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 Underestimated Underdog
Posts: 3971
    
Location: Minnesota | I posted about a year ago about my dad who lives with my husband and I and he has early stages of Alzheimer's. I tired to find the thread because there was several people who commented saying they are or have experience dealing with this. Could someone who has gone through this please PM me. I need some help with a few things.
Thank you. |
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 Lived to tell about it and will never do it again
Posts: 5409
| Many many Prayers for you and your family. I lost my sister when she was just 51 to Alzheimer's.
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Underestimated Underdog
Posts: 3971
Location: Minnesota |
I'm just having a really hard time with it. I'm an only child so the responsibility of caring for him falls on me. He's 71. |
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Lived to tell about it and will never do it again
Posts: 5409
| There was no other choice but to put her in a nursing home as she was getting dangerous. Just know that no matter how much you want and how hard you try to do it all you aren't a failure if you can't. We aren't professionals and can only do so much. They deserve to be in a place that can help them with the terrible disease.
Again prayers for you. |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | I'm really sorry you are going through this dear. Thinking of you! |
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 How freakish is that?
Posts: 3927
Location: Oregon | I went through this with my dad. My parents live 200 feet from me so all the responsibility fell on me also. It's a tough row to hoe, I am sorry you are going through this. I finally had to put my dad in a home where he lived for 2 years then passed away.
Even the home wasn't that successful though as my dad had spells where he thought all the other people at the home were intruders and he got pretty violent. They aren't able by law to restrain them so I would have to go in and get him in his room and keep him there against his will til he calmed down.
Edited by crapshooter 2014-03-23 10:35 PM
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Blessed 
Location: Here |
Amen |
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Blessed
Location: Here | crapshooter - 2014-03-23 8:09 PM I went through this with my dad. My parents live 200 feet from me so all the responsibility fell on me also. It's a tough row to hoe, I am sorry you are going through this. I finally had to put my dad in a home where he lived for 2 years then passed away.
Even the home wasn't that successful though as my dad had spells where he thought all the other people at the home were intruders and he got pretty violent. They aren't able by law to restrain them so I and would would have to go in and get him in his room and keep him there against his will til he calmed down.
 You were a good daughter. Hugs to you |
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 Expert
Posts: 1384
Location: Kansas | Between my father and I, the church and home health care we were able to keep my step mother at home until her last 3 weeks. It was very rough and I could not imagine doing it alone.
Reach out and contact all home health care, social servives and other agancies you can. Her Dr's office should be able to give you good leads
I feel for you and are sending prayers your way
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 Living within my means
Posts: 5128
Location: Randolph, Utah | My sister does live in care and she is taking care of an Alzheimer's patient now. She works 3 24 hour shifts and stays right in the house with him and his wife (who is fine she doesn't do anything with her) maybe you could look into something like that, keep him out of a home but give you some relief. |
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How freakish is that?
Posts: 3927
Location: Oregon | SG. - 2014-03-23 8:13 PM crapshooter - 2014-03-23 8:09 PM I went through this with my dad. My parents live 200 feet from me so all the responsibility fell on me also. It's a tough row to hoe, I am sorry you are going through this. I finally had to put my dad in a home where he lived for 2 years then passed away.
Even the home wasn't that successful though as my dad had spells where he thought all the other people at the home were intruders and he got pretty violent. They aren't able by law to restrain them so I and would would have to go in and get him in his room and keep him there against his will til he calmed down. You were a good daughter. Hugs to you
Thanks SG, I appreciate it.
I will say even though it was horrifying to watch this happen to my father it was also really interesting to see what can happen to the human brain. And we had some really great moments, when he wasn't being aggressive he was much much nicer than he had been when he was normal and we actually bonded more with him after he had dementia than before. And the caregivers were phenomenal, those people deserve medals. I know there are a lot of crappy ones out there but there are so many great ones also. |
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Blessed
Location: Here | crapshooter - 2014-03-23 10:42 PM SG. - 2014-03-23 8:13 PM crapshooter - 2014-03-23 8:09 PM I went through this with my dad. My parents live 200 feet from me so all the responsibility fell on me also. It's a tough row to hoe, I am sorry you are going through this. I finally had to put my dad in a home where he lived for 2 years then passed away.
Even the home wasn't that successful though as my dad had spells where he thought all the other people at the home were intruders and he got pretty violent. They aren't able by law to restrain them so I and would would have to go in and get him in his room and keep him there against his will til he calmed down. You were a good daughter. Hugs to you
I will say even though it was horrifying to watch this happen to my father it was also really interesting to see what can happen to the human brain. And we had some really great moments, when he wasn't being aggressive he was much much nicer than he had been when he was normal and we actually bonded more with him after he had dementia than before. And the caregivers were phenomenal, those people deserve medals. I know there are a lot of crappy ones out there but there are so many great ones also.
I agree It takes a very special person to work there. I am glad you had some good times through it. My uncle is suffering from it and has been for over 8 years My Aunt has finally accepted it and doing good with him in a care facilty She was some caregiver until last year he is 90 and she is 88 |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Its a horrible way to watch your parent slip away like this. Hugs girl you have your hands full. |
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Rad Dork
Posts: 5218
Location: Oklahoma | I am so sorry you're going thru this. My grandpa is 94 and we're having to live with it as well. Such a sad thing to see. I'm sorry that I cannot be of help, but I will keep you in my prayers. |
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Member
Posts: 17
Location: Iowa | Going thru the same thing right now. My father in law came a week ago tomorrow night to live with us in our single wide. (yes, it is cramped now) I has not been a week yet and I am about to go crazy. Alzheimers is not fun to deal with at all. Hopefully the out door barrel races will begin here in Iowa soon & I can get away on the weekends. I am not programed for this and do not have the patience that it takes. My hat is off to those who can deal with Alzheimers!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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 Special Somebody
Posts: 3951
Location: Finally horseback again.... | I lost my Dad 18 month ago to it.
Horrible disease...
You can message me anytime if you need to talk.
I will pm you my cell number.
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1056
| I lost my husband because of it. 36 hour day is the name of a good book to read. u can get it used on amazon for about three dollars. i feel sorry for the family of those with dementia. very hard on care givers. the one with dementia does not realize much in the middle and late stages. they can drive a sane person crazy if you don't have help. horrible disease.......worse than cancer in my opinion |
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 Balance Beam and more...
Posts: 11511
Location: 31 lengths farms | My mom has Dementia, we've been dealing with this for almost 11 years, for 10 years it was basically just me and my dad who is now 83 caring for her. Last year he found a woman that had worked at a home for Adults with mental issues to help caretake for my mom during the day to give my dad a break.
I will say there is not much harder than dealing with this disease, you feel like an outsider even in your own life. Even trips to town had to be carefully planned, make sure that Dad didn't have something scheduled to do or simply getting away over night with my fiancé required trying to arrange with my one sibling who was still willing to help to be available the same weekend. I didn't realize how hard things were as it was simply how we lived until sadly my mom had a stroke on Christmas night and spent 3 days in the hospital then was release to a rehab home but between the Dementia and the stroke she has not regained the ability to walk and my parents old home and bathroom is not wheelchair friendly.
If there is anyway you can get the help in the home DO IT!!!! Inquire at your church to see if there is anyone who could give you a few hours break a couple times a week. I love my mom and gave 11 years of mine and my fiancé's life to helping her and my family and I dont' regret it, it allowed her to stay home a very long time but it was all consuming. Hence the reason my fiancé is still my fiancé and not my husband, certain things take a back burner. |
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  The Original Cyber Bartender
Location: Washington | It's the toughest job you will ever do.
Be prepared for the highs and lows, my Mom never got mean, but she would go into a deep depression, non responsive just lost. Allow them to live in their moments, not yours, go with the flow. When they forget who you are be anyone they think you are. I was Vanna White one day!
And never be afraid to look for help, it's out there. Just try and make sure the help is the same person everytime, change really throws them and they either react with anger or a complete melt down of trust. Schedule is a must...I repeat this again...A Must. Muscle memory takes over for many things for them in the early stages.
I could go on but bless you for doing this.
You have gotten some great advice here. |
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Underestimated Underdog
Posts: 3971
Location: Minnesota | Yes, thank you everyone for the advice. Unfortunately my dad was already mean and angry before this and I couldn't imagine things getting worse but I know they will.
Thank you to those who have PM me as well. BHW is truly a blessing. |
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How freakish is that?
Posts: 3927
Location: Oregon | Ctrygirl14 - 2014-03-24 3:47 PM Yes, thank you everyone for the advice. Unfortunately my dad was already mean and angry before this and I couldn't imagine things getting worse but I know they will. Thank you to those who have PM me as well. BHW is truly a blessing. Do you have a doctor? Can you get some meds?
If I knew then what I know now I would have kept him drugged up and at home longer. I was so afraid of the meds when I first started and then later I kept a supply in my purse for emergencies.
"They" (whoever "they" are) are against drugs for elderly dementia patients but I think "they" have never had a large angry man with dementia for a parent.
ETA: I'm talking about antipsychotic drugs mostly. My dad was on Seroquil every day for the aggression and Xanax for emergencies. Also Aricept and Namenda.
Edited by crapshooter 2014-03-24 6:18 PM
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Alzheimer's/Dementia