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My Heelers are Heroes
Posts: 4685
   
| I am babysitting this summer for a very nice lady. Problem is she and her kid are filthy. I have never seen a house so nasty in my life and as a result it is infested with roaches. I probably kill a hundred a day. The kid is 8 and eats with his hands and spills as much as he gets in his mouth then just leaves it on the furniture and floor. Even the inside of the fridge is nasty and filthy. I just can't describe it all but it's really really bad. I've tryed to clean and washed load after load of clothes. Clothes aren't in drawers they are thrown on the floor. There is a horrible odor, I bring air freshner daily, but it doesn't kill it. I know if child services ever saw this they would yank this kid so fast. It's not healthy and he has no life skills such as eating and hygiene, he's filthy. Does not wipe his butt and he smells. I've tryed getting him to take baths every day.
i don't really want to but I'm beginning to wonder if I should report this. Would you? |
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 Twister Survivor
Posts: 1270
Location: Minnesota | Have you talked to the parent about it? I would start there, and say if you don't seen changes (BIG ones) in X amount of days youre going to be forced to report them. That is absolutely no living condition for anyone much less children. Sounds like something out of hoarders |
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 Hugs to You
Posts: 7551
Location: In The Land of Cotton | Wow. Because, I always "try" and give people the benefit of the doubt, speak to her about this situation. Tell her (if you are) willing to teach the child about cleanliness. If you get the blank stare and total rejection, call.
Some people just get lost in their own helplessness. Maybe you are their angel in disguise.
Edited by 3canstorun 2014-07-03 9:47 AM
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 Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | Don't be so quick to assume that CPS will take her child. I would do an anonymous report and see if anything changes. I've seen some downright horrible situations (eight kids living in a 2 bedroom house, filthy, with no groceries, toilet paper, or running water) and the kids were not removed. |
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My Heelers are Heroes
Posts: 4685
| If they didn't take him they aren't doing their job. I just found a place he pooped in the floor. The floor when there is 2 working toilets.
Talking isn't going to help. At her age she knows her house is filthy. She sees the bugs. It just doesn't bother her. |
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  Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | Take photos, contact authorities, and quit. filthy house is one thing but that is pure neglect.. |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | I've seen situations like this before.....if it were me, I wouldn't report the family. You know what I would do.....I would put on some rubber gloves and clean the heck out of that house. I would also speak with mom and tell her it is not okay for her to live like this, or bring a child up in a home like that.
I would help them, more than I would critize them. |
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 Money Eating Baggage Owner
Posts: 9586
Location: Phoenix | hoofs_in_motion - 2014-07-03 8:10 AM
I've seen situations like this before.....if it were me, I wouldn't report the family. You know what I would do.....I would put on some rubber gloves and clean the heck out of that house. I would also speak with mom and tell her it is not okay for her to live like this, or bring a child up in a home like that.
I would help them, more than I would critize them.
I would probably do the same thing.....like maybe kindly tell her this is NO way a child should live. But if you see her not care....report her. That's disgusting. I can't believe you've stayed. |
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 Expert
Posts: 2161
Location: NW. Florida | Talking to her is only going to cause problems between the two of you and it's not going to change a thing. Make the call. |
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 Texas Lone Star
Posts: 5318
Location: where ever my L/Q trl is parked | hammer_time - 2014-07-03 10:14 AM hoofs_in_motion - 2014-07-03 8:10 AM I've seen situations like this before.....if it were me, I wouldn't report the family. You know what I would do.....I would put on some rubber gloves and clean the heck out of that house. I would also speak with mom and tell her it is not okay for her to live like this, or bring a child up in a home like that.
I would help them, more than I would critize them. I would probably do the same thing.....like maybe kindly tell her this is NO way a child should live. But if you see her not care....report her. That's disgusting. I can't believe you've stayed.
Take photos then make the phone call to CPS or who ever one calls in this situation. I would diffinitely sterilize myself when I got home for vermits after I quit.  
Just thought of something isn't this kid in school? Should be 1st or 2nd grade. I"m sure the teacher's have notice the smell reeking from this kid- and I say this loosely. A goat probably emits a better odor. 
Edited by Aqhaczy 2014-07-03 10:53 AM
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Expert
Posts: 1226
| I agree take pictures to document. Did you know this child before the summer? Curious to know if be we to school this way. |
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| It's not a moral dilemma. It's an uncomfortable situation for you to be in but morally it's clear that something needs to be done. I don't know how old you are...an adult or a minor? If you are a minor, you need to talk to an adult in your life that could direct in the best way to get the proper people/agency involved in order to get this lady on track to taking proper care of her child. Sometimes all they need is a fire put under them and the fear of losing a child to straigten up or perhaps she's not mentally capable of understanding how "wrong" it is to have a child living under those conditions.
If push comes to shove, though, call the authorities and quit the job. At least you'll know you tried to do the right thing regardless of how it turns out. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1857
| cinch - 2014-07-03 9:57 AM
If they didn't take him they aren't doing their job. I just found a place he pooped in the floor. The floor when there is 2 working toilets.
Talking isn't going to help. At her age she knows her house is filthy. She sees the bugs. It just doesn't bother her.
He's 8 and pooped in the floor!! I hope you made him clean it up, and for that I think I would make him clean the bathrooms too..... maybe then he can remember what they are for! You should roll up your sleeves, get you some gloves, him some gloves, and you guys have a 101 on house cleaning. I'd explain to him that the way the house is, is not ok. The mother will notice, she may or may not help to keep it clean, but for the sake of that poor kid I couldn't watch him live like that. When the day comes for you to leave or you quit, I would drop a not so subtle hint that you are worried about the way they are living and she's taking care of her son and CPS may show up at her house if she's not careful. |
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 No Name Nancy
Posts: 2715
Location: never in the right place | I sure wouldn't be working there. yuck. |
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Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | It is not her responsiblity to clean the filth up.. nor show the boy how.. sometimes people need to be that caused it..if the mom had medical issues and asked for help then yes then all means help.. but not if shes perfectly capable of it..
Edited by Bibliafarm 2014-07-03 1:48 PM
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 Tough Patooty
Posts: 2615
Location: Sperry, OK | Bibliafarm - 2014-07-03 1:46 PM It is not her responsiblity to clean the filth up.. nor show the boy how.. sometimes people need to be that caused it..if the mom had medical issues and asked for help then yes then all means help.. but not if shes perfectly capable of it..
Exactly! No way in heck would I clean up that kind of filth for someone else that was perfectly capable.. and another thing.. there is NO WAY IN HELL I would stay in that house all day babysitting him. A little clutter is one thing.. even the occassional stinky trash can is okay.. but the first sight at a roach infestation to that extent... this okie would be OUT!!! They get on you and in your stuff, then you take them home.. they probably have bed bugs too! Now I need a bath just talking about it... ICK! |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1079
| I too want to know how this boy's appearance/smell haven't caught the attention of teachers? Also, this mom is obviously paying you to babysit on the regular - so does that mean she works? How can she hold down a job being so filthy and obviously irresponsible?
Seems strange to have the luxury of an inhome baby sitter (daily? very often at least) and yet be living in such extreme poverty.
No matter this all sounds beyond disgusting and I'd be freaking out on somebody. |
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 The Bling Princess
Posts: 3411
Location: North Dakota | Cleaning it up for her is a short term solution, to what is more than likely, a long term problem. Aren't people in "care giving" roles mandated reporters? I wouldn't be waiting another second to report this situation to the authorites. I agree with whomever said this was a case of neglect. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 448
Location: lone star state | I also would try to help this family and document and photograph before reporting. CPS will not remove for filth unless they have worked with the family numerous times. Often the home the child is removed from is better than where they are placed by the state.
Do you see physical problems with the child caused by the filth for example lice or skin sores? Are mom and child well bonded to each other or does mom neglect emotional needs of child as well? CPS is very far from what most people think of who live in sheltered utopia. Most often children are better off in the family home where they are loved and bonded with their caregiver than in a foster home or shelter. Unless you see physical or sexual abuse give this mom a chance to clean up her home with assistance and direction. |
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Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | firewaterfuelsme - 2014-07-03 3:27 PM I also would try to help this family and document and photograph before reporting. CPS will not remove for filth unless they have worked with the family numerous times. Often the home the child is removed from is better than where they are placed by the state. Do you see physical problems with the child caused by the filth for example lice or skin sores? Are mom and child well bonded to each other or does mom neglect emotional needs of child as well? CPS is very far from what most people think of who live in sheltered utopia. Most often children are better off in the family home where they are loved and bonded with their caregiver than in a foster home or shelter. Unless you see physical or sexual abuse give this mom a chance to clean up her home with assistance and direction.
if hes pooping on the floor there are issues.. hes 8.. neglect, abuse, attention, medical needs, mental needs.. someone needs to step in |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 448
Location: lone star state | Even if the state requests removal a judge will not remove based on filth. I have worked in the system many years. Judges know that if this 8 yr old is placed in a group shelter he is going to be physically and likely sexually abused. This child is better off home and getting mom help. |
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Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | I am sure but doesnt that require contacting authorities? |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 448
Location: lone star state | The only person required to report would be anyone who holds a state license such as teachers, medical professionals, law enforcement etc. Again teachers see dirty neglected kids everyday. Teachers also know that filth will not get a child removed. Many wash the clothes or give clothing to their students so that they can help them without completely disrupting the child's life possibly for the worse....
America would completely come undone if they knew how kids in their own community live. Many many have little to no food in their homes and filth, you can't even imagine the filthy homes in this country. And now our borders are open to anyone who walks across...while we can't manage the mess we already own....don't get me started on that one :( |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1034
| WYOTurn-n-Burn - 2014-07-03 1:59 PM
Cleaning it up for her is a short term solution, to what is more than likely, a long term problem. Aren't people in "care giving" roles mandated reporters? I wouldn't be waiting another second to report this situation to the authorites. I agree with whomever said this was a case of neglect.
This.
You cleaning for her will only a) last as long as you are her babysitter and obviously isn't helping anyway and b) you are enabling her to continue.
You know what you have to do. I'd report it and leave it to the authorities to sort out. This should not be a dilemma. |
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 IMA No Hair Style Gal
Posts: 2594
| Follow your gut. If you feel this way there is a reason.
I would report anonymously. Better to say something and there be deeper issues, then not say anything at all-and let those deeper issues develop into DEEPER issues.
We live in a society that is afraid to stand for what they believe in.
If you believe it is wrong-stand up to it.
ETA: If he is pooping on the floor I could almost BET there is a history of sexual abuse somewhere. Maybe not by his mom, but by someone.
Edited by magic gunsmoke 2014-07-03 5:26 PM
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| firewaterfuelsme - 2014-07-03 4:29 PM The only person required to report would be anyone who holds a state license such as teachers, medical professionals, law enforcement etc. Again teachers see dirty neglected kids everyday. Teachers also know that filth will not get a child removed. Many wash the clothes or give clothing to their students so that they can help them without completely disrupting the child's life possibly for the worse.... America would completely come undone if they knew how kids in their own community live. Many many have little to no food in their homes and filth, you can't even imagine the filthy homes in this country. And now our borders are open to anyone who walks across...while we can't manage the mess we already own....don't get me started on that one :(
The only ones "required" by law perhaps but her question was about a "moral" delemia; the law and morals don't always match. Morally, someone needs to act on this on the behalf of that child. |
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Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | runs4fun - 2014-07-03 6:54 PM firewaterfuelsme - 2014-07-03 4:29 PM The only person required to report would be anyone who holds a state license such as teachers, medical professionals, law enforcement etc. Again teachers see dirty neglected kids everyday. Teachers also know that filth will not get a child removed. Many wash the clothes or give clothing to their students so that they can help them without completely disrupting the child's life possibly for the worse.... America would completely come undone if they knew how kids in their own community live. Many many have little to no food in their homes and filth, you can't even imagine the filthy homes in this country. And now our borders are open to anyone who walks across...while we can't manage the mess we already own....don't get me started on that one :( The only ones "required" by law perhaps but her question was about a "moral" delemia; the law and morals don't always match. Morally, someone needs to act on this on the behalf of that child.
agree and fast.. |
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Miracle in the Making
Posts: 4013
| This is not a nice lady how can u even go inthere |
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My Heelers are Heroes
Posts: 4685
| Yes she has a good relationship with the child. There is plenty of food in the house. The home, they have about torn up.
strange thing is she is actually pretty successful financially. Home and both vehicles paid for. Makes good money and knows how to manage it.
At the start of summer I thought maybe I would try to clean it up but it's to big a job for 1 person. Heck I can't even find a starting point. And there is no cleaning supplies and I don't feel like I should have to buy them out of my pocket. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1096
| I remember a girl I went to school with. Her mother was a nurse. A good nurse at that but the house was HORRIBLE! Just a disaster. I think for some people they either don't see it or they have an issue which causes them to not know what to do. I would contact someone who can help the child. This child needs help and without it will only have more issues as time goes on. Also maybe help is out there for the mother if authorities are contacted. |
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 Dog Resuce Agent
Posts: 3459
Location: southeast Texas | Sometimes people are filthy, they were raised this way, many generations.
Sometimes the caregiver, mother is overwhelmed. All she can do is put one foot in front of the other.
Perhaps her hormones are out of whack.
To the original Poster. If you want to help around the home, gently talk to her. You could start out by saying you would like to help get things orginized and straightened up. That you need funds to purchase items to get started.
For the roaches, Bengil roach spray. You spray around the basebords in the house, all the way around in every room. Works wonders.
Realize anything you do positive, soon as you leave for good, it won't be long before its back the way it was.
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 Ditch the Stirrups
Posts: 5369
Location: Sorrow Not! Defending against workplace bullies | If the mom has money, ask if you can schedule an exterminator and cleaning service. Not just one time but on a regular basis.If she says no then call the authorities. Do not clean it up yourself. It will only be a short time before it is filthy again. |
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| My sister had 3 girls who are all now grown. The oldest lives in filth and is the happiest go-lucky, hard-working with a good job you would hope to meet. The middle daughter, is just the opposite an absolute OCD personality for cleanliness of her house (well, not OCD but close)....happy, good job etc. The youngest daughter...in between as far as dirty/clean house, etc. It's amazing how different people can be and still be just happy!
However, the description about the child...that's a different story, parents have a responsibility to take into consideration the physical and mental welfare of their children.
Edited by runs4fun 2014-07-04 12:56 PM
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Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | we all seem to be forgetting the 8 yr old poops on the floor.. there is mental or emotional issues..a clean house is the least of the concern |
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Ditch the Stirrups
Posts: 5369
Location: Sorrow Not! Defending against workplace bullies | Maybe the kid poops on the floor as a reaction to the filth or as a way of trying to bring attention to the filth. |
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My Heelers are Heroes
Posts: 4685
| I think kid pooped in the floor because he is nasty. Even when he goes to the bathroom he doesn't flush or wipe.
I don't believe he's abused. I've also wondered about the school not saying something about him being dirty smelling and his lack of eating skills. Maybe they do complain about it.
The more thought I put into it, I'm betting she was "raised" this way. Her Mom left when she was around 6. From every thing she's said I have the impression Dad provided the basics of home, food and clothes. But was gone from the home most of the time, including all night sometimes. I'm thinking Dad didn't do much house cleaning and neither did she as a child.
I never knew cockroaches were so smart. Kid told me they know when I'm there because they hide. I knew I was beginning to see less of them. After killing hundreds I thought I was winning. Now he tells me they are hiding from me. I do have spray and we've made a game out of the stomp and kill method. Which doubles as a way for him to pick up all the clothes out of the floor. |
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Ditch the Stirrups
Posts: 5369
Location: Sorrow Not! Defending against workplace bullies | Cinch what did you think of the idea to hire an exterminator and clraning professional to come in on a regular basis?
Pretty soon there will be bedbugs and rats in that house.
As an aside when I was a kid we visited my mom's sister and cousins and the place was soooo much dirtier than anything I had ever seen. My cousins showed me a hole in their bedroom wall where they fed rats! My mom was a clean freak but her sister never cleaned... |
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| Bibliafarm - 2014-07-04 1:58 PM we all seem to be forgetting the 8 yr old poops on the floor.. there is mental or emotional issues..a clean house is the least of the concern
I totally agree, that's why I said the child's welfare is a whole different story!!! Something not right there! Definitely somebody needs to address the situation with the child. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1119
| I don't have any advice, but hopefully whatever you do will help this kid.
And this story has motivated me to clean my house today....... |
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My Heelers are Heroes
Posts: 4685
| I can attempt the exterminator discussion but honestly I don't know if there is enough money in the world to pay for a house cleaner.
I honestly thought I'd do it. I can't find a starting place and there are no cleaning supplies. Everything I do is right back nasty the next day. How hard is it to wipe something up you spill.
It doesn't help matters that I have a thing about touching other people's belongings. I was raised to not touch or but into other people's business. When I gather clothes up out of the floor I cringe, thinking this isn't mine. |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | Be careful about stomping roaches. I have heard it is possible to bring their eggs home to your own house because they will stick to your shoes. They then hatch and infest your house. |
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My Heelers are Heroes
Posts: 4685
| Oh No I never thought of that. I don't carry my purse or any thing in with me because I did think of them getting in there. But I never thought about the bottom of my feet. |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | I didnt read all the posts but did get to where the 8 year old poops on the floor!!!!!! He's 8 years old, what is wrong with him, does he go to school? There would be no way in He$$ I could go into a house of flith.
Edited by Southtxponygirl 2014-07-05 5:49 PM
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Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | me either.. there is lots of germs and you can get really sick if he is doing that.. no telling where else he has done it when your not around.. ya know... Im sorry I love to help others to but that is not good.. |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Bibliafarm - 2014-07-05 5:46 PM me either.. there is lots of germs and you can get really sick if he is doing that.. no telling where else he has done it when your not around.. ya know... Im sorry I love to help others to but that is not good..
I would be worried about my own health being around all that flith. |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Can this little boy talk? Does he act like a child are animal? This is just to weird.. |
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 Chicken Chick
Posts: 3562
Location: Texas | I can't tell you how to handle it, but if it were me I would tell mom it isn't right. Part of me wants to think she doesn't know how to keep house and she is just overwhelmed with it all. If it were me and I thought that were the case, I would offer to HELP her clean the house on one of her days off. Once. Not be her maid... Then me and the little boy would be working over time on cleanliness (both him and the house).
If she doesn't keep up with it, or doesn't even want to change then I would call. I've dealt with CPS before, and most of the time they were a joke. Calling CPS would be my last resort after I tried to help the mom. That is just me though. I would want to try to help first if I thought that is just what she needs.
As for him pooping in the floor. If the house is really that filthy, and he is that dirty then my guess is he really hasn't been taught any better and doesn't have any consequences.
Do get pictures though regardless of what you decide. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 920
| I wouldn't clean it unless you discuss some sort of payment with her about it. Also Maybe bring up the pest and say you know a good exterminator. Bring up the fact the kid pooped in the floor. See what she says and measure her reaction. tell her you are concerned about him. Be casual about it and it might surprised you with what she says. Sometimes people life a certain way for so long they don't realize it. Did you ask the kid why he did it? Curious as what he said. Sometimes peoples situations aren't what they seem. A lot of time they are though and social services might need to be brought into the picture. |
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 Lived to tell about it and will never do it again
Posts: 5409
| I would be honest and just flat out tell him that he stinks like poop and to go wash his butt. Start making him clean up some of his stuff during the day, letting him know that the roaches carry diseases and rest hr needs to pick up his cloths so they don't get in them. I'm not the best house keeper either but glitter is far from filth
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 767
Location: Denver, but a Nebraska native -- GO BIG RED!!! | There is no way I would be in that house more than one minute. I can't stand filth like that. I had an aunt and uncle who lived in a house that was like that, but not as bad. It was nasty though. Some of their kids keep a clean house now as adults, but mostly they are pretty nasty as well. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 767
Location: Denver, but a Nebraska native -- GO BIG RED!!! | And I would turn her in. If everyone avoids turning her in this will continue. |
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 Party Girl
Posts: 12293
Location: Buffalo, Wyoming | How long did you say you have worked for her?
Have you not brought this up at all? What does the kid say about the filth?
I find it kind of hard that this subject has not been brought up with the mother at all. If you know that her house and cars are paid off she must feel somewhat comfortable talking to you about personal things. I would be very blunt with her and say " This house is a mess, and your kids $h!t$ on the floor." |
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My Heelers are Heroes
Posts: 4685
| Update: seems she has a contract with a exterminator company. It's never going to help until they make major changes. Mainly in the kitchen.
They were on vacation for a week. No one eating in the house. I've only seen 2 bugs all day. She also had the house cleaner than normal.
Yes he goes to school and the school does complain about him constantly. He talks but I can't understand a lot of it.
I feel obligated to stay til school starts but I won't make this mistake again. |
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Moral delemia