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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 540
 
Location: My own little world :) | Hello all! Well I have a 7 month old and I have been trying to get my riding done and it just doesn't seem to happen. I get to ride every few days but nothing consistent. I'm starting to think I should just give horses up for a while and then start again once my baby is older..like a few years old. I have some really nice horses right now that do great with their training when I actually get to ride them but I get so frustrated that I am not being consistent with them. Currently I have a part time job, go to school online, and also have my daughter and it just doesn't seem like I can get all of my stuff done. My husband is frustrated with me and thinks I should give up school and focus on my horses and other responsibilities. I just find myself overwhelmed and discouraged. Does anyone have any tips or should I just give it up for a while? Not trying to have a pity party but its hard work! |
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| I found once my baby could walk things got so much easier for me. He can play with the dogs when we go outside, carry a coffee can for me at feed time. He loves it outside as much as his daddy and I do. He will sit in his playpen or on the roping dummy and watch me ride and he would never do that in the house! Your almost there. Just a few more months :) when my boy is old enough for a pony I don't think I will ever get him in the house again. |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 357
| I have been off for 2 years now since I was pregnant and am just going to try to start back this year. Wish I had some good advise but this just worked best for me. My sister keep my horse going while I was off and fell in love with him. So I am starting back a new horse and hoping for the best.
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9991
 
Location: Kansas | Honestly....when I was super nice outside (not too hot, nor cold) I would place my daughter's pack n' play in a shady area next to the garage and I would just lope circles. My heeler always laid next to her, when she got a bit older, I placed her in her stoller. I would lope circles while she was in her stroller. She would get a kick out of it and giggle everytime I passed by the front of it. Now that she is walking, I can't keep her out of the saddle.
With time, it will get easier I promise. I have to do everything alone, I've found ways to make it work LOL. She helps me feed, groom and ride everyday |
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 Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | IMO, it helps to lower your expectations of yourself for a time. Your priorities necessarily change, that's part of the great journey that is parenthood. Unless you either have a ton of help from family, or sacrifice your kids on the alter of barrel racing, you will not be able to continue as you did before. It gets better, tho, I promise. Just hang in there, enjoy your baby, and ride when you can. |
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  Neat Freak
Posts: 11216
Location: Wonderful Wyoming | I hardly rode at all when my youngest was born, I worked full time. He was 3 before I was able to ride much. Then when my youngest was born I quit working and stayed home with my boys. I had a great friend come around that was wanting to learn to barrel race so she would haul to my house and the older boy would play with his dirt toys and the younger one would eat snacks and watch while we rode. She also helped me watch him at the barrel races. It's actually harder now that the younger one is nearly 2 and this year won't be so satisfied in a stroller and yet may not listen to the older one to stay out of the arena when I ride. Might have to build something with some dirt and toys in it. |
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Veteran
Posts: 234
| It will get better, but at least your husband supports your horse habit - most young mothers I know have to fight their spouses over their horses as they are a low on their list. GOOD LUCK |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 602
| I had to downsize my herd. Im down to one horse. I had to find that balance with work, being a parent, and a wife. As they get older it does help. I ride 3-4 days a week but I dont kill myself over it if I miss a day. Plus I set up a new barrel racing goal this year that helped reduce the stress...... I plan to run 1x per month and no more than that. That schedule fits my current life style and in 2015 I plan to change my goals again. I use to go to barrel races every weekend and ride every day..... but life has changed. I think you will figure it out. |
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Veteran
Posts: 170
| I will usually drive my car into my arena, or next to the arena with my 2 1/2 year old. I have a DVD player in the car so I will leave it running while I ride... I leave the window down so he can see me, but he's usually watching his show. I usually hand walk him around on my calm mare while she cools down, which he absolutely loves. When I saddle up or unsaddle he comes with me and usually plays with the barn cats.. When he was a lot smaller I'd put him in a stroller so that he could be in a safe spot while I tacked them/untacked them... It's never really been an issue for me I suppose! We have a good system worked out. He is now learning to STOP and WAIT when I say so, which makes it easier. I worry about him scampering around behind the horses but he has gotten much more aware. I recommend lots of core works outs for you, that was the hardest part for me getting back to competition when I felt so weak! |
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Veteran
Posts: 220
| I am in the same boat, I had to pull out of a barrel race one night because I had no help because my husband got called out. (He is a paramedic) I was hoping to get my run in before he did get a call but sure enough race starts in 5 minutes and tone goes off. That was it for me. It was a horrible stressful experience and I was like this isnt even fun anymore because I have to depend on help so many people. I decided I am just going to get off for a while and ride at home if I can. I dont get to ever really even ride and if I do I feel rushed and guilty the whole time. You are not alone. But as my daughter gets older and can play outside more I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Oh and I work a full time job too. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1053
Location: Arizona | Where there's a will there's a way. If you want it bad enough, you will find a way to make it happen. My only advise is that this time in their lives only happens once and you don't get that time back so don't make things your kids can't be involved in a priority...like school. My kids go EVERYWHERE with me. They're now 4 and 6 but I can't tell you how many times I had to ask someone standing at the fence to watch my baby in the stroller for 20 seconds while I made my run. Now I'm hauling extra horses and the kids are riding with me. If there's not a pee wee class at the jackpot, we don't go...lol. These are the best times of our lives and I'm so happy to be able to share my love of horses with them. Don't give up! |
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I Need a Xanax!
Posts: 2774
| I don't want to be a Debbie Downer but I found it less stressful and frustrating on me when I chose to just give it up for a while. My kids are 4 and 5 and I still don't ride much. I did try to ride quite a bit when they were both smaller but it was very hard to manage and very stressful and frustrating trying to make it work alone so I gave it up. I didn't have any finished horses though so it wasn't like I could just keep one ponied with the 4 wheeler and be ready to go. I like to bring horses along in their training but that was the worst possible scenario for having 2 small kids so I gave it up. If I had of had a finished horses it would have been fairly manageable though. |
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| Lots of good advice here!! I, too, have had the same struggles as you. I have a stressful job, two kids (7 & 3), and a farm that requires a lot of time. My husband and I do most everything ourselves and rarely rely on friends/family. You have to just lower your expectations and enjoy this time with your little one. As someone said, you will never get back the time with your precious baby, but your horses will always be there. |
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Made in the USA
Posts: 1234
Location: Cecil, Pa | My baby just turned 8 months old and it is really frustrating but she is just more important I do have days where I want to go to the barn and I try once a week. I was going everyday for a few weeks because I had a goal of running in April turned out I couldnt get it done so I sent him out to be rode... It is really hard and it sounds like you have a lot on your plate I would maybe kick them out until school is finished and whatever else. Maybe just ride when you have time leisurely I know thats not what you want to hear as I would not want to either but these babies are time consuming. Im not sure how much I will ride after this deal in April we are building and with her its just hard sometimes priorities change and we are forced to put our passions aside :( |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1094
Location: Idahome | My question is where are the SOs? I have a daughter that will be 2 in May and as soon as I could ride again, I was. We generally turn them out for a few months in winter otherwise we are always riding. Hubby and I take turns and we make sure the other get the riding they need in. After birth, my gelding was not young but very green. I had not trouble getting him started and hauling last year with hubby's help of course. We don't have family close to us, so we rely on each other. We both work full time and manage to make it work. My daughter loves being outside with the horses and I can't wait until she wants to ride more. |
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I Need a Xanax!
Posts: 2774
| KylaKris - 2014-03-05 3:19 PM My question is where are the SOs? I have a daughter that will be 2 in May and as soon as I could ride again, I was. We generally turn them out for a few months in winter otherwise we are always riding. Hubby and I take turns and we make sure the other get the riding they need in. After birth, my gelding was not young but very green. I had not trouble getting him started and hauling last year with hubby's help of course. We don't have family close to us, so we rely on each other. We both work full time and manage to make it work. My daughter loves being outside with the horses and I can't wait until she wants to ride more.
My SO works very long hours, often out of state so he's not here much. He does this so that I can stay at home with our kids. |
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Made in the USA
Posts: 1234
Location: Cecil, Pa | Used2B - 2014-03-05 7:41 PM
KylaKris - 2014-03-05 3:19 PM My question is where are the SOs? I have a daughter that will be 2 in May and as soon as I could ride again, I was. We generally turn them out for a few months in winter otherwise we are always riding. Hubby and I take turns and we make sure the other get the riding they need in. After birth, my gelding was not young but very green. I had not trouble getting him started and hauling last year with hubby's help of course. We don't have family close to us, so we rely on each other. We both work full time and manage to make it work. My daughter loves being outside with the horses and I can't wait until she wants to ride more.
My SO works very long hours, often out of state so he's not here much. He does this so that I can stay at home with our kids.
My husband puts in long hours also he is barely home. |
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 Sock eating dog owner
Posts: 4553
Location: Where the pavement ends and the West begins Utah | Use a play pen and go ride, perhaps your hubby can take care of the baby while your working the horse. At least he is for it. Nobody here support my barrel racer and learned to ignore the opposite sex. Make it happen. If you have an indoor ride at night. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 929
| I am very lucky in the fact that my husband does not WANT me to have a baby until after I take my colt to the futurities in 2017. LOL...he flat out told me, "this is your goal, you can have kids afterwards." He has a daughter from a previous marriage but she is 9 and rides around with me on her draft pony.
I adore that man.  |
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Expert
Posts: 1642
Location: Kansas | It is hard. I had a baby in 2011 and haven't been able to ride much either. I sold my prospect after I found out I was pregnant so she was just sitting and not having anything done with her. The girl that has her now has done great with her. Won buckles and running 1D/2D times with her. Glad she is doing well, but wish it were me. Hoping maybe this summer since he is older. I have 2 propsects to have started and get rode since I can't seem to sell 1 of them. It will keep me busy. Just do not give up, but put your baby first. They grow up too fast and you can't get that time back. My oldest is a SR this year and graduating in May. It is going to be hard on me. I about cry now when I think about it. Where has the time went? |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 464
| I'm a guy (always have to tell that). I roped till we started having kids. I laid it down like a hot rock when they were born. It was more important to spend time with them. The girls are a little older, and in to barrel racing so here I am. Once they got big enough to ride, I spent more time in the saddle. I even got a few roping calves last summer. Long story short kids come first. |
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Formerly Horse
Posts: 4552
Location: TEXAS | I have 2 year old twins and it just isn't safe to ride with them around. They will get into trouble or what if I got hurt and knocked out and noone else was here??? My husband works and goes to school and drag races so hes gone sun up to sun down 5 x a week! I also work some, do not use babysitters, and we are military with no family around. It is really tough and I have not made a good run in about 3 years. I still keep trying but it's depressing and not fair for the kids or the horses. |
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| Oh I was just getting so upset about this the other night. We have a four month old, and thankfully the weather is nice enough MOST of the time that I can leave her in the car seat or stroller while I ride. Some days I just can't whether it be her current growth spurt or whatever... and it's discouraging. Hubby always takes her when he's home which is nice, but there have been days that as soon as I tack up I have to untack because she won't stop crying for him :/ I have a horse that needs finishing before I can do anything and it's the most frustrating feeling. I'm not considering giving up horses (it is the one constant that keeps me sane and pregnancy was long enough) but either being honest with myself and getting a finished horse or sending her to a trainer because I'm not consistent enough. Just be honest with yourself on what you can handle and go from there. Good luck mama! |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 540
Location: My own little world :) | Thank you everyone for your advise and your support. I don't know what my husband and I are going through but it sucks! I feel overwhelmed with all that I have to do and our relationship has been quite rocky lately. The last two nights we have discussed separation and divorce which I do not want. It just seems like we can't make each other happy and I wonder if I just have too much going on. I feel like the only thing I can decrease is the horses and he absolutely does not want me to stop that..but I am going to school and want to finish because it is important to me and the job I work is a family business and I like helping my parents out. He thinks I should quite school but then I feel like I would feel like a failure. I just don't know what to do. Is it normal to have these feelings between spouses after a year of marriage and having a child? I just feel like I have absolutely no interest in any kind of affection. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 658
Location: Bessmer City NC | zanadoo sending you a private message! |
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Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | Zanadoo88 - 2014-03-06 10:51 PM Thank you everyone for your advise and your support. I don't know what my husband and I are going through but it sucks! I feel overwhelmed with all that I have to do and our relationship has been quite rocky lately. The last two nights we have discussed separation and divorce which I do not want. It just seems like we can't make each other happy and I wonder if I just have too much going on. I feel like the only thing I can decrease is the horses and he absolutely does not want me to stop that..but I am going to school and want to finish because it is important to me and the job I work is a family business and I like helping my parents out. He thinks I should quite school but then I feel like I would feel like a failure. I just don't know what to do. Is it normal to have these feelings between spouses after a year of marriage and having a child? I just feel like I have absolutely no interest in any kind of affection.
Yes, it's normal. You're exhausted, you've got a baby hanging off of you for hours a day and likely waking you up at night...it's kind of hard to welcome anyone else wanting to touch you or get up the energy to show affection. It's hard enough when you're not trying to be everything to everyone, but 100 times worse when you are. The worst lie society has ever told women is you can have it all and all at the same time. We are not super heroes, and it's physically and mentally impossible to keep that up for any amount of time--something will give way and you do NOT want that something to be your marriage, your health, or your sanity. That's where lowering your expectations of yourself comes in. I wouldn't quit riding, but I would back off my goals for a while and just enjoy them when you can. They should be stress relief, not a cause of stress. I don't know what to tell you about school, but I can't imagine how hard that is with a baby. Can you cut your hours or take a semester off to regroup? I wouldn't give up on it altogether. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 806
Location: Arkansas | Three 4 Luck - 2014-03-07 7:43 AM Zanadoo88 - 2014-03-06 10:51 PM Thank you everyone for your advise and your support. I don't know what my husband and I are going through but it sucks! I feel overwhelmed with all that I have to do and our relationship has been quite rocky lately. The last two nights we have discussed separation and divorce which I do not want. It just seems like we can't make each other happy and I wonder if I just have too much going on. I feel like the only thing I can decrease is the horses and he absolutely does not want me to stop that..but I am going to school and want to finish because it is important to me and the job I work is a family business and I like helping my parents out. He thinks I should quite school but then I feel like I would feel like a failure. I just don't know what to do. Is it normal to have these feelings between spouses after a year of marriage and having a child? I just feel like I have absolutely no interest in any kind of affection. Yes, it's normal. You're exhausted, you've got a baby hanging off of you for hours a day and likely waking you up at night...it's kind of hard to welcome anyone else wanting to touch you or get up the energy to show affection. It's hard enough when you're not trying to be everything to everyone, but 100 times worse when you are. The worst lie society has ever told women is you can have it all and all at the same time. We are not super heroes, and it's physically and mentally impossible to keep that up for any amount of time--something will give way and you do NOT want that something to be your marriage, your health, or your sanity. That's where lowering your expectations of yourself comes in. I wouldn't quit riding, but I would back off my goals for a while and just enjoy them when you can. They should be stress relief, not a cause of stress. I don't know what to tell you about school, but I can't imagine how hard that is with a baby. Can you cut your hours or take a semester off to regroup? I wouldn't give up on it altogether.
Great advice! Also, there is a show that has been coming on some of the "church" channels called Marriage Today. I was actually up rocking my crying baby and sat on the remote and it was on. The man was describing my relationship to a T. It has really helped me see things from my husband's perspective and vice versa. I know where you are at. In the past 4 years, I have been married, had two children, completed one master's and now am in the last semester of a program of study. I will say this, the time with your babies absolutely FLIES and the horses will still be there. Your baby is going to grow and change so much. SOAK it up. I wish you all the best. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 540
Location: My own little world :) | Thank you all for your words of wisdom and support. It is good to hear that this is somewhat normal and it is also good to hear it from someone else that maybe I need to readjust my responsibilities in order to be happy. It amazes me already how much my little girl has changed so I definitely want to spend all the time with her that I can. Thank you again for the advise! I appreciate it!  |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 602
| Three 4 Luck - 2014-03-07 5:43 AM
Zanadoo88 - 2014-03-06 10:51 PM Thank you everyone for your advise and your support. I don't know what my husband and I are going through but it sucks! I feel overwhelmed with all that I have to do and our relationship has been quite rocky lately. The last two nights we have discussed separation and divorce which I do not want. It just seems like we can't make each other happy and I wonder if I just have too much going on. I feel like the only thing I can decrease is the horses and he absolutely does not want me to stop that..but I am going to school and want to finish because it is important to me and the job I work is a family business and I like helping my parents out. He thinks I should quite school but then I feel like I would feel like a failure. I just don't know what to do. Is it normal to have these feelings between spouses after a year of marriage and having a child? I just feel like I have absolutely no interest in any kind of affection.
Yes, it's normal. You're exhausted, you've got a baby hanging off of you for hours a day and likely waking you up at night...it's kind of hard to welcome anyone else wanting to touch you or get up the energy to show affection. It's hard enough when you're not trying to be everything to everyone, but 100 times worse when you are. The worst lie society has ever told women is you can have it all and all at the same time. We are not super heroes, and it's physically and mentally impossible to keep that up for any amount of time--something will give way and you do NOT want that something to be your marriage, your health, or your sanity. That's where lowering your expectations of yourself comes in. I wouldn't quit riding, but I would back off my goals for a while and just enjoy them when you can. They should be stress relief, not a cause of stress. I don't know what to tell you about school, but I can't imagine how hard that is with a baby. Can you cut your hours or take a semester off to regroup? I wouldn't give up on it altogether.
^^^^agreed. Being married and having kids is not easy. Seems like if you can get through the first year then things start to smooth out. Your husband probably expects you to still provide the same attention before the baby came. Men dont understand what women go through when they are new moms. Its difficult. My husband and I fought alot during the first year. |
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 Veteran
Posts: 168
Location: Wyoming | I absolutely agree with Three4Luck. We had been married 8 years and worked together every single day and best friends. We now have 2 boys 2 and 3 years old. It has changed the dynamic of our marriage. My husband misses the attention I used to give him, he is wonderful, supporting, doesn't complain but they need to know we still love them. It is always about us mom's and the kids and we forget the effect it has on the guys. Yes, I love him wholeheartedly but after a day with two boys wanted all my attention and affection I just want to sleep and have alone time by night so I struggle with showing hubby affection also. Plus add hormone changes after giving birth and you don't feel like anyone touching you with a ten foot pole. Its difficult.
I was lucky enough I barely missed a beat with my horses but I have a huge support system. Even with that it is difficult at times.
If I was you I would set priorities. Your marriage and child should come first. It will be even more difficult as a single parent. Then figure out what is more important to you. Ask your self if you have to work cause you need the money or not, would you feel like more of a failure quitting school or letting your marriage fail, etc. Really dig deep. I couldn't do it with all that on my plate I would be miserable. |
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Veteran
Posts: 221
Location: Canada | It's definitely not easy and some things will have to be sacrificed over others. I've been married for 4 years now and our LO will be 1 at the end of the month. I started riding about a month after he was born and competed at some events during the summer. At the events i have a friend who also had 2 kids and we would watch each others kids while we rode and competed providing we weren't back to back. To exercise when he was content to stay in the stroller I would park him near by and ride my horses, I don't have an arena so this was done on grass in the field, I would text someone when I started and finished so if something happened someone would know to come look for me and get the baby inside. I have family in town so to ride at the arena I would drop him off at someone's while I got my arena work done. Over the winter here I've I used the side by side and ponied my 2 to keep fit while I wasn't at the arena. My hubby plowed a track around our field as we got more than 3ft of snow this year. If your wondering where my hubby is for riding, he also works long hours and is hardly home. I go back to work right away and my job has very long hours so it will be trying for me, I am gone from latest 6am to 7pm, so plan is come home spend time with LO and family until everyone goes to bed then go ride, I ride with a head lamp after dark a fair bit also. I guess where there's a will there's a way, you have to be realistic about your expectations, I have 2 that are running and 2 2yr olds that needed to be started this year, I would like to sell one if not 2 of them as I know I can't handle that many. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 540
Location: My own little world :) | wheels2 - 2014-03-12 8:28 AM
It's definitely not easy and some things will have to be sacrificed over others. I've been married for 4 years now and our LO will be 1 at the end of the month. I started riding about a month after he was born and competed at some events during the summer. At the events i have a friend who also had 2 kids and we would watch each others kids while we rode and competed providing we weren't back to back. To exercise when he was content to stay in the stroller I would park him near by and ride my horses, I don't have an arena so this was done on grass in the field, I would text someone when I started and finished so if something happened someone would know to come look for me and get the baby inside. I have family in town so to ride at the arena I would drop him off at someone's while I got my arena work done. Over the winter here I've I used the side by side and ponied my 2 to keep fit while I wasn't at the arena. My hubby plowed a track around our field as we got more than 3ft of snow this year. If your wondering where my hubby is for riding, he also works long hours and is hardly home. I go back to work right away and my job has very long hours so it will be trying for me, I am gone from latest 6am to 7pm, so plan is come home spend time with LO and family until everyone goes to bed then go ride, I ride with a head lamp after dark a fair bit also. I guess where there's a will there's a way, you have to be realistic about your expectations, I have 2 that are running and 2 2yr olds that needed to be started this year, I would like to sell one if not 2 of them as I know I can't handle that many.
Wow!! Great job!! That is dedication!! I never thought to ride with a head lamp...that is a great idea! I guess I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and get to work! |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1034
| I have three kids and I'm pregnant with the fourth. I work ful time and so does my hubby (both police officers with crazy schedules). DONT QUIT!!!!
Be realistic though. You don't have time to train a young one. If you have a youngster, either sell it or send it to a trainer who has the time to dedicate to doing it right. Get a finished, dependable, veteran who you can just keep legged up and don't have to be super consistent with. You may end up with an older horse with maintenance or something not 1D, but you'll still be in the game and you'll need the mental health benefits.
Going down to one horse may free up the $$ for a babysitter or play equipment to keep them busy. Some day you'll need a pony. But don't quit. |
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Being a New Mother and Barrel Racing? I'm losing hope :)