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Off topic, has anyone dated someone with a kid?

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Last activity 2022-06-28 11:21 AM
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emricmacy
Reg. Sep 2016
Posted 2022-06-28 8:06 AM
Subject: Off topic, has anyone dated someone with a kid?


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Posts: 844
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I'm in my first relationship in 3.5 years to a wonderful guy. Always told myself I'd never date someone with a kid (just didn't want to deal with drama). But I love kids. We've been together almost 6 months. I guess things are rocky now. His child's mother is not easy to deal with, to say the least. She's young and makes drama up. My boyfriend doesn't play into it but I guess I feel like I just don't want to deal with it. It's not his fault, and maybe I'm just not meant to date someone with a kid. I'm great to his kid, we have a nice relationship. And I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend. It's not his fault she's drama, I guess I feel like she's always going to be a headache to our relationship. 

Advice?

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Txstables
Reg. Sep 2016
Posted 2022-06-28 8:23 AM
Subject: RE: Off topic, has anyone dated someone with a kid?


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Posts: 20
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Your last statement is the truth. 
The chances are low that she would ever change. Things will probably only get worse as time goes on. You have to decide if you want to deal with it the rest of your life or not. 

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Texas Tornado
Reg. Dec 2006
Posted 2022-06-28 9:24 AM
Subject: RE: Off topic, has anyone dated someone with a kid?


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Posts: 858
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Be done. Bad idea to be in a relationship or get married to anyone with minor children. 

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Jazz's Girl
Reg. Apr 2013
Posted 2022-06-28 9:31 AM
Subject: RE: Off topic, has anyone dated someone with a kid?


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Posts: 481
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I can tell you from my experience, if anything happens to my husband, I WILL NOT marry another man that has kids and/or a psychotic ex.... 

Backstory.... my husband is 25 years old than me. He has 3 kids. We started dating in 2010 when his kids were 11,13 and 18. We married in 2013. So we've been together awhile. We're 34 and 59 this year.

The oldest (whose 30 now) has made life MIISERABLE. on and off throughout the years but especially the last 2 months. I have been called names that are inappropriate. Shes called my phone and when I answered proceeded to cuss me out. Told me she was going to kill me. She has used things that have been done to me in the past against me. I dont care who you are, you dont tell someone who was abused that they should go screw the man who did it, cuz they enjoyed it. My husband had to stop me from driving to her house and doing major bodily harm to her. Thankfully she is so stupid, she is sitting in jail right now. I hate this woman. As long as Im in the picture, she will never step foot on our property again. And I told him, he better put in writing what he wants her to have when he passes cuz as far as Im concerned, she gets NOTHING. Theres so much more I could say but you get the gist. She is a maniplative sociopath and when she doesnt get her way, she turns EVIL. 

His 2 boys and I are cool now. But teenage years were hard and it didnt help his ex told them, they never had to listen to me. I was just the %&#@! their dad married. It took them getting out on thier own and experiencing life to understand, I wasn't an evil person and asking them to keep their rooms clean wasnt the end of the world. 

Theres nothing easy about it. Step kids, or kids in a relationship are hard. If your SO isnt supportive, it wont work. Ex's and kids will always be a part of the equation. 

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bten
Reg. Apr 2015
Posted 2022-06-28 9:53 AM
Subject: RE: Off topic, has anyone dated someone with a kid?


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Posts: 214
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Location: Montgomery TX

When I started dating my husband, he had two small daughters and my youngest son was sophmore in high school and my oldes graduated high school just a few months after we started dating - his ex-wife caused ALL THE DRAMA!!!  It was awful!!! We sat down one day and hashed it all out.  She thought if I wasn't around then the two of them would get back together. This was about a year into our relationationship and I explained to her that I wasn't going anywhere and we all needed to act like adults and the only people she was upsetting/hurting was her daughters. I will say that my husband is 10 years younger than me and she is 14 years younger than me.  We have created a relationship that works for our family.  I'm not going to say we are BFF's but we get along and there is not too much bickering or drama.  The two of them are toxic together, there is something that triggers them when they are in the presence of each other.  I took over communicating with her, scheduling the girls activities/visitation/pick up and drop of etc.  and 7 years later peace has ensued in our world!  When she started dating her now husband, things changed dramatically and I really think he helped her mature a lot and I think becoming a stepmom herself was very eye opening.  Now she is dealing with ex-wife drama and she has thanked me repeatedly for the way I've handled her and her drama.  yes, she said that and has also apologized.

I don't know what is normal or not normal when blending families - but this is what works for us.  But you need to decide if this man and his child is worth it.  There will be smooth sailing and there will be storms, no relationship is perfect all the time - blending families is never easy, but it can be done.  There is no right or wrong way, just whatever works for you and yours.

Good luck in whatever you decide - I wish you all the best.

 

 



Edited by bten 2022-06-28 9:55 AM
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bten
Reg. Apr 2015
Posted 2022-06-28 10:01 AM
Subject: RE: Off topic, has anyone dated someone with a kid?


Veteran


Posts: 214
100100
Location: Montgomery TX

Jazz's Girl - 2022-06-28 9:31 AM


I can tell you from my experience, if anything happens to my husband, I WILL NOT marry another man that has kids and/or a psychotic ex.... 


Backstory.... my husband is 25 years old than me. He has 3 kids. We started dating in 2010 when his kids were 11,13 and 18. We married in 2013. So we've been together awhile. We're 34 and 59 this year.


The oldest (whose 30 now) has made life MIISERABLE. on and off throughout the years but especially the last 2 months. I have been called names that are inappropriate. Shes called my phone and when I answered proceeded to cuss me out. Told me she was going to kill me. She has used things that have been done to me in the past against me. I dont care who you are, you dont tell someone who was abused that they should go screw the man who did it, cuz they enjoyed it. My husband had to stop me from driving to her house and doing major bodily harm to her. Thankfully she is so stupid, she is sitting in jail right now. I hate this woman. As long as Im in the picture, she will never step foot on our property again. And I told him, he better put in writing what he wants her to have when he passes cuz as far as Im concerned, she gets NOTHING. Theres so much more I could say but you get the gist. She is a maniplative sociopath and when she doesnt get her way, she turns EVIL. 

His 2 boys and I are cool now. But teenage years were hard and it didnt help his ex told them, they never had to listen to me. I was just the %&#@! their dad married. It took them getting out on thier own and experiencing life to understand, I wasn't an evil person and asking them to keep their rooms clean wasnt the end of the world. 


Theres nothing easy about it. Step kids, or kids in a relationship are hard. If your SO isnt supportive, it wont work. Ex's and kids will always be a part of the equation. 


My heart aches for you and everything you've been thru! I am so sorry you've been treated this way, noboby deserves that!  

Blessings Friend

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Jazz's Girl
Reg. Apr 2013
Posted 2022-06-28 10:38 AM
Subject: RE: Off topic, has anyone dated someone with a kid?


Extreme Veteran


Posts: 481
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 Its been rocky but my husband and I stand together now. In the past its been, well thats just the way she is. UNTIL this last blowup and he sided with me. She turned on him. I cant repeat some of the things she told him. He thought I was just making things up. Took 12 years but he finally sees it. This last blowup was caused by us setting boundaries. 

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emricmacy
Reg. Sep 2016
Posted 2022-06-28 11:21 AM
Subject: RE: Off topic, has anyone dated someone with a kid?


Elite Veteran


Posts: 844
50010010010025

I'm not sure why I feel the way that I feel, he's given me no reason to feel insecure. He's a great boyfriend. He has very limited contact with her. When I first met her at pickup, I shook her hand and talked to her for a few minutes. A few other pickups, I've gotten out and just said hi. My boyfriend and her say very few words to each other. 
I go to every pickup and drop off but I stay in the truck since it's literally 2 min and we're off. She randomly blocked me on Facebook. Like I haven't done anything. Their kid is 6.5 years old. I have welcomed him into my life, make him meals, wash his clothes, interact, etc. and now the child has stopped interacting with my bf and I when we have him which Is so odd. And she has the kid lying about things..her lawyer sent my bf a letter addressing concerns. That he didn't have a place to sleep, etc, which is all lies..

She's just very childish and it's too bad, but it's affecting their child because she uses him as a pawn. 
I have no reason to feel insecure, but I do. How do I handle this?

One time at drop off she brought some of my bfs exs randomly..like why? They were NEVER friends but now she's befriending his ex girlfriends and bringing them to drop offs. Childish stuff.

my bf is now mad at me saying he doesn't know if we will work out because every tine we gave to talk about her I get upset and I pull away from the relationship for a week then I'm better..I don't know why I do this. 
edited to add: I feel stupid for feeling this way and I want to feel better. I don't know what's wrong with me. 



Edited by emricmacy 2022-06-28 11:26 AM
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