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Veteran
Posts: 159
 
Location: Central TX | my brother has a 18 and a half year old daughter who has been dating a guy (he's 19?) for 2 and a half years. they are both very committed and rodeo and haul together. they are saving themselves for marriage and yesterday he proposed and long story short she said yes. I think this is great but a lot of my family thinks its way too young. What are your thoughts on young marriage? very curious to here all sides.
Edited by brrlrcrtx44 2013-12-17 10:58 PM
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
 
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | I was 20 when I got married and that was 33 years ago. Just because he proposed and she said yes does not mean they are getting married anytime soon does it?  |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 733
| I am 25 never been married or engaged been in a few 2 year + relationships. I will say that looking back on my long term relationships that didn't work, by the time the 1st year was over I knew I didn't want to marry them. I think if they have lasted this long and love each other then its awesome. Wish I had a love story that cool, you don't see that very often anymore!
Edited by Rope-N-Run 2013-12-17 11:15 PM
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 503
| I'm 19 and my now fiancé (as of three weeks ago) is 22. We've been dating for over three years and have known each other for seven. We are also both into horses and committed. While I do think we are young, I also think we both have a level of maturity that isn't seen a whole lot these days. It also depends on how soon they plan on getting married - we don't plan to for a few years and if it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out - though I don't forsee this happening. I've gotten quite a bit of flack and have heard a couple comments on how I'm ruining my life but it's just water off the duck's back - they have no right to comment on my life.
So all in all I see nothing wrong with getting married young - if they're not immature about it and seem to be doing well I think it's totally fine. Congrats to them!
Edited by LuckyNGG'sGirl 2013-12-17 11:19 PM
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 Chicken Chick
Posts: 3562
Location: Texas | I got married the first time for all the wrong reasons (long story). Basically my family was the opposite and pushed us to get married. I thought at the time I wanted to marry him so I didn't really put up a fight, but I think given the chance and allowed to take the time I wanted I would have decided before hand that I really didn't love him like I thought. We hadn't even dated a year before we were married. If any of that makes sense lol.
I was 20 when I remarried and no one forced my hand on that one. We are creeping up on our 6th anniversary and expecting a baby, I love him more and more every day and I don't see our marriage going anywhere. If it does fail for whatever reason, I give up lol I'm going to marry for money. kidding |
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 Expert
Posts: 2258
| I got married at 19 been married 20 years now. We didn't date long either met in June married in Oct, he was leaving to train horses in Texas and wanted me to go. |
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Location: Exactly where I am supposed to be | cutnrunqhmt - 2013-12-18 12:02 AM
I got married at 19 been married 20 years now. We didn't date long either met in June married in Oct, he was leaving to train horses in Texas and wanted me to go.
 I love that |
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 Chatty Kathy
Posts: 6635
Location: In Ky following Barrel Races & Walker hounds. | I met my husband for the first time when we were 15/16 yrs old. I talked to him about 20 minutes and I did not like him. I told him he was a jerk lol.
We didn't see each other again until july 2011, I was 19, he was 20. We got engaged December 3rd 2011, married September 29, 2012(5days after my 21st birthday).
We celebrated our first wedding anniversary last September and we are still going strong.
When you have THE ONE, and you both try, it will work. My dad was NOT happy when we got engaged, felt we were too young, but we knew what we have together is strong enough to make it work. He's my best friend.
As someone else said, just because they got engaged doesn't mean they're getting married next week. Yes they're young, but if they both put their hearts into it they will be just fine.  |
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 Money Eating Baggage Owner
Posts: 9586
Location: Phoenix | Hard to say......they aren't even out of high school...havent gone to college....
my two prior relationships were both 2 years long....I'm SO glad I started thinking about what made me happy. I could have married the last one--he was great--but our goals were entirely different. My man now--we're both on the same page!! |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| I generally think it is better to be on your own, experience the responsibilities of being on your own before getting married but you never know. You definitely can not hold everyone to the same standard. Some are more mature, some really are in a life long love. I was 25 when I met my husband and we both knew on our first date. We married 5 months after meeting, just celebrated 25 years and have never had a hard time or felt like it was work. |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | Here is how I look at it when it comes to relationships:
When you know, you know......the right one hypothetically speaking. Age shouldn't matter, especially if they have their "stuff" together and know exactly what they want in life.
You need to be her support system
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | I've seen it work out. My folks were married at 20 and 23. They have been married for 35 years
However, most people I know that married young are pretty unhappy. I was engaged at 19.... I am real glad that didn't work out. LOL |
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 Expert
Posts: 2097
Location: Deep South | I was 20 when my bf of almost 2 years proposed last April, we will be married next fall after I graduate this coming spring. That was really my parents' only concern about us being so young, they really pushed for me to finish school first.
I think its only because my mom was married, then shortly after pregnant with me, while working full time, and still trying to finish up school. She has mentioned more than once that it was one of the hardest times of her life. I think she just doesn't want me to be as stressed and have so much on my plate.
It's really not that uncommon where I'm from though. Most of my closest friends who are my same age, are already married. There's one or two couples, that while we all wish them best, know that they shouldn't have married, or at least waited until they were mature enough to handle it. But there are others, who I have no doubt were more than ready for marriage.
I would definitely suggest pre-marriage counseling to them, if they aren't considering it already. I would say that the couples who are having the most problems now, just were not on the same page as far as the key fundamental issues. Like finances, children, religion. Big things they should have discussed before saying I do.
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Nut Case Expert
Posts: 9305
Location: Tulsa, Ok | My husband and I were both 19 when we married 45.5 years ago. We started dating at 16. I can truly say that all the years have been happy ones. Over the years the tuff times and challenges of life have brought us closer together. If the maturity and committment are there it can work. |
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 Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | My husband and I met when I was 17, he was 24. We got engaged when I was 19, married when I was 24. We've been together 10 years this April.
I don't see anything wrong with a long engagement.... and I think a lot of people need that. |
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Cat Collector
Posts: 1430
| either it works or it doesnt.. not much anyone can do to prevent what will happen. But congrats to them! |
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 Underestimated Underdog
Posts: 3971
Location: Minnesota | My husband and I met when I was 18 and he was 23. We started dating a year later and were engaged when I was 21 and married when I was 22. We've been married a little over a year and all though weve been together for 4 years were finding out different things about each other all the time. I think one of the hardest things is as you get older you change; maybe your point of view on things or how you do something or what your goals are. If you told me 4 years ago that in 4 years I would be married and settled down I would of called you crazy. Its a big commitment and at the end of the day its their choice. All anyone can do is offer an opinion if they ask and give words of encouragment. |
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 Veteran
Posts: 224
Location: La Belle, Mo | I was married at 16 going on 17 and we celebrated our 37th yr together this yr. He is TOTALLY opposite of me but love him to death, have there been up and downs yes there have but we stuck with it and worked it out! If they are mature in their outlook, and it sounds like they are then I think they should go for it!
Edited by horsecrazy45 2013-12-18 10:44 AM
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 340
| Personally, I Think There Is Big Difference In Someone Getting Married At 19 30 Years ago And Someone Getting Married At 19 Today.
I'm 21 And I've Been In TwoLong Term Relationships. The First Was 2 Years. I Was POSITIVE We Were Going To Get Married And Spend Our Lives Together. Then We Broke Up. Second Relationship Was 3 Years.Again, I WasPOSITIVE he Was My Soul Mate And We'd Love Long Happy Lives Together I Had The Ring Picked out. Then We Broke Up.
I'm YOUNG. I Don't Have My Life In Order And I'm No Where Near ready To Be Married. I Seen ThatNow.
Like Someone Else Said It Will Work Out Or It Won't. Best Of Luck To Em. |
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 Expert
Posts: 2276
Location: ohio-in my own little world with pretty ponies :) | Be supportive. If they are able to be together that long and rodeo together and everything then I'm sure they will be fine. To me, age doesn't matter. Not like they've been together 2 months, ya know?
I just turned 20 and my boyfriend is about to turn 21. We've been together 5 and a half years! I wish he would pop the question :) ;) |
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 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| I got engaged when I was 18 and nearly got married. Thank goodness we moved in together before we did the deed! We broke it off not much longer later. I got married to a real man this summer, I'm 29, after dating and living with a few whoppers.
My thoughts on marriage is that you better wait until you are the person you want to be, with your life goals clearly before you and at least started. I also feel that you better live with that man for at least a year and give the 'playing house' thing time to wear off. Because when it does, and you find out you're with a complete idiot with no ambition, well, that's a huge waste of a sacred marriage.
Marriage should be taken seriously, not with the attitude of, "I can always get a divorce."
If the persons getting hitched can't pull their responsibilities equally, whether financial, physical, emotional, habitat duties, etc to the satisfaction of the other person, the marriage is doomed in today's society.
I don't know many 18 ye olds that can think their way out of a paper bag (not being ugly, I was the smartest stupid 18 yr old you've ever known), much less know how to satisfy a husband and know how to work as a partner in a strong union.
Life is hard, and expensive, and very taxing, and everyone deserves a partner that will truly pull their own weight, male or female. Sometimes breaking up and divorcing is unavoidable, but I truly wish people wouldn't get married if it's inevitable. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1295
Location: Chehalis, Washington | My husband and I have been married sense we were both 18. We dated 2 months ish before marriage. Knew each other a year before dating. We are both 27 now and have stayed married. Has it been easy? NO, lol But what marriage is? If there happy and its what they want and they have lasted this long, heck its up to them. My family was fully against me getting married so young. But it was my choice and Im happy with my choice still. |
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 Always Off Topic
Posts: 6382
Location: ND | age is irrelevant.... |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 788
| I really think age doesn't matter. More than anything talking about what they want in life is way more important. Especially rodeoing they really need to talk about their goals and what they plan to do. Also we talked about simple things that we would do after we got married like how we would split the chores since there arent many house wives anymore and it helped prevent alot of nit picky fights. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 902
Location: Qld Australia | As someone else said, just because they are engaged does not mean they are getting married next week. You mention that they rodeo together and are saving themselves for marriage. That shows a lot of commitment right there. They have taken this path together despite many peer pressure issues I am sure.
If they turn around and say that they are getting married in 2 months, then I would encourage them to wait. Give the whole engagement time to settle and not be a mad rush of engagement, marriage, new house and possibly even baby in an extremely short period of time. This I believe would put massive amounts of pressure on both these young people.
Congratulations to them both, I wish them a long, wonderful life together. |
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 Thread Killer
Posts: 7545
| I don't think it matters too much.
One of my childhood friends got married at 19 or 20, had a daughter right away, and is doing very well. ;) |
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 Purveyor of unconventional wisdom
Posts: 17112
Location: CA | They are both adults and in love. It will play out how it plays out. I met my ex at 30, married at 32, stayed married for 21 years and it still didn't work out. I do wish them the best how ever it goes. :) |
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| The more I listen to people talk about their relationships the more I realize it has little to do with age, social status, education, etc. than it does the unrelenting desire to make things work. Everyone has fights and disagreements. Everyone gets hurt and does/says things that hurt others. But at the end of the day it's the people that are committed to make it work that have the really healthy, long relationships. They are the one's that are willing to let go of their ego and say I'm sorry, to do what it takes to make necessary changes, and to not just give up when things get difficult. If they are the type that can do that then they will be just fine.
Edited by AnotherRound 2013-12-18 9:07 PM
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Veteran
Posts: 165
| I think if they were raised with family values by parents who have stuck together through thick and thin, they might be okay. The thing with 18 year olds is that you really can't talk them out of anything they decide to do. They want to be grown up and make their own decisions and all you can do is support them and hope they don't fall on their faces. While it is commendable that they are saving themselves, I think it's also helpful to live together, whether in the same bed or not and work out the kinks of everyday life, chores, bill paying, goal setting... before making the commitment of marriage. |
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your thoughts?