Does this sound familiar ????

  THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

- "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
- "You better pray that'll come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
- "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"


4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
- "Because I said so, that's why!"

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.

- "If you fall out of that swing &break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
- "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.

- "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
- "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."


9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
- "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"


10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
- "You'll sit there until all that spinach is all gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

- "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

- "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

- "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
- "Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

- "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

- "Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

- "You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

- "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, They are going to freeze that way."


19. My mother taught me ESP.
-"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"



20. My mother taught me HUMOR.

- "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

- "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22 My mother taught me GENETICS.

- "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
- "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

- "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: my mother taught me about JUSTICE.
- "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

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I love that!  I have to add one, that a friend's mother told us girls, but it's a little off color: You girls were always like butterflies, flitting around the flowers and landing on S***.