|
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 616
 
Location: Texas | I am a mess today, my husband and I are not speaking. During the past 2 months a 18 year old girl and her brother are showing up at my house to rope, they are from a recently divorced family, the father is not in the picture, they live with the mother, the mother showed up with them once, I may be wrong but I told my husband I did Not want them there unless I was home too. I am not fond of the fact I am at work and a divorced woman is at my house with my husband while I am at work, and she has only came once but it can happen again,that being said she has a so called boyfriend which was her best friend's husband, that's the reason behind all these feelings I am having..... My husband and I have split up twice before, each time he was cheating. I know I asked for this, but anyway I get home from work yesterday and the two kids are there ,she isn't, but I told him I did not want them there unless I was home , so I am the B&@$& now and I was called that 4 times yesterday. The kids keep coming over because my husband keeps inviting them.... Am I being a b$@&$???? Just need an outsiders thoughts |
|
| |
|
 Good Grief!
Posts: 6343
  
Location: Cap'n Joan Rotgut.....alberta | i dont think the kids and their mom are the problem.............jmo
m |
|
| |
|
 Miss Laundry Misshap
Posts: 5271
| My first thought is why are you still with the hubby if he's cheated twice. One time, with counseling and reconsiliation, etc MAYBE stay together. Twice...No freakin way.
That being said, I understand not wanting other people on your property when you aren't there, but if he's there and it's his property too, he can kind of do what he wants. He's inviting them, so unless you are cutting him off from the outside world, he can do that. Kids showing up uninvited, diff. story.
It seems to me that you are trying to keep the kids away because you don't want their mom showing up and seducing your hubby. If you are that worried about hubby, see first paragraph. |
|
| |
|
 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | OMG you're husband is a jerk for acting this way to you, this is your home and you have the right to feel the way you are feeling, you are NOT a bi**h, but he is a JERK. Ugggg I hate this, I feel that you feel like he will cheat on you again, pack his bags.  |
|
| |
|
 Tried and True
Posts: 21185
Location: Where I am happiest | Well......it's your house to and your family.......BUT, why the problem with the kids coming to rope? I think it's great your husband has taken an interest in these kids who's dad appearantly isnt man enough. Kudos to your husband for stepping up to help these kids. My advice, is not to rock the boat with these kids and get a real handle on your jealousy and imagination. I've been there so I know the tune all to well and quite frankly, you are driving yourself crazy. You have to let it go. No amount of worry and fretting is going to keep your husband faithfull if he chooses not to be. However, I honestly dont see anything in this scenerio to get wound up about. |
|
| |
|
Good Grief!
Posts: 6343
Location: Cap'n Joan Rotgut.....alberta | ThreeCorners - 2014-04-24 1:31 PM Well......it's your house to and your family.......BUT, why the problem with the kids coming to rope? I think it's great your husband has taken an interest in these kids who's dad appearantly isnt man enough. Kudos to your husband for stepping up to help these kids. My advice, is not to rock the boat with these kids and get a real handle on your jealousy and imagination. I've been there so I know the tune all to well and quite frankly, you are driving yourself crazy. You have to let it go. No amount of worry and fretting is going to keep your husband faithfull if he chooses not to be. However, I honestly dont see anything in this scenerio to get wound up about.
well said..........
m |
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 616
Location: Texas | Nateracer - 2014-04-23 2:29 PM
My first thought is why are you still with the hubby if he's cheated twice. One time, with counseling and reconsiliation, etc MAYBE stay together. Twice...No freakin way.
That being said, I understand not wanting other people on your property when you aren't there, but if he's there and it's his property too, he can kind of do what he wants. He's inviting them, so unless you are cutting him off from the outside world, he can do that. Kids showing up uninvited, diff. story.
It seems to me that you are trying to keep the kids away because you don't want their mom showing up and seducing your hubby. If you are that worried about hubby, see first paragraph.
Yes the have been on the property with neither of us there,husband told them it was okay to use the 4 wheeler to pull the hot heels around. The seducing thing, yes your probably right |
|
| |
|
 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | I hate that you are with a "man" that has given you every reason not to trust him. In my experience...you have to go with your instincts on this and your feelings are likely completely justified.
My ex husband cheated...I stayed...he continued to break my trust so I got out.
I hate when people say you "need to deal with your own trust issues"...Well...when you have been burned before...twice even...by the same guy...I say you are justified in having these issues and if he has so little respect for you and your feelings as to call you names over fears that HE created. I'd be moving on...as soon as possible.
No one deserves to be treated like that.
|
|
| |
|
 Tough Patooty
Posts: 2615
Location: Sperry, OK | kickincans - 2014-04-23 2:37 PM Nateracer - 2014-04-23 2:29 PM My first thought is why are you still with the hubby if he's cheated twice. One time, with counseling and reconsiliation, etc MAYBE stay together. Twice...No freakin way.
That being said, I understand not wanting other people on your property when you aren't there, but if he's there and it's his property too, he can kind of do what he wants. He's inviting them, so unless you are cutting him off from the outside world, he can do that. Kids showing up uninvited, diff. story.
It seems to me that you are trying to keep the kids away because you don't want their mom showing up and seducing your hubby. If you are that worried about hubby, see first paragraph. Yes the have been on the property with neither of us there,husband told them it was okay to use the 4 wheeler to pull the hot heels around. The seducing thing, yes your probably right
No way would I want teenagers on my property using my 4 wheeler and hotheels, when they get hurt (I said WHEN), you are liable! If the mother has no more morals and values than to sleep with a friends husband, then she won't have any quams about sueing you either. JMO. |
|
| |
|
 Firecracker Dog Lover
Posts: 3175
| kickincans - 2014-04-23 12:37 PM Nateracer - 2014-04-23 2:29 PM My first thought is why are you still with the hubby if he's cheated twice. One time, with counseling and reconsiliation, etc MAYBE stay together. Twice...No freakin way.
That being said, I understand not wanting other people on your property when you aren't there, but if he's there and it's his property too, he can kind of do what he wants. He's inviting them, so unless you are cutting him off from the outside world, he can do that. Kids showing up uninvited, diff. story.
It seems to me that you are trying to keep the kids away because you don't want their mom showing up and seducing your hubby. If you are that worried about hubby, see first paragraph. Yes the have been on the property with neither of us there,husband told them it was okay to use the 4 wheeler to pull the hot heels around. The seducing thing, yes your probably right
This would bother me simply for liability reasons. They would not ride at my house period if no one was there. HUGE liabilitiy issue. The rest well, I will let everone else comment. |
|
| |
|
 Always Off Topic
Posts: 6382
Location: ND | if you're gonna stay together you either trust him or you don't....if you don't, then move on.....otherwise, don't b>>>> about something that's nothing.....
Edited by dhdqhllc 2014-04-23 2:44 PM
|
|
| |
|
Tough Patooty
Posts: 2615
Location: Sperry, OK | TrailGirl - 2014-04-23 2:39 PM I hate that you are with a "man" that has given you every reason not to trust him. In my experience...you have to go with your instincts on this and your feelings are likely completely justified.
My ex husband cheated...I stayed...he continued to break my trust so I got out.
I hate when people say you "need to deal with your own trust issues"...Well...when you have been burned before...twice even...by the same guy...I say you are justified in having these issues and if he has so little respect for you and your feelings as to call you names over fears that HE created. I'd be moving on...as soon as possible.
No one deserves to be treated like that.
AMEN! My husband cheated on me too, even had the nerve to tell me it was MY FAULT! However, at this stage of the relationship, I can guarantee you if I had feelings of insecurity that were caused by his previous actions, I would be respeceted! |
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 616
Location: Texas | Southtxponygirl - 2014-04-23 2:30 PM
OMG you're husband is a jerk for acting this way to you, this is your home and you have the right to feel the way you are feeling, you are NOT a bi**h, but he is a JERK. Ugggg I hate this, I feel that you feel like he will cheat on you again, pack his bags.
Yes I am guilty of thinking he may cheat again, but I put myself in this situation and I know if he wants to nothing I do is going to stop it ,just don't like the idea of being at work and this going on at my house
I asked him to put himself in this situation and how he would feel
|
|
| |
|
Miss Laundry Misshap
Posts: 5271
| I would ABSOLUTELY NOT let anyone on my property to use my mechanical things without a full disclosure statement being signed and dated. Because even if they have permission, if they get hurt, you are liable and not only that, they could sue.
|
|
| |
|
Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
Location: Somewhere in the middle of nowhere | TrailGirl - 2014-04-23 1:39 PM I hate that you are with a "man" that has given you every reason not to trust him. In my experience...you have to go with your instincts on this and your feelings are likely completely justified.
My ex husband cheated...I stayed...he continued to break my trust so I got out.
I hate when people say you "need to deal with your own trust issues"...Well...when you have been burned before...twice even...by the same guy...I say you are justified in having these issues and if he has so little respect for you and your feelings as to call you names over fears that HE created. I'd be moving on...as soon as possible.
No one deserves to be treated like that.
This is very well put... |
|
| |
|
 That's White "Man" to You
Posts: 5515
| I'd be more worried about the 18 yo girl than the mom. I know thats not helpful, but thats what I see in this. |
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 616
Location: Texas | ThreeCorners - 2014-04-23 2:31 PM
Well......it's your house to and your family.......BUT, why the problem with the kids coming to rope? I think it's great your husband has taken an interest in these kids who's dad appearantly isnt man enough. Kudos to your husband for stepping up to help these kids. My advice, is not to rock the boat with these kids and get a real handle on your jealousy and imagination. I've been there so I know the tune all to well and quite frankly, you are driving yourself crazy. You have to let it go. No amount of worry and fretting is going to keep your husband faithfull if he chooses not to be. However, I honestly dont see anything in this scenerio to get wound up about.
I understand what your saying that's why I wanted an outsiders view, I need to maybe reword .... When I said the dad is not in the picture, I meant he is not coming around,he has never came over and he is not what I would call a deadbeat , these kids come from money, the have anything he can give them, they had an arena at their old home and the high dollar horses and anything else they want,,,, the mother broke up her best friends marriage and is dating that guy..... That's why her kids have no arena to ride in, the place was sold in divorce and she is now renting
Her history is what triggered how I feel
|
|
| |
|
 The Original Cyber Bartender
Location: Washington | I am still trying to get over him calling you a b itch. A loving husband doesn't do this. AND as far as trust, it's the last thing he should get from you. He has been taught by someone that treating you as garbage is okay. Well it's not. Kick him to the curb. |
|
| |
|
| You don't trust your husband that's the problem. You have to realize that if he is going to cheat on you again you can't do anything to stop that and that includes restricting who comes to the house and when they come. It sounds as though you totally expect him to cheat again and you're blaming this divorced lady for your feelings and she's kind of an innocent bystander. You would think that he would respect your feelings enough to understand why you feel the way you do even if he doesn't think you have anything to worry about. You have some serious marital problems. |
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 616
Location: Texas | TrailGirl - 2014-04-23 2:39 PM
I hate that you are with a "man" that has given you every reason not to trust him. In my experience...you have to go with your instincts on this and your feelings are likely completely justified.
My ex husband cheated...I stayed...he continued to break my trust so I got out.
I hate when people say you "need to deal with your own trust issues"...Well...when you have been burned before...twice even...by the same guy...I say you are justified in having these issues and if he has so little respect for you and your feelings as to call you names over fears that HE created. I'd be moving on...as soon as possible.
No one deserves to be treated like that.
Thanks you have related and I may be weak but it hurts, that's the reason I have given the second chances is because I do love the man, I knew the trust issue would be hard and it is
|
|
| |
|
 Expert
Posts: 1857
| runs4fun - 2014-04-23 2:52 PM You don't trust your husband that's the problem. You have to realize that if he is going to cheat on you again you can't do anything to stop that and that includes restricting who comes to the house and when they come. It sounds as though you totally expect him to cheat again and you're blaming this divorced lady for your feelings and she's kind of an innocent bystander. You would think that he would respect your feelings enough to understand why you feel the way you do even if he doesn't think you have anything to worry about. You have some serious marital problems.
Yeah.....he cheated on her twice! Her not trusting him isn't the problem, the problem is that he cheated on her, doesn't respect her feelings, and she is not strong enough to leave him yet. To the OP.... You'll finally get enough one day and realize that you deserve more than what your getting. Until then, unfortunatly, this drama will be something you will be dealing with. Goodluck |
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 616
Location: Texas | FlyingJT - 2014-04-23 3:08 PM
runs4fun - 2014-04-23 2:52 PM You don't trust your husband that's the problem. You have to realize that if he is going to cheat on you again you can't do anything to stop that and that includes restricting who comes to the house and when they come. It sounds as though you totally expect him to cheat again and you're blaming this divorced lady for your feelings and she's kind of an innocent bystander. You would think that he would respect your feelings enough to understand why you feel the way you do even if he doesn't think you have anything to worry about. You have some serious marital problems.
Yeah.....he cheated on her twice! Her not trusting him isn't the problem, the problem is that he cheated on her, doesn't respect her feelings, and she is not strong enough to leave him yet. To the OP.... You'll finally get enough one day and realize that you deserve more than what your getting. Until then, unfortunatly, this drama will be something you will be dealing with. Goodluck
You pretty much explained exactly how I feel, and I know one day if these things continue, the off switch will finally be there and I will close the door and move on from a 12 year old marriage
|
|
| |
|
 Friendly horse swapper
Posts: 4122
Location: Buffalo, TX | First of all, because he cheated, he owes you COMPLETE COMPLIANCE to whatever you need in any situation to make you feel secure....and for whatever length of time you need that to get your trust back...
That being said, it's obvious you still don't trust him, and he doesn't "get it" that he better grovel and pay the piper and do whatever it takes to be appreciative that you took him back and to earn your trust again....
You deserve to be in a marriage or relationship with complete trust in any situation and to be treated with respect...HE DOES NOT RESPECT YOU OR YOUR FEELINGS, and just that would lead me to believe you have every reason to think he would cheat again.....
You took him back, you say you love him...well, this is the price you pay to have him....is there any guy out there really worth putting up with being called a biatch??...are you kidding me?.....you are teaching him how to treat you...it never ceases to amaze me how couples can call each other gutter names and still live in the same house....
Your problem is not the kids or their mother....it's your marriage dynamic....personally, I'd tell him to get packing and come back when he grows up (if you are still available by then)....do you really need this drama and such an immature man (for lack of a better term)?
I know it's hard, but step back and ask yourself if this is what you want in 5-10-20 years?...don't waste your life...there are good guys out there who won't put you through this....I'd rather be by myself than allow someone to treat me like this.
|
|
| |
|
 Cheers!
Posts: 1127
Location: Its on the House | Its beyond my comprehension how anyone could stay in a relationship without "trust" Trust is a major part of a marrage along with respect and compassion. Shame on him for not understanding your fears. This my dear is where the problem lays. Good luck |
|
| |
|
A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | kickincans - 2014-04-23 2:45 PM Southtxponygirl - 2014-04-23 2:30 PM OMG you're husband is a jerk for acting this way to you, this is your home and you have the right to feel the way you are feeling, you are NOT a bi**h, but he is a JERK. Ugggg I hate this, I feel that you feel like he will cheat on you again, pack his bags. Yes I am guilty of thinking he may cheat again, but I put myself in this situation and I know if he wants to nothing I do is going to stop it ,just don't like the idea of being at work and this going on at my house I asked him to put himself in this situation and how he would feel
I would think you and you yourself that you deserve being treated much better then this. Hes really disrepecting you and these kids should not be allowed on your place without you are husband being there, and these kids should respect that, but sounds like they dont care either way. And your husband is not trust worthy at all it seems, and I agree with Whiteboy, I think I would be watching out for the 18 year old girl. Hugs cause I think you need all you can get |
|
| |
|
Veteran
Posts: 185
| Sudden interest in an 18 year old girl and some brother - may not sound like such the selfless fatherly act to me. I have no idea how old the husband is or anything else about the situation - its not the mother I would be worried about (at least not only) - its the 18 year old girl that may have his interest.
Wouldn't be the first time an older man has fancied a young girl.
Again no idea, don't know the poster or her situation or the hubby. I'm still fairly new to the board. Guy sounds like a jerk tho. |
|
| |
|
Tough Patooty
Posts: 2615
Location: Sperry, OK | Cindy Hamilton - 2014-04-23 3:23 PM First of all, because he cheated, he owes you COMPLETE COMPLIANCE to whatever you need in any situation to make you feel secure....and for whatever length of time you need that to get your trust back...
That being said, it's obvious you still don't trust him, and he doesn't "get it" that he better grovel and pay the piper and do whatever it takes to be appreciative that you took him back and to earn your trust again....
You deserve to be in a marriage or relationship with complete trust in any situation and to be treated with respect...HE DOES NOT RESPECT YOU OR YOUR FEELINGS, and just that would lead me to believe you have every reason to think he would cheat again.....
You took him back, you say you love him...well, this is the price you pay to have him....is there any guy out there really worth putting up with being called a biatch??...are you kidding me?.....you are teaching him how to treat you...it never ceases to amaze me how couples can call each other gutter names and still live in the same house....
Your problem is not the kids or their mother....it's your marriage dynamic....personally, I'd tell him to get packing and come back when he grows up (if you are still available by then)....do you really need this drama and such an immature man (for lack of a better term)?
I know it's hard, but step back and ask yourself if this is what you want in 5-10-20 years?...don't waste your life...there are good guys out there who won't put you through this....I'd rather be by myself than allow someone to treat me like this.
And this what what we call a "nutshell". |
|
| |
|
 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1119
| CowgirlLindz - 2014-04-23 3:30 PM Sudden interest in an 18 year old girl and some brother - may not sound like such the selfless fatherly act to me. I have no idea how old the husband is or anything else about the situation - its not the mother I would be worried about (at least not only) - its the 18 year old girl that may have his interest. Wouldn't be the first time an older man has fancied a young girl. Again no idea, don't know the poster or her situation or the hubby. I'm still fairly new to the board. Guy sounds like a jerk tho.
Honestly, that is where I thought this thread was going when I read the first line....
I don't have any other advice really, but the first time my husband called me a ***** I would have smacked him with a frying pan. |
|
| |
|
I Really Love Jeans
Posts: 3173
Location: North Dakota | Why does he have a sudden interest in the two grown kids? And calling you a B becuase you don't want teenagers running around your property is just WRONG period. Sounds like you need you keep and eye on hubby again because unless he is the "youth leader" for your local church he is up to something again!!!! I would do some investigating, have a family member help you, because taking in a family like this just to be nice to them is crap! Don't nag him about it, just dig for facts and if he is cheating again dump him! You are worth more than that! |
|
| |
|
 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | MissouriJen - 2014-04-23 3:40 PM CowgirlLindz - 2014-04-23 3:30 PM Sudden interest in an 18 year old girl and some brother - may not sound like such the selfless fatherly act to me. I have no idea how old the husband is or anything else about the situation - its not the mother I would be worried about (at least not only) - its the 18 year old girl that may have his interest. Wouldn't be the first time an older man has fancied a young girl. Again no idea, don't know the poster or her situation or the hubby. I'm still fairly new to the board. Guy sounds like a jerk tho. Honestly, that is where I thought this thread was going when I read the first line....
I don't have any other advice really, but the first time my husband called me a ***** I would have smacked him with a frying pan.
Remind me to stay on your good side!!!! |
|
| |
|
 Member
Posts: 33
Location: Florida | Sorry that you are going through this... It sucks when someone you love so much breaks your heart in such a cruel way.
Like others have said, a marriage is built on trust and if youve been burned so many times it is going to take A LOT to build that trust back up.... if your husband, being the cheater that he is, gave a **** about your marriage he would do whatever he could to earn back your trust.... it is not that you are saying that the kids cant come rope it is just that you prefer if they came when you were home as well... given your prior situation and the sleeze ball's track record that is not an unreasonable request. Men can be so one minded and not truly see the issue at hand, so I would try to approach your concern to him in a way that makes him understand it a lil better (maybe a mutual friend, male friend if available)... If still no cigar, then I would say peace out and move on. Life is too short to try for a guy that wont try for you and miss out on a life with a good man that will treat you right and NOT cheat on you... |
|
| |
|
 Ima Fickle Fan
Posts: 3547
Location: Texas | The fact that he called you that multiple times tells me that more than roping lessons are going on...  |
|
| |
|
 Expert
Posts: 1273
Location: South Dakota | I think your gut feelings are probably right. Plus why are they all at home "playing" while you are working. He needs to respect and honor you. |
|
| |
|
 More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | Why are you still with him? You can't say you love him if you have so much problem with trusting him, he can't love you if he cheated on you a couple times (that you know of) and also calls you a B. This is one of those times in your life you need to pull on your big girl panties and walk away. Start fresh and be happy. |
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 616
Location: Texas | The kids are home schooled and husband is self employed, that is another thing I brought up, I got off at 4 why couldn't this be done when I got ho |
|
| |
|
 Expert
Posts: 3004
Location: nearby | Fact - you do not trust him
Fact - he's cheated on you twice
I don't blame you, I would not like the situation you're in but he just might be taking an interest in the boy and girl to get to develop a relationship with their Mom. IMO, I would "give him enough rope to hang him". Let him do whatever, whenever. You're right, if he wants to cheat, he will and if he does, I would not want him! If you keep letting him know you do not trust him, that is not going to work. |
|
| |
|
 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| Sounds like you're in a terrible situation. Big hugs!! Just do what your gut tells you. My folks hammered out a silent, cold marriage while I was growing up. Tons of fun to be in that environment. I truly wish they'd just split the blanket early, because I promise you I knew things were wrong by the time I was 10. They could have both been happy. They blew it.
Don't give up on happiness with someone who is worthy. Your current man doesn't sound like he's worth a darn in your life, besides as an anchor dragging you into the deep. We are all individuals to be respected and loved, and deserve someone who respects and loves us. Even your husband deserves to be in a relationship that he can respect and cherish. You deserve that relationship, too. Your kids deserve that relationship from each of you. So what if it's with different people?
Whatever you decide, just don't give up and tell yourself you're not worth being happy, because you are! |
|
| |
|
Expert
Posts: 1857
| kickincans - 2014-04-23 3:22 PM
FlyingJT - 2014-04-23 3:08 PM
runs4fun - 2014-04-23 2:52 PM You don't trust your husband that's the problem. You have to realize that if he is going to cheat on you again you can't do anything to stop that and that includes restricting who comes to the house and when they come. It sounds as though you totally expect him to cheat again and you're blaming this divorced lady for your feelings and she's kind of an innocent bystander. You would think that he would respect your feelings enough to understand why you feel the way you do even if he doesn't think you have anything to worry about. You have some serious marital problems.
Yeah.....he cheated on her twice! Her not trusting him isn't the problem, the problem is that he cheated on her, doesn't respect her feelings, and she is not strong enough to leave him yet. To the OP.... You'll finally get enough one day and realize that you deserve more than what your getting. Until then, unfortunatly, this drama will be something you will be dealing with. Goodluck
You pretty much explained exactly how I feel, and I know one day if these things continue, the off switch will finally be there and I will close the door and move on from a 12 year old marriage
how many years of marriage was actually good, before the cheating? That's how many years you'll be moving on from.. You can't make someone change and you can't be the only one that wants this marriage to work.
Edited by FlyingJT 2014-04-23 4:32 PM
|
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | kickincans - 2014-04-23 4:06 PM The kids are home schooled and husband is self employed, that is another thing I brought up, I got off at 4 why couldn't this be done when I got home
Because from what you have told us...YOUR feelings are not his top priority. Or even his second or third.
I feel for you. I have had those pit of your stomach...sick feelings just worrying and feeling helpless. I've been there. But you need to realize that as someone else has stated... "we teach people how to treat us"....and like it or not....he has learned that you will stay. All he has to do is appear to be sad or say he will not do it again...say he doesn't know what he was thinking...blah blah blah...but talk is easy. And now...time has passed and he feels he can go back to doing as he pleases and putting his needs/wants first. Well...if you aren't first on his list of wants and needs...guess what.
If nothing was going on...either with these folks or others...he should respect your concerns and show that by his actions. Calling you names tells me he is immature and selfish. Don't put up with it. Don't yell and fuss...just quietly put your affairs in order so you can move on. I'm sorry...you can't change him. And if sticking by him after all he has done hasn't earned his compassion and true appreciation...well...he doesn't deserve you.
|
|
| |
|
Friendly horse swapper
Posts: 4122
Location: Buffalo, TX | kickincans - 2014-04-23 4:06 PM The kids are home schooled and husband is self employed, that is another thing I brought up, I got off at 4 why couldn't this be done when I got ho
Because he doesn't want you there. |
|
| |
|
Cheers!
Posts: 1127
Location: Its on the House | Cindy Hamilton - 2014-04-23 4:31 PM kickincans - 2014-04-23 4:06 PM The kids are home schooled and husband is self employed, that is another thing I brought up, I got off at 4 why couldn't this be done when I got ho Because he doesn't want you there.
Bull's Eye |
|
| |
|
 A Barrel Of Monkeys
Posts: 12972
Location: Texas | So what's in it for him with inviting these people over all the time? I mean, I doubt he is just being "nice." If he is the type who likes to be admired and appreciated, you have more problems than you think. Narcissist comes to mind.
Really, I was married to a man like your husband. It broke my heart when we divorced, but funny how God has a plan. I'm so much happier without him and all his BS.
|
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 616
Location: Texas | crackerjack - 2014-04-23 4:09 PM
Fact - you do not trust him
Fact - he's cheated on you twice
I don't blame you, I would not like the situation you're in but he just might be taking an interest in the boy and girl to get to develop a relationship with their Mom. IMO, I would "give him enough rope to hang him". Let him do whatever, whenever. You're right, if he wants to cheat, he will and if he does, I would not want him! If you keep letting him know you do not trust him, that is not going to work.
"he just might be taking an interest in the boy and girl to get to develop a relationship with their Mom"
Those are my thoughts, we were at a roping Sat he called the boy asked him to come rope, not too long later here comes the mom with her boyfriend, an hr or so later I see the BF going to the bathroom she heads down to the end of the pen where her son is, my husband just happened to be sitting beside him, I see this happening so I walk up behind them, I didn't hear much just the boy telling my husband that he was going to leave, him and another kid is going to go chase women..... My husband's response "there ain't a whole lot of women here old enough for me to be chasing... I didn't say a word just walked away, so during our heated discussion yesterday, I ask if that was a hint to her that he would chase if given the go ahead |
|
| |
|
 Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | kickincans - 2014-04-23 3:21 PM I am a mess today, my husband and I are not speaking. During the past 2 months a 18 year old girl and her brother are showing up at my house to rope, they are from a recently divorced family, the father is not in the picture, they live with the mother, the mother showed up with them once, I may be wrong but I told my husband I did Not want them there unless I was home too. I am not fond of the fact I am at work and a divorced woman is at my house with my husband while I am at work, and she has only came once but it can happen again,that being said she has a so called boyfriend which was her best friend's husband, that's the reason behind all these feelings I am having..... My husband and I have split up twice before, each time he was cheating. I know I asked for this, but anyway I get home from work yesterday and the two kids are there ,she isn't, but I told him I did not want them there unless I was home , so I am the B&@$& now and I was called that 4 times yesterday. The kids keep coming over because my husband keeps inviting them.... Am I being a b$@&$???? Just need an outsiders thoughts all of a sudden a womans kids are coming over.. right after she divorces.. maybe dad left her for cheating on him..
think.............you do not know if Momma dearest is there during the day.. he isnt going to tell you.. to cozy to me
Edited by Bibliafarm 2014-04-23 7:56 PM
|
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 616
Location: Texas | Yes I know he isn't going to tell me, I work 25 min from home so if she is there I probably won't know. I know the solution to all this it just hurts right now to think I have allowed myself to be treated this way |
|
| |
|
Miss Laundry Misshap
Posts: 5271
| kickincans - 2014-04-23 8:22 PM
Yes I know he isn't going to tell me, I work 25 min from home so if she is there I probably won't know. I know the solution to all this it just hurts right now to think I have allowed myself to be treated this way
Knowing is 1/2 the battle. The other 1/2 is the action it takes to give him permission to be with whoever he wants...which isn't going to be you anymore! Set yourself free. |
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 616
Location: Texas | Nateracer - 2014-04-23 8:26 PM
kickincans - 2014-04-23 8:22 PM
Yes I know he isn't going to tell me, I work 25 min from home so if she is there I probably won't know. I know the solution to all this it just hurts right now to think I have allowed myself to be treated this way
Knowing is 1/2 the battle. The other 1/2 is the action it takes to give him permission to be with whoever he wants...which isn't going to be you anymore! Set yourself free.
That's the hardest half is letting go of someone you have spent 12 years with and learning how not to love that person anymore
|
|
| |
|
 You get what you give
Posts: 13030
Location: Texas | kickincans - 2014-04-23 8:29 PM
Nateracer - 2014-04-23 8:26 PM
kickincans - 2014-04-23 8:22 PM
Yes I know he isn't going to tell me, I work 25 min from home so if she is there I probably won't know. I know the solution to all this it just hurts right now to think I have allowed myself to be treated this way
Knowing is 1/2 the battle. The other 1/2 is the action it takes to give him permission to be with whoever he wants...which isn't going to be you anymore! Set yourself free.
That's the hardest half is letting go of someone you have spent 12 years with and learning how not to love that person anymore
I will pray for you. I don't have much advice because I haven't been there myself. Prayers that you will find strength and courage to get you through this rough time.
Have you tried counseling? |
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 616
Location: Texas | casualdust07 - 2014-04-23 8:42 PM
kickincans - 2014-04-23 8:29 PM
Nateracer - 2014-04-23 8:26 PM
kickincans - 2014-04-23 8:22 PM
Yes I know he isn't going to tell me, I work 25 min from home so if she is there I probably won't know. I know the solution to all this it just hurts right now to think I have allowed myself to be treated this way
Knowing is 1/2 the battle. The other 1/2 is the action it takes to give him permission to be with whoever he wants...which isn't going to be you anymore! Set yourself free.
That's the hardest half is letting go of someone you have spent 12 years with and learning how not to love that person anymore
I will pray for you. I don't have much advice because I haven't been there myself. Prayers that you will find strength and courage to get you through this rough time.
Have you tried counseling?
Thank you for the prayers,my husband and I did that when we got back together 4years ago, it helped, so maybe I could find someone to help me with my situation now |
|
| |
|
 Love Me Some Robert Redford
Posts: 2335
Location: WV | It's not that your feelings will be turned off from this man if something happened. It would mean you were able to move on and have some peace in your life. You would doing yourself a favor in the long run and saving yourself a lot of grief. Trust will always be an issue in your relationship if you can not get past what has happened and it does not sound like you are anywhere near close to that happening. Maybe some therapy would help. This will consume you if you do not get a hold of it now. I am sorry for what you are going threw but you also have the power to make it better. You are worth reaching for something better. This is just my thought on the situation from what I have read on here. Best of Luck. |
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 616
Location: Texas | mam0329 - 2014-04-23 8:50 PM
It's not that your feelings will be turned off from this man if something happened. It would mean you were able to move on and have some peace in your life. You would doing yourself a favor in the long run and saving yourself a lot of grief. Trust will always be an issue in your relationship if you can not get past what has happened and it does not sound like you are anywhere near close to that happening. Maybe some therapy would help. This will consume you if you do not get a hold of it now. I am sorry for what you are going threw but you also have the power to make it better. You are worth reaching for something better. This is just my thought on the situation from what I have read on here. Best of Luck.
Your right , it has already started consuming me. That is how I got to today, letting this eat at me, now i am a total wreck, had a hard time just getting thru work today |
|
| |
|
The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| You said you prayed 4 years ago, maybe go see your priest/pastor/reverend and seek guidance from him/her |
|
| |
|
10D Crack Champion
| Just don't come home until really late. When he asks where you were, tell him a recently divorced man asked you to help his twin 18 or 21 year old male model sons learn to ride horses at handsome divorced man's house. Then sucker punch him in the gut and run!
Actually just listen to Cindy Hamiliton. Her advice sounds better than mine. I think she is right on with her evaluation of your situation. You could use my advice first and then do whatever everyone else says just for the heck of it.
Edited by sodapop 2014-04-23 10:32 PM
|
|
| |
|
 Roan On The Range
Posts: 7889
Location: Stephenville, TX | Men who require a short leash are not worth the effort.
|
|
| |
|
 Living in Denial and Loving it
Posts: 1555
Location: minnesota | Leave him!!
Why put yourself through the misery of being cheated on again and again. Pack your bags and take your self respect with you. Being with a person like this will just turn you into a miserable, self loathing, pessimist. Leaving will only hurt for awhile, but staying will hurt forever.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. He's proven your feelings are worth nothing more to him than the dirt under his feet. Just move on. |
|
| |
|
Veteran
Posts: 165
| kickincans - 2014-04-23 7:44 PM
crackerjack - 2014-04-23 4:09 PM
Fact - you do not trust him
Fact - he's cheated on you twice
I don't blame you, I would not like the situation you're in but he just might be taking an interest in the boy and girl to get to develop a relationship with their Mom. IMO, I would "give him enough rope to hang him". Let him do whatever, whenever. You're right, if he wants to cheat, he will and if he does, I would not want him! If you keep letting him know you do not trust him, that is not going to work.
"he just might be taking an interest in the boy and girl to get to develop a relationship with their Mom"
Those are my thoughts, we were at a roping Sat he called the boy asked him to come rope, not too long later here comes the mom with her boyfriend, an hr or so later I see the BF going to the bathroom she heads down to the end of the pen where her son is, my husband just happened to be sitting beside him, I see this happening so I walk up behind them, I didn't hear much just the boy telling my husband that he was going to leave, him and another kid is going to go chase women..... My husband's response "there ain't a whole lot of women here old enough for me to be chasing... I didn't say a word just walked away, so during our heated discussion yesterday, I ask if that was a hint to her that he would chase if given the go ahead
If I overheard my husband saying there aint a whole lot of women here old enough for me to chase, I would be so furious, and hurt! Married men should not be talking like that. Ever! |
|
| |
|
 Elite Veteran
Posts: 889
Location: Kansas | There is a big difference between "loving" someone and being "in love" with someone. Once I learned the difference it was much easier to let go of my hurt feelings. I still "love" this person, but am not "in love" with them. Not sure if that makes any sense. However, that line of thinking and realization, for me allowed me to move on from a bad situation, in the past. Hoping you find peace in whatever you do. |
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 616
Location: Texas | JazzyGirl - 2014-04-23 11:26 PM
Leave him!!
Why put yourself through the misery of being cheated on again and again. Pack your bags and take your self respect with you. Being with a person like this will just turn you into a miserable, self loathing, pessimist. Leaving will only hurt for awhile, but staying will hurt forever.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. He's proven your feelings are worth nothing more to him than the dirt under his feet. Just move on.
These words are so very right
|
|
| |
|
 Forever Young
Posts: 6768
Location: relocated to Texas | kickincans - 2014-04-24 6:44 PM crackerjack - 2014-04-23 4:09 PM Fact - you do not trust him Fact - he's cheated on you twice I don't blame you, I would not like the situation you're in but he just might be taking an interest in the boy and girl to get to develop a relationship with their Mom. IMO, I would "give him enough rope to hang him". Let him do whatever, whenever. You're right, if he wants to cheat, he will and if he does, I would not want him! If you keep letting him know you do not trust him, that is not going to work. "he just might be taking an interest in the boy and girl to get to develop a relationship with their Mom" Those are my thoughts, we were at a roping Sat he called the boy asked him to come rope, not too long later here comes the mom with her boyfriend, an hr or so later I see the BF going to the bathroom she heads down to the end of the pen where her son is, my husband just happened to be sitting beside him, I see this happening so I walk up behind them, I didn't hear much just the boy telling my husband that he was going to leave, him and another kid is going to go chase women..... My husband's response "there ain't a whole lot of women here old enough for me to be chasing... I didn't say a word just walked away, so during our heated discussion yesterday, I ask if that was a hint to her that he would chase if given the go ahead
Make the decision that you like and respect yourself enough to walk away from someone who treats you like this.
I will add that he is really an insecure, little man. He is trying to make himself feel good by getting attention from women. This is about HIM, not about YOU. If you leave him, he will likely come crying wanting you back (speaking from experience here). Since he has already cheated TWICE, I would not give him a chance to do it a third time. He burned his right to be your husband card.
Edited by Hollywood's Fan 2014-04-24 9:27 AM
|
|
| |
|
Ima Fickle Fan
Posts: 3547
Location: Texas | Glittergirl - 2014-04-23 11:34 PM kickincans - 2014-04-23 7:44 PM crackerjack - 2014-04-23 4:09 PM Fact - you do not trust him Fact - he's cheated on you twice I don't blame you, I would not like the situation you're in but he just might be taking an interest in the boy and girl to get to develop a relationship with their Mom. IMO, I would "give him enough rope to hang him". Let him do whatever, whenever. You're right, if he wants to cheat, he will and if he does, I would not want him! If you keep letting him know you do not trust him, that is not going to work. "he just might be taking an interest in the boy and girl to get to develop a relationship with their Mom" Those are my thoughts, we were at a roping Sat he called the boy asked him to come rope, not too long later here comes the mom with her boyfriend, an hr or so later I see the BF going to the bathroom she heads down to the end of the pen where her son is, my husband just happened to be sitting beside him, I see this happening so I walk up behind them, I didn't hear much just the boy telling my husband that he was going to leave, him and another kid is going to go chase women..... My husband's response "there ain't a whole lot of women here old enough for me to be chasing... I didn't say a word just walked away, so during our heated discussion yesterday, I ask if that was a hint to her that he would chase if given the go ahead If I overheard my husband saying there aint a whole lot of women here old enough for me to chase, I would be so furious, and hurt! Married men should not be talking like that. Ever!
If I ever heard those words out of my husband's mouth, I would start doing a lot of planning and preparing. I would get all of my ducks in a row. I'd let him think everything was hunky-dorey and then I would slap him upside the head with divorce papers.
That comment tells me he has no respect for you or your relationship. Give him enough time and he'll cheat again. He hasn't changed his ways; he's just waiting for the opportunity. Sorry. |
|
| |
|
Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
Location: Somewhere in the middle of nowhere | I will be odd man out here....I won't tell you to leave him however I also will not tell you to stay. That is such a personal decision that only YOU can make and only when you are ready to make it. What I do want to say is please allow yourself the time you need to grieve the relationship you once had and wanted. When I divorced, I was heart broken, but not for my husband...but for my marriage. I will also say leaving him will not "fix" your trust issues, you will carry those until you can find peace and a true understanding of a trusting relationship. Many prayers to you no matter what you decide. |
|
| |
|
Veteran
Posts: 238
| Just playing devil's advocate here. Let's take the whole "cheating husband" out of the scenario and the fact that you know why the other parents are divorced.
This is a man who has found two capable young people to come rope with him. Roping isn't a single person activity. You need multiples, especially if you are team roping, but to help push cattle, run the chute etc. It's not always easy to find help, especially those who are young enough and with enough energy to run around doing the hard/dirty work. So he's found some willing victims.
Why during the day? Why not? If I didn't work during the day, I'd get all of my activities done before evening so I had my evenings open to enjoy friends and family. This from both sides. The kids to be home with mom and to visit with friends, the husband to be home with wife.
Why would mom stop by to watch her kids rope? Welllllll... because she's mom???? I mean, when I was young I asked my mom to come out and watch me every now and then. And sometimes she would bring the "man in her life."
I'm not on anyone's side, I'm just trying to throw a little reason onto this train that is running away on the "OMG He Cheated On You!" bandwagon. It could very well be completely innocent, and if anyone else came on here and asked this question about a normal relationship, people would be like, "What's the big deal?" Instead of "Fry the basta...!!!!"
Regardless of his past, there very well could be a reasonable explanation.
|
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | SpottedT - 2014-04-24 10:43 AM Just playing devil's advocate here. Let's take the whole "cheating husband" out of the scenario and the fact that you know why the other parents are divorced. This is a man who has found two capable young people to come rope with him. Roping isn't a single person activity. You need multiples, especially if you are team roping, but to help push cattle, run the chute etc. It's not always easy to find help, especially those who are young enough and with enough energy to run around doing the hard/dirty work. So he's found some willing victims. Why during the day? Why not? If I didn't work during the day, I'd get all of my activities done before evening so I had my evenings open to enjoy friends and family. This from both sides. The kids to be home with mom and to visit with friends, the husband to be home with wife. Why would mom stop by to watch her kids rope? Welllllll... because she's mom???? I mean, when I was young I asked my mom to come out and watch me every now and then. And sometimes she would bring the "man in her life." I'm not on anyone's side, I'm just trying to throw a little reason onto this train that is running away on the "OMG He Cheated On You!" bandwagon. It could very well be completely innocent, and if anyone else came on here and asked this question about a normal relationship, people would be like, "What's the big deal?" Instead of "Fry the basta...!!!!" Regardless of his past, there very well could be a reasonable explanation.
Why fry him in oil??
Because he is calling her a beyotch for having these concerns. Because he has apparently no concern/compassion for the insecurities and fears his behavior caused in the first place. Becuse her feelings don't seem to matter to him. |
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 616
Location: Texas | aggiejudger - 2014-04-24 9:25 AM
Glittergirl - 2014-04-23 11:34 PM kickincans - 2014-04-23 7:44 PM crackerjack - 2014-04-23 4:09 PM Fact - you do not trust him Fact - he's cheated on you twice I don't blame you, I would not like the situation you're in but he just might be taking an interest in the boy and girl to get to develop a relationship with their Mom. IMO, I would "give him enough rope to hang him". Let him do whatever, whenever. You're right, if he wants to cheat, he will and if he does, I would not want him! If you keep letting him know you do not trust him, that is not going to work. "he just might be taking an interest in the boy and girl to get to develop a relationship with their Mom" Those are my thoughts, we were at a roping Sat he called the boy asked him to come rope, not too long later here comes the mom with her boyfriend, an hr or so later I see the BF going to the bathroom she heads down to the end of the pen where her son is, my husband just happened to be sitting beside him, I see this happening so I walk up behind them, I didn't hear much just the boy telling my husband that he was going to leave, him and another kid is going to go chase women..... My husband's response "there ain't a whole lot of women here old enough for me to be chasing... I didn't say a word just walked away, so during our heated discussion yesterday, I ask if that was a hint to her that he would chase if given the go ahead If I overheard my husband saying there aint a whole lot of women here old enough for me to chase, I would be so furious, and hurt! Married men should not be talking like that. Ever!
That comment tells me he has no respect for you or your relationship. Give him enough time and he'll cheat again. He hasn't changed his ways; he's just waiting for the opportunity. Sorry.
Yes mam that is how I am feeling today
|
|
| |
|
Extreme Veteran
Posts: 399
| First off I wouldnt of been with him after the first time he cheated much less the second. My husband cheated on a previous girlfriend when he was younger and he told me about it. I flat out laid it out that if he EVER did it again. There would be no ifs ands or Buts about it we would be done and his stuff would be out in the yard. Also if he EVER spoke to me the way that you are describing yours it would simple get out. The Lack of respect that he is showing you dosnt represent a husband it represents a boy who obviously cant keep it in his pants. Find someone who thinks you hung the moon not someone who thinks he is gods gift to women. |
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 616
Location: Texas | nmeastplains - 2014-04-24 9:42 AM
I will be odd man out here....I won't tell you to leave him however I also will not tell you to stay. That is such a personal decision that only YOU can make and only when you are ready to make it. What I do want to say is please allow yourself the time you need to grieve the relationship you once had and wanted. When I divorced, I was heart broken, but not for my husband...but for my marriage. I will also say leaving him will not "fix" your trust issues, you will carry those until you can find peace and a true understanding of a trusting relationship. Many prayers to you no matter what you decide.
I know what your saying, when I went thru this 4years ago with him I did mourn and tried to give myself time and now I wonder why I gave him a second chance, but don't get me wrong I am hurting and trying to make the right decision now ....for myself .....to be happy
|
|
| |
|
 Wide Darn Open
Posts: 2141
| I didn't read this whole thread but I will say this...I know you love him but you have to be respected. Calling you that name is NOT acceptable. I had to walk away from a man that I truly loved and it felt like I was dying but I will not be disrespected. You have to love and respect yourself first and show him and everyone else you're way too good for that! |
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 616
Location: Texas | SpottedT - 2014-04-24 10:43 AM
Just playing devil's advocate here. Let's take the whole "cheating husband" out of the scenario and the fact that you know why the other parents are divorced.
This is a man who has found two capable young people to come rope with him. Roping isn't a single person activity. You need multiples, especially if you are team roping, but to help push cattle, run the chute etc. It's not always easy to find help, especially those who are young enough and with enough energy to run around doing the hard/dirty work. So he's found some willing victims.
Why during the day? Why not? If I didn't work during the day, I'd get all of my activities done before evening so I had my evenings open to enjoy friends and family. This from both sides. The kids to be home with mom and to visit with friends, the husband to be home with wife.
Why would mom stop by to watch her kids rope? Welllllll... because she's mom???? I mean, when I was young I asked my mom to come out and watch me every now and then. And sometimes she would bring the "man in her life."
I'm not on anyone's side, I'm just trying to throw a little reason onto this train that is running away on the "OMG He Cheated On You!" bandwagon. It could very well be completely innocent, and if anyone else came on here and asked this question about a normal relationship, people would be like, "What's the big deal?" Instead of "Fry the basta...!!!!"
Regardless of his past, there very well could be a reasonable explanation.
I see your point too, let me give you a little prior history when we split 4 years ago..my husband let his 26 year old son move in our house when he got mad and quit his job , he was then doing odd jobs and then my husband let sons girlfriend move into our house and I was like a personal maid service to all of them , me being the only one with an 8 to 5 job my husband and step son both self employed and the girl had no job, they would wait on me to come home and fix lunch and be waiting when I got home to fix supper,get up pile dishes in the sink and leave, i finally told my husband I was not doing it anymore, next day he filed for divorce,went to first hearing and lied to judge telling him he worked at our home(which he does not) and I was raising cane and running off his customers, judge gave me 20 days to find somewhere to go, didn't allow him to stay in the house told him he could stay in our living quarters trailer away from me, but the two others were in the house, needless to say they pushed me till I told them both off and they stayed in their room when I was home. The day I left my husband was with another woman...... This is part of my problem with the issue going on now. My trust . He called me 3 months later telling me he was wrong and he had told his son and girlfriend to get out and was not seeing this woman anymore, wanting me to come home.... After lots of thinking and telling him these things could never happen again and we had to go thru marriage counseling ,I decided to move home and now here I am again,I did this to myself
|
|
| |
|
Veteran
Posts: 238
| Please don't think I'm siding with anyone on this. I'm absolutely staying out of the relationship. I am a firm believer that strangers online have no business meddling in others' relationships.
I hope you figure out what works for you. {{hug}} |
|
| |
|
Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | nmeastplains - 2014-04-24 9:42 AM I will be odd man out here....I won't tell you to leave him however I also will not tell you to stay. That is such a personal decision that only YOU can make and only when you are ready to make it. What I do want to say is please allow yourself the time you need to grieve the relationship you once had and wanted. When I divorced, I was heart broken, but not for my husband...but for my marriage. I will also say leaving him will not "fix" your trust issues, you will carry those until you can find peace and a true understanding of a trusting relationship. Many prayers to you no matter what you decide.
amen |
|
| |
|
 Elite Veteran
Posts: 602
| I hope you can figure this situation out..... Not trusting someone will eat you up inside. Marriage is based on trust,honesty, and loyalty...... if one piece is missing then you will become an emotional wreck. |
|
| |
|
 Expert
Posts: 1584
Location: Central Texas | After lots of thinking and telling him these things could never happen again and we had to go thru marriage counseling ,I decided to move home and now here I am again,I did this to myself
You have summed it up.
You tried and he is not.
Also, once respect is gone, there is nothing to work with. I know the terrible emotions that puts you in.
Now it is decision time, as you well know.
|
|
| |
|
Location: Choctaw, OK | aggiejudger - 2014-04-23 3:59 PM
The fact that he called you that multiple times tells me that more than roping lessons are going on...
I agree with this. He wouldn't have made such a big deal about it unless... |
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 616
Location: Texas | SpottedT - 2014-04-24 12:21 PM
Please don't think I'm siding with anyone on this. I'm absolutely staying out of the relationship. I am a firm believer that strangers online have no business meddling in others' relationships.
I hope you figure out what works for you. {{hug}}
Thanks I respect that, I posted this to see if I was putting way more into this and letting my insecurities rule me, getting outsiders opinions on this has helped me but has not swayed me, in my heart I thought I knew what I needed to do, I just needed some other input for my own peace of mind,and I feel no one is meddling, just discussing their views and thats what I wanted,be it good,bad or indifferent and I greatly appreciate everyone!!!! |
|
| |
|
 Veteran
Posts: 292
Location: Northeast Nebraska | ThreeCorners - 2014-04-23 2:31 PM Well......it's your house to and your family.......BUT, why the problem with the kids coming to rope? I think it's great your husband has taken an interest in these kids who's dad appearantly isnt man enough. Kudos to your husband for stepping up to help these kids. My advice, is not to rock the boat with these kids and get a real handle on your jealousy and imagination. I've been there so I know the tune all to well and quite frankly, you are driving yourself crazy. You have to let it go. No amount of worry and fretting is going to keep your husband faithfull if he chooses not to be. However, I honestly dont see anything in this scenerio to get wound up about. Do you think this 18 year old woman isn't capable of sleeping with the husband too? Personally, I wouldn't even be married to someone that had cheated on me twice and then calls me names when he is behaving badly.
Edited by GoGaited 2014-04-24 4:21 PM
|
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 616
Location: Texas | GoGaited - 2014-04-24 4:20 PM
ThreeCorners - 2014-04-23 2:31 PM Well......it's your house to and your family.......BUT, why the problem with the kids coming to rope? I think it's great your husband has taken an interest in these kids who's dad appearantly isnt man enough. Kudos to your husband for stepping up to help these kids. My advice, is not to rock the boat with these kids and get a real handle on your jealousy and imagination. I've been there so I know the tune all to well and quite frankly, you are driving yourself crazy. You have to let it go. No amount of worry and fretting is going to keep your husband faithfull if he chooses not to be. However, I honestly dont see anything in this scenerio to get wound up about. Do you think this 18 year old woman isn't capable of sleeping with the husband too? Personally, I wouldn't even be married to someone that had cheated on me twice and then calls me names when he is behaving badly.
I am not going to say it is not possible, there is about a 30 year age difference,I would pray to God that wouldn't be the case........she did come here once by herself to rope when I was at work, I told my husband that the way people talk in this small town it didn't look good.
So it's got back to me that he is going around telling his friends I am acussing him of messing with a 18 year old kid |
|
| |
|
You get what you give
Posts: 13030
Location: Texas | kickincans - 2014-04-24 12:03 PM
SpottedT - 2014-04-24 10:43 AM
Just playing devil's advocate here. Let's take the whole "cheating husband" out of the scenario and the fact that you know why the other parents are divorced.
This is a man who has found two capable young people to come rope with him. Roping isn't a single person activity. You need multiples, especially if you are team roping, but to help push cattle, run the chute etc. It's not always easy to find help, especially those who are young enough and with enough energy to run around doing the hard/dirty work. So he's found some willing victims.
Why during the day? Why not? If I didn't work during the day, I'd get all of my activities done before evening so I had my evenings open to enjoy friends and family. This from both sides. The kids to be home with mom and to visit with friends, the husband to be home with wife.
Why would mom stop by to watch her kids rope? Welllllll... because she's mom???? I mean, when I was young I asked my mom to come out and watch me every now and then. And sometimes she would bring the "man in her life."
I'm not on anyone's side, I'm just trying to throw a little reason onto this train that is running away on the "OMG He Cheated On You!" bandwagon. It could very well be completely innocent, and if anyone else came on here and asked this question about a normal relationship, people would be like, "What's the big deal?" Instead of "Fry the basta...!!!!"
Regardless of his past, there very well could be a reasonable explanation.
I see your point too, let me give you a little prior history when we split 4 years ago..my husband let his 26 year old son move in our house when he got mad and quit his job , he was then doing odd jobs and then my husband let sons girlfriend move into our house and I was like a personal maid service to all of them , me being the only one with an 8 to 5 job my husband and step son both self employed and the girl had no job, they would wait on me to come home and fix lunch and be waiting when I got home to fix supper,get up pile dishes in the sink and leave, i finally told my husband I was not doing it anymore, next day he filed for divorce,went to first hearing and lied to judge telling him he worked at our home (which he does not ) and I was raising cane and running off his customers, judge gave me 20 days to find somewhere to go, didn't allow him to stay in the house told him he could stay in our living quarters trailer away from me, but the two others were in the house, needless to say they pushed me till I told them both off and they stayed in their room when I was home. The day I left my husband was with another woman...... This is part of my problem with the issue going on now. My trust . He called me 3 months later telling me he was wrong and he had told his son and girlfriend to get out and was not seeing this woman anymore, wanting me to come home.... After lots of thinking and telling him these things could never happen again and we had to go thru marriage counseling ,I decided to move home and now here I am again,I did this to myself
was he with the woman before he filed for divorce or was it a one night stand while y'all were in the process of divorcing? |
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 616
Location: Texas | I did find out he had been with this woman before he filed,not a one nite stand
|
|
| |
|
You get what you give
Posts: 13030
Location: Texas | kickincans - 2014-04-24 9:50 PM
I did find out he had been with this woman before he filed,not a one nite stand
yuck. no good. I was hoping maybe it was an " Im mad as hell" kind of things.. guess not. |
|
| |
|
Location: East of the Pecos | Oh wow, this man is 48? How old are you? Somehow, it sounded like he was younger in the story, but he is mature in age, but never grew up emotionally. He sounds self centered, especially when he retaliated against you by filing for a divorce to get even and lying to the judge. Two can play that game, so get your finances straight first, have your own bank account that he doesn't have access to, since you work. If you can afford to keep the place where you live, ask him to move out and have a good attorney first who is in your corner, but get prepared first. Don't you leave, make him leave, you've been married long enough to get 1/2. Don't let him bully you, stand up for yourself, you sound much younger than him, I think. I feel sorry for his next wife, she will have to deal with the same crap, and you will have learned a valuable lesson that will help you move on to someone who respects and cherishes you, and you will always wonder why you didn't do this sooner. |
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 616
Location: Texas | Bug Is Alive - 2014-04-26 2:26 PM
Oh wow, this man is 48? How old are you? Somehow, it sounded like he was younger in the story, but he is mature in age, but never grew up emotionally. He sounds self centered, especially when he retaliated against you by filing for a divorce to get even and lying to the judge. Two can play that game, so get your finances straight first, have your own bank account that he doesn't have access to, since you work. If you can afford to keep the place where you live, ask him to move out and have a good attorney first who is in your corner, but get prepared first. Don't you leave, make him leave, you've been married long enough to get 1/2. Don't let him bully you, stand up for yourself, you sound much younger than him, I think. I feel sorry for his next wife, she will have to deal with the same crap, and you will have learned a valuable lesson that will help you move on to someone who respects and cherishes you, and you will always wonder why you didn't do this sooner.
Yes 48 and so am I. I feel he is self centered, but he has always called me shelfish and tells me everything has to be about me. I have been working on all my affairs for the last 4 years, I didn't know if things would pan out for us so I have been trying to look out for myself. Thank you so much for your advice!!! |
|
| |
|
Location: East of the Pecos | I've been in your shoes when I was in my late 30's but we divorced after he had an affair. Actually I moved out because we were renting at the time and the place wasn't ours and I had a better job offer about 100 miles away, so I took it and basically started over myself. I wish I prepared better back then, that was 20 yrs. ago, but no internet to get good advice from others. Him and the girl he cheated with only stayed together for about a year, and now he's divorced again from the next one. It was hard on me because like you, I was in love with him, but I feel so much better about myself and my life has greatly improved without him. I endured verbal abuse like you and then I even found out after I left that when we were at a rodeo and he disappeared for an hour or so that he was in the other girls trailer. I wish someone had told me all that at the time, but I guess they didn't want to feel nosy. When it's all over, I hope you don't find things out that people kept from you. If I had known all that, I would have made my move a lot sooner, but I trusted him, bad choice. good luck. |
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 616
Location: Texas | Bug Is Alive - 2014-04-27 9:36 AM
I've been in your shoes when I was in my late 30's but we divorced after he had an affair. Actually I moved out because we were renting at the time and the place wasn't ours and I had a better job offer about 100 miles away, so I took it and basically started over myself. I wish I prepared better back then, that was 20 yrs. ago, but no internet to get good advice from others. Him and the girl he cheated with only stayed together for about a year, and now he's divorced again from the next one. It was hard on me because like you, I was in love with him, but I feel so much better about myself and my life has greatly improved without him. I endured verbal abuse like you and then I even found out after I left that when we were at a rodeo and he disappeared for an hour or so that he was in the other girls trailer. I wish someone had told me all that at the time, but I guess they didn't want to feel nosy. When it's all over, I hope you don't find things out that people kept from you. If I had known all that, I would have made my move a lot sooner, but I trusted him, bad choice. good luck.
There is no telling what I don't know about, i just so wished the last time I left I would have stayed gone, I let my feeling overcome and my heart rule me instead of using my head. I would have been past all the pain and had a new life by now. It's so hard to make your heart stop loving even when someone has done bad things to you |
|
| |
|
 Ms. Marine
Posts: 4641
Location: Texas | I'm wondering why you're still with that guy. Even though you still love him, he clearly doesn't love you enough to give a rats @$$ about what he's doing to you psychologically. He probably figures since you took him back twice, you'll take him back a third time. I think your best bet would be to send him packing and find someone who will actually treat you right. |
|
| |
|
 Member
Posts: 42
Location: BFE | you said you have been married 12 years GET OUT NOW don't do what I did and waste 24 YEARS |
|
| |
Having trouble with feelings, how should I deal with this