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 Veteran
Posts: 141
 
Location: College Station, TX | Or who are married and don't have a joint account...
How do you handle paying bills? Do you split everything 50/50? Does one pay more than the other? Do you base it off the income of each person?
Not sure that the way it's being handled in my house is the best way to do it, so it made me wonder what other people do.
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 Expert
Posts: 4625
 
Location: Desert Land | We have been living together for almost 8 years and married for almost 1 year. We used to split everything equally and then when we bought a house together he started paying all of the mortgage and I pay all of the utilities. He pays out more a month than me, by far. BUT he makes just about double what I make. We DO NOT have a joint account. But if I need money, he will give it to me. | |
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 Swiffer PIcker Upper
Posts: 4015
Location: Four Corners Colorado | Right now I am the only one with a bank account and my husband has a credit card. We put all the money in my account and I pay all the bills. He uses his credit card for what ever he needs and I pay it off. I do let him know what the bills are and where the money goes. It works for us because he is always out of town. I also have a finacial power of attorney so I can sign for what ever we need while he is gone. | |
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 Dr. Ebay
Posts: 8507
 
Location: Land Of Oz | We don't have separate accounts but it isn't really fair for the one who makes less to pay 50% IMO. I know 'technically' half the bill would be theirs but I could see how it could cause resentment. | |
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 Expert
Posts: 1367
Location: mi | My name is on the checking. I pay the bills. We each have our own savings. Along with one joint savings that is pretty much just for having a joint account to deposit our Income tax return into. He makes about 30% more then me. Back in the day we figured out how much I needed from each of our checks to get the bills paid and that is what he gives me. If he takes a day off he is short. If he works over time that is his extra play money. The same for mine. Except since i pay the bills My over time tends to be used for bills more often then not. But if my check is short I still manage to eat. :) | |
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Veteran
Posts: 141
Location: College Station, TX | Jinx - 2014-02-20 10:00 AM
We don't have separate accounts but it isn't really fair for the one who makes less to pay 50% IMO. I know 'technically' half the bill would be theirs but I could see how it could cause resentment.
This is kind of where I'm at. I make about 1/3 of what he does, and we split everything 50/50. On top of house bills I have a truck note, car insurance an student loans, which he has none of. It leaves me in a bind on a regular basis while he is free to play and spend as he pleases. I'm trying to not be resentful about it but it's getting where I can't help it. I just wasn't sure if I was being selfish thinking this way.
Edited by Talkeetnababe 2014-02-20 10:09 AM
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Swiffer PIcker Upper
Posts: 4015
Location: Four Corners Colorado | I wanted to add I am a stay at home wife. I make a small amount of money with my farm but not enough to pay bills. My husband has been the main bread winner for many years. I am very thankful that he has always made his money feel like our money. Even when I was working he told me to put my money to what I wanted. | |
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 Party Girl
Posts: 12293
Location: Buffalo, Wyoming | We are not married but have been living together for 5 years.
He makes WAY more than I do. From the very beginning he has paid the rent/mortgage, his truck/trailer payments and buys all the feed for the horses.
I pay utilites, my car/trailer payments and all the food (which averages out about the same amount he pays in horse feed).
I am a signer on all of his accounts and have access to everything. He doesn't have access to any of mine as he would spend it all if he had it. Even thought he makes more than I do, I still have to bale him out every once in awhile.
We do have once credit card in both of our names that he pays on since he is the one that uses it. We also have one in just my name that is maxed out due to him using it and I pay on it for some reason.
This works for us for now but I think we need to change a few things.
I should add he does give me whatever money I ask for when it is available.
Edited by UTAHCANCHASER 2014-02-20 10:18 AM
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1028
| I guess our situation is a little different than most, in that I make a bit more than he does, but I don't think we ever sat down and decided I was going to pay more than him or vice versa. Never had a joint account either. I take care of the mortgage and house maintenence (I had it before we were together), my truck note and related expenses like gas, insurance, and all horse expenses (because they're all mine, he's nonhorsey). He takes care of utilities (aside from propane, then it's whoever is home when the propane truck shows up), groceries, his car note, and student loan debt. I think I did add it up once, what both of us pay in a month and it was definitely fair for both of us. If there's a month where one of us is a bit short (a car repair for him, or a big vet bill for me), we just help the other out as best we can. :) | |
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 I Chore in Chucks
Posts: 2882
Location: MD | Talkeetnababe - 2014-02-20 10:06 AM
Jinx - 2014-02-20 10:00 AM
We don't have separate accounts but it isn't really fair for the one who makes less to pay 50% IMO. I know 'technically' half the bill would be theirs but I could see how it could cause resentment.
This is kind of where I'm at. I make about 1/3 of what he does, and we split everything 50/50. On top of house bills I have a truck note, car insurance an student loans, which he has none of. It leaves me in a bind on a regular basis while he is free to play and spend as he pleases. I'm trying to not be resentful about it but it's getting where I can't help it. I just wasn't sure if I was being selfish thinking this way.
Not to butt in or make you feel badly about yourself.
Has he already paid off his student loans and car payment etc? obviously it isn't his duty to pay off your things.
But if you're in a bind can you talk to him? say, "hey, I need some help I'm feeling too pinched and I feel like I can't get ahead, can you help me? can we change the way bills are paid for at least little while so I can get ahead or pay things off?"
He may not even be realizing you're tight in the money dept.
ETA: i have been living with my SO for going on 2 years, this is usually what I say when I need help with a vet bill, or an insurance payment. It's so much easier to just say that I need help rather than waiting for him to ask if I do. Usually he doesn't even know if I'm feeling pinched or stressed and we've made a pact that if I need help I just say so.
Edited by Crowned Image 2014-02-20 10:28 AM
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Rad Dork
Posts: 5218
Location: Oklahoma | We share checking, savings and credit cards, but not investments.
He makes more than I do, but we have a joint checking that both of our paychecks get put into to pay the credit card, car loans and utilities.
Back in college (before we were married) we lived together and we were on a rent/per person basis. He helped me out if I couldn't cover my rent, but I paid the TV/DSL/Electric. It wasn't 50/50, but he didn't hold any resentment. | |
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 Cute Little Imp
Posts: 2747
Location: N Texas | Before we got married, he moved in with me, so all the bills were in my name. He just gave me money every month to cover his half. I made more than him, so I covered more than he did. Now we're married and make about the same. We each still have our own separate accounts, but have one joint account that we both put money into each month to pay the household bills out of. We keep our personal accounts so we each have "our own" money to spend.
We also have a joint savings that we contribute to when we can that will go towards a joint purchase, vacation, etc. | |
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Swiffer PIcker Upper
Posts: 4015
Location: Four Corners Colorado | Crowned Image - 2014-02-20 9:22 AM Talkeetnababe - 2014-02-20 10:06 AM Jinx - 2014-02-20 10:00 AM We don't have separate accounts but it isn't really fair for the one who makes less to pay 50% IMO. I know 'technically' half the bill would be theirs but I could see how it could cause resentment. This is kind of where I'm at. I make about 1/3 of what he does, and we split everything 50/50. On top of house bills I have a truck note, car insurance an student loans, which he has none of. It leaves me in a bind on a regular basis while he is free to play and spend as he pleases. I'm trying to not be resentful about it but it's getting where I can't help it. I just wasn't sure if I was being selfish thinking this way. Not to butt in or make you feel badly about yourself. Has he already paid off his student loans and car payment etc? obviously it isn't his duty to pay off your things. But if you're in a bind can you talk to him? say, "hey, I need some help I'm feeling too pinched and I feel like I can't get ahead, can you help me? can we change the way bills are paid for at least little while so I can get ahead or pay things off?" He may not even be realizing you're tight in the money dept.
I don't agree with this, once you are "married" there shouldn't be his and mine, it should be "ours"
Not 50/50 but 100/100 | |
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 Road Rash Expert
Posts: 5501
Location: Near San Antonio, TX | I think my husband and I do things a bit differently. He makes about 3x what I do, but he is just awful with money. While we do have a joint account, he never, ever touches it. My paycheck gets direct deposited into my personal checking account, and his gets deposited into the joint account. He has a seperate account that he gets I think $450 every 2 weeks deposited into so he can buy fuel, or whatever he wants from that. That is his money and not used to pay bills. I pay all the bills. I even have investements that are jointly in both of our names that I really doubt he knows anything about. He goes to work, comes home, the lights are still on, Dish Network still works, and we have dinner. He is a hard worker, and a good provider, but not so good with money. Porportionally, he certianly makes much more of a contribution, percentage wise, than me to our bills.
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I Chore in Chucks
Posts: 2882
Location: MD | equussynergy - 2014-02-20 10:28 AM
Crowned Image - 2014-02-20 9:22 AM Talkeetnababe - 2014-02-20 10:06 AM Jinx - 2014-02-20 10:00 AM We don't have separate accounts but it isn't really fair for the one who makes less to pay 50% IMO. I know 'technically' half the bill would be theirs but I could see how it could cause resentment. This is kind of where I'm at. I make about 1/3 of what he does, and we split everything 50/50. On top of house bills I have a truck note, car insurance an student loans, which he has none of. It leaves me in a bind on a regular basis while he is free to play and spend as he pleases. I'm trying to not be resentful about it but it's getting where I can't help it. I just wasn't sure if I was being selfish thinking this way. Not to butt in or make you feel badly about yourself. Has he already paid off his student loans and car payment etc? obviously it isn't his duty to pay off your things. But if you're in a bind can you talk to him? say, "hey, I need some help I'm feeling too pinched and I feel like I can't get ahead, can you help me? can we change the way bills are paid for at least little while so I can get ahead or pay things off?" He may not even be realizing you're tight in the money dept.
Not 50/50 but 100/100
I agree with you on how I phrased it. and it didn't come out how I expected it to.
I meant more along the lines of, it isn't his job to pay off things that you have done, like school or a car loan; but now that you are now together and things are ours not his or hers. You help each other out like it is a marriage.
That's how my SO and I work things out, I just say what I need and usually help is on the way. It would be vice-versa but since I work for his company he makes considerably more than I do. haha | |
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 The One
Posts: 7998
Location: South Georgia | He makes almost double what I make. He pays all the bills, I buy the groceries most weeks. That's just how we do it.
I guess I should also add that I learned the separate accounts were a better/safer option. I was married to someone for 4 years and we had everything joint. He proceeded to rob me absolutely blind one day, emptied savings and everything, and moved while I was at work one day. No longer will I ever have a joint account of any kind again.
Edited by horsegirl 2014-02-20 10:46 AM
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 Vodka for Lunch
Location: Lala Land | Gunner11 - 2014-02-20 10:27 AM Before we got married, he moved in with me, so all the bills were in my name. He just gave me money every month to cover his half. I made more than him, so I covered more than he did. Now we're married and make about the same. We each still have our own separate accounts, but have one joint account that we both put money into each month to pay the household bills out of. We keep our personal accounts so we each have "our own" money to spend. We also have a joint savings that we contribute to when we can that will go towards a joint purchase, vacation, etc.
This is what we do also. Before we were married we split bills 50/50, but he was willing to pay more if I needed extra | |
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| Joint. What his is mine and what mine is his.
Edited to add: We are married and did not do joint or live together until there was the commitment.
Edited by MRM27 2014-02-20 10:46 AM
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 512
| My husband and I are 100/100 as someone stated above. Both of our names are on both checking accounts and our savings account. We put both our pay checks into one account and we pay bills out of that same account. He is responsible for carrying the weight in paying bills-as far as actually physically paying rent, horse board, car payment. I take responsibility and making sure our health care payment is made. We have one new car and my truck/trailer is paid off. We switch off vehicles and basically share everything. We have never sat down and really figured out who pays the most (although right now I do make a bit more money as he is searching for a new job).
We often discuss finances and we make all major financial decision together.
I wrestled with the joint account, "separate" things, ect when we got married. However, I believe we are one and I have a strong relationship with Christ. It was the best option for our marriage to be joined in finances also. I know finances can cause a huge upset in a marriage. I never want to hold so tightly to money or a thing that it causes problems for myself and our marriage. This is JMO. Our bills are paid, we have food and money for things we need. We are blessed. In my mind, God gave me what we have and he blesses our marriage.
If I was dating someone however, everything would be separate for the most part. Unless the other person got in a bind-but I would be very careful with this.
My 2 cents. | |
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 Strong Willed Woman
Posts: 6577
Location: Prosser, WA | Before we were married we split everything 50/50. As soon as we got married we got a joint checking account. Before we got married we didn't buy anything jointly. I would have a hard time doing it any other way before marriage. Although you should talk to him about it. Maybe he needs to pay more or you two need to find a cheaper place to live or something? | |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 452
Location: Texas | Joint. I make ALOT more than him but my business requires alot of overhead. No personal accounts. After bills are paid every month you can buy whatever you want/need. | |
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Veteran
Posts: 141
Location: College Station, TX | equussynergy - 2014-02-20 10:28 AM
Crowned Image - 2014-02-20 9:22 AM Talkeetnababe - 2014-02-20 10:06 AM Jinx - 2014-02-20 10:00 AM We don't have separate accounts but it isn't really fair for the one who makes less to pay 50% IMO. I know 'technically' half the bill would be theirs but I could see how it could cause resentment. This is kind of where I'm at. I make about 1/3 of what he does, and we split everything 50/50. On top of house bills I have a truck note, car insurance an student loans, which he has none of. It leaves me in a bind on a regular basis while he is free to play and spend as he pleases. I'm trying to not be resentful about it but it's getting where I can't help it. I just wasn't sure if I was being selfish thinking this way. Not to butt in or make you feel badly about yourself. Has he already paid off his student loans and car payment etc? obviously it isn't his duty to pay off your things. But if you're in a bind can you talk to him? say, "hey, I need some help I'm feeling too pinched and I feel like I can't get ahead, can you help me? can we change the way bills are paid for at least little while so I can get ahead or pay things off?" He may not even be realizing you're tight in the money dept.
Not 50/50 but 100/100
His company pays for his truck and insurance, and he didn't go to school so doesn't have student loans. House is 100% in his name even though we did the shopping together, so technically it's his, but we say it's ours.
He doesn't have horses or any interest in them so I pay for that (someone had mentioned their hubby paying for horse feed)
Honestly I don't think he would be willing to help if I asked. He would tell me to sell the horses, which isn't happening.
Don't get me wrong, I get back even somehow (never ahead) so I can do it as it is, I just don't know that it is completely fair. Now I feel like I'm being whiny. | |
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  More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | Talkeetnababe - 2014-02-20 10:58 AM equussynergy - 2014-02-20 10:28 AM Crowned Image - 2014-02-20 9:22 AM Talkeetnababe - 2014-02-20 10:06 AM Jinx - 2014-02-20 10:00 AM We don't have separate accounts but it isn't really fair for the one who makes less to pay 50% IMO. I know 'technically' half the bill would be theirs but I could see how it could cause resentment. This is kind of where I'm at. I make about 1/3 of what he does, and we split everything 50/50. On top of house bills I have a truck note, car insurance an student loans, which he has none of. It leaves me in a bind on a regular basis while he is free to play and spend as he pleases. I'm trying to not be resentful about it but it's getting where I can't help it. I just wasn't sure if I was being selfish thinking this way. Not to butt in or make you feel badly about yourself. Has he already paid off his student loans and car payment etc? obviously it isn't his duty to pay off your things. But if you're in a bind can you talk to him? say, "hey, I need some help I'm feeling too pinched and I feel like I can't get ahead, can you help me? can we change the way bills are paid for at least little while so I can get ahead or pay things off?" He may not even be realizing you're tight in the money dept.
Not 50/50 but 100/100 His company pays for his truck and insurance, and he didn't go to school so doesn't have student loans. House is 100% in his name even though we did the shopping together, so technically it's his, but we say it's ours. He doesn't have horses or any interest in them so I pay for that (someone had mentioned their hubby paying for horse feed ) Honestly I don't think he would be willing to help if I asked. He would tell me to sell the horses, which isn't happening. Don't get me wrong, I get back even somehow (never ahead ) so I can do it as it is, I just don't know that it is completely fair. Now I feel like I'm being whiny.
I don't think your whiny but do you see yourself forever with him? The way you talk about him I'm just not seeing it. I've been married almost 22 years. Everything is "ours". I don't understand the concept of living together and playing house, blast me all you want but find someone to "share" your life with not split it up 50/50. Oh and marry them. | |
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Swiffer PIcker Upper
Posts: 4015
Location: Four Corners Colorado | CYA Ranch - 2014-02-20 10:01 AM Talkeetnababe - 2014-02-20 10:58 AM equussynergy - 2014-02-20 10:28 AM Crowned Image - 2014-02-20 9:22 AM Talkeetnababe - 2014-02-20 10:06 AM Jinx - 2014-02-20 10:00 AM We don't have separate accounts but it isn't really fair for the one who makes less to pay 50% IMO. I know 'technically' half the bill would be theirs but I could see how it could cause resentment. This is kind of where I'm at. I make about 1/3 of what he does, and we split everything 50/50. On top of house bills I have a truck note, car insurance an student loans, which he has none of. It leaves me in a bind on a regular basis while he is free to play and spend as he pleases. I'm trying to not be resentful about it but it's getting where I can't help it. I just wasn't sure if I was being selfish thinking this way. Not to butt in or make you feel badly about yourself. Has he already paid off his student loans and car payment etc? obviously it isn't his duty to pay off your things. But if you're in a bind can you talk to him? say, "hey, I need some help I'm feeling too pinched and I feel like I can't get ahead, can you help me? can we change the way bills are paid for at least little while so I can get ahead or pay things off?" He may not even be realizing you're tight in the money dept.
Not 50/50 but 100/100 His company pays for his truck and insurance, and he didn't go to school so doesn't have student loans. House is 100% in his name even though we did the shopping together, so technically it's his, but we say it's ours. He doesn't have horses or any interest in them so I pay for that (someone had mentioned their hubby paying for horse feed ) Honestly I don't think he would be willing to help if I asked. He would tell me to sell the horses, which isn't happening. Don't get me wrong, I get back even somehow (never ahead ) so I can do it as it is, I just don't know that it is completely fair. Now I feel like I'm being whiny.
He knows they make me happy, when I'm happy I do what makes him happy!
You should watch Makr Gungo Tale of Two Brains
Edited by equussynergy 2014-02-20 11:09 AM
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Industrial Srength Barrel Racer
Posts: 7268
| I make my car and trailer payment, pay my car insurance, buy the groceries, propane and horse expenses. We split the house payment. He pays for the electric bill, his car payment, his insurance and the cable and internet expenses. I gripe over propane prices and he gripes over the electric bill. | |
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 Money Eating Baggage Owner
Posts: 9586
Location: Phoenix | We each have our own accounts. But he will give me money if I need it. He makes WAY more than me (like 4x) so he pays for rent, car payment, and all his bills. I pay for cable when I can, and utilities and then my bills. Fuel we rotate off and on. Food is probably mostly him buying (75/25). He's buying a horse and I pay for the care as well as the care for my own horse (even though I'm living without my horses LOL). We still have to come up with a system....need to get back with doing out Dave Ramsey worksheets!!
I am still hesitant to call stuff "ours" because he makes so more...like I will spend my money on my guilty pleasures. I shouldn't be asking for money to buy myself little goodies, you know?
Edited by hammer_time 2014-02-20 11:30 AM
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 Own It and Move On
Location: The edge of no where | CYA Ranch - 2014-02-20 11:01 AM Talkeetnababe - 2014-02-20 10:58 AM equussynergy - 2014-02-20 10:28 AM Crowned Image - 2014-02-20 9:22 AM Talkeetnababe - 2014-02-20 10:06 AM Jinx - 2014-02-20 10:00 AM We don't have separate accounts but it isn't really fair for the one who makes less to pay 50% IMO. I know 'technically' half the bill would be theirs but I could see how it could cause resentment. This is kind of where I'm at. I make about 1/3 of what he does, and we split everything 50/50. On top of house bills I have a truck note, car insurance an student loans, which he has none of. It leaves me in a bind on a regular basis while he is free to play and spend as he pleases. I'm trying to not be resentful about it but it's getting where I can't help it. I just wasn't sure if I was being selfish thinking this way. Not to butt in or make you feel badly about yourself. Has he already paid off his student loans and car payment etc? obviously it isn't his duty to pay off your things. But if you're in a bind can you talk to him? say, "hey, I need some help I'm feeling too pinched and I feel like I can't get ahead, can you help me? can we change the way bills are paid for at least little while so I can get ahead or pay things off?" He may not even be realizing you're tight in the money dept.
Not 50/50 but 100/100 His company pays for his truck and insurance, and he didn't go to school so doesn't have student loans. House is 100% in his name even though we did the shopping together, so technically it's his, but we say it's ours. He doesn't have horses or any interest in them so I pay for that (someone had mentioned their hubby paying for horse feed ) Honestly I don't think he would be willing to help if I asked. He would tell me to sell the horses, which isn't happening. Don't get me wrong, I get back even somehow (never ahead ) so I can do it as it is, I just don't know that it is completely fair. Now I feel like I'm being whiny.
^^^This! Zipping up the flame suit, but I wouldn't live with a guy I wasn't married too.
You've got to get on the same page about money. I firmly believe in Dave Ramsey's program. If you're going to go thru life as a team, then you've got to agree on money. Things can't be 'his' or 'yours'... it's got to be 'ours'. Not that my hubby doesn't cuss 'my' barrel horses on occasion, but we make all decisions jointly. Anything over a couple hundred, entries, things for the house, trips... it's joint. | |
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 Expert
Posts: 1857
| We have a joint now but when we didn't I just told him what I needed to pay bills. I never split it down the middle I just paid what I could and he paid the rest. He made more than me and we loved each other so it didn't matter who paid more. Now we have a joint account and it makes things easier. He's not real horsey but respects it for my sake and I his hunting. If either of us needs something really important the other will gladly go without because we love each other. | |
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Got Bassetts?
| We have seperate checking accounts and joint savings. He makes WAY more than I do, so he pays the bigger bills like the farm payment, the other property payment, insurance, auto loans, etc., and I have the smaller ones like the cell phones, water bill, internet and groceries. Every January we set down, look at what our bills are, and audit our system so that after we pay the bills and make our savings deposit, we each have the same amount left over.
We always say at this point (married almost 7 years) we need to just go to the bank and get a joint checking, but we never want to take the time when we are both off work to do it. Well, that and we always forgot. But to be truthful, I'm not so sure I want to change how it is. Because the way I see it, we both have the same amount of "mad money". If he wants to buy more hunting stuff (that I know he needs like another hole in the head), or I want yet ANOTHER pair of boots (that he knows I need like another hole in the head), it's our own "fun money" so nobody gripes at the other. It works :) | |
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 Husband Spoiler
Posts: 4151
Location: North Dakota | CYA Ranch - 2014-02-20 11:01 AM Talkeetnababe - 2014-02-20 10:58 AM equussynergy - 2014-02-20 10:28 AM Crowned Image - 2014-02-20 9:22 AM Talkeetnababe - 2014-02-20 10:06 AM Jinx - 2014-02-20 10:00 AM We don't have separate accounts but it isn't really fair for the one who makes less to pay 50% IMO. I know 'technically' half the bill would be theirs but I could see how it could cause resentment. This is kind of where I'm at. I make about 1/3 of what he does, and we split everything 50/50. On top of house bills I have a truck note, car insurance an student loans, which he has none of. It leaves me in a bind on a regular basis while he is free to play and spend as he pleases. I'm trying to not be resentful about it but it's getting where I can't help it. I just wasn't sure if I was being selfish thinking this way. Not to butt in or make you feel badly about yourself. Has he already paid off his student loans and car payment etc? obviously it isn't his duty to pay off your things. But if you're in a bind can you talk to him? say, "hey, I need some help I'm feeling too pinched and I feel like I can't get ahead, can you help me? can we change the way bills are paid for at least little while so I can get ahead or pay things off?" He may not even be realizing you're tight in the money dept.
Not 50/50 but 100/100 His company pays for his truck and insurance, and he didn't go to school so doesn't have student loans. House is 100% in his name even though we did the shopping together, so technically it's his, but we say it's ours. He doesn't have horses or any interest in them so I pay for that (someone had mentioned their hubby paying for horse feed ) Honestly I don't think he would be willing to help if I asked. He would tell me to sell the horses, which isn't happening. Don't get me wrong, I get back even somehow (never ahead ) so I can do it as it is, I just don't know that it is completely fair. Now I feel like I'm being whiny.
I agree! It does sound like you two are "playing house". It honestly does not sound like a committed mutual relationship. The fact that you don't think he would be willing to help you out is a HUGE red flag that something isn't right and that you should move on. My husband would work 10 jobs and give me his last red cent if he had to to help me. He would have done that when we were dating as well. He makes much more than I do especially in the winter so he helps me out a lot....but I guess I don't even really want to call it helping me out since we are in this together. His is mine and mine is his. If he isn't the one you see spending the rest of your life with then quit wasting each others time and move on. My husband and I lived together before we were married but before we moved in together we knew we were going to get married. We were just both still in college and wanted to graduate before tying the knot. But we were 110% committed to each other we just didn't have the piece of paper making it legal. | |
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 Chasin my Dream
Posts: 13651
Location: Alberta | Talkeetnababe - 2014-02-20 9:58 AM equussynergy - 2014-02-20 10:28 AM Crowned Image - 2014-02-20 9:22 AM Talkeetnababe - 2014-02-20 10:06 AM Jinx - 2014-02-20 10:00 AM We don't have separate accounts but it isn't really fair for the one who makes less to pay 50% IMO. I know 'technically' half the bill would be theirs but I could see how it could cause resentment. This is kind of where I'm at. I make about 1/3 of what he does, and we split everything 50/50. On top of house bills I have a truck note, car insurance an student loans, which he has none of. It leaves me in a bind on a regular basis while he is free to play and spend as he pleases. I'm trying to not be resentful about it but it's getting where I can't help it. I just wasn't sure if I was being selfish thinking this way. Not to butt in or make you feel badly about yourself. Has he already paid off his student loans and car payment etc? obviously it isn't his duty to pay off your things. But if you're in a bind can you talk to him? say, "hey, I need some help I'm feeling too pinched and I feel like I can't get ahead, can you help me? can we change the way bills are paid for at least little while so I can get ahead or pay things off?" He may not even be realizing you're tight in the money dept.
Not 50/50 but 100/100 His company pays for his truck and insurance, and he didn't go to school so doesn't have student loans. House is 100% in his name even though we did the shopping together, so technically it's his, but we say it's ours. He doesn't have horses or any interest in them so I pay for that (someone had mentioned their hubby paying for horse feed ) Honestly I don't think he would be willing to help if I asked. He would tell me to sell the horses, which isn't happening. Don't get me wrong, I get back even somehow (never ahead ) so I can do it as it is, I just don't know that it is completely fair. Now I feel like I'm being whiny.
So....my only question is why is the house only in his name if you "shopped" for it together?
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 Expert
Posts: 1440
Location: Texas | FlyingJT - 2014-02-20 11:21 AM
We have a joint now but when we didn't I just told him what I needed to pay bills. I never split it down the middle I just paid what I could and he paid the rest. He made more than me and we loved each other so it didn't matter who paid more. Now we have a joint account and it makes things easier. He's not real horsey but respects it for my sake and I his hunting. If either of us needs something really important the other will gladly go without because we love each other.
Well before I got married I had my own account initially but after 3 yrs added him but he does not have checks or a debit card because he is terrible with $$. It has gone back and forth as to who made more $$ so all the $$ was put into the account and after all bills were paid we just got what we needed fo daily expenses and fun $$. He has never really gripped about my bills as owned my house am had truck and trailer payment as well as 6 horses. I did down size to cut my bills when my income went down but that was my choice. His only bills were a monthly IRS payment an small truck payment. He works his a$$ off so when he wants to blow some $$ unusually don't gripe too bad and when I needed to have surgery on my horse or later buy another horse he was pretty supportive. If he has the $$ he will give me anything he has. There have been days we were not really keeping our head about water and now we have a boat to float down the river in lol. But it really has never been a mine vs yours situation unless we were fighting about other things. Personally I would not live wih someone who divided the line as to who pays what and if you needed help to foot your side of bill and threw a fit. Does not sound like a goo life long companion and if your asking this question the animosity must be increasing. Good luck to you. | |
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 Expert
Posts: 1432
Location: Never in one place long | TheOldGrayMare - 2014-02-20 9:58 AM
We have been living together for almost 8 years and married for almost 1 year. We used to split everything equally and then when we bought a house together he started paying all of the mortgage and I pay all of the utilities. He pays out more a month than me, by far. BUT he makes just about double what I make. We DO NOT have a joint account. But if I need money, he will give it to me.
Been married almost 5 years and this is what we do, my husband makes 3x what I do so he pays all the bills exccept one and everything I make goes towards paying off our loans and my horse stuff. We like having two accounts, it just seems like we have more sources of money then even if we don't :) | |
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 Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | CYA Ranch - 2014-02-20 11:01 AM Talkeetnababe - 2014-02-20 10:58 AM equussynergy - 2014-02-20 10:28 AM Crowned Image - 2014-02-20 9:22 AM Talkeetnababe - 2014-02-20 10:06 AM Jinx - 2014-02-20 10:00 AM We don't have separate accounts but it isn't really fair for the one who makes less to pay 50% IMO. I know 'technically' half the bill would be theirs but I could see how it could cause resentment. This is kind of where I'm at. I make about 1/3 of what he does, and we split everything 50/50. On top of house bills I have a truck note, car insurance an student loans, which he has none of. It leaves me in a bind on a regular basis while he is free to play and spend as he pleases. I'm trying to not be resentful about it but it's getting where I can't help it. I just wasn't sure if I was being selfish thinking this way. Not to butt in or make you feel badly about yourself. Has he already paid off his student loans and car payment etc? obviously it isn't his duty to pay off your things. But if you're in a bind can you talk to him? say, "hey, I need some help I'm feeling too pinched and I feel like I can't get ahead, can you help me? can we change the way bills are paid for at least little while so I can get ahead or pay things off?" He may not even be realizing you're tight in the money dept.
Not 50/50 but 100/100 His company pays for his truck and insurance, and he didn't go to school so doesn't have student loans. House is 100% in his name even though we did the shopping together, so technically it's his, but we say it's ours. He doesn't have horses or any interest in them so I pay for that (someone had mentioned their hubby paying for horse feed ) Honestly I don't think he would be willing to help if I asked. He would tell me to sell the horses, which isn't happening. Don't get me wrong, I get back even somehow (never ahead ) so I can do it as it is, I just don't know that it is completely fair. Now I feel like I'm being whiny.
Agreed.....this is the "peril" of just living with someone....what are you getting out of it? When you split....he is going to be the winner....house in his name....you have paid half of the house, etc....
That being said....hubby and I have always had separate checking accounts but we have a "household" account that he puts a "set amount" of money into, every month, for utilities, house payments (which we don't have now), house insurance, groceries, etc. He pays all horse expenses (he uses them too). I have always paid for the "extras"....cable, cell phones, my own car payment, insurance, etc.....AND everything is in BOTH of our names.....no way in h*ll would I be paying for ANY house that MY name wasn't on the title. | |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 512
| ">^^^This! Zipping up the flame suit, but I wouldn't live with a guy I wasn't married too.
You've got to get on the same page about money. I firmly believe in Dave Ramsey's program. If you're going to go thru life as a team, then you've got to agree on money. Things can't be 'his' or 'yours'... it's got to be 'ours'. Not that my hubby doesn't cuss 'my' barrel horses on occasion, but we make all decisions jointly. Anything over a couple hundred, entries, things for the house, trips... it's joint.
We also do Dave Ramsey!! Highly Recommend!! | |
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 Expert
Posts: 3782
Location: Gainesville, TX | I'm the one with the regular monthly income and make a bit more than him. I pay all the major monthly bills: rent, electric, cable, internet, health insurance. I also pay any bills I accrue: my credit cards, student loans, some hospital bills, my fuel. I paid the truck payment before we paid it off. We both know my income will be there every month so we use it for those reasons. He is responsible for his credit cards, his fuel, groceries, the trash bill, and horse stuff. He helps me out a lot for sudden stuff like vet bills or car repair. When we bought our new mare, I paid for the horse and he paid for the fuel to Georgia and back. He does work part time as a real estate appraiser but is also currently in law school. When he gets out, we will even things out a bit more again. We have separate accounts. His dad has access to his account and will sometimes just 'borrow' money. Though his dad has helped us out a few times when we get in a bind and often buys us hay. I cannot stand money just disappearing out of an account. I realize he has a 'special' relationship with his dad, keep my nose out of it, and make sure I cover my share. We always have enough since my account is safe. After we have paid our share, what's left over is ours to play with. I probably play with more of mine than he does with his so he usually has more if we get in a bind (but again) I'm paying a good bit of the major stuff.
ETA: We go out to eat relatively often and he nearly always covers that.
Edited by oija 2014-02-20 11:57 AM
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Ms. Dr. Phil
Location: My happy place | This is an older persons point of view, and I have been married 35 years and we have always just thrown it all in one pot, and never fought about who pays what.
Why are you paying 50% of a house payment that you have no vested interest in?
I assume you cook and clean for him in his house, and perform other services. I would be sending him a bill for services rendered that would make him think marriage or that house payment is much cheaper. JMO but I think the old saying about the milk & cow has a lot of merit.
It's not that I'm a prude and think everyone should get married, if it's a good deal for you and it works great. However I would never live with someone who wasn't taking care of me.
Edited by Palopony 2014-02-20 12:12 PM
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![](<a href="http://s1191.photobucket.com/albums/z470/alicat0909/?action=view¤t=yellaandcalf.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i1191.photobu) Heeler Hater
Posts: 3014
Location: Texas | My husband is the main bread winner. Before we got married it was his and mine. Now its ours. He pays all the bills except two.
Even though we still have mine and his its only to know what we are talking out. I still call the dodge my truck and the ford is still his. But if you asked who's truck it was its ours. I still owe $10, 000 on my truck. His is paid off. If I can't pay the whole thing one month he pays it. If I want to buy something I ask and then get it. Not because he's mr controlling but its a respect thing. | |
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Teen Advice Giver
| My boyfriend has a great job and makes a lot more then I do. For that reason, he pays for the mortgage, utility bills, etc.
In return, I help pay for the groceries, cable bill, dog exspenses, etc. I currently do not have a vehicle either, so we take turns paying for gas in his truck since we both use it.
It's a great situation for us. It's not 50/50 but he accepts the fact that I pay what I reasonably can, and respects me for it. If it were up to him, he'd probably pay it all. I would feel bad about that though, and I don't want him to feel like I was living off of him..instead of living WITH him.
I also won't pay mortgage (unless we were in a bind) until the house was also in my name, after we are married.
ETA: I pay 100% of the bills for my horse. I had the horse before we started dating, so I would never want to put it on him. It's my hobby, and my horse. He has helped me out in the past with horse bills when I was in between jobs. I would never ask him though.
Edited by NickyandMickey 2014-02-20 12:21 PM
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 Expert
Posts: 2457
| MS2011 - 2014-02-20 11:17 AM CYA Ranch - 2014-02-20 11:01 AM Talkeetnababe - 2014-02-20 10:58 AM equussynergy - 2014-02-20 10:28 AM Crowned Image - 2014-02-20 9:22 AM Talkeetnababe - 2014-02-20 10:06 AM Jinx - 2014-02-20 10:00 AM We don't have separate accounts but it isn't really fair for the one who makes less to pay 50% IMO. I know 'technically' half the bill would be theirs but I could see how it could cause resentment. This is kind of where I'm at. I make about 1/3 of what he does, and we split everything 50/50. On top of house bills I have a truck note, car insurance an student loans, which he has none of. It leaves me in a bind on a regular basis while he is free to play and spend as he pleases. I'm trying to not be resentful about it but it's getting where I can't help it. I just wasn't sure if I was being selfish thinking this way. Not to butt in or make you feel badly about yourself. Has he already paid off his student loans and car payment etc? obviously it isn't his duty to pay off your things. But if you're in a bind can you talk to him? say, "hey, I need some help I'm feeling too pinched and I feel like I can't get ahead, can you help me? can we change the way bills are paid for at least little while so I can get ahead or pay things off?" He may not even be realizing you're tight in the money dept.
Not 50/50 but 100/100 His company pays for his truck and insurance, and he didn't go to school so doesn't have student loans. House is 100% in his name even though we did the shopping together, so technically it's his, but we say it's ours. He doesn't have horses or any interest in them so I pay for that (someone had mentioned their hubby paying for horse feed ) Honestly I don't think he would be willing to help if I asked. He would tell me to sell the horses, which isn't happening. Don't get me wrong, I get back even somehow (never ahead ) so I can do it as it is, I just don't know that it is completely fair. Now I feel like I'm being whiny.
You've got to get on the same page about money. I firmly believe in Dave Ramsey's program. If you're going to go thru life as a team, then you've got to agree on money. Things can't be 'his' or 'yours'... it's got to be 'ours'. Not that my hubby doesn't cuss 'my' barrel horses on occasion, but we make all decisions jointly. Anything over a couple hundred, entries, things for the house, trips... it's joint.
I personally can't say enough positive things about DAVE RAMSEY!! I have seen his methods put to work in my life and my BFF's life. Talk about a full turn around for the positive; when committed and followed his Financial Peace University is down right AWESOME. | |
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 Chicken Chick
Posts: 3562
Location: Texas | I am usually a stay at home mom, however last year I got a job. Before, we always had everything in a joint account, but after I got a job I opened an account and savings in my name. He is bad with money, and he knows this. With me making more money he wanted to spend more money on toys. It ended up that I made double the money he did (They also worked me into the ground in the process). With my checks I would take a certain amount off the top to put into savings every week. Never less then a certain amount but if I had a really good check I would sometimes double it. Then I would fill my truck up for the week, get feed for my "farm" lol, then take out whatever I would need to live off of the next week. After that we used my money as "play" money. He still paid all the bills, I took care of myself, and my extra money is what we went shopping with or whatever. Or if he had a ticket or an unusually high electric bill I would pay that also.
It was still OUR money, I just had some things I wanted to do with it before he got his hands on it. Mainly savings and setting back what I needed for the next week. If that makes any sense at all. I have never been a fan of the whole Your money/bills and My money/bills thing. I have seen too many friends get resentful of their husband/wife because they were broke trying to pay "their" bills but their SO was out blowing money like it was going out of style. | |
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Strong Willed Woman
Posts: 6577
Location: Prosser, WA | CYA Ranch - 2014-02-20 9:01 AM Talkeetnababe - 2014-02-20 10:58 AM equussynergy - 2014-02-20 10:28 AM Crowned Image - 2014-02-20 9:22 AM Talkeetnababe - 2014-02-20 10:06 AM Jinx - 2014-02-20 10:00 AM We don't have separate accounts but it isn't really fair for the one who makes less to pay 50% IMO. I know 'technically' half the bill would be theirs but I could see how it could cause resentment. This is kind of where I'm at. I make about 1/3 of what he does, and we split everything 50/50. On top of house bills I have a truck note, car insurance an student loans, which he has none of. It leaves me in a bind on a regular basis while he is free to play and spend as he pleases. I'm trying to not be resentful about it but it's getting where I can't help it. I just wasn't sure if I was being selfish thinking this way. Not to butt in or make you feel badly about yourself. Has he already paid off his student loans and car payment etc? obviously it isn't his duty to pay off your things. But if you're in a bind can you talk to him? say, "hey, I need some help I'm feeling too pinched and I feel like I can't get ahead, can you help me? can we change the way bills are paid for at least little while so I can get ahead or pay things off?" He may not even be realizing you're tight in the money dept.
Not 50/50 but 100/100 His company pays for his truck and insurance, and he didn't go to school so doesn't have student loans. House is 100% in his name even though we did the shopping together, so technically it's his, but we say it's ours. He doesn't have horses or any interest in them so I pay for that (someone had mentioned their hubby paying for horse feed ) Honestly I don't think he would be willing to help if I asked. He would tell me to sell the horses, which isn't happening. Don't get me wrong, I get back even somehow (never ahead ) so I can do it as it is, I just don't know that it is completely fair. Now I feel like I'm being whiny.
I think just living together and being married should be treated differently. Two different types of relationships. My now husband and I lived together for 4 years before we got married. We really didn't buy anything together and kept everything 50/50. We rented a house so that did make things easier. We knew too many people that purchased things together while living together and then they had to try to separate everything fairly once the relationship dissolved. I also think it's important for both parties in a relationship to know they can support themselves. My husband and I never once asked each other for money before we got married, but we were both making good money so that helped.
I will say that I seem to be horrible at picking roommates and great at picking a husband. LOL. I had so many roommate problems. Them not paying their share on time, owing me money when they left, one saying she sent the rent checks but the landlord never receiving them, dealing with their boyfriends/friends. I never thought I would live with a guy before marriage but I couldn't afford to live with women anymore. LOL. It was so much easier living with my now husband.
Once you get married that's when you start planning together for a future and that's when we put all our money together. Now I'm a stay at home mom and that doesn't pay too well. LOL.
To the OP I would not be splitting the cost of the mortage in half when your name is not on it. If you do break up, you will never see that money again. I can see paying your way but not like that.
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| MS2011 - 2014-02-20 11:17 AM CYA Ranch - 2014-02-20 11:01 AM Talkeetnababe - 2014-02-20 10:58 AM equussynergy - 2014-02-20 10:28 AM Crowned Image - 2014-02-20 9:22 AM Talkeetnababe - 2014-02-20 10:06 AM Jinx - 2014-02-20 10:00 AM We don't have separate accounts but it isn't really fair for the one who makes less to pay 50% IMO. I know 'technically' half the bill would be theirs but I could see how it could cause resentment. This is kind of where I'm at. I make about 1/3 of what he does, and we split everything 50/50. On top of house bills I have a truck note, car insurance an student loans, which he has none of. It leaves me in a bind on a regular basis while he is free to play and spend as he pleases. I'm trying to not be resentful about it but it's getting where I can't help it. I just wasn't sure if I was being selfish thinking this way. Not to butt in or make you feel badly about yourself. Has he already paid off his student loans and car payment etc? obviously it isn't his duty to pay off your things. But if you're in a bind can you talk to him? say, "hey, I need some help I'm feeling too pinched and I feel like I can't get ahead, can you help me? can we change the way bills are paid for at least little while so I can get ahead or pay things off?" He may not even be realizing you're tight in the money dept.
Not 50/50 but 100/100 His company pays for his truck and insurance, and he didn't go to school so doesn't have student loans. House is 100% in his name even though we did the shopping together, so technically it's his, but we say it's ours. He doesn't have horses or any interest in them so I pay for that (someone had mentioned their hubby paying for horse feed ) Honestly I don't think he would be willing to help if I asked. He would tell me to sell the horses, which isn't happening. Don't get me wrong, I get back even somehow (never ahead ) so I can do it as it is, I just don't know that it is completely fair. Now I feel like I'm being whiny.
You've got to get on the same page about money. I firmly believe in Dave Ramsey's program. If you're going to go thru life as a team, then you've got to agree on money. Things can't be 'his' or 'yours'... it's got to be 'ours'. Not that my hubby doesn't cuss 'my' barrel horses on occasion, but we make all decisions jointly. Anything over a couple hundred, entries, things for the house, trips... it's joint.
Edited by rodeomom3 2014-02-20 1:05 PM
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 Water Weight Barbie
Posts: 6829
Location: Oz, Kansas | We sat down & figured up all our bills & then figured out the percentage of how much more he makes than I do & I pay that percentage of bills. We did that several years ago & with all the increases we need to sit down again because everything has gone up but my salary.
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Expert
Posts: 1255
| I've been with my better half for 11 years and he pays for his stuff and I pay for mine .he makes around 6,000 monthly but is extremely selfish so we do our own thing and we have no bills because of solar other than insurance and phone.and the older I get the more I'm thinking this is for the birds I can't even get him to buy me a Pepsi on way home from work. | |
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Swiffer PIcker Upper
Posts: 4015
Location: Four Corners Colorado | myhre - 2014-02-20 6:16 PM I've been with my better half for 11 years and he pays for his stuff and I pay for mine .he makes around 6,000 monthly but is extremely selfish so we do our own thing and we have no bills because of solar other than insurance and phone.and the older I get the more I'm thinking this is for the birds I can't even get him to buy me a Pepsi on way home from work.
This is an examaple of, why buy the cow when you get the milk for free. When I was younger I thought that saying had to do with having sex before marrige but now I see it really has to do with Money.
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Expert
Posts: 1255
| Sad part is that I thought it was normal till recently my ex wanted things split also because he said I should know what its like to struggle. | |
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 Thread Killer
Posts: 7545
| myhre - 2014-02-20 8:55 PM Sad part is that I thought it was normal till recently my ex wanted things split also because he said I should know what its like to struggle.
Your man *cough**cough* controlling psychopath *cough* is a complete D. I've said it before and I'll say it again: GET OUT and leave his sorry, stupid ass.
Edited by Just Plain Lucky 2014-02-20 8:22 PM
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More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | myhre - 2014-02-20 7:16 PM I've been with my better half for 11 years and he pays for his stuff and I pay for mine .he makes around 6,000 monthly but is extremely selfish so we do our own thing and we have no bills because of solar other than insurance and phone.and the older I get the more I'm thinking this is for the birds I can't even get him to buy me a Pepsi on way home from work.
That's not a better half that's a worse half. Lazy half, jackass half, POS half....would you like me to go on? As I said I've been married to the same guy for almost 22 years. I have never worked a full time outside the home job ever. I've worked part time until last year when the company I worked for sold. Since then I help my hubby as needed in the office of the family machinery dealership, I've raised 2 kids who are now 18 & 20 and I have my horses in which I do everything from putting up a couple hundred acres of hay each year to fixing fence to whatever needs to be done. My husband supports me 110%. If he wouldn't even buy me a Coke (I hate Pepsi) I'd tell him to take a hike. | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 929
| bowersk - 2014-02-20 8:19 AM
I guess our situation is a little different than most, in that I make a bit more than he does, but I don't think we ever sat down and decided I was going to pay more than him or vice versa. Never had a joint account either. I take care of the mortgage and house maintenence (I had it before we were together), my truck note and related expenses like gas, insurance, and all horse expenses (because they're all mine, he's nonhorsey). He takes care of utilities (aside from propane, then it's whoever is home when the propane truck shows up), groceries, his car note, and student loan debt. I think I did add it up once, what both of us pay in a month and it was definitely fair for both of us. If there's a month where one of us is a bit short (a car repair for him, or a big vet bill for me), we just help the other out as best we can. :)
This is basically my hubby and I. When we got married in September he made more than I did but he got laid off 6 days after our wedding and found a new job that pays $0.50 less per hour than mine. We split the rent down the middle, he pays for his fuel and insurance, I pay for my truck note and any related expenses, along with all the horses and their care and vet bills. He pays our entry fees for ropings and/or barrel races, and any and all expenses for his daughter and school stuff or her entry fees. Now that I think about it I seem to be paying a bit more than he does...but he also spoils me when he has the extra $$ but is totally incapable of scrimping and saving like I am. | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 927
Location: Iowa | I've lived with my SO for 9 years. He makes way more than me. I pay for my horses and related expense, He pays for our sons tuition for private school and I pick up the grocery bill and my insurance and cell phone. He pays for my truck and trailer because he can deduct it as farm business. | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1035
Location: TN | Talkeetnababe - 2014-02-20 10:06 AM
Jinx - 2014-02-20 10:00 AM
We don't have separate accounts but it isn't really fair for the one who makes less to pay 50% IMO. I know 'technically' half the bill would be theirs but I could see how it could cause resentment.
This is kind of where I'm at. I make about 1/3 of what he does, and we split everything 50/50. On top of house bills I have a truck note, car insurance an student loans, which he has none of. It leaves me in a bind on a regular basis while he is free to play and spend as he pleases. I'm trying to not be resentful about it but it's getting where I can't help it. I just wasn't sure if I was being selfish thinking this way.
My boyfriend and I have been together over 7 years and lived together almost 3. I make more money than he does usually so when I comes to the house (which is in my name) I pay the mortgage and bills. Then he pays for the land he bought that our horses stay on. He also has a truck payment. I don't expect him to split the utility bills or mortgage because he can't afford to. Plus he doesn't expect me to pay anything for the land even though my horse is there. It works for us but everyone is different so I hope you find a balance that works for you. | |
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 Expert
Posts: 1409
| Wow!! Who knew that married folk or live ins lived this way......... I am amazed actually at all the seperation of the money....... not passing judgement just really surprised.
Marriage = throw it all in one pot and go on about your lives together. 
Edited by TyE 2014-02-20 11:23 PM
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The Resident Destroyer of Liberal Logic
Location: PNW | My husband and I (married three years, together for 5 total) have a joint account, a savings account, and then each have a separate checking account. Along with each of our businesses having its own checking account
Livestock business - pays for truck, trailer, horse expenses, ranch expenses, vet work, vaccines, farrier, cattle/sheep transport, cattle/sheep maintenance such as sheering, marking, whatever.
Logging business - pays for husband's equipment, fuel, insurances, and my SUV because it is used as a "fleet vehicle"
Joint checking - pays all utilities for the house and personal: TV, Internet, phone, electric, etc.
Savings - obviously we save here
Separate checkings - mostly we put any "windfalls" here. If I sell a saddle, if he sells something, if I win money at a barrel race and actually make a profit <---- did I spell that correct? I don't use it much in terms of barrel racing... I like these accounts because they allow for such things as Christmas or birthday spending without the other person being like "oh what'd you buy from Cabellas for $200??"
I am a stay at home mom, we have a 15 month old and I'm due in august with #2. We run two successful businesses, my husband runs the majority of both - but my son and I do what we can to run a lot of the livestock business. We do all the feeding, moving, and book keeping. I keep the house clean, I keep our bills in order, and I put a meal on the table every night. I would say that while he makes 98% of the money - I definitely "earn my keep."
I grew up in a pretty financially humble family, while he grew up in a VERY wealthy family. It took me a LONG time to put my pride aside and be ok spending "his" money - even once we were married and it was "ours"
He is the most generous loving man I have ever met, and your SO should not lord money over you in my opinion. Once you are married - it should all be OURS. And I agree with previous posters about not paying into a mortgage that you have no claim on - NO, JUST NO. | |
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 Chatty Kathy
Posts: 6635
Location: In Ky following Barrel Races & Walker hounds. | At this moment, my husband works and I dont. He pays for everything and never complains. When I do work, that is purely "extra" to put back on any debt we have. He buys horse food, dog food, groceries, ect and never complains. Has since before we got married. Before we got engaged even, if I needed something, he made sure I got it. He has never made me go without or let me get in a bind with bills. Not saying we haven't had "tight" times, but we got through it together and helped each other.  | |
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Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| CYA Ranch - 2014-02-20 8:17 PM myhre - 2014-02-20 7:16 PM I've been with my better half for 11 years and he pays for his stuff and I pay for mine .he makes around 6,000 monthly but is extremely selfish so we do our own thing and we have no bills because of solar other than insurance and phone.and the older I get the more I'm thinking this is for the birds I can't even get him to buy me a Pepsi on way home from work. That's not a better half that's a worse half. Lazy half, jackass half, POS half....would you like me to go on? As I said I've been married to the same guy for almost 22 years. I have never worked a full time outside the home job ever. I've worked part time until last year when the company I worked for sold. Since then I help my hubby as needed in the office of the family machinery dealership, I've raised 2 kids who are now 18 & 20 and I have my horses in which I do everything from putting up a couple hundred acres of hay each year to fixing fence to whatever needs to be done. My husband supports me 110%. If he wouldn't even buy me a Coke (I hate Pepsi) I'd tell him to take a hike.
Ain't that the truth. Same here, I had part time jobs in the early years but when our 4 kids got busy with sports I quit that. We have been married 26 years and I have had no income the last 20. My husband does well and he is so kind and generous. For my last birthday I wanted a scottish fold cat which are pricey ( my whole life I said I would never pay for a cat). He got me the cat :). A few years ago my other cat Winston was extremely sick, estimated vet bill was ridiculous. I text him amount and he responded I hope they can help him. I told him I would take it day by day and pull the plug if it didn't look good. He made it, had a huge bill, husband just said glad he made it. He loves me and likes to do things for me and vice versa. I spend hours on the tractor and fix anything I am capable of.
Edited by rodeomom3 2014-02-21 6:20 AM
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 Dr. Ruth
Posts: 9891
Location: Blissfully happy Giants fan!!! | RodeoCowgirl4u - 2014-02-20 9:30 PM bowersk - 2014-02-20 8:19 AM I guess our situation is a little different than most, in that I make a bit more than he does, but I don't think we ever sat down and decided I was going to pay more than him or vice versa. Never had a joint account either. I take care of the mortgage and house maintenence (I had it before we were together), my truck note and related expenses like gas, insurance, and all horse expenses (because they're all mine, he's nonhorsey). He takes care of utilities (aside from propane, then it's whoever is home when the propane truck shows up), groceries, his car note, and student loan debt. I think I did add it up once, what both of us pay in a month and it was definitely fair for both of us. If there's a month where one of us is a bit short (a car repair for him, or a big vet bill for me), we just help the other out as best we can. :) This is basically my hubby and I. When we got married in September he made more than I did but he got laid off 6 days after our wedding and found a new job that pays $0.50 less per hour than mine. We split the rent down the middle, he pays for his fuel and insurance, I pay for my truck note and any related expenses, along with all the horses and their care and vet bills. He pays our entry fees for ropings and/or barrel races, and any and all expenses for his daughter and school stuff or her entry fees. Now that I think about it I seem to be paying a bit more than he does...but he also spoils me when he has the extra $$ but is totally incapable of scrimping and saving like I am.
This is basically us too. We lived together for 2 years before we got married. But we had no bills except for our vehicles because we lived on the nursery. And we spent freely. lol!
We moved because of my job. And I make over double what he makes right now. It may be closer to 3x's. Thankfully my husband LOVES that I am as successful as I am and has no resentment or anything negative to say about it. I have always made more than him though. And he is working his tail off to move up in his job and do what he wants to do.
Anyways, we keep separate accounts. It is so much easier. He knows how he likes to budget and I know how I like to budget. I know not only exactly how much he takes home, but how much he has in the bank and how much he spends every month. Same thing on my side. Shoot, he knows my spending habits better than I do!!
I handle most of the bills. I actually have been begging him to let me take over the insurance because I want him to have more cash to play with.
Right now he handles the insurance, cable/internet, my ipad 3G, his phone (he has AT&T and I have sprint. I don't like AT&T and he doesn't like sprint so we keep them separate-lol), and his car payment. Everything else is me. I also contribute to a home improvements savings account for us.
I make plenty of money to cover all of our expenses easily and still have room to throw a LOT of money at the horses. I choose not to remember how much that is a month. lol!
I couldn't fathom having joint accounts and even when my husband gets to the police department, I owuld NEVER think to increase his share of expenses. It isn't fair and it isn't how our household works.
I think the biggest thing for us-and we literally just talked about this over the weekend-is that we have an open line of communication. He knows what I am spending money on and I don't hide any purchases. Same thing for him. No big purchases are made without letting the other know before the purchase is made but our unspoken rule is if you have the money go for it. We have plenty of money set aside and that is what matters.
As a side note-we also NEVER ask the other one to go do something. For instance, we are season ticket holders for the SF Giants. I LOVE going to opening day. He knew I was going to go but I told him I was going to book my flight for all first 6 games of the season. He then told me he was going to try and get the weekend off and would fly out for the last 3 games. Or this morning I told him we were headed to a barrel race and he would probably beat me home tonight and then we were getting up and headed to another one tomorrow. I don't ever ask. He never asks. That would never work in our relationship. lol! | |
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Married to a Louie Lover
Posts: 3303
| We moved in together when we relocated from Michigan to Iowa. In michigan we also lived an hour and a half a part, talk about a culture shock!
I make more than him. I bought the house in my name only. I pay the mortgage, he pays the utilities and food. This works out to about the same % and we are making so we feel it's fair. Then we each pay for what is ours - fuel, horses, truck omits, student loans etc. I have a truck pmt and loans and the horse whereas he does not. Some months I find myself a little stretched. I'm working quite hard to get the truck pmt done with.
We plan to get married someday. I'm not sure how the money will change then. Ideally I would like to have a joint account for household stuff, mortgage, bills, food, and an emergency bit for repairs. If he buys a horse at some point and hose expenses become equal then those too. He supports me with the horses and I know if I ever needed money for something like a vet bill he'd help me out. He's paid up entries a couple times when I was tight, and if I won something I paid him back or put fuel in the truck for the ride home. I support him in his endeavors which is pretty much work and school. I've told him if he ever needed to cut work hours for school id help him out financially to do so.
It works really well for right now. We've adapted to everything life has given us so far, so I'm sure we'll adapt in the future as well. | |
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 Forever Young
Posts: 6768
Location: relocated to Texas | CYA Ranch - 2014-02-21 7:17 PM myhre - 2014-02-20 7:16 PM I've been with my better half for 11 years and he pays for his stuff and I pay for mine .he makes around 6,000 monthly but is extremely selfish so we do our own thing and we have no bills because of solar other than insurance and phone.and the older I get the more I'm thinking this is for the birds I can't even get him to buy me a Pepsi on way home from work. That's not a better half that's a worse half. Lazy half, jackass half, POS half....would you like me to go on? As I said I've been married to the same guy for almost 22 years. I have never worked a full time outside the home job ever. I've worked part time until last year when the company I worked for sold. Since then I help my hubby as needed in the office of the family machinery dealership, I've raised 2 kids who are now 18 & 20 and I have my horses in which I do everything from putting up a couple hundred acres of hay each year to fixing fence to whatever needs to be done. My husband supports me 110%. If he wouldn't even buy me a Coke (I hate Pepsi) I'd tell him to take a hike.
Ditto. If a man is stingy like that, I would get away from him. That type of selfishness goes far beyond money, the way he deals with his money is just a reflection of who he is. | |
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 Ditch the Stirrups
Posts: 5369
Location: Sorrow Not! Defending against workplace bullies | You are not being whiny at all. Do you live in a community property state? After a certain amt of time living together you would be considered married in the eyes of the law. That would mean you share responsibility for liabilities and assets incurred from the date you were together (most likely the date you started living together) | |
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OT - question for those who live with your SO