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 Miss Laundry Misshap
Posts: 5271
  
| What do you do when, as a teacher, YOU want it more than your kiddo wants it for themselves? I have a really, really hard time letting go and letting them fail. I want them to succeed and see that success makes a difference. But I also get really tired of trying to get them to do their work, nagging, making them go to their other teachers to find what they are missing, etc.
Anybody have anything tried and true that helps kids want the best for themselves?? Although if anyone really, truly did, they'd be millionaires and probably not on BHW! |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| I don't have an answer for you, but your kids are lucky to have you as a teacher. It sounds like you are doing what the parents should be doing. I have been there with my own kids. I had to threaten to go to school with them and go to every class with them. They knew I'd do it, so they stepped up and took care of business. I should add that they were in Jr. High. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 507
Location: Lost in the corn of Iowa. | Can you contact the parents of these kids to give them an honest assessment of how their kids are doing? I know, PT conferences just happened last week. It might help. But I was THAT parent that rode the bus if they were acting up or even went to school a few times if the kids were falling behind. Especially with Mel. |
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 Expert
Posts: 3782
Location: Gainesville, TX | All of that is very important. We want to make an effort to show our students that we care. We want to push them to be successful.
That being said, at some point, tough love is best or you have to be cruel to be kind. Pick your cliche. The world will not always be kind to them. Sometimes we learn the most from our failures.
I'm NOT trying to tell you to stop trying to help them at all, but at some point they have to make a decision to help themselves. When it finally truly matters to them, they will make it happen. It's like an addict. It's generally easier for them if they feel they have support, but they will never truly quit unless they themselves make the choice too.
I try and give my students, granted adults, many opportunities from extra credit to chances to revise papers but at the end of the day if they don't do the work or do it at a satisfactory level they will fail the class. |
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Miss Laundry Misshap
Posts: 5271
| Girls_Gotta_Jet - 2014-05-07 12:07 PM Can you contact the parents of these kids to give them an honest assessment of how their kids are doing? I know, PT conferences just happened last week. It might help. But I was THAT parent that rode the bus if they were acting up or even went to school a few times if the kids were falling behind. Especially with Mel.
Part of this kids problem is that mom is single, and working...hard. She is not home so much, kids stay with grandma, who is physically disabled. So kids are also expected to help her, but then they don't do their school work. (Yay for helpful kids, Boo that it gets in the way of their education) Mom is supportive, but unable to be around. Kid also has ADHD and is ODD (oppositional) and only takes night meds for sleep.
So, there are lots of things working against him, which makes it so much more important to make him see the value in completeing tasks and being successful. All he sees and feels is that people are always "making him do stuff." And when I try to explain it, he gets very oppositional and argumentative. So do I let him fall on his face and fail??? I don't think I can. It's too important for his life as an adult. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1100
Location: Southeastern Idaho | What grade and subject is involved here? Is there something he loves that can be used as incentive for him?
This is the hardest part of teaching. Its so hard to see students make mistakes that will affect their whole life. |
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Miss Laundry Misshap
Posts: 5271
| He is a Freshman in HS. So every passing grade counts. He is also the oldest child of 3.
Edited by Nateracer 2014-05-07 12:33 PM
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 507
Location: Lost in the corn of Iowa. | That is very unfair to expect the child to help with grandma. In my opinion it should be brought to the mom's attention that he is starting to fall through the cracks educationally. If grandma is that disabled she needs to have home health come in and help a few times a week. And I know the mom can get in touch with you through your school email at her convenience and you can respond back the next day. There are a few teachers I was emailing at 11 o'clock at night because that's when I was able to sit down because I'm so darn busy some days. Great that the kid helps out at home but still an unfair expectation to put on him at such a young age. And maybe he needs to re evaluate his med schedule so he can focus at school. I'm not a huge fan of the drug game but if it has to be done then so be it. At the end of the day, it's not your job to hold his hand and make sure he passes. He should be old enough to be responsible for his own school work. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1100
Location: Southeastern Idaho | In our school we have "Care Team" meetings where we include the parent or guardian and as many subject teachers we can get there at the meeting time. The counselor or adviser led the meeting. Each teacher shares what the student is doing well and what he/she needs to work on for each subject. Having the parent and student is critical, and encourage them to share feelings of the worth of education and future goals. This doesn't always work but I have seen it help many.
Getting the teachers involved and asking the student how things are going, what can I help you with, or even an invitation to bring his lunch to their room to work on a missing assignment can make a difference. Once students found out they could come to my room during lunch hour to work on missing work I started having to use sign up sheets. :) Lunch time got to be pretty wild.
Good luck! You are doing a great thing for this boy. |
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Expert
Posts: 3782
Location: Gainesville, TX | Nateracer - 2014-05-07 12:18 PM
Girls_Gotta_Jet - 2014-05-07 12:07 PM Can you contact the parents of these kids to give them an honest assessment of how their kids are doing? I know, PT conferences just happened last week. It might help. But I was THAT parent that rode the bus if they were acting up or even went to school a few times if the kids were falling behind. Especially with Mel.
Part of this kids problem is that mom is single, and working...hard. She is not home so much, kids stay with grandma, who is physically disabled. So kids are also expected to help her, but then they don't do their school work. (Yay for helpful kids, Boo that it gets in the way of their education) Mom is supportive, but unable to be around. Kid also has ADHD and is ODD (oppositional) and only takes night meds for sleep.
So, there are lots of things working against him, which makes it so much more important to make him see the value in completeing tasks and being successful. All he sees and feels is that people are always "making him do stuff." And when I try to explain it, he gets very oppositional and argumentative. So do I let him fall on his face and fail??? I don't think I can. It's too important for his life as an adult.
You hadn't mentioned that there was only one kid and he was DSS. I specialize in those students in my school. There's a great book written by two guys who graduated from Brown, one with severe dyslexia and the other severe ADHD that wrote a great book called "Learning Outside the Lines." It discusses several alternative learning strategies including project based learning and technology aids. It also points out ways that may not always seem teacher approved but may still work for your student. What particular subject do you teach? Just curious about what your current strategies are? Do they have tutoring too at your school? Of course, it also talks about how neither of them were able to succeed until they chose to take control of their education. I bet your boy is very bright, most ADHD kids are. |
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Miss Laundry Misshap
Posts: 5271
| I teach special education. My specialty area is autism/ social/behavioral. This student does have an IEP. He is my class for social skills instruction. He has access to technology and does most of his work on a computer, because handwriting is hard for him. He is very bright. He is also fixated on computer games, so the computer, while helpful also becomes a distraction. They also do not have a computer at home, so access here is like crack to a drug addict. They cannot/will not block 1 students computer. Its all or nothing, so he has access to games.
I've worked out with him that if he not caught on games during class time, he can use a computer over lunch for games. This has been going OK.
He has extended time, he gets quiet location accommodations, and various items can be modified. He has been placed in academic help for part of the school year when his courses have fallen into the D or F range. This is where they can get access to a core teacher to assist them with catching up.
Right now, I'm dealing with a teacher was gone for 2 weeks and kiddo didn't do anything while sub was here, but my grade access didn't look bad. Sub couldn't tell me what he did do, or didn't. No suprise there, but now trying to get him caught up when it's 80 degrees outside and him thinking summer break is bad because of no computers...Ugh. |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| oija - 2014-05-07 12:39 PM
Nateracer - 2014-05-07 12:18 PM
Girls_Gotta_Jet - 2014-05-07 12:07 PM Can you contact the parents of these kids to give them an honest assessment of how their kids are doing? I know, PT conferences just happened last week. It might help. But I was THAT parent that rode the bus if they were acting up or even went to school a few times if the kids were falling behind. Especially with Mel.
Part of this kids problem is that mom is single, and working...hard. She is not home so much, kids stay with grandma, who is physically disabled. So kids are also expected to help her, but then they don't do their school work. (Yay for helpful kids, Boo that it gets in the way of their education) Mom is supportive, but unable to be around. Kid also has ADHD and is ODD (oppositional) and only takes night meds for sleep.
So, there are lots of things working against him, which makes it so much more important to make him see the value in completeing tasks and being successful. All he sees and feels is that people are always "making him do stuff." And when I try to explain it, he gets very oppositional and argumentative. So do I let him fall on his face and fail??? I don't think I can. It's too important for his life as an adult.
You hadn't mentioned that there was only one kid and he was DSS. I specialize in those students in my school. There's a great book written by two guys who graduated from Brown, one with severe dyslexia and the other severe ADHD that wrote a great book called "Learning Outside the Lines." It discusses several alternative learning strategies including project based learning and technology aids. It also points out ways that may not always seem teacher approved but may still work for your student. What particular subject do you teach? Just curious about what your current strategies are? Do they have tutoring too at your school? Of course, it also talks about how neither of them were able to succeed until they chose to take control of their education. I bet your boy is very bright, most ADHD kids are.
This6^^^ and bless your heart for trying so hard for this young man. |
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Expert
Posts: 3782
Location: Gainesville, TX | Nateracer - 2014-05-07 12:53 PM
I teach special education. My specialty area is autism/ social/behavioral. This student does have an IEP. He is my class for social skills instruction. He has access to technology and does most of his work on a computer, because handwriting is hard for him. He is very bright. He is also fixated on computer games, so the computer, while helpful also becomes a distraction. They also do not have a computer at home, so access here is like crack to a drug addict. They cannot/will not block 1 students computer. Its all or nothing, so he has access to games.
I've worked out with him that if he not caught on games during class time, he can use a computer over lunch for games. This has been going OK.
He has extended time, he gets quiet location accommodations, and various items can be modified. He has been placed in academic help for part of the school year when his courses have fallen into the D or F range. This is where they can get access to a core teacher to assist them with catching up.
Right now, I'm dealing with a teacher was gone for 2 weeks and kiddo didn't do anything while sub was here, but my grade access didn't look bad. Sub couldn't tell me what he did do, or didn't. No suprise there, but now trying to get him caught up when it's 80 degrees outside and him thinking summer break is bad because of no computers...Ugh.
OBVIOUSLY you have tons of experience and are doing lots of stuff to help him out. That does sound extremely frustrating. You say he loves to play computer games though. I wonder if there is some way this could be incorporated into the lessons or if he only likes to play the ones he likes to play. Also, if that's an issue, have you thought about a laptop with individual blocks. It may be much harder and more annoying to block a classroom desktop but a laptop issued by your technology people and kept in the classroom where not a lot of people aside from maybe the teacher used it would allow for a more specialized set of blocks. We use Insight in our classrooms. We simply have to enter the website address and it is blocked from then on. We can even do it for specific computer and not others, clearing off the address at the end of the class period. I don't know if its possible to get this or not but I think it would be a very helpful software. You might talk to your administration because it would be useful for future cases too. I also wonder if he could do fifteen minutes of work and then be rewarded for five minutes with a game or something. This might help teach him to self-monitor as well. A timer of some sort could let him know when his time was up.
As for the situation with his mother, it sounds like he has a lot on him. That would make any student act out. I wonder if there are any social helps in the area or after school programs that could take some time off him by keeping his siblings happy and watched so he could catch up? |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 464
| I am a teacher, a high school teacher to be exact. On lunch right now, so don't ask why am I not teaching. I have a few students fail every year. It concerns me. In my case, we have alternative, and optional programs that are much easier than the traditional high school. I think some of mine that fail, are trying to earn their way in to one of those programs. It is also a goal of mine for students to see me as one of the hardest working people that they have ever known. Not bragging, but I always hand papers back the very next day etc. |
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 IMA No Hair Style Gal
Posts: 2594
| Here are my thoughts:
I am going to put this into an analogy and then go from there...
If you nag a student too much it is almost like kicking a horse to the point they become dead sided. You have to pick your battles and you have to choose your words if you want to accomplish something.
I am not sure what you have done, and maybe you have already done this...but maybe sit down and have a heart to heart with this kid....ask him what motivates and inspires him and then put him on a reward system to get those things...
It sounds like you have some type of reward system in place....about four years ago we had a kid that was a little rough...on an IEP and didn't have very involved parents. He was put on a reward system. He was given tickets...and every time he behaved well in class a teacher could sign the ticket. So many tickets=the teacher bought him a $60.00 video game that he wanted really bad. He was a whole different kind of kid.
Maybe give him tickets for his teachers to sign when he asks them for his work that he needs to make up...and then once he makes up the work and turns it in that could be worth two tickets.
So many tickets = so much time on the computer at the end of the day....or some other type of motivator? Maybe have a talk with the parent and get the mom on board to get some type of computer/gadget of some sort if he gets so many tickets that he can play on during the summer?
Then send him home for the summer with TONS of school related apps that are free to download on whatever gadget that he can play on too throughout the summer....there are some AWESOME ones out there that a lot of my kids LOVE.
Good luck! Summer is almost here! |
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She's a Tough One
Posts: 3199
| Have no advice. Just a kuddos to you for caring and wanting to make that difference in this child's life. |
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Miss Laundry Misshap
Posts: 5271
| He refuses the reward ticket or point type system. He's been on it since grade school and the appeal has long since worn off. |
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IMA No Hair Style Gal
Posts: 2594
| Well I do wish you luck. You will find your way....as teachers we normally do, you are likely making a difference you won't realize until down the road.
Keep truckin.
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 794
| I am finishing my 11th year of teaching and I can feel your pain. I can not stand to "lose" one. I have found that boys will mature sooooo much between the Freshman and Sophomore year so he should have a better attitude next year. With that said my suggestion is to send positive letters home to mom, make sure to always point out things he does good. Tell other teachers how smart and helpful he is always let him know he is helping not that he is having to work. Be very patient with him if he starts to argue just walk off act like you didn't even hear him. I have had several that I have use these same tactics on an today they are productive citizens in our community. I have also used this same thing on others and it did not work but I just keep on working with them.
Good luck and never lose that passion you have for teaching. Happy Teachers Week |
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Miss Laundry Misshap
Posts: 5271
| cavlier - 2014-05-08 8:34 AM I am finishing my 11th year of teaching and I can feel your pain. I can not stand to "lose" one. I have found that boys will mature sooooo much between the Freshman and Sophomore year so he should have a better attitude next year. With that said my suggestion is to send positive letters home to mom, make sure to always point out things he does good. Tell other teachers how smart and helpful he is always let him know he is helping not that he is having to work. Be very patient with him if he starts to argue just walk off act like you didn't even hear him. I have had several that I have use these same tactics on an today they are productive citizens in our community. I have also used this same thing on others and it did not work but I just keep on working with them. Good luck and never lose that passion you have for teaching. Happy Teachers Week
Thank you! You too! I really feel like he's made great strides this year. But I also don't want to see him backslide so close to the end of the year. I also think part of it is that I'm feeling the strain of summer coming too, so more irritable. |
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Cold hands and Warm Heart
Location: oklahoma | Girls_Gotta_Jet - 2014-05-07 12:32 PM That is very unfair to expect the child to help with grandma. In my opinion it should be brought to the mom's attention that he is starting to fall through the cracks educationally. If grandma is that disabled she needs to have home health come in and help a few times a week. And I know the mom can get in touch with you through your school email at her convenience and you can respond back the next day. There are a few teachers I was emailing at 11 o'clock at night because that's when I was able to sit down because I'm so darn busy some days. Great that the kid helps out at home but still an unfair expectation to put on him at such a young age. And maybe he needs to re evaluate his med schedule so he can focus at school. I'm not a huge fan of the drug game but if it has to be done then so be it. At the end of the day, it's not your job to hold his hand and make sure he passes. He should be old enough to be responsible for his own school work.
I agree. Part of life is dealing with struggles and failure. Kudos to you for caring but at the end of the day, hw won't learn valuable life lessons. I like the idea of talking with mom, she may not realize how big of a burden he's carrying on his young shoulders. |
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