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  Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
   
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | To spare a few kind thoughts and prayers for my husband and I. We chose to keep our pregnancy very private when we found out because it came with risks. We would have been twelve weeks on Monday, but apparently God didn't mean for us to be parents. I just didn't think it would be this painful both emotionally and physically. I have great doctors but just need some kind words. I don't want people to feel sorry for us with everything else going on in the world. I just know I'm not alone and am hoping there are people that understand what kind words could mean to both of us right now...........
Edited by missroselee 2013-12-06 12:38 PM
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 889
Location: Kansas | Prayers ... as I can't imagine the heartache. |
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Veteran
Posts: 161
Location: Right Where I'm Meant To Be :) | Sending Big Hugs to you both and uplifting you in prayer for understanding and strength. Very sorry  |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | I am so sorry. I have been through something similar and it is very sad.  |
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Expert
Posts: 3147
| I am so sorry for your loss. God may be telling you "No", "Not Yet" or "I Have Better Things For You". |
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 As Good As I Once Was
Posts: 1211
Location: frozen tundra of pa | Prayers for you and your hubby at this very difficult time. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 902
Location: Qld Australia | Oh missroselee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You have my deepest sympathies and thoughts. I cannot imagine what you are going through but I am shedding tears right now for you.
We need a hug icon that does not look so happy. But here are hugs anyway. xoxoxoxo |
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I'm a Cry Baby
Posts: 3780
Location: n.c. | Many prayers and hugs for you and your husband. |
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 Ones with the Hotties
Posts: 1451
Location: Centerburg, OH | praying for you guys. I will never understand why God lets this happen to such great couples with so much love to give. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 808
| Such a sad thing to hear, can't imagine what you're going through. |
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 Reaching for the stars....
Posts: 12704
| Many hugs and prayers for you both.
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Expert
Posts: 1543
Location: MI | From reading your posts, I've learned that you and your husband are already awesome parents, whether 2 or 4 legged. I pray that God hasn't closed this door for you, because parents like you guys are needed. Grace and peace to both of you. |
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 I Am Always Right
Posts: 4264
Location: stray dump capital of the world | Sending prayers your way. |
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 Whack and Roll
Posts: 6342
Location: NE Texas | So sorry for your loss missroselee! I know there are no words to comfort you right now, but I pray for your comfort and healing both physically and emotionally! |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 557
Location: Kansas and loving it | All the love your heart can hold. |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 561
Location: somewhere in the south | Years ago I had two back to back pregnancies and subsequent miscarriages but then the good Lord saw fit to give me twin girls................so hang in there and God will Bless you! The sadness is great but the future will hold more blessings! |
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 Love Me Some Robert Redford
Posts: 2335
Location: WV | Many prayers to you and know that you are not alone. |
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 Thread Killer
Posts: 7543
| Sending you some gentle cyber hugs. I'm so sorry for your loss. |
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 Fact Checker
Posts: 16572
Location: Displaced Iowegian | Many hugs and prayers for you and hubby!
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 836
Location: Southern Pennsylvania | |
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 More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | I'm so very sorry missroselee. You and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers. |
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 Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | Prayers for you. Please don't feel like you shouldn't grieve. A death is a death, no matter how young and fragile. Hugs. |
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 Ima Non Controversial Girl
Posts: 4168
Location: where the wind blows | I too suffered a miscarriage, it was our first pregnancy and the Dr.'s at the time suspected twins. I agree with above, a death is a death and you are allowed to grieve for your loss. I remember the pain of my loss like it was yesterday and it was 23 years ago. With God's help I went on to carry two amazing son's who are now 22 and 20. Grieve for your loss, you are allowed, and don't give up hope for the future. |
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 Ms. Poutability
Posts: 2362
Location: In my own world | Many hugs Tiff |
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 Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | Many gentle hugs Tiff and Josh.. and many comforting prayers to you both. |
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 Famous for Not Complaining
Posts: 8848
Location: Broxton, Ga | Sometimes we just never understand the trials we face.......my daughter faced this also......she was devastated.....but all things worked out......and now her and her husband have 11 month old son........she has 3 beautiful children but has lost 2 early in the pregnancy.....prayers for you my friend. |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 352
Location: Texas | Many hugs and prayers. I too, lost a baby, although only 8 weeks along it was very hard.
There is a perfect child for you and your husband out there, it's just wasn't ready yet. Whether that child was to be born from you, adopted, or that special kid down the street that needs a good family to rely on when his/hers can't be. You never know, but the pain is very real. And my prayers for peace and comfort to you both. |
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 Quiet Riot
Posts: 2568
Location: North Dakota | |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Prayers and hugs, our hearts hurt with you. |
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 Been Blessed
Posts: 7587
Location: Living in my Promised Land | So, so sorry for the loss of your child. A pregnancy holds so many hopes and anticipated blessings. When my DIL miscarried I was amazed at the ache in my chest and the hollow spot in my heart. You and your husband are such good people and it is always sadder when a child is so wanted in a family. My God comfort you in your time of grief. |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | Thank you guys. I think, or I hope, the worst of the physical part is over. Thank God I was home. Didn't get any sleep and was alone cause hubby had CQ duty again, he brought me orange juice when he came home and I finally got up to eat some eggs and toast. Going to see my doc again first thing in the morning. I'm not sure what all we have to do but he said we will talk about all of it tomorrow. I'm hoping no surgery since it appears most passed last night.
thank you again for the prayers, kind words, and private messages. I'm doing a little better today then I was since we found out Friday morning. I do have some amazing friends. That's for sure |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | So sorry for your loss hugs for you and Josh and prayers |
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Go Get Em!
Posts: 13503
Location: OH. IO | AwwwTiff, I am deeply saddened for you and Josh. Im here if you need me,PLease keep the faith, I am so very sorry for your loss.Love you both,Call if you need to. |
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 pressure dripper
Posts: 8696
Location: the end of the rainbow | I can't imagine how rough this is for the two of you. Many prayers for strength and comfort going up for your family. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1718
Location: Southeast Louisiana | I'm praying for you. So sorry for your loss. |
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 The Famous Hot Wing Chicken Girl
Posts: 2964
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 Twin Sister to Queen Boobie
Posts: 13315
Location: East Tennessee but who knows?! | Prayers for you both. So sorry you're having to go through this. |
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 Northern Chocolate Queen
Posts: 16576
Location: ND | I'm so sorry |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 641
Location: Michigan | So sorry for your loss. Prayers are with you and your husband. |
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 A Big Ditto!
Posts: 3600
Location: Jasper, Tx | Im sorry for your loss! prayers for you and Hubby.
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 Max is Back
Posts: 6795
Location: Flat Rock,IL | So sorry, prayers sent to and your husband. |
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 Potato Soup Queen
Location: Alabama | So sorry Tiff, and prayers to you both |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1118
Location: The South | Many prayers for healing during this difficult time... |
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 Miss Laundry Misshap
Posts: 5271
| So sorry to hear this! Sometimes we don't know what God has planned for us, but don't give up hope. For some reason, this just wasn't the right time. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1119
| Hugs! I am so sorry! |
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 I Prefer to Live in Fantasy Land
Posts: 64864
Location: In the Hills of Texas | May the Good Lord help heal your broken hearts.. |
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I'll Be Your Huckleberry
Posts: 1488
Location: Arizona | Prayers and hugs to you. I can't imagine. |
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 Peecans
| my heart hurts for you and your husband. If you you want to / need to talk I can listen. Many prayers for you two. |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | Thank you. The kind words and support are helping more then you could imagine.
Do you guys mind if I ask a question? For anyone familiar with the process? Is it "normal" to have a pretty good headache and strong nosebleed afterwards? I don't get headaches often and have not had a single nosebleed since my head surgery 16 years ago. Is this something I should be concerned with tonight or just bring it up with my doc in the morning?
I am doing ok physically other then that. Hubby has been home all day and I hung out in the barn while he built doors and such. It did me good to be around the horses even though I wasn't too active..... |
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 Total Germophobe
Posts: 6437
Location: Montana | I'm sorry to hear that, you have my prayers and sympathies. |
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 Angel in a Sorrel Coat
Posts: 16030
Location: In a happy place | Yes there are many people that have problems now but that not lessen the affects of what is happening to you and your husband. You both are in my thoughts and prayers. |
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| Many prayers of comfort for your loss. |
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Expert
Posts: 5321
Location: Texas | I am so sorry for your loss. Many hugs for you and your hubby |
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Miss Laundry Misshap
Posts: 5271
| missroselee - 2013-12-01 5:22 PM Thank you. The kind words and support are helping more then you could imagine.
Do you guys mind if I ask a question? For anyone familiar with the process? Is it "normal" to have a pretty good headache and strong nosebleed afterwards? I don't get headaches often and have not had a single nosebleed since my head surgery 16 years ago. Is this something I should be concerned with tonight or just bring it up with my doc in the morning?
I am doing ok physically other then that. Hubby has been home all day and I hung out in the barn while he built doors and such. It did me good to be around the horses even though I wasn't too active.....
I would tend to err on the side of caution on this one. I'd go to the ER. Better safe than sorry, especially if you mean to try again. |
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Location: Exactly where I am supposed to be | I am so sorry for your loss, I can only imagine the heartache you and your husband are going through........many prayers to you and him, |
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 Maybe Someday
Posts: 4551
| First so sorry for your loss,
but please go to ER or at least contact the doctor
and ask them about the nosebleed,,,
I know I had headache and all kinds of body pains after my losses
but I NEVER had a nosebleed and have never heard of that happening,,,
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 Ms. Manners
Posts: 1820
Location: Oklahoma | Hugs and prayers . . . so sorry for your loss and I hope you are able to find some peace. |
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 Hero of the Year
Posts: 10767
Location: Haslet, Texas | Awe...I'm so sorry. I just don't understand why it doesn't work out for those that want it the most. Big hugs for both of you.
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 Roan Wonder
Location: SW MO | Prayers & hugs
I know it's hard to believe right now but time will take away the pain |
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 Dancing in my Mind
Posts: 3062
Location: Eastern OH but my heart is in WV | So sorry for you and your husband's loss |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 859
| Prayers & hugs!
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 Star Padded Honey
Posts: 8890
Location: NW MT | I am so very sorry! Sending hugs & prayers for you & your husband. |
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Industrial Srength Barrel Racer
Posts: 7264
| So very sorry for your loss. |
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Go Get Em!
Posts: 13503
Location: OH. IO | Checking on you this morning, a bad headache and nosebleed isnt realy normal under any condition so im praying you went to get checked outThinking of you both |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | Thank you again. jake16 Thank you, I fell asleep not long after I posted, probably a few minutes. I hadn't slept in a while. The nosebleeds have subsided. Still a small amount of blood but it's dried and only when I wipe or blow my nose. The headache has gotten considerably worse. I don't know what medications I can and cannot take so I haven't taken anything. I will be leaving shortly to see the doc. He is only a few miles from my house and Hubby is home to take me. |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | I just wanted to add that I wish every woman on here could be married to a man like my husband. Every woman deserves to be loved like this....... |
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 Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | I am so sorry to hear this missroselee. |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | I will add a little more... I unexpectedly found out I was pregnant a couple years ago. I was on some dr's rx's that I had to stop cold turkey due to the fact they could hurt the baby... I consequently went through withdrawls and then lost the baby. My husband and I were heartbroken. It was right before Christmas, and I still dread the holiday season (I did before lol, but more so after this happened). We are still not planning on having kids, but it was so sad nonetheless. I really feel for you guys.
A friend of mine coincidentally miscarried Saturday as well. My heart is with you both.
After I had my miscarriage, I spoke with some other women I knew. Several had miscarriages and later went on to have healthy babies. One woman I spoke with had a large number, but she later had 3 or 4 healthy kids. Long story short, I know it hurts a lot right now, but it is by no means a reason to give up hope of later having a healthy child.
I just understand what you are going through and it hurts more than most realize if they haven't been there. |
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 The Bird Lady
Posts: 6440
Location: The end of the Earth, SE AR | I am so terribly sorry.
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | Waiting at the doc now.
This is was not a "planned " pregnancy. I was told by several doctors I had very little chance of even conceiving let alone going full term. So when we decided to go off BC, we didn't center our lives around it. We wanted to be ok with having a life with no children in case it never happened. And we knew that if it did it would be a true blessing. It took over a year. I was surprised to say the least, then when through all the emotions of being scared to death. The farther I got the more I stopped being afraid and started making plans and getting excited.
we found out November 9th we had a fifty fifty chance. This past Monday I think I knew but was hoping I wasn't right.........
Edited by missroselee 2013-12-02 8:10 AM
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More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | My heart breaks for you. I hope the Dr is able to help you this morning. You are so very lucky to have a wonderful supportive husband. |
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 Special Somebody
Posts: 3951
Location: Finally horseback again.... | Oh I am so very sorry gir!!/
God his his own timing I assure you.
Many prayers for you both.
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 Thick and Wavy
Posts: 6102
Location: Nebraska | |
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 Hummer's Hero
Posts: 3071
Location: Smack Dab in the Middle | You have all my prayers! It was a year ago (the Monday after Thanksgiving last year) that I went in for an 12 week ultra sound, only to find no heart beat...I had to have a D and C on that Friday. Hardest thing I've ever been through. It wasn't my first miscarriage, but the harder of the two. We had chosen the Thanksgiving holiday to tell our families about the baby, then to turn around a few days later and have to take it back...
My heart reaches out to you with my greatest empathy, love and prayers. |
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 Ima Fickle Fan
Posts: 3547
Location: Texas |
Sending you lots of prayers and cyber hugs. My SIL lost her baby earlier this year at 9 weeks. I have a cousin who suffered multiple miscarriages, including twins, due to endometriosis. She went on to have two healthy kiddos. I also lost one at 8 weeks this year. I am now pregnant and due in February.
What most people don't know is that an estimated 20% of pregnancies end by 12 weeks. It could be even higher. The problem is that most women don't talk about it. We tend to internalize the guilt and believe we did something wrong. The truth is that a lot of things can go wrong and this is God's way of saying, "Not yet."
Please allow yourself to grieve because it is the loss of a life and a precious being. And NEVER blame yourself for the could've, would've, should've... etc. It's not anything you did. |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace |
I don't think all the research and facts in the world could possibly eliminate the feelings of guilt and what ifs |
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 Over Informed
Posts: 5372
Location: West Tennessee | Thinking of you, it's unbelievably hard but it doesn't mean God doesn't want you to be parents -- just that he has other plans at the moment.
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Location: Lost with the rest of the MINIONS! | So sorry to hear this. Many prayers for you and your hubby this morning. |
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Ima Fickle Fan
Posts: 3547
Location: Texas | missroselee - 2013-12-02 9:06 AM
I don't think all the research and facts in the world could possibly eliminate the feelings of guilt and what ifs
Oh, I know. Facts are cold, especially in this situation. I just wanted to assure you that you aren't alone in this. I personally believe miscarriage is the secret tragedy in our society. No one wants to address it. So the women who suffer one must do so in silence and are made to feel guilty, as if they had control over it.
The truth is that it is a loss and you must grieve. Just know that you are not alone. The guilt is natural, but it's part of human nature to want to place blame. And as women, we first assume it was something we did. |
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| Many hugs and prayers to you and your husband. Hope you find out he cause of headaches and nosebleed. (((((())))))) |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | I think what isn't helping is we both know as soon as we tell his parents they will rage and blame me for everything. I know it shouldn't matter but it's just the last thing I need. I have to take them to dr spots Thursday so hubby agreed to wait until after then to tell them. I know it's wrong to wait but I just cannot be around them if they blame me.
dr appointment went well. Still have to do the series of blood work to be for sure I don't need surgery at all. He was very positive and has a way of always making me feel better. He encouraged us to try again but just wait at least a month for the physical aspect, and as long as we need for the emotional. He said it will still be risky but not to give up. |
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 Dr. Ruth
Posts: 9891
Location: Blissfully happy Giants fan!!! | Many prayers to you missroselee. I am so sorry for your loss but I feel better knowing your husband is taking extraordinary care of you. |
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 Neat Freak
Posts: 11216
Location: Wonderful Wyoming | many prayers to you. I know it is hard, been there. I have a close friend that lost 3 or 4 babies from 8-12 weeks. Her body has a hard time with folic acid. She had 2 babies though, a girl and boy. Both tried to come at 5 months but with great Dr's she carried them long enough neither needed NICU.
I know another lady that has Iron issues so has had some miscarriages and just had a healthy baby girl. I'm not sure of what your high risk is, but prayers for a healthy baby when you are ready |
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 BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25351
Location: Bastrop, Texas | I'm sorry you are going through this. I have learned to console my oldest daughter after she miscarried 3 times. Finally, she was able to carry a pregnancy to term and then another right after that. It is true that with each spontaneous abortion, your chances of another increase, but a person can miscarry several times, and still have a successful pregnancy. We do know that spontaneous abortions are underestimated and they occur a lot more often than we realize. It is said that usually there is a reason for many spontaneous abortions, if that's any consolation.
What's most important right now is that you are seeing your doctor and getting all of your questions and concerns addressed by him/her. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 738
Location: Anywhere my horses are ! Lost in Texas!!!!! | hugs for you |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9991
Location: Kansas | Many prayers for you and your husband Tiff |
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 Looking for Lady Jockey
Posts: 3747
Location: Rodeos or Baseball games | |
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Go Get Em!
Posts: 13503
Location: OH. IO | Continued prayers, im thinking and praying for you both. No ONE should be blaming you,shame on them if they cant see your greiving and sadness. You are right about one thing, you are married to a wonderful man, and your love for him is amazing. |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | HotbearLVR - 2013-12-02 10:55 AM I'm sorry you are going through this. I have learned to console my oldest daughter after she miscarried 3 times. Finally, she was able to carry a pregnancy to term and then another right after that. It is true that with each spontaneous abortion, your chances of another increase, but a person can miscarry several times, and still have a successful pregnancy. We do know that spontaneous abortions are underestimated and they occur a lot more often than we realize. It is said that usually there is a reason for many spontaneous abortions, if that's any consolation. What's most important right now is that you are seeing your doctor and getting all of your questions and concerns addressed by him/her.
The doc is very hometown style. We always end up talking horses and cooking and everything else. I feel very blessed to have him as a doc. He doesn't sugar coat anything. And he goes out of his way to help. When I found out I was pregnant I knew I had to stop taking an rx med. after my first appointment with him he called a few days later to let me know he researched it and found me an alternative. And we are actually going to stay with that alternative even though I'm no longer pregnant. Without something I cannot sleep at night.
He he has also helped tremendously with diet changes that helps with the sleeping and nerves. He is a very compassionate doctor without ever losing his professionalism. |
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More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | missroselee - 2013-12-02 9:41 AM I think what isn't helping is we both know as soon as we tell his parents they will rage and blame me for everything. I know it shouldn't matter but it's just the last thing I need. I have to take them to dr spots Thursday so hubby agreed to wait until after then to tell them. I know it's wrong to wait but I just cannot be around them if they blame me.
dr appointment went well. Still have to do the series of blood work to be for sure I don't need surgery at all. He was very positive and has a way of always making me feel better. He encouraged us to try again but just wait at least a month for the physical aspect, and as long as we need for the emotional. He said it will still be risky but not to give up.
If your in-laws are capable of that kind of behavior you need to distance yourself from them. I hope to heck they give you nothing but support |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace |
They will blame me because I chose to keep riding horses, and my doctor encouraged me to ride. They also will blame me because I workout almost everyday And they thought I should quit. I guess I was supposed to sit on the couch all day.
my doctor said the worst thing I could do was quit anything my body was used to. However, the Sunday before this all happened was my last barrel race. I had already made arrangements for someone else to ride the two barrel horses and I was only going to trail ride our old faithful. I was ok riding the first part, and the doc was adamant it was fine. I just not comfortable with continuing it past that.
So it's a free for all for anyone that wants to blame me I guess but so far every single person has been beyond awesome, supportive, and very very caring, it has been a blessing to know people understand and care. I think the feelings of guilt are natural for anyone. I was already preparing to rearrange my whole life for my child, was researching all the best baby stuff, learning tools, etcetc. Shoot I even told my best horse he was going to be my child's horse..........we have tossed around the idea of selling him but chose not to a while back because we know he will be the perfect kids horse if we need him to be........
i cant ant say where we will go from here. We just need time. I need to just wait until I feel normal again, if that's possible. It didn't help it was glucose testing today at the doc. Two women were complaining about the nasty taste......I could only cry a silent tear wishing they knew how lucky they were...... |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | CYA Ranch - 2013-12-02 11:32 AM missroselee - 2013-12-02 9:41 AM I think what isn't helping is we both know as soon as we tell his parents they will rage and blame me for everything. I know it shouldn't matter but it's just the last thing I need. I have to take them to dr spots Thursday so hubby agreed to wait until after then to tell them. I know it's wrong to wait but I just cannot be around them if they blame me.
dr appointment went well. Still have to do the series of blood work to be for sure I don't need surgery at all. He was very positive and has a way of always making me feel better. He encouraged us to try again but just wait at least a month for the physical aspect, and as long as we need for the emotional. He said it will still be risky but not to give up. If your in-laws are capable of that kind of behavior you need to distance yourself from them. I hope to heck they give you nothing but support
They are. They were both living with us when we found out. I kicked them out after a big blow up fight over how this was THEIR grandchild and that I was a horrible mother and wife because I would not sell my horses for the sake of the baby. It was horrible. |
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More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | missroselee - 2013-12-02 10:45 AM CYA Ranch - 2013-12-02 11:32 AM missroselee - 2013-12-02 9:41 AM I think what isn't helping is we both know as soon as we tell his parents they will rage and blame me for everything. I know it shouldn't matter but it's just the last thing I need. I have to take them to dr spots Thursday so hubby agreed to wait until after then to tell them. I know it's wrong to wait but I just cannot be around them if they blame me.
dr appointment went well. Still have to do the series of blood work to be for sure I don't need surgery at all. He was very positive and has a way of always making me feel better. He encouraged us to try again but just wait at least a month for the physical aspect, and as long as we need for the emotional. He said it will still be risky but not to give up. If your in-laws are capable of that kind of behavior you need to distance yourself from them. I hope to heck they give you nothing but support
OMGosh. I'm so sorry your dealing with a multitude of bad fortune and nastiness. Be strong and remember, this isn't your fault in anything you did or didn't do. Your hubby sounds like a wonderful man and I'm sure he'll handle his parents. |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | missroselee - 2013-12-02 10:45 AM CYA Ranch - 2013-12-02 11:32 AM missroselee - 2013-12-02 9:41 AM I think what isn't helping is we both know as soon as we tell his parents they will rage and blame me for everything. I know it shouldn't matter but it's just the last thing I need. I have to take them to dr spots Thursday so hubby agreed to wait until after then to tell them. I know it's wrong to wait but I just cannot be around them if they blame me.
dr appointment went well. Still have to do the series of blood work to be for sure I don't need surgery at all. He was very positive and has a way of always making me feel better. He encouraged us to try again but just wait at least a month for the physical aspect, and as long as we need for the emotional. He said it will still be risky but not to give up. If your in-laws are capable of that kind of behavior you need to distance yourself from them. I hope to heck they give you nothing but support
I am so sorry! Feelings of guilt are very natural.... even though that is rarely the case (that anything "caused" this that was under our control).
Try not to let them bother you....I know I would be keeping my distance... good grief. They do not sound very compassionate. |
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Industrial Srength Barrel Racer
Posts: 7264
| missroselee - 2013-12-02 7:18 AM I just wanted to add that I wish every woman on here could be married to a man like my husband. Every woman deserves to be loved like this.......
This is probably the sweetest thing I have ever read! |
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 Expert
Posts: 3782
Location: Gainesville, TX | So so sorry for your loss. Prayers for you. |
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Ima Fickle Fan
Posts: 3547
Location: Texas | missroselee - 2013-12-02 10:42 AM
They will blame me because I chose to keep riding horses, and my doctor encouraged me to ride. They also will blame me because I workout almost everyday And they thought I should quit. I guess I was supposed to sit on the couch all day.
my doctor said the worst thing I could do was quit anything my body was used to. However, the Sunday before this all happened was my last barrel race. I had already made arrangements for someone else to ride the two barrel horses and I was only going to trail ride our old faithful. I was ok riding the first part, and the doc was adamant it was fine. I just not comfortable with continuing it past that.
So it's a free for all for anyone that wants to blame me I guess but so far every single person has been beyond awesome, supportive, and very very caring, it has been a blessing to know people understand and care. I think the feelings of guilt are natural for anyone. I was already preparing to rearrange my whole life for my child, was researching all the best baby stuff, learning tools, etcetc. Shoot I even told my best horse he was going to be my child's horse..........we have tossed around the idea of selling him but chose not to a while back because we know he will be the perfect kids horse if we need him to be........
i cant ant say where we will go from here. We just need time. I need to just wait until I feel normal again, if that's possible. It didn't help it was glucose testing today at the doc. Two women were complaining about the nasty taste......I could only cry a silent tear wishing they knew how lucky they were......
Your doctor is right. Exercise during pregnancy, even horseback riding, should be done. There aretons of benefits to exercising during pregnancy. Not exercising can create even more problems. And as long as you are riding a safe horse, you can continue to do so until your body says otherwise.
Sounds like your in-laws are ignorant and backward in their thinking. No offense to them. Unless they have a medical degree, they should keep their mouths shut.
And if that is how your in-laws think, try not to place much value on their opinion. Hard to do, but they sound highly judgmental of someone who is a very caring and loving person. They should be grateful their son chose you instead of judging you in a negative manner.
ETA - News article refuting the be lazy mindset during pregnancy --> http://news.yahoo.com/yes-exercise-during-pregnancy-140428483.html
Edited by aggiejudger 2013-12-02 11:36 AM
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | Thank you guys again for all the support. Hubby actually managed to get today off work. Right now he's the only Platoon SGT they have, so getting a day off is nearly impossible, and he is really the only one that knows what needs done. I told him it was ok if he couldn't. He went in his usual time (gets up at 330am) and was back home around 6. The Commander didn't even let him finish, as soon as he told him he sent him home for the whole day. We are just going to spend the day together.
Doc said the headache was a combination of the miscarraige/blood loss, and dehydration and lack of eating. He made hubby take me for breakfast and gave me the go head to take OTC meds. He offered an Rx for codiene but I still have the script I use for my spine and it was from back in June so still good to use. I do feel much better now that I've eaten more and rested. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1218
Location: Great NW | Many hugs to you! take the time you need to grieve your loss - |
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Expert
Posts: 1218
Location: Great NW | Do not blame yourself - Hopefully tests will reveal the reason why. For your sake if the in Laws start in - get in your car and drive away. if they can not be nice they need not be part of your private life. |
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Maybe Someday
Posts: 4551
| Just wanted to let you know you've been in my thoughts and prayers
Stay strong, you done nothing wrong,and just stay away from the in-laws
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | Thank you. Today has been a little bit better. Hubby got to stay home and was ordered to stay home tomorrow.
We go from talking about if we even want to think about trying again to never wanting to go through this again.w e both keep telling ourselves and each other that we just need to take time. As much as I want all the answers right now I have to have faith that we will figure this out as we go |
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More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | missroselee - 2013-12-02 7:14 PM Thank you. Today has been a little bit better. Hubby got to stay home and was ordered to stay home tomorrow.
We go from talking about if we even want to think about trying again to never wanting to go through this again.w e both keep telling ourselves and each other that we just need to take time. As much as I want all the answers right now I have to have faith that we will figure this out as we go
And you will figure it out. Time. They say time heals all wounds. I'm not sure of that. Dulls the pain maybe but heals is another matter. Just stay away from the in-laws. You don't need their B.S. |
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 Wide Darn Open
Posts: 2141
| Praying for you guys my friend. |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | CYA Ranch - 2013-12-02 8:19 PM missroselee - 2013-12-02 7:14 PM Thank you. Today has been a little bit better. Hubby got to stay home and was ordered to stay home tomorrow.
We go from talking about if we even want to think about trying again to never wanting to go through this again.w e both keep telling ourselves and each other that we just need to take time. As much as I want all the answers right now I have to have faith that we will figure this out as we go And you will figure it out. Time. They say time heals all wounds. I'm not sure of that. Dulls the pain maybe but heals is another matter. Just stay away from the in-laws. You don't need their B.S.
Thank you. Even hubby says he doesn't feel ready to deal with them yet. A part of me feels bad for them being the last to know but At the same time they sort of brought it on themselves. I will pray I am wrong and they will be civil and compassionate. But I don't expect them to be which is ok because I know I have the support we need |
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Blessed 
Location: Here | May The Lord wrap his loving arms around you and give you Love and comfort |
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 Chatty Kathy
Posts: 6634
Location: In Ky following Barrel Races & Walker hounds. | You have been on my mind all day. Many prayers. |
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 Bye-Bye Jiggle
Posts: 1691
Location: Where ever there's sunshine! | I really dont know what to say. I just want to reach out and hug you...so here . Just look at it as God needed that angel... |
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Posts: 1304
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | Thank you guys again. Hubby is going to tell his parents this morning. He's already stressing about their reactions. I just want to get it over with so he can stop worrying. I do t have to deal with them, but he does since they are his parents. |
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Looking for Lady Jockey
Posts: 3747
Location: Rodeos or Baseball games | Prayers for you and hubby. |
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Go Get Em!
Posts: 13503
Location: OH. IO | Thinking of you today, I see God has put you in anothers life this morning,helping another BHW member on another thread, I want to say, with your huge loss, IM PROUD OF YOU,giving advice on something that has been so painful to you recently. This is why im so PROUD TO CALL YOU FRIEND, and why JOSH IS SO LUCKY TO HAVE MARRIED YOU. Love you Tiff. |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | jake16 - 2013-12-03 11:16 AM Thinking of you today, I see God has put you in anothers life this morning,helping another BHW member on another thread, I want to say, with your huge loss, IM PROUD OF YOU,giving advice on something that has been so painful to you recently. This is why im so PROUD TO CALL YOU FRIEND, and why JOSH IS SO LUCKY TO HAVE MARRIED YOU. Love you Tiff.
Because if I can make a difference for anyone else, no matter how small it may be, then at least I know my life on this earth hasn't been for nothing. We were put on this earth to serve each other and help when we can, not to serve ourselves........ |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | He told his mom. His dad was sleeping. I chose to not be there or go inside when I went to pick him up. He said it went better then expected. Obviously she was upset. He said he made it very clear that I did not want them talking to me about it at all. I guess time will tell. I think we can start moving on now and healing now that they know and we don't feel like we are hiding from them |
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 Scorpions R Us
Posts: 9586
Location: So. Cali. | I am late at posting, but want to continue to offer And to you both. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1778
Location: On The Move | Shoot Tiff, I'm just seeing this. I am *so* very sorry!!! You guys are most definitely in my prayers. I know when the Lord allows, you will be amazing parents. Keep your chin up, and know that I'm sure thinking of you!!  |
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 Experienced Mouse Trapper
Posts: 3106
Location: North Dakota | There are no words that will make this better, so here's a cyber hug and prayer that you find your own way through this. This is not the end of the world, but dam sure close. :'( shedding a few tears with you.
Edited by LMS 2013-12-03 3:18 PM
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | Thank you guys so much. Hubby finally told me tonight he does want to try again, I don't know if I will want to but at least I know how he feels and that lifts a heavy burden off my mind. |
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More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | missroselee - 2013-12-03 12:37 PM He told his mom. His dad was sleeping. I chose to not be there or go inside when I went to pick him up. He said it went better then expected. Obviously she was upset. He said he made it very clear that I did not want them talking to me about it at all. I guess time will tell. I think we can start moving on now and healing now that they know and we don't feel like we are hiding from them
I'm going to think happy thoughts. Not that it will work.....but just maybe they'll treat you with a little respect. Here's a big hug and squeeze my friend. |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | CYA Ranch - 2013-12-03 7:55 PM missroselee - 2013-12-03 12:37 PM He told his mom. His dad was sleeping. I chose to not be there or go inside when I went to pick him up. He said it went better then expected. Obviously she was upset. He said he made it very clear that I did not want them talking to me about it at all. I guess time will tell. I think we can start moving on now and healing now that they know and we don't feel like we are hiding from them I'm going to think happy thoughts. Not that it will work.....but just maybe they'll treat you with a little respect. Here's a big hug and squeeze my friend.
I think they will. I think they are finally realizing how close josh and I are and that they can either get on board with our relationship or move on. I'm not saying it will be a good relationship but I think it's one that can still be repaired. I will never be close to them but I do hope we can all drop our barriers and be civil and get along for the sake of being family |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 307
Location: Florida | Apparently I missed this thread somehow, and I'm just now seeing it. I know you'd filled me in some but it all makes even more sense and breaks my heart even more for you, sweet friend. I am so very sorry, I am in my 12th week now and I can't imagine. Prayers for you and your husband. |
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Cold hands and Warm Heart
Location: oklahoma | I too just read the entire thread. Many hugs, hold each other and rest. Best medicine |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | So how do I get to a point where I feel like I can start letting my life get back to normal? Because it doesn't seem like it's ever going to be ok....... |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | missroselee - 2013-12-04 7:45 AM So how do I get to a point where I feel like I can start letting my life get back to normal? Because it doesn't seem like it's ever going to be ok.......
You just jump in.... it took me a while. I am not a crier, but I cried a lot during my experience.
The thing that helped the most was legit forcing myself to get off the couch, go out to the barn, and try to spend some time with the horses. My husband and I also got out of the house and did some things together.
Just keep swimming. While the hurt never goes away entirely, it gets easier. I am thinking I will finally get through the holidays this year with less depression/sadness (I lost the baby two days before Christmas), and it's been two years. But I know how much it hurts.... |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace |
If not for my horses and husband I couldn't do this at all. But it's like a part of me feels guilty if I move on or try to. I'm back at work today. |
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Location: Lost with the rest of the MINIONS! | missroselee - 2013-12-04 7:44 AM If not for my horses and husband I couldn't do this at all. But it's like a part of me feels guilty if I move on or try to. I'm back at work today.
You are very brave to go back to work today. Thinking good thoughts for you and your hubby. I love the advice of "Just keep swimming" some days that is the best any of us can do. Hang in there. |
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More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | Sleepy H Ranch - 2013-12-04 8:50 AM missroselee - 2013-12-04 7:44 AM If not for my horses and husband I couldn't do this at all. But it's like a part of me feels guilty if I move on or try to. I'm back at work today.
I love the quote "just keep swimming" also. Watch Finding Nemo! Listening to Dori sing that will brighten your day and help keep you plugging along day by day! You know we've all got your back. We're here for you and if your feeling down, please let us know.
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More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | Here's a better one!
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | Thanks guys. It's jus been a bad day and not getting any better. You would think they would know better then to call to remind me of my next OB appointment. The 11 week HCG came back at a 5 week level. Th most recent results aren't back yet |
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Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Hugs, thinking of you. |
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Go Get Em!
Posts: 13503
Location: OH. IO | Thinking of you today |
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Regular
Posts: 78
Location: Where the Jasmine & Magnolia Grow | Prayers from NC to help both of you through this difficult time. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 766
Location: Texas | You are on my heart today and in my prayers. |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | Thank you. I'm just not doing ok with any of this right now. I don't know if I need to ask the doc to talk to someone or if this is normal. |
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Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9991
Location: Kansas | Thinking of you today
Before I was pregnant with my daughter, I was once before that....and I ended up losing my baby when I was 11 weeks along, horrible pain and I cried for 2 weeks straight. I couldn't work, the only thing that kept me going was my grey mare. Thankfully I had alot of good friends and family who supported me and helped me through alot. It will get better, I promise. Just think positive and be strong |
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More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | missroselee - 2013-12-06 7:44 AM Thank you. I'm just not doing ok with any of this right now. I don't know if I need to ask the doc to talk to someone or if this is normal.
Hang in there honey. I would imagine you have very normal feelings right now. Can you talk to a pastor? All I have to offer you is my prayers and many cyber hugs. |
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Miss Laundry Misshap
Posts: 5271
| missroselee - 2013-12-04 11:42 AM Thanks guys. It's jus been a bad day and not getting any better. You would think they would know better then to call to remind me of my next OB appointment. The 11 week HCG came back at a 5 week level. Th most recent results aren't back yet
You still have your woman parts. They need to make sure everything is OK, if you decide you want to do this again. It would be very beneficial for you to go and discuss the feelings you've been having with people who have witnessed this tragedy time after time.
Just know I'm still thinking about you and hoping that time and prayer will help alleviate the pain you are experiencing. Time will dull the edges, but it doesn't make one forget. |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | That was how my HCG went....too low, then stayed low and was going down... then I miscarried.
You have nothing to feel guilty about. I felt the same way...but I tried to tell myself (and this is silly, but bear with me)... that no child would want their parent to feel badly or continue to be sad. In any death, those who die would want those still alive to live on and be happy... not stuck in mourning.
The best thing you can do is allow yourself to grieve... but don't become stuck in the sadness. Life goes on. Each day will be a tiny bit easier... and you just can't surrender to the sadness. You can't let it win.
There is nothing wrong with talking your feelings out with your doctor. They will likely have a lot of good advice. Your hormones are probably all over the place as well...and that is not helping out any.
The thing that helped me the most was just talking to other people who had been down that road. It made me realize that I hadn't done anything wrong, and that it is really pretty common. Here's to hoping today is a little easier for you. Try to keep your chin up, and don't allow the grief to take over. |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | They did more blood work this past Monday and assured me they would call me with the results by Wednesday morning. This series of blood work was to make sure the HCG levels were falling and I didn't need more tests or a d&c. I called wednesday, then thursday, then again this morning and nobody would help me. I got the cold shoulder and everybody treated me like I was over reacting. So I said screw it and went up there and sat in their waiting room until I got answer. This may not be a big deal to them or to anyone else but it's a big freaking deal to me. I don't know what's normal or what's not.
Anyways....I need help. The blood work today showed the levels were dropping off dramatically. Doctor said the continued cramping was normal and prescribed more pain meds.
I specifically asked him if I could see a specialist to see about any available tests they could do to make sure there wasn't something wrong with me or my body that could cause another miscarriage. He said no. He said the only time they do those tests is if I have a second miscarriage. Why the hell should I have to have TWO miscarriages before anybody cares? Do I have the right to see a specialist and ask for help? Or am I over reacting?
Should I just change doctors? I do not think I would be comfortable using this office again based on the callous and cold nature of how I have been treated. I mean who calls to remind someone who just had a miscarriage of their next OB appointment? Why do I have to keep telling the same office staff over and over and over again that I'm no longer pregnant?
Any advice would be helpful.......problem is that if I have to wait for a second miscarriage to finally be able to do tests to rule out problems with me, there will NOT be a third one. I'm barely making it through the first, I could never ever do this again. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 720
| I'm gonna be the bad guy here. I am sorry this happened to you. It happens to a lot of people and it's perfectly normal. Yes, the doctor's office is not going to be sympathetic because it's just another medical thing to them. There is no way of knowing if you're susceptible to miscarriages until you have multiple miscarriages. Just go on back to your life as best as you can. It does get easier. This experience has taught you that you are able to get pregnant and you can do it again. It will make you more appreciative of the child you will carry to term. I speak from experience.
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | LoudAppy - 2013-12-06 1:50 PM I'm gonna be the bad guy here. I am sorry this happened to you. It happens to a lot of people and it's perfectly normal. Yes, the doctor's office is not going to be sympathetic because it's just another medical thing to them. There is no way of knowing if you're susceptible to miscarriages until you have multiple miscarriages. Just go on back to your life as best as you can. It does get easier. This experience has taught you that you are able to get pregnant and you can do it again. It will make you more appreciative of the child you will carry to term. I speak from experience.
"If" I ever carry one to term...not that I would have appreciated this child just as much.
My doctor pretty much told me today that this was my fault because I've waited so long to get pregnant (33 years old) and I just have to deal with it. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 720
| Get a woman doctor. Not that they will be more sympathetic, but maybe more understanding. I was 33 when I had my daughter 16 years ago. My 33-year-old doctor was pregnant when she delivered her.
None of this "if" stuff, either. You need to stay positive. I know you're more positive than that in other areas of your life, this should be no different.
Edited by LoudAppy 2013-12-06 12:56 PM
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | LoudAppy - 2013-12-06 1:55 PM Get a woman doctor. Not that they will be more sympathetic, but maybe more understanding. I was 33 when I had my daughter 16 years ago. My 33-year-old doctor was pregnant when she delivered her.
None of this "if" stuff, either. You need to stay positive. I know you're more positive than that in other areas of your life, this should be no different.
I'm not looking for a doctor that will coddle me and feel sorry for me, but it would be nice if they actually cared enough to get the test results to me when they have ahd them in hand all week rather then make me wait and wonder. And a doctor who isn't going to tell me I'm an idiot for waiting until I was 33 to get pregnant. I didn't even get married until I was 29.
And everybody handles every situation different so if I'm not as upbeat and positive as everyone thinks I should be, well, I'm not going to sit here and make excuses..... |
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Reaching for the stars....
Posts: 12704
| I, too, think you should find another doctor. No doctor should make you feel bad. Coddling is one thing, but laying guilt on a patient is another. 33 is NOT too old to get started with a family, even in Missouri.
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Whack and Roll
Posts: 6342
Location: NE Texas | I'm about to be 37 and every year he asks me the same thing in a barely understandable Phillipino voice, "You have baybay this yea???". And every year I say no, i'm too old. I "think" he says no you not, you are in pwime age to have baybay. Maybe you should come see my doctor. He certainly won't tell you you're stupid for waiting too long.....i'm thinking he's still going to be trying to convince me to have baybay when i'm 47! LOL
Sorry, not taking your situation lightly, just trying to make you smile. Know this isn't the road, it's the beginning and we all have complications along the way. Just keep smiling, happiness is a choice regardless of the things we are going through. You can do this! |
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 The Rose of Rodeo...
Posts: 2560
Location: Where we still run to look when the siren goes by. | I work with a lot of OB pts and 33 is NOT too old to start. Trust me there are a lot of 30+ year olds with their first OB appointments. Yes, we see a lot of miscarriages and while it’s another routine appointment for us, it is a totally foreign experience for that patient. It’s not your fault. Miscarriages, unfortunately, are very common.
Can you try another clinic? Drs, clinical staff, nobody, should be making you feel that way. Let the administrator know, I’m sure they’d love to know that.
Like others have mentioned, get busy with your horses, talk to them and take them for a walk. TALK to your husband as well, he is going through a hard time too and often men have a harder time dealing with these emotions.
Hugs and prayers of comfort! This is not the end sister!
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | missroselee - 2013-12-06 12:52 PM LoudAppy - 2013-12-06 1:50 PM I'm gonna be the bad guy here. I am sorry this happened to you. It happens to a lot of people and it's perfectly normal. Yes, the doctor's office is not going to be sympathetic because it's just another medical thing to them. There is no way of knowing if you're susceptible to miscarriages until you have multiple miscarriages. Just go on back to your life as best as you can. It does get easier. This experience has taught you that you are able to get pregnant and you can do it again. It will make you more appreciative of the child you will carry to term. I speak from experience.
"If" I ever carry one to term...not that I would have appreciated this child just as much.
My doctor pretty much told me today that this was my fault because I've waited so long to get pregnant (33 years old) and I just have to deal with it.
No offence, but reading this makes me strongly dislike your doctor. LOL
I work in a medical genectics laboratory, and until recently we did prenatal testing (we are now sending them out to another lab).
You are not considered AMA, or advanced maternal age, until 35. However, even after that age, plenty of women have healthy babies. My co-worker delivered her first at 37. I would definitely be in search of a new doctor.
One miscarriage (esp first pregnancy) is very common. They can do genetic testing, but usually that is only recommended after multiple miscarriages, normally because it is very expensive, and I'm guessing insurance has outlines for when they will pay for testing. You husband will also be tested (it's a blood test for both of you) if you need to go this route.
Try not to worry. Honestly the to miscarry the first pregnancy is quite common. My mother had one before she had me. |
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Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Switch doctors and do not doubt yourself about doing so. You have to be your own advocate and if you are not getting the support and answers you need from this doctor get a new one. My neice was born with a severe seizure disorder and spent her life in and out of hospitals. My sister quickly learned not to be intimidated by the medical community and when necessary cause a stir to get tests and care for her daughter. She was right so many times that the doctors quit questioning her. Fight for what you need, I would keep after them till you get the testing you want done. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1117
Location: MI | Many hugs to you. I have never been in that situation but one of my best friends had one last spring, but is now 5 months pregnant and going well. She's only 24 ..I guess I'm tell you this because just like everyone says, it does happen, to women of all ages. 33 is not that old- it's early thirties. I also agree with others, a different doctor may be good.. Like you said- not only the vibe you got from him but also the way the office has been handling things. I think it'd help you get a fresh start too |
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Expert
Posts: 1543
Location: MI | Missroselee, I hurt for what you are going through. I would try another Dr., personally, because you sound uncomfortable with the way they have treated you through this - and I don't blame you a bit.
I'm not 100% sure that another office may not have made the same mistake/infraction/etc. I hate that when I go the the Dr. I seem to get asked the same questions over and over, it shows that they haven't retained the information from the last visit a month ago or read my chart. I think there isn't much of an excuse for this. That being said, I will (trying to be nice, but get my point across) remind them that we have been through this before. However, if it was dealing with a sensitive issue such as this, I would move on. There are offices out that that will see you as a person first.
As for the genetic testing, my sister has had multiple miscarriages, but she didn't go for genetic testing/it wasn't recommended until after the 3rd.
I'm praying for you and your husband daily. Much love |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | So is it common enough that there's a really good chance there's nothing wrong with me physically? I have always had difficult women issues. Severe cramping and high fevers/illness every time I cycle. Enough to land me in the ER three times as a teenager, and enough to put me on birth control my whole life. And not pills where I get a cycle, the kind of BC where I don't cycle at all. If not on BC I had/have severe issues with low iron, anemia, and hypoglycemia. It would land me right back on BC if I went off for more then 8-10 months. I would go off BC every 2-3 years just to take a break from it.
In 2012 I made a choice to stay off of it and went through holy hell the first four or five months, but then I seemed ok after that. Short periods, 2-3 days tops, and no fever, just a chest cold every time (coughing and feeling "down").
I still haven't decided we want to do this again but we are both leaning to it. I was horrified of the process of being pregnant and missing out with my "life" and horses, but it's only one stinking year. I have the rest of my life to ride and enjoy it, I only have so much time left if we want to give this another try.
Based on the fact that I will turn 34 in April, if we are going to try again, should we do it ASAP or are we hurting anything by waiting a few months? I wanted to wait until Spring/summer...give myself time to really get "over" this. |
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Fact Checker
Posts: 16572
Location: Displaced Iowegian | missroselee - 2013-12-06 1:00 PM LoudAppy - 2013-12-06 1:55 PM Get a woman doctor. Not that they will be more sympathetic, but maybe more understanding. I was 33 when I had my daughter 16 years ago. My 33-year-old doctor was pregnant when she delivered her.
None of this "if" stuff, either. You need to stay positive. I know you're more positive than that in other areas of your life, this should be no different. I'm not looking for a doctor that will coddle me and feel sorry for me, but it would be nice if they actually cared enough to get the test results to me when they have ahd them in hand all week rather then make me wait and wonder. And a doctor who isn't going to tell me I'm an idiot for waiting until I was 33 to get pregnant. I didn't even get married until I was 29.
And everybody handles every situation different so if I'm not as upbeat and positive as everyone thinks I should be, well, I'm not going to sit here and make excuses.....
I feel so bad for you ......I can't say that I know how you feel since I have never been in your situation but have had friends who have been there. From their experiences, I think every one of them has experienced some feeling of guilt, albeit unwarranted. Each has taken different lengths of time to "grieve" so there is no set time. I certainly would be looking for a new DR. One, who lays guilt upon you, is very unprofessional and uncaring.....miscarriages have happened many time to MUCH younger women than you. |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | We have tricare insurance, and in my experience, they will listen to us (the patients) and let us change doctors if we have a valid reason. The way they made me feel this week I think is valid. I don't think I could trust them a second time. I'm not saying they should drop everything for me, but if they care as little this time, would they even catch something next time?
I don't know how miscarriages truly work, but I feel like we missed something at the 9 week appointment. The fetus stopped developing week seven or eight. They did not even do an ultrasound at the 9 week appointment even though the doctor has serious concerns because my cervix had not even begun to close. Should that fact have necessiated an ultrasound or did they do things by the book? They did do a 6 week ultrasound and were planning a second ultrasound December 11th (which would have been my next OB appointment).
I am sorry I keep bringing this up guys. I'm not sitting here feeling sorry for myself. I am sorry that it seems like thousands of women go through this and nobody talks about it, but I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm just trying to sort things out and try to make my brain chill out |
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| First off I'm sorry you and your husband had to go through all this. I'd find another dr.
Now on another note some good friends of ours are 36 yrs old. She found out she was pregnant last yr right before thanksgiving a few weeks later they miscarried. They were heartbroken also as she is her age they do have three kids but wanted one more to complete their family. But had decided they were afraid to try again as she had previous miscarriages. Not a month and half later they were pregnant again, she got super sick one night and they went into er right away. She called a few if us terrified it was happening again but what was making her so sick is she was having triplets. Completely natural with no fertility stuff. She carried then until 32 weeks I think and they no have two beautiful girls and a handsome son that are 4 months old. So don't let anyone tell you that you are too old tiff!! Many hugs and prayers.
They also are air force and on tricare. They chose to go to drs at different place
Edited by gunsmoke 2013-12-06 1:57 PM
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | missroselee - 2013-12-06 1:45 PM So is it common enough that there's a really good chance there's nothing wrong with me physically? I have always had difficult women issues. Severe cramping and high fevers/illness every time I cycle. Enough to land me in the ER three times as a teenager, and enough to put me on birth control my whole life. And not pills where I get a cycle, the kind of BC where I don't cycle at all. If not on BC I had/have severe issues with low iron, anemia, and hypoglycemia. It would land me right back on BC if I went off for more then 8-10 months. I would go off BC every 2-3 years just to take a break from it.
In 2012 I made a choice to stay off of it and went through holy hell the first four or five months, but then I seemed ok after that. Short periods, 2-3 days tops, and no fever, just a chest cold every time (coughing and feeling "down").
I still haven't decided we want to do this again but we are both leaning to it. I was horrified of the process of being pregnant and missing out with my "life" and horses, but it's only one stinking year. I have the rest of my life to ride and enjoy it, I only have so much time left if we want to give this another try.
Based on the fact that I will turn 34 in April, if we are going to try again, should we do it ASAP or are we hurting anything by waiting a few months? I wanted to wait until Spring/summer...give myself time to really get "over" this.
Wait until you are ready. It is not a sudden "switch" of 35 being problematic. Statistically, the incidence of problems does increase with age steadily, not all at once.... 35 is basically the cutoff for a doctor recommending additional testing to rule out common genetic abnormalities due to statistical significance.
What I would suggest is telling your doctor about your menstrual troubles and having an ultrasound done if you haven't already had one. You may have some cysts or other issues, or hormonal levels off, etc (May or may not have anything to do with your miscarriage, likely not, but worth checking out if you never have before).
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Expert
Posts: 1543
Location: MI | From the vibe that I've gotten - and it's just that, from what I've seen - is that before the 12 week mark miscarriages are so common that there isn't much that can be done to 'save' them if it was going to happen. And, that so much developing is happening at that time, that if it miscarried, there is probably a reason, developmentally. Not that you weren't physically right, but that something in the development wasn't right.
Giving it a few months, I think, would be fine. Maybe visit a few doctors in the meantime?
You're doing good by talking about it |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 838
Location: Georgia | Prayers and hugs to you... If it were me, I don't think I could "wait" to try again. I think I would want to try again immediately, of course allow yourself time to heal, but I think (for me) waiting another 6 months would allow myself too much time to think and possibly talk myself out of trying again. Everyone is different and grieves differently, but I think trying again sooner my be beneficial to both you and your husband's emotions. Love on your husband, animals, and talk to whoever you need to talk to. Don't second guess yourself. You're a strong lady! |
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Addicted to Baseball
Location: Where the stars at night are big and bright, TX | Unfortnately many women miscarry and often don't even know it. Because it is so common, a person would have to have more than one to try to connect the dots. It's not likely they'll refer you to a specialist after one miscarry - if they do I'd guess that person would tell you the same thing when everything comes back normal anyway. I had one at 13 weeks when I was younger. It was a blighted ovum. Never was a baby. A fertilized egg can attach as normal but an embryo never develops. It was pretty significant when everything started and I had to have a D&C the same day.
Hormone fluxuations and feelings. You've gone nearly 3 months or more in my case into a pregnancy and of course you can already note the hormone changes on the increase, so the decrease of those hormones is also going to cause problems. Of course the loss is something to come to terms with but hormones will also make someone's frame of mind worse as they can anytime our hormones are fluctuating.
I think I'd find another dr. who is at least more sympathetic of your concerns and can answer some "what if" questions if you have them. More and more women have been waiting to have their children at later ages for a long time now and your dr. sounds like he's carrying his own opinions over into that. I finally had my first at 38 and my 2nd 11 months later at 39. My OB-GYN in our tiny town had five women at the same time as myself, from the ages of 42 - 51 having their first and they had perfectly healthy babies with no fertility support or concerns.
Getting pregnant is the hard part, your dr. and any dr. should and would tell you that - that's just a fact when comparing issues. When a woman can't even get pregnant, that's a greater indicator of problems to deal with. I'd not hesitate interviewing new doctors if I were you. It was very hard for me at the time, I was grateful to have every good doctors who educated me to my situation and I never walked away worried about my future chances for children. I did have a friend who had miscarriages between healthy births and it did take those 2-3 to learn she has progesterone issues in the beginning and once those were dealt with she immediately got pregnant and never miscarried again. Might add progesterone to your notes to ask about just for your own knowledge, it's a pretty common issue and solution for some women. |
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 Bulls Eye
Posts: 6443
Location: Oklahoma | My OBGYN had told me after my miscarriage that the following month you're more fertile. If you and Josh feel up to it, try...but don't put pressure on yourself. |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | I think I need to stop worrying so much about the why. You guys are truly helping. I do think it will be in my best personal interest to change doctors. |
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The Rose of Rodeo...
Posts: 2560
Location: Where we still run to look when the siren goes by. | missroselee - 2013-12-06 12:45 PM So is it common enough that there's a really good chance there's nothing wrong with me physically? I have always had difficult women issues. Severe cramping and high fevers/illness every time I cycle. Enough to land me in the ER three times as a teenager, and enough to put me on birth control my whole life. And not pills where I get a cycle, the kind of BC where I don't cycle at all. If not on BC I had/have severe issues with low iron, anemia, and hypoglycemia. It would land me right back on BC if I went off for more then 8-10 months. I would go off BC every 2-3 years just to take a break from it.
In 2012 I made a choice to stay off of it and went through holy hell the first four or five months, but then I seemed ok after that. Short periods, 2-3 days tops, and no fever, just a chest cold every time (coughing and feeling "down").
I still haven't decided we want to do this again but we are both leaning to it. I was horrified of the process of being pregnant and missing out with my "life" and horses, but it's only one stinking year. I have the rest of my life to ride and enjoy it, I only have so much time left if we want to give this another try.
Based on the fact that I will turn 34 in April, if we are going to try again, should we do it ASAP or are we hurting anything by waiting a few months? I wanted to wait until Spring/summer...give myself time to really get "over" this.
Our clinic usually has the first OB apt and US at 10-12 weeks along. Then another US at 20weeks then possibly at 24 weeks if not everything was seen on the 20week US. The Drs don’t like scheduling the first OB physical until around/after the 10week date due to the fact that most miscarriages happen prior to.
I had horrible menstrual issues as well and was on the BC that was every 3months (or never depending on how you wanted to take it) and had been on it since 15yo. A year ago I needed a surgery and had to be on antibiotics for 2months and ended getting pregnant at that time. I was almost 3mo along and didn’t find out until I took the placebo pills and nothing happened. So even despite all that I had a healthy baby.
Don’t rush into anything and feel you have to try and conceive before “The Deadline” – you don’t. Relax and have fun with it. Give all your worries and doubts to God and he will take care of you; it’s in his hands.
Remember the story of Abraham and Sarah Gen. 17:15, 16
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Miss Laundry Misshap
Posts: 5271
| My friend had a miscarriage a couple of years ago. It was because the doctor she was using argued about a few things. She gets LOW on progesterone and has to take supplemental progesterone to carry to term. The doc she had didn't want her on it at that time...she lost the baby shortly thereafter. She still chats about the experience once in awhile. She had 1 boy before the miscarriage and 1 girl after the miscarriage, so yes it's common and it happens.
I think I read through some of your stuff that you had something "off" but I didn't go back through, but thought this might be related. If not...no worries. Keep your head up and switch doctors! |
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Ima Fickle Fan
Posts: 3547
Location: Texas | Based upon your doctor's comment about age, I would find a new one. That is total BS. I also got married at 29. I was almost 32 when I had my first son and will be 36 when I have my second in February. Because of my age (35 is the magic scary number), I've also gone to see a high-risk OB. I also had to go through genetic counseling due to the increased risks.
Here is what I learned through that.... The difference between a 25 y.o. and a 35 y.o. having a healthy baby is less than 0.2%. It is so miniscule that it is a freakin' joke that 35 is the age that signifies high-risk. The difference really doesn't become an issue until a woman is in her 40s!!!
Age is not the reason for what happened. If things stopped progressing, they should have been concerned then. It is most likely that something was wrong....and not with you. Whatever was happening in the development process, something went wrong. And it's not something you could have predicted or something that may happen again.
I understand why they wouldn't do tests to determine the reason the loss occurred. I doubt they would be able to determine one. But to call you to remind you of an appointment and to be so cold to you, is unacceptable.
Please find another doctor. And please, do NOT blame yourself. This is far more common than people realize it. Most people don't talk about it. Instead, most suffer in silence and feel guilty. You did NOTHING wrong. Do not feel guilty. But please, grieve for your loss.... AND find another doctor. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 504
Location: Illinois | First let me say I'm so sorry for your loss. In 2008, we lost our son at 34 weeks. He was born alive and they were unable to revive him. His 5th birthday would have been Dec. 15. My water just broke and we had no idea anything was wrong until he was born. We had every test imaginable ran on him and us, and we found nothing.
Just skimming through some things, I would say if you want to change doctors do so. I did not as my OB was very understanding and she was able to put me on the high risk regimen when we were finally able to get pregnant again. I'll be honest, it's a tough road. I did end up going to see a professional because I was unable to function. It took 10 months of strict "planning" to get pregnant with my daughter and each month I'd continue to break down again. Just remember there isn't a timeline for grief. Often you will take 1 step forward and then 2 steps back, then sometimes all the way back. It's also OK if you feel good or happy or enjoy something, but it's also ok if you need to just break down. I remember pulling over and stopping and just cried my eyes out because of some song on the radio more than once. I'm still trying to figure out what normalcy is after all this time, and I think the truth is that it doesn't exist. I'm a very different person, I'd like to think more thoughtful and overall a better person. That's the way I choose to honor my son. If you need anything or just want to vent or yell or cry, feel free to contact me!! |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | Thank you guys. I hope for everyone who shared your experiences that it didn't cause pain or anything, and if it did I apologize. But I pray that there are other people who have read this thread who although may not post, have been helped and comforted as much as I have. You guys are amazing |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1066
| Ridenrun4745 - 2013-12-06 1:00 PM From the vibe that I've gotten - and it's just that, from what I've seen - is that before the 12 week mark miscarriages are so common that there isn't much that can be done to 'save' them if it was going to happen. And, that so much developing is happening at that time, that if it miscarried, there is probably a reason, developmentally. Not that you weren't physically right, but that something in the development wasn't right. Giving it a few months, I think, would be fine. Maybe visit a few doctors in the meantime? You're doing good by talking about it
My doctor wouldn't actually do a pap until I was 13 weeks because the risk of miscarriage is so high before that. She told me if anything was even slightly off your body would reject it to keep itself healthy, and often times it was actually preventing issues further into the pregnancy, or when the child is born.
On another note, my sister in law has been trying to get pregnant for almost 5 years. She is 31, but the issue she's faced for so long is that her eggs just wouldn't catch. They did invetro when they found out I was pregnant, it worked, and now everyone is just crossing their fingers that her body is able to carry- she's about 6 weeks along right now. Just in the past 2 years did they start really looking for a deeper issue as to why she couldn't get pregnant, and her doctor has assured them that they have plenty of time to try different avenues, and her age is in NO way a concern!
I dont know if there is a deeper issue for you, but try to stay positive and give it another try because one miscarriage so early on is so common for so many women who have gone on to have perfectly healthy babies! |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | I had my pap and physical exam done at 9 weeks but we have every reason to believe it was over before they did all that. All in all, I believe it's just in my best interst to find a new doctor. In no way do I blame this one for what happened but I can't feel comfortable going back for a second try with what has been going on. I get that this happens a lot but he made me feel horrible today |
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 IMA No Hair Style Gal
Posts: 2594
| If you want a new doctor-get a new doctor.
There is never anything wrong with a fresh start-or a new experience.
You don't and should not have to justify to anyone about getting a new one.
I have found that when I go with my gut-I normally have that feeling for a reason.
I almost wonder if you could talk to a nurse of some kind that could answer these questions that you have?
Or is there something offered through the hospital as a resource for this type of situation?
If you have questions-you deserve answers. It doesn't matter how small or how big the issue is. It is your body. You have a right to know.
Hang in there and I am sending many many prayers to you.
Take each day at a time. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 720
| missroselee - 2013-12-06 1:45 PM So is it common enough that there's a really good chance there's nothing wrong with me physically? I have always had difficult women issues. Severe cramping and high fevers/illness every time I cycle. Enough to land me in the ER three times as a teenager, and enough to put me on birth control my whole life. And not pills where I get a cycle, the kind of BC where I don't cycle at all. If not on BC I had/have severe issues with low iron, anemia, and hypoglycemia. It would land me right back on BC if I went off for more then 8-10 months. I would go off BC every 2-3 years just to take a break from it.
In 2012 I made a choice to stay off of it and went through holy hell the first four or five months, but then I seemed ok after that. Short periods, 2-3 days tops, and no fever, just a chest cold every time (coughing and feeling "down").
I still haven't decided we want to do this again but we are both leaning to it. I was horrified of the process of being pregnant and missing out with my "life" and horses, but it's only one stinking year. I have the rest of my life to ride and enjoy it, I only have so much time left if we want to give this another try.
Based on the fact that I will turn 34 in April, if we are going to try again, should we do it ASAP or are we hurting anything by waiting a few months? I wanted to wait until Spring/summer...give myself time to really get "over" this.
Yes it is that common! And you will give it another shot whenever you feel up to it. After my miscarriage, we started trying again right away, it didn't happen until almost 2 years later. I watched almost everyone I knew have babies while I just got older and older. People told me (I haven't seen this on here, though), that there was a reason the baby didn't survive, that maybe it wouldn't have been a healthy child anyway.
Being a mother comes with all kinds of pain and sacrifices, even from before the moment of conception. It is worth every single pain and tear. You will be an amazing mom. |
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 Nascar Princess
Posts: 6005
Location: Texas!!! | been there, I gave up on getting preggo after several miscarriages. 4 years after the last one, I bought a 2 seater car. Well God has a sense of humor, not only did I get pregnant and have my son in August 1987. When I went back for my 6 week checkup, I was pregnant again. Son number 2 was born June 1988. Lol. Had my tubes tied then. |
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I Am Always Right
Posts: 4264
Location: stray dump capital of the world | I lost my third child at 4 months. I didn't have any severe cramping, just some spotting before the whole miscarriage began. The end result from my miscarriage was a complete hysterectomy. I was 26 and it was an emergency hysterectomy from issues resulting from the miscarriage. During that time, I was so overwhelmingly depressed. I lost so much weight and ended up at @85 lbs on a 5'6" frame. I cried constantly. My boys were 4 and 1 and they would crawl up in my bed and cuddle me. I didn't have the strength or will to go on. I'm not sure what exactly caused me to to come out of it (because I am now 51!), but I did. My chances of another child were over, but I did have my 2 beautiful boys.
On the flip side, I work with a girl who is 38. She has had more miscarriages than anyone I know. She has a 10 year old daugther and always wanted more. They decided to quit trying as the heartache of miscarriages were just too much and their ages were a factor. Life took over and she ended up pregnant. She gave birth about a month ago to a beautiful, healthy baby.
Find a doctor you are comfortable with. You will "snap" (for lack of a better word) out of this in your own time. It varies for everyone and no one can put a time frame on grief. I know my grief lasted at least 6 months if not longer. I still go through periods of missing my child. Give your body time to heal and then try again. Don't consume yourself with the "what-ifs," or that will scare you the next time.
I will send some prayers your way. |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | Thank you yet again for all the support.
i spoke with tricare today and as usual, there were flipping awesome to deal with. They let me choose a new doctor which allowed me to get in with the Mercy system here in MO. That's who I take my in laws to and they are a pretty awesome group.
I called led today to schedule an appt for Wednesday morning but because of some moderate pain and heavy bleeding that started again today, they insisted I go to the ER to be safe.
everything seems to be ok (from ER visit). If I am understanding correctly, the HCG levels weren't dropping fast enough at first but now they are hence more bleeding. Ultrasounds looked well enough for no surgery. They gave me copies of the radiographs and all the blood work to take with me Wednesday but gave me an overall good report. And they were all amazingly supportive and helpful.
and thank God for a husband who will move heaven and earth for his wife |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 963
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas. | My mother was 42 when she had my youngest brother. I will be praying for you and your husband. |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | Saw the new doctor this morning. At least all the doctors around here seem to be on the same page. I got told again I'm too old to be considering this. So I guess that makes the decision easier. |
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 Always Off Topic
Posts: 6382
Location: ND | missroselee - 2013-12-11 10:17 AM Saw the new doctor this morning. At least all the doctors around here seem to be on the same page. I got told again I'm too old to be considering this. So I guess that makes the decision easier.
youre' only 34.......yes, not 20's which is much more preferable but certainly not old enough to say you are to old......a lot of women are having kids older than 34....geez |
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Ima Fickle Fan
Posts: 3547
Location: Texas | missroselee - 2013-12-11 10:17 AM Saw the new doctor this morning. At least all the doctors around here seem to be on the same page. I got told again I'm too old to be considering this. So I guess that makes the decision easier. Maybe you need to move to a new state. If only women in their teens and 20s should have babies, our population would go extinct.
That mentality is so ignorant and backward, it makes me want to spit nails.
ETA - When I had to sit through the genetic counseling, the lady told me that the oldest patient who had gotten pregnant naturally with her own egg was 52. You are NOT too old.
Edited by aggiejudger 2013-12-11 10:49 AM
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Looking for Lady Jockey
Posts: 3747
Location: Rodeos or Baseball games | You are not too old by any means. If you want a child I would keep trying. Sending prayers to you and your husband.
DONT GIVE UP. |
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 Regular
Posts: 67
| missroselee - 2013-12-11 10:17 AM
Saw the new doctor this morning. At least all the doctors around here seem to be on the same page. I got told again I'm too old to be considering this. So I guess that makes the decision easier.
I am not sure what is going on with the doctors in your area...but that is WRONG!!! My mom had my perfectly healthy sister at 36 and never did an doctor tell her she was to old PERIOD!!!!! I was almost 30 when I had my first and only child and heck most of the women in the waiting room pregnant with me were MUCH Older than I was!!!!
YOU ARE NOT TO OLD!!!!!!
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Miss Laundry Misshap
Posts: 5271
| Ok, here's my Missouri JOKE/Sarcasm post to go with this.
The Missouri Doctors have to realize that not everyone is 14 and married to their cousins, ready to procreate at the drop of a hat!!
In Seriousness,
I can't beleive that doctors are telling you that you are too old. I've got MULITPLE friends here in Iowa who have just gotten pregnant and it's their first. They are 29, 30, 31, 32. Just move a couple hundred miles north! |
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Addicted to Baseball
Location: Where the stars at night are big and bright, TX | missroselee - 2013-12-11 10:17 AM Saw the new doctor this morning. At least all the doctors around here seem to be on the same page. I got told again I'm too old to be considering this. So I guess that makes the decision easier.
I have to question why they are telling you this. Women miscarry all the time. Women past your age have babies all the time. Our hospital can't even set broken bones, so any medical concerns and specialists are a helicopter ride away, and none of these drs. out here would make that fearful age claim and would all agree one miscarry does not mean anything is wrong. Sounds like you have a whole bunch of apathetic health care providers making mountains out of mole hills.
And the BC, the cramps all that is still not a write-off. I had bad cramps from the get go and took Ponstel all my early years until I was in my late 20's. I'd have hot flashes, cold sweats, I'd lost consciousness in HS a few times due to pain and just fluxuating whatever going on in my body. I was a typical 20-something on BC often for most of that decade and into the next. I was treated for anorexia for 12 years and initially told my low body fat may have implications on future pregnancy efforts. I couldn't get pregnant when I was previously married. In my early 30's and no BC I'd had way out of whack hormone issues and developed a pregnancy mask and then awhile later had surgery for endometriosis and adhesions. Re-married in my late 30's and first tries both times we tried I was pregnant and no issues at all.
Agreed everyone is different, but one miscarry and a bunch of disinterested doctors (because surely they can't be that misinformed on pregnancy ages and trends) don't let that keep you from trying again. 
Edited by Tilt The Kilt 2013-12-11 12:23 PM
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Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | missroselee - 2013-12-06 12:52 PM
LoudAppy - 2013-12-06 1:50 PM I'm gonna be the bad guy here. I am sorry this happened to you. It happens to a lot of people and it's perfectly normal. Yes, the doctor's office is not going to be sympathetic because it's just another medical thing to them. There is no way of knowing if you're susceptible to miscarriages until you have multiple miscarriages. Just go on back to your life as best as you can. It does get easier. This experience has taught you that you are able to get pregnant and you can do it again. It will make you more appreciative of the child you will carry to term. I speak from experience.
"If" I ever carry one to term...not that I would have appreciated this child just as much.
My doctor pretty much told me today that this was my fault because I've waited so long to get pregnant (33 years old) and I just have to deal with it.
Get a different doctor. That's ridiculous. |
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Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | missroselee - 2013-12-11 10:17 AM
Saw the new doctor this morning. At least all the doctors around here seem to be on the same page. I got told again I'm too old to be considering this. So I guess that makes the decision easier.
That makes me angry for you. You are not too old. Not by any stretch. I was almost 31 when I had my first. I had a miscarriage before him--only about 25% of pregnancies result in live birth, it happens to many of us. I was pregnant again less than 2 months later. I had my 2nd at 34. There are SO MANY women waiting until their 30s to have babies, and doing it successfully, it is absolutely archaic that a doctor would tell you that. I had woman issues too, and going off BC after using it nearly continuously for over a decade was hellish. But it didn't impact my fertility. |
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 Water Weight Barbie
Posts: 6829
Location: Oz, Kansas | My mom was 45 when she had my sister & that was 19 1/2 years ago. She had 2 miscarriages prior but her Dr was wonderful to work with & was so encouraging & supportive.
As to wanting to know why this happened only God can answer that question but I can tell you that is wasn't from something you did to cause it. Terrible things happen to good people for unknown reasons. Please don't let the Dr.'s make your decision for you. You are not too old to get pregnant. If you need some referrals of some good OB's in Kansas let me know. |
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Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | The more I think about this, the madder I get. Even if you were 45 years old and trying to have your first child, how dare they tell a grieving, woman in physical pain who is weakened emotionally and mentally by her ongoing ordeal that she brought this on herself. I want to slap him and yell F you arsehole. And the fact that you are only 33 just makes it more absurd. Fertility declines with age, egg quality declines with age, but you can still have a healthy baby as long as you can get pregnant, which for many is into your 40s. Women do it every day. My mamaw was in bad health when she had her 10th child at 42 and the dr said the baby would be messed up and should be aborted. That was my mom. Thank God she told the dr where to stuff his opinions. Hang in there and don't let doctors with a God complex make your decisions for you. If you're done, you're done. If you want to try again, you should. Give yourself time to heal and pray about it. |
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 Works Hard For The Money
Posts: 4469
Location: Memphis, TN | Three 4 Luck - 2013-12-11 11:44 AM
missroselee - 2013-12-11 10:17 AM
Saw the new doctor this morning. At least all the doctors around here seem to be on the same page. I got told again I'm too old to be considering this. So I guess that makes the decision easier.
That makes me angry for you. You are not too old. Not by any stretch. I was almost 31 when I had my first. I had a miscarriage before him--only about 25% of pregnancies result in live birth, it happens to many of us. I was pregnant again less than 2 months later. I had my 2nd at 34. There are SO MANY women waiting until their 30s to have babies, and doing it successfully, it is absolutely archaic that a doctor would tell you that. I had woman issues too, and going off BC after using it nearly continuously for over a decade was hellish. But it didn't impact my fertility.
Makes me angry for you too. Please do not listen to these doctors. Only God knows the plan he has for you. I can't remember the scientific backing but I've always heard your chances of getting pregnant are a lot higher right after a pregnancy. I would try as soon as you can. You are already feeling your heart change about how having a child changes your life. Do not let a cold doctor diminish that. I'm not too fond of the direction female doctors have taken lately. They blow matters away based on "age" or that it's "normal". My mom had emergency surgery after 3 different doctors said it was nothing. Turned out her ovary was encased in a large abscess that had burst and was filling her abdomen with infection. But it was "normal female pain" according to them. She could have lost her life over it considering she is diabetic and any small issue turns into big issues quick. If you feel in your gut that you are meant to have a child then go for it. God is talking if you listen. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 625
Location: Harrisonville, Missouri | Not all Missouri docs are like that. I had a miscarriage many years ago. I was 33. The reason I even knew I was pregnant was because of the pre-op tests for my hysterectomy. Needless to say, when they called the night before my surgery to tell me my pregnancy test was positive and they had cancelled my surgery, I was in shock. Two days later, I miscarried. My doctor told me he WOULD NOT perform my hysterectomy surgery for at least a year, to give me time to decide about another child (I had my oldest at 26). It was never supposed to be an option for me. He sent me to a reproductive endocrinologist and then told me to start living my life. I had my second child at 36. My point is this, not all docs are like the ones you have seen. Sometimes you get that old-school mentality and it is unfortunate. I worked with a gal who was in her mid-30's when they started to try. She had two miscarriages and now has a beautiful 3 year old daughter. Don't let someone take that decision away from you and your husband!
FYI - I had problems with adhesions and had many of the same symptoms you had.
Edited by engravedinvitation 2013-12-11 12:15 PM
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The Famous Hot Wing Chicken Girl
Posts: 2964
| missroselee - 2013-12-06 1:45 PM So is it common enough that there's a really good chance there's nothing wrong with me physically?
Yes. You can be perfectly healthy and have a miscarriage.
My aunt had several miscarriages before she had her daughter and my cousin-in-law had 2 miscarriages, she's now 20 weeks with a healthy baby. She had a miscarriage about 2 months before this pregnancy.
Miscarriages are a lot more common than you think. The percentage of a healthy pregnancy after one or several miscarriages is high.
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | I guess I just need a lot more time then I planned on. I know nothing can prepare someone for the emotional part, but I misjudged the physical part and just how draining it is. I thought I would be back and "normal" quickly but it's been the opposite, and not having a doctor willing to explain everything hasn't helped. |
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I Really Love Jeans
Posts: 3173
Location: North Dakota | I am sorry for your loss but I promise it will get better. My sister lost her first pregnancy around the same amount of weeks you did. She waited a year before trying again. She now has three children, which are all teenagers! give yourself some time everything will be ok. |
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 Magnet for Stupid People
Posts: 2775
Location: If I ever get back to Oklahoma..... | I'm pregnant with my second (31 weeks), and I turned 35 this October. My OB has never once mentioned the fact I am "too old" to have kids. I had my first in 2011 when I was 32, and again, she never said anything about my age. She did mention when we were discussing options for tube tying at my last appointment that they consider 35 "advanced maternal age," but turned around in the next breath and said, don't let that discourage you. She said she has much older patients than I am.
I feel as though I am much more prepared to take care of a child at this point in my life than I was when I was 20, 25 or even 30. Don't let two stupid doctors let you feel any other way. You are not too old!
There are forums on www.thebump.com and their loss board is very good to read through. I haven't experienced what you have, but you've been on my mind and I can't even imagine what you've been through. |
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Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | I have not had a miscarriage, but I have been trying to get pregnant for 5 months. I know that's not a long time (in the medical world, at least), but there is a certain pain whenever you test and get a "not pregnant". I can sympathize with you. My husband is starting to think there is something wrong with me since it seems like so many women get pregnant at the drop of a hat. I'm 27 years old, so not too far behind you. You are NOT old by any means - especially in the pregnancy world! How dare they talk to you like that. I would be checking with my female friends and finding out who they use and looking elsewhere. |
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Water Weight Barbie
Posts: 6829
Location: Oz, Kansas | Murphy - 2013-12-11 12:31 PM I have not had a miscarriage, but I have been trying to get pregnant for 5 months. I know that's not a long time (in the medical world, at least), but there is a certain pain whenever you test and get a "not pregnant". I can sympathize with you. My husband is starting to think there is something wrong with me since it seems like so many women get pregnant at the drop of a hat. I'm 27 years old, so not too far behind you. You are NOT old by any means - especially in the pregnancy world! How dare they talk to you like that. I would be checking with my female friends and finding out who they use and looking elsewhere.
I was off the pill for 12 months & had made my hubby an appointment to have him checked out to make sure his swimmers were good & luckily for him I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks before his appt. It takes awhile to get that out of your system. My second child was an oops baby. I was content with having 1 child but God had other plans & I got pg with him after 6 years on being on BC from an antibiotic. Talk about a shocker but I wouldn't know what to do without him.
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Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | lookout hill - 2013-12-11 2:40 PM Murphy - 2013-12-11 12:31 PM I have not had a miscarriage, but I have been trying to get pregnant for 5 months. I know that's not a long time (in the medical world, at least), but there is a certain pain whenever you test and get a "not pregnant". I can sympathize with you. My husband is starting to think there is something wrong with me since it seems like so many women get pregnant at the drop of a hat. I'm 27 years old, so not too far behind you. You are NOT old by any means - especially in the pregnancy world! How dare they talk to you like that. I would be checking with my female friends and finding out who they use and looking elsewhere. I was off the pill for 12 months & had made my hubby an appointment to have him checked out to make sure his swimmers were good & luckily for him I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks before his appt. It takes awhile to get that out of your system. My second child was an oops baby. I was content with having 1 child but God had other plans & I got pg with him after 6 years on being on BC from an antibiotic. Talk about a shocker but I wouldn't know what to do without him.
I've been off NuvaRing for 8 months, and off all birth control for over 5 months. My face is so broke out now, that I believe all my lovely BC is out of my body (good for baby making, bad for my face!) I've threatened that if I don't get pregnant soon, that I'm going back on BC. |
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Angel in a Sorrel Coat
Posts: 16030
Location: In a happy place | Three 4 Luck - 2013-12-11 10:44 AM missroselee - 2013-12-11 10:17 AM Saw the new doctor this morning. At least all the doctors around here seem to be on the same page. I got told again I'm too old to be considering this. So I guess that makes the decision easier. That makes me angry for you. You are not too old. Not by any stretch. I was almost 31 when I had my first. I had a miscarriage before him--only about 25% of pregnancies result in live birth, it happens to many of us. I was pregnant again less than 2 months later. I had my 2nd at 34. There are SO MANY women waiting until their 30s to have babies, and doing it successfully, it is absolutely archaic that a doctor would tell you that. I had woman issues too, and going off BC after using it nearly continuously for over a decade was hellish. But it didn't impact my fertility.
Makes me mad too. My mom was 36 when she had my sister and I almost 12 years old, we are the only two she had.
My cousin had her son when she was 36 also.
My daughter was 32 when she had her first baby.
None of this is your fault. I just always like to remember that God is control.
Pooh on the doctor that told you that. |
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May I ask my friends.......Question added page 7 please.