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boon
Posts: 4
| So, I have a 12 year old mare who has the sweetest personality. My friend Nicole has a mare similar in age who is also quite docile. Nicole and I have been good friends for over 12 years now. We sometimes travel together and even when we travel separately we usually spend the weekend together at races. We get stalls next to each other when possible. Our mares love each other. Whenever we are waiting on a race they will stand contently next to one another waiting for their turn to go whether it be warm-ups or our numbers are close enough together that we would be waiting at the same time. now naturally if our numbers draw far apart we do NOT bring the other horse just so the competing horse has company and the horse will stand or warm -up alone contently as well. now my horse as well as Nicole's horse will trailer alone and even when we remove one of the horse from their stalls the other horse will settle down after a minute or two without being majorly distressed. same goes for taking one horse off the trailer and leaving the other one tied. they do look for the other horse but go back to eating hay with -in a minute or so. Now, I have a friend Molly who practically yells at us every time she sees our horses near each other outside of the trailer or stalls saying its bad for them to be so close to each other and that their attachment is boarder line unhealthy. Now Molly is a very good rider and racer. She is always willing to give advice and her advice is always helpful however, sometimes she becomes really adamant about her beliefs in things such Nicole and I's horses being together. It makes us uncomfortable because we don't want her to get upset with us and of course everyone wants what is best for their horse, but sometimes I feel like its to much. It's more pressure being worried about her being angry then anything else. Let me take this time to point out that it does not in any way affect our runs. My horse has no gate or alley issues and her horse does not either and that is even if we are standing in the waiting/ holding area together. I just read an article written in -Barrel Horse News- by Charmanye James titled "Lose Those Labels" and Label # 4 is -I Hate This Horse Because... and in a quote from the paragraph below it says-Most horses have quirks, especially the top horses. Some may get jiggy at a rodeo or may buddy up with another horse. It's a fact that some of them do things to make your life a little bit more difficult.. and at the end states-Let that horse be who it is, at least with-in reason. Reading this is what caused me to write this and my two questions are What do you think about the situation between are to mares and if its not affecting performance or health is it ok and also how do I handle my friend Molly without hurting her feelings. All opinions are welcome but please be considerate and nice about your comments!! Thanks!!! |
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 Expert
Posts: 1631
  
Location: Somewhere around here | Wow that's quite a story there! Personally I believe it's alright for you and your friends mares to be together. Like you said, they don't have any issues or have to be by each other constantly then I don't see an issue. It's like having a good friend. It's pleasant when they are there but you don't NEED them to be by you. As for Molly, maybe just try to talk to her one on one about your concerns? She sounds like a helpful person and just wants to best for you two to win. Maybe she has dealt with things in the past that didn't go over well, like two horses NEEDING to be by each other and not just enjoying each others company. Also maybe tell her that you are more scared of getting her mad and it's too much for you. She might back off a little or start to think a little before she talks if you tell her about your concerns.
Hope everything turns out well!!  |
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Cold hands and Warm Heart
 
Location: oklahoma | it's only a problem if its an imaginary friend and or they won't leave each other to work. |
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 Serious Snap Trapper
Posts: 4275
Location: In The Snow, AZ | If it doesn't affect either horses performance, whether it be a run, separating for warm up, etc... I don't see why it matters? They don't sound herd sour. Just like the company of each other.
I also don't see how it affects Molly. I understand helpful tips and what not, but sometimes people are more useful with their mouths shut. |
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Married to a Louie Lover
Posts: 3303
| As long as they are okay when sepedated I think it's just fine! I hauled with a mare for a bit who my gelding was in love with. Ultimately I stopped offering to travel with her because they were obnoxious messes when we seperated them. They worked okay, but if you stopped moving they just stood and hollered for each other. Annoying as all get out.
Luckily the 2 mares we haul with now don't find him nearly as charming, although the one becomes a bit of a hussy when she's in heat towards him. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1367
Location: mi | My old mare used to need a buddy. When standing waiting to run she was just WAY more relaxed if she could buddy up with someone. And mind you when I say buddy up I was rubbing knees with the rider of the other horse. She did have a favorite mare that she prefered but really any would do. Once in a while it would take an agressive slap on the hiney to get her to leave when it was time to warm up for our run, but it never effected her in the pen and kept her WAY happier outside the pen so I lived with her quirk. If its not effecting their performance then it shouldn't be a problem for Molly. |
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I Really Love Jeans
Posts: 3173
Location: North Dakota | Sounds like Molly has a personality disorder not the horses! if you want to stop Mollys butting in/ the next time she comments tell her to keep her comments to herself or don't come around at all!!! |
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I AM being nice
Posts: 4396
Location: MD | Last summer, I moved my operation a few hours away, to a very dear friend's place for the summer months. I am quite removed from many of my students. Most times, we are only able to meet up at shows. The moved allowed me to work quite extensively with a couple of kids who were really ready to step up their game. My Paint mare is personality plus! She hates to be stalled anywhere other than off at a show. Due to the situation, she had to be stalled during the day, as it was unbearably hot. She is very attached to one of my friend's geldings. The way the barn is set up is that it is a center aisle barn, each horse having a window on the back of their stall, with 12' overhangs off each side of the barn. In the end, we put up a portable stall under the overhang, off of the back of the gelding's stall for my mare. Those two would spend the entire day either her with her head into his stall, or him poking his head out to her. It was funny and we got some weird looks, but the ponies were happy! |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1094
Location: Idahome | Does Molly understand that horses are herd animals? As long as it doesn't affect the performance or their behavior, I don't see a problem. Horses like to have buddies. It is in their makeup. |
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 Chicken Chick
Posts: 3562
Location: Texas | Next time you see Molly yell at her and tell her it is bad for you two to spend so much time together, even though there is no problem between you two and you still get your work done. Then ask her how much sense that makes lol.
Just kidding, but I really don't see how it is any of Molly's business, the owners of the 2 horses are fine with what is happening... and the horses are still working fine. |
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 Thread Killer
Posts: 7543
| I think Molly needs to spend some quality time with Mary Jane and chillax. As long as your horses refrain from being buddy sour and/or stupid about being apart, I see nothing wrong. Horses need other horses, after all. |
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Veteran
Posts: 260
Location: Gonzales texas | angelica - 2014-02-04 9:57 AM
Sounds like Molly has a personality disorder not the horses! if you want to stop Mollys butting in/ the next time she comments tell her to keep her comments to herself or don't come around at all!!!
This!!! Exactly what I was thinking ;) |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | I dont see a problem with the horses, but the problem I see is your friend Molly now thats the problem, tell her to mind her own business  |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | Offer Molly some Xanax |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | barrelracr131 - 2014-02-04 10:49 AM Offer Molly some Xanax
She needs it |
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 Regular
Posts: 56
Location: Alberta | I think Molly needs to keep her mouth shut. One year I hauled with my best friend 2-3 times a week all summer long so our geldings spent a lot of time together. They were the same way you and your friends mares are, they never had any problem being alone at the trailer or in the warm up pen. Both of them are really laid back and not much bothers them. As long as problems don't arise with them I don't see why you should change what you do just to make one person happy. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1218
Location: Great NW | If they act like discribed then Molly needs to take a chill pill. Horses are herd animals and yes they do form relationships and a support system. Your mares sound very stable - I would continue on as you are - go have fun. |
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 I Am Always Right
Posts: 4264
Location: stray dump capital of the world | I don't understand why it is any of Molly's business. I hauled my friend's daughter with me for years. I'm her second momma. Her horses live on my property and we tied whomever we were hauling next to each other at the trailer. Very common occurrence. I don't understand Molly's fixation. |
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boon
Posts: 4
| Thank you everyone! I really am glad to see that i'm not enabling bad behavior. I felt like getting other opinions would be helpful incase I was missing something but I do agree that they seem fine together!! Thank you! |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9991
Location: Kansas | I personally don't let anyone tell me what I need to do with my horse unless I'm paying you to train her. Tell molly to bite her tounge. As long as the mares can leave each other and work or run the pattern I don't see a problem at all. Your horse has to have a friend too. |
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| Or your post could of been titled "Our horses have a person problem." Barrel racers, or even horse people in general, tend to be very opinionated some to the point that they totally overstep their bounds and get into the business of others whether they have been invited to or not. It's something most of us have probably been guilty of at one time or another. And it is something that all of us have probably been the victim of many times over the years. Sometimes you just have to be strong enough to say to someone, plain and simple, "I understand what you are saying, BUT, these mares buddying-up really isn't a problem for us and doesn't bother us. If it was a problem we'd do something about it. We're having a good time, their having a good time and all is well." If that doesn't do it, then you may have to get a little stronger and say it more like, "it doesn't bother us, so don't let it bother you". It's up to Molly how forcefully you have to state it and whether she ends up getting her feelings hurt or not. As long as you are not asking for her opinion she really has no reason stating it and maybe it's time she learned that.
Edited by runs4fun 2014-02-05 8:36 AM
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Expert
Posts: 1226
| Sounds like she is a control freak. Needs to not concern herself with you or your friends horse. Why would she care? |
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  Fact Checker
Posts: 16572
Location: Displaced Iowegian | Your horses don't have a "friend" problem...YOU have a "friend problem" !!!! Either ignore her or set her straight!  |
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 Dancing in my Mind
Posts: 3062
Location: Eastern OH but my heart is in WV | Gee....I feel sorry for Molly's horses. I bet her horses are never allowed to have a friend over to play or allowed to talk to the other horses at social events
Seriously, Molly needs to get a life and worry about more important issues! |
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Expert
Posts: 1218
Location: Great NW | NJJ - 2014-02-05 7:14 AM Your horses don't have a "friend" problem...YOU have a "friend problem" !!!! Either ignore her or set her straight!
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 Expert
Posts: 1304
| I'd tell her it's not hurting her so to mind her own business and laugh it off, or tell her her horse could be friends with your horses too if she wants |
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My horse has a friend ....is that a problem?