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Member
Posts: 13
| Okay so I have been recently married since October,
and I thought I had it all together organizing time making sure
I am doing my job at work and at home but yesterday I left
work feeling like I have the weight of the world on me because
I am not doing what I need to do both at home and work.
I am looking for some insight into how to manage my time as a newlywed.
I feel like I don't have enough time to spend at work. I am an
Ag teacher so I am after every day untill 4:15 with kids practicing for judging teams and can't work on lesson plans or grading papers,
then I have to rush home to make dinner for the new hubby and make sure
the horses are taken care of and the house is clean....but then am so exhausted
I have zero energy to put into "husband/wife time".
I have tried to ask hubby his suggestions and his idea is "IDK figure it out". But he doesn't
like the idea of me staying at work any more than I do. I am just at a total quandry on how to handle my schedule as an Ag teacher (which requires many more hours than a regular teacher) and a new wife! I am so thankfull we only have 4 legged children!! hahah
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 Own It and Move On
 
Location: The edge of no where | Cowgirlreg - 2013-12-04 10:26 AM Okay so I have been recently married since October, and I thought I had it all together organizing time making sure I am doing my job at work and at home but yesterday I left work feeling like I have the weight of the world on me because I am not doing what I need to do both at home and work. I am looking for some insight into how to manage my time as a newlywed. I feel like I don't have enough time to spend at work. I am an Ag teacher so I am after every day untill 4:15 with kids practicing for judging teams and can't work on lesson plans or grading papers, then I have to rush home to make dinner for the new hubby and make sure the horses are taken care of and the house is clean....but then am so exhausted I have zero energy to put into "husband/wife time". I have tried to ask hubby his suggestions and his idea is "IDK figure it out". But he doesn't like the idea of me staying at work any more than I do. I am just at a total quandry on how to handle my schedule as an Ag teacher (which requires many more hours than a regular teacher) and a new wife! I am so thankfull we only have 4 legged children!! hahah
He can't fix dinner (at least sometimes). Why?
He's a full grown man, not a child. Tell him to pitch in. |
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  Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
 
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | Umm....stop cooking and cleaning....when he asks what's wrong.....tell him you figured it out and dirty laundry was your solution.....if he has a better one, you'd love to hear it :) |
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 Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | MS2011 - 2013-12-04 11:29 AM Cowgirlreg - 2013-12-04 10:26 AM Okay so I have been recently married since October, and I thought I had it all together organizing time making sure I am doing my job at work and at home but yesterday I left work feeling like I have the weight of the world on me because I am not doing what I need to do both at home and work. I am looking for some insight into how to manage my time as a newlywed. I feel like I don't have enough time to spend at work. I am an Ag teacher so I am after every day untill 4:15 with kids practicing for judging teams and can't work on lesson plans or grading papers, then I have to rush home to make dinner for the new hubby and make sure the horses are taken care of and the house is clean....but then am so exhausted I have zero energy to put into "husband/wife time". I have tried to ask hubby his suggestions and his idea is "IDK figure it out". But he doesn't like the idea of me staying at work any more than I do. I am just at a total quandry on how to handle my schedule as an Ag teacher (which requires many more hours than a regular teacher) and a new wife! I am so thankfull we only have 4 legged children!! hahah He can't fix dinner (at least sometimes). Why?
He's a full grown man, not a child. Tell him to pitch in.
I agree. Being a wife does not mean you do everything yourself. Tell him to grow up and help. |
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 Good Grief!
Posts: 6343
Location: Cap'n Joan Rotgut.....alberta | Cowgirlreg - 2013-12-05 9:26 AM Okay so I have been recently married since October, and I thought I had it all together organizing time making sure I am doing my job at work and at home but yesterday I left work feeling like I have the weight of the world on me because I am not doing what I need to do both at home and work. I am looking for some insight into how to manage my time as a newlywed. I feel like I don't have enough time to spend at work. I am an Ag teacher so I am after every day untill 4:15 with kids practicing for judging teams and can't work on lesson plans or grading papers, then I have to rush home to make dinner for the new hubby and make sure the horses are taken care of and the house is clean....but then am so exhausted I have zero energy to put into "husband/wife time". I have tried to ask hubby his suggestions and his idea is "IDK figure it out". But he doesn't like the idea of me staying at work any more than I do. I am just at a total quandry on how to handle my schedule as an Ag teacher (which requires many more hours than a regular teacher) and a new wife! I am so thankfull we only have 4 legged children!! hahah
say what!!!!!!!!
i get the whats for supper every so often and i reply"whatever your making"...lol.........and then i go riding ;)
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 816
| Cowgirlreg - 2013-12-04 10:26 AM Okay so I have been recently married since October, and I thought I had it all together organizing time making sure I am doing my job at work and at home but yesterday I left work feeling like I have the weight of the world on me because I am not doing what I need to do both at home and work. I am looking for some insight into how to manage my time as a newlywed. I feel like I don't have enough time to spend at work. I am an Ag teacher so I am after every day untill 4:15 with kids practicing for judging teams and can't work on lesson plans or grading papers, then I have to rush home to make dinner for the new hubby and make sure the horses are taken care of and the house is clean....but then am so exhausted I have zero energy to put into "husband/wife time". I have tried to ask hubby his suggestions and his idea is "IDK figure it out". But he doesn't like the idea of me staying at work any more than I do. I am just at a total quandry on how to handle my schedule as an Ag teacher (which requires many more hours than a regular teacher) and a new wife! I am so thankfull we only have 4 legged children!! hahah
He can help you do those things! There is one bit of advice that my mother gave me. When she first told me I thought she was just being a bitter women towards men but..... she was right!! lol!
*never start doing something for a man, that you dont plan on doing for the rest of your life!
You start catering to his every need and put your needs to the side it will be like that for years and it will be expected of you! Our house is split, if he beats me home he starts dinner, he helps do chores, he helps pick the house up. I don't expect him to deep clean like I do but he can do dishes, vacuum, dust, etc. the easy stuff! You also have the weekends to worry about the house, it's not going anywhere, it may grow but it'll still be there!
Edited by JRC 2013-12-04 10:37 AM
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 Ima Fickle Fan
Posts: 3547
Location: Texas | You are making the mistake most women do when they get married. You are trying to be the 50s housewife in less than 25 percent of that time.
The reality is that you can't do everything, nor should you...unless you can stay home all day.
I made the same mistake and am still paying for it, but with a 4 year old and another on the way. My hubby is having wake-up calls on a regular basis. If I cook, he cleans it up. We both help fold laundry and pick up the house.
And...... I finally flipped out when he said he doesn't do toilets, that we now have a lady come clean every two weeks.
You can't do it all. This is a marriage, which means TWO people are involved. Don't do all the work. And put an end to the one-woman show before he gets too comfy with it or you have kids. |
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 Baby Blue's
Posts: 7306
Location: Texas | What does he do? |
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 The Rose of Rodeo...
Posts: 2560
Location: Where we still run to look when the siren goes by. | Best advice I have ever heard, and I think it was from someone on here..Don’t do anything now you don’t want to still be doing in 20 years..
He can help with cooking, cleaning and doing laundry, it would be better to start now while things are new and get him in the habit of helping out!
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Member
Posts: 13
| He works for the City and then works at a farm from 4-6 pm (some days)
He says he wants to compromise but seems like the compromise only benifit him,
and its very frustrating.
I am usually a very aggressive put my foot down person, but I am having a hard time doing that. :/ |
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Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | Cowgirlreg - 2013-12-04 11:45 AM He works for the City and then works at a farm from 4-6 pm (some days) He says he wants to compromise but seems like the compromise only benifit him, and its very frustrating. I am usually a very aggressive put my foot down person, but I am having a hard time doing that. :/
Did you know he was like this prior to marriage? New wife, old wife, whatever wife..... it's a team effort. |
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 Chasin my Dream
Posts: 13651
Location: Alberta | bocephus's mama - 2013-12-04 9:41 AM What does he do?
Tell him you NEED help! Its not a one "man" operation....I assume he has horses as well....wears clothes, eats the food, no reason he can't help especially if you both work.....and if he isn't willing to help, well get used to things as they are....wouldn't fly for me!
Edited by dream_chaser 2013-12-04 10:49 AM
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 Bulls Eye
Posts: 6443
Location: Oklahoma | I got married in June. Who ever gets home from work first starts dinner. Everything in our house is a team effort... |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 816
| Just don't do it anymore. me and my husband used to but heads about him picking up his clothes off the floor in our bedroom, so I just left it there. When the week ended all of his clothes were in the bedroom and he had no clean clothes, he had to start wearing dirty clothes! He bit**ed and bit**ed about it but in the end he picked up his clothes and has ever since! Men need the visual, dishes piling up in the sink no clean dishes ( you only wash what your going to use for yourself) they magically remember how to wash them! they don't eat dinner for a few days, they learn to cook! it's an amazing thing! |
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 Strong Willed Woman
Posts: 6577
Location: Prosser, WA | Just wait until you have kids. He will expect you to do everything you are doing now plus take care of your kids. I don't understand the thought process that a woman should act like a full time housewife and work full time. To me it would be a heck of a lot easier to just be single. LOL. |
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 The Bling Princess
Posts: 3411
Location: North Dakota | Its team work at our house:) I'm super lucky because my husband does all the cooking and he helps me out with the housework and laundry too.
We split outdoor chores like mowing, feeding the horses etc.
sharing responsibility is the only way it will work. Its a little "cave man" thinking in my opinion for him to think you should take care of everything at home, chores, work full time, and then be there for "husband/wife" time.
Have you thought of hiring a housekeeper?? I know hubby and I often think we should, especially in the summer months when we want to be outside with the horses. |
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 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| I'm in the same time boat. I have a cleaning lady that also does laundry for about $100 a week. WORTH EVERY PENNY. That time is now not the houses and clothes time and bitter feelings at "having no help", but is our peaceful loving time together. We split the cost.
You have no idea what an amazing relief on our time and attitudes coming home to a sparkling clean house and folded laundry has been.
We also go to the grocery store one night during the week so our weekends are free to be together or be apart for competing, etc. it's our grocery pact. We hate it, but face it together.
Whoever gets home first is responsible for having some form of dinner available. That's usually me, but sometimes he's in the hot seat! I love those nights, it's almost worth not getting home in time to ride.. |
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 Coyote Country Queen
Posts: 5666
| I agree, you didn't marry a child, you married a grown man that is fully capable of helping out. Believe me, things will get way more hectic if you have children! It doesn't matter how long you dated, getting married is life-changing and really does take an adjustment period. You'll just have to figure out how to work together to get everything done. Something that I've learned with my husband is that hinting around doesn't work, if you want them to do something you've got to ask them. For example, tell him specifically that it would really help you out if he could be in charge of taking out the trash, etc. This way he knows exactly what to do, and then it becomes his responsibility (although it will probably take some reminders!). |
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Chasin my Dream
Posts: 13651
Location: Alberta | Jenbabe - 2013-12-04 10:06 AM I agree, you didn't marry a child, you married a grown man that is fully capable of helping out. Believe me, things will get way more hectic if you have children! It doesn't matter how long you dated, getting married is life-changing and really does take an adjustment period. You'll just have to figure out how to work together to get everything done. Something that I've learned with my husband is that hinting around doesn't work, if you want them to do something you've got to ask them. For example, tell him specifically that it would really help you out if he could be in charge of taking out the trash, etc. This way he knows exactly what to do, and then it becomes his responsibility (although it will probably take some reminders!).
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 Expert
Posts: 1432
Location: Never in one place long | I know how you feel... when we first got married I had just started my student teaching and was working the night shift on a farm... it was really stressful! He was in college finishing his degree and working part time in the Air Force... then we moved and he had a job... I was only subbing when needed for the first year and then got a full time job which he really wanted me to do... I told him when I started he wasn't going to be spoiled anymore having the house always cleaned, dinner on the table, lunches packed, errands run etc... he said he was fine with that. I had to get after him a few times but he now does dishes often, takes care of the honey do list and cooks dinner about half the time. We had really learned to work as a team.... I def do more but he works a job and a half, builds all our furniture and is taking 6 credit a semester for his masters so I should be doing more.. my job is way less demanding too. You should just balance things out and help each other out... if he sees a need he should do it and like everyone else said... don't try and be a "stay at home" wife, doing everything AND working a full time job like you are! You'll kill yourself trying! |
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 Namesless in BHW
Posts: 10368
Location: At the race track with Ah Dee Ohs | I'm thinking he is an able bodied man that can cook a meal, do laundry and feed for goodness sakes. Don't take that all on yourself. Tell him to step up and be a man and HELP |
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 Expert
Posts: 1440
Location: Texas | Pretty much what everyone else has already said. Did y'all live together before you were married? It's when you live together that you really learn their bad habits lol. It will be hard but he will adjust if you don't cave in. Best of luck |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1079
| Cowgirlreg - 2013-12-04 10:26 AM Okay so I have been recently married since October, and I thought I had it all together organizing time making sure I am doing my job at work and at home but yesterday I left work feeling like I have the weight of the world on me because I am not doing what I need to do both at home and work. I am looking for some insight into how to manage my time as a newlywed. I feel like I don't have enough time to spend at work. I am an Ag teacher so I am after every day untill 4:15 with kids practicing for judging teams and can't work on lesson plans or grading papers, then I have to rush home to make dinner for the new hubby and make sure the horses are taken care of and the house is clean....but then am so exhausted I have zero energy to put into "husband/wife time". I have tried to ask hubby his suggestions and his idea is "IDK figure it out". But he doesn't like the idea of me staying at work any more than I do. I am just at a total quandry on how to handle my schedule as an Ag teacher (which requires many more hours than a regular teacher) and a new wife! I am so thankfull we only have 4 legged children!! hahah
Just because you got married doesn't mean you are a slave. I mean you still have your own life too. You sound like you want to put your husband's happiness completely and totally above your own sanity, and you can't do that. Pretty soon you will be bitter and angry at him and that can cause bigger problems. He sounds like he thinks he has a second "mom" to take care of him - sit him down and tell him how you feel. Hopefully he will have more to contribute than "IDK figure it out" or you may have a bigger problem. |
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The Rose of Rodeo...
Posts: 2560
Location: Where we still run to look when the siren goes by. | kakbarrelracer - 2013-12-04 9:58 AM Just wait until you have kids. He will expect you to do everything you are doing now plus take care of your kids. I don't understand the thought process that a woman should act like a full time housewife and work full time. To me it would be a heck of a lot easier to just be single. LOL.
The man I have now is the last one.. after him I am sticking to horses..they are easier to train and A LOT smarter!! 
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 Northern Chocolate Queen
Posts: 16576
Location: ND | I made the same mistake you are making.....quit doing everything & trying to be super wife. All you are going to do is wear yourself out & teach him he can be useless in the house. My husband & his dad farm & ranch together. I'm a horse trainer & artist. So we all work from home. During the summer I train full time, from the time the sun comes up until dark I am working horses, help with the cattle as needed, make lunch for the guys when they're farming, help with haying, plus taking care of my garden & can veggies. Winter I take care of my horses, help the guys when needed & do my artwork. Even with being in the house most of the day due to the weather I typically work until 11 at night easily....I used to try to cook 2 meals a day, keep the house spotless, laundry put away & then woke up & realized I was doing it ALL on my own while he sat on the couch after coming in for the day. When it hit me that I was killing myself to do my jobs PLUS be a full time cook & house keeper I quit doing all cleaning & only cook once a day. I'll be the first to admit, my house is almost disgusting right now. But I refuse to clean it. This is my crazy busy season for drawing and I'm not taking time out of me day to clean when someone else is sitting on the internet all day. He wants a clean house he can clean it.....needless to say it looks like the house will remain dirty! Bottom line is you have to teach hubby how you want to be treated. If you keep doing everything he's going to continue to expect it, you're going to wear yourself out & he's going to wonder why you're no fun anymore. Stop it now before you're having to "retrain" like I am!
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 Dancing in my Mind
Posts: 3062
Location: Eastern OH but my heart is in WV | Both my husband and I were raised by stay at home moms. Until I had kids, I ALWAYS said that I wanted to be a working mom. "I CAN DO IT ALL!" Boy was that UNREALASTIC!!! But it took years of beating myself over it and I still do from time to time, especially over the house. However, I have also learned to just let some of it go.
I have had serious talks with my husband about wanting to quite work (or go half time) and take care of the home. He always tells me to get a forsale sign for the farm. So my response when he starts complaining about things not being done is, "You can't have it both ways!" This pretty much ends things anymore because the stress is not worth it.
Many hugs to you because it is going to take some working out with your self and your husband. You just need to keep in mind what is REALLY important the both of you. Being newly married, PLEASE stop putting so much pressure on yourself. Enjoy this new blist with your husband! I promise the rest will work itself's out. 
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 Expert
Posts: 1367
Location: mi | Oh Honey you need to get things figured out now. If you are both working then it's up to BOTH of you to make dinner and keep the house clean. Get him started on some of those chores long before the kids come along. Much easier to train them when they are young and there is only one of them. :) My hubby does his own laundry, snow, lawn, garbage and mostly the toilets. Also cleans up after I make dinner (he can not cook) and is very good at filling and empying the dishwasher. Will scrub a floor if I let it go long enough and picks up after himself better then I do. TRAIN HIM NOW!
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
Location: Somewhere in the middle of nowhere | Rodeo Rose - 2013-12-04 10:21 AM kakbarrelracer - 2013-12-04 9:58 AM Just wait until you have kids. He will expect you to do everything you are doing now plus take care of your kids. I don't understand the thought process that a woman should act like a full time housewife and work full time. To me it would be a heck of a lot easier to just be single. LOL.
The man I have now is the last one.. after him I am sticking to horses..they are easier to train and A LOT smarter!!
You should also add...if things don't work out, its a lot cheaper to get rid of them |
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 Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | I can't really add anything to what has already been suggested.......most of us have been married for many years and you need to heed the advice given. If you don't have a serious "sit-down" and discuss HIS participation in the chores, you will end up resenting him. Good Luck! |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 306
| I understand where you are coming from. My boyfriend had a stay at home mom growing up that did EVERYTHING for him. And then when he got older she was still a stay at home wife with no children so she would go get his laundry and do it for him, clean his house, and cook for him occasionally.
My boyfriend is a hard worker but when it comes to things like cleaning, laundry and cooking its not something he puts effort into.
When we first moved in together I tried to be super girlfriend and take care of everything. It wasn't until one day he said "I don't have any clean underwear, is there laundry somewhere?" When I told him NO he proceeded to get angry at me.
Finally I said "Hey buddy, I am not your mother. I will not be checking on your underwear supply, your an 26 year old adult." He didn't like me insulting him but he got the point. Now I do things but on my schedule, not his. He'll do his laundry if he is short on something.
But to give you a hand anyways I have some ideas.
Crock pot meals......They will be ready when you get home. There is a website with a years worth.
Premade meals.....I premake all my lunches and my boyfriend breakfast sandwiches on Sundays for the entire week. He loves those sannies.
LISTS......I have laminated lists on the fridge of things to be done Daily, Weekly, and Monthly as far as cleaning. A little everyday saves from doing it all at once.
Grocery Lists......I don't know about you but if I don't go to the store with a plan I will A.) spend too much time in there B.) Spend too much money and C.) forget things.
And as far as energy.....make sure you are taking good care of yourself. Good diet and exercise will go a long way in the energy department and amp up the husband/ wife time. ;)
Schedule, Shedule, Schedule. Your life won't seem so hectic.
Fail to plan and you plan to fail. |
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Veteran
Posts: 149
Location: Along the Caney River | Everything that has been posted is RIGHT! The first husband(more like a child) I had did NOTHING at home. I was like you. Tried to work full time (school teacher) and take care of everything at home. Wore myself out, and he did nothing but go to his job, come home and watch tv while I busted my rear. I finally told him if his dirty clothes weren't in the basket they did not get washed. He was raised by a stay at home mom. He did not follow directions... So got rid of him!!!!
Now with number 2 it is a different story, started training him from beginning correctly. He picks up after himself, does laundry, will dust, run vaccum, and load and unload dishwasher even though he doesn't do it quite right I live with it! LOL. He doesn't mop because he says he can't work the shark mop, gave him a lesson right before Thanksgiving so he can add that to his resume! We work as a team. He helps with the inside of the house and I help him with the ranch work. We joke that the only person we can depend on is each other. Now with this all being said he was/is much more mature than the 1st husband.
Maturity plays a big part in team work and how they were raised. If MOMA did everything for them you will have to retrain him. IF that is the case RETRAIN NOW! DO NOT WAIT.
And as another poster said THEY DO NOT TAKE HINTS YOU HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT CLEARLY.
On occassion mine has to be reminded of teamwork, but is usually just takes me saying "I NEED YOUR HELP DOING....."
Good Luck
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 Underestimated Underdog
Posts: 3971
Location: Minnesota | Your situation sounds a lot like mine and my husband's. I will tell you that all these ladies are right. Take their advise. The amount of stress that you will feel if you don't change the situation is something I can't even explain. Men are like horses...if you let them get away with something once, it will take 30, 40, 100 times doing it the right way to fix it. Don't start your marriage off in a way you don't want to keep it. Ive been married a little over a year and I made the same mistakes your making and I'm paying for it dearly now. Please listen to the advise given to you and make some positive changes. I know its hard but you need to be fair to yourself. |
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Pig-Bear Dog Lover
| This is funny.. sorry ..I tell my husband hes a grown man if hes hungry put something in his mouth and eat it. I do cook when I can but most of the time we cook together. Sometimes hell go pick up food togo and the counts as his dinner night. Usually twice a week is his dinner nights. He does his own laundry. I sweep and mop mostly. Not ever single day. Its ok to go a couple days and let the house be a mess... wouldn't stress over it. Its called living. I have no problems telling him to find something to eat if I need to ride. I wouldn't stress over it take the time you need at work. Once your married long enough it becomes routine and you hardly notice. I hate cooking... Unfortunately but its like going to the gym.. its hard to wake up and get in the car to go but once your on the treadmill its easy. Just do what you need to do. I do make time for my husband though. If I notice I've been super busy I will take a day or two out of the week to solely focus on him. If that means staying home from a race to do something with him he likes to do I think its fair. |
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 I Chore in Chucks
Posts: 2882
Location: MD | Does he eat the food, get some clothes dirty, and make messes in the house?
if so... I guess he gets to help and that's that. Otherwise that doesn't make any gosh darn sense. why would you have to work, cook, clean and he just has to work?
While we are only dating and living together, we still have a good system. He cooks, I clean. I sweep, he vacuums. He washes, I fold. etc.... If it isn't a team, It isn't working. (in my house anyway)
We do also do sweet things like I know I cooked, but I'll clean too since you've had a hard day. That way it's not always 50/50. |
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 Veteran
Posts: 224
Location: Southern OK aka God's Country | You can tell this is a HOT topic!! The best advice you got on here is spell it out, don't hint/suggest/hope/pout. A lot of women are passive aggressive and tend to beat around the bush and feel that the man should just "get it." Well, they don't. If he's not one of these wonderful rare breeds of men who take the intiative themselves to help you, then you have to specifically set out tasks that you want him to complete, and will probably have to for the remainder of your marriage. Hinting and hoping are not going to get you anything but extremely ****ed off--been there, done that. I have a friend whose motto is "Ask, Tell, Yell." And by God, it works (not that I yell all the time but when I do, they listen because they know I'm at the end of my rope). Having children will only double/triple your work load, so better to get this sorted out prior to having any. Being a working wife is hard enough. Being a working horsewoman wife is even harder, and being a working horsewoman wife mom is the hardest job in the world! Do yourself a favor now and get things sorted out no matter how uncomfortable it is. And don't expect it to be one and done. This is an ongoing issue in a lot of marriages, so don't feel like you're destined for failure, you just have to realize that marriage is WORK. Every single day. And some days are good, and some days are bad. I always liked the line in Sex & the City where Charlotte said, "I'm not happy all day, but I'm happy every day." I think that's a lot more realistic approach to marriage. |
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Nut Case Expert
Posts: 9305
Location: Tulsa, Ok | I defintely agree about participation of the husband in household chores. Additionally you may need to reset your priorities and maybe even lower some standards. There are times when you may need to opt for sanity over sanitation. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 612
| Everyone is right that your husband needs to help, but you also have to use some psychology and compromise. It is little things like saying thank you when he does help you - even though he doesn't thank you and is doing something that he just should be doing. Also, we usually don't eat until 7:30 or 8:00. I get home at 5:30, go and ride and then cook dinner. I don't spend as much time outside as I used to and sometimes I only ride for 20 or 30 minutes. I have a list of dinners that I can cook in about 30 or 40 minutes. Also, make time (and energy) for the husband/wife thing because that keeps them happy and then they are more likely to help you.
I can't complain because my husband does most of the outside chores and will even have my horse saddled when I get home sometimes. He also will help inside sometimes. We have a 7 year old son so that makes it a little tougher because he has to eat and go to bed at a decent time.
Relationships are hard but as long as both of you are willing to make compromises, you can do it all. I know that I am not as tough as most of the other girls that post, but this is what works for me and my husband. |
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 Road Rash Expert
Posts: 5501
Location: Near San Antonio, TX | I feel a lot like you sometimes. I feel like I have to be the best at work, the best mom, keep horses ridden, the perfect wife, keep the house clean, dinner cooked, etc, etc... My husband helps out a lot, but I LOVE to cook, so I do almost every night. If your husband can help out some to relieve your load, it is incredible help. I do a lot of crock-pot meals. Dinner ready when I get home! I also have recently hired a housekeeper to come in every two weeks to clean the house (today is the day she comes, so I will go home to clean house, yay!!). I just feel my time is better spent doing other things. My husband would love nothing more than for me to be a stay at home wife/mom, but I actually enjoy my job (that may vary depending on which day it is tho!)
The best thing is that teamwork is important. I don't think you said anything about your husband refusing to help, but if you are like me and want to do it all, it is hard! Especially for "wants." Like I want to keep horses ridden and in competitive shape, BUT I have things to do like laundry, feed my family, go to work, etc. I manage. :) |
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 Horsey Gene Carrier
Posts: 1888
Location: LaBelle, Florida | Print out the golden rule and leave it on the Refrigerator.
Happy Wife, Happy Life.
My hubby pulled the leave his boxer on the floor trick for about 3 weeks. Then would asked if I washed them...told him the washer was not gender specific and he was quite capable of turning the machine on. If it don't land in the laundry hamper, it don't get washed by me.
Seriously, you need to have a sit down with your hubby and tell him you need help and explain to him exactly what you need him to do. Draw pictures, leave lists, etc. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 816
| nmeastplains - 2013-12-04 11:39 AM Rodeo Rose - 2013-12-04 10:21 AM kakbarrelracer - 2013-12-04 9:58 AM Just wait until you have kids. He will expect you to do everything you are doing now plus take care of your kids. I don't understand the thought process that a woman should act like a full time housewife and work full time. To me it would be a heck of a lot easier to just be single. LOL.
The man I have now is the last one.. after him I am sticking to horses..they are easier to train and A LOT smarter!!
and you can might make back some of the money you've put in! |
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 IMA No Hair Style Gal
Posts: 2594
| Marriage!!! The one thing that can make you feel:                    
ALL AT ONCE!!!
As others have said:
It takes two!!! There are things I refuse to do-because HE can do them.
I don't clean his horses stall, I don't fold his laundry. I wash it, then shove it into baskets for him to fold...
And if he gets really bad about leaving his crap out I have a basket that I put all his crap in and then I hide the basket in the spare bedroom so I don't have to look at it.
One time...I threw all his laundry in the front yard...
...that made him REALLY mad, but after that he stopped leaving it everywhere.
When I married him I didn't become his momma too...and I tell him that. He will go through phases where he will be extra helpful....or extra not helpful. When he is not helpful I don't pick up after him. If I can pick up after myself-he can pick up after himself...and the rest we meet in the middle and work on together.
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| Newly weds should not be concerned about cooking dinner or cleaning house .... too much newly wed fun to have from 6-10pm ..... somewhere around 10pm figure out what you can nuke from the freezer ... then snuggle up ... wake up next morning and go to work ... lol ..
Edited by BARRELHORSE USA 2013-12-04 11:57 PM
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 Chicken Chick
Posts: 3562
Location: Texas | Get a job working 7 days a week... leaving for work before he does and get home at around 9. Oh and throw in an 8 year old boy with homework, school events, sports (practices and games) and tell him good luck being Mr. Mom. Oh and don't forget to take care of the chickens, ducks, rabbit, dogs, cats, and horses.
My husband and son begged me to quit my job. After I got pregnant and couldn't do my job anymore I did. They both appreciate what I do around here a little more lol. My son will come home from school and after his chores are done he will do something random like empty the dishwasher, clean under the couches, clean up the spare bedroom, or vacuume... Or something else he thinks needs to be done at the time. Hubby does the same thing. If it looks like I am struggling to keep up one or both of them get up and help me out.
I tried being super mom/wife... I ended up being super tired, super stressed, and super resentful instead. It really isn't worth it. Ask for help, I wish I had asked for help a long time ago. For the women that do manage to get it all done by themselves... kudos to them, I personally can't do it all around here. |
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Member
Posts: 13
| Your posts have been really helpful!
He actually offered to cook dinner tonight!
I am so thankfull that there is a light at the end of the tunnel!
His mom tells me that every one says his dad is the "PERFECT HUSBAND"
and she says "THANK YOU, that was 30 years of hard training"! lol
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 Hot Dispatcher
Posts: 10185
Location: Utah | Cowgirlreg - 2013-12-05 9:53 AM Your posts have been really helpful! He actually offered to cook dinner tonight! I am so thankfull that there is a light at the end of the tunnel! His mom tells me that every one says his dad is the "PERFECT HUSBAND" and she says "THANK YOU, that was 30 years of hard training"! lol
You have been given some really good advise here. Over time my husband and I have worked out helping each other out. One thing I do to help him that helps me is I make a menu plan and have a list on the fridge door of all the meals we have everything for. Whoever is home first is responsible for dinner. I went on strike for a time like many of the others on this thread. I can eat cold cereal everynight but he got tired of it fast and comprimised to help out. |
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Managing time as a new wife....