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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
    
Location: Kansas | My daughters grandmother (her fathers mother) picked my daughter up from daycare today without my permission. She lied to my daycare provider and told her that I said it was fine...which is not the case. Is there anything that can be done? Not talking jail or having her arrested....just legally can something be done since I have custody of my child and she didn't ask permission?
Backstory is......I had to file a PFA against my daughters father because of how abusive he was to me (he has 2 battery charges, among various other charges when he would hit me) and he was harassing me, as of right now I have full custody of her. I was constantly harassed, and threatened by him, he would harass my boyfriend constantly. He is not allowed any contact with me, nor my daughter....I've been allowing his mother to take my daughter every other weekend, but lately it has gotten worse and she has been snarky and rude towards me. I'm having to put my child into a new daycare that is closer to my home and is more of a "facility" rather than just a home daycare...and his mother blew up on me demanding I tell her all the information and proceeding to tell me I was a bad mother because I chose a facility who is a christian based daycare...and they teach everything to the children (and basically told me I was a piece of S**t if I wasn't teaching my daughter anything).
I get absolutely no child support, I'm raising my child alone, while being harassed by his family....I'm at my wits end, and I have no idea what to do. I understand most BB's are going to say it's two sided, but I have screenshots of text messages I will be showing my attorney. She has been texting me the last hour asking if she is going to be arrested since she took my child.....which I haven't said a word back to her. My anxiety is through the roof right now, I just want to break down and cry |
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 Miss Laundry Misshap
Posts: 5271
| Yell at your daycare! Around here they are supposed to have written parental permission to allow kids to go with anyone besides whoever's designated to pick them up on a specific day. Either that or a phone call to the parent for verbal confirmation at the time of pick up. Under no certain circumstances should a daycare let a child go with someone who is unauthorized, no matter what they say!!! That's how all sorts of bad things happen!
You might threaten a lawsuit or to report them to the state board if it happens again. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1094
Location: Idahome | I have had 2 different day cares the last couple of years and both have me list who is allowed to pick up my child. If you never filled anything out or gave them written permission, you day care is at fault for letting her go. |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Is she back home with you now? Oh that would have made me very up set too, Hugs  |
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Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | KylaKris - 2014-05-20 2:13 PM I have had 2 different day cares the last couple of years and both have me list who is allowed to pick up my child. If you never filled anything out or gave them written permission, you day care is at fault for letting her go.
She has a hand written note with his mother's name on the list to be allowed to pick her up. That is my fault for not even thinking of giving her a new list of who isn't to pick her up.
The PFA was recently filed |
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 Works Hard For The Money
Posts: 4469
Location: Memphis, TN | I don't know for sure but I think you can have a police officer go with you to get your daughter. If you tell the police you do not want her arrested or charged I don't think they will but maybe have them warn her not to do it again. Also I'd have a VERY stern conversation with that daycare. They could get in serious trouble for that. Get in touch with your attorney for sure. I'd document this in full detail for any future issues. |
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 Tried and True
Posts: 21185
Location: Where I am happiest | I guess I missed the reason why the father is not to have contact with his child? I only see the problems YOU had with him?
As ar as the grandmother goes, Why not talk to her like an adult and let her know under no circumstances is anyone to pick your daughter up without your knowledge and then have the same conversation with the day care. If no call from YOU, nobody picks her up but you. |
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Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | Southtxponygirl - 2014-05-20 2:13 PM Is she back home with you now? Oh that would have made me very up set too, Hugs
No I'm currently still at work for another 2 hours, so her grandmother has her. I told her she needed to drop my daughter off at 4pm back to the daycare, I am aware of grandparent rights :(
I just don't know what to do. The new daycare provider has been made aware, and this is the last week for my daughter to be in the currently daycare. She goes to the new facility next tuesday. |
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 More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | I agree with Nate and KK. The daycare needs to get an ear full. There should be a list of people that are allowed to pick the kids up and no one else. Don't text back. If she wants to talk to you then talk in person or by phone. I don't think there is anything by law you can do but talk to your daycare and make sure they know they are not to do it again! |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1034
| First. Get your daughter home with you.
Next, call police and get her added to the restraining order - this was kidnap. Taking of a child without custodial right or permission meets the legal definition. These things are precursors. I would worry that she will give your daughter to your ex and he will flee.
Then, tell your daycare about the problems. Tell them they should not let your daughter go with ANYONE not listed without prior IN PERSON notification from you.
ETA: I am a state trooper. If you go to her residence and she doesn't immediately have your daughter available for you to take - call 911 immediately.
Edited by HorseMommyFiveO 2014-05-20 2:22 PM
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Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | ThreeCorners - 2014-05-20 2:16 PM I guess I missed the reason why the father is not to have contact with his child? I only see the problems YOU had with him?
As ar as the grandmother goes, Why not talk to her like an adult and let her know under no circumstances is anyone to pick your daughter up without your knowledge and then have the same conversation with the day care. If no call from YOU, nobody picks her up but you.
I filed the PFA against him for the both of us because in the process of him choking me one day...he smacked her in the face so hard her lip split open because she was crying. I don't feel she needs to be around him until he gets help with his anger.
I have text messages of the converstations she and I had, civil...me being nice and allowing her to take my daughter regardless if I didn't want it to happen or not. I also have proof of texts from last night when she was asking if she could take my daughter today and I told her in the message "I would like her to remain in daycare for the rest of the week and I don't feel it's a good idea for you to pick her up at this time"
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 Neat Freak
Posts: 11216
Location: Wonderful Wyoming | When my oldest was in daycare (and even his school now) I had to list who could pick him up. Anyone else I had to call and tell them. I kept the list small because for the sake of it, I thought it was safer. I would go to the daycare and be firm with who can and can't pick your daughter up. As for the mother in law being a turd, you may want to put a little fear in her. Without knowing the woman I can't say, if you want her in your daughter's life, you need to make her understand she needs to do it YOUR WAY! |
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More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | ThreeCorners - 2014-05-20 2:16 PM I guess I missed the reason why the father is not to have contact with his child? I only see the problems YOU had with him?
As ar as the grandmother goes, Why not talk to her like an adult and let her know under no circumstances is anyone to pick your daughter up without your knowledge and then have the same conversation with the day care. If no call from YOU, nobody picks her up but you.
If the sperm donor doesn't provide child support and has been physically abusive then he doesn't deserve to have contact with the child IMO. Even if he never laid a hand on the child....YET.....he still doens't deserve time with the child. ITs only a matter of time before he gets abusive with the child. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 915
Location: SE KS | hoofs_in_motion - 2014-05-20 2:16 PM
Southtxponygirl - 2014-05-20 2:13 PM Is she back home with you now? Oh that would have made me very up set too, Hugs
I just don't know what to do. The new daycare provider has been made aware, and this is the last week for my daughter to be in the currently daycare. She goes to the new facility next tuesday.
If you wanted to be that way, you probably could have grandma arrested for kidnapping!
I am on the list to pick up my sisters kids, but would never just go pick them up, without her first having called the daycare to let them know. Since Gma has pulled this "stunt", I would not put her on the list to pick her up, especially since she seems to be testing her boundaries.
How did you find out she had picked her up? |
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Porta Potty Pants
Posts: 2600
| First, contact the day care … get that resolved.
Second, contact authorities to at least make a record of it. Have them contact her to return the child to day care.
Third, if grandma wants to visit, given the fact that she's now taken the child without your permission, she needs to file a petition with the court for grandparents visitation. I would guess she is letting her son (child's dad) have time with the child, which is facilitating a violation of the protective order.
That's what I would do. Grandma is grandma, but she's being disrespectful. Just my 2 cents.
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 Expert
Posts: 2457
| azsun - 2014-05-20 2:27 PM
First, contact the day care … get that resolved.
Second, contact authorities to at least make a record of it. Have them contact her to return the child to day care.
Third, if grandma wants to visit, given the fact that she's now taken the child without your permission, she needs to file a petition with the court for grandparents visitation. I would guess she is letting her son (child's dad) have time with the child, which is facilitating a violation of the protective order.
That's what I would do. Grandma is grandma, but she's being disrespectful. Just my 2 cents.
THIS ^^^ put your foot down so that your choices are respected. The sperm donor gave up all rights when he hurt you and your daughter so GMA should respect your decisions. |
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 Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | Hugs, because this whole situation sucks.
I get she's your daughter's grandmother. But you are her mother first and foremost. She should have asked your permission no matter what. What if she took your daughter and nobody told you, and then something did happen?
There are no easy answers. I assume you want your daughter to have a relationship with her grandparents, but at the same time you need to be respected as her mother. |
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 Ms. Manners
Posts: 1820
Location: Oklahoma | Hugs and prayers to you . . . I'd be furious!
My concern would be the grandmother allowing the father to visit with his daughter. Does she allow your daughter's father to visit with her? Is that why she is picking her up while you're at work, so you don't find out he is having contact?
I agree 100% with going to the grandmother's house now and getting your daughter.
So sorry you are all going through this.
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Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | Thankfully I was able to have my grandmother pick her up from his mom. So my grandma has my daughter right now. But his mom showed up at my office about 10 minutes ago, and screamed at me. I just spoke with my attorney and she suggested I file an extension on the PFA for protection from her on my end. |
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Ms. Manners
Posts: 1820
Location: Oklahoma | You are really aproaching this situation with a lot of common sense. Keep standing strong and hang in there! |
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More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | hoofs_in_motion - 2014-05-20 3:17 PM Thankfully I was able to have my grandmother pick her up from his mom. So my grandma has my daughter right now. But his mom showed up at my office about 10 minutes ago, and screamed at me. I just spoke with my attorney and she suggested I file an extension on the PFA for protection from her on my end.
His mom sounds like a Fruit Loop. I'm glad you called the lawyer. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 393
Location: East Texas | Make an incident report with the local police dept. for when she picked her up from the daycare and when she come to your work place and caused a disturbance by screaming at you. You do not have to press charges just have a report on hand. You will need a paper trail for court and keep a diary with all witnesses names and information for future use. If its reported with the police then when you have to go to court in the future it will not just be your word against hers. I promise the apple did not fall far from the tree when it pertains to her and her son. BE CAREFUL! |
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 Good Grief!
Posts: 6343
Location: Cap'n Joan Rotgut.....alberta | that would be the last time any of his family had contact.....i have no pity for stupid ppl...........
m
p.s. and i would charge her with kidnapping.......
Edited by mruggles 2014-05-20 3:49 PM
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1034
| BrownieBites - 2014-05-20 3:44 PM
Make an incident report with the local police dept. for when she picked her up from the daycare and when she come to your work place and caused a disturbance by screaming at you. You do not have to press charges just have a report on hand. You will need a paper trail for court and keep a diary with all witnesses names and information for future use. If its reported with the police then when you have to go to court in the future it will not just be your word against hers. I promise the apple did not fall far from the tree when it pertains to her and her son. BE CAREFUL!
This is sound advice. Take it from a police officer who has gone thru my own custody battle. |
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Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | BrownieBites - 2014-05-20 3:44 PM Make an incident report with the local police dept. for when she picked her up from the daycare and when she come to your work place and caused a disturbance by screaming at you. You do not have to press charges just have a report on hand. You will need a paper trail for court and keep a diary with all witnesses names and information for future use. If its reported with the police then when you have to go to court in the future it will not just be your word against hers. I promise the apple did not fall far from the tree when it pertains to her and her son. BE CAREFUL!
I think I'm going to have too. Today is my best friends birthday...and she had the guts to walk into the store she works at and scream at her.....then she walked the block up to my office to scream at me. I've been civil with her and allowed her to have my daughter when she would ask for her...and I never gave her any grief. I didn't ask for this, I want to make sure my child is safe. |
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The Resident Destroyer of Liberal Logic
Location: PNW | She sounds like a fruitcake. And I'd bet she is allowing the father to see your daughter.
I'd be flipping my schmidt on HER AND THE DAYCARE. It doesn't matter if she's on the list or not, they should never release your child to ANYONE without confirmed parental consent.
And then I'd be filing a report with the police.
Good luck lady, and keep that precious girl of yours safe! Hugs! That situation sucks. |
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Expert
Posts: 1343
Location: East Texas | In Texas, you can file for grandparents' rights, but the grandparent has to prove that it would be a detriment to the child if the child was not allowed to see them. Sounds like you have lots of reasons for a judge to feel that the grandmother IS a detriment!!
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | hoofs_in_motion - 2014-05-20 2:16 PM Southtxponygirl - 2014-05-20 2:13 PM Is she back home with you now? Oh that would have made me very up set too, Hugs
I just don't know what to do. The new daycare provider has been made aware, and this is the last week for my daughter to be in the currently daycare. She goes to the new facility next tuesday.
That daycare should HAVE NOT let this women take your baby befor they had called and talked to you first if there was no list of who could be picking her up. They have your work number I'm sure, so they should have called you first to double check.
I know you will list who will be picking up your baby at the new daycare, dont forget to do it.  |
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Cold hands and Warm Heart
Location: oklahoma | I'd talk to the daycare of course and take your attorney's advice and only want to add that gma is probably letting daddy see your daughter. Now she's scared that she's losing control so she's yelling at you. My parting words would be, " see you in court." They'd take me in front of a judge before I handed her over for any sort of visitation. You've gone above and beyond considering what your ex has done to you both. |
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 Not Afraid to Work
Posts: 4717
| Just a few things working in law enforcement....
You cannot just "put things on record." You have to actually file a complaint and get a case number. Meaning speak with an officer. (too many people think they can just call and put it on "record." - no such thing)
When you go to court, get a custody agreement and have an attorney go through it with a fine tooth comb.
Add this Grandma to your protection order. Advise your daycare of situation and tell them to call law enforcement with any suspicious activity. Also get documentation.
Print all text messages and keep a detailed journal of any and all incidents. You will need this for court.
Good Luck |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 319
| No advice, but hugs to you. Sounds like you are taking the high road in a bad situation. Keep your daughter close, this must be very confusing for her, and hang in there. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 927
Location: Iowa | Hugs to you. It's never easy. Best advise that I have is to not add any verbal ammunition to her. You need to file the extension on the order to include her not to see her grandaughter for now until she can be civil.
Edited by memory 2014-05-20 11:04 PM
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| Any security video cameras at your friends job or your job you could get copies of grandma screaming to give to your attorney and judge??
NO phone conversations to any of them ... period ... you know they will be recording anything you say ... just do not answer your phone and let them do voice mail or texts and keep a daily diary .... AGAIN ... NO CONVERSATIONS OF ANY KIND and beware if old friend shows up to find out what you are doing as their mole to keep them posted ..
GOOD LUCK ... |
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Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | to add insult to injury....... She called the sheriff and had a sheriff come to the house to do a "welfare or well ess" check on my daughter. Of course the officer was mad because he knows me and knows how well I care for my child.......more or less that it was a bogus claim and she was wasting his time. She asked for a call back.......so he called her back and was not nice to her. I'm calling the court house today to file a pfa against her |
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 Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | Ughhh....I'm so sorry you're going through all this. Many hugs. I'd break her knee caps if she took my child without my permission.......don't do that.......that's just what I would do. |
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 Baby Blue's
Posts: 7306
Location: Texas | hoofs_in_motion - 2014-05-20 2:14 PM KylaKris - 2014-05-20 2:13 PM I have had 2 different day cares the last couple of years and both have me list who is allowed to pick up my child. If you never filled anything out or gave them written permission, you day care is at fault for letting her go. She has a hand written note with his mother's name on the list to be allowed to pick her up. That is my fault for not even thinking of giving her a new list of who isn't to pick her up.
The PFA was recently filed
So there IS a list a daycare and your ex's MIL is on it?
I wouldn't be pointing fingers at the daycare. Looks like they followed protocol. |
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Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | bocephus's mama - 2014-05-21 7:32 AM hoofs_in_motion - 2014-05-20 2:14 PM KylaKris - 2014-05-20 2:13 PM I have had 2 different day cares the last couple of years and both have me list who is allowed to pick up my child. If you never filled anything out or gave them written permission, you day care is at fault for letting her go. She has a hand written note with his mother's name on the list to be allowed to pick her up. That is my fault for not even thinking of giving her a new list of who isn't to pick her up.
The PFA was recently filed
I wouldn't be pointing fingers at the daycare. Looks like they followed protocol.
Yes I understand, and I did speak with my attorney about that. She starts a new daycare next tuesday and the grandmother's name will be on the "do not pick up" list. |
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| hoofs_in_motion - 2014-05-21 6:49 AM
to add insult to injury....... She called the sheriff and had a sheriff come to the house to do a "welfare or well ess" check on my daughter. Of course the officer was mad because he knows me and knows how well I care for my child.......more or less that it was a bogus claim and she was wasting his time. She asked for a call back.......so he called her back and was not nice to her. I'm calling the court house today to file a pfa against her
Where you work, was there any witnesses? If so have them meet with your lawyer and give a statement, if they cannot meet with your lawyer, have them write down recollection of events, date and sign it have them mail it to your lawyer.
Have your friend do the same, and if there are any witnesses see if she can get them to do the same.
This way you have not been in contact with the statement and might stand up in court better then you hand delivering the statement to you lawyer.
Good luck and prayers for a calm/positive resolution |
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 Expert
Posts: 1304
| No advice but prayers for you all!  |
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Neat Freak
Posts: 11216
Location: Wonderful Wyoming | After reading all this especially that she had the wellness check done on you, I would send a letter (from your lawyer) explaing that she has crossed the line and you are DONE! A nut case like this could mess around until she finds something and have that baby taken from you. Children are taken all the time from good parents over some BS charge while others are neglected and Child Services allow the truly needy cases to slide through the cracks. |
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Industrial Srength Barrel Racer
Posts: 7268
| wyoming barrel racer - 2014-05-21 11:09 AM After reading all this especially that she had the wellness check done on you, I would send a letter (from your lawyer) explaing that she has crossed the line and you are DONE! A nut case like this could mess around until she finds something and have that baby taken from you. Children are taken all the time from good parents over some BS charge while others are neglected and Child Services allow the truly needy cases to slide through the cracks.
Amen to this! And hugs to you - I'm sorry you are having to deal with her as she sounds like a real head case. |
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Sideways Riding Expert
Posts: 11371
Location: ND--it snows, it floods, it snows, it floods | Did you have the current Daycare remove her from the approved list? If not have that done immediately as well. |
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 Ima Fickle Fan
Posts: 3547
Location: Texas | wyoming barrel racer - 2014-05-21 11:09 AM After reading all this especially that she had the wellness check done on you, I would send a letter (from your lawyer) explaing that she has crossed the line and you are DONE! A nut case like this could mess around until she finds something and have that baby taken from you. Children are taken all the time from good parents over some BS charge while others are neglected and Child Services allow the truly needy cases to slide through the cracks.
Absolutely agree! The fact that granny would do this indicates she's not a safe person to be near your child. She is a fruit loop.
And if she wants to fight dirty, you're the MOM. Your rights trump hers. Get proof of EVERYTHING and fight dirty back. And when I say fight dirty, I mean eliminate this woman from your daughter's life. This woman's son isn't supporting his daughter, why does she think she should have visitation with her granddaughter? Especially when it sounds like granny is trying to get your daughter removed from your home. |
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Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | wyoming barrel racer - 2014-05-21 11:09 AM After reading all this especially that she had the wellness check done on you, I would send a letter (from your lawyer) explaing that she has crossed the line and you are DONE! A nut case like this could mess around until she finds something and have that baby taken from you. Children are taken all the time from good parents over some BS charge while others are neglected and Child Services allow the truly needy cases to slide through the cracks.
I'll speak with my attorney about the letter. She texted me again this morning, and I have yet to give her a response, but she "apologized" to me....but never once said anything about the wellness check. That burns my bottom she would even consider doing that, and she did it out of pure spite. Thankfully the deputy knew us and was extremely helpful with some questions.
I'm honestly afraid she will get the state involved |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | hoofs_in_motion - 2014-05-21 2:12 PM wyoming barrel racer - 2014-05-21 11:09 AM After reading all this especially that she had the wellness check done on you, I would send a letter (from your lawyer) explaing that she has crossed the line and you are DONE! A nut case like this could mess around until she finds something and have that baby taken from you. Children are taken all the time from good parents over some BS charge while others are neglected and Child Services allow the truly needy cases to slide through the cracks. I'll speak with my attorney about the letter. She texted me again this morning, and I have yet to give her a response, but she "apologized" to me....but never once said anything about the wellness check. That burns my bottom she would even consider doing that, and she did it out of pure spite. Thankfully the deputy knew us and was extremely helpful with some questions.
I'm honestly afraid she will get the state involved
Get your ducks in a row now.... Sorry you are having to deal with all of this. Sounds like you gave her a chance and she bit the hand that fed her.
I'd be getting her and the whole family out of my life asap....via a pfa or restraining order. Call the police and file reports for everything so you have evidence should you have go to court. |
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 Can You Hear Me Now?
Location: When you hit the middle of nowhere .. Keep driving | I'd probably not be able to handle it as well as you are. I would lose my sh!t. Many hugs. File the order... and I would charge her too. You have proof that she wasn't supposed to pick the child up, you told her not too. If she's willing to involve cops and such you should be too. |
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Not Afraid to Work
Posts: 4717
| We deal with these kinda people all the time. Crazy MIL or Mothers when they are on the outs with someone. They call in check welfare basically using law enforcement to do the harassing for them. Make sure if this happens again, you tell the deputy/officer you do not want any information released to that party and that you are currently working with an attorney due to harassment issues.
Also file a claim if you havent already. You need that documentation. Shes shown her level of instability now, I wouldnt care if she begged on hands and knees, shes shown she isnt stable and should not be allowed unsupervised visits at best. |
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 Money Eating Baggage Owner
Posts: 9586
Location: Phoenix | I have no advice, but hang in there!!! Lots of great advice on here. Hugs!! |
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OT - What can I do, advice needed