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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
    
Location: Kansas | My daughter is 16 months old, and has the most horrible temper tantrums I've ever seen in a child. She will throw herself on the ground and scream, she smacks me in the face, kicks me and throws things. There are times I just have to walk out of the room because it's too much for me to handle. I cry alot.....I talk softly to her to get her to calm down, I will pick her up and rub her back....but nothing works. I can't even go anywhere in public anymore because she will randomly start screaming, even at restaurants....last friday was my best friends daughters birthday and we all went to red lobster to celebrate it. My daughter got ahold of the cup full of ketchup and decided to throw it on the table and fling it everywhere, I politely told her to not do that and she instantly started screaming and smacked me in the chest.
It's embarrasing. I can't ride because she will run into the arena, and scream when I get off my horse and pick her up to move her back out. She will scream if I don't have her in the saddle riding with me. If she drops a toy in the car....she screams bloody murder, even my cell phone...she has dialed 911 multiple times because she refuses to give me my cell phone, I even gave her an old phone to play with but she wants mine. She climbs the stairs, just yesterday I had the day off and was putting away laundry, when she climbed the stairs and decided to go hog wild running around upstairs. I've tried putting the baby gate up, but she will hang off it and scream.
I'm about to rip my hair out, I cry pretty much every night until she finally falls asleep because she is getting hard to handle.
I'm sorry this is so long I just don't know what to do anymore. What can I do to help her calm down a little bit, or make her more happy? |
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  Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | 1- You can send her to LRQH's for a month. I will get her right.
2- You can beat her.
3- You can drug her up.
4- You could possibly trade her in on a new one. Or, just switch her out with someone else's kid at Day Care. |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | Ohhhhhh, almost forgot this one :)
5- remember those people that kept their foster kid's in cages. I think they were from South Dakota, Kentucky or Cananda. Anyways, that seemed to work out pretty good for them. Build her a nice cage :) |
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Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | LRQHS - 2014-01-21 8:06 AM Ohhhhhh, almost forgot this one :)
5- remember those people that kept their foster kid's in cages. I think they were from South Dakota, Kentucky or Cananda. Anyways, that seemed to work out pretty good for them. Build her a nice cage :)
LMFAO.....she would hate me forever!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | hoofs_in_motion - 2014-01-21 8:08 AM LRQHS - 2014-01-21 8:06 AM Ohhhhhh, almost forgot this one :)
5- remember those people that kept their foster kid's in cages. I think they were from South Dakota, Kentucky or Cananda. Anyways, that seemed to work out pretty good for them. Build her a nice cage :) LMFAO.....she would hate me forever!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA
Oh, make up your mind.....you want a sweet little girl.....and you want her to behave........and you want her to love you and not hate you for eternity and you want her to walk upright.....and and and.........pick one and let ol' LRQHS fix this little problem for you. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1079
| my sister in law speaks "politely" to her daughter too.. She is 4 and I swear she is the spawn of the devil. No respect toward her parents and complete and total disregard for what anyone else (like her grandma) might ask her to do. Stop ASKING and start TELLING. Discipline if she doesn't listen. you are the boss and she is headed down a very naughty road!! I am not opposed to butt spanking either. She sounds like a nightmare.
Sorry if this sounds harsh. I mean my "niece" will straight up sit down and pee on the floor. She is just a total and complete brat. |
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 Triple Extra-Ordinaire
Posts: 4244
Location: Okla | I'm sure it's not the "proper" thing to do, but my Mother used to say...if you're going to cry, I'm going to give you a reason to cry and she would bust my brothers b*tt. |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | These are relatively cheap and can keep a kid out of trouble for a while.....I'd just slap one on, tie her to a tree and come back in an hour or so.....
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Addicted to Baseball
Location: Where the stars at night are big and bright, TX | She's been taught that you'll cave to her demands and you won't punish her. It doesn't matter that she's 16 months old...she needs black and white correction - not appeasing - and you need to outlast her fits and correct them with more than words that fall on a kid in the middle of a hyper-fit. My husband has a huge therapeutic clientele of children whose parents have raised their kids by trying to appease them into behaving rather than teaching them self control and how to behave. You cannot start parenting a child in their teens...it starts now. Our kids knew even at an early age what "do we need to go to the restroom" meant when we were out and one was about to have a come undone. It's at these ages you start to teach self control. Actions have consequences. Choose wisely. Teach them to think ahead and make behavior choices, it starts in ways like this.
Trying to make her "happy" is the problem with the kids my husband treats. You cannot speak a child into being. You cannot gift a child into being. Raising them in this manner will not make them happy, they will want more and more and they will throw bigger and bigger fits to get their way and the parents get habituated to hoping to just keep some peace in the house and in the meantime are destroying their kids ability to function within themselves and others. They are emotionally immature, they have no self control, they only want what they want for themselves, they have no care and concern for others. They live in the moment and don't think ahead to consequences of their actions on themselves or others. You teach a child reciprocity. You teach them self control. You cannot fully reason with a child this age, that comes in time. You make the lines black and white and you outlast them and don't let the tail wag the dog.
ETA as far as the time in the arena, you need to ride when you've got someone else to watch her. That's a different issue than the hitting you, fits in the restaurant, etc.
Edited by Tilt The Kilt 2014-01-21 8:57 AM
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Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | star1218 - 2014-01-21 8:15 AM my sister in law speaks "politely" to her daughter too.. She is 4 and I swear she is the spawn of the devil. No respect toward her parents and complete and total disregard for what anyone else (like her grandma) might ask her to do. Stop ASKING and start TELLING. Discipline if she doesn't listen. you are the boss and she is headed down a very naughty road!! I am not opposed to butt spanking either. She sounds like a nightmare.
Sorry if this sounds harsh. I mean my "niece" will straight up sit down and pee on the floor. She is just a total and complete brat.
This is exactly what my daughter does......she peed on the bathroom floor 3 times yesterday when I was getting her bath ready.
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 Hugs to You
Posts: 7551
Location: In The Land of Cotton | Tilt The Kilt - 2014-01-21 9:27 AM She's been taught that you'll cave to her demands and you won't punish her. It doesn't matter that she's 16 months old...she needs black and white correction - not appeasing - and you need to outlast her fits and correct them with more than words that fall on a kid in the middle of a hyper-fit. My husband has a huge therapeutic clientele of children whose parents have raised their kids by trying to appease them into behaving rather than teaching them self control and how to behave. You cannot start parenting a child in their teens...it starts now. Our kids knew even at that age what "do we need to go to the restroom" meant when we were out and one was about to have a come undone. It's at these ages you start to teach self control. Actions have consequences. Choose wisely. Teach them to think ahead and make behavior choices, it starts in ways like this.
Trying to make her "happy" is the problem with the kids my husband treats. You cannot speak a child into being. You cannot gift a child into being. Raising them in this manner will not make them happy, they will want more and more and they will throw bigger and bigger fits to get their way and the parents get habituated to hoping to just keep some peace in the house and in the meantime are destroying their kids ability to function within themselves and others. They are emotionally immature, they have no self control, they only want what they want for themselves, they have no care and concern for others. They live in the moment and don't think ahead to consequences of their actions on themselves or others. You teach a child reciprocity. You teach them self control. You cannot fully reason with a child this age, that comes in time. You make the lines black and white and you outlast them and don't let the tail wag the dog.
ETA as far as the time in the arena, you need to ride when you've got someone else to watch her. That's a different issue than the hitting you, fits in the restaurant, etc.
And, I believe that means swats on the behind? |
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 Experienced Mouse Trapper
Posts: 3106
Location: North Dakota | Respect at 16 mons is much easier to get than at 16 yrs. Don't weaken Mama, she's got your ticket. Kids need to know that in order to be safe, they have to listen to you, you are the parent. The running into the arena part is what got me through your whole explanation, my reaction would have been to spank her butt and show her the boundaries. Use the word NO and back it up with discipline-my discipline of choice is a swat, but you can choose. You are going to cry A LOT if you lay down ground rules now and stick to them. You are going to be into the biggest pi$$ing match of your life but, if you win, you will have a respectful, cute little girl. I often times wonder how parents of these types of children are raised? If you were raised with limits and respect maybe take a little of that knowledge and apply it here to your own kids, after all, you don't have screaming tantrums................
do you? :) |
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Addicted to Baseball
Location: Where the stars at night are big and bright, TX | Yes, mine know what a "fanny dusting" is. lol
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | I wonder if I could make some extra cash by hiring myself out to beat people's kids for them????? Hmmmmmmm......
I'd even let them decide which method I would use....
1- the clothes hanger - $3
2- the DDT - $5
3- the pile driver - free (that's too fun to charge for)
4- a baseball bat - $20 (that could get messy)
5- broom - $7 (like the bat, but not quite as messy)
6- the twig your grandma used - $10 (this one is very effective and recommended) |
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Hugs to You
Posts: 7551
Location: In The Land of Cotton | With my children's friends starting to have children and seeing "let's talk about it" and "why Johnny" did you do that, it scares me. Kids want boundaries, and need them. OP, please take the advice of Tilt and set the limits and don't back down. I had a little boy who tried you as long as there was a sun that shined. Many, many days I went to bed crying because all I accomplished that day was "paddling, chasing and tending" to him. He is now a grown man with a lot of college education, has traveled the world and a very compassionate soul.
It works, it just gives you early grey hair and wrinkles. |
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Addicted to Baseball
Location: Where the stars at night are big and bright, TX | hoofs_in_motion - 2014-01-21 8:31 AM star1218 - 2014-01-21 8:15 AM my sister in law speaks "politely" to her daughter too.. She is 4 and I swear she is the spawn of the devil. No respect toward her parents and complete and total disregard for what anyone else (like her grandma) might ask her to do. Stop ASKING and start TELLING. Discipline if she doesn't listen. you are the boss and she is headed down a very naughty road!! I am not opposed to butt spanking either. She sounds like a nightmare.
Sorry if this sounds harsh. I mean my "niece" will straight up sit down and pee on the floor. She is just a total and complete brat. This is exactly what my daughter does......she peed on the bathroom floor 3 times yesterday when I was getting her bath ready.
No it's not the same. 16 months and 4 years having potty accidents I would not compare. Maybe the running water got the better of the 16 month old. I'd have had her sit on her potty while I ran her bath or have her sit there to start with and encourage her to go. While the 4 yr. old may have her emotional or developmental issues, IMO setting comparison aside, a 16 month old I would credit that more to urge. Think ahead, put her on the potty when the water is running, congratulate her for going if she goes. Rather than setting her up for failure, set it up for a hopefully positive learning experience on the potty. |
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Experienced Mouse Trapper
Posts: 3106
Location: North Dakota | ^^yes my babies never got their diaper off until they were going into the tub. Don't make this parenting thing so hard on yourself. |
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 Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | Years ago....I had a friend who had a child that was the "spawn of the devil". We couldn't go anywhere in public that the "child" wouldn't throw a fit.....laying on the ground, screaming, ripping clothes off of racks, etc. etc. etc......This mother had NEVER disciplined this child and also had never left her with anyone. One day, they had a family funeral and she asked if I would watch her for the day.........The very FIRST fit that she threw, I picked her up and took her to the back bedroom to STAY....EVERY time that she came out of the room, I put her back in it and told her that she couldn't come out UNLESS she behaved......her fit lasted about one half hour....Finally, she just wore herself out and said to me...."I be good"........No problems the rest of the day...
Fast forward to mother arriving to pick her up. She wanted something and mother told her no and she threw one h*ll of a fit....I just said her name quietly and she jumped up with "I be good"...... The mother looked astonished and asked if I had beaten her....I explained my actions. We NEVER had a problem with that child if I was around.......The lesson is that they have to LEARN that there are CONSISTENT consequences for their actions.....even at 16 months.
Edited by NJJ 2014-01-21 8:54 AM
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 Swiffer PIcker Upper
Posts: 4015
Location: Four Corners Colorado | NJJ - 2014-01-21 7:50 AM Years ago....I had a friend who had a child that was the "spawn of the devil". We couldn't go anywhere in public that the "child" wouldn't throw a fit.....laying on the ground, screaming, ripping clothes off of racks, etc. etc. etc......This mother had NEVER disciplined this child and also had never left her with anyone. One day, they had a family funeral and she asked if I would watch her for the day.........The very FIRST fit that she threw, I picked her up and took her to the back bedroom to STAY....EVERY time that she came out of the room, I put her back in it and told her that she couldn't come out UNLESS she behaved......her fit lasted about one half hour....Finally, she just wore herself out and said to me...."I be good"........No problems the rest of the day...
Fast forward to mother arriving to pick her up. She wanted something and mother told her no and she threw one h*ll of a fit....I just said her name quietly and she jumped up with "I be good"...... The mother looked astonished and asked if I had beaten her....I explained my actions. We NEVER had a problem with that child if I was around.......The lesson is that they have to LEARN that there are CONSISTENT consequences for their actions.....even at 16 months. This works amazingly well. And never ever yell. If you don't start yelling your kids will listen when you have something to say. I have two nephews who are terrible for their mom when she has them. but at my house they are perfect angels you'd swear I beat them till they are scared for their lives but I never have spanked or yelled at them. I just say what I mean and always follow through with the punishement. They are happier kids when they know their boudries. And so is mom. Good luck!
Edited by equussynergy 2014-01-21 9:02 AM
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 Expert
Posts: 2135
Location: Somewhere else | My mom would have wore my butt out if I acted like that. I didn't get my way if I threw a tantrum but I would get something to cry about. The older I got if I disrespected my parents I got to go cut my own hickory switch. This 'time out' & giving in don't work. Didn't hurt me one bit to get my butt wore out. Made me a better person for it. Can't stand these parents that give in & get disrespected like they do.
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 Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | The kindest thing you can do for a child is to be the tough mean mom when they need it. Tantrums do not deserve soothing words or back rubs. That's like feeding a treat to a horse that just bit you. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1079
| Tilt The Kilt - 2014-01-21 8:41 AM hoofs_in_motion - 2014-01-21 8:31 AM star1218 - 2014-01-21 8:15 AM my sister in law speaks "politely" to her daughter too.. She is 4 and I swear she is the spawn of the devil. No respect toward her parents and complete and total disregard for what anyone else (like her grandma) might ask her to do. Stop ASKING and start TELLING. Discipline if she doesn't listen. you are the boss and she is headed down a very naughty road!! I am not opposed to butt spanking either. She sounds like a nightmare.
Sorry if this sounds harsh. I mean my "niece" will straight up sit down and pee on the floor. She is just a total and complete brat. This is exactly what my daughter does......she peed on the bathroom floor 3 times yesterday when I was getting her bath ready.
agree can't compare with a potty trained kid and one that isnt. I was simply trying to make a point that things will get worse if you don't correct them now. there is nothing wrong with my niece other than the fact that she doesnt get disciplined and throws fits and just simply doesnt care ifyou ask her to do something. The going potty on the floor was once at Thanksgiving. not a chronic problem. |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | no advice from me (I have no kids), but hang in there mom! |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | barrelracr131 - 2014-01-21 9:20 AM no advice from me (I have no kids), but hang in there mom!
Well, I don't have any kids either lol......probably for the best..... |
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 IMA No Hair Style Gal
Posts: 2594
| I don't have kids, but I do work with them on a daily basis.
Consistency in classroom managment and confidence in your decisions are key-otherwise they are on you like a hound dog on a scent trail.
Since I don't have kids...take this part of my advice for what it is worth...
I understand you may not want to spank or hit or whatever, if that is the case....consider time out-and IGNORE her the entire time, even if she screams bloody murder, and don't be afraid to put her in time out in public either. If she does something bad-she needs to be punished right away regardless of location.
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 Coyote Country Queen
Posts: 5666
| Be firm in whatever you decide to do. I've got a 5 year old and a 3 year old, and what I've learned is that what works today might not work tomorrow. But whatever we do, we are firm and stand our ground. That's not to say that sometimes we fail, but we are quickly reminded because our children seem to take that lapse and run with it!
The hardest thing is that sometimes you are punishing yourself. Sometimes you've got to take one for the team! And usually it doesn't take more than a couple of times for them to realize you mean business. If my children are being naughty somewhere in public, I will give them a warning. I really like to do the 3 strikes and you're out. I think it's understandable for a child to make a mistake, but if they are asked to stop and they don't then they will get the promised punishment. And if it's really bad behavior they don't get 3 strikes, they get 1 warning. There have been times when we've walked away from family get-togethers, dinners at restaurants, and shopping. It stinks for you as the parent to miss out on those things, but hopefully your child will learn really quick that if they misbehave you are leaving.
Figure out a time-out situation that works for your child's personality. My children hate being put in their room (they don't regularly play in there, they are usually in the living room). So if they throw a tantrum, I pick them up, put them in their room, and tell them they can't come out until they are ready to behave like a big kid. When they are acting out like this it is because they are wanting attention. And when you give them attention you are reinforcing the bad behavior. Don't acknowledge it.
At that age, I remember we were having troubles with our oldest hitting. What worked the best at that age was to look him in the eye and tell him not to hit. Man, he hated being looked in the eye, that really got to him. And like was already mentioned, don't ask - TELL. If you ask, you are giving them the option, don't give them an option. Either they do what they are told, or there is a punishment.
Good luck! Parenting is the most rewarding and hardest job you'll ever have! |
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Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | Tilt The Kilt - 2014-01-21 8:41 AM hoofs_in_motion - 2014-01-21 8:31 AM star1218 - 2014-01-21 8:15 AM my sister in law speaks "politely" to her daughter too.. She is 4 and I swear she is the spawn of the devil. No respect toward her parents and complete and total disregard for what anyone else (like her grandma) might ask her to do. Stop ASKING and start TELLING. Discipline if she doesn't listen. you are the boss and she is headed down a very naughty road!! I am not opposed to butt spanking either. She sounds like a nightmare.
Sorry if this sounds harsh. I mean my "niece" will straight up sit down and pee on the floor. She is just a total and complete brat. This is exactly what my daughter does......she peed on the bathroom floor 3 times yesterday when I was getting her bath ready.
her dad helps out alot, but when I get upset or frustrated by the things she does, he always tells me to "lighten up she is a baby, she doesn't know any better." His mom spoils her, and he doesn't really watch her. He will pick her up from daycare once every two weeks, and watch her until I get off...but that is about it.
It's hard, I don't know what to do...I hate having to do this alone
Edited by hoofs_in_motion 2014-01-21 9:35 AM
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 A Barrel Of Monkeys
Posts: 12972
Location: Texas | I learned not to react to fit throwing. I left them on the floor rolling around and went about my business. They learned it didn't get them anywhere. That was my baby reaction. As they got older, the discipline grew to match the "crime". |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| I have 4 a year apart and learned quick to follow through- no empty threats, if I said it I meant it. What did you do at the birthday party when she screamed and hit you? If that were one of mine I would have picked her up and gone home telling her she had to stay home till she can behave- no discusssion- just a statement. You do not discuss or ask- you state that is not acceptable and if you do it again this will happen and do it and do not feel bad. We would take our 4 litle ones to eat, tell them what we expected of their behavior and the consequences. There were 2 times one of us sat in the car with the rowdy one while the others enjoyed a special dinner, after that, never had a problem. Kids will have power struggles with you and they need the comfort and security that comes from a parent who is in charge and knows how to control them. Getting tough may make it worse before it gets better but it will get better. She has had a long time to deveope this attitude so it wil take time to undo. Love without discipline is not good. I was taking my 4 to an expensive theme park and they were continually picking and fighting on the way. They had a couple of warnings to stop or we were going home, I was not spending that kind of money for them to act like that. Third time and I turned the car around and went home- they didn't say a word and every outing after that was a pleasure.
I also thought it was easier with my brood of 4. They fought with each other and not me. When out running errands if a couple were getting a little wild I would say something to the nice quiet ones of how proud I was of them and couldn't wait to tell Daddy. That usually brought the others around. Be sure to recognize the good behavior.
I had one daughter who really liked to try me and I continually told myself that her strong personality was a good thing and would benefit her when she was older- ain't nobody going to mess with her :).
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I Really Love Jeans
Posts: 3173
Location: North Dakota | Just remember you are not your childs friend. At this age you need to demand respect from your child or you will have 10 times the trouble as she gets older. If she hits you hit her back, not hard enough to really hurt her just enough to sting her skin and it will not take long before she stops hitting. When she screams at home ignore her, leave the room, don't talk to her or even look at her. Again it will not take long before she learns screaming will not get her anyting. If she screams in a store ignore it, don't give her your phone just keep walking until she stops, do not leave the store until she stops, ignore all the people. She will learn that she gains nothing by screaming or hitting. Don't give her a toy in her car seat, if she screams ignore her even turn the music up and again ignore her.
At this age you are building the foundation you will have to deal with the rest of your life and hers. I have always been very strict on my children but still very loving and supportive. I have a teenager now and every teacher thats has him says he is the most respectful young man they have ever had as a student. Now that he is older I can be his friend and he trusts me to ask me all the questions he has about life, he does this because he trusts me but also respects me because he knows he can't get away with stupid stuff with me!! |
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 Dog Resuce Agent
Posts: 3459
Location: southeast Texas | Is there a church you attend? Scan the congregation for well behaved kids. See who theirs parents , grandparents are. Attach yourself to these people and let them mentor you. |
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Experienced Mouse Trapper
Posts: 3106
Location: North Dakota | angelica - 2014-01-21 9:41 AM Just remember you are not your childs friend. At this age you need to demand respect from your child or you will have 10 times the trouble as she gets older. If she hits you hit her back, not hard enough to really hurt her just enough to sting her skin and it will not take long before she stops hitting. When she screams at home ignore her, leave the room, don't talk to her or even look at her. Again it will not take long before she learns screaming will not get her anyting. If she screams in a store ignore it, don't give her your phone just keep walking until she stops, do not leave the store until she stops, ignore all the people. She will learn that she gains nothing by screaming or hitting. Don't give her a toy in her car seat, if she screams ignore her even turn the music up and again ignore her.
At this age you are building the foundation you will have to deal with the rest of your life and hers. I have always been very strict on my children but still very loving and supportive. I have a teenager now and every teacher thats has him says he is the most respectful young man they have ever had as a student. Now that he is older I can be his friend and he trusts me to ask me all the questions he has about life, he does this because he trusts me but also respects me because he knows he can't get away with stupid stuff with me!!
I would like to respectfully disagree with the highlighted statement. Please do not ignore your screaming child in public, it makes me crazy when I see this, it is not up to the public to reprimand your child. A quick trip to the bathroom with a few stern words or whatever, might work if it doesn't work, go home. Sorry, I think the parents are absolutely crazy that ignore this type of behavior in a store/public. Raise them at home. |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | You have gotton tons of good advice on here, so none from me... Just wanted to send you a hug, you need many  being a parent is hard and you need some me time, find a church that has daycare so you can have some me time. Are you a single mom? |
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Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | LMS - 2014-01-21 9:54 AM angelica - 2014-01-21 9:41 AM Just remember you are not your childs friend. At this age you need to demand respect from your child or you will have 10 times the trouble as she gets older. If she hits you hit her back, not hard enough to really hurt her just enough to sting her skin and it will not take long before she stops hitting. When she screams at home ignore her, leave the room, don't talk to her or even look at her. Again it will not take long before she learns screaming will not get her anyting. If she screams in a store ignore it, don't give her your phone just keep walking until she stops, do not leave the store until she stops, ignore all the people. She will learn that she gains nothing by screaming or hitting. Don't give her a toy in her car seat, if she screams ignore her even turn the music up and again ignore her.
At this age you are building the foundation you will have to deal with the rest of your life and hers. I have always been very strict on my children but still very loving and supportive. I have a teenager now and every teacher thats has him says he is the most respectful young man they have ever had as a student. Now that he is older I can be his friend and he trusts me to ask me all the questions he has about life, he does this because he trusts me but also respects me because he knows he can't get away with stupid stuff with me!! I would like to respectfully disagree with the highlighted statement. Please do not ignore your screaming child in public, it makes me crazy when I see this, it is not up to the public to reprimand your child. A quick trip to the bathroom with a few stern words or whatever, might work if it doesn't work, go home. Sorry, I think the parents are absolutely crazy that ignore this type of behavior in a store/public. Raise them at home.
I've actually done that, sorry. When I'm an hour from home buying groceries, I am not going to let my screaming baby send me home without food. Once they're old enough to know better, that's different. People just had to put up with us and yep, I got some dirty looks, but I had other people cheer me on. Neither one of mine tried that very many times because they got nothing out of it. Not positive attention or negative. Ignoring works really well at that age. |
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Experienced Mouse Trapper
Posts: 3106
Location: North Dakota | Three 4 Luck - 2014-01-21 10:01 AM LMS - 2014-01-21 9:54 AM angelica - 2014-01-21 9:41 AM Just remember you are not your childs friend. At this age you need to demand respect from your child or you will have 10 times the trouble as she gets older. If she hits you hit her back, not hard enough to really hurt her just enough to sting her skin and it will not take long before she stops hitting. When she screams at home ignore her, leave the room, don't talk to her or even look at her. Again it will not take long before she learns screaming will not get her anyting. If she screams in a store ignore it, don't give her your phone just keep walking until she stops, do not leave the store until she stops, ignore all the people. She will learn that she gains nothing by screaming or hitting. Don't give her a toy in her car seat, if she screams ignore her even turn the music up and again ignore her.
At this age you are building the foundation you will have to deal with the rest of your life and hers. I have always been very strict on my children but still very loving and supportive. I have a teenager now and every teacher thats has him says he is the most respectful young man they have ever had as a student. Now that he is older I can be his friend and he trusts me to ask me all the questions he has about life, he does this because he trusts me but also respects me because he knows he can't get away with stupid stuff with me!! I would like to respectfully disagree with the highlighted statement. Please do not ignore your screaming child in public, it makes me crazy when I see this, it is not up to the public to reprimand your child. A quick trip to the bathroom with a few stern words or whatever, might work if it doesn't work, go home. Sorry, I think the parents are absolutely crazy that ignore this type of behavior in a store/public. Raise them at home.
You make a very valid point, I should add, do not let them scream for hours in public. Sorry, was just thinking of the one that seemed to follow me around walmart the last time I was there, kid was screaming when I walked in, while I shopped and as I walked out, 45 minutes later  A little fit every now and then is fine, but this kid was on fire. |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Three 4 Luck - 2014-01-21 10:01 AM LMS - 2014-01-21 9:54 AM angelica - 2014-01-21 9:41 AM Just remember you are not your childs friend. At this age you need to demand respect from your child or you will have 10 times the trouble as she gets older. If she hits you hit her back, not hard enough to really hurt her just enough to sting her skin and it will not take long before she stops hitting. When she screams at home ignore her, leave the room, don't talk to her or even look at her. Again it will not take long before she learns screaming will not get her anyting. If she screams in a store ignore it, don't give her your phone just keep walking until she stops, do not leave the store until she stops, ignore all the people. She will learn that she gains nothing by screaming or hitting. Don't give her a toy in her car seat, if she screams ignore her even turn the music up and again ignore her.
At this age you are building the foundation you will have to deal with the rest of your life and hers. I have always been very strict on my children but still very loving and supportive. I have a teenager now and every teacher thats has him says he is the most respectful young man they have ever had as a student. Now that he is older I can be his friend and he trusts me to ask me all the questions he has about life, he does this because he trusts me but also respects me because he knows he can't get away with stupid stuff with me!! I would like to respectfully disagree with the highlighted statement. Please do not ignore your screaming child in public, it makes me crazy when I see this, it is not up to the public to reprimand your child. A quick trip to the bathroom with a few stern words or whatever, might work if it doesn't work, go home. Sorry, I think the parents are absolutely crazy that ignore this type of behavior in a store/public. Raise them at home.
All of us that had little ones {mine are grown now think goodness,lol} know how the moms feel when they have a screaming baby, I always feel for the mom. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1094
Location: Idahome | All very good advice. You are not going to always be her friend, but her parent. My daughter is 19 months old and she learned early on what time out was. Lately, I just ask if she wants time out and she will stop the tantrum. When she hits or kicks I usually flick her in the head to show her how it feels. Time out works well for her right now, but only for a couple of minutes. Their attention span is too short to sit for long. When in public, I am not opposed to going to the bathroom or to the car when needed to have "a talk." Hang in there and don't worry about hurting her feelings, she will be over it in 2 seconds. You can be stern when you need to.
This was a good article I read yesterday: http://www.forbes.com/sites/kathycaprino/2014/01/16/7-crippling-par... |
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Expert
Posts: 1586
Location: west of East Texas | This is the age that mine started getting 'banished'. I tried spanking a few times but with the oldest one the spanking reaction was worse and lasted longer than the tantrum. I found it much more productive to remove her from the scene and not let her return until she was in a 'happy face'. Within a couple months, she would still occassionally start to have a tantrum but I could just point and she'd go to another room or she'd scale it back down. I told her she could cry and scream all she wanted but not with me, go somewhere else. It kind of took all the fun out of the fit.
As far as in public, please, please don't just keep on with your shopping. Not only for the other people's sake, but for hers too. She needs a change of scenery. Find a restroom, or go to the parking lot, and let her wind down away from the crowd.
Hitting you - stop that little hand before it touches you. Grab both arms and bring them together like praying. Go ahead and say a prayer or two since you're in position anyway. Hold them as long as she's still swinging. Turn her around and set her a foot away from you. Be faster than her now while you still can. I send you lots of hugs and prayers. I had a demon child for a while and the dad was no help either. I finally had to change to a nearly zero tolerance stance and let her be responsible for her own mood. It was brutal for a while but not any uglier than the tantrum phase. Stay Strong!
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 Don't Need Sugar Coating
Posts: 1183
Location: AR & OK | I think you would benefit by watching these videos.
How to implement a routine and use the naugthy step.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DONNgEBAlSE
How to deal with tantrums .
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0DUiAwATgg |
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Don't Need Sugar Coating
Posts: 1183
Location: AR & OK | Limit her time with people who spoil her.
After you have gotten her respect and she obeys you then you can slowly allow others into her life.
Do not back down if anyone disagrees with you.
Ask your husband to back you up but do not rely on him.
He is going to be watching to see if you get her under control.
The reason I say that because he sounds like a good father but takes the easy way out.
So your example before him will help get him on board.
Never get angry... Remember you are the parent and giggle inside a bit because she does not get to parent you.
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 Chicken Chick
Posts: 3562
Location: Texas | Just think, when you get her under control you get to use "the look", most amazing thing ever lol.
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 Miss Laundry Misshap
Posts: 5271
| I didn't go anywhere for the first 2 years of my life. I was the demon child. My parents stopped taking me places because I was a hellion. In the grocery store line I'd want a candy bar, I'd scream and scream. My mom would state if I would calm down I'd get the bar. I don't think I ever got a candy bar.
My mom tried the "send her to her room to time out" thing. I pulled out all of the drawers and piled clothes and papers in the middle of the floor. I was quiet though! LOL
I got Spanked for the bedroom ordeal. As well as a few others, like standing the middle of the road when I was told not to go near it. I was also slapped across the mouth when was a teenager because my mouth got the better of me. Because I knew respect, I stopped my mouth and certainly remember getting whacked across the face. Just once! But I sure remember it!
YOU are the adult. YOU know right from wrong. She doesn't. You will have to be her teacher, but you have to stand firm. A swat now and again, as well as sound punishment (my threat was always "NO HORSES if you do that". It worked!) Your daughter will come around. If she screams, she screams, but she doesn't get to go anywhere until she can control herself. If she screams in the store, stand your ground. Good Luck! |
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 Sweet Tea
Posts: 3496
Location: Home of the World Famous "Silver Bullet" | beat her ash !! before its to late !! we don't spank at our house, we beat the hell out of them. i don't care what other people think !!!! |
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Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | I do swat her butt, she acts like I'm murdering her though! She will throw herself on the ground dramatically and lay there crying, if I ignore her than she is fine....but once I look at her she will scream harder! |
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Industrial Srength Barrel Racer
Posts: 7268
| OMG - I feel SORRY for you! This is reason #15616544513 why I didn't have kids! Are there any parenting classes there you could take? I think the help of a pro might do good. Gawd, I would be in jail for child abuse if I had to deal with this! (Yes, I am terrible)! |
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Chicken Chick
Posts: 3562
Location: Texas | Our mom was not against pulling the car over (not just telling us she would), and whooping us. If we were going to ride horses and we misbehaved on the way, we sat and watched everyone else ride. One time I thought it would be funny to hide in the clothes racks at the store. (This was when everyone was freaking out over kids being abducted etc). I stayed close to them, but thought it was so funny that they were walking around calling for me almost frantically and I was hiding so well lol. I finally came out and got my butt whooped with a belt by my uncle right there in the store.... I still remember which store it was.
If we screamed at her, yelled at her, smarted off, or cussed we got popped in the mouth right then. Granted we were older then 2, I doubt she started off with the mouth popping... but we weren't much older.
My little sister had a phase when she was around 2 where she would lay down and kick and scream if she didn't get what she wanted at the store. My mom would bust her and put her in the basket and tell her she had to ride in the basket until she started being a big girl, it only took a few times before she didn't throw fits anymore.
Really though, we were well behaved kids and we knew that mom meant business. If we went to someone's house and she told us to sit on the couch and mind our manners... we sat there silent until it was time to leave. Afterward she would usually take us for ice cream or whatever, but that was never part of the deal. The deal was, if you are good you won't get your butt whooped... any other treats are because I am your mother and I love you lol. Bribery was not her thing... |
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Miss Laundry Misshap
Posts: 5271
| hoofs_in_motion - 2014-01-21 12:59 PM I do swat her butt, she acts like I'm murdering her though! She will throw herself on the ground dramatically and lay there crying, if I ignore her than she is fine....but once I look at her she will scream harder!
My dear, she has you whooped.
She knows when she deserves it. She knows when she can make you feel sorry for her. She's old enough to understand most language. Tell her that screaming will not change your mind. She will only get what she wants when she behaves. By giving in when she cries harder, you teach her manipulation. She's already becoming a master at 16 mo. Don't give in. |
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Expert
Posts: 1543
Location: MI | Hey Hoofs, you've gotten a lot of good advice on here, I'll try not to duplicate too much. Good for you for trying so hard, and asking questions - what works for one won't work for another, but generally if you get 2 or 3 different ideas 1 may work. One major thing to remember is NOT to take it personally. It's so hard sometimes, but believe it or not, most of the time a 16 month old isn't doing it "just to pi** you off", like my husband may think, lol. They are generally just testing limits. I had a history with sensory integration and how environments and etc. affect kids, so it was easier for me to look outside of the child and ask "is there anything else that is going on that is affecting this child?"
Sleep is imperative to good behavior, as well as food. If my kids are hungry or tired, they will turn into burning heathens. It helps me 'deal' with them in a less personal way, realizing this, although they are reminded and disciplined if they continue to act ugly as they are not allowed to act ugly even if they are tired or hungry.
My oldest daughter has a strong personality. I heard somewhere that the characteristics of our children that make us cry when parenting, are often the characteristics that God uses when they are older to make them who He needs them to be. I totally agree with this, lol. When my oldest dd was potty training, about the same age as your dd, we had 1 big 'fight' about using the potty, and then she was fine. When she moved into a toddler bed, same thing. We let her choose between her crib and her toddler bed for a while, but her sister was coming soon and I needed her to sleep in the toddler bed. She was totally testing me the whole time. There was 1 nap time where I spent 1-2 hours putting her down, she screamed and cried and tried to get out of her room. Then finally she went to bed and I had no problems with it after that. We were camping once about that same age and I asked her to apologize for something she said or did to her cousin, I don't even remember now! I sat in the camper for at least 45minutes with her crying because she was refusing. Then finally she decided that she would, and apologized and was able to go play.
Stick your guns mama. It doesn't mean being mean, just quietly definite. Feel free to PM if you need to chat or get anything off your chest, sometimes it's just talking about it that helps :) Many hugs!!! |
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Chicken Chick
Posts: 3562
Location: Texas | Nateracer - 2014-01-21 1:17 PM hoofs_in_motion - 2014-01-21 12:59 PM I do swat her butt, she acts like I'm murdering her though! She will throw herself on the ground dramatically and lay there crying, if I ignore her than she is fine....but once I look at her she will scream harder! My dear, she has you whooped.
She knows when she deserves it. She knows when she can make you feel sorry for her. She's old enough to understand most language. Tell her that screaming will not change your mind. She will only get what she wants when she behaves. By giving in when she cries harder, you teach her manipulation. She's already becoming a master at 16 mo. Don't give in.
My son can sometimes be quite dramatic, a splinter in his foot will have him limping for a week. lol
When he gets spanked, he is going to cry I understand that. If he thinks he is going to throw an all out fit I tell him he is going to get another if he doesn't dry it up and stop acting like that. If he keeps going, he gets another and I make sure he knows why he is getting another.
Discipline is so hard because they always seem to know when you are exhausted and just want them to be good for 10 minutes. That is the time they usually pull out all the stops because they think they can get away with it. They also know what pulls at your heart strings the most, and they will try it if it means they can do what they want and not get in trouble. You can't let them though.
Whatever discipline you choose, stick with it. Even when you just want to give up. |
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 Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | I don't have kids so I don't have advice.....but spanking? All I can say is thank God there a still parents with some sense left In them. And thank God for spanking :). My mother always told me God made rear ends just for spankings. I believed her so I never found out if it was true. But seriously glad to see parents that do think spanking is ok when I've been surrounded by people that refuse to discipline their children.
OP, here's a cyber hug because I can't imagine how you feel |
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Expert
Posts: 1543
Location: MI | Honestly, a lot of times I had to remind myself that if she wasn't crying, I wasn't doing it right...
(not in an abusive way, at all, but I know that by her crying, the discipline was affecting her)
ETA - most of the time we got to this point by time outs, short reminders, and sticking to our guns. We don't spank, generally, unless it is a situation when I fear for their safety and need to make a strong point.
Know your limits - some parents can spank and be ok, some can't for whatever reason. If you feel the anger taking hold of you, please don't spank!
Edited by Ridenrun4745 2014-01-21 2:08 PM
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1074
| I agree with spanking her. You've got to show her that you are the authority and she is not. With my strong-willed child, it takes a spanking, time-out and removal of toy. She knows we mean business and if we say no, it's no. We've walked out of stores without her toys or whatever she wanted, we've thrown toys away in front of her and she gets her butt torn up if she acts like that. You definitely want to get it under control before she gets any bigger or your problems will only multiply. You can do it. Hang in there! |
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 Sock eating dog owner
Posts: 4557
Location: Where the pavement ends and the West begins Utah | When she does that at home , turn on the shower on cold only pick her up throw her in the shower clothes and all and walk away. When she does it at the barn pick her up and drop her butt and all into the water trough. That will cool her tamtrum and give you a whole lot of respect with out the butt beating. Then when she doesn't acknowledge you dump her in the nearest drink. She will starti talking to you instead of screaming. Just a few times and she'll think twice. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 822
Location: Southwest New Mexico | cow pie - 2014-01-21 1:11 PM
When she does that at home , turn on the shower on cold only pick her up throw her in the shower clothes and all and walk away. When she does it at the barn pick her up and drop her butt and all into the water trough. That will cool her tamtrum and give you a whole lot of respect with out the butt beating. Then when she doesn't acknowledge you dump her in the nearest drink. She will starti talking to you instead of screaming. Just a few times and she'll think twice.
that sounds worse than a butt whoopin!! |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 300
Location: Mayberry | I am glad to read that there are still those out there that believe in a good old fashioned spanking! I think that if kids know right off the bat you mean business that they are less likely to behave like brats. The most effective way I used to control bad behavior in public is the ear pull. It is quiet and highly effective, you calmly reach down and grab the ear between the thumb and forefinger and give a firm tug. It doesn't take long for kids to learn the louder they squeal the harder you pinch, after a couple of times all you will have to do is threaten and they reform quickly. I don't think my kids have had more than 2 or 3 spankings in their lives and they are 7 and 13, but they also understand that bad behavior will result in punishment. I think so many are afraid to discipline their kids in public and are afraid of being reported for child abuse we are creating a society filled with rotten little children that have absolutely no RESPECT for themselves or others. |
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Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | Haha! The ear pull works wonders on my 8 year old. |
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Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | cow pie - 2014-01-21 2:11 PM When she does that at home , turn on the shower on cold only pick her up throw her in the shower clothes and all and walk away. When she does it at the barn pick her up and drop her butt and all into the water trough. That will cool her tamtrum and give you a whole lot of respect with out the butt beating. Then when she doesn't acknowledge you dump her in the nearest drink. She will starti talking to you instead of screaming. Just a few times and she'll think twice.
I never thought about that, I'll try that this evening.
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Swiffer PIcker Upper
Posts: 4015
Location: Four Corners Colorado | hoofs_in_motion - 2014-01-21 1:46 PM cow pie - 2014-01-21 2:11 PM When she does that at home , turn on the shower on cold only pick her up throw her in the shower clothes and all and walk away. When she does it at the barn pick her up and drop her butt and all into the water trough. That will cool her tamtrum and give you a whole lot of respect with out the butt beating. Then when she doesn't acknowledge you dump her in the nearest drink. She will starti talking to you instead of screaming. Just a few times and she'll think twice. I never thought about that, I'll try that this evening.
Honestly I'd just try following through with timeout and not letting her out till she wants to be good. The last thing you want is to do get her scared of baths. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1094
Location: Idahome | missroselee - 2014-01-21 12:37 PM I don't have kids so I don't have advice.....but spanking? All I can say is thank God there a still parents with some sense left In them. And thank God for spanking :). My mother always told me God made rear ends just for spankings. I believed her so I never found out if it was true. But seriously glad to see parents that do think spanking is ok when I've been surrounded by people that refuse to discipline their children.
OP, here's a cyber hug because I can't imagine how you feel
I love this and will have to keep it in mind. We may have to add that line with Santa, Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy are all real. |
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Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | I was just thinking--I know, scary--and don't feel like the Lone Ranger here. If we're honest, we have all been in a situation with one of our kids where we have to take a step back and admit what we're doing isn't working and needs to change. I applaud you for admitting that there is an issue you need to address differently and asking for help. |
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Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | Three 4 Luck - 2014-01-21 2:45 PM Haha! The ear pull works wonders on my 8 year old.
I had to laugh outloud at this one....my youngest son (who is in his 40s) still says that one ear is longer than the other from where I tugged him out of the stores by the ear for being bad........He knew that IF I grabbed his ear and used his first and middle name that he was "In big trouble"......LOL |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | NJJ - 2014-01-21 3:00 PM Three 4 Luck - 2014-01-21 2:45 PM Haha! The ear pull works wonders on my 8 year old. I had to laugh outloud at this one....my youngest son (who is in his 40s) still says that one ear is longer than the other from where I tugged him out of the stores by the ear for being bad........He knew that IF I grabbed his ear and used his first and middle name that he was "In big trouble"......LOL
Ha ha ha ha ha,, now thats funny. I would give my boys the look from hell, then all would be quite....  |
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Experienced Mouse Trapper
Posts: 3106
Location: North Dakota | Three 4 Luck - 2014-01-21 2:55 PM I was just thinking--I know, scary--and don't feel like the Lone Ranger here. If we're honest, we have all been in a situation with one of our kids where we have to take a step back and admit what we're doing isn't working and needs to change. I applaud you for admitting that there is an issue you need to address differently and asking for help.
Oh absolutely, daily battle of wills, my daughter is 11, while she is a great kid, I still grind my teeth on occasion with her, I will be back in a couple years asking about how I should handle this teenager and her mood swings, I can only imagine! I want the OP to know that however, you were raised is only a reference, because I brought that up in my original post, I had no idea your situation as a child, which definitely can lead to some confusion and uncertainty on your part, I'm sure you wanted nothing more than a loving caring mother, and my dear that is what you are to your daughter! Keep working at it, this isn't easy, but it is so rewarding being a mom! |
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 Veteran
Posts: 138
Location: MS | I have a 16 month old as well. From the moment he came into this world he has been very impatient, short tempered, and dramatic.
When he first became mobile I would pop his hand when he was doing something he wasn't supposed to. That turned in to him popping at others when he got mad. I was afraid he was imitating me so I stopped the popping. When he started throwing fits I would just ignore it. I believe in spanking but felt he was a little to young at that point. A few months ago his temper tantrums got a little worse but not as bad you're talking about. He would stomp his feet (run in place) and scream. If he was sitting (like at a restaurant in a highchair) he would kick and scream. After dealing with this in public a few times I decided the ignoring part wasn't working and I started spanking his little bottom. The temper tantrums have drastically reduced in just a few short weeks. He still throws one every now and then but not near as dramatic as before.
He understands what spanking means & you can ask him if he wants one and he will usually calm down. They are much smarter and understand a lot more than we realize.
Prayers for you! I know how hard it is! |
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 Uh....never mind
Posts: 2696
Location: Midwest Farmer's Daughter: Central Illinois | Time out: age in years = number of minutes. So 1 minute, if you're wanting to go that route. Same as others said, if she gets up go put her back. Over & over & over until she gets it & every time you have to put her back, the time starts over.
If you choose to spank, make sure it's short, sharp & well-placed. Don't let your anger control the spanking. In fact, the worst thing ever is if they get put in time out to think about what they did & then get a spanking when they're calm to remind them of the consequences of their actions.
My aunt used to look at my cousin & say "isn't she funny" when she would do something TERRIBLE. Hitting her parents, 'spanking' the dog, kicking her sister, you name it. Violent little chit & she never got disciplined. Now she's a seriously disturbed teenager. Kinda creeps me out, actually. |
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 Road Rash Expert
Posts: 5501
Location: Near San Antonio, TX | I can only offer prayers. I imagine it is very frustrating. My advise would be is never show weakness. If you say you are going to do something... do it. There have been times while driving down the road that I have told my daughter if she didn't do whatever I was going to pull over and spank her. If she pushed me, I would pull over when I really didn't want to (traffic bad, running late, etc) but I had to do it if I said I was going to. I honestly have a very good kid. She is 5 now, and if I even so much as raise my voice, her crying/shakey voice response is always "yes ma'am..." I honestly don't think I would have the patience for a strong willed kid.
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 Expert
Posts: 3782
Location: Gainesville, TX | My sister has a one year old and a three year old. She spanks and sends them to the happy chair. They cannot leave the happy chair until they have a happy face. It is so funny to see my three year old nephew go plop his but down real quick as he's crying and then put on a smile in 2 seconds and go back to playing. It's like a happiness button.
And sad to say, but it's going to get worse. Best to get a handle on it now in some way. |
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 Neat Freak
Posts: 11216
Location: Wonderful Wyoming | You have lots of advice on here. Stay strong, don't try to make friends and stay consistent with your descipline is all that I agree with. We spank here at home. My oldest prefers it because it is over fast and he can continue to be a turd so he stands in the corner for LONG periods of time. The baby, 18 months old will break down and cry crocodile tears if you just tell him no. He is the easiest little guy I have ever been around. Loves to please.
There is a strategically placed pressure point in your shoulder, my dad knew it well. Kind of a hollow and he would grab us kids right there and drop us to our knees just with a quiet pinch. The pain is so intense you don't utter a word, much less cry. You also don't cry after because once he let go, you are too busy rubbing feeling back into it. Worked so well when standing in line at the grocery store or Wal mart. My brother and I (he was 6yrs younger) used to fight like crazy. He had 2 hands, one for each of us. :) |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 766
Location: Texas | I haven't read all the pages but my two boys are 16 months apart. They are now in their twenties. Youngest graduated Baylor oldest will graduate Texas A & M this May.
You can only imagine having two that close!! LOL but they are best friends.
When they were small, if we went to the store and they acted up, I would get about two hairs on to of their head and get their attention. If that didn't work, I would swat them right there. They would be more embarrassed than in pain....LOL Same as being in a restaurant... Don't let her hold you hostage by keeping you afraid of what she might do.
One thing I would always do, is be consistant. You have to stick to your guns, so to speak, and always be consistant.
When they got in trouble, I didn't lie and say I was going to get them, I got them.
There was times after "getting" them I would go to my room and cry too, but let me tell you, in the long run, you will be so glad you did.
I would also hug them, because when they look up at you with those big ole tears and with their heart broke, because they got into trouble, I would hug them then I would tell them that I love them but they should have not done, so and so. I never pushed them away.
That is one thing I hate to hear is a mom who continually tells their child that they are going to get in trouble. They let their child push them to the point of going too far instead of going ahead and taking care of it.
Anyway that is my 3 cents worth.
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | texas taz - 2014-01-21 4:34 PM I haven't read all the pages but my two boys are 16 months apart. They are now in their twenties. Youngest graduated Baylor oldest will graduate Texas A & M this May.
You can only imagine having two that close!! LOL but they are best friends.
When they were small, if we went to the store and they acted up, I would get about two hairs on to of their head and get their attention. If that didn't work, I would swat them right there. They would be more embarrassed than in pain....LOL Same as being in a restaurant... Don't let her hold you hostage by keeping you afraid of what she might do.
One thing I would always do, is be consistant. You have to stick to your guns, so to speak, and always be consistant.
When they got in trouble, I didn't lie and say I was going to get them, I got them.
There was times after "getting" them I would go to my room and cry too, but let me tell you, in the long run, you will be so glad you did.
I would also hug them, because when they look up at you with those big ole tears and with their heart broke, because they got into trouble, I would hug them then I would tell them that I love them but they should have not done, so and so. I never pushed them away.
That is one thing I hate to hear is a mom who continually tells their child that they are going to get in trouble. They let their child push them to the point of going too far instead of going ahead and taking care of it.
Anyway that is my 3 cents worth.
You look a lot younger in your Avatar picture...... |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 766
Location: Texas | |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) |  YAY!!!!! |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 597
| Kids are far from unintelligent, IMHO there are a lot of things that can be talked through with a child, there's no reason to go ballistic over every single thing they do, a prompt, measured response is ALWAYS the right way.
She runs into the arena, I step of my horse and say "Jane, it is not safe for you to be in here while I am riding, go play with your toys." If that doesn't work, take yourself over there and PUT her where she needs to be. "Stay here, where it's safe for you, you can't run in there, you're tiny and this horse could squish you like a bug, when I'm finished it can be your turn to ride, but you will not ride if you run into the arena again. Do you understand me?" If she does it again stop riding put her in the car, put your horse up and leave. If she's as horse crazy as my kids are this will hurt her feelings and maybe she will scream about it, then you explain that she made the choice not to listen and therefor doesn't get to ride.
Hugs girl! Mommyhood is hard, chin up, we all get discouraged and wonder if we are doing right by our munchkins!! But your daughter is in the second year of life "pushing boundaries" phase, it's tiring and trying, just set your boundaries and stick to your guns. You CAN do this! |
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Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | I've attached a video of get when we got to her grandma's house for dinner. This was takena few minutes ago.....notice how her fathers mother likes to give into herhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbEbH808uCY&feature=youtube_gdata_player |
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Expert
Posts: 1543
Location: MI | My kiddos go to their grandparents 3 days a week while a work - a different grandparent each day. A blessing, because it's free childcare and I LOVE that they get to know their grandparents, but yes, grandparents give in. I don't appreciate it, but I know they are loved and I WILL have well-behaved children in spite of this. I can't do anything about when I am not there, but when I am there, they know I expect respect and good manners, no whining, etc. That being said, when I go to pick them up after a long day of work, they are typically fried and try to whine/cry/be difficult to get in the car. It just happens...what I see in the video is a typical 16 month old. Just keep chanting, "This too, shall pass" :)
ETA - generally in those situations, if she was disobeying, I would carry my child in the other room and have a talk/time out/etc. with her, until she had calmed down and was going to listen. My mother-in-law couldn't stand to see them crying, so I would take them into the mud room/entry, shut the door, and have my 'talk'.
I agree, she sure is adorable!!
Edited by Ridenrun4745 2014-01-21 5:55 PM
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Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
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Good luck getting grandma to cooperate, lol. In this video she looks like she is having to work at being mad. Grandma us going to find it too hard not to give in, you will just have to remove her from the situation. She sure is a cutie!! |
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Member
Posts: 18
| First thing, DIET - NO JUNK FOOD - has she been tested for high blood sugar? My friends child was diagnosed with diabetes at age 5 and I swear that baby was the winiest thing I ever saw. Hitting only teaches hitting, yelling teaches them to yell, she is to old to have schooled her the easy way So now you have to look at it like retraining an older horse. I raised two boys both in college doing great! How skilled of a horse trainer are you? Only look at her when she is doing a good thing, she has you trained to give her attention for being bad. If you can't ignore bad behavior and praise good behavior you will have a tough 15 years coming. Get professional help but please don't hit or yell - it won't work - kids with spirit just get more aggressive when they are exposed to it. Good Luck It is all easier said than done. |
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Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | glideriders - 2014-01-21 5:56 PM First thing, DIET - NO JUNK FOOD - has she been tested for high blood sugar? My friends child was diagnosed with diabetes at age 5 and I swear that baby was the winiest thing I ever saw. Hitting only teaches hitting, yelling teaches them to yell, she is to old to have schooled her the easy way So now you have to look at it like retraining an older horse. I raised two boys both in college doing great! How skilled of a horse trainer are you? Only look at her when she is doing a good thing, she has you trained to give her attention for being bad. If you can't ignore bad behavior and praise good behavior you will have a tough 15 years coming. Get professional help but please don't hit or yell - it won't work - kids with spirit just get more aggressive when they are exposed to it. Good Luck It is all easier said than done.
Diet can have a huge impact on behavior, especially if there is an underlying issue. Experienced that first hand. Anyone with a child that has wild mood swings should look into blood sugar issues. My son has reactive hypoglycemia and he scared 10 years off my life during one of his crashes before we figured out the problem. |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | Roopsy! Just realized something on my drive home from work.....hope it's not too late :)Ummmm, back on page 1 where I said $3 for a clothes hanger, what I meant was $3 for a clothes line......you should not beat your kid with a clothes hanger......that would be bad......you can, however, pay me $3 and I will clothes LINE her. Hope that's all cleared up now and you aren't in jail. Best wishes :) |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 448
Location: lone star state | Love and Logic parenting has some helpful advice. Google them and you will find lots of info that I have found helpful.
Just keep in mind that there is no perfect parenting plan and you have to try things that work for you and your child. There is a lot of truth to the old saying "it takes a village to raise a child" |
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 I'm Here!!
Posts: 4583
Location: Is it Summer Yet? | tripleE - 2014-01-21 6:16 AM I'm sure it's not the "proper" thing to do, but my Mother used to say...if you're going to cry, I'm going to give you a reason to cry and she would bust my brothers b*tt.
I use this one often, my son did get spankings and time outs. not sure about spanking a 16 mth old but she sure can handle a time out. Just keep starting that clock over again, going to be frustrating as he**. We do 1 minute / year of age, since she's 16 mths I'd do 1.5 minutes. My sone is now 4 and we very rarely have to do spankings. he's never thrown temper tantrums like yours but I find when when he gets into that completely worked up stage, I need to remove him from the situation. Washrooms are our friend, I have picked him up and removed him from my parents house. I always let him go back when he calms down, but he is often told to pull himself together. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 602
| When your daughter acts out..... address it immediately. I think every kid will push you to the edge at one point. My daughter is coming 2 in March and she can be a handful sometimes. If your kid screams, hits, or bites do something about it. If you dont believe in spanking then put her in timeout. Kids act out when they want attention, if you shut off that attention for a few mins then they will straighten up. For example: If your daughter screams at the dinner table, ask her to use inside voice, she does it again, say "this is your last warning," she does it again then you follow up with your word and put her in timeout. Sit her in a chair and tell her to stay there, If she gets off the chair put her back on there. When time out is done (about 2 mins) get down to her level and tell her why she was put in time out. Let HER say sorry. Then go back to the dinner table. She starts screaming again....follow the same process. She will realize that you are in control. There's been times where I had to do timeout 2-3x during dinner. Same thing in restaurants or Grocery stores. Step outside or in a bathroom and let her know her behavior is not acceptable. (Dont feel guilty if someone sees you punishing your kid, its non of their business) Dont ever leave what you are doing..... then she knows she won the battle. I hope everything works out and remember to breath. |
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 Purveyor of unconventional wisdom
Posts: 17112
Location: CA | 2 things. check her foods. Sounds like a chemical imbalance. Less sugar, no soda's, more fruits and veggies. Might even be Gluten intolerant.
and she needs to know how to behave. If during dinner she acts up, put her in her room. She can't come out until she behaves. They get hungry eventially and will be good.
I did manner night at my house about once a week. We practiced for going to restaurants. They knew what was accepted and what was not. I never had issue with them, but after about 45 minutes they lost focus. Not really their fault they are kids after all.
If you are riding at an outside arena, she needs supervision. 16 months is too young to be left alone for any length of time.
I used to joke to my son's that if they misbehave I would beat them with a stick. I never had to spank my kids, but one day one of them acted up some in the grocery store and in the sweetest voice said, "mommy, you gonna beat me with a stick". The whole store got quiet, but I answered with,
no dear, I left it in the car. lol they crack up. but the people in the store didn't think it was very funny. lol |
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OT mom advice