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Miss Southern Sunshine
Posts: 7427
   
Location: South Central Florida | We were at a show one day, a friend had to leave and her daughter was placing. She asked if I would get the money for her daughter if she won anything. They had to leave. The money was $100 Cash. Next. . .
We purchased a special order bit for one of our horses...it did not work at all. Used it about 2 or 3 times. I paid about $120 for the bit. I don't sell bits...I'm a secret bitaholic and I keep them all. Within the month of the purchase another girl asked if she could try the bit before she ordered one because they were expensive. Within 2 months, she sold the horse and asked if another friend could borrow the bit. I spoke to the "other girl" who happened to be the girl I had gotten the money for. She said she would let me know if she wanted to keep it.
She called and said she wanted the bit. I said okay. She has a business making vinyal signs and I told her I needed a couple of signs. She priced them at $40 each so I said I wanted them in trade for the bit. She said fine and to get with her.
I kept the cash in a pocket of my truck for 8 or 10 months. Never saw them, and did not want to mail cash. She said no problem, we'll see you somewhere. The truck was in an accident and totaled. I emptied the truck and put everything in a box that is still in my garage.
I honestly just forgot about it all, because I could never get in touch with her and she could not get me...I thought of this person as a good friend, someone you might not see in a long time, but could count on.
That was all over 2 years ago.
Today she contacted me and wanted me to send the daughter the money but subtract the price of the bit. I told her sure, the bit was $80 and I would send her a check for the balance.
She wrote me and said the bit was only $20. First I was shocked because I've never been lucky enough to buy a bit for $20. It was literally less than 3 months old and had a headstall with it. Just nylon but still. . .
She said oh well, I gave the bit away. I didn't think it was worth that much. I wasn't even sure what to say. I was hurt and insulted. She said I would never have given away an $80 bit. I wanted say, well you did.
After praying, I wrote and told her I would send the money to her daughter. I honestly believe that's the right thing to do. The 13 year old did not have anything to do with this. I think I'm just hurt she would question my integrety. When I told her it was not $20, but I paid over $100, she said it was "well used" when she got it.
I can't say why this has upset me the way it has. Yes I'm a bit freek, that's not it. I HATE picking up money for other people in the first place. I feel super responsible and it always falls on me to "get it to them". No one ever shows up and says Hey thanks, I'm here!!! I think I'm insulted, hurt and mad at myself.
I don't have $100 right now. I really don't. My husband is still on Workmans Comp, and that's not looking good. It's Christmas and I just dont' have it. I told her I would send it in January and plan to be done with it.
She keeps telling me "it's okay, it's really okay". I told her everything I'm writing here. I'm just venting I guess.
I did tell her it may be okay with you, but it is really not okay with me. I'm hurt and insulted. Ugh...
Is it unreasonable to ask her to see about getting the bit back? We both know the person she said she gave it to. I even have the receipt but now it's over 2 years old.
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 Expert
Posts: 1304
| In my opinion, I don't think it's wrong to ask her to ask because the worst both could say is no..but that's just me! I don't have the best advice, but I'm sorry your feelings are hurt. Prayin for ya  |
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| I think the problem is you made the deal with the daughter and she's just 13, right? I wouldn't be insulted because of the amount of time that has gone by and memories fade in that amount of time. If she's says it's alright for you to send the money when you can, accept that. In the future, just make it policy not to pick up money for others and explain you had a bad experience. Things like this happen and they're not worth getting too upset over....live and learn. I'd just let it go at that and not ask for the bit...why make it more complicated and involve someone else thus creating more hard feelings.
Edited by runs4fun 2013-12-17 6:36 PM
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 Voice of Reason
Location: NOT at Wal Mart | 3 or 4 months to get a 13 yo girl her money? Sorry but I would have mailed it priority mail with tracking and called it a day. Now its a big mess with you looking like you dont want to give her the money. JMHO.
Give her her $100.00 and get the bit back. Deal done. Good luck.
Edited by justcruzin 2013-12-17 6:41 PM
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 Maybe Someday
Posts: 4551
| I'm not sure I understand everything, did you get the 2 signs for the bit ?
if not, I'd tell her you'd pay her money when you got the bit back
she"d be responsible to go get the bit and get it to you
then I'd be done with her as far as getting money picked up or other such stuff
But after 2 years, really seems strange to me, maybe she's hurting for money
but after 2 years to bring it up seems more then a little weird,,,
but your like me, you wear your heart on your sleeve and your emotions on your face
I'd been so mad I'd probably told her WTH and went from there,,, but thats me
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Miss Southern Sunshine
Posts: 7427
Location: South Central Florida | runs4fun - 2013-12-17 7:35 PM I think the problem is you made the deal with the daughter and she's just 13, right? I wouldn't be insulted because of the amount of time that has gone by and memories fade in that amount of time. If she's says it's alright for you to send the money when you can, accept that. In the future, just make it policy not to pick up money for others and explain you had a bad experience. Things like this happen and they're not worth getting too upset over....live and learn. I'd just let it go at that and not ask for the bit...why make it more complicated and involve someone else thus creating more hard feelings. No I made the deal ... both deals wtih the Mom, but wise words.
Edited by Swannranch 2013-12-17 6:46 PM
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Miss Southern Sunshine
Posts: 7427
Location: South Central Florida | justcruzin - 2013-12-17 7:39 PM 3 or 4 months to get a 13 yo girl her money? Sorry but I would have mailed it priority mail with tracking and called it a day. Now its a big mess with you looking like you dont want to give her the money. JMHO.
Give her her $100.00 and get the bit back. Deal done. Good luck.
Even worse, the girl was 11 then. I just never thought I would not see her anywhere. Figured I would see them at a show, but they were never at one we were at. I really thought she would come get it. When the accident happened, and so much time passed I just forgot. She is the one that told me don't worry, we'll see you somewhere.
I just don't co-mingle money... her's in my account and mailing cash just seemed dangerous.
I should have done what you said, had it insured or something like that, but did not think of it. |
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  Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | so you get 100 for them .. put it in box in garage..
meanwhile you let her borrow a bit to see if she likes it. nevr heard anything again from her.. so she basically kept bit instead of paying for it. for 2 yrs.. Id send her the 20 bucks if bit was 80..no explanation needed.. they know the story the agreement..
I do think 2 yrs to get her her money is odd. Id have sent a MO .. to her within a month.. period.. so both are in the wrong.. but they still owe you for bit..
Edited by Bibliafarm 2013-12-17 6:52 PM
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Miss Southern Sunshine
Posts: 7427
Location: South Central Florida | Tennbarrelracer - 2013-12-17 7:39 PM I'm not sure I understand everything, did you get the 2 signs for the bit ?
if not, I'd tell her you'd pay her money when you got the bit back
she"d be responsible to go get the bit and get it to you
then I'd be done with her as far as getting money picked up or other such stuff
But after 2 years, really seems strange to me, maybe she's hurting for money
but after 2 years to bring it up seems more then a little weird,,,
but your like me, you wear your heart on your sleeve and your emotions on your face
I'd been so mad I'd probably told her WTH and went from there,,, but thats me
No, I never got the signs. I called, missed her, she called back missed me...nothing like anyone refussed...just kind of forgot and I think she did too.
I know I'll never pick up money for anyone again. Not to be rude, just stuff like this makes me actually sick at my stomach. I should have just said no... Even at the time I was worried about doing it but we saw them a lot. Not sure why we stopped going to the same shows, but we did.
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| Swannranch - 2013-12-17 7:45 PM runs4fun - 2013-12-17 7:35 PM I think the problem is you made the deal with the daughter and she's just 13, right? I wouldn't be insulted because of the amount of time that has gone by and memories fade in that amount of time. If she's says it's alright for you to send the money when you can, accept that. In the future, just make it policy not to pick up money for others and explain you had a bad experience. Things like this happen and they're not worth getting too upset over....live and learn. I'd just let it go at that and not ask for the bit...why make it more complicated and involve someone else thus creating more hard feelings. No I made the deal ... both deals wtih the Mom, but wise words.
Sorry, I read too fast and misunderstood. I know things like this are upsetting. I hope it gets straightened out so you can feel better about it. But defintely a lesson learned, I'm sure. When I've picked up cash for people in the past, I've kept the cash and sent them a personal check in the mail just so there'd not be any questions or misunderstandings. But all, in all, I'd just as soon not pick it up at all. |
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 Ms. Manners
Posts: 1820
Location: Oklahoma | Not to be mean, but it is not very difficult to get a $100 money order or bank check to send priority mail to someone. After two years, I'm thinking I would call it a wash on both ends - you never gave the daughter her winnings, and they gave away the bit. I understand you are not in a good financial position right now, but after two years on both sides . . .
As for being insulted, I'm not sure I see why. They may truly have not known the value of the bit, especially if they did not speak with you. If you feel compelled to send the money, then do it - but don't be a martyr about it.
Hope this doesn't sound mean, but it just seems to me like after two years it would be done and forgiven. |
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 Love Me Some Robert Redford
Posts: 2335
Location: WV | If you never got your signs and she gave the bit away then I would agree to just send her the $20. If that is the difference of the bit price and the $100 she won. With it being so long ago though it just seems weird and would have put in the past as done and finished. Good Luck 
Edited by mam0329 2013-12-17 7:08 PM
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Miss Southern Sunshine
Posts: 7427
Location: South Central Florida | I'm going to send the money. I really don't even mind that. I should have done that. I just forgot about it. I'm not even upset about her asking for the money now. I have looked in the garage, and I know the box is there (not 100% sure the money is there or if it went to the scrap yard with the truck) but I can't get to it right now.
I think I'm insulted because of her attitude about the bit. And the whole think coming out like my end was worthless.
I have picked up money for people before...always get it to them as quickly as possible, and usually it's the next week or two. We saw them a couple times a month and as I said it wasn't something I did on purpose...just didn't think about it again.
They were seperate issues and I never considered blending them until she wrote and said to deduct the price of the bit. I said sure, I'll mail it tomorrow.
I do feel bad about the money for the child. As I said, we just never saw them and I didn't really think about it again. No question about that. I remember calling to see if they would be at a show, and they were not, then checking in again, and they were going somewhere else. Just always don't worry, we'll get it later. Kind of the same with the bit.
I guess it's like the bit was worth a lot of money when she thought she needed it. But now it's not worth anything. I guess because money is tight for us right now, I'm being too sensative. Plus I feel bad about everything right now.
I'm going to just mail the check and forget the rest. If I find the money great, if not...oh well. I'll just write the bit off as a lesson learned and move on.
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 IMA No Hair Style Gal
Posts: 2594
| So essentially you forgot you had the money and are not even sure if you have the money as a result of the wreck because it took them so long to contact you.
You loaned them a $120 bit that they gave away.
Money is tight-and you don't want to risk giving $100 of your money away in the event that you cannot find their cash that you forgot about that the girl won-and you don't have your $120 bit.
Here is my advice:
You all are both out something that is just about worth the same.
How about both sides cut losses-and move forward from here on out. These are material possessions....don't let them ruin a friendship.
BUT if that is not an option then....
I would say: "Return the bit to me, and I will send the money." |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 695
Location: Missouri | Well, she was only asked to pick up the money. It was not your job to hunt them down to deliver, if mom wanted to get the money she should have contacted you and come and picked it up! Why should you have to go to store get money order and then mail. Next time they can stay and pick up or give address to show secretary to mail. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 836
Location: Southern Pennsylvania | another has been - 2013-12-17 9:18 PM
Well, she was only asked to pick up the money. It was not your job to hunt them down to deliver, if mom wanted to get the money she should have contacted you and come and picked it up! Why should you have to go to store get money order and then mail. Next time they can stay and pick up or give address to show secretary to mail.
This is what I thought after reading everything. I think my feelings would be hurt too if I lost $20 in the deal and they wanted me to pay an additional $100. Especially one week before Christmas.
Edited by SunnyGotMeGood 2013-12-17 8:45 PM
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 Champ
Posts: 19623
Location: Peg-Leg Julia Grimm | magic gunsmoke - 2013-12-17 6:06 PM So essentially you forgot you had the money and are not even sure if you have the money as a result of the wreck because it took them so long to contact you.
You loaned them a $120 bit that they gave away.
Money is tight-and you don't want to risk giving $100 of your money away in the event that you cannot find their cash that you forgot about that the girl won-and you don't have your $120 bit.
Here is my advice:
You all are both out something that is just about worth the same.
How about both sides cut losses-and move forward from here on out. These are material possessions....don't let them ruin a friendship.
BUT if that is not an option then....
I would say: "Return the bit to me, and I will send the money."
 ^^^^^^^This |
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 Hero of the Year
Posts: 10767
Location: Haslet, Texas | OregonBR - 2013-12-17 8:56 PM magic gunsmoke - 2013-12-17 6:06 PM So essentially you forgot you had the money and are not even sure if you have the money as a result of the wreck because it took them so long to contact you.
You loaned them a $120 bit that they gave away.
Money is tight-and you don't want to risk giving $100 of your money away in the event that you cannot find their cash that you forgot about that the girl won-and you don't have your $120 bit.
Here is my advice:
You all are both out something that is just about worth the same.
How about both sides cut losses-and move forward from here on out. These are material possessions....don't let them ruin a friendship.
BUT if that is not an option then....
I would say: "Return the bit to me, and I will send the money." ^^^^^^^This
Me to....
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Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | another has been - 2013-12-17 9:18 PM Well, she was only asked to pick up the money. It was not your job to hunt them down to deliver, if mom wanted to get the money she should have contacted you and come and picked it up! Why should you have to go to store get money order and then mail. Next time they can stay and pick up or give address to show secretary to mail.
good point.. |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | I didn't read all the what the others asked are said, but I was wondering did they pay you any money at all for the bit? |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1062
Location: Probably On the Road to the Next Barrel Race! | Bibliafarm - 2013-12-17 6:50 PM
so you get 100 for them .. put it in box in garage..
meanwhile you let her borrow a bit to see if she likes it. nevr heard anything again from her.. so she basically kept bit instead of paying for it. for 2 yrs.. Id send her the 20 bucks if bit was 80..no explanation needed.. they know the story the agreement..
I do think 2 yrs to get her her money is odd. Id have sent a MO .. to her within a month.. period.. so both are in the wrong.. but they still owe you for bit..
Yup, what Biblia said...and don't feel bad, it's Christmas!! |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 902
Location: Qld Australia | Sorry Swannranch that you are going through this. As someone else said - it was not your responsibility to chase them down if they did not want you to post it.
As for the bit, all I can say is HOW RUDE. Just because she did not know the value does not mean she can just give away a bit SHE HAS NOT PAID FOR.
I am sorry, it was all a long time ago but I would not be sending all the money. As you said, money is tight, and it is CHRISTMAS. How can she expect you to suddenly have $100 to post her NOW that is suits her?
Hugs to you, I would be feeling the same. I also might just post the money because I would be ssssooooo angry but that person would be OFF my friend list and heaven help them if that ever wanted me to do anything for them again. |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Well if they didn't pay you for the bit , I would just say that we're even on the money then. Thats not right that they sold your bit to someone else. |
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Meanest Teacher!!!
Posts: 8555
Location: sunny california | Maybe you should just give the $100 bill away and say sorry I didn't know how much it was worth..thought is was worth maybe about $20 by now....the economy ya know; besides it was used
I will take it! |
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Miss Southern Sunshine
Posts: 7427
Location: South Central Florida | magic gunsmoke - 2013-12-17 9:06 PM
So essentially you forgot you had the money and are not even sure if you have the money as a result of the wreck because it took them so long to contact you.
You loaned them a $120 bit that they gave away.
Money is tight-and you don't want to risk giving $100 of your money away in the event that you cannot find their cash that you forgot about that the girl won-and you don't have your $120 bit.
Here is my advice:
You all are both out something that is just about worth the same.
How about both sides cut losses-and move forward from here on out. These are material possessions....don't let them ruin a friendship.
BUT if that is not an option then....
I would say: "Return the bit to me, and I will send the money."
Thanks for the input. I guess that's how I feel if I get down to the root. We just both had kind of a wash.
When the truck wrecked, truthfully her money was the last think on my mind. The fact that my daughter did not die, and the truck and trailer were totaled were much more important. I had several people help me clean out the truck which was pretty mangled. Glass everywhere and twisted metal, had to crawl in and get everything I could get. I'm thinking I got it, but I can't swear. I honestly know that was in July. Pretty much we both forgot/trusted the other one would be okay.
Really...if my situation were switched, I would have give my 11 year old the cash myself if it were something she needed to buy etc. . .
I think when people say "it's really okay" when they didn't lose anything, but just tried to screw you out of something, it's insulting.
I mailed the check today. I truly believe my integrety is worth more than the bit or the $100. And it sounds silly but I would rather know I did the right thing (even if I know I got screwed). I know I won't do it again.
Thanks everyone for the input...I have been second guessing myself on everything for months now...it's that or cry, or bight someone's head off, then second guess that ... then cry . . . UGH
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 902
Location: Qld Australia | I totally understand as I said in my first post. In response to yours - do it!!! Cry, bite off someone's head, cry a bit more and then say, 'I'm done. They obviously do not value my friendship like I valued theirs so I will waste no more energy making myself feel negative for them. I will just keep this info in the back of my head for future reference.'
If it helps, you can bite my head off. I'll take one for the team for you!!
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 989
| That really sucks. I would ask to see if they could get the bit back, but not make a big deal of it.. or maybe a bit of cash for it... On the other hand... that chq you sent.. I would stick it in the daughters name, not the moms, then at least the kid is more than likely to get it. |
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Queen Bean of Ponyland
Posts: 24954
Location: WYOMING | Give the little girl her money.
decide if a bit is worth a friendship. If it is then demand payment if it Isnt then get over it...its a bit.
so what we have learned here is...
dont pick up winnings and never eve loan bits out, bam, life just got easier! |
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 Certified Snake Wrangler
Posts: 1672
Location: North MS | There is no way I would "eat" an $80 loss. They shouldn't have given away property that was not theirs to give. That would then make it "stolen". As a result I would only send $20. Not a penny more. They abused your trust and now are making you feel bad over what they have done.
#1 Asked you to pick up money for them (favor to them)
#2 Borrowed bit from friend who had your bit (favor to them)
#3 Never sought you out to pick up the money you picked up for them (you are not a safety deposit box).
#4 Gave away your private property (Stole)
#5 Expect full payment of money you held for 2 years- (You aren't a bank once again)
Subtract Stolen property from money held= $20. It would be the Mothers duty to make HER mistake right with her daughter.
Good luck in your situation |
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 Member
Posts: 33
Location: Florida | Totally agree. Seeing that she is not going to be really able to return the bit since she gave it away, I'd consider it a loss on both ends. It was their responsibility to come get the money from you (2 years ago...lol). It's $100. If that makes your friendship with them come to an end, then it was never really a friendship to begin. You live and you learn. Sad that you can't help people out anymore without paying for it yourself. |
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 Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | Ok. I read this and have a question lol...Why did she wait 2 years to call and ask for the cash? It seems you've had conversations with her at least and (today 12/17/13) she contacted you for the cash.....after she's used your bit and "given" it away......and 2 years later.......doesn't seem that she was very worried about the cash........idk what I'd do......it's not really worth all the mess and if $100 shut them up, I'd probably just give it to them OR, if I was feeling frisky, I would just say, "I gave that $100 away too." |
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Feelings hurt today, Am I super wrong?