|
|
 Veteran
Posts: 135
 
Location: louisiana | Nothing to with horses but, the boyfriend wants to spend every weekend with his friends (brings me along cuz he wants to) but im getting tired of seeing them every weekend their main goal is just to drink and party, which is totally not me im not into the drinkin games and partyin all night every weekend. We do live together everything else is great between and he finds nothing wrong with spendin every weekend and get aways with them....so now I feel like the bad person when I say I don't wanna go see them or he gets mad when im ready to go home |
|
| |
|
 Horsey Gene Carrier
Posts: 1888
 
Location: LaBelle, Florida | Tell him how you feel. If he doesn't or won't take that into consideration it is time to 'trade up' cause he isn't going to change.
|
|
| |
|
Veteran
Posts: 135
Location: louisiana | we did talk his response was "we don't see them every weekend" and he stayed home with me pouted like a kid wouldn't talk to me and said ok im goin and left to hang with his friends or wants me to rotate all my plans around just so we can make his work |
|
| |
|
 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
 
Location: Kansas | ditch him.....He has no respect for you......so tell him to take a hike |
|
| |
|
 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1119
| My husband likes parties and big crowds and I prefer hanging out by myself or with just a few friends. We learned a long time ago that it works better if we a) drive separetly (our friends all live very close), b) he goes by himself, or c) the other wives/girlfriends and I make plans to do something we enjoy while the guys are hanging out. Those options work best for us so that I don't always have to be the bad guy and make him leave early. Sometimes he'll catch some flack for me not showing up places, but it's usually from people I don't want to hang out with anyways so I don't really care what they think!
|
|
| |
|
  Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | hoofs_in_motion - 2014-07-09 4:25 PM ditch him.....He has no respect for you......so tell him to take a hike
^^^^ THIS.........and you both sound a tad bit immature! |
|
| |
|
Extreme Veteran
Posts: 507
Location: Lost in the corn of Iowa. | Tell him how you feel. And if he's not OK with the fact that you wanna do something else then it's time to make a change. Rather be alone and happy than together and miserable. JMHO |
|
| |
|
Veteran
Posts: 135
Location: louisiana | MissouriJen - 2014-07-09 4:28 PM
My husband likes parties and big crowds and I prefer hanging out by myself or with just a few friends. We learned a long time ago that it works better if we a) drive separetly (our friends all live very close), b) he goes by himself, or c) the other wives/girlfriends and I make plans to do something we enjoy while the guys are hanging out. Those options work best for us so that I don't always have to be the bad guy and make him leave early. Sometimes he'll catch some flack for me not showing up places, but it's usually from people I don't want to hang out with anyways so I don't really care what they think!
amen this is our situation we just ride together cause he drinks so that makes me the DD. and I just don't fit in with the girls is the main reason I don't like goin and he knows this im very country but clean up well and can look like the preppy girls but when you talk to these girls their all total air heads literally. I just have nothing in common with city slickers |
|
| |
|
 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | hoofs_in_motion - 2014-07-09 4:25 PM ditch him.....He has no respect for you......so tell him to take a hike
Ditto 
Find someone that likes to do what you like too. |
|
| |
|
A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | He sounds really self centered.  |
|
| |
|
 Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | How old is he? If he works all week and wants to party all weekend then thats just who he is at this stage in his life.. if its not who you are (which is good) then maybe your prioritys arent the same and you need a break from him.. and he from you.. communication is huge.. but if hes immature.. you cant ask him to change or him you.. it is what it is.. if he doesnt want to meet halfway then he chose his friends..
Edited by Bibliafarm 2014-07-09 4:47 PM
|
|
| |
|
Extreme Veteran
Posts: 507
Location: Lost in the corn of Iowa. | Bibliafarm - 2014-07-09 4:45 PM How old is he?
I'd say he's about 6 yrs old if he's pouting because she doesn't wanna go somewhere.  |
|
| |
|
 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 331
Location: Loma Linda, CA | jw1990 - 2014-07-09 4:23 PM
we did talk his response was "we don't see them every weekend" and he stayed home with me pouted like a kid wouldn't talk to me and said ok im goin and left to hang with his friends or wants me to rotate all my plans around just so we can make his work
Not to be rude, but is this guy like 18?
Or even just under 25? Lol.
This guy has ZERO respect for you! Like zero! Maybe even -100 respect points.
I'm 24, my guy is 29. When we lived where all our friends and family was we rarely actually hang out together. Maybe initially and I mean sometimes, but he's into dungeons and dragons kinda stuff and I'm into horses. I'd play his board games with him sometimes with his friends, but he went to some barrel races. But I didn't throw a fit if he wanted to spend time with his friends nor did he throw a fit if I wanted to barrel race or go spend time with mine.
Sometimes our plans would mesh together and we'd hang out with each others friends, most of the time not. We are together yet separate and independent.
Now we work opposite schedules (he works days, I work nights) so we treasure our time together, but we still do our separate things (he hangs out with his new colleagues & Im out meeting people and forming my own group of friends and yes we have made plans to do stuff with each of our new groups)
IMO, this is how it should be.
I dated a guy just like your boyfriend. He would whine and complain if I left to go be with my friends, start fights, whatever. (this guy was actually 25-28 when we dated, I don't think his maturity levels rose once he hit 18). I'd be left feeling like a jerk, like I owed him something. It's not worth it.
Ditch your boyfriend? No I wouldn't say this is a reason to break up or anything.
But definitely be honest and let him know what is happening! Sometimes it just takes an eye opening and people don't always realize what they are doing. :) Just bring it up in a positive manner so he doesn't go on the defense. Don't start a fight. :)
Edit: To add in to this the party phase can be a phase. I like going out every now and then, but I don't go out every weekend! Neither does Kyle. If he goes out it's a true rarity. My ex liked to party though.
Edited by Phxbarrel 2014-07-09 4:56 PM
|
|
| |
|
Veteran
Posts: 135
Location: louisiana | Bibliafarm - 2014-07-09 4:45 PM
How old is he? If he works all week and wants to party all weekend then thats just who he is at this stage in his life.. if its not who you are (which is good) then maybe your prioritys arent the same and you need a break from him.. and he from you.. communication is huge.. but if hes immature.. you cant ask him to change or him you.. it is what it is.. if he doesnt want to meet halfway then he chose his friends..
he is 24, when we met we really didn't go out that much but his whole group of friends changed the ones he saw every weekend when we met he doesn't really see them any more. which hes tryin to meet half way but instead of telling them no he comes up with an excuse tells them im sick or something |
|
| |
|
Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | jw1990 - 2014-07-09 5:57 PM Bibliafarm - 2014-07-09 4:45 PM How old is he? If he works all week and wants to party all weekend then thats just who he is at this stage in his life.. if its not who you are (which is good) then maybe your prioritys arent the same and you need a break from him.. and he from you.. communication is huge.. but if hes immature.. you cant ask him to change or him you.. it is what it is.. if he doesnt want to meet halfway then he chose his friends.. he is 24, when we met we really didn't go out that much but his whole group of friends changed the ones he saw every weekend when we met he doesn't really see them any more. which hes tryin to meet half way but instead of telling them no he comes up with an excuse tells them im sick or something
Hes still young.. but must respect you dont want to go.. so dont go with him.. let him pout and ignore him.. do your own thing... |
|
| |
|
 Chasin my Dream
Posts: 13651
Location: Alberta | Southtxponygirl - 2014-07-09 3:33 PM He sounds really self centered.
As hard as it can be to see at times when one is blinded by "love" there are MEN out there who want to spend TIME with their ladies and want to make them happy & respect them! I've been in your shoes OP and if your holding onto the hope he will marry you...sorry but dream on...move on...you deserve better....
|
|
| |
|
Blessed 
Location: Here | dream_chaser - 2014-07-09 5:07 PM Southtxponygirl - 2014-07-09 3:33 PM He sounds really self centered.
As hard as it can be to see at times when one is blinded by "love" there are MEN out there who want to spend TIME with their ladies and want to make them happy & respect them! I've been in your shoes OP and if your holding onto the hope he will marry you...sorry but dream on...move on...you deserve better....
^^^^^^. THIS^^^^^ |
|
| |
|
Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | dream_chaser - 2014-07-09 5:07 PM
Southtxponygirl - 2014-07-09 3:33 PM He sounds really self centered. As hard as it can be to see at times when one is blinded by "love" there are MEN out there who want to spend TIME with their ladies and want to make them happy & respect them! I've been in your shoes OP and if your holding onto the hope he will marry you...sorry but dream on...move on...you deserve better....
agreed |
|
| |
|
Extreme Veteran
Posts: 331
Location: Loma Linda, CA | This song comes to mind. Cross out girl replace with guy :P
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORyUYE86Wag
Edited by Phxbarrel 2014-07-09 5:23 PM
|
|
| |
|
Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | SG. - 2014-07-09 5:10 PM dream_chaser - 2014-07-09 5:07 PM Southtxponygirl - 2014-07-09 3:33 PM He sounds really self centered.
As hard as it can be to see at times when one is blinded by "love" there are MEN out there who want to spend TIME with their ladies and want to make them happy & respect them! I've been in your shoes OP and if your holding onto the hope he will marry you...sorry but dream on...move on...you deserve better....
Agreed..........and if he is using YOU as an excuse to his "friends" because he isn't going out with them....he has no "balls" !!!! |
|
| |
|
Expert
Posts: 1280
Location: Texas | Boy vs Man. Ditch him, & find a grown up. |
|
| |
|
Extreme Veteran
Posts: 330
| jw1990 - 2014-07-09 5:23 PM
we did talk his response was "we don't see them every weekend" and he stayed home with me pouted like a kid wouldn't talk to me and said ok im goin and left to hang with his friends or wants me to rotate all my plans around just so we can make his work
You are dating a man-child, been there, have the t-shirt.
It isn't going to get better. You are going to get sick of it. So move along before you waste another day babysitting. |
|
| |
|
 Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | My favorite Iggy Azalea verse is, "I got 99 problems, but you won't be one."
Dude is immature. It won't get better. IT WON'T GET BETTER!!!! |
|
| |
|
Extreme Veteran
Posts: 330
| LRQHS - 2014-07-10 7:54 AM
My favorite Iggy Azalea verse is, "I got 99 problems, but you won't be one."
Dude is immature. It won't get better. IT WON'T GET BETTER!!!!
^^^ Just wanted to repeat the above! It's worth repeating! ^^^ |
|
| |
|
 I Chore in Chucks
Posts: 2882
Location: MD | then don't go together. just say hey, have your fun I don't want to go. It's not that much fun for me, I'll pick you up when you're ready to come home? That way you're not leaving him out to dry and drive drunk and you're caring.
and at 24 it's not a crazy idea that he wants to hang out with friends and drink and party. I'd still classify that as his youth party stage and he'll probably grow out of it eventually. Communication is key and you got to let him know how you're feeling before it spirals out of control and you start resenting him for it. If he's really in this relationship for you I would think he would want to make you happy too. Maybe do a thing like during the day you do something you want to do and at night do something he wants to do and save Sunday for a day just for you two? Or Saturday is his day to choose the activities, Sunday is your day to choose the activities... etc. Work something out WITH him. don't get him on the defense. |
|
| |
|
Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | ^^^^^ lol nooooooooo....
RUN, FOREST, RUN!!!! |
|
| |
|
 Angel in a Sorrel Coat
Posts: 16030
Location: In a happy place | LRQHS - 2014-07-10 6:54 AM My favorite Iggy Azalea verse is, "I got 99 problems, but you won't be one."
Dude is immature. It won't get better. IT WON'T GET BETTER!!!!
You say it so well LRQHS. |
|
| |
|
Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | Crowned Image - 2014-07-10 7:37 AM then don't go together. just say hey, have your fun I don't want to go. It's not that much fun for me, I'll pick you up when you're ready to come home? That way you're not leaving him out to dry and drive drunk and you're caring. and at 24 it's not a crazy idea that he wants to hang out with friends and drink and party. I'd still classify that as his youth party stage and he'll probably grow out of it eventually. Communication is key and you got to let him know how you're feeling before it spirals out of control and you start resenting him for it. If he's really in this relationship for you I would think he would want to make you happy too. Maybe do a thing like during the day you do something you want to do and at night do something he wants to do and save Sunday for a day just for you two? Or Saturday is his day to choose the activities, Sunday is your day to choose the activities... etc. Work something out WITH him. don't get him on the defense.
Bull pucky......yes, he "might" grow out of it (doubtful !!!!) ... Men who are self centered, pouty and don't respect their mate's feelings, rarely grow out of it.......Does she really want to WASTE those years when she could have a "man" who loves and respects her feelings!!!! |
|
| |
|
 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | You know...maybe it's because I'm now in a relationship that is A-Ma-Zing...but I see now that I spent my whole life trying to "make things work" that were doomed to fail. Trying to keep that square peg in a round hole when I shoulda just moved on. When someone truly loves you they want to be with you and make you happy....let you know you are a priority in their world not with words but with actions.
From what little we know from the OP's comments...it sounds as though you are more a homebody...or at least not a party girl...and you don't fit in with the bubble headed girls at the parties. Your boyfriend is more of a drinking party going extrovert who is insecure enough that he has to make excuses to his buddies and lie about why you aren't there. If you say you just want to spend time with him away from the party crowd he pouts and doesn't talk to you? Seriously?
You sound like you are at cross purposes and not a good match in lifestyle or personality at this stage of life. The trouble is you live together. He doesn't have to make any effort to see you. The milk is free so to speak. And I may be wrong but I bet you are the responsible house cleaning chore doing one in the relationship? He doesn't have to grow up or make an effort.
I'm not saying living together is wrong...far from it...I live with mine...but we are older and have the same lifestyle and are equal partners in all we do to run the house and care for the critters etc. But it doesn't seem like this guy is mature enough to be in a committed supportive partnership. You are his DD and not his number one priority. It's up to you to decide if that is enough for you. If not you can try to talk to him but he has to want to change or it will never happen and you are wasting your time. |
|
| |
|
I Chore in Chucks
Posts: 2882
Location: MD | NJJ - 2014-07-10 9:04 AM
Crowned Image - 2014-07-10 7:37 AM then don't go together. just say hey, have your fun I don't want to go. It's not that much fun for me, I'll pick you up when you're ready to come home? That way you're not leaving him out to dry and drive drunk and you're caring. and at 24 it's not a crazy idea that he wants to hang out with friends and drink and party. I'd still classify that as his youth party stage and he'll probably grow out of it eventually. Communication is key and you got to let him know how you're feeling before it spirals out of control and you start resenting him for it. If he's really in this relationship for you I would think he would want to make you happy too. Maybe do a thing like during the day you do something you want to do and at night do something he wants to do and save Sunday for a day just for you two? Or Saturday is his day to choose the activities, Sunday is your day to choose the activities... etc. Work something out WITH him. don't get him on the defense.
Bull pucky......yes, he "might" grow out of it (doubtful !!!!) ... Men who are self centered, pouty and don't respect their mate's feelings, rarely grow out of it.......Does she really want to WASTE those years when she could have a "man" who loves and respects her feelings!!!!
everyone changes over their lifetime. I'm sure at some point in EVERYONE'S lives we were all self centered and pouted over the wind not blowing the right way. And most of us fix, edit, and evolve our behaviors over time. some take longer than others.
OP please don't put all men into a category that if they were once or are currently pouty and self centered that they will never be there for you. You're with him for a reason, work on your relationship with him. |
|
| |
|
Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | I'd find someone with interests that more closely mirror yours, or learn to be more independent on the weekends as a couple
Honestly, he sounds really immature. In my younger days I might have had the patience to deal with that, but now... yeah, i'd kick him to the curb.
I am married now, and I could not be married to a guy like that.
People can change, but only if they want to do so.... doesn't sound like he's there yet or even in the vicinity. |
|
| |
|
 Sweet Tea
Posts: 3496
Location: Home of the World Famous "Silver Bullet" | movin' on down the road !! |
|
| |
|
 Ms. Manners
Posts: 1820
Location: Oklahoma | There is only so long a person can "work" on a relationship, especially when that person is the only one putting forth any effort. Move out and move on, and focus on improving our own self and life. If he is meant to be, he will come back. Work on yourself, and worry less about having a man around. It will come in time and you will be far better prepared. |
|
| |
|
 Whack and Roll
Posts: 6342
Location: NE Texas | dream_chaser - 2014-07-09 5:07 PM Southtxponygirl - 2014-07-09 3:33 PM He sounds really self centered.
As hard as it can be to see at times when one is blinded by "love" there are MEN out there who want to spend TIME with their ladies and want to make them happy & respect them! I've been in your shoes OP and if your holding onto the hope he will marry you...sorry but dream on...move on...you deserve better....
And don't believe anyone that tells you he will grow out of it. I was married for 9 years to a man like this. When we met and married (way too young) he was working a full time job and going to college. He took care of business and we were both young, so yes, there was some social partying at the college rodeos at what not. When I graduated I moved to the state he lived in and literally we moved 6 times becuase of what HE wanted to do. With every move he seemed to be less interested in me and more interested in his "boys" and would stay out drinking, roping, etc. I would stay home and do my own thing. It progressively got worse, he rodeod and lived his dream while I sold my horses rodeo when we were strapped for cash. It finally got to the point where I sold my trailer to upgrade and he asked me for the money and told me I could get something to "get me by" and then I found out he was bragging to his friends how i'd given him the money and he was going to pay off his truck/trailer, and then came home at 5 AM drunker than a skunk, when the rodeo he'd been to was less than 10 miles from the house and the bar closes at 1. That was it. I asked him for the check i'd written him and ripped it up into a thousand tiny pieces. Less than 60 days later I pulled into the driveway and he had everything he owned (and part of what I owned) packed in his trailer and he left. I say good riddance! And let me say this.....we didn't have a bad relationship. We never argued, we never fought, he just took me and my generosity for granted and it burned me in the end.
Walk now, dont look back. He will not grow up and he will not change. If he's already pouting because you don't want to go party and drink, it will only get worse. You are not his priority and respect is earned, not given.
|
|
| |
|
Veteran
Posts: 135
Location: louisiana | thankyou all for the input, its been goin on for about 4 months now all his friends just got single so they are wanting to live it up an cant manage with out him there unfortunately, he has once told them no they showed up at my house to pick him up since he lives with me. they all have great high payin jobs but still have the frat boy mentality on partying all the time |
|
| |
|
 Expert
Posts: 4121
Location: SE Louisiana | He's just not that into you......and it sounds like he's getting too much of a good thing.
Ditch him. |
|
| |
|
 Expert
Posts: 1857
| you do you and let him do him.... if you guys end up in different places than you know its time to move on. if you don't want to go, then don't go, I wouldn't feel bad about it. Do what makes you happy, if he doesn't want to be a part of it then that'll tell you all you need to know! |
|
| |
|
Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas |  |
|
| |
|
Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
Location: Somewhere in the middle of nowhere | FlyingJT - 2014-07-10 12:13 PM you do you and let him do him.... if you guys end up in different places than you know its time to move on. if you don't want to go, then don't go, I wouldn't feel bad about it. Do what makes you happy, if he doesn't want to be a part of it then that'll tell you all you need to know!
OP, have you ever thought long and hard how many times you actually do what makes you happy and he is with you? |
|
| |
|
Extreme Veteran
Posts: 330
| jw1990 - 2014-07-10 1:59 PM
thankyou all for the input, its been goin on for about 4 months now all his friends just got single so they are wanting to live it up an cant manage with out him there unfortunately, he has once told them no they showed up at my house to pick him up since he lives with me. they all have great high payin jobs but still have the frat boy mentality on partying all the time
So he's hanging out partying with a bunch of single guys?
Not just "no!" but "hell NO!"
Send him packing. |
|
| |
|
Veteran
Posts: 135
Location: louisiana | SuckerForHorses - 2014-07-10 2:49 PM
jw1990 - 2014-07-10 1:59 PM
thankyou all for the input, its been goin on for about 4 months now all his friends just got single so they are wanting to live it up an cant manage with out him there unfortunately, he has once told them no they showed up at my house to pick him up since he lives with me. they all have great high payin jobs but still have the frat boy mentality on partying all the time
So he's hanging out partying with a bunch of single guys?
Not just "no!" but "hell NO!"
Send him packing.
yes wanting to every single weekend, im totally not against guy time at all im for it but not Thursday-sunday and always wantin me to find someone to watch my dog and feed my horses so I can go party with them, I will do that maybe once a month but I don't like pawning my animals off on ppl every weekend just cuz its summer time and they wanna take lil trips to go sit on the beach and party |
|
| |
|
Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | jw1990 - 2014-07-10 2:53 PM SuckerForHorses - 2014-07-10 2:49 PM jw1990 - 2014-07-10 1:59 PM thankyou all for the input, its been goin on for about 4 months now all his friends just got single so they are wanting to live it up an cant manage with out him there unfortunately, he has once told them no they showed up at my house to pick him up since he lives with me. they all have great high payin jobs but still have the frat boy mentality on partying all the time So he's hanging out partying with a bunch of single guys? Not just "no!" but "hell NO!" Send him packing. yes wanting to every single weekend, im totally not against guy time at all im for it but not Thursday-sunday and always wantin me to find someone to watch my dog and feed my horses so I can go party with them, I will do that maybe once a month but I don't like pawning my animals off on ppl every weekend just cuz its summer time and they wanna take lil trips to go sit on the beach and party
Well then let me tell you what to do.......pull up your big girl panties and make a stand for yourself. If you don't want to go....you tell him. If he gets upset, let him pout. Honestly, if he were my boyfriend, I would have slapped him upside his head...told him to grow up...then walked out. Sorry but my animals matter more to me than a guy who has no respect for me.
Just my 2 cents. |
|
| |
|
Extreme Veteran
Posts: 330
| I wouldn't have an issue with guy time either.
It's his behavior towards you and your relationship that I would have an issue with, combined with the fact that he's getting trashed almost every night of the week with SINGLE guys.
Sounds like a real piece of work, and based on his behavior towards you, I wouldn't trust him out drinking with his single buddies. |
|
| |
|
Extreme Veteran
Posts: 330
| hoofs_in_motion - 2014-07-10 3:55 PM jw1990 - 2014-07-10 2:53 PM SuckerForHorses - 2014-07-10 2:49 PM jw1990 - 2014-07-10 1:59 PM thankyou all for the input, its been goin on for about 4 months now all his friends just got single so they are wanting to live it up an cant manage with out him there unfortunately, he has once told them no they showed up at my house to pick him up since he lives with me. they all have great high payin jobs but still have the frat boy mentality on partying all the time So he's hanging out partying with a bunch of single guys? Not just "no!" but "hell NO!" Send him packing. yes wanting to every single weekend, im totally not against guy time at all im for it but not Thursday-sunday and always wantin me to find someone to watch my dog and feed my horses so I can go party with them, I will do that maybe once a month but I don't like pawning my animals off on ppl every weekend just cuz its summer time and they wanna take lil trips to go sit on the beach and party
Just my 2 cents.
Here, here! |
|
| |
|
Extreme Veteran
Posts: 330
| He's 24, but how old are you?
I ask because this sounds very familiar to me and how it was with my first real long term boyfriend. |
|
| |
|
Veteran
Posts: 135
Location: louisiana | SuckerForHorses - 2014-07-10 3:00 PM
He's 24, but how old are you?
I ask because this sounds very familiar to me and how it was with my first real long term boyfriend.
I am also 24 just 6 months younger than him |
|
| |
|
Expert
Posts: 1857
| jw1990 - 2014-07-10 3:18 PM
SuckerForHorses - 2014-07-10 3:00 PM
He's 24, but how old are you?
I ask because this sounds very familiar to me and how it was with my first real long term boyfriend.
I am also 24 just 6 months younger than him
Oh honey! you got plenty of time to find the right one, don't waste your younger years being unhappy and filled with drama. You should be out there doing what you love every weekend, not wasting it feeling guilty or stuck with people you don't like! If he don't like, tell him to pack his stuff and go live with his buddies that he thinks he needs soooo bad. If he cares about you, he'll try coming back. My husband and I dated for 6 months and then split for 2 years because he wasn't ready to grow up. it was obviously meant to be because 2 years later we ran into each other and were married 2 years later, been together over 10 years now with 2 kids. Don't waste your youth on someone not ready to care for anyone but themselves. |
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | Six months younger and more mature in many ways it seems. But I think the key thing I'm getting here is that you are selling yourself short. He is not apparently mature enough to be in a live in relationship. He wants to live the single party guy lifestyle...not the happily committed grown up life.
He lives in your house...and then disrespects you in it. Does he pull his weight in terms of finances for daily life? (housing costs/bills/etc?) Does he do his share of the work to maintian the place (tough to do when he parties Thurs-Sunday I'm guessing) If the answer to those questions is No...I just don't think there's much in it for you with this relationship in it's current state. Things would have to change if I were in your shoes.
I love to have fun. We do a lot of really fun stuff together and occasionally that's going to a party at a frien's place. But that NEVER interferes with the care of the animals that depend on us...and it's only a very small part of our time together. Any man that would want you to pawn off your responsibilities for the animals so often and not see them as his responsibility too is NOT a partner. He is a boy playing house when it suits him. |
|
| |
|
Veteran
Posts: 135
Location: louisiana | TrailGirl - 2014-07-10 3:36 PM
Six months younger and more mature in many ways it seems. But I think the key thing I'm getting here is that you are selling yourself short. He is not apparently mature enough to be in a live in relationship. He wants to live the single party guy lifestyle...not the happily committed grown up life.
He lives in your house...and then disrespects you in it. Does he pull his weight in terms of finances for daily life? (housing costs/bills/etc?) Does he do his share of the work to maintian the place (tough to do when he parties Thurs-Sunday I'm guessing) If the answer to those questions is No...I just don't think there's much in it for you with this relationship in it's current state. Things would have to change if I were in your shoes.
I love to have fun. We do a lot of really fun stuff together and occasionally that's going to a party at a frien's place. But that NEVER interferes with the care of the animals that depend on us...and it's only a very small part of our time together. Any man that would want you to pawn off your responsibilities for the animals so often and not see them as his responsibility too is NOT a partner. He is a boy playing house when it suits him.
he does pay his share of the bills also gets up in the morning to feed all the animals since he is more of morning person than me, and we used to be able to go do fun things together, when his friends where in a relationship we would go over hang for a little bit then head home knowing I ha animals and stuff to tend to why he thnks its changed just cause he lives with me now ill never know. he used to live an hour away so when he was in on the weekends he just wanted to see me, and I guess now that he sees me every day he wants to spend time with his buddies idk |
|
| |
|
 Elite Veteran
Posts: 602
| jw1990 - 2014-07-09 2:13 PM
Nothing to with horses but, the boyfriend wants to spend every weekend with his friends (brings me along cuz he wants to) but im getting tired of seeing them every weekend their main goal is just to drink and party, which is totally not me im not into the drinkin games and partyin all night every weekend. We do live together everything else is great between and he finds nothing wrong with spendin every weekend and get aways with them....so now I feel like the bad person when I say I don't wanna go see them or he gets mad when im ready to go home
Let him go hang out with his friends by himself. If he is a good boyfriend, He will want to start hanging out with you more. |
|
| |
|
Expert
Posts: 1857
| jw1990 - 2014-07-10 3:43 PM
TrailGirl - 2014-07-10 3:36 PM
Six months younger and more mature in many ways it seems. But I think the key thing I'm getting here is that you are selling yourself short. He is not apparently mature enough to be in a live in relationship. He wants to live the single party guy lifestyle...not the happily committed grown up life.
He lives in your house...and then disrespects you in it. Does he pull his weight in terms of finances for daily life? (housing costs/bills/etc?) Does he do his share of the work to maintian the place (tough to do when he parties Thurs-Sunday I'm guessing) If the answer to those questions is No...I just don't think there's much in it for you with this relationship in it's current state. Things would have to change if I were in your shoes.
I love to have fun. We do a lot of really fun stuff together and occasionally that's going to a party at a frien's place. But that NEVER interferes with the care of the animals that depend on us...and it's only a very small part of our time together. Any man that would want you to pawn off your responsibilities for the animals so often and not see them as his responsibility too is NOT a partner. He is a boy playing house when it suits him.
he does pay his share of the bills also gets up in the morning to feed all the animals since he is more of morning person than me, and we used to be able to go do fun things together, when his friends where in a relationship we would go over hang for a little bit then head home knowing I ha animals and stuff to tend to why he thnks its changed just cause he lives with me now ill never know. he used to live an hour away so when he was in on the weekends he just wanted to see me, and I guess now that he sees me every day he wants to spend time with his buddies idk
how long has it been going on? |
|
| |
|
Veteran
Posts: 135
Location: louisiana | FlyingJT - 2014-07-10 3:45 PM
jw1990 - 2014-07-10 3:43 PM
TrailGirl - 2014-07-10 3:36 PM
Six months younger and more mature in many ways it seems. But I think the key thing I'm getting here is that you are selling yourself short. He is not apparently mature enough to be in a live in relationship. He wants to live the single party guy lifestyle...not the happily committed grown up life.
He lives in your house...and then disrespects you in it. Does he pull his weight in terms of finances for daily life? (housing costs/bills/etc?) Does he do his share of the work to maintian the place (tough to do when he parties Thurs-Sunday I'm guessing) If the answer to those questions is No...I just don't think there's much in it for you with this relationship in it's current state. Things would have to change if I were in your shoes.
I love to have fun. We do a lot of really fun stuff together and occasionally that's going to a party at a frien's place. But that NEVER interferes with the care of the animals that depend on us...and it's only a very small part of our time together. Any man that would want you to pawn off your responsibilities for the animals so often and not see them as his responsibility too is NOT a partner. He is a boy playing house when it suits him.
he does pay his share of the bills also gets up in the morning to feed all the animals since he is more of morning person than me, and we used to be able to go do fun things together, when his friends where in a relationship we would go over hang for a little bit then head home knowing I ha animals and stuff to tend to why he thnks its changed just cause he lives with me now ill never know. he used to live an hour away so when he was in on the weekends he just wanted to see me, and I guess now that he sees me every day he wants to spend time with his buddies idk
how long has it been going on?
about 4 months now only been living with me for about 2 months
Edited by jw1990 2014-07-10 3:47 PM
|
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | Well that's all really good to know...that he does contribute.
I think he has just started taking you for granted some since you now live together and he figures he gets to see you "all the time". How long have you been living together?
Edit because I see your answer now of 2 months.
You know there is always an adjustment to living together. I'd say it's time for some discussion with him. Get on the same page. We teach people how to treat us. He was doing this for 2 months BEFORE he moved in...hmmm
Edited by TrailGirl 2014-07-10 3:51 PM
|
|
| |
|
 That's White "Man" to You
Posts: 5515
| Does he have and is he able to maintain employment? |
|
| |
|
Veteran
Posts: 135
Location: louisiana | TrailGirl - 2014-07-10 3:49 PM
Well that's all really good to know...that he does contribute.
I think he has just started taking you for granted some since you now live together and he figures he gets to see you "all the time". How long have you been living together?
we have been together for over a year |
|
| |
|
Veteran
Posts: 135
Location: louisiana | Whiteboy - 2014-07-10 3:49 PM
Does he have and is he able to maintain employment?
yes he has a very good well payin job, its an hour and a half away from where he lives so he is looking for once closer to home now, I mean hes not at all POS just this partyin stage is getting very tiresome |
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 1079
| professional bachelors.... that's what this group will become. Might very well last into their 30s. Guys who love to party and pull decent incomes at good jobs. These types make fun friends but terrible boyfriends. I'd say move on. |
|
| |
|
Veteran
Posts: 135
Location: louisiana | star1218 - 2014-07-10 3:53 PM
professional bachelors.... that's what this group will become. Might very well last into their 30s. Guys who love to party and pull decent incomes at good jobs. These types make fun friends but terrible boyfriends. I'd say move on.
that is the perfect name for it!! there is about 5 of them and 3 of them are room mates in big huge house wanting my bf to live there also but he opted out and wanted to live with me instead |
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | If you want to stick with it and try to make it better...you will have to talk with him. See where there can be compromise. If he just goes off alone with his single buddies every weekend...that would be a deal breaker for me this early in a relationship. But is he will compromise and be more even in doing things as a couple some of those weekends/weekend days...maybe go from there.
He was doing this for 2 months before you had him move in...so he likely figured that would be how things would stay. Now it may seem to him that you are changing the rules...when all along you never wanted to be doing it. Communicate your needs. If he won't meet in the middle...I know it is harsh to say...but I'd not waste more time |
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | jw1990 - 2014-07-10 3:55 PM star1218 - 2014-07-10 3:53 PM professional bachelors.... that's what this group will become. Might very well last into their 30s. Guys who love to party and pull decent incomes at good jobs. These types make fun friends but terrible boyfriends. I'd say move on. that is the perfect name for it!! there is about 5 of them and 3 of them are room mates in big huge house wanting my bf to live there also but he opted out and wanted to live with me instead
Yeah?...maybe because living with you has more over all benefits for him. But what is in it for you? That's what you have to decide. |
|
| |
|
That's White "Man" to You
Posts: 5515
| jw1990 - 2014-07-10 3:52 PM Whiteboy - 2014-07-10 3:49 PM Does he have and is he able to maintain employment? yes he has a very good well payin job, its an hour and a half away from where he lives so he is looking for once closer to home now, I mean hes not at all POS just this partyin stage is getting very tiresome
I say let him get it out of his system. Make sure he is picking them or you, if you go with him, he will do it forever. Eventually he will feel the need to be a responsible SO. If that doesn't happen, get rid of him. How old is he? |
|
| |
|
Veteran
Posts: 135
Location: louisiana | TrailGirl - 2014-07-10 3:56 PM
If you want to stick with it and try to make it better...you will have to talk with him. See where there can be compromise. If he just goes off alone with his single buddies every weekend...that would be a deal breaker for me this early in a relationship. But is he will compromise and be more even in doing things as a couple some of those weekends/weekend days...maybe go from there.
He was doing this for 2 months before you had him move in...so he likely figured that would be how things would stay. Now it may seem to him that you are changing the rules...when all along you never wanted to be doing it. Communicate your needs. If he won't meet in the middle...I know it is harsh to say...but I'd not waste more time
thankyou for the advice! he wants to do it all as a couple but ive told him just wore out on parting every weekend I need to see my friends to, so we tried to work a deal go with his friends on Friday an mine on Saturday or vise versa hopefully it will work out |
|
| |
|
Veteran
Posts: 135
Location: louisiana | Whiteboy - 2014-07-10 3:57 PM
jw1990 - 2014-07-10 3:52 PM Whiteboy - 2014-07-10 3:49 PM Does he have and is he able to maintain employment? yes he has a very good well payin job, its an hour and a half away from where he lives so he is looking for once closer to home now, I mean hes not at all POS just this partyin stage is getting very tiresome
24 |
|
| |
|
Expert
Posts: 1857
| jw1990 - 2014-07-10 3:55 PM
star1218 - 2014-07-10 3:53 PM
professional bachelors.... that's what this group will become. Might very well last into their 30s. Guys who love to party and pull decent incomes at good jobs. These types make fun friends but terrible boyfriends. I'd say move on.
that is the perfect name for it!! there is about 5 of them and 3 of them are room mates in big huge house wanting my bf to live there also but he opted out and wanted to live with me instead
well there's one good sign!! He's just doing the typical man thing...(at least that's what I call it). They get comfortable in the relationship, quit trying as hard to get in your pants, think that since they see you all week they need to be with there friends all weekend, don't understand why it's a big deal, you should just come too, pout when they don't get they're way, oh it goes on and on... I still have to remind my husband that he's not a teenager and he needs to snap back to reality! |
|
| |
|
Veteran
Posts: 135
Location: louisiana | FlyingJT - 2014-07-10 4:00 PM
jw1990 - 2014-07-10 3:55 PM
star1218 - 2014-07-10 3:53 PM
professional bachelors.... that's what this group will become. Might very well last into their 30s. Guys who love to party and pull decent incomes at good jobs. These types make fun friends but terrible boyfriends. I'd say move on.
that is the perfect name for it!! there is about 5 of them and 3 of them are room mates in big huge house wanting my bf to live there also but he opted out and wanted to live with me instead
well there's one good sign!! He's just doing the typical man thing... (at least that's what I call it ). They get comfortable in the relationship, quit trying as hard to get in your pants, think that since they see you all week they need to be with there friends all weekend, don't understand why it's a big deal, you should just come too, pout when they don't get they're way, oh it goes on and on... I still have to remind my husband that he's not a teenager and he needs to snap back to reality!
you have explained it to the T!! |
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 1079
| jw1990 - 2014-07-10 3:55 PM star1218 - 2014-07-10 3:53 PM professional bachelors.... that's what this group will become. Might very well last into their 30s. Guys who love to party and pull decent incomes at good jobs. These types make fun friends but terrible boyfriends. I'd say move on. that is the perfect name for it!! there is about 5 of them and 3 of them are room mates in big huge house wanting my bf to live there also but he opted out and wanted to live with me instead
hmm I wonder why?
These types of guys are beyond irritating, can be the coolest guys in the world but they are giant man-children with money! That's why I say fun as friends NOT FUN as significant others. and you say he's 24 - well count on potentially 6+ more years before he MIGHT MIGHT MIGHT slow down. That's if any of his friends decide to slow down. |
|
| |
|
That's White "Man" to You
Posts: 5515
| jw1990 - 2014-07-10 3:59 PM Whiteboy - 2014-07-10 3:57 PM jw1990 - 2014-07-10 3:52 PM Whiteboy - 2014-07-10 3:49 PM Does he have and is he able to maintain employment? yes he has a very good well payin job, its an hour and a half away from where he lives so he is looking for once closer to home now, I mean hes not at all POS just this partyin stage is getting very tiresome 24
Give him until he is 25. If he cant figure life out by then, he is an anchor and draggin you with him. |
|
| |
|
 Party Girl
Posts: 12293
Location: Buffalo, Wyoming | star1218 - 2014-07-10 2:53 PM professional bachelors.... that's what this group will become. Might very well last into their 30s. Guys who love to party and pull decent incomes at good jobs. These types make fun friends but terrible boyfriends. I'd say move on.
You just explained my boyfriend to a T 10 year ago. We met when he was 35 and still kind of in that stage. He is now 40 and is totally out of it, has been for about 3 years now.
I hate to say it, if he took mine that long it will probably take this guys just as long. If I would have met mine when he was in his late 20's early 30's I would not have stuck around. |
|
| |
|
Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | This is very fitting.....and no I'm not hijacking the thread
 |
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 1079
| UTAHCANCHASER - 2014-07-10 4:13 PM star1218 - 2014-07-10 2:53 PM professional bachelors.... that's what this group will become. Might very well last into their 30s. Guys who love to party and pull decent incomes at good jobs. These types make fun friends but terrible boyfriends. I'd say move on. You just explained my boyfriend to a T 10 year ago. We met when he was 35 and still kind of in that stage. He is now 40 and is totally out of it, has been for about 3 years now.
I hate to say it, if he took mine that long it will probably take this guys just as long. If I would have met mine when he was in his late 20's early 30's I would not have stuck around.
yep I fully understand these guys. My husband is 32 next month and a large majority (not all - some are married with kids) of his friends will probably never get married. They hunt/fish/drink beer. They all own their own homes and have fantastic jobs. lots to offer a wife/family but they are set in their ways. Professional bachelors.
|
|
| |
|
Expert
Posts: 1857
| jw1990 - 2014-07-10 4:02 PM
FlyingJT - 2014-07-10 4:00 PM
jw1990 - 2014-07-10 3:55 PM
star1218 - 2014-07-10 3:53 PM
professional bachelors.... that's what this group will become. Might very well last into their 30s. Guys who love to party and pull decent incomes at good jobs. These types make fun friends but terrible boyfriends. I'd say move on.
that is the perfect name for it!! there is about 5 of them and 3 of them are room mates in big huge house wanting my bf to live there also but he opted out and wanted to live with me instead
well there's one good sign!! He's just doing the typical man thing... (at least that's what I call it ). They get comfortable in the relationship, quit trying as hard to get in your pants, think that since they see you all week they need to be with there friends all weekend, don't understand why it's a big deal, you should just come too, pout when they don't get they're way, oh it goes on and on... I still have to remind my husband that he's not a teenager and he needs to snap back to reality!
you have explained it to the T!!
well it will get better. I am always "b*tch'en" (what my husband likes to call it) to my friends that he's like a darn dog and a squirrel! He'll run a long pretty good and then SQUIRREL!!, sharp right into f'up land. One time he decided that he could be like the "young" boys and crawled his butt on this Banshee(type of 4-wheeler) and managed to run it into a telephone pole! Road rash his entire back, knocked himself out, and tore that stupid 4-wheeler up....all because he had to "hang" with the boys! one example of a "squirrel" incident. I laugh now but he was lucky I didn't send him to God that night I was so mad! He puts up with my bad points I guess I need to put up with his. Hang in there, he sounds like he's a pretty good guy for the most part, just still has some growing up to do. |
|
| |
|
Veteran
Posts: 149
Location: Along the Caney River | I have read the entire post. Ditch him!! I know people say he MIGHT change. We my Dad is 67 years old and is exactly the same way, never changed. My mother lived with him for 3 years. He partied every night and still continues to do it. He has went through so many relationships I have lost count. Do NOT waste your time on him.
If it is meant to be he will come to his senses and beg you back. Most likely it is not. You have to much to offer to stay in a relationship like this. What was said previously about respect.... LISTEN! HE does not respect you.
I was married before to a person who was good in the beginning but took a job where the guys partied a lot after work. He started hanging out with them and parting. Got to the point that he was late late coming home from work. I had enough. I dressed up, went to where they were, told him wanted my house key. His party buddy got in my face, didnt get the key. BUT when he came home he couldn't get in the house. He slept in his truck. I told him if he liked his buddies so much ... SLEEP with them and kicked him to the curb. WE divorced! WAsted to much time on him!
I am now in a great relationship with a wonderful man for the past 18 years! Good men who are not child like are out there. Remember you have to tell them exactly what you want and expect. MEN DO NOT GET HINTS!!!
|
|
| |
|
Veteran
Posts: 135
Location: louisiana | FlyingJT - 2014-07-10 4:15 PM
jw1990 - 2014-07-10 4:02 PM
FlyingJT - 2014-07-10 4:00 PM
jw1990 - 2014-07-10 3:55 PM
star1218 - 2014-07-10 3:53 PM
professional bachelors.... that's what this group will become. Might very well last into their 30s. Guys who love to party and pull decent incomes at good jobs. These types make fun friends but terrible boyfriends. I'd say move on.
that is the perfect name for it!! there is about 5 of them and 3 of them are room mates in big huge house wanting my bf to live there also but he opted out and wanted to live with me instead
well there's one good sign!! He's just doing the typical man thing... (at least that's what I call it ). They get comfortable in the relationship, quit trying as hard to get in your pants, think that since they see you all week they need to be with there friends all weekend, don't understand why it's a big deal, you should just come too, pout when they don't get they're way, oh it goes on and on... I still have to remind my husband that he's not a teenager and he needs to snap back to reality!
you have explained it to the T!!
well it will get better. I am always "b*tch'en" (what my husband likes to call it ) to my friends that he's like a darn dog and a squirrel! He'll run a long pretty good and then SQUIRREL!!, sharp right into f'up land. One time he decided that he could be like the "young" boys and crawled his butt on this Banshee (type of 4-wheeler ) and managed to run it into a telephone pole! Road rash his entire back, knocked himself out, and tore that stupid 4-wheeler up....all because he had to "hang" with the boys! one example of a "squirrel" incident. I laugh now but he was lucky I didn't send him to God that night I was so mad! He puts up with my bad points I guess I need to put up with his. Hang in there, he sounds like he's a pretty good guy for the most part, just still has some growing up to do.
hahaha that just made me laugh and like im sure Ihave flaws he deals with to and this is his only one I have found so far, he has had squirrel moment him self thinkin it would be ok to hang with guys at the casino which was all find and dandy..... until he didn't come home til 6:30 the next morning hung over from crown and couldn't make his MRI appointment.....and then had to deal with a mad gf to lets just say he hasn't done that one again |
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 1079
| you might have flaws, but partying 4 nights a week is not justifiable.
sorry - this post has me all kinds of riled up. :) |
|
| |
|
Expert
Posts: 1857
| star1218 - 2014-07-10 4:23 PM
you might have flaws, but partying 4 nights a week is not justifiable.
sorry - this post has me all kinds of riled up. :)
Yeah you are right about that.... |
|
| |
|
Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | FlyingJT - 2014-07-10 4:26 PM star1218 - 2014-07-10 4:23 PM you might have flaws, but partying 4 nights a week is not justifiable.
sorry - this post has me all kinds of riled up. :) Yeah you are right about that....
Agreed.........Actually, threads like this make me shake my head and feel very sorry for some of these young ladies………WHY….WHY……WHY……would a person “allow” another to treat her with disrespect…….if he wants four nights a week to party….let him have all seven! And as much as I hate to say it….if he is already living with you, he has NO incentive to make the relationship work…… |
|
| |
|
A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | NJJ - 2014-07-10 5:00 PM FlyingJT - 2014-07-10 4:26 PM star1218 - 2014-07-10 4:23 PM you might have flaws, but partying 4 nights a week is not justifiable.
sorry - this post has me all kinds of riled up. :) Yeah you are right about that....
And all that parting has got to be really expensive now adays.
To me if y'all are living together you guys should be a couple no matter what, you should be first in his life, the parting and his single friends should be last on his list of making people happy. |
|
| |
|
 Thread Killer
Posts: 7545
| star1218 - 2014-07-10 5:15 PM UTAHCANCHASER - 2014-07-10 4:13 PM star1218 - 2014-07-10 2:53 PM professional bachelors.... that's what this group will become. Might very well last into their 30s. Guys who love to party and pull decent incomes at good jobs. These types make fun friends but terrible boyfriends. I'd say move on. You just explained my boyfriend to a T 10 year ago. We met when he was 35 and still kind of in that stage. He is now 40 and is totally out of it, has been for about 3 years now.
I hate to say it, if he took mine that long it will probably take this guys just as long. If I would have met mine when he was in his late 20's early 30's I would not have stuck around.
I've been reading these posts and mostly agreeing with everything...but this one...Huh? Some people don't want to get married and/or have a family, and never leave that "stage". I know, "crazy", right? (sarcasm) How sad (also sarcasm).
I guess I just find it odd that we congratulate a woman who is independent with her own house, hobbies, friends - and best of all - no man needed or desired. Then we do a 180 - a man in a similar position is immature or wasting his "worth" as a husband and father.
Just thinking out loud....
OP, I think you need to have a good talk with bf. It sounds like you are, indeed, on two different wavelengths and him a bit immature. If your priorities are too different, cut him loose. There's no need to waste time with this guy.
Edited by Just Plain Lucky 2014-07-10 6:33 PM
|
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 1079
| Just Plain Lucky - 2014-07-10 6:31 PM
star1218 - 2014-07-10 5:15 PM UTAHCANCHASER - 2014-07-10 4:13 PM star1218 - 2014-07-10 2:53 PM professional bachelors.... that's what this group will become. Might very well last into their 30s. Guys who love to party and pull decent incomes at good jobs. These types make fun friends but terrible boyfriends. I'd say move on. You just explained my boyfriend to a T 10 year ago. We met when he was 35 and still kind of in that stage. He is now 40 and is totally out of it, has been for about 3 years now.
I hate to say it, if he took mine that long it will probably take this guys just as long. If I would have met mine when he was in his late 20's early 30's I would not have stuck around.
I guess I just find it odd that we congratulate a woman who is independent with her own house, hobbies, friends - and best of all - no man needed or desired. Then we do a 180 - a man in a similar position is immature or wasting his "worth" as a husband and father.
Just thinking out loud....
OP, I think you need to have a good talk with bf. It sounds like you are, indeed, on two different wavelengths and him a bit immature. If your priorities are too different, cut him loose. There's no need to waste time with this guy.
I only mean some guys have priorities that will never include a gf. That's totally fine unless like the OP - u are currently trying to date one! Try and talk to him OP but if he can't have a mature conversation about your feelings I'd seriously consider moving on. |
|
| |
|
Thread Killer
Posts: 7545
| star1218 - 2014-07-10 10:10 PM Just Plain Lucky - 2014-07-10 6:31 PM star1218 - 2014-07-10 5:15 PM UTAHCANCHASER - 2014-07-10 4:13 PM star1218 - 2014-07-10 2:53 PM professional bachelors.... that's what this group will become. Might very well last into their 30s. Guys who love to party and pull decent incomes at good jobs. These types make fun friends but terrible boyfriends. I'd say move on. You just explained my boyfriend to a T 10 year ago. We met when he was 35 and still kind of in that stage. He is now 40 and is totally out of it, has been for about 3 years now.
I hate to say it, if he took mine that long it will probably take this guys just as long. If I would have met mine when he was in his late 20's early 30's I would not have stuck around.
I guess I just find it odd that we congratulate a woman who is independent with her own house, hobbies, friends - and best of all - no man needed or desired. Then we do a 180 - a man in a similar position is immature or wasting his "worth" as a husband and father.
Just thinking out loud....
OP, I think you need to have a good talk with bf. It sounds like you are, indeed, on two different wavelengths and him a bit immature. If your priorities are too different, cut him loose. There's no need to waste time with this guy.
I only mean some guys have priorities that will never include a gf. That's totally fine unless like the OP - u are currently trying to date one! Try and talk to him OP but if he can't have a mature conversation about your feelings I'd seriously consider moving on.
Oh, ok, sorry for the misunderstanding. I hope you don't think I was jumping down your throat, but I see the attitude I described a lot and...well I'm tired of it. LOL
Anyway, I agree with you. |
|
| |
|
 Ima Fickle Fan
Posts: 3547
Location: Texas | I have read the entire thread and decided to give you my two cents. Take it for exactly as it is -- cheap advice. So you can take it or leave it.
Your boyfriend finds it more entertaining and prefers to hang out and act like his single buddies. Then he gets to come home and shack up with you. Kudos to him. He has the best of both worlds. If a man prefers to drinking and playing like a single guy, he's not a man yet and doesn't value the relationship he's in. IMO - he is NOT committed to you.
You on the other hand, have settled for what he is willing to give you and are putting up with behavior that is not conducive to a healthy or long-term relationship. I have never understood why women put up with a pig for a little bit of sausage. I've done it too and want to slap my younger self.
Let me give you a little insight that no one ever says: Men get a heck of a lot more out of a committed relationship than women. Not to say women don't get anything, but our society tells women we are not worth as much without a man. In turn, we are willing to put up with crappy behavior so we are not alone. That is BS!
If I could go back in time, I would not have dated the scumbags I did for the length of time I let them stick around. Your boyfriend does just enough to help you out that you are willing to let his inappropriate Thursday-Sunday night behavior slide. WHY?? This is an every weekend thing. It's not a once a month, let me hang with the boys thing.
Long story short: He is not committed to you. He's sticking around for the goods and gets to play the single life on the weekends. And by inviting you, he gets out of feeling guilty. Not only that, if you don't go, he can make you out to be the bad guy because "You didn't want to go drink with the boys." Well, no sh#t buddy. Most women don't like to sit around watching their SO drink like a fish and act like an idiot.
There is a huge difference in maturity in the two of you. He either needs to grow up or get out. And honey, he's not growing up any time soon. |
|
| |
|
Veteran
Posts: 135
Location: louisiana | we have finally talked last night, his thing is we aren't 30 we have no kids, so why not go have fun since he has the means to do so now and can afford it,cuz he doesn't just wanna sit at home during the summer he said, its about to be football season so hes gunna be gone tailgating then winter time when it gets cold an that time of the year is for sitting around. I told him I all I hear in that is you you you and your plans nothing about me ang my plans to do things so we shall see how it goes from here |
|
| |
|
Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | " You on the other hand, have settled for what he is willing to give you and are putting up with behavior that is not conducive to a healthy or long-term relationship. I have never understood why women put up with a pig for a little bit of sausage. I've done it too and want to slap my younger self."
This ^^^^^^ 1000 times This!! I too want to slap my younger self for selling myself short and putting up with being treated like crap. Those days are gone.
OP I'm glad you had a talk with him. But as the wise and clever person I quoted above said....He is in the cat bird seat. He has been partying like a single guy and then coming home to a nice home and a "sure thing" when it suits him.
Maybe make a plan to offer for this weekend. A weekend together doing activities you both enjoy. Hiking, riding, fishing, whatever...maybe one night with the party friends out of the weekend?. Plan this as a date weekend. Let him choose...have the date weekend to have fun and re-connect...or...he can go party with the boys. If he chooses the boys don't get emotional (at least don't show it)...just calmly tell him that he should just stay over at the guys place...while he is gone you will help by having his things packed. No way in heck there should be any question about where his priorities lie.
Fun at a young age shouldn't always equate to drinking and foolishness. That's so one dimentional. There are so many other ways to have fun. He is missing out. |
|
| |
|
Veteran
Posts: 135
Location: louisiana | TrailGirl - 2014-07-11 10:46 AM
" You on the other hand, have settled for what he is willing to give you and are putting up with behavior that is not conducive to a healthy or long-term relationship. I have never understood why women put up with a pig for a little bit of sausage. I've done it too and want to slap my younger self."
This ^^^^^^ 1000 times This!! I too want to slap my younger self for selling myself short and putting up with being treated like crap. Those days are gone.
OP I'm glad you had a talk with him. But as the wise and clever person I quoted above said....He is in the cat bird seat. He has been partying like a single guy and then coming home to a nice home and a "sure thing" when it suits him.
Maybe make a plan to offer for this weekend. A weekend together doing activities you both enjoy. Hiking, riding, fishing, whatever...maybe one night with the party friends out of the weekend?. Plan this as a date weekend. Let him choose...have the date weekend to have fun and re-connect...or...he can go party with the boys. If he chooses the boys don't get emotional (at least don't show it)...just calmly tell him that he should just stay over at the guys place...while he is gone you will help by having his things packed. No way in heck there should be any question about where his priorities lie.
Fun at a young age shouldn't always equate to drinking and foolishness. That's so one dimentional. There are so many other ways to have fun. He is missing out.
we worked out a thing he knew I wanted to go to a rodeo Friday, but his buddies and their gfs are wanting to take a weekend trip get away so we comprised he will come to my rodeo and then we can go meet them the next day once I get everything taken care of around the house and then we will come home that night. instead of stayin the whole weekend like they wanted him to do
Edited by jw1990 2014-07-11 10:53 AM
|
|
| |
|
Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | jw1990 - 2014-07-11 11:52 AM TrailGirl - 2014-07-11 10:46 AM " You on the other hand, have settled for what he is willing to give you and are putting up with behavior that is not conducive to a healthy or long-term relationship. I have never understood why women put up with a pig for a little bit of sausage. I've done it too and want to slap my younger self."
This ^^^^^^ 1000 times This!! I too want to slap my younger self for selling myself short and putting up with being treated like crap. Those days are gone.
OP I'm glad you had a talk with him. But as the wise and clever person I quoted above said....He is in the cat bird seat. He has been partying like a single guy and then coming home to a nice home and a "sure thing" when it suits him.
Maybe make a plan to offer for this weekend. A weekend together doing activities you both enjoy. Hiking, riding, fishing, whatever...maybe one night with the party friends out of the weekend?. Plan this as a date weekend. Let him choose...have the date weekend to have fun and re-connect...or...he can go party with the boys. If he chooses the boys don't get emotional (at least don't show it)...just calmly tell him that he should just stay over at the guys place...while he is gone you will help by having his things packed. No way in heck there should be any question about where his priorities lie.
Fun at a young age shouldn't always equate to drinking and foolishness. That's so one dimentional. There are so many other ways to have fun. He is missing out. we worked out a thing he knew I wanted to go to a rodeo Friday, but his buddies and their gfs are wanting to take a weekend trip get away so we comprised he will come to my rodeo and then we can go meet them the next day once I get everything taken care of around the house and then we will come home that night. instead of stayin the whole weekend like they wanted him to do  keep communicating.. it may work out.. so many are quick to say end it.. no one is in the relationship but you and him.. we dont know everything about you two.. I dont feel anyone can tell you what to do.. they can offer opinions and their own storys though.. its up to you to take it or leave it..but I think strongly that communication is the key and respect .. hes young.. no excuse but truth.. hopefully he will grow out of this crap if he knows you are thinking about leaving..
Edited by Bibliafarm 2014-07-11 8:11 PM
|
|
| |
|
 Expert
Posts: 1367
Location: mi | jw1990 - 2014-07-11 11:35 AM we have finally talked last night, his thing is we aren't 30 we have no kids, so why not go have fun since he has the means to do so now and can afford it,cuz he doesn't just wanna sit at home during the summer he said, its about to be football season so hes gunna be gone tailgating then winter time when it gets cold an that time of the year is for sitting around. I told him I all I hear in that is you you you and your plans nothing about me ang my plans to do things so we shall see how it goes from here
He is right to a point. You guys are young and if you can afford it going and doing and having fun now is ok. But both of you need to be on the same page on that. And you might be growing out of that stage a bit sooner then him. there is nothing wrong with that. I am WAY more of a home body then my husband. But I have no problem with him going and having fun with his buddies and he has no problem with me heading out to a horse show with out him. He used to go out and get drunk with his buddies and I would go get him later or I would go along and just not drink. He did grow out of that. So they do grow up I wouldn't call it changing per say but he did change as we all do over the course of our life. We have had some knock down drag out arguements but have survived 25 years. So only you know if he is worth dealing with. Nobody is perfect so be sure to add in his good points when getting frustrated with his bad. And keep talking that is the best thing you can really do. |
|
| |
HELPPPPP!