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Prayers for my brother. Please....
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Chandler's Mom
Reg. Jan 2015
Posted 2018-05-06 1:22 AM (#7395304 - in reply to #7395302)
Subject: RE: Prayers for my brother. Please....


My Heart Be Happy


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chasendacash - 2018-05-06 12:08 AM

?Today was the best yet.  I had told everyone that today was Derby day and I'd be having the TV on that stuff from noon to 6:30.  The western channel, recorded PBR, and fishing shows would have to wait!  LOL!  So in order to make it more interesting, I googled Kentucky Derby games and we had a horse auction with Monopoly money.  In between this game and some visitors from the neighborhood, the afternoon passed fairly quickly.  He got up only once during the wee hours of the morning without 'notice' but I woke up before he did anything really stupid.  He was hurting more than usual during the night and I think was restless.  He and Dad walked to the mailbox today, two driveways over.  He's a little, wiry dude - 5'7ish, 130#, extremely active - so he's already planning on walking more of the neighborhood tomorrow.  He is moving better and better around the house and porch so we aren't LEAPING to our feet and escorting him every move.  This is a lake subdivision so several weekenders stopped by to visit today.  He enjoys company but not constant live-ins (us, LOL). 

?I laughed at one point this evening....  the TV is BLARING the western channel because they are all deaf.  K is talking about me fixing his computer.  B thinks K is talking about chocolate cake and is asking how big of a piece does he want?  Dad says he didn't buy cookies and cream ice cream, I did (I didn't, he did), and promptly dozes off in the dining table chair.  This was all at the same time.  This chair is in the living room because K has a couch (where he sits/lays/sleeps) and one chair (where B sits).  (I brought in a folding chair that I had in the back of my car.)  And the stories being told are on repeat.....  

?They have all fallen asleep.  Now I can turn down the TV (not off, wakes him up), turn out most of the lights (not off, dark wakes him up) and go lay down.   Prayers work!  My stress level is normal for the situation and not bordering on criminal anymore.  :)

I know the situation is not funny, but your update made me laugh! And of course laughter is so good for all of you right now. Sounds like your brother is doing better day by day, which is the only way to take things. Hopefully he will continue to improve and the threat of prison time for you doing bad things to him will decrease. . . . Sending good thoughts and prayers for y'all

Edited by Chandler's Mom 2018-05-06 1:24 AM
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Gail
Reg. Sep 2003
Posted 2018-05-06 9:53 PM (#7395339 - in reply to #7395304)
Subject: RE: Prayers for my brother. Please....


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chasendacash
Reg. Oct 2008
Posted 2018-05-07 1:15 AM (#7395347 - in reply to #7394801)
Subject: RE: Prayers for my brother. Please....


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?C Mom- one of the things I can usually do is find the 'funny' in the situation.  There hasn't been much of that in the last 11 days so when it's there....  have to grab it!  
?    My husband and I switched places today so I've spent the afternoon with my daughter, did laundry, petted all the animals, and took two 45 minute naps!  I may have hugged my daughter a few more times than usual but she's a great kid and also hugged me a few times.
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chasendacash
Reg. Oct 2008
Posted 2018-05-11 5:53 PM (#7395994 - in reply to #7394801)
Subject: RE: Prayers for my brother. Please....


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Ahhhh....  those two days at home flew by but were much appreciated.  I went back Tuesday morning and took K to his first post surgery check up.  Everything was fine and he talked them into a two-week check up schedule instead of weekly.  The two-hour ride to the dr office about did him in because he is so body-sore.  The wound isn't as painful to him as is his backside.  He's been up and moving and roaming and walking more every day.  Some from soreness and some from boredom.  We are spending the weekend at my house since it's Mother's Day.  We all thought it would take a huge, blow-up, fight to get him to leave his house.  I promised him that he and hubs would go back to his house on Monday so he just shrugged and said OK.  Prayers answered!  I sent Dad home to Arkansas.  Dad needed to get out of there and quit stressing.  I explained that K was a one-chaperone kind of job right now and hubs and I have it covered for a while.  I'm sure Dad will be back soon but he has doctors to see and lawn to mow!!!!  :)

K was turned down for SSI, SSDI, and lot of other things.  He was a welder until 2012, then his vision wasn't good enough under the hood.  Since then his income level hasn't required him to file a tax return, which means he didn't pay self-employment taxes on his mechanic work.  Because of that, Social Security doesn't have record of any income ----  so no need to replace it, right?   I've completed the long, online application for Medicaid.  The local COG has a short term assistance program that will cover some light duty cleaning and meal prep for a few weeks which he can use later when he is on his own.  

Since he is 6 months away from 62, I've started looking into filing for his regular Social Security.  This was a shocker for him to see how harshly the benefit estimate dropped because of the last 5 years' low level income.  It had been a while since he had checked his account.  I feel like I am stabbing in the dark.  He doesn't have the best records but I'd be surprised if anyone has all the records I've been trying to gather.  I'm never ever throwing anything away again.  LOL!

 
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NJJ
Reg. Jul 2006
Posted 2018-05-11 8:39 PM (#7396001 - in reply to #7394801)
Subject: RE: Prayers for my brother. Please....


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Continued prayers for his recovery (and keeping your sanity)! It's a good thing that you can find humor in times of stress ......  
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chasendacash
Reg. Oct 2008
Posted 2018-05-13 10:13 PM (#7396120 - in reply to #7394801)
Subject: RE: Prayers for my brother. Please....


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?Well, that was a short reprieve and being at my house this weekend has resulted in us not speaking today.  I noticed he was drinking wine Friday night and asked hubs where K got the wine.  They had stopped as soon as they got to a town and bought some.  I told hubs Friday night that drinking was a no-go but he didn't think that was right.  Fight followed.  Saturday we spent all day shopping, buying K some comfortable shoes that he he didn't have to tie, some clothes to accommodate him, some household gadgets to help him hold things, etc.  Saturday night he fell asleep and spilled his drink tumbler all over the couch, his clothes, the carpet.  When I jumped up to start cleaning I realized it was red wine and not sweet tea.  I threw a fit.  At my husband and at my brother.  I had to leave the house.  I hit the pasture and started walking and didn't come back in the house until after midnight..
Our grandfather was an alcoholic, died at 65.  Our mother was an alcoholic, 'functioning' but alcoholic just the same.  She died at 66 in 2005.  I knew she had a problem.  I've lived with the regret/guilt that I didn't do something more to get her to some rehab.  I was around her all the time, he wasn't.  Now, I don't know what to do.  Hubs is taking him home tomorrow and staying with him there.  I was planning on switching back after a few days.  I know I'm not going to be very welcome.  But I just don't see leaving him on his own three weeks post amputation.  I'm so mad that I want to just turn away and get back to MY life.  But then if something happened....
?My dad would be devastated.  I would feel responsible for that.  I asked K did he realize what this was doing to Daddy.  His reply was that he was a grown man and could make his own decisions.  I'm about done accommodating him.  I don't know of anyone else that could help him.  I'm rambling now.  Thankful to have a space to vent.          
 
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Chandler's Mom
Reg. Jan 2015
Posted 2018-05-14 4:48 PM (#7396225 - in reply to #7396120)
Subject: RE: Prayers for my brother. Please....


My Heart Be Happy


Posts: 6232
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Location: Arkansas
Just want you to know I'm thinking of you today and hoping your brother comes to his senses. Especially if he's mixing the alcohol with pain medications. . . . . You're a good person to put your brother's and daddy's needs ahead of yours. Sending prayers for you and your family
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Chandler's Mom
Reg. Jan 2015
Posted 2018-05-18 10:07 PM (#7396700 - in reply to #7396225)
Subject: RE: Prayers for my brother. Please....


My Heart Be Happy


Posts: 6232
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Location: Arkansas
Checking in on your brother to see how he's doing and also how YOU are
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chasendacash
Reg. Oct 2008
Posted 2018-05-19 1:05 AM (#7396702 - in reply to #7394801)
Subject: RE: Prayers for my brother. Please....


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I'm doing well, I've been home and working all week!  :)  K is doing well but still being a jerk IMO.  He's had hubs and another guy helping him get the boats fixed that he had in for repair.  He's driving, walking, dressing, fixing coffee, etc but hasn't put a meal together yet.  He seems to be in great spirits... as long as it's on HIS terms.  After the disaster of Mother's Day, hubs promised me he would abide by the same ground rules when he took K home.  That lasted one night.  K sleeps on the couch to the TV blaring, even prior to accident.  Monday night, hubs went back in the living room to turn the TV off and found a cigarette laying on K's chest.   He obviously fell asleep smoking.  Which means he's smoking in the house (mobile home, much higher fire risk).  Which means he's totally disrespecting his 'help'.  I was so mad I told hubs to get out of that fire-waiting-to-happen and come home, that I didn't want to lose him because of K's stupidity.   Hubs talked to K about it the next day but nothing changed.  Which means I'll have to deal with that all over again when I go back.  It's a total disregard for the people making adjustments to their life in order to make his better.  It's eight steps to the front door! He's also 'having a glass or two' of wine at night.  Now I'm mad at hubs for breaking his promise to me along with being mad at K.  Hubs and I will switch places tomorrow.  Daddy and wife is coming back Sunday.  Wife is not feeling well and Daddy said she didn't get up or eat much yesterday but was better today.  I told him he didn't have to come back yet but he wants to 'be there' for K.  I think Daddy is just scared to leave K alone with me!  LOL!  I have to be careful that they don't get too stressed or tired.  Daddy asked me tonight did I think K's brain was just that fried from his drinking.  I honestly don't know since he's pretty much been an a**hole most of my life.  Grrrr.....
I'll keep asking God for more patience.              
 
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cloverleaf
Reg. May 2004
Posted 2018-05-19 8:30 AM (#7396706 - in reply to #7394801)
Subject: RE: Prayers for my brother. Please....



Quarter Horse HIstorian


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My hat is off to you for all that you’re doing for your brother. Just remember to take good care of yourself! Prayers for you and your whole family-
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Chandler's Mom
Reg. Jan 2015
Posted 2018-05-19 3:27 PM (#7396719 - in reply to #7396702)
Subject: RE: Prayers for my brother. Please....


My Heart Be Happy


Posts: 6232
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Location: Arkansas
Keeping you in thoughts and prayers
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chasendacash
Reg. Oct 2008
Posted 2018-05-22 1:07 AM (#7396881 - in reply to #7394801)
Subject: RE: Prayers for my brother. Please....


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 Thanks and keep the prayers coming, we have survived the first 24 hours back together!  And alone together at that!  :)  He's been on good behavior and I've continued to pray for cooperative co-existence.  I spent most of today talking or emailing Social Security and state benefit agencies.  Also organizing the medical bills he's gotten.  So far it's up to $125k.  Grrr.... he gets $783, $30 too much, from a pension so he's disqualified for SSI.  His disability determination is going another round and they set up a phone meeting for June 18th.  It doesn't look promising so now I'm thinking since the loss of an arm doesn't qualify him maybe he should file on his deterioration of eye sight.  He had to retire from welding about 4 years ago because he couldn't see the welds under the hood anymore.  Does anyone have any tips on disability requests?  It's frustrating because I've been passed around to four different people and no one shows record that I've filed for this already.  Each one is calling to 'open' his case.  Rinse and repeat. 
This stay with him is being cut short.  After I get him home from dr appt tomorrow, I will leave here and go to Arkansas for a funeral Wednesday a.m.  A beloved cousin passed away this weekend.  She had Downs Syndrome and was 62 years old.  She had a great life but the last few years were not good at all.  It is truly merciful that she has regained her spirit and is with her Lord.      
 
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lonely va barrelxr
Reg. Apr 2005
Posted 2018-05-22 5:56 AM (#7396885 - in reply to #7396881)
Subject: RE: Prayers for my brother. Please....



Reaching for the stars....


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On the disability thing - it might be worth your effort to get a consultation at least with someone outside SS for that.  I know peeps who have won full disability who had no reason to, but she was a JD so knew and learned what was needed to win.   
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Chandler's Mom
Reg. Jan 2015
Posted 2018-05-22 8:30 PM (#7397026 - in reply to #7396881)
Subject: RE: Prayers for my brother. Please....


My Heart Be Happy


Posts: 6232
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Location: Arkansas
chasendacash - 2018-05-22 1:07 AM

 Thanks and keep the prayers coming, we have survived the first 24 hours back together!  And alone together at that!  :)  He's been on good behavior and I've continued to pray for cooperative co-existence.  I spent most of today talking or emailing Social Security and state benefit agencies.  Also organizing the medical bills he's gotten.  So far it's up to $125k.  Grrr.... he gets $783, $30 too much, from a pension so he's disqualified for SSI.  His disability determination is going another round and they set up a phone meeting for June 18th.  It doesn't look promising so now I'm thinking since the loss of an arm doesn't qualify him maybe he should file on his deterioration of eye sight.  He had to retire from welding about 4 years ago because he couldn't see the welds under the hood anymore.  Does anyone have any tips on disability requests?  It's frustrating because I've been passed around to four different people and no one shows record that I've filed for this already.  Each one is calling to 'open' his case.  Rinse and repeat. 
This stay with him is being cut short.  After I get him home from dr appt tomorrow, I will leave here and go to Arkansas for a funeral Wednesday a.m.  A beloved cousin passed away this weekend.  She had Downs Syndrome and was 62 years old.  She had a great life but the last few years were not good at all.  It is truly merciful that she has regained her spirit and is with her Lord.      
 

I'm so sorry about your cousin; you truly have your hands full right now. I agree with the idea of talking to someone about the disability payment---my uncle draws because of Lupus, and he shouldn't be. I'm not saying it isn't a debilitating disease, but he isn't disabled to the point of not being able to work. . . . With your brother's combination of eyes and amputation, I'd try all angles.

What part of AR? I believe you said your daddy is here also?
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jake16
Reg. Apr 2006
Posted 2018-05-22 8:47 PM (#7397027 - in reply to #7394801)
Subject: RE: Prayers for my brother. Please....


Go Get Em!


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chasendacash
Reg. Oct 2008
Posted 2018-05-24 11:49 PM (#7397341 - in reply to #7394801)
Subject: RE: Prayers for my brother. Please....


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 Thank you all for any and all suggestions!  I was the Monticello area - Warren, Wilmar - southeast part of the state.  My dad grew up there, moved to Texas after he got out of the army and stayed there until he retired and moved back to his family homeplace.
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Chandler's Mom
Reg. Jan 2015
Posted 2018-05-25 1:15 AM (#7397344 - in reply to #7397341)
Subject: RE: Prayers for my brother. Please....


My Heart Be Happy


Posts: 6232
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You were about 45 minutes to an hour from me---Monticello is about 50 miles from my house. If you come back this way for a visit WHEN things slow down in your life, please let me know!

Hope things are going better with your brother, and I pray y'all have a safe and peaceful Memorial Day weekend. Continued prayers for all of you.
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chasendacash
Reg. Oct 2008
Posted 2018-05-25 8:48 AM (#7397363 - in reply to #7394801)
Subject: RE: Prayers for my brother. Please....


Expert


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Oh really?  I'm there every Thanksgiving for nearly a week.  It's the one traditional Arkansas trip that I just don't skip!  Other random times get thrown in.  Dad/wife usually travel to Texas and tour around between his kids, her kids, her cousins, her neices, her.....  She hates Greenhill, Arkansas so any excuse she can find to get back to Texas has her bags packed and Daddy firing up the car.  :)
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