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Elite Veteran
Posts: 963
  
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas. | Ok so me and my husband will be married 3 years in June. Well we have been together for a total of five years. he was a correctional officer the first 3 years we were together well when we moved back to Texas 2 years ago he was still a correctional officer. Since he quit being a correctional officer this past year he has started being really controlling. He wont let me go out of town for a week to visit a friend that i haven't seen since we moved back to Texas. The same friend has invited me this summer to go with her to Montana and he wont allow me to go with her there either. He wont allow me to go visit family by myself. I cant do anything by my self including shower. Grr im getting very fed up with this. I mean its not like i was going to go off by myself and leave him and my daughter. I was taking her along with me. I just feel that i need a break. |
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  Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
 
Location: Displaced Iowegian | ~~Abusers use a variety of tactics to manipulate you and exert their power:
Dominance – Abusive individuals need to feel in charge of the relationship. They will make decisions for you and the family, tell you what to do, and expect you to obey without question. Your abuser may treat you like a servant, child, or even as his or her possession.
Humiliation – An abuser will do everything he or she can to make you feel bad about yourself or defective in some way. After all, if you believe you're worthless and that no one else will want you, you're less likely to leave. Insults, name-calling, shaming, and public put-downs are all weapons of abuse designed to erode your self-esteem and make you feel powerless.
Isolation – In order to increase your dependence on him or her, an abusive partner will cut you off from the outside world. He or she may keep you from seeing family or friends, or even prevent you from going to work or school. You may have to ask permission to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone.
Threats – Abusers commonly use threats to keep their partners from leaving or to scare them into dropping charges. Your abuser may threaten to hurt or kill you, your children, other family members, or even pets. He or she may also threaten to commit suicide, file false charges against you, or report you to child services.
Intimidation – Your abuser may use a variety of intimidation tactics designed to scare you into submission. Such tactics include making threatening looks or gestures, smashing things in front of you, destroying property, hurting your pets, or putting weapons on display. The clear message is that if you don't obey, there will be violent consequences.
Denial and blame – Abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They will blame their abusive and violent behavior on a bad childhood, a bad day, and even on the victims of their abuse. Your abusive partner may minimize the abuse or deny that it occurred. He or she will commonly shift the responsibility on to you: Somehow, his or her violent and abusive behavior is your fault.
Edited by NJJ 2014-01-11 4:39 PM
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 Neat Freak
Posts: 11216
Location: Wonderful Wyoming | Krystal don't take these things too lightly. If he is that controlling even about showering, that is not right. Might try counseling. Does he get mad if you bring it up that he goes everywhere with you? Does he have a job or is he home all day with you? |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 963
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas. | Usually he works but he wont do counseling and he does have PTSD. |
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Fire Ant Peddler
Posts: 2881
| I had to sit in the police station for a couple of hours waiting for them to find an accident report. I finally found something to read. It was a pamphlet on abuse. I read it and realized that most of them fit ME. My husband died years but yes I was the person they were writing about. DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR SITUATION. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 963
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas. | I mean i live close to all of his family even if i was to do something i wouldnt have a place to stay. and i dont have any money he has gotton to the point he wants me to delete my facebook. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1034
| Why is he no longer a CO? |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 963
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas. | Hes in collage. |
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 Dancing in my Mind
Posts: 3062
Location: Eastern OH but my heart is in WV | Growing up my father was VERY controlling of my mom and it affected the whole family. He would question my brother and I about EVERYTHING (who did my mom talk to, who did she look at, where did we go- he already knew...) This went on for years and years. It got the point that I hated coming home or if the phone would ring. My mom would not leave him because he threatened to take us kids. It was a living nightmare and I did not realize until later in my life the kind of hell my mom actually went through. My dad became terminally ill when I was 16 and my mom saw her freedom (which just caused a whole new set of problems for us kids). She still lived with him but at the height of his illness she could come and go as she pleased and he could not stop her. My parents were both good "parents" but horrible husband and wife. To this day my husband knows not to question me about things, he is not even close to being controlling but I am super sensitive about feeling questioned.
You have to think about your daughter in all of this also. There are all sort of abuse hotlines out there that are welling to help. At the very least, get counseling for yourself. You have to get a hold on this before it destroys everything. Please get help!
Edited by Rolling J 2014-01-11 5:23 PM
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Awww I'm sorry Krystal that your having problems, but your getting lots of good advice on here.  |
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 Twin Sister to Queen Boobie
Posts: 13315
Location: East Tennessee but who knows?! | So he didn't exhibit any of this behavior the 2 years you guys dated? How long has this been going on?
When you say he won't "LET" you, does he get mad or does he just try to talk you out of it? What exactly is he doing to not let you?
What do you think would happen if you did just go see your family or whatever? If you just put your foot down and said, "I'm going" and then you just went? Or if you just told him you wanted to take a shower by yourself and for him to just go?
My husband is pretty clingy. I went to get ice cream with a friend (girl) one time and he called me every two seconds checking to see where we were at. On the surface, that looked pretty controlling and he can smother me too much at times. But I just laugh at him and do what I want to do and he either deals with it or he gets made and still has to deal with it.
Do you work? If you don't, I definitely would start if at all possible not only to save your sanity but to start putting you some money back just in case.
How is he with your daughter?
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 963
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas. | Fairweather - 2014-01-11 5:44 PM
So he didn't exhibit any of this behavior the 2 years you guys dated? How long has this been going on?
When you say he won't "LET" you, does he get mad or does he just try to talk you out of it? What exactly is he doing to not let you?
What do you think would happen if you did just go see your family or whatever? If you just put your foot down and said, "I'm going" and then you just went? Or if you just told him you wanted to take a shower by yourself and for him to just go?
My husband is pretty clingy. I went to get ice cream with a friend (girl) one time and he called me every two seconds checking to see where we were at. On the surface, that looked pretty controlling and he can smother me too much at times. But I just laugh at him and do what I want to do and he either deals with it or he gets made and still has to deal with it.
Do you work? If you don't, I definitely would start if at all possible not only to save your sanity but to start putting you some money back just in case.
How is he with your daughter?
No he did not do any of this while we were dating this started happening this past year. I did go see my family once with me and my daughter and he called me and told me to never come back home. Well one night i couldnt get ahold of him what so ever so me and my daughter came back to check on him to see if he was ok. I have never been allowed to work. He doesnt really help at all with her i do everything myself. But he just flat out tells me im not allowed to go by myself. any where. If i could find someone to watch my daughter i would be more than happy to work. |
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 Love Me Some Robert Redford
Posts: 2335
Location: WV | Don't know the whole story but it sounds like you need to get out. This is abuse and you don't need to take it. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1440
Location: Texas | It sounds like he has just replaced the inmates he used to run with running you. I'm don't know what his temper is like but I would just go visit my parents and if he said not to come back I would tell him that was fine. Honestly I am sure he would just back down and if he didn't well then it would be his loss not yours. Right now you are a prisOner in your own life and that is now way to live and certainly not an example for your daughter. Good luck and prayers to you to find the right path to follow |
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 I Am Always Right
Posts: 4264
Location: stray dump capital of the world | The word "allow" just doesn't work for me. I would have been gone a long time ago. You have family, so why don't you go there? I'd wait until that sucker was at work, pack my crap and boogie on out of there. Personally, I think both you and your daughter are in danger if you stay. |
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 Sock eating dog owner
Posts: 4557
Location: Where the pavement ends and the West begins Utah | Go to court house and pick up divorce forms and sign them, move back with your family and send him the divorce papers. You are in danger honey cut the ties and let him have all possesions, don't ask for any thing from him and don't let him see your daughter!!! The divorce papers will cost $20 total and don't use a lawyer, you don't have the money for that sort of thing. It cost me $400,000.00 when said and done. I got nothing!!! RUN!!!! He is a very SICK man. |
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 Toastest with the Mostest
Posts: 5712
Location: That part of Texas | cow pie - 2014-01-11 7:55 PM Go to court house and pick up divorce forms and sign them, move back with your family and send him the divorce papers. You are in danger honey cut the ties and let him have all possesions, don't ask for any thing from him and don't let him see your daughter!!! The divorce papers will cost $20 total and don't use a lawyer, you don't have the money for that sort of thing. It cost me $400,000.00 when said and done. I got nothing!!! RUN!!!! He is a very SICK man.
None of that from what would happen with the child, to the cost of the filing and to even just being able to pick up papers in Texas is true. She needs to at least go talk to someone in legal aid to help her file. We have organizations here across the state for that type of help. You don't just file and walk away -- he will get some type of visitation if you do that and will more than likely be able to see his child if she files and walks away. It's not that easy. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1304
| I may be young but I've seen too many people I'm close to go through this lately. This is abuse. Tell him he needs to clean up his act or you need to get the hell out. A shower? Really? What in the heck does he think you're gonna do in there?! Crawl down the drain and go complete hussy on him? I'm sorry if you think I'm being rude because it's not directed towards you!! Abusers make me angry  But SERIOUSLY, this is a big deal...and no one deserves to be treated like that. |
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 BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25352
Location: Bastrop, Texas | Hold on a second. The guy lost his job and is going through some hard times. Clearly he's behaving like a control freak, and something is amiss, I agree, but seriously, is this the time to just throw in the towel and go straight to a divorce? There's a kid involved here. I don't see anything that says this marriage can't be salvaged....things like a simple ultimatum, couples counseling, even a trial separation. You can always divorce him, but it seems to me there could be a few less drastic steps that just might work.
Maybe I'm missing something, but that's how I see it. |
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 Sweet Tea
Posts: 3496
Location: Home of the World Famous "Silver Bullet" | get out of dodge while you can.  |
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Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | HotbearLVR - 2014-01-11 8:55 PM Hold on a second. The guy lost his job and is going through some hard times. Clearly he's behaving like a control freak, and something is amiss, I agree, but seriously, is this the time to just throw in the towel and go straight to a divorce? There's a kid involved here. I don't see anything that says this marriage can't be salvaged....things like a simple ultimatum, couples counseling, even a trial separation. You can always divorce him, but it seems to me there could be a few less drastic steps that just might work. Maybe I'm missing something, but that's how I see it.
1. He didn't "lose" his job....he quit
2. He won't do counseling
3. He is in college
4. He has already told her once (that she admits to) to NOT come back home
5. Right now he is only a "control freak" ......should she wait until something more serious happens before jumping ship?
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 Hog Tie My Mojo
Posts: 4847
Location: Opelousas, LA | txkrystal - 2014-01-11 5:13 PM Hes in collage.
Since he won't let you work, who is paying the bills? |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| I just went back and read that he wants you to get rid of your facebook too, as well as not seeing family and friends...he is slowly having you cut off ties with everyone...you have no job and I hate to say it, but he's cornering you and you'll be screwed. No connections with anyone, he wants you to be dependent on him and him only and who knows what he'd do after this continues to progress. Seriously, you really need to get out of there. I agree now with others that there's probably nothing to salvage and this is bigger than a big problem. I probably just picture the worst case scenario but you really don't know what he's capable of once he makes you lose all connections to the outside world. |
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BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25352
Location: Bastrop, Texas | NJJ - 2014-01-11 9:03 PM
HotbearLVR - 2014-01-11 8:55 PM Hold on a second. The guy lost his job and is going through some hard times. Clearly he's behaving like a control freak, and something is amiss, I agree, but seriously, is this the time to just throw in the towel and go straight to a divorce? There's a kid involved here. I don't see anything that says this marriage can't be salvaged....things like a simple ultimatum, couples counseling, even a trial separation. You can always divorce him, but it seems to me there could be a few less drastic steps that just might work. Maybe I'm missing something, but that's how I see it.
1. He didn't "lose" his job....he quit
2. He won't do counseling
3. He is in college
4. He has already told her once (that she admits to) to NOT come back home
5. Right now he is only a "control freak" ......should she wait until something more serious happens before jumping ship?
Got it. I missed the part where he won't do counseling. If he has been given an ultimatum, and he refuses, then I agree....get away. Leave him, and you can begin the divorce process. See what happens, but txcrystal is in control. She doesn't have to be trapped. |
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 Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | didnt you say you worked at a preschool? few months back you did and you have a health issue seizures or Anxiety?and had to get a puppy for it? possibly he is concerned and you just think hes being that way and taken out of context. ?he quit and is in college and no income coming in?werent you just trying to finance or build a modular? I gues thats none my business though..
Edited by Bibliafarm 2014-01-11 9:47 PM
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | I also thought you were working at a preschool, and had to get a service dog? Are you still working there? If I were you I would go see my family, could your mother come up and take you and your little girl home with her so you can have some time away from your husband to think things over? |
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BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25352
Location: Bastrop, Texas | Bibliafarm - 2014-01-11 9:43 PM didnt you say you worked at a preschool? few months back you did and you have a health issue seizures or Anxiety?and had to get a puppy for it? possibly he is concerned and you just think hes being that way and taken out of context. ?he quit and is in college and no income coming in?werent you just trying to finance or build a modular? I gues thats none my business though..
If this is true, and if there's no income coming in, that, in and of itself has to be at least part of the problem. Money issues are huge contributing factors when it comes to divorce. It's so hard to give real sold advice on threads like this, first because you only hear one side of the story, and also, it's hard to "encapsulate" the whole story in a paragraph or two.
That's why I am usually not quick to jump on the "divorce the bastard" bandwagon. That there is no income has to be playing a big part here. |
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Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | HotbearLVR - 2014-01-11 11:06 PM Bibliafarm - 2014-01-11 9:43 PM didnt you say you worked at a preschool? few months back you did and you have a health issue seizures or Anxiety?and had to get a puppy for it? possibly he is concerned and you just think hes being that way and taken out of context. ?he quit and is in college and no income coming in?werent you just trying to finance or build a modular? I gues thats none my business though.. If this is true, and if there's no income coming in, that, in and of itself has to be at least part of the problem. Money issues are huge contributing factors when it comes to divorce. It's so hard to give real sold advice on threads like this, first because you only hear one side of the story, and also, it's hard to "encapsulate" the whole story in a paragraph or two.
That's why I am usually not quick to jump on the "divorce the bastard" bandwagon. That there is no income has to be playing a big part here.
I think theres lots of holes in stories.. so I wouldnt jump on the D word either, |
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 Bit O Holic
Posts: 6448
Location: hot, humid and dry...Gulf coast East of Houston.. | Txkrystal... whatever you deceide to do, please do what you can to take precautions from getting pregnant. I have seen where you have posted that you want another baby. Now is definetely not the time. Its your business, but getting pregnant right now would not be good. It will make things 10 times worse. Wait and see what if any changes come of your marriage. If you have another child, it will only complicate things, with no income, and 2 kids to feed and clothe. And should you divorce, you will be very young trying to raise 2 children, with no job skills. You will have a real hard time, and struggle financially.
Maybe you should see about leaving temporarily and going to your moms. Let him see for himself what his life would be like without you. That may be what he needs to realize what changes need to be made. You could also use that time to get assistance for you to further your education so that you are never totally dependant on someone else. You wont have to settle because you will have skills and be able to support and provide on your own. That makes a big difference in relationships.... You can be with someone because you want to, not because you have to. Good luck |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 963
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas. | Bibliafarm - 2014-01-11 9:43 PM
didnt you say you worked at a preschool? few months back you did and you have a health issue seizures or Anxiety?and had to get a puppy for it? possibly he is concerned and you just think hes being that way and taken out of context. ?he quit and is in college and no income coming in?werent you just trying to finance or build a modular? I gues thats none my business though..
yes i did work with preschool students got layed off when the PREK 4 sa took all of my students exept 2 . And yes i do have Anxiety and depression. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 963
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas. | Bibliafarm - 2014-01-11 9:43 PM
didnt you say you worked at a preschool? few months back you did and you have a health issue seizures or Anxiety?and had to get a puppy for it? possibly he is concerned and you just think hes being that way and taken out of context. ?he quit and is in college and no income coming in?werent you just trying to finance or build a modular? I gues thats none my business though..
My husband does have my father n laws Gi bill housing alounce coming in . |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 963
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas. | Update : We had a COME TO JESUS MEETING TONIGHT. I got one of my husbands aunt to babysit my daughter and me and my husband had a huge COME TO JESUS meeting and oh boy Jesus was with me tonight Amen! And he is understanding My English now. |
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Love Me Some Robert Redford
Posts: 2335
Location: WV | MO gal - 2014-01-12 8:35 AM
HotbearLVR - 2014-01-11 8:55 PM
Hold on a second. The guy lost his job and is going through some hard times. Clearly he's behaving like a control freak, and something is amiss, I agree, but seriously, is this the time to just throw in the towel and go straight to a divorce? There's a kid involved here. I don't see anything that says this marriage can't be salvaged....things like a simple ultimatum, couples counseling, even a trial separation. You can always divorce him, but it seems to me there could be a few less drastic steps that just might work.
Maybe I'm missing something, but that's how I see it.
Yes, Doc, you are missing something and thank goodness you are. In the husband/wife dynamic if the husband is becoming that controlling, unless something changes dramatically for the better, it just heads down a very scary and potentially dangerous path. It is very harmful to the wife and to the kids if allowed to continue for long. It is not something that can be taken lightly.
I am glad that the poster has had a discussion with her husband and hopefully has resolved some issues.
Good luck!
I may be wrong but I think he was referring to something in her post. There were a couple of things that he did not see. Or maybe it's just how you wanted to word your reply and I totally did not comprehend what you meant it. I don't believe he was taking her situation lightly just meaing there are a lot of things we don't know and should not jump to conclusions when giving some advice. Hope their talk did resolve some of the issues and everything is on the mend.  |
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Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | txkrystal - 2014-01-12 1:20 AM .. My husband does have my father n laws Gi bill housing alounce coming in .
Please tell me HOW your husband is able to use another person's GI Bill benefits???? |
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BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25352
Location: Bastrop, Texas | Like I said, I guess I missed something with krystal's OP. I just think it is real hard to just tell someone that her husband is some sort of dangerous monster and to waste no time getting a divorce. Some people really look up to others on here and they take advice like that seriously. Yesterday it was looking as if she needs to divorce his ass, and now today there's been a "come to Jesus moment". What a difference a day makes! Marriage is a fragile partnership sometimes. They aren't all built on granite. I think there are some transgressions for which divorce is clearly understandable and justified: physical abuse, infidelity, and addiction. Things like "controlling" and "verbal abuse" are more subjective and hard to define.....so it's real hard to get an idea as to what constitutes the kind of verbal abuse or controlling behavior is going on here no matter how much we are told about the details. It's a matter of degree is what I am trying to say. I think many times, in cases like this, the "controlling" or "verbal abuse" goes both ways.
My understanding is both krystal and her husband are not working. Maybe he is pretty distraught over the ordeal and really feels like he needs her to be around for moral support, if nothing else? Maybe he doesn't think the time is right for her to be making any long drives and spending any extra money on gas right how running off here or there?
I just am not convinced that he is the monster he's made out to be, especially not when it's summed up in one small paragraph, and on that basis alone I would think 10 times before just flat out advising her to divorce her husband. I also happen to consider the source. I recall a thread that was started over his lack of willingness to help out with the household chores. I'm not saying that isn't important, but it's a common problem, especially with younger couples, but I'm not going to get so upset that I bring it over to a public forum and get everyone all bent out of shape over it. Also, I clearly remember how excited Krystal was about a month or so ago when her hubby took her to a jewelry store and bought her a new diamond ring. I bet he wasn't a monster that day.
Most important of all, as far as I'm concerned, is that there is a child involved here. More and more it seems like divorce is an easy way out for a lot of couples, but the kid ends up being the only real casualty who suffers for the rest of his/her life. There is a LOT of evidence out there that suggests kids do worse after divorce than the ones where there is a dysfuntional marriage.....even ones where there is a lot of control, and "verbal abuse". That's why I wasn't jumping on the bandwagon. Had there not been a kid in this equation, I wouldn't have said anything. |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| I didn't realize this other information about anxiety/depression, being laid off, your husband not working because he's going to school...it would've been a little more helpful to know that because I immediately jumped to the conclusion that he was dangerous as well :/ But I'm glad you all are starting to work things out, prayers for you all. |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | txkrystal - 2014-01-12 1:55 AM Update : We had a COME TO JESUS MEETING TONIGHT. I got one of my husbands aunt to babysit my daughter and me and my husband had a huge COME TO JESUS meeting and oh boy Jesus was with me tonight Amen! And he is understanding My English now.
Is your husband needing a job, the oilfeild is hiring like crazy around here. And its good pay. |
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Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | Scott was correct.. all the posters jumping to Get a divorce....and assuming hes dangerous is nuts.. you all dont live there nor know all the facts.. I dont even know if there are facts.. really.. I wouldnt judge the man off someones posts.. marriage is a big ordeal and for some random posters stating get out and dont evn know what is going on is absurd to me.. go to your families.. and let them help her do something..advice is great but dont be so quick to judge a man especially knowing prevoius threads. |
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Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | NJJ - 2014-01-12 9:49 AM txkrystal - 2014-01-12 1:20 AM .. My husband does have my father n laws Gi bill housing alounce coming in .
I would like to know to.. |
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 Expert of all Expert...
Location: Arizona | Bibliafarm - 2014-01-12 8:51 AM NJJ - 2014-01-12 9:49 AM txkrystal - 2014-01-12 1:20 AM .. My husband does have my father n laws Gi bill housing alounce coming in .
Situationally dependent-post 9/11 GI bill benefits can be shared with family members. The criteria may continue to change as benefits remain a pawn in budget negotiations.
Edited by roan critter 2014-01-12 11:47 AM
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BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25352
Location: Bastrop, Texas | roan critter - 2014-01-12 11:38 AM Bibliafarm - 2014-01-12 8:51 AM NJJ - 2014-01-12 9:49 AM txkrystal - 2014-01-12 1:20 AM .. My husband does have my father n laws Gi bill housing alounce coming in .
Situationally dependent, post 9/11 GI bill benefits can be shared with family members The criteria may continue to chang as benefits reman a pawn in budget negotiations.
Well?? I have a feeling she wishes she could redact this comment.
I would like to know how that works myself. |
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 Living on the edge of common sense
Posts: 24138
Location: Carpenter, WY | roan critter - 2014-01-12 9:38 AM Bibliafarm - 2014-01-12 8:51 AM NJJ - 2014-01-12 9:49 AM txkrystal - 2014-01-12 1:20 AM .. My husband does have my father n laws Gi bill housing alounce coming in .
Situationally dependent-post 9/11 GI bill benefits can be shared with family members The criteria may continue to change as benefits remain a pawn in budget negotiations.
wow, I had no idea
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Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | txkrystal - 2014-01-12 2:20 AM Bibliafarm - 2014-01-11 9:43 PM didnt you say you worked at a preschool? few months back you did and you have a health issue seizures or Anxiety?and had to get a puppy for it? possibly he is concerned and you just think hes being that way and taken out of context. ?he quit and is in college and no income coming in?werent you just trying to finance or build a modular? I gues thats none my business though.. My husband does have my father n laws Gi bill housing alounce coming in .
generous post-service education benefit
They have one to buy houses to?
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Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | HotbearLVR - 2014-01-12 11:43 AM roan critter - 2014-01-12 11:38 AM Bibliafarm - 2014-01-12 8:51 AM NJJ - 2014-01-12 9:49 AM txkrystal - 2014-01-12 1:20 AM .. My husband does have my father n laws Gi bill housing alounce coming in .
Situationally dependent, post 9/11 GI bill benefits can be shared with family members The criteria may continue to chang as benefits reman a pawn in budget negotiations.
I would like to know how that works myself.
I have read through that and I highly doubt that with his age, his father falls in that "time period" covered by this law.....but maybe she will come back and explain........ |
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Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | It says An individual approved to transfer an entitlement to educational assistance not to buy a house? im confused.. |
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 Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | Active/retired military with the post 911 GI bill can in fact transfer it to immediate family members, spouse or children. My husband is transferring his to me so that I can go back to school.
Now with a GI bill does come a housing allowance BUT I don't know if that part is transferrable.
Edited to add this is the post 911 gi bill, not the new ones, and there are requirements such as years in service etc.
Edited by missroselee 2014-01-12 12:21 PM
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Expert of all Expert...
Location: Arizona | NJJ - 2014-01-12 9:59 AM HotbearLVR - 2014-01-12 11:43 AM roan critter - 2014-01-12 11:38 AM Bibliafarm - 2014-01-12 8:51 AM NJJ - 2014-01-12 9:49 AM txkrystal - 2014-01-12 1:20 AM .. My husband does have my father n laws Gi bill housing alounce coming in . Situationally dependent, post 9/11 GI bill benefits can be shared with family members The criteria may continue to chang as benefits reman a pawn in budget negotiations.
I would like to know how that works myself.
http://m.military.com/education/gi-bill/gi-bill-faqs.html?
The best source for specific info on education, va loan housing, or other vet benefits is the va website.
Baiting an argument or trap with this young girl should be beneath all of us. She needs to work on getting some skills and confidence of her own, stand on her own two feet, and then figure out what life should look like for her.
Edited by roan critter 2014-01-12 12:27 PM
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BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25352
Location: Bastrop, Texas | The wedding ring thread was something I just remembered. That was about a month ago. If I were financially strapped, that would be the last thing I'd buy. Even a cheap wedding ring can go a long ways in terms of expense. Just an observation. |
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 Famous for Not Complaining
Posts: 8848
Location: Broxton, Ga | NJJ - 2014-01-10 10:03 PM HotbearLVR - 2014-01-11 8:55 PM Hold on a second. The guy lost his job and is going through some hard times. Clearly he's behaving like a control freak, and something is amiss, I agree, but seriously, is this the time to just throw in the towel and go straight to a divorce? There's a kid involved here. I don't see anything that says this marriage can't be salvaged....things like a simple ultimatum, couples counseling, even a trial separation. You can always divorce him, but it seems to me there could be a few less drastic steps that just might work. Maybe I'm missing something, but that's how I see it. 1. He didn't "lose" his job....he quit
2. He won't do counseling
3. He is in college
4. He has already told her once (that she admits to) to NOT come back home
5. Right now he is only a "control freak" ......should she wait until something more serious happens before jumping ship?
No........I "was" married to one...........stayed because of our daughter....13 years.....was not worth it......just my opinion when I hear men with issues like this.......they don't change unless they have a real come to Jesus change........ps........mine tried that too........but after 13 years of pure hell.......it was too late...... |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 963
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas. | missroselee - 2014-01-12 12:20 PM
Active/retired military with the post 911 GI bill can in fact transfer it to immediate family members, spouse or children. My husband is transferring his to me so that I can go back to school.
Now with a GI bill does come a housing allowance BUT I don't know if that part is transferrable.
Edited to add this is the post 911 gi bill, not the new ones, and there are requirements such as years in service etc.
This is what my husband gets. And yes it does come with a housing allowance |
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Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | roan critter - 2014-01-12 12:23 PM [quote
Baiting an argument or trap with this young girl should be beneath all of us. She needs to work on getting some skills and confidence of her own, stand on her own two feet, and then figure out what life should look like for her. Just to BE clear....I was NOT "baiting" an argument or anything else with this young lady....I was surprised and truly wondering HOW it worked which Tiff explained very well.......But I DO agree with the remainder of your statement........carry on........
Edited by NJJ 2014-01-12 2:07 PM
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Neat Freak
Posts: 11216
Location: Wonderful Wyoming | It's always the same people trying to dig at her. I have to wonder why? Does it matter how she lives her life in the grand scheme of things with most of you? I bet a lot of people on here make some stupid buying choices or buy something in the heat of the moment...and later realize that money could have better been spent elsewhere.
I've gotten to know her and she's not what you all are making her out to be. Why can anyone else come on here and complain about their abusive or drunken spouse or lazy worthless kids or WHATEVER and not get thrown to the wolves.
Come on people, find some poor prey somewhere else. There are plenty of trolls that frequent here, give them hell. |
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BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25352
Location: Bastrop, Texas | wyoming barrel racer - 2014-01-12 5:50 PM It's always the same people trying to dig at her. I have to wonder why? Does it matter how she lives her life in the grand scheme of things with most of you? I bet a lot of people on here make some stupid buying choices or buy something in the heat of the moment...and later realize that money could have better been spent elsewhere.
I've gotten to know her and she's not what you all are making her out to be. Why can anyone else come on here and complain about their abusive or drunken spouse or lazy worthless kids or WHATEVER and not get thrown to the wolves.
Come on people, find some poor prey somewhere else. There are plenty of trolls that frequent here, give them hell.
I think most "trolls" eventually catch hell for things eventually. I don't think she is singled out for any particular reason, but here's how I see it. If someone comes on here and has a personal problem, or is sad, or whatever, most of the time people listen to what they are saying and either offer some help or consolation. When it starts to become a regular occurance and none of the crises are necessarily related, I think people begin to wonder. One week it's a new diamond ring. The next it's a fund for diapers. Another week it's a new trailer. Then there's an abusive spouse issue. Then there's a request for prayers for a toothache. After a while you begin to wonder how much of it is real, partially real, or just contrived. I don't know her personally, and I wish no ill will on here, but there comes a point when I think a person needs to be told to use a little common sense and judgement. This last crisis didn't pass the smell test. Like I was alluding to, one thing that stood out in this latest chapter was the child was barely even mentioned, yet if there is talk about divorce, the child is the only one in this scenario who stands the greatest chance of being seriously effected for life. The adults recover and move on....the kid, not so much. There comes a point when a person can sap all the good naturedness out of a board like this and it becomes a bit much. |
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 More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | HotbearLVR - 2014-01-12 6:18 PM wyoming barrel racer - 2014-01-12 5:50 PM It's always the same people trying to dig at her. I have to wonder why? Does it matter how she lives her life in the grand scheme of things with most of you? I bet a lot of people on here make some stupid buying choices or buy something in the heat of the moment...and later realize that money could have better been spent elsewhere.
I've gotten to know her and she's not what you all are making her out to be. Why can anyone else come on here and complain about their abusive or drunken spouse or lazy worthless kids or WHATEVER and not get thrown to the wolves.
Come on people, find some poor prey somewhere else. There are plenty of trolls that frequent here, give them hell. I think most "trolls" eventually catch hell for things eventually. I don't think she is singled out for any particular reason, but here's how I see it. If someone comes on here and has a personal problem, or is sad, or whatever, most of the time people listen to what they are saying and either offer some help or consolation. When it starts to become a regular occurance and none of the crises are necessarily related, I think people begin to wonder. One week it's a new diamond ring. The next it's a fund for diapers. Another week it's a new trailer. Then there's an abusive spouse issue. Then there's a request for prayers for a toothache. After a while you begin to wonder how much of it is real, partially real, or just contrived. I don't know her personally, and I wish no ill will on here, but there comes a point when I think a person needs to be told to use a little common sense and judgement. This last crisis didn't pass the smell test. Like I was alluding to, one thing that stood out in this latest chapter was the child was barely even mentioned, yet if there is talk about divorce, the child is the only one in this scenario who stands the greatest chance of being seriously effected for life. The adults recover and move on....the kid, not so much. There comes a point when a person can sap all the good naturedness out of a board like this and it becomes a bit much.
You got a "like" from me Doc. I honestly steer clear of the posts because I don't know fact from fiction on her posts. I also wish no ill will but I choose to bypass certain people threads. |
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BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25352
Location: Bastrop, Texas | I would hope that by pointing this out, this actaully does some real lasting good. This is a unique place, in my opinion. A lot of us have become real life personal friends on here. We share things and we give to one another. We fight and we make each other laugh. We have friends here from far away places like Brazil, Australia, and Italy, and yet we sometimes talk and share as if we were talking across a fence rather than a border or an ocean. This friendship we all share is at times fragile. Some people meet future spouses on here. Some people post their dying words on here. This place is a great place to share lighthearted humor, to help one another, and even to debate and quarrel. It's easy to sometimes take it for granted. We all could use a kick in the pants once in a while. Lord knows I've gotten my share. When people ask for prayers, I believe they actually get them.
When people want someone to listen to their problems and offer solutions, they get it. That is a pretty precious thing in this day and age. |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| HotbearLVR - 2014-01-12 7:03 PM I would hope that by pointing this out, this actaully does some real lasting good. This is a unique place, in my opinion. A lot of us have become real life personal friends on here. We share things and we give to one another. We fight and we make each other laugh. We have friends here from far away places like Brazil, Australia, and Italy, and yet we sometimes talk and share as if we were talking across a fence rather than a border or an ocean. This friendship we all share is at times fragile. Some people meet future spouses on here. Some people post their dying words on here. This place is a great place to share lighthearted humor, to help one another, and even to debate and quarrel. It's easy to sometimes take it for granted. We all could use a kick in the pants once in a while. Lord knows I've gotten my share. When people ask for prayers, I believe they actually get them.
When people want someone to listen to their problems and offer solutions, they get it. That is a pretty precious thing in this day and age.
Well said |
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Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | HotbearLVR - 2014-01-12 8:03 PM I would hope that by pointing this out, this actaully does some real lasting good. This is a unique place, in my opinion. A lot of us have become real life personal friends on here. We share things and we give to one another. We fight and we make each other laugh. We have friends here from far away places like Brazil, Australia, and Italy, and yet we sometimes talk and share as if we were talking across a fence rather than a border or an ocean. This friendship we all share is at times fragile. Some people meet future spouses on here. Some people post their dying words on here. This place is a great place to share lighthearted humor, to help one another, and even to debate and quarrel. It's easy to sometimes take it for granted. We all could use a kick in the pants once in a while. Lord knows I've gotten my share. When people ask for prayers, I believe they actually get them.
When people want someone to listen to their problems and offer solutions, they get it. That is a pretty precious thing in this day and age.
yes well said and so true |
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 Forever Young
Posts: 6768
Location: relocated to Texas | HotbearLVR - 2014-01-13 6:03 PM I would hope that by pointing this out, this actaully does some real lasting good. This is a unique place, in my opinion. A lot of us have become real life personal friends on here. We share things and we give to one another. We fight and we make each other laugh. We have friends here from far away places like Brazil, Australia, and Italy, and yet we sometimes talk and share as if we were talking across a fence rather than a border or an ocean. This friendship we all share is at times fragile. Some people meet future spouses on here. Some people post their dying words on here. This place is a great place to share lighthearted humor, to help one another, and even to debate and quarrel. It's easy to sometimes take it for granted. We all could use a kick in the pants once in a while. Lord knows I've gotten my share. When people ask for prayers, I believe they actually get them.
When people want someone to listen to their problems and offer solutions, they get it. That is a pretty precious thing in this day and age.
Love it.  |
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Blessed 
Location: Here | HotbearLVR - 2014-01-12 7:03 PM I would hope that by pointing this out, this actaully does some real lasting good. This is a unique place, in my opinion. A lot of us have become real life personal friends on here. We share things and we give to one another. We fight and we make each other laugh. We have friends here from far away places like Brazil, Australia, and Italy, and yet we sometimes talk and share as if we were talking across a fence rather than a border or an ocean. This friendship we all share is at times fragile. Some people meet future spouses on here. Some people post their dying words on here. This place is a great place to share lighthearted humor, to help one another, and even to debate and quarrel. It's easy to sometimes take it for granted. We all could use a kick in the pants once in a while. Lord knows I've gotten my share. When people ask for prayers, I believe they actually get them.
When people want someone to listen to their problems and offer solutions, they get it. That is a pretty precious thing in this day and age.
It is a very unique special place. Well said
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 Got to have my Pepsi
Posts: 6252
Location: Baden, PA | HotbearLVR - 2014-01-12 7:03 PM I would hope that by pointing this out, this actaully does some real lasting good. This is a unique place, in my opinion. A lot of us have become real life personal friends on here. We share things and we give to one another. We fight and we make each other laugh. We have friends here from far away places like Brazil, Australia, and Italy, and yet we sometimes talk and share as if we were talking across a fence rather than a border or an ocean. This friendship we all share is at times fragile. Some people meet future spouses on here. Some people post their dying words on here. This place is a great place to share lighthearted humor, to help one another, and even to debate and quarrel. It's easy to sometimes take it for granted. We all could use a kick in the pants once in a while. Lord knows I've gotten my share. When people ask for prayers, I believe they actually get them.
When people want someone to listen to their problems and offer solutions, they get it. That is a pretty precious thing in this day and age.
Got that right Scott |
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Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | HotbearLVR - 2014-01-12 7:03 PM I would hope that by pointing this out, this actaully does some real lasting good. This is a unique place, in my opinion. A lot of us have become real life personal friends on here. We share things and we give to one another. We fight and we make each other laugh. We have friends here from far away places like Brazil, Australia, and Italy, and yet we sometimes talk and share as if we were talking across a fence rather than a border or an ocean. This friendship we all share is at times fragile. Some people meet future spouses on here. Some people post their dying words on here. This place is a great place to share lighthearted humor, to help one another, and even to debate and quarrel. It's easy to sometimes take it for granted. We all could use a kick in the pants once in a while. Lord knows I've gotten my share. When people ask for prayers, I believe they actually get them.
When people want someone to listen to their problems and offer solutions, they get it. That is a pretty precious thing in this day and age.
A post certainly worthy of a "like".........and I hope it gets the point across to some....... |
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Neat Freak
Posts: 11216
Location: Wonderful Wyoming | HotbearLVR - 2014-01-12 6:03 PM I would hope that by pointing this out, this actaully does some real lasting good. This is a unique place, in my opinion. A lot of us have become real life personal friends on here. We share things and we give to one another. We fight and we make each other laugh. We have friends here from far away places like Brazil, Australia, and Italy, and yet we sometimes talk and share as if we were talking across a fence rather than a border or an ocean. This friendship we all share is at times fragile. Some people meet future spouses on here. Some people post their dying words on here. This place is a great place to share lighthearted humor, to help one another, and even to debate and quarrel. It's easy to sometimes take it for granted. We all could use a kick in the pants once in a while. Lord knows I've gotten my share. When people ask for prayers, I believe they actually get them.
When people want someone to listen to their problems and offer solutions, they get it. That is a pretty precious thing in this day and age.
I totally & whole heartedly agree with you. I just wish some would choose to ignore vs belittle. |
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Dancing in my Mind
Posts: 3062
Location: Eastern OH but my heart is in WV | wyoming barrel racer - 2014-01-12 8:10 PM
HotbearLVR - 2014-01-12 6:03 PM I would hope that by pointing this out, this actaully does some real lasting good. This is a unique place, in my opinion. A lot of us have become real life personal friends on here. We share things and we give to one another. We fight and we make each other laugh. We have friends here from far away places like Brazil, Australia, and Italy, and yet we sometimes talk and share as if we were talking across a fence rather than a border or an ocean. This friendship we all share is at times fragile. Some people meet future spouses on here. Some people post their dying words on here. This place is a great place to share lighthearted humor, to help one another, and even to debate and quarrel. It's easy to sometimes take it for granted. We all could use a kick in the pants once in a while. Lord knows I've gotten my share. When people ask for prayers, I believe they actually get them.
When people want someone to listen to their problems and offer solutions, they get it. That is a pretty precious thing in this day and age.
I totally & whole heartedly agree with you. I just wish some would choose to ignore vs belittle.
Nicely said Scott and WBR you are a class act and I stand behind you in what you said! |
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Oh gosh i need help.