|
|
 Grasshopper
Posts: 7726
    
Location: Lost in North Dakota....wishin on all the stars | The beginning has ended... Which leaves me wondering how this next chapter will play out.
As most of you know, My son Matthew and 3 friends were killed by a drunk driver 10/22/2011.. In Grande Prairie Alberta. A 5th boy survived... If you call it that. Life since then, well this past year, since my last up date has been.... Life. Since he was sentenced to his 3 years on Feb 28, 2014 we knew we had dark days ahead again... He was released on day parole August 2014, which brought the weekly phone calls telling us he is going home for 3 days, going Camping, going for birthday parties, a wedding, a graduation.... ( which Tanner and Walter SHOULD have been at)... May 10th, Mattys 19th birthday he got to go camping.... Me, well I could hardly move from my couch... A veru good friend remember Matt with a birthday cake for me... Lots of tears, especially with mothers day the next day. We know injustice and we know that the score would never be for our boys, the beginning has ended. Yesterday he was granted full parole. No more phone calls telling us what he is doing, no more. Now he has the rope to either walk on or hang himself with.
No, I don't believe he is totally remourseful, because he has yet to own everything he did that night.... But time will tell. After 7 months... His debt for killing those boys has been served. He is a free man, only having to attend councelling... And not get caught drinking...7 months... Not even 2 months for each life he ended.
I am struggling to find forgiveness... I have a forgiving heart and believe that I need to forgive him to heal my wounds, for Matty... But its a struggle, I rely on Romans in the bible a lot. My pastor is a member of BADD and is a pastor for some biker churchs as well... He has helped, but while, I have put it in my own heart to forgive, the Almighty has yet to show me that path.
That's, the update... Coming on 3 years since that terrible night... |
|
| |
|
 Elite Veteran
Posts: 999
Location: Sunny So Cal |  praying for you. May you find comfort and peace. |
|
| |
|
 Ima Fickle Fan
Posts: 3547
Location: Texas |  If I were there in person, I would give you a hug. His punishment did not begin to fit the tragedy he inflicted. I am so sorry for your and the other families losses. I hope this young man truly has remorse, although I doubt it. But I hope the weight of it hangs on him for the rest of his life.
Continued prayers for your family. I can't begin to fathom how you have gotten this far and continue to move forward. |
|
| |
|
 Triple Extra-Ordinaire
Posts: 4244
Location: Okla | I think of you often and have been keeping you in my prayers. Hugs for you |
|
| |
|
 Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | |
|
| |
|
 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Prayers, I will never understand the legal system regarding drunk drivers. It was not a mistake, it was a decision to not be responsible and consider others safety. |
|
| |
|
 Famous for Not Complaining
Posts: 8848
Location: Broxton, Ga | Prayers |
|
| |
|
 Hugs to You
Posts: 7550
Location: In The Land of Cotton | I am so very sorry. I can't even begin to know how you feel. Prayers for your peace. |
|
| |
|
 Elite Veteran
Posts: 766
Location: Texas | |
|
| |
|
 Firecracker Dog Lover
Posts: 3175
| So very sorry. I too would find it difficult to forgive - especially since the little idiot hasn't really ever shown any remorse for what he did. Prayers to you that you find comfort and healing - and peace. Big hugs. |
|
| |
|
Extreme Veteran
Posts: 398
| Prayers for you. |
|
| |
|
  Fact Checker
Posts: 16572
Location: Displaced Iowegian | Prayers and hugs for you! |
|
| |
|
 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas |
 |
|
| |
|
 If it Ain't a Paint it Ain't!
Posts: 8519
Location: Mansfield, Tx | |
|
| |
|
 Twin Sister to Queen Boobie
Posts: 13315
Location: East Tennessee but who knows?! | Prayers for you to find release and peace. You have been thru a lot. |
|
| |
|
 Total Germophobe
Posts: 6437
Location: Montana | |
|
| |
|
 Max is Back
Posts: 6795
Location: Flat Rock,IL | |
|
| |
|
 Expert
Posts: 1584
Location: Central Texas | HUGS! I think of you often. I have no words, only shock and disgust. |
|
| |
|
 Ms. Manners
Posts: 1820
Location: Oklahoma | Prayers and hugs . . . I hope for you to find peace soon.
|
|
| |
|
Queen Bean of Ponyland
Posts: 24953
Location: WYOMING | Somethings can never be forgiven or forgotten. |
|
| |
|
Go Get Em!
Posts: 13503
Location: OH. IO | I think of you often,and pray you find peace in your heart |
|
| |
|
 Balance Beam and more...
Posts: 11493
Location: 31 lengths farms | I have not words of wisdom, just prayers that there will come a day when thoughts of your Matty first bring a smile to your face, enough so that your heart has some ease. |
|
| |
|
Cold hands and Warm Heart
Location: oklahoma |
i think of you often |
|
| |
|
 Scorpions R Us
Posts: 9586
Location: So. Cali. | I know how sick I am over the 'punishment' or lack their of, he has recieved so I can only ever begin to imagine the pain you are in. Continued for you and your family |
|
| |
|
 Expert
Posts: 2036
Location: Montana | |
|
| |
|
Expert
Posts: 3147
| Prayers that you find peace. |
|
| |
|
 Angel in a Sorrel Coat
Posts: 16030
Location: In a happy place | You have been on my mind so much the last two weeks. My heart just breaks for you. The legal system for the most part is an enemy. Prayers for peace and comfort for you. |
|
| |
|
 Ima Non Controversial Girl
Posts: 4168
Location: where the wind blows | When I saw the news of his release I instantly thought of you Jetz. The justice system in Canada is joke. But you know that. Canadians in general know how pathetic our justice system is. I can't imagine what you are going through. And as much as I agree that you need to forgive this monster for your own healing I'm not sure I could do the same walking your path. Continued prayers to you for peace. |
|
| |
|
 No Fear
Posts: 5089
Location: TN | |
|
| |
|
Extreme Veteran
Posts: 501
Location: Alberta | |
|
| |
|
 More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | |
|
| |
|
 pressure dripper
Posts: 8696
Location: the end of the rainbow | I cannot imagine your struggle. It's not really that he wasn't punished but more that he doesn't own the fact that he took 5 young innocent lives. I am sorry. It would be really hard for me too. I am also praying that you will soon be able to open your heart allow our Lord and Savior to grant you to peace you so deserve. I know your heart is heavy and that you miss your Matty terribly. I am so sorry. |
|
| |
|
 Expert
Posts: 2154
Location: USA | Jetz, everyone grieves and heals in different times and ways. Some take longer than others. Some never quit grieving. Your heart is still heavy, with courts and paroles still so fresh,and forgiveness may not be part of your vocabulary right now, but please do not hold onto the hatred. I pray in time you will let go of the hatred. It does not mean you are saying what happened is okay, it will only mean that you refuse to let what happened control you. I've been in a similar situation. It took me several years to forgive. When I realized I finally forgave him, a huge weight had been lifted. Now if I met the guy who took mine from me on the street, I would probably knock the crap out of him, but I no longer hate him.
Many hugs and prayers for you. |
|
| |
|
Grasshopper
Posts: 7726
Location: Lost in North Dakota....wishin on all the stars | Thank you everyone. This has been a journey, a struggle and a... Well a learning experience. I have learned things about myself that I never could have thought. I don't "hate" the guy. Not saying I wouldn't step on his head of he were drowning in a puddle, and I don't wish harm upon him. Its just frustrating now, 3 years later his family and friends still try to down play what he did, still try to blame my Matthew. And me, well I can't ignore them when they do this. I have the whole court transcript in my email, I have the police file on a disc, no one wants to see that when I offer to send it, because the truth is printed in black and white.... His mom, recently said that kids speeding is becoming a problem....and that buddy wants to speak to youths about that ...... Well ok, but maybe he should also add that he was 3 times the legal limit (after they picked him up hours later) maybe he should add that he ran away from the accident and failed to render any kind of help... Instead of calling 911 he called his sister (and SHE did not call 911 either).... So own it all. Just because our crown was a punk and took the coward way out by taking a crappy plea deal, JUST because that plea deal didnt include drunk driving causing death doesn't mean that you weren't doing it and certainly doesn't mean that it was admitted to in court. along with the, I was too drunk to be driving and I knew it... Bah, sorry, I am ranting. I do that from we'll all the time. Anyway, I asked someone in his family to contact me... Because I want to know who he is. I don't think he is a monster, but he is after all the leading person in my nightmare.... I want to know what kind of person he is, I want them to know about Matthew and who he was, maybe that will help us both in our healing....
. Yesterday the woman from the parole board called me to explain everything to me.. This woman has heard me rant, heard me cry, heard me be mean and heard me be... Ok with everything. She has known me through most of this process and yesterday she cried with me, on the phone as we talked about these past 7 months... You could hear her heart break in her voice when I told her I was concerned for my Chance and for all the siblings of the boys, because what if he showed up at a football game or graduation or stood behind them in line at WalMart... I was, am and will be so worried for my Chance, the thought of him driving drunk again and hitting my Bean consumes me.... But he is going to Spruce Grove... Just outside of Edmonton... And for that, I am thankful....
Zach is doing.... Good?? Well maybe as good as can be expected. He helps coach the football team. He has anger issues, doesn't understand why he lived. He told Chance one day, that he wished Matt had been smaller, so he could have died too... Matts 6'5 295lb frame took the brunt of the impact off of Zach... He graduated this year, Like Tanner and Walter should have....The Almighty has plans for Zach and what they are... Well we will see.
. On the other side of all this, my heart was devastated again for a family who have become dear friends. She may or may not be a buddy on here so I won't mention names, but in August of 2011, her high school age son was also killed by a drunk driver in Saskatchewan.... This boy was a handsome athletic, bull riding, brilliant hockey playing teen. Yesterday the man who killed him was given a 6 month sentence..... Justins life... Was with 6 short months.... Canadas justice system is broken.....
. Now, lol if you stayed with me long enough to read this novel... The rantings of a mad bat crap crazy woman... Then maybe you would like to do something. Kim Thomas whose son Brandon was killed just before Christmas 2012 is planning a shoe in, on the court steps in Calgary. We are collecting shoes, to represent all the kids and people killed by drunk drivers.... If you would like to send her a pair of shoes, please message me and I will send you her address. After the show in, the shoes in good co dition will be donated to charities throughout the area....
Thank you all, from day 1, this board has been my support. I have met some amazing people through this journey... You all have cried, been mad and sick with me through it all. You turned the world orange for my boys, you gave me sense when my brain was not working... Each of you mean a great deal to me and it is because you were here in the beginning, I thought I would let you know the end of the beginning... Love to each of you all..... |
|
| |
|
 Elite Veteran
Posts: 802
| Many prayers for you ..... over time, I promise your heart will heal and you will find peace. Feel for you so much during this time.
ETA pls send me Kim's address, I will send shoes
Edited by sweetjet 2014-06-06 10:50 AM
|
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 738
Location: Anywhere my horses are ! Lost in Texas!!!!! | Thinking of you |
|
| |
|
 Slap Happy
Posts: 3530
Location: Frogsboro, NC | HUGS and PRAYERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 1028
| I am so sorry. I cannot imagine exactly what you are going through, but on July 27, 2013, my 18 year old brother was ganged up on and beaten to death at a party. The police still have no one in custody, and to be honest, I think they've stopped looking. I have been angry/sad since that day, but like you, I am determined to find that forgiveness in my heart. I pray that you do as well. |
|
| |
|
 Serious Snap Trapper
Posts: 4275
Location: In The Snow, AZ | Forgiveness will come when it is meant to come. I believe God expects us to forgive others, but I don't believe it has to happen immediately. Until you find that peace, be angry. Be hurt. Be sad. Love your family. Laugh and smile as much as you can. Cry for God when you can't. Hold on to hope for better days, because they will come. I'm praying for you. May God bless you. I pray you find peace and purpose. As long as you're breathing, God has a reason for you. |
|
| |
|
Extreme Veteran
Posts: 477
| bowersk - 2014-06-06 12:33 PM
I am so sorry. I cannot imagine exactly what you are going through, but on July 27, 2013, my 18 year old brother was ganged up on and beaten to death at a party. The police still have no one in custody, and to be honest, I think they've stopped looking. I have been angry/sad since that day, but like you, I am determined to find that forgiveness in my heart. I pray that you do as well.
I am so sorry for your loss, how terrible and horriffic! What could have caused someone or some other teens to want to do such a thing to your brother?
To the OP, I feel so sad and angry for your loss. Prayers for your peace. |
|
| |
|
Grasshopper
Posts: 7726
Location: Lost in North Dakota....wishin on all the stars | slowrunnin - 2014-06-06 4:49 PM
bowersk - 2014-06-06 12:33 PM
I am so sorry. I cannot imagine exactly what you are going through, but on July 27, 2013, my 18 year old brother was ganged up on and beaten to death at a party. The police still have no one in custody, and to be honest, I think they've stopped looking. I have been angry/sad since that day, but like you, I am determined to find that forgiveness in my heart. I pray that you do as well.
I am so sorry for your loss, how terrible and horriffic! What could have caused someone or some other teens to want to do such a thing to your brother?
To the OP, I feel so sad and angry for your loss. Prayers for your peace.
I am so sorry for what happened to your brother. Sometimes I just wonder, what the heck is wrong with people anymore |
|
| |
|
 MEOW!
Posts: 4477
Location: High heels in the air... | I am so sorry...I would like for you to think about telling your story in schools, churches, in writing...how life as we know it can turn on a dime. You may save a life including your own. I believe you are capable of greater things.
Release your anger on a punching bag, throw rocks in the lake...run until you can't think. Great pain only lessens with time but the scar remains. Hound the legislature until laws are changed. I think those boys would like to know someone is still fighting for them...you have my vote, my support and my love.
Edited by CowboyUp!!! 2014-06-07 6:52 PM
|
|
| |
|
 Not Afraid to Work
Posts: 4717
| CowboyUp!!! - 2014-06-07 6:51 PM
I am so sorry...I would like for you to think about telling your story in schools, churches, in writing...how life as we know it can turn on a dime. You may save a life including your own. I believe you are capable of greater things.
Release your anger on a punching bag, throw rocks in the lake...run until you can't think. Great pain only lessens with time but the scar remains. Hound the legislature until laws are changed. I think those boys would like to know someone is still fighting for them...you have my vote, my support and my love.
I am so sorry for what you are going through. Forgiveness may come in time but I can tell you I think you and I would feel the same you do. The legal system in very frustrating. I am surprised Canada isnt harder on DWI crimes since I know we cant visit if you've ever been convicted of one.
I agree with the post about writing and getting his story out there. I always had a strong opinion on drinking and driving when I read a poem at 8 years old. That poem changed my life and you would be surprised how much you could change someones when you feel the strength to do so. |
|
| |
|
 Money Eating Baggage Owner
Posts: 9586
Location: Phoenix | 3x the legal limit? Wow. My boyfriend went drinking with his cop buddy who gave him a breathalyzer just for kicks and giggles. He blew barely over the limit and admitted that there was no way he would have driven. He was surprised he barely passed the limit because he thought he would have been waaaay over. So to be 3x the limit and driving........wow.
This all starts at home......my parents told me that I could ALWAYS call them, no matter what. I'm sure any parent would want to be woken up in the middle of the night to go get their kid rather than find them in the ditch the next morning.....makes you wonder where the parenting is.
I wish you peace. |
|
| |
An update for everyone who cared.... 10/22/2011- Now