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Extreme Veteran
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| I know this is a personal decision I need to make, but I'm really looking for some advice from mom's who are in a similar situation. I own my own boarding stable as a business, plus train my own horses to put on barrels and typically sell them after, and my husband has recently started his own farrier business. So our schedules are somewhat flexible, but obviously tons of time spent outside. We have a 2 yr old little boy and a discussing having another. My questions... How do you make time to have more than one? I do NOT want my babies to go to daycare until they are able to walk, talk and tell me about what they do all day. Do you feel like having more than one child when taking care of horses several hours a day, training your own and running barrels, takes away from the attention you COULD be giving them? I already feel guilty sometimes when he goes to Grandmas practically every weekend so we can do the things around here that we can't with him home. I'm not willing to give up my dream job or running barrels(yes, that sounds selfish and it is). Am I just over analyzing it all and the first 2 yrs will go by quickly to have it be easy again like it typically is with just my son? | |
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 Crazy Doggy Mommy
Posts: 1419
 
Location: Where Governor's make the liscense plates | I have a friend in a very similar situation she's having her second in a month. She has had to put the horses on the back burner since being farther along than 6 mo. It's just something she's come to understand but knows it's only temporary. I sincerely think daycare after they're a year old is a good idea though | |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 578
| We are discussing putting our son in daycare a couple days a week. I think he's ready for the interaction. But finding one that isn't insanely expensive is the problem! I'm getting quotes of $90/ 3 half days a week! Is that normal?? | |
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| I don't have children or want to have children for the reason you said I don't want to give up my passions to raise a child.
A good mother will always put her child's needs infront of her own. It is easy to ride horses and have children that are not in school, the struggles are when they are older.
What if the child doesn't want to have anything to do with horses and wants to play hockey or dirt bike, both of these are very expensive and very time consuming, as all your weekends will be attending their sports.
I know in the school settings around me, mothers are expected to volunteer at the school to help teachers out, so this is more time away.
Then after school activities, piano, school sports, birthday parties, when children are young, you can't really just drop them off, you need to stay. Most parties are on the weekend so there goes another weekend.
Some people can make it work, but I would suggest reflecting and see how involved you want to be in your child's life.
It is easy just training one or two at a time, but training 4-8 horses at a time will take a lot of your day, the campaigning the horses will take your weekends.
This is just my opinion and I know I will have many dislikes for this | |
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Crazy Doggy Mommy
Posts: 1419
Location: Where Governor's make the liscense plates | redrodeo72 - 2014-03-01 3:31 PM
We are discussing putting our son in daycare a couple days a week. I think he's ready for the interaction. But finding one that isn't insanely expensive is the problem! I'm getting quotes of $90/ 3 half days a week! Is that normal??
I believe that is the new normal pricing. My friends boy is 3 so he goes 3 half days a week for I want to say atleast 120 it may be more I'm not sure. Unfortunately he has become accustomed to his mom's spoiling and likes to skip school sometimes and she lets him because let's face it that's her baby and he's only 3 once. But he truly has become a much better socialized boy, uses his manners more and more. You will cry in your car on the way to drop him off and when trying to part with him that's all normal but know how much he is going to love making new friends :) And you may actually have 5 minutes to yourself inbetween taking care of him and the horses so be prepared you won't know what to do lol | |
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 Expert
Posts: 2258
| I only have one kid and she has been with me doing everything since she was born. I use to bundle her up and take her to the barn in the winter even while I rode, or she would go with grandpa and feed the outside horses. When she was 2 we had a boarding barn, broodmares , 2 studs and riding horses and my husband trained racehorses. She was very good at doing what I told her to do and I usually set up a little spot for her to play where I could easily see her. As soon as she was big enough she started cleaning stalls ect, she liked it then now it is just work. It did take some time away from my young horses for a bit but we got in the swing of things and it got easier to get everything done. She is 14 and we still do everything together, we both ride, clean, feed and compete together. I couldn't afford daycare but ended up with a very nice older mare who would let her spend hours messing with her. She would brush, ride , bathe and use to sit out and practice wrapping legs when she was about 5 best babysitter ever. I could ride and put her next to arena so I could see her and they just kept each other company. I think you can make both work especially while they are little. I know sometimes moms feel like they have to put their lives on hold so the kids can do what they want but honestly my daughter is my biggest cheerleader and if I offer to give something up to get her something better she flat out tells me no. So I guess I am lucky to have a kiddo who believes in me as much as I do her but I think that is because we have just spent so much time together she knows what it takes for us to do the things we love. | |
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Posts: 2041
Location: home for the winter...what a dumb idea | My son is a little over a year now. He has come with me to work since he was 2weeks old. He plays in the tack room in his play pen when its warm enough he play in the alley of the barn when I am cleaning stalls . I can't ride colts anymore because its to dangerous with him. I try to keep my good horse in shape so when he can balence better this summer he can sit on him or walk when I ride. | |
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 The Vaccinator
Posts: 3810
Location: Slipping down the slope of old age. Boo hoo. | cutnrunqhmt - 2014-03-01 4:49 PM
I only have one kid and she has been with me doing everything since she was born. I use to bundle her up and take her to the barn in the winter even while I rode, or she would go with grandpa and feed the outside horses. When she was 2 we had a boarding barn, broodmares , 2 studs and riding horses and my husband trained racehorses. She was very good at doing what I told her to do and I usually set up a little spot for her to play where I could easily see her. As soon as she was big enough she started cleaning stalls ect, she liked it then now it is just work. It did take some time away from my young horses for a bit but we got in the swing of things and it got easier to get everything done. She is 14 and we still do everything together, we both ride, clean, feed and compete together. I couldn't afford daycare but ended up with a very nice older mare who would let her spend hours messing with her. She would brush, ride , bathe and use to sit out and practice wrapping legs when she was about 5 best babysitter ever. I could ride and put her next to arena so I could see her and they just kept each other company. I think you can make both work especially while they are little. I know sometimes moms feel like they have to put their lives on hold so the kids can do what they want but honestly my daughter is my biggest cheerleader and if I offer to give something up to get her something better she flat out tells me no. So I guess I am lucky to have a kiddo who believes in me as much as I do her but I think that is because we have just spent so much time together she knows what it takes for us to do the things we love.
Kudos to you for getting on with your life while being a mom! I bet your daughter is a terrific, responsible, caring, kind, polite and responsible young woman because you kept working and included her in your daily work / routine! GOOD FOR YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER!!!!!!!!!!!! I am one of those people who do NOT believe a parent should drop everything and live only through and for their child.... I think that creates children who are self-centered, selfish, and have no work ethic or understanding of what the real world is or what it takes to get along in the real world..... and who do not appreciate the work their parents do to put food on the table -- and I also think children are happier when they contribute to the family by doing work for the family in some manner by having chores to help - cooking, cleaning, helping with barn work, farm work, etc, that are suitable to their age. Anyway, kudos to you. | |
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Regular
Posts: 93
Location: Wisconsin | Would it be possible to find someone to come to your place a few days a week or for part of a day to babysit? Like during the time you would be working the horses under saddle and you would be able to have your child with you during the time of chores?
This would give you the time to concentrate on the horses as you know that the child would be safe and you would be able to check on them as needed. Also there would be someone around if it should happen that you might be hurt and need help of some kind when your husband would be gone for his job. | |
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Expert
Posts: 2258
| Delta Cowgirl - 2014-03-01 5:02 PM
cutnrunqhmt - 2014-03-01 4:49 PM
I only have one kid and she has been with me doing everything since she was born. I use to bundle her up and take her to the barn in the winter even while I rode, or she would go with grandpa and feed the outside horses. When she was 2 we had a boarding barn, broodmares , 2 studs and riding horses and my husband trained racehorses. She was very good at doing what I told her to do and I usually set up a little spot for her to play where I could easily see her. As soon as she was big enough she started cleaning stalls ect, she liked it then now it is just work. It did take some time away from my young horses for a bit but we got in the swing of things and it got easier to get everything done. She is 14 and we still do everything together, we both ride, clean, feed and compete together. I couldn't afford daycare but ended up with a very nice older mare who would let her spend hours messing with her. She would brush, ride , bathe and use to sit out and practice wrapping legs when she was about 5 best babysitter ever. I could ride and put her next to arena so I could see her and they just kept each other company. I think you can make both work especially while they are little. I know sometimes moms feel like they have to put their lives on hold so the kids can do what they want but honestly my daughter is my biggest cheerleader and if I offer to give something up to get her something better she flat out tells me no. So I guess I am lucky to have a kiddo who believes in me as much as I do her but I think that is because we have just spent so much time together she knows what it takes for us to do the things we love.
Kudos to you for getting on with your life while being a mom! I bet your daughter is a terrific, responsible, caring, kind, polite and responsible young woman because you kept working and included her in your daily work / routine! GOOD FOR YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER!!!!!!!!!!!! I am one of those people who do NOT believe a parent should drop everything and live only through and for their child.... I think that creates children who are self-centered, selfish, and have no work ethic or understanding of what the real world is or what it takes to get along in the real world..... and who do not appreciate the work their parents do to put food on the table -- and I also think children are happier when they contribute to the family by doing work for the family in some manner by having chores to help - cooking, cleaning, helping with barn work, farm work, etc, that are suitable to their age. Anyway, kudos to you.
I am lucky she is a super good kid and if she didn't love horses the way I do things would probably be so different. | |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 578
| Thanks everyone for your input! My little boy has also gone to the barn with me since he was a couple months old. He loves it. I'll tie his mini up while I clean stalls and he brushes her for a while. Or he gets in his gator and drives around. He loves helping by taking hay down the ally in it or carrying buckets around. I'm just curious how much harder it would be with another tiny one around. And call me selfish, but I don't feel I should give up everything to give them what they want. I am still human and feel I should get to have a life although I chose to raise children. We just all have to compromise.
Edited by redrodeo72 2014-03-01 8:16 PM
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| redrodeo72 - 2014-03-01 8:13 PM
Thanks everyone for your input! My little boy has also gone to the barn with me since he was a couple months old. He loves it. I'll tie his mini up while I clean stalls and he brushes her for a while. Or he gets in his gator and drives around. He loves helping by taking hay down the ally in it or carrying buckets around. I'm just curious how much harder it would be with another tiny one around. And call me selfish, but I don't feel I should give up everything to give them what they want. I am still human and feel I should get to have a life although I chose to raise children. We just all have to compromise.
If you are still wanting your rodeo lifestyle, I would suggest stopping at one then, then you only have one child that could tie up weekends, only one you need to take to birthday parties, only one child who will want his friends to sleep over on the weekend.
Also I don't believe day care should be the place to teach your child socialization. I believe this should be done with parental guidance, not by paid caregivers who there is one for every 6 children. In my area there are many groups to help children interact positively while the parent is there, also church is another place where your child can learn socialization.
I also believe you need to be having this conversation with your husband as yes most parents say 2 is almost overwhelming at the beginning, the third child is easy. As I said earlier, you two need to decide how involved you want to be in your child's life, and weight the pros and cons.
You two are the only ones who can make the decision for your family | |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 578
| Just curious, would you say those things to a mother who works a full time job, plus a job on the weekends to make ends meet? I'm not sure how it's any different as this is my work. Not mad, just wondering :) I already have one child that was an unexpected gift, so I'm just adding one. I know this is ultimately our decision, just looking for input from other business owning mothers of multiple children.
Edited by redrodeo72 2014-03-02 7:28 AM
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Expert
Posts: 2041
Location: home for the winter...what a dumb idea | I just have one son but my girlfriend has 5 and she says it only easyer the more you have.....her oldest ones watch and take care of the younger ones. She works the sales in KY almost every spring and fall....they have a farm too. | |
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| redrodeo72 - 2014-03-02 7:26 AM
Just curious, would you say those things to a mother who works a full time job, plus a job on the weekends to make ends meet? I'm not sure how it's any different as this is my work. Not mad, just wondering :) I already have one child that was an unexpected gift, so I'm just adding one. I know this is ultimately our decision, just looking for input from other business owning mothers of multiple children.
Yes I would, children are a choice, it costs about 10 grand per year to raise one child, I believe that if a woman chooses to have a child they should be well informed.
Why would a person want to have children that they only see at night when they are sleeping.
I also believe that lack of parenting at the house has contributed to many problems that children are face with. Including obesity, acting out in school poor grades, etc.
People who are working 2 jobs to make ends meet, I would encourage them to contact a social worker to assist them in getting a plan to get out of the situation they are in | |
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 Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | I would listen to women who have children before I took the advice of one who doesn't. I don't get all this "your life will be filled with birthday parties, sleep-overs, and youth sports and you don't get to have a life". Not my experience at all.
We allow one extra-curricular activity per kid at a time because I believe in kids having time to be kids and not be scheduled out the butt. They get to be a priority, but they are not the be all end all center of the universe.
I sent both my kids to private Christian preK when they were 4 for socialization. It was a 5 day a week half day program based on play and not academics, and I only sent them 3 days a week. If I didn't want them to go or had something to do, I didn't send them. It was $180 a month regardless of how much or little they attended.
Because of some health problems I had right after my second was born, I didn't ride much until she was about 9 months old and then only had one horse. She was 4 before I started back riding more again. I can ride 3 and do barn chores while they're in school, but I also have responsibilities on our row crop farm I have to work in. They go to work with me a lot in the summer and fall and I daresay my son knows 5000 acres of turnrows like the back of his hand... My daughter rides with me some while I'm working horses, but I also have to take some time to concentrate on teaching her.
IMO, the best way to raise kids is to make them a part of your life instead of the center of your life. And let them be kids. | |
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| Rodeo_cowgirl - 2014-03-02 8:45 AM
I just have one son but my girlfriend has 5 and she says it only easyer the more you have.....her oldest ones watch and take care of the younger ones. She works the sales in KY almost every spring and fall....they have a farm too.
Your friend is leaving the parenting up to the oldest, that is a lot of responsibility for the oldest, and it takes away from his childhood experience.
I do believe children need to learn responsibility but how can they learn that when their role model is pushing their responsibilities onto child care, schools, older children.
To me this is the part of the reason no one takes responsibility for their actions as this needs to be learned in the house. | |
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Location: MT | It is insanely hard to find a balance. I love my children... wouldn't trade them for the world, but Mom's need to have a life as well. My children are 11, 9, and then the "oops baby" that is 22 months. I struggled with it when my oldest were babies. We just got to the point where they were old enough and then I started over. It has been very hard. I am a school teacher as well, so I work a full time job. On top of that I try to have horses, compete, and market a few.
Daycare is a necessity when I am teaching, but the summer months I tried to keep the little one out of day care. I got all sort of advice from "Just take him with you," "Have your oldest two watch him while you ride." "Hire a young teenager to come to your house." etc. First, taking him with me is not possible. I try to work 5-6 horses a day, so combining riding time with choring, it is a full day. Some of the horses are young and even the best minded youngsters can be unpredictable at times. I do not feel that my oldest children should have to watch the baby. They are children themselves and I want them to have a childhood like I did. We had chores, but we were not responsible for a baby all day, every day. Plus, they want to be outside helping me with the horses. There aren't any teenage girls in this area that want a full time summer job watching an infant. The hours are long, you are secluded (mom's of babies know this feeling well), and the pay is the pits.
This summer he will be 2 years old. I have kept him out of daycare the last two summers, but this summer, he will go to daycare. Yes, it is incredibly expensive. Yes, I feel extremely guilty about it. However, I have good horses that are sitting and going to waste. It is time they get put back to reaching their potential, it is time that I get back out doing what I love and what keeps me sane, and it is time my older two get the summers that childhood deserves. My little guys loves daycare. He is happy to go there and he is a happy camper when I pick him up. So that is my game plan. The guilt isn't there when I take him to daycare and head to my teaching job, why should the guilt be there when I take him to daycare and head to my horse job?
Good luck with your choice. It is never easy. I would have NEVER chosen to have my third child. God decided we needed him to make our family complete. Thank God that He is in charge and not me. I dare anyone to try to take that little man away from me now!!!! He brightens each and every one our days and we love him to pieces.
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  Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | Three 4 Luck - 2014-03-02 10:16 AM I would listen to women who have children before I took the advice of one who doesn't.
IMO, the best way to raise kids is to make them a part of your life instead of the center of your life. And let them be kids.
^^^^ THIS........a little hard to "judge" when you haven't had ANY experience! | |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 578
| For those who have children and still run/rodeo. What made you have more than one? Our little guy works pretty well into out life, but I'm very afraid another would be MUCH more difficult! | |
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Having horses as a business and raising a family??