Posted 2014-06-05 1:59 PM Subject: OT but advice on handling a MIL that plays favorites?
Expert
Posts: 1261
My husband's mom has always played favorites always putting his older brother first. I have seen over the years how he has been hurt by this. His brother is completely ungrateful for anything she does for him always expects expensive gifts and takes money with no intention of paying back and my husband never asks or expects anything and is always helping and thankful yet she obviously favors his brother. When he was in high school she was even taking his money and sending it to his brother who was off drinking and flunking out of school. Anyway we both have babies now that are just a few months apart but it's already apparent that the favorite is his brothers child and I can see its hurting my husband all over again and I don't want my son to ever feel the hurt my husband has. His brothers daughter is the older one and grandma's fb, fridge and office have tons of pictures of her and not a single picture of our son and she's always gushing over things like her rolling over for the first time but when my son does it she doesn't even notice. How can I protect my son from being hurt by her? My husband has already called her out on it several times as a mother and she has no shame at all about it we haven't brought up the fact that she also is playing favorites with the grandchildren but I have a feeling her response will be about the same.
Posted 2014-06-05 2:09 PM Subject: RE: OT but advice on handling a MIL that plays favorites?
Ima Fickle Fan
Posts: 3547 Location: Texas
If it were me, I would limit your contact with her as much as possible. Why invite her to treat your spouse and son poorly? I know it's easier said than done, but you can't always control how others act. You can only control your response.
My dad is a somewhat toxic person to be around. He is getting better, but a lot of that has to do with me limiting my interaction with him. My sister's kids are his favorite grandkids and I've learned to accept it. I live far enough away that we don't deal with it often. And when he's here, I've cut him off a few times when he was ugly or I've called him out on it there. I got tired of sucking it up and letting him do it.
I find it extremely sad when a parent plays favorites and continues to do so with grandchildren. That is wrong. If it's been brought up and her behavior hasn't changed, find different ways to deal with her. And that may mean cutting her out of your life. It's like the mean kid throwing sand in the sandbox. If the kid doesn't get kicked out, you can keep getting sand in the eye or you can take your toys and leave.
Posted 2014-06-05 4:58 PM Subject: RE: OT but advice on handling a MIL that plays favorites?
Fact Checker
Posts: 16575 Location: Displaced Iowegian
Your husband is an adult and should take care of the problem with his mother regarding HIS situation....That being said, the child is YOUR responsibililty and take my word for it, your child will be harmed by realization of being "less" in the eyes of the grandmother.....limit the contact with her! My children have nothing to do with their grandmother because of a situation much like this....and she is now a VERY lonely old woman.....
OT but advice on handling a MIL that plays favorites?
