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 Scooters Savior
   
Location: "Si Fi" Ville | Well, here we are, another day in the swamp, hotter than a crawdad in a pot of boiling water. The last thing I want to do of late, is go outside. But I know I must since I have six broom tails that would love to call my number like a blue haired lady on Monday night at the Bingo hall. But, I am just not feeling the love with my four legged crew. I have one squealing, yearling stallion that is sorely in need of a "come to Jesus" meeting or brain surgery, a spooky, snorty two year old that packs it out of here faster than my paycheck, at the sound of a mouse fart, a four year old mare that has a built in eject button, parachute not included, a sensitive touchy 3 year old drama queen with PMS(psychotic mood swings for you unknowing ones), a four year old Houdini expert and my broke reliable gelding, Stretch....aka Cookie Monster.
Now Stretch, he's the "Bart Simpson", you know him, the prankster, the sneak, the court jester. He is the bane of my existence and the pain in my backside that hemorrhoid creme can not cure. For those of you that know me, well you know Stretch. He was one of the most expensive horses I ever purchased and had the talent to go as far as you wanted to go. But Stretch was kind of like my first marriage, it was beautiful at first, skip to the end... bad divorce. And like my first husband who I married again, (no I do not do drugs), I went and got Stretch back, knowing that a kid would be crying because Stretch stole his burger, coke etc., I would be crying because he took apart a saddle, took the lights off my trailer, or took the paint off my truck but hey, he is my monkey.
But, he was one of the few that I could drop bridle, reins, etc. and work a reining pattern just off voice and leg. I figure I will pony colts and sort on him.
Being that it is summer, and my 14 year old nephew has not learned how to ride, I invite him over for the weekend. He is thrilled and is here within the hour. I go over basics as we are saddling Stretch. My phone rings, my brother calls to ask his son does he want to come home for supper or are you staying at Aunt Cat's house. I relay this to my nephew who does not want to miss having his first experience of being a real cowboy. As I relay the message back to my brother, a commotion ensues. I turn to see Stretch, head up, big eyed blinking with that "I didn't do it look" I have seen a million times, and my nephew holding his chest mumbling some jumbo about nipples and such, my brother is asking what is going on and did he here something about nipples. I told him to hold on, and I tell my nephew to slow down and tell me what happened and did he say "nipples"?????
Then, my nephew lifts his shirt, points at Stretch, and hollered, "He nibbled my nipple!!!" I looked at him in disbelief, did I hear this right? And sure enough, two little red marks where he did indeed pinch him. At this point too much time had passed for me to whip him. And, I had to explain to my brother, that my nipple nibbling horse had violated his son. Oh boy, this IS my Circus, and yep these are my monkeys. Needless to say, my brother had a sense of humor about it since no harm had come to his son. My nephew was shocked as he said "that he had been violated by a herbivore and could not wait till school started and he could tell his friends".
Alas, I sigh, I am glad I kept that "Silence of the Lambs" contraption in the barn instead of sending it to the annual church rummage sale. I may just need it after all.
Hope all is well, signing off and back to the swamp, the crew awaits. Now what did I do with that magic seat/parachute combo?
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  That's White "Man" to You
Posts: 5515
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 702
| Captivating, poetic, horse humor, could read a book by you:)
Edited by txaggiegal 2014-06-20 8:26 PM
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 Expert
Posts: 4121
Location: SE Louisiana |   | |
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Veteran
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Scooters Savior
Location: "Si Fi" Ville | Around here, it IS the Big Adventure daily. One day soon, I will have to share the story of my dear old dad and brother almost ending up in the Parish Pokey (same thing as a county jail in other states) It is priceless! | |
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 I Prefer to Live in Fantasy Land
Posts: 64864
Location: In the Hills of Texas | | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 975
Location: The barn...where else? SW Missouri | Hilarious story!!!
Edited by RunNbarrels 2014-06-21 2:57 PM
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Yes sir, those are my monkeys......