|
|
  Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
   
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | Are some people just born with evil in their heart? Or do some people just have the capacity to fill their heart with hatred? I've had my suspicions for months now but kept them quiet.....until today when I confronted my father in law, who confirmed that my mother in law has in fact been telling people that I intentionally harmed myself to cause my miscarraige last december because I never wanted to have a child. Yes we were not planning to get pregnant and yes I was upset at first about it. But I got over it real quick, so when we abruptly miscarried at 14 weeks it was not only a shock but very devastating. How do you cope with something like this? Is it worth coping with or do I just move on and forget she even exists? I know the truth, my husband and God know the truth.....and that's all that really matters.
I don't know how I'm supposed to feel, or what I'm supposed to even say. All I can think of right now is how unforgivable this is and how much evil must be in her heart to think something like that, let alone speak it out loud. |
|
| |
|
 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | What a horrible thing to be saying about you, hugs to you  |
|
| |
|
Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | The fighting side of me wants to confront her about it and tell her how I feel.
The smarter side of me wants to forget this woman exists other then the fact i'm married to her son.
I didn't have a childhood filled with laughter, good memories, and love. I was a very angry teenager/young adult. I got lucky. Very lucky. I was blessed with people that the grace of God to teach and show me how to let go of my anger and find the positive.
I have a great life. It's not perfect, and it's not easy, but it's great. I will have a great life with or without this woman. And that's all I want. So how do I put away my fighting side right now and walk away??? |
|
| |
|
 Serious Snap Trapper
Posts: 4275
Location: In The Snow, AZ | I am so sorry for what has been said about you. That is just awful. Hugs to you and sending prayers up. I have no advice as to how to respond, because the "evil" in me would probably come out if my mother-in-law spoke of me that way. Granted, the "evil" in hubby would come out to.
I'm not sure there is a correct way to handle it. My mom and I were recently talking about negative people in our lives. And we came to the conclusion that as God-fearing people, we are to forgive those who do us wrong, but that we do not have hold ourselves accountable for them. We have the ability to choose who we keep in our lives. Negative people are no longer welcome in mine.... |
|
| |
|
A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Just stay away from her, dont lower yourself to her level. |
|
| |
|
 Thread Killer
Posts: 7545
| I cannot really offer any adivce, but what an awful thing to do. I am so sorry. |
|
| |
|
 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Hugs and prayers. I feel for you, those are horrible things to say. Yes, she is evil. I had a few conflicts with my inlaws, nothing compared to what you have gone through but I decided enough was enough. It was no longer a priority to me to travel to see them, if I had something else to do, I did it. I never made an issue of my husband going, it is still his mother and I did not want to make him feel like he had to choose. It has worked for me. If I were you I would no longer have anything to do with that woman. She is toxic, does not matter that she is a realtive, she does not get a free pass to treat you like that. What does your husband say? |
|
| |
|
 Miss Laundry Misshap
Posts: 5271
| Based on the other issues you've had with these people, I'd probably go over there and tell them where to shove it. Now, that being said, I'd also tell them that your love for their son is the only thing making you go there because you don't want to see him hurt by their jealousy and anger. I'd also probably buy them a plane ticket back to GA. :)
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. It is rude and unforgivable, but I really feel like for peace neither you nor your hubby need to keep quiet on this. What's going to be the last straw? Cutting ties sounds like the best thing. |
|
| |
|
Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | He doesn't know and I don't want to tell hhim.They will be moving back home at some point. We don't know details cause hubby refuses to be the one stuck moving them again |
|
| |
|
| If the opportunity ever arises to say anything, I'd keep it short and sweet and simply say, "Shame on you, SHAME on you!" And let her bask in that thought. Some things are best stated as simply as possible but gets the message across. |
|
| |
|
 Expert
Posts: 3782
Location: Gainesville, TX |  |
|
| |
|
Cold hands and Warm Heart
Location: oklahoma | Stuff like this would eat at me, I need to get things off my chest and move on. However you decide is best for you to handle it,I'd never lay eyes on those two again. Just how I'm made. Having said all of that..... Is she mentally ill? I'm not being cruel, but am wondering why or how someone would even think this is the way you treat people, much less my sons wife. |
|
| |
|
 You just got to get mean and mean it.
Location: Arkansas | My grandmother and mother had a saying that goes like this "Consider the source". That has served me well when someone has hurt my feeling.
So before you jump bad and smack some one, just think "Consider the sourse."
|
|
| |
|
Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | Yes she has mental illnesses and refuses to stay on meds. But even on meds has always had a hatred for me. I'm tending horses in the pouring down rain..... And as I sit in this barn watching them eat I realize as usual that no matter what. .... she doesn't control me. Her actions cannot change my life. I will still do what I do every day. That gives me some peace |
|
| |
|
Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | Lobo - 2014-05-08 6:41 PM
My grandmother and mother had a saying that goes like this "Consider the source". That has served me well when someone has hurt my feeling.
So before you jump bad and smack some one, just think "Consider the sourse."
My husband says the same thing. Apparently her mother, his grandmother, was the same way |
|
| |
|
 Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | I don’t really think people are really born evil but they do have the capacity for hate and evil in their heart……most people filled with hate….also hate themselves. I have cut my mother-in-law out of my life. I put up with her and her nasty shenanigans and the way she treated my children differently from her other grandchildren for over 45+ years. Last year, the camel’s back broke…….uncharacteristically, for me (for those that know me….lol), I didn’t blow up and strangle her. I just calmly told her to never to speak to me again and hung up the phone. Even her son didn’t want to talk to her. Since then, he has answered a few of her phone calls with VERY short conversations. I refuse to answer the phone. If he is not going to answer, it goes to voice mail.
One thing you can do is to write a long letter to your mother-in-law detailing the hurt, etc that she has bestowed on you……..instead of mailing it, have a ceremonial burning and cut her from your life! |
|
| |
|
Location: Lost with the rest of the MINIONS! | No advice, just hugs. |
|
| |
|
 The Original Cyber Bartender
Location: Washington | I have read enough about this dysfunctional couple that just happened to create the man of your dreams to know they will never change, and you give them to much power. Now when I say that it simply means your allowing them to hurt you. This woman is crazy and she just simply keeps pushing your buttons to see what reactions she will get, when she doesn't get one, she pushes another one....and you stay close enough for her to do exactly that. It's more than time to distance yourself from them. Your husbands parents let him deal with them.....and to be honest I am shocked he is allowing this to continue. I like the two of you, but you better start fighting as a team and for the marriage. His parents(I include her spouse because he too could have spoke up) went where no parents belong. Your husband has the right to stand next to you and also say, no more. AND that is all that needs to be said.
Time to take your power back, and NEVER want to hear another thing she has to say about anything. She does not matter....it's time to do onto her as she has done to you....but you will take the high road and simply say no more. Give them credit for creating this man and that is it. You have got it from here.
Enjoy the love of your life, and what the two of you have.....life is so dang short to allow this. |
|
| |
|
Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | fatchance - 2014-05-08 7:10 PM I have read enough about this dysfunctional couple that just happened to create the man of your dreams to know they will never change, and you give them to much power. Now when I say that it simply means your allowing them to hurt you. This woman is crazy and she just simply keeps pushing your buttons to see what reactions she will get, when she doesn't get one, she pushes another one....and you stay close enough for her to do exactly that. It's more than time to distance yourself from them. Your husbands parents let him deal with them.....and to be honest I am shocked he is allowing this to continue. I like the two of you, but you better start fighting as a team and for the marriage. His parents(I include her spouse because he too could have spoke up) went where no parents belong. Your husband has the right to stand next to you and also say, no more. AND that is all that needs to be said. Time to take your power back, and NEVER want to hear another thing she has to say about anything. She does not matter....it's time to do onto her as she has done to you....but you will take the high road and simply say no more. Give them credit for creating this man and that is it. You have got it from here. Enjoy the love of your life, and what the two of you have.....life is so dang short to allow this.
He doesn't know about this today.
he has already put them in their place. Unfortunately I'm the one that keeps thinking I can fix things with them. Part of why they hate me is because he does stick up for me and tells them how it is, but then I keep telling him to ignore it. He wants them gone. To move back home. He just wants us to worry about us. He goes above and beyond to tell me he's in this with me no matter what and it will be his parents loss if we have to cut ties |
|
| |
|
Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | I want to add this was MY idea to move them closer to us. He did not want to for the reasons that are now obvious......but my bleeding heart wantd to try anyways......
at at least I did try...... |
|
| |
|
I'm a Cry Baby
Posts: 3781
Location: n.c. | Just tell yourself that this female is "Mom" to the man you love beyond all reason. That is the only thing you need to consider. You know how he feels about you and you about him. As you said you, he and God know the truth. Nothing else matters. Not even her.
(((((hugs))))) |
|
| |
|
Industrial Srength Barrel Racer
Posts: 7268
| I have no answers, just wanted to say I am sorry and offer a big cyber hug to you. I've never met you but you seem like one of THE most genuine folks around. You don't deserve that and it hurts my heart to think someone would say something THIS awful about you. It would be VERY hard for me not to blurt something out to her but walking away is probaby the best answer. |
|
| |
|
 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1118
Location: The South | Oh my gosh I am so sorry you are having to go through this. She sounds like a sick individual. My dad's mom was the same way to my mom, and I'll never understand it. I believe that some people are so miserable with their own life that they try to make everyone around them miserable too. I feel sorry for your father in law, living with her must be a nightmare. I've always felt sorry for my grandpa and wondered why he has stayed with my grandma but I guess divorce just isn't an option for that generation.
I'm glad your husband stands up for you, I saw how it hurt my mom's feelings when my dad wouldn't stand up to his mom when she would say hurtful things. Many cyber hugs to you. |
|
| |
|
Expert
Posts: 3147
| Hugs and prayers for you and your husband. |
|
| |
|
 Expert
Posts: 2135
Location: Somewhere else | I'd have to say something, meet it head on & let her know that you know what she has been saying, you don't appreciate and its in her best interest to stop telling the lies. I learned that keeping your mouth shut and not saying anything only adds to the other person running that mouth. Good Luck...jmho |
|
| |
|
 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | She sounds like a real witch. I'm so sorry, what an awful and disgusting thing she would say. You are a different person than I am to not say a word, because I would not stand for that...especially when it comes to my child. I truely hope things get better for you, many hugs |
|
| |
|
 Elite Veteran
Posts: 806
Location: Arkansas | I can totally relate to what you are going through. I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. I think that a lot of times it is just regret from what they didn't do in their own lives. When she sees you being independent and riding, does it set her off more?Then for whatever reason she didn't do what she wanted to in her own life and now she is at this point. Its jealousy to see you enjoying your life and your husband supporting you. If you don't do those things, then she feels better because now you know how she feels. Just a thought? It may have absolutely nothing to do with you but everything to do with her own regrets and you are just the "whipping boy". It is still an entirely unfair to you situation and I understand not telling your husband. It gets redundant and what can you do about it anyways? (My situation, maybe not yours) They aren't going to change, but you can change your relationship with them. Hugs to you! |
|
| |
|
 Expert
Posts: 2457
| Hugs! The capacity in which people tend to spew hate usually comes from their own unhappiness with their own lives.
Chin up. You are a better person than she is by wanting to help. As someone else mentioned - Consider the source. Then say a prayer. Be the bigger person and know they are moving soon and will be someone else's problem. I understand not telling hubs but, if it bothers you so much, you may mention to him that it really bothers you. Lean on him too ... relationships are not meant to be "sailed" by one person who is constantly holding all the feelings.
Sorry you have to deal with awful people ... but know they are family and just take a deep breath. You don't have to love them or even talk to them again. |
|
| |
|
 Elite Veteran
Posts: 984
Location: Southwest Minnesota | I am not sure how much comfort this will be but believe me when I say you are not the only one dealing with in-laws that seem so evil. Prayers and hugs to you...I am not dealing with your exact situation but a very similar one....but I have faith that the good Lord will take care of them in his own way so I have just distanced myself as much as possible. I don't even answer phone calls, I let it go to voice mail and based on the message I determine if they deserve a return phone call or not. I don't talk to them unless my husband wants to go see his dad and then I go with for support for him. I do not initiate any sort of contact with them anymore. If they need something that it's convenient for me to do I might do it, but I do not go out of my way to do anything for them. They will just suck you dry emotionally and I'm not going there. I know I'm rambling a bit, but I will keep you in my prayers that this problem will resolve for you soon. |
|
| |
|
 Whack and Roll
Posts: 6342
Location: NE Texas | Hugs to you, missroselee. My suggestion would be to tell your husband ONLY if you know 100% that she is saying these things, and if you have that proof, be honest with him and with yourself and know that YOU can no longer make her a priority in your life. Like fatchance said, you have to remove the power she has over you, as she doesn't deserve it. I have had to cut ties with part of my own family for some decisions and paths they chose. It was toxic to myself and my husband and made me physically ill to try and understand why they would make the choices they did and accuse me of things that were absolutely ludicrous. So I chose to walk away and have prayed for the anger in my heart to be washed away. Once I made that choice and removed that power from them, I felt as though a weight had been lifted. I think the advice fatchance gave is very solid. Prayers and hugs to you. It's hard to be criticized, especially by someone who you want so badly to love you, but you cannot hold yourself accountable for the decisions they make or things they say. |
|
| |
|
I Really Love Jeans
Posts: 3173
Location: North Dakota | I have been married 20 years and my MIL still does everything she can to trash me. If I were you I would just let it go and ignore her. If you worry about what she thinks all the time you will drive yourself crazy. For years I stressed over my MIL and all her comments and ended up having panic attacks and anxiety. Because I let myself worry about her I was damaging my own health. For the past few years I avoid her and try not to have more than a simple conversation. I don't let her know anything about our lives. Hubby is her only son and the youngest so she is obcessed with him. Her father left when she was young and never returned and her mom never remarried so she has never had a father figure, so she looks at my hubby as a father figure. If he gives me ANY attention and she is visiting she will fake falling down or fake hurting herself so he will come over to her. Anyway just giving an exampe of how bad it can be. BUT my point is you have to ignore this type of behavior or it will destroy you mentally and then your marriage will pay. I learned to control it after 20 years by ignoring it and not discussing anything she has to say. Trust me it works, she knows I don't care anymore what her opinion is and that has turned the tables completely.
Edited by angelica 2014-05-09 9:34 AM
|
|
| |
|
 Expert
Posts: 1440
Location: Texas | I am sorry you are having to deal with all that crap! I would definately tell your husband. The two of you have to be a team and I know if I did t share that with my husband i would eat at me. My initial repsonses was just to tell her exactly what I thought of her, but now I am thinking its best to just cut ties and have no communication with her at all and only if she asks then tell her why. Otherwise just let you husband deal with her and her insanity. I am sure he will understand why if you tell him about this latest antic and that you just can deal with her anymore. |
|
| |
|
 More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | I think you're a very optimistic, glass half full kind of person. Sometimes that bites you in the butt because you had the best intentions and their wellfare at heart when you moved them closer to you and then it comes back to haunt you. There are so few people like you in the world and don't let this change who you are. I agree with Fatchance. Don't let her rain on your parade. Love life, love your hubby and ignore the crap she says.
|
|
| |
|
Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | Thank you everyone for the kind words.
Today is a new day. I talked with hubby about it. He said there was nothing to talk about. He has basically given up on his mom. He told me it doesn't matter what she says, and who believes it. That if anyone chooses to believe what she says, then so be it, we don't need them in our lives either. He said all that matters and US. Him and me. Because in the end that's who we have, each other.
Just because she hates me does not mean I have to hate her. Hate kills a person inside. It eats their soul until there is nothing left. I will not hate. I will not be that person. God will know this. My husband already knows this. That is all I need right now.
I am no longer angry. I am however sad. Not sad that this has hurt me. Sad that his mother has become this person and there is nothing anyone can do anymore to change it. Sad for my husband because he now realizes he can't fix her. He will always love her. I will always respect that she is his mother. But I am still sad for him because this does hurt him too.
And yet......I bought her chocolate raspberry cappacino mix today.......a lot of it....for hubby to give her on mothers day....along with the gift I had engraved for her a few months ago.
Why you ask? Because I will be the better person. She will not know I purchased these for her. But she will receive something from my husband because that's just how it should be on mothers day.
|
|
| |
|
 Roan Wonder
Location: SW MO | missroselee - 2014-05-09 10:58 AM Thank you everyone for the kind words.
Today is a new day. I talked with hubby about it. He said there was nothing to talk about. He has basically given up on his mom. He told me it doesn't matter what she says, and who believes it. That if anyone chooses to believe what she says, then so be it, we don't need them in our lives either. He said all that matters and US. Him and me. Because in the end that's who we have, each other.
Just because she hates me does not mean I have to hate her. Hate kills a person inside. It eats their soul until there is nothing left. I will not hate. I will not be that person. God will know this. My husband already knows this. That is all I need right now.
I am no longer angry. I am however sad. Not sad that this has hurt me. Sad that his mother has become this person and there is nothing anyone can do anymore to change it. Sad for my husband because he now realizes he can't fix her. He will always love her. I will always respect that she is his mother. But I am still sad for him because this does hurt him too.
And yet......I bought her chocolate raspberry cappacino mix today.......a lot of it....for hubby to give her on mothers day....along with the gift I had engraved for her a few months ago.
Why you ask? Because I will be the better person. She will not know I purchased these for her. But she will receive something from my husband because that's just how it should be on mothers day.
You are wise way beyond your years. God has blessed you with a great kindness & a wise mind. |
|
| |
|
Industrial Srength Barrel Racer
Posts: 7268
| I second that, crossspur! |
|
| |
|
 Tough Patooty
Posts: 2615
Location: Sperry, OK | missroselee - 2014-05-09 10:58 AM Thank you everyone for the kind words.
Today is a new day. I talked with hubby about it. He said there was nothing to talk about. He has basically given up on his mom. He told me it doesn't matter what she says, and who believes it. That if anyone chooses to believe what she says, then so be it, we don't need them in our lives either. He said all that matters and US. Him and me. Because in the end that's who we have, each other.
Just because she hates me does not mean I have to hate her. Hate kills a person inside. It eats their soul until there is nothing left. I will not hate. I will not be that person. God will know this. My husband already knows this. That is all I need right now.
I am no longer angry. I am however sad. Not sad that this has hurt me. Sad that his mother has become this person and there is nothing anyone can do anymore to change it. Sad for my husband because he now realizes he can't fix her. He will always love her. I will always respect that she is his mother. But I am still sad for him because this does hurt him too.
And yet......I bought her chocolate raspberry cappacino mix today.......a lot of it....for hubby to give her on mothers day....along with the gift I had engraved for her a few months ago.
Why you ask? Because I will be the better person. She will not know I purchased these for her. But she will receive something from my husband because that's just how it should be on mothers day.
I so wish I could have your attitude! My mother in law is the devil reincarnate! I have finally put my foot down and told my husband... "she is your mother and always will be, I will never ask you to choose between me or her and you are free to continure your relationship with her as you see fit.... BUT, I am no longer in any way going to associate with her. I will never step foot on her property again, I will not go to Christmas, Thanksgiving, Mother's Day or any other family gathering that is held at her house or that she will be in attendance too and she is NOT welcome at my house or on my property for any reason. If she shows up, I will ask her to leave, is she does not, I will call the cops!" I would tell you stories, but I would be typing for weeks, and you guys would not believe me anyway, so I will leave it at this.
|
|
| |
|
Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | crossspur - 2014-05-09 12:01 PM missroselee - 2014-05-09 10:58 AM Thank you everyone for the kind words.
Today is a new day. I talked with hubby about it. He said there was nothing to talk about. He has basically given up on his mom. He told me it doesn't matter what she says, and who believes it. That if anyone chooses to believe what she says, then so be it, we don't need them in our lives either. He said all that matters and US. Him and me. Because in the end that's who we have, each other.
Just because she hates me does not mean I have to hate her. Hate kills a person inside. It eats their soul until there is nothing left. I will not hate. I will not be that person. God will know this. My husband already knows this. That is all I need right now.
I am no longer angry. I am however sad. Not sad that this has hurt me. Sad that his mother has become this person and there is nothing anyone can do anymore to change it. Sad for my husband because he now realizes he can't fix her. He will always love her. I will always respect that she is his mother. But I am still sad for him because this does hurt him too.
And yet......I bought her chocolate raspberry cappacino mix today.......a lot of it....for hubby to give her on mothers day....along with the gift I had engraved for her a few months ago.
Why you ask? Because I will be the better person. She will not know I purchased these for her. But she will receive something from my husband because that's just how it should be on mothers day.
You are wise way beyond your years. God has blessed you with a great kindness & a wise mind.
Im not really......if I didnt have my own demons I would be none the wiser....God somehow saw fit to let me see what my demons did to me and the people around me.....He let me see that I didnt want to be that person......then He gave me a soulmate who inspires me every day to be a better person |
|
| |
|
 A very grounded girl
Posts: 5052
Location: Moving soon..... | Without getting personal, I will say YES!!! |
|
| |
|
 Expert
Posts: 1229
Location: Royal J Performance Horses, AZ | Didnt read the OP, didnt read the comments.
All I have to say is we are never more pure an innocent than in the first few moments we are born.
So no, people are not born evil, the world and what they experience often makes them that way.
So when someone is horrible do i hate them? or dislike them? yes. but a small part of me remembers the above and that they must have been through something to make them a less than desirable human being.
There for i should pity them. |
|
| |
|
 Expert
Posts: 2097
Location: Deep South | missroselee - 2014-05-09 10:58 AM
Thank you everyone for the kind words.
Today is a new day. I talked with hubby about it. He said there was nothing to talk about. He has basically given up on his mom. He told me it doesn't matter what she says, and who believes it. That if anyone chooses to believe what she says, then so be it, we don't need them in our lives either. He said all that matters and US. Him and me. Because in the end that's who we have, each other.
Just because she hates me does not mean I have to hate her. Hate kills a person inside. It eats their soul until there is nothing left. I will not hate. I will not be that person. God will know this. My husband already knows this. That is all I need right now.
I am no longer angry. I am however sad. Not sad that this has hurt me. Sad that his mother has become this person and there is nothing anyone can do anymore to change it. Sad for my husband because he now realizes he can't fix her. He will always love her. I will always respect that she is his mother. But I am still sad for him because this does hurt him too.
And yet......I bought her chocolate raspberry cappacino mix today.......a lot of it....for hubby to give her on mothers day....along with the gift I had engraved for her a few months ago.
Why you ask? Because I will be the better person. She will not know I purchased these for her. But she will receive something from my husband because that's just how it should be on mothers day.
Your kind soul breaks my heart and gives me hope for coming to terms with my relationship with my own MIL. She has said things equally as sick and malicious about me as yours has about you, but SO and I have not handled it nearly as gracefully. Her toxicity drove us away from her completely and has left so much anger and resentfulness in my heart towards her. You have truly inspired me to deal with it. Thank you. |
|
| |
|
Expert
Posts: 1218
Location: Too far from home | In answer to the original question posed: Yep. But circumstances can make people mean too. |
|
| |
Are some people really just born evil?