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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 604
 
Location: Cookeville TN | Sorry for the book!
As some of you may remember almost exactly 1 year ago I filed for divorce against my now ex-husband. We had married December 2010 and he was very abusive. Physically, emotionally, sexually and secluded me from family and friends. It took me 2 years to get up the nerve to file for divorce (catching him cheating, also helped some). Well he was oddly cooperative and the divorce was finalized April of last year. We agreed to file under unreconcilable (sp?) difference to speed up the process.
Fast forward to now: We had our moments of civil mature conversation throughout the past year, when it came to me getting some things from the house that I had forgot or going to get my dog because she had puppies and he couldn't take care of her. But I ALWAYS kept my guard up and made sure I had someone with me. Well he had started to text and call me a lot complaining about his current gf and wanting to take me out and all this, of course I usually ignored him and told him no thanks and such. I eventually blocked him from all social media and my cell phone. Evidently this made him pretty mad and he has contacted one of my co-workers expressing that he is angry and that he "will find me" and "come after me". So I was just like, that's it. I dont deserve to continue to be threatened by him, and neither does my family and friends AND heaven forbid my co-workers need to be involved. Unfortunately he has gotten co-workers involved and thankfully they know how he is and despite his efforts to make my life as stressful and awful as he possibly can, my job is secure at this time. So I took my booty down to the sheriff's dept. and filed for an order of protection. The court date is Thursday. I am scared to death.
My question is, has anyone else been through a similar situation or have any advice, words of wisdom, ANYTHING to ease my anxiety and panic! |
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 Ima Fickle Fan
Posts: 3547
  
Location: Texas | Never been through this, but please be safe. Also, if possible, get your concealed handgun license. Not sure what the rules are in Tennessee, but please keep one in the house for your protection as well. A protection order is nice to have, but if he is going to hurt you, that piece of paper won't stop him. |
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 BHW's Lance Armstrong 
Posts: 11134
Location: Somewhere between S@%&# stirrer and Saint | Sounds like yours are legitamate accusations. Many women use these in a way to retaliate against a man. Looks like you have gone through the process to cut him out of your life. Have you communicated to him in writing never to contact you ib any way? A judge would look at that as being serious. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 604
Location: Cookeville TN | Douglas J Gordon - 2014-02-04 10:56 AM
Sounds like yours are legitamate accusations. Many women use these in a way to retaliate against a man. Looks like you have gone through the process to cut him out of your life. Have you communicated to him in writing never to contact you ib any way? A judge would look at that as being serious.
I have asked him to leave me alone, but that is about the extent of it. I really hoped he would get the point and just leave me alone. I guess i just hoped that blocking and ignoring him would work. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 604
Location: Cookeville TN | aggiejudger - 2014-02-04 10:55 AM
Never been through this, but please be safe. Also, if possible, get your concealed handgun license. Not sure what the rules are in Tennessee, but please keep one in the house for your protection as well. A protection order is nice to have, but if he is going to hurt you, that piece of paper won't stop him.
Thank you I do plan on getting a carry permit in the near future. All of the others in my household currently have permits and weapons in the house. Needless to say, I'm pretty safe at home.. but I'm hardly ever there. I know that the piece of paper isn't going to stop him, but maybe/hopefully open his eyes a little. |
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  Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | Never been there, so I can't really offer any advice, but take someone with you to the court hearing because I'm assuming he will be there. Take a friend or family member. It will be better with support. |
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 Wide Darn Open
Posts: 2141
| Prayers for you...I live in Cookeville also and we just had an incident Sunday of a man going into church and shooting his wife's sister then himself. Im glad you're going on record and asking for protection...be safe and I'm here if you need support! |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 604
Location: Cookeville TN | grullagirl - 2014-02-04 11:09 AM
Prayers for you...I live in Cookeville also and we just had an incident Sunday of a man going into church and shooting his wife's sister then himself. Im glad you're going on record and asking for protection...be safe and I'm here if you need support!
Thank you so much! And yes that shooting was awful, that was so so sad to hear Sunday. It's things like that, that open your eyes to how evil this world can be! |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 604
Location: Cookeville TN | missroselee - 2014-02-04 11:04 AM
Never been there, so I can't really offer any advice, but take someone with you to the court hearing because I'm assuming he will be there. Take a friend or family member. It will be better with support.
Thank you! |
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BHW's Lance Armstrong
Posts: 11134
Location: Somewhere between S@%&# stirrer and Saint | bringinithome - 2014-02-04 11:00 AM Douglas J Gordon - 2014-02-04 10:56 AM Sounds like yours are legitamate accusations. Many women use these in a way to retaliate against a man. Looks like you have gone through the process to cut him out of your life. Have you communicated to him in writing never to contact you ib any way? A judge would look at that as being serious. I have asked him to leave me alone, but that is about the extent of it. I really hoped he would get the point and just leave me alone. I guess i just hoped that blocking and ignoring him would work.
Blocking his social media contact is a step in the right dirrection but in writing will carry more weight. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1432
Location: Never in one place long | Please be careful!!! It always scares me when a man is that crazy sounding! I agree, get your concealed weapon permit and stay close with family and friends.... hopefully he won't act but people can do crazy things when they are mad! My Mom had to get a restraining order on my Dad when we were younger and it was scary! |
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 Expert
Posts: 1591
Location: East Texas | A friend of mine is going through a divorce right now, she had court yesterday for a protective order and got it. I had to testify and tell them what I had seen. What helped her was she had all the threatening text saved. And two videos of him having a tantrum, screaming, punching holes in the wall and also knocking doors off the hinges and breaking them in half. He was stupid enough to get up in front of the judge and say she should've leaned to not make him mad. Just make sure you have saved all the messages, and if anyone has witnessed him they need to make statements. Just stay strong and don't let him get to you. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 915
Location: SE KS | bringinithome - 2014-02-04 11:02 AM
aggiejudger - 2014-02-04 10:55 AM
Never been through this, but please be safe. Also, if possible, get your concealed handgun license. Not sure what the rules are in Tennessee, but please keep one in the house for your protection as well. A protection order is nice to have, but if he is going to hurt you, that piece of paper won't stop him.
Thank you I do plan on getting a carry permit in the near future. All of the others in my household currently have permits and weapons in the house. Needless to say, I'm pretty safe at home.. but I'm hardly ever there. I know that the piece of paper isn't going to stop him, but maybe/hopefully open his eyes a little.
I live in KS, so the laws may be different where you are. But I have been told that if you have or are protected by an order of protection, you are not allowed to have CCL. Be sure to check out the law. Also if he has a CCL be sure to bring this up in court.
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 915
Location: SE KS | Douglas J Gordon - 2014-02-04 11:14 AM
bringinithome - 2014-02-04 11:00 AM Douglas J Gordon - 2014-02-04 10:56 AM Sounds like yours are legitamate accusations. Many women use these in a way to retaliate against a man. Looks like you have gone through the process to cut him out of your life. Have you communicated to him in writing never to contact you ib any way? A judge would look at that as being serious. I have asked him to leave me alone, but that is about the extent of it. I really hoped he would get the point and just leave me alone. I guess i just hoped that blocking and ignoring him would work.
In writing & certified. So that you can prove he received it.
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 Reaching for the stars....
Posts: 12704
| lhighquality - 2014-02-04 12:33 PM
bringinithome - 2014-02-04 11:02 AM
aggiejudger - 2014-02-04 10:55 AM
Never been through this, but please be safe. Also, if possible, get your concealed handgun license. Not sure what the rules are in Tennessee, but please keep one in the house for your protection as well. A protection order is nice to have, but if he is going to hurt you, that piece of paper won't stop him.
Thank you I do plan on getting a carry permit in the near future. All of the others in my household currently have permits and weapons in the house. Needless to say, I'm pretty safe at home.. but I'm hardly ever there. I know that the piece of paper isn't going to stop him, but maybe/hopefully open his eyes a little.
I live in KS, so the laws may be different where you are. But I have been told that if you have or are protected by an order of protection, you are not allowed to have CCL. Be sure to check out the law. Also if he has a CCL be sure to bring this up in court.
I think it's only the ordered, not orderee. |
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 I Chore in Chucks
Posts: 2882
Location: MD | I wouldn't worry about your concealed to carry. reality is if he is coming to get you, he'll already know about when you do and don't carry your gun and if he is coming after you, and lets be honest you can't ask him to wait a minute while you undo the combination lock....
pepper spray, get the good stuff from the hunting stores not the ones at the grocery store and carry it with you everywhere. not in your purse but in your jeans, in your waste band, beside your bed always near you. if he's getting involved with your coworkers and family ask them to carry it too. pepper spray is plenty effective and easier to carry.
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 Expert
Posts: 2135
Location: Somewhere else | Get the co-worker to go to court with you, if you kept the texts, try to get them printed off and take them also. If you remember any dates & times when he's called & texted take it. Phone records that show he called & texted. Co-worker is gonna be your ace in the hole since he is the one he talked to about threatening you. Good Luck. |
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| You have been given some good advise already and I would strongly consider the carry permit if you don't have one as well as looing into your domain laws as some states allow you to keep a gun in your vehicle and house without a permit. I would also buy a couple baseball bats and place them around your house and property. It sounds like you already have a dog which is a great first line of defense but if he really scares you I would consider getting a dog that doesn't know your ex and is much less likely to accept him into your home without you there. Carry a pocket knife concealed in your waistband when at all possible, even at night when you are sleeping. I would also see about a self defense class and take it asap. I'm sure I sound pretty over the top but I would much rather be safe than sorry and considering his history I would be very deligent about your surroundings and safety. Paper does nothing until after the fact in a sad lot of cases.
Edited by AnotherRound 2014-02-04 1:32 PM
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 Expert
Posts: 1218
Location: Great NW | The only advise I have is BE SAFE as you can. Prayers. |
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 Born not Made
Posts: 2931
Location: North Dakota | Take some self-defense classes. Seriously. Even if you don't need them to protect yourself against your ex-husband, you never know when they can come in handy. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1092
Location: OK | In my situation, a protective order would've only been a challenge to him, so I didn't do that. What I did do was keep a gun handy and keep my dog by me 24 hours a day. I know how all that goes. The cussing at first, intimidation. When that won't work, there's all the crying and I love you and all that. Then when they feel like they've lost control, that's when they do other things, stalking, repeated calling, breaking in, watching you. I hope you get through your situation, and I hope the order scares him, but my advice is, protect yourself. Call your local PD or sheriff or whoever and let them know, besides the order. Have them take down your address and keep it handy in case you have to make a call. Even though there's not much they can do, at least they know. An order is only a piece of paper. Let everyone in your family know. Record all conversations. In my case, when I let him know that if anything happened to me, all eyes were on him, it helped. People get hurt by idiots. Don't be one of those people. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1092
Location: OK | bringinithome - 2014-02-04 11:02 AM
aggiejudger - 2014-02-04 10:55 AM
Never been through this, but please be safe. Also, if possible, get your concealed handgun license. Not sure what the rules are in Tennessee, but please keep one in the house for your protection as well. A protection order is nice to have, but if he is going to hurt you, that piece of paper won't stop him.
Thank you I do plan on getting a carry permit in the near future. All of the others in my household currently have permits and weapons in the house. Needless to say, I'm pretty safe at home.. but I'm hardly ever there. I know that the piece of paper isn't going to stop him, but maybe/hopefully open his eyes a little.
Get a carry permit, but don't wait to at least have something on you. If he gets ahold of you, that fact that you don't have a permit will be the least of your worries. I'm not saying he's on drugs, but if he is, or if he's just that crazy, pepper spray won't work. A bat on the other hand, will. |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| jojammer - 2014-02-04 2:05 PM bringinithome - 2014-02-04 11:02 AM aggiejudger - 2014-02-04 10:55 AM Never been through this, but please be safe. Also, if possible, get your concealed handgun license. Not sure what the rules are in Tennessee, but please keep one in the house for your protection as well. A protection order is nice to have, but if he is going to hurt you, that piece of paper won't stop him. Thank you I do plan on getting a carry permit in the near future. All of the others in my household currently have permits and weapons in the house. Needless to say, I'm pretty safe at home.. but I'm hardly ever there. I know that the piece of paper isn't going to stop him, but maybe/hopefully open his eyes a little. Get a carry permit, but don't wait to at least have something on you. If he gets ahold of you, that fact that you don't have a permit will be the least of your worries. I'm not saying he's on drugs, but if he is, or if he's just that crazy, pepper spray won't work. A bat on the other hand, will.
this ^ |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 822
Location: Southwest New Mexico | Screen shots of texts between you two with you asking him to leave you alone would work. I've used printed screen shots in court. They do hold up, however in my case the other party did not deny they sent those messages. |
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OT: I Got an Order Of Protection against my ex-husband