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Member
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| I have some questions. I have been married for almost five years, my husband wants to have kids. But I am kinda scared. We can afford it, and I am not scared about being a parent, because I have been raising/taking care of my husbands cousin for two years now, she is 15. I do realize it is different with a baby. But my questions are where any of you ever scared? Like what if your baby is autistic? How would you handle that? Or just any health problems...maybe I'm just worrying tob much. Thanks! |
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 The BHW Book Worm
Posts: 1768
  
| I was horrified when I found out I was pregnant with my first. I loved children I just was not ready. Everything scared me but when it comes down to it that child who is not perfect even if they don't have major health or mental problems is your baby. The hubby and I are now expecting number 2 that is due in just a couple weeks and I still have all the same fears as you do and it's my second time around. Every mother has fears and if you get delt a tuff hand it will just make you a tuffer mommy.the unknown is always scary!!!!! |
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 Veteran
Posts: 253
Location: EDGE OF INSANITY | i was scared to death with both of my pregnancies. but if you try and wait until "the time is right, etc" it will never happen. both of mine were "uh ohs" and i'm glad they were, bc if it had been up to me, i would still be putting it off, making excuses lol. i'm also not a fan of the unknown, i'm a firm believer that if its meant to be, it will be no matter what we do to try and prevent it. i wouldn't trade my boys for anything |
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Member
Posts: 35
| Thanks so much! I feel so relieved. I literally thought I was the only one that worried. But now I feel better.. thank you thank you |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 464
| Everybody worries about that. Something would be wrong with a person that didn't worry. |
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 Hog Tie My Mojo
Posts: 4847
Location: Opelousas, LA | You are never really ready, lol.
That said, my kids are awesome and I wouldn't trade them for anything, love my boys! |
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 Expert
Posts: 1432
Location: Never in one place long | I have the same worries, why I've never had kids.... I'm not sure that I even want any, my husband does now but not me! I have WAY too many things I want to do.. I guess when I think I'm done and want to have a kid maybe I will.. someday..not anytime soon. Make sure that YOU want to have kids and not just him, you don't want to have regrets after you have them. :) |
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The BHW Book Worm
Posts: 1768
| DLV - 2014-01-22 9:10 PM
I have the same worries, why I've never had kids.... I'm not sure that I even want any, my husband does now but not me! I have WAY too many things I want to do.. I guess when I think I'm done and want to have a kid maybe I will.. someday..not anytime soon. Make sure that YOU want to have kids and not just him, you don't want to have regrets after you have them. :)
I agree with this in the aspect of if your not wanting them that is ok. Just because your married doesn't mean you have to have children. I always wanted babies we didn't plan the first one but he was a blessing ...The second we made sure I was pregnant around the most off part of the season |
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  Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | We were pregnant. Not planned but not exactly unplanned either :) We lost it at 3 months. Hubby wants to try again, me, I can't decided. Part of me wants to, then a bigger part just wants to be left alone so life can get back to normal......I do love children, but I never thought I would be one of the unfortunate to lose one...... |
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Member
Posts: 35
| Thanks for the replies! I'm not opposed to it, my friends always called me the mother of the group...but I just had my concerns...but i am also not trying for a baby either. If it happens, then ill be happy. Everything is in gods plan. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1034
| missroselee - 2014-01-22 9:32 PM
We were pregnant. Not planned but not exactly unplanned either :) We lost it at 3 months. Hubby wants to try again, me, I can't decided. Part of me wants to, then a bigger part just wants to be left alone so life can get back to normal......I do love children, but I never thought I would be one of the unfortunate to lose one......
:-( I'm sorry. There's really nothing anyone can say to make it feel any better, but knowing you're not alone in it and that you ARE strong enough to bear it may help you. Whatever you decide, and whatever your future brings, may it bring you and your hubby happiness. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 929
| roanhorsegirl - 2014-01-22 5:27 PM
Thanks so much! I feel so relieved. I literally thought I was the only one that worried. But now I feel better.. thank you thank you
Oh no...I am scared to death, too. Now I'm still scared of the actual pain but now that I'm older (34) and still a "maiden" I am afraid of complications and birth defects. So you are NOT alone, trust me. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 922
Location: Juntura, Oregon | My husband and I were wanting a baby and I was so excited to be pregnant...but then when I found out I was pregnant I was so scared! I thought...shoot!...what did I just do!?!? But you can't take it back, so pregnant I was! Now I have an 18 month old that is THE most amazing thing ever! And we are trying for #2...and I'm sure that my first thought will be...OH NO...how am I going to handle two?!?! But you know what...I will!
Everyone has to be scared somewhat I'm sure...it is probably the most positive life changing experiences you will have! Good luck! :) |
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 Chicken Chick
Posts: 3562
Location: Texas | I think everyone is scared about one thing or another about pregnancy, whether it is labor, your health, your babies health... or whatever else you can think of.
I didn't want kids, wasn't really a baby person. Love kids, just not the baby part lol. Then I got pregnant with my son. He is 9 years old and still the only baby I have ever held. With him, obviously I was worried about him coming out perfect... but really if he didn't, I wouldn't love him any less. The second thing I was worried about was labor... all anyone ever wanted to tell me was their labor horror stories that I really didn't appreciate. My labor with him wasn't half as bad as what I was told about.
I am now pregnant again. Hubby and I have been trying to get pregnant for 5 years, and now I am 32 weeks pregnant (still not looking forward to labor... but not scared). Even with this one, I worry about her health. I want her to be completely healthy, but if she is autistic or whatever... it isn't the end of the world. She will still be my child and I will love her regardless. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 963
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas. | pinx05 - 2014-01-22 11:27 PM
I think everyone is scared about one thing or another about pregnancy, whether it is labor, your health, your babies health... or whatever else you can think of.
I didn't want kids, wasn't really a baby person. Love kids, just not the baby part lol. Then I got pregnant with my son. He is 9 years old and still the only baby I have ever held. With him, obviously I was worried about him coming out perfect... but really if he didn't, I wouldn't love him any less. The second thing I was worried about was labor... all anyone ever wanted to tell me was their labor horror stories that I really didn't appreciate. My labor with him wasn't half as bad as what I was told about.
I am now pregnant again. Hubby and I have been trying to get pregnant for 5 years, and now I am 32 weeks pregnant (still not looking forward to labor... but not scared). Even with this one, I worry about her health. I want her to be completely healthy, but if she is autistic or whatever... it isn't the end of the world. She will still be my child and I will love her regardless.
When i found out i was pregnant i went to the er for a sever bladder infection couldnt go at all well doc asked is there any chance your pregnant i said oh no . and she said well i have to have blood drawled any ways so they did and like an 1 1/2 came and they finally came back and she said congrats and i look at her funny and she said your pregnant and my husband said your full of Sh** and i said huh lol. I was scared at first but when i realised it was very happy. |
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 Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | We have been trying for 6 months and still no dice. I am not scared of anything except the child's health. I will be completely honest and say that I don't know if I am strong enough to care for a child with disabilities, but if that is God's plan, we will do our best. That may be completely selfish of me to admit, but I think a lot of people think that. |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| I have 4 kids, the oldest had just turned 4 when I had my last one. I was nervous about having a healthy baby, especially having the thought of this next pregnancy will be my turn for something to go wrong, but had 4 healthy, fat babies. All were c-sections, I did not go into labor with any of them.
I absolutely do not think there is anything wrong or "selfish" as I heard it put, for not wanting kids. Having children for the wrong reasons is selfish. I have lots of childless friends who have happy very full lives. We met and married in 5 months and had our babies the first 4 years of our marriage. The youngest is now 20 and I am loving this next phase of it just being my husband and I. I am having no problems adjusting to the kids moving on out into the world. |
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 Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | We tried for a few months to get pregnant with the first, and when my test was positive, my first thought was OH CRAP, what have we done?!!!! LOL And I think it's totally normal to wonder, especially with the first one, if you could handle raising a child with issues. Because there is no way to explain to someone the love of a mother for her child.
Our second one was an oopsy, and the day I found out she was coming, I had lost my 2 year old son at Sea World--I mean seriously lost as in calling security and shutting down all the exits. My first reaction was to sit down and cry hysterically--I couldn't even take care of the one I had, how was I going to handle 2? When I was 4 months along, the little turd scared me to death again by having a seizure and stopping breathing several times. It's hard to live with your heart outside your body, but the joy and love they bring are worth the pain. |
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 Ima Fickle Fan
Posts: 3547
Location: Texas | Personally, I have never prayed harder than when I am pregnant. Your fears are totally normal. Getting pregnant changes so many things. While it is a scary time, it is also extremely exciting. Pregnancy and becoming a mom also turns you into the biggest worrywart. Things you never thought twice about turn into things you obsess and fear. It's crazy.
Fortunately, once they place that baby in your arms, everything seems right in this world. The love that fills you is unlike anything else you will ever experience. My mom was worried about me when I had my first son. Mainly because I've never been the one to play with dolls, etc. Once my son was born though, Mama Bear came out in force.
My oldest is now 4 and my second will be born c-section on Feb. 14. (Long story on the c-section this time.) Anyhow, your fears are completely normal. More than 99% of babies are born with no defects. Contrary to what people tell you, hitting 35 is not the scary, you'll have a Down's Syndrome baby age. I am 36 and the difference between me and a 25 y.o. having a healthy baby is less than 0.2%. And the chance of both of us having a healthy baby is greater than 99%.
God only gives us what we can handle. And even babies who have disabilities are loved beyond belief and are a blessing from God.
Only you will know when you are truly ready. As in baby fever is REAL. Even science has shown it exists. Once baby fever sets in, watch out. Babies will be the only thing you focus on. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1094
Location: Idahome | aggiejudger - 2014-01-23 7:44 AM Personally, I have never prayed harder than when I am pregnant. Your fears are totally normal. Getting pregnant changes so many things. While it is a scary time, it is also extremely exciting. Pregnancy and becoming a mom also turns you into the biggest worrywart. Things you never thought twice about turn into things you obsess and fear. It's crazy.
Fortunately, once they place that baby in your arms, everything seems right in this world. The love that fills you is unlike anything else you will ever experience. My mom was worried about me when I had my first son. Mainly because I've never been the one to play with dolls, etc. Once my son was born though, Mama Bear came out in force.
My oldest is now 4 and my second will be born c-section on Feb. 14. (Long story on the c-section this time.) Anyhow, your fears are completely normal. More than 99% of babies are born with no defects. Contrary to what people tell you, hitting 35 is not the scary, you'll have a Down's Syndrome baby age. I am 36 and the difference between me and a 25 y.o. having a healthy baby is less than 0.2%. And the chance of both of us having a healthy baby is greater than 99%.
God only gives us what we can handle. And even babies who have disabilities are loved beyond belief and are a blessing from God.
Only you will know when you are truly ready. As in baby fever is REAL. Even science has shown it exists. Once baby fever sets in, watch out. Babies will be the only thing you focus on.
I was going to say the same thing.
We had always wanted kids, but never really felt ready mentally or financially. Then had an oopsie. Turns out we are doing just fine and I wouldn't trade my daughter for anything in the world. She is such a joy to have in our lives and we are planning on another within the year. I believe everything happens for a reason and God knew we were ready and gave us our blessing.
Everyone is scared with their first wondering what kind of parent they will be, how pregnancy will be, etc. Trust me, it goes by so fast that you once the baby is born you will forget every worry you ever had. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 357
Location: Canada | I'm 24 and single so I'm not in a position where I will be truly considering having a child anytime soon but the idea of it terrifies me. Being pregnant, giving birth, and then the responsibility and sacrifices of being a parent is overwhelming and scary. I don't know if I'll always feel this way but I think it is normal to be unsure/worried of the unknown. |
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Veteran
Posts: 220
| I felt the same way before I got pregnant. I thought everything about it was miserable and gross. I saw nothing beautiful about any of it. I hated my body and the restrictions people were trying to place on me. I honestly never wanted kids because anything I saw people looked miserable, tired, and I wanted no part of that. I liked my freedom, sleep, and nothing tying me down. But I knew my husband wanted one so I took the jump and got pregnant. None of it was near as bad as I thought it would be, or how some women make it out to be. It really wasnt bad at all. And the delivery was not bad either. I just didnt like being pregnant period. I am going to give you the best honest answer. I love my daughter with all my heart and would not trade her for anything. But your life will never be the same and completly change. And until you are absolutly without a doubt ready to basically have your life revolve around that little bundle, do not do it until then. I went into post partum depression 4 days after delivery. My DR he has never diagnosed it that early but I had it for sure. I struggled with the fact of always needing help and everything I did revolved around someone else. But I have come a long way since then and love my daughter more than anything. Life is alot harder when it comes to doing anything but the when I see her smile and hear her giggle. It is all worth it. But I am one of those people I love my kid and only my kid. |
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Veteran
Posts: 220
| And yes, you are smart and completly normal for feeling that way. |
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Veteran
Posts: 220
| I agree with the statement God only gives you what you can handle, and I truely believe he gave me the child that was perfect for me. Because I had a friend who had a colicy baby and was up all night for almost a year. Not sure if I wouldnt be locked up on the funny farm at this point if my daughter was that way lol! |
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 Thread Killer
Posts: 7545
| Whit37 - 2014-01-23 10:45 AM I'm 24 and single so I'm not in a position where I will be truly considering having a child anytime soon but the idea of it terrifies me. Being pregnant, giving birth, and then the responsibility and sacrifices of being a parent is overwhelming and scary. I don't know if I'll always feel this way but I think it is normal to be unsure/worried of the unknown.
I'm only a little younger than you but I feel the same way.
OP, don't take what I am about to say to heart, it is only my opinion and perspective of myself. You are you and I am, well, me!
I don't know if I could do it - be a parent that is. The thought of it all absolutely terrifies me. I don't think I'd make a good parent at all. I like to do my own to thing and in general like to be left the heck alone. I don't know how or if I could handle giving up everything for a child. Talk about the ultimate invasion of privacy. LOL. I knew from a young age too. I didn't like playing with baby dolls, playing "house", or pretending pretending to be mommy. I never wanted to hold babies and still would rather not. I remember being a teeny bopper and avoiding babies like the plague while my cousins who were close to my age were falling all over themselves to have a chance at holding them. It is still like that, although much more awkward. I inadvertently offended my aunt not too long ago by declining to hold my newest cousin. He is about 16 months old now. He loves to pull hair and get into all sorts of mischief. He is adorable and funny to me - from a safe distance. LOL. I don't think child rearing should be done at a distance, and do not believe I'd be a good parent due to that and a myriad of other reasons.
ETA: I guess my point is to really get to know yourself, and to stand your ground with whatever you choose. It's not all sunshine and rainbows, and you have to love the whole experience. Not only that, but other people to make us doubt our choices all the time. If you have kids, you're selfish. If you don't have kids, you're selfish. If you don't like kids, you're evil and something is obviously wrong with you. If you like children you are required to have one or adopt....it's all silly BS. Only you know you, and only you should make the decision. DO NOT let anyone pressure you one way or the other. I hope that makes sense.
Edited by Just Plain Lucky 2014-01-23 11:18 AM
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 602
| The great thing about technology is that the doctor can determine the baby's health pretty quick while you are pregnant. You would be surprised how much you love your baby even if he/she does have a health issue. My daughter was born with hip dysplasia and that was determined within a few hours after birth. Within 24 after birth I had a specialist come take a look at her and he put her in a full body sling. (I cried alot because she couldnt move around alot) but I appreciate the steps we took to make sure she could live a normal life. We thought she would have issues crawling, walking, or running. Well she is almost 2 years old and you would never know she was born with a hip issue. Im greatful for medical research and technological advances. |
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 Money Eating Baggage Owner
Posts: 9586
Location: Phoenix | Just Plain Lucky - 2014-01-23 9:05 AM Whit37 - 2014-01-23 10:45 AM I'm 24 and single so I'm not in a position where I will be truly considering having a child anytime soon but the idea of it terrifies me. Being pregnant, giving birth, and then the responsibility and sacrifices of being a parent is overwhelming and scary. I don't know if I'll always feel this way but I think it is normal to be unsure/worried of the unknown.
I'm only a little younger than you but I feel the same way.
OP, don't take what I am about to say to heart, it is only my opinion and perspective of myself. You are you and I am, well, me!
I don't know if I could do it - be a parent that is. The thought of it all absolutely terrifies me. I don't think I'd make a good parent at all. I like to do my own to thing and in general like to be left the heck alone. I don't know how or if I could handle giving up everything for a child. Talk about the ultimate invasion of privacy. LOL. I knew from a young age too. I didn't like playing with baby dolls, playing "house", or pretending pretending to be mommy. I never wanted to hold babies and still would rather not. I remember being a teeny bopper and avoiding babies like the plague while my cousins who were close to my age were falling all over themselves to have a chance at holding them. It is still like that, although much more awkward. I inadvertently offended my aunt not too long ago by declining to hold my newest cousin. He is about 16 months old now. He loves to pull hair and get into all sorts of mischief. He is adorable and funny to me - from a safe distance. LOL. I don't think child rearing should be done at a distance, and do not believe I'd be a good parent due to that and a myriad of other reasons.
ETA: I guess my point is to really get to know yourself, and to stand your ground with whatever you choose. It's not all sunshine and rainbows, and you have to love the whole experience. Not only that, but other people to make us doubt our choices all the time. If you have kids, you're selfish. If you don't have kids, you're selfish. If you don't like kids, you're evil and something is obviously wrong with you. If you like children you are required to have one or adopt....it's all silly BS. Only you know you, and only you should make the decision. DO NOT let anyone pressure you one way or the other. I hope that makes sense.
I'm the same way. My worst nightmare is getting pregnant. I'm going to be he worst hypocrite if it actually happens. Luckily the hubby is on the same page as me. I'm terrified of it. There's no way I could be a good mother. Or that I could afford it, |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 357
Location: Canada | Just Plain Lucky - 2014-01-23 11:05 AM
Whit37 - 2014-01-23 10:45 AM I'm 24 and single so I'm not in a position where I will be truly considering having a child anytime soon but the idea of it terrifies me. Being pregnant, giving birth, and then the responsibility and sacrifices of being a parent is overwhelming and scary. I don't know if I'll always feel this way but I think it is normal to be unsure/worried of the unknown.
I'm only a little younger than you but I feel the same way.
OP, don't take what I am about to say to heart, it is only my opinion and perspective of myself. You are you and I am, well, me!
I don't know if I could do it - be a parent that is. The thought of it all absolutely terrifies me. I don't think I'd make a good parent at all. I like to do my own to thing and in general like to be left the heck alone. I don't know how or if I could handle giving up everything for a child. Talk about the ultimate invasion of privacy. LOL. I knew from a young age too. I didn't like playing with baby dolls, playing "house", or pretending pretending to be mommy. I never wanted to hold babies and still would rather not. I remember being a teeny bopper and avoiding babies like the plague while my cousins who were close to my age were falling all over themselves to have a chance at holding them. It is still like that, although much more awkward. I inadvertently offended my aunt not too long ago by declining to hold my newest cousin. He is about 16 months old now. He loves to pull hair and get into all sorts of mischief. He is adorable and funny to me - from a safe distance. LOL. I don't think child rearing should be done at a distance, and do not believe I'd be a good parent due to that and a myriad of other reasons.
ETA: I guess my point is to really get to know yourself, and to stand your ground with whatever you choose. It's not all sunshine and rainbows, and you have to love the whole experience. Not only that, but other people to make us doubt our choices all the time. If you have kids, you're selfish. If you don't have kids, you're selfish. If you don't like kids, you're evil and something is obviously wrong with you. If you like children you are required to have one or adopt....it's all silly BS. Only you know you, and only you should make the decision. DO NOT let anyone pressure you one way or the other. I hope that makes sense.
You just described me to a tee! Glad to know I'm not alone 
I always joke that if you give me a foal, calf, puppy, etc I know exactly what to do.... but hand me a baby human and I'm lost
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Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | You'd be surprised how much your instincts kick in. I looked at it a little differently tho. Not a baby person at all, but I figured they couldn't be too much different from puppies and horses.  |
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 Expert
Posts: 3534
Location: Stuck in a cubicle having tropical thoughts | This post reminds me of a quote from Ty Murray when he was talking about bull riding and fear. He said "You're never really ready, it's just eventually your turn". |
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 WOOO HOOO!
Posts: 2018
Location: CA | I just had my first baby last year. I was terrified.. not about starting a family or being able to afford it. Just the medicial aspect of it. I wanted my baby to healthy and perfect and I did everything I could possibly do to insure that. All you can do is take care of yourself and pray. I had one of those horror stories due to horrible doctors. I'm not trying to freak anyone out but you should prepare your self for anything because it's not a walk in the park. I lived in a hospital for weeks while my son was in the ICU. I was pretty sure I wouldn't be coming home with him. But I prayed, my family prayed.. They told me all the things that "would" be wrong with him but he continued to prove them wrong time after time. It was the hardest time in my life but I wouldn't change it.. He's a happy normal 4 month old, he's even advanced for his age. If you decide to have a baby educate yourself. Learn everything you can about pregnancy & Labor, including whats in vaccines and nutrition. Learning all you can seems to take some of the fear out of it. And when it comes down to labor and your hospital stay you can stay in control.
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 Expert
Posts: 2276
Location: ohio-in my own little world with pretty ponies :) | Everyone is different. for me, I honestly feel like I'm meant to be a mother. I've always felt like that and I cannot wait until the time is right for us to have a baby. Definitely not any time soon that's for sure but I don't feel scared or weird about it for some reason. My sister has had 2 kids and was nervous and worried both times...if you want it then do it. Don't do it because someone else wants you to. |
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 I'm Here!!
Posts: 4583
Location: Is it Summer Yet? | I don't remember being scared, I remember being stressed, the stress level was beyond high. I would recommend some how keeping the stress level down because I do think it has had an effect on my son. My son now has a fear of me leaving him, I do think this is something he developed when he was inside of me. All that stress couldn't be good for him.
But I will say those 9 mths of pregancy is the easiest it will ever be. Once that baby is born, it's just gets busier, that baby starts walking, then they start talking. Then they go to school, they start hockey. They make their own opinions, they share those opinions. They have an attitude. See where I'm going? Pregancy is the easy part. Sent you a PM too with more of my story. |
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pregnancy...