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Location: Never in one place long | Three months ago my husband took a new position within his current place of employment... before he decided to take this job we talked about it and I told him if it meant more stress, more hrs etc etc. the extra money wasn't worth it to me and I'd rather him not take it...... he ASSURED me it wouldn't which I was hesitant to believe but he wanted to take it so agreed. Well... the last three months have been hell!! He's been leaving for work about 45 minutes early, getting home 1-2 hrs later than normal and doesn't even have time to answer my call or text on his lunch break... he even bring his work home with him and has been doing way less than usual around the house meaning I have to pick up the slack.. not to mention he is always snappy and grumpy and doesn't seem to care about my feelings at all.
I'm not sure what to do... I've tried talking to him about it and saying that this was NOT what we had agreed on and we get no where, he just snaps at me and walks away, I try talking to him at night, he apparently could care less and sees NOTHING wrong because he just falls asleep. He has never once apologized or even tried to empathize with how I feel. I'm so mad and not sure what to do... we had our problems before this but now I totally resent him and find it very hard to even try to be positive or nice to him...... I need advice for those of you that have gone through similar situations as I am definitely not making any progress and find my self wanting to be away from him as much as possible. | |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Ohhh no I'm sorry that you are going threw this, I have no advice for you but just wanted to give you a big ole hug...
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Expert
Posts: 1543
Location: MI | Me too  Marriage is so hard sometimes. | |
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Rad Dork
Posts: 5218
Location: Oklahoma | I wish I could tell you a sure fire way on how to make it easier, but I can't. My husband has a ridiculously demanding job and I get put in a similar situation as yours (too busy to call/text during the day, crazy hours, being tired and sometimes cranky) and it's hard to deal with. We don't have chores that each other does... I do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, bill paying, etc. and he works his tail off ensuring that we have jobs (family business and it rests on his shoulders right now). We don't get to vacation together because he simply can't be away for longer than a few days out of the year... And he needs those days to go elk hunting and find his own release from the stress. We've certainly had some rough times where things aren't pretty and it's not the life that I ever wanted, but I know that some day when we're older and things can settle down we can relax and enjoy life together a bit more. The hardest thing for me to do sometimes is swallow my pride and keep my negative mouth shut. Men don't reason the same way women do and harping on them has never gotten me anywhere. If you think you need to get away for a few hours instead of starting a fight and saying words you can't take back , then by all means do it.
my best advise (and probably not agreeable on by all) would be to put your hurt feelings to the side and pour on the charm for a night. One small gesture can sometimes open up lots of kindness and you both can slowly build from there. The respond much better to "other" means of communication if you catch my drift...
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  Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | Try being married to an active duty soldier once :)Have you once stopped to consider how he feels? How overwhelmed he may be? He may be trying but some jobs are purely exhausting and then he comes home to an unhappy wife. Maybe he's feeling a little under appreciated and such.....just saying..... | |
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Expert
Posts: 1432
Location: Never in one place long | missroselee - 2014-07-12 7:21 PM
Try being married to an active duty soldier once :)Have you once stopped to consider how he feels? How overwhelmed he may be? He may be trying but some jobs are purely exhausting and then he comes home to an unhappy wife. Maybe he's feeling a little under appreciated and such.....just saying.....
I'm sure he is feeling underappreciated and that is my fault due to my resentment at him not caring how much time he spends with me and putting his job before his family it seems. He actually is in the Military as a reservist so we've been through deployments, long trips, training and he travels quite often for a month at a time with this job so I now the feeling! We're used to spending time apart as that has always been the way things are, it's how he is when he comes home and that he is very unempathetic to me and I am to him as well. :( I'm trying to be NICE lol. | |
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| Marriage is not easy. Men put a lot of pressure on themselves to make a good living, just because it's not important to you doesn't mean it's not very important to him. Plus, men have a need to be respected in their jobs and at home It doesn't sound like you give him a very happy home to come home to.
My husband was out of town a lot during the earlier years of our marriage and now he works very long hours...it's not always been easy for either of us but I respect a man that works hard...so many don't, you know. Just from reading your post, I felt sorry for him, for you too, but more for him.
Edited by runs4fun 2014-07-12 7:45 PM
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Location: Centerville, TN | I'm so sorry for all that you and your husband is going through. I've been going through some tough times myself. Family issues, finances, my husband works for the Dept of Correction. A very dangerous and stressful job. He keeps a lot from me but by doing that it makes me feel like I'm one of his prisoners, in fact I have been a prisoners, I was arrested for getting into a fight with my mother cause I never could do anything to please her. My brother on the other hand is the golden child and everything that comes out of his mouth she believes. He's the one that called the police on me when my mother was the one that attacked me...... I was molested as a child by a family member. My parents never ask what happened or that they loved me. never said they were sorry this had happened to me. And the family member still comes around and my parents welcome him into their home like nothing happened. Now I have Post Dramatic Syndrome, I'm on medication, spent eight days in a mental hospital. My husband doesn't want to talk to me about all that is going on. I go to court Monday to see what happens to me... Coming from someone that is there, you can't keep it all inside. It will eat you alive. Trust me I know.... I pray that things don't get as bad for you as they are for me.... Pray, Pray hard to find peace. Peace with your husband and with yourself. God Bless !!!!!! | |
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Expert
Posts: 1432
Location: Never in one place long | runs4fun - 2014-07-12 7:43 PM
Marriage is not easy. Men put a lot of pressure on themselves to make a good living, just because it's not important to you doesn't mean it's not very important to him. Plus, men have a need to be respected in their jobs and at home It doesn't sound like you give him a very happy home to come home to.
My husband was out of town a lot during the earlier years of our marriage and now he works very long hours...it's not always been easy for either of us but I respect a man that works hard...so many don't, you know. Just from reading your post, I felt sorry for him, for you too, but more for him.
That is true and I'm lucky to have a guy that works hard but working isn't everything... I grew up on a dairy farm with a father who always put work first, he didn't care if he spent any time with us and if we did, we had to spent it with him at the farm, to this day he has no relationship with any of his kids or Grandkids..he still works everyday and doesn't care... so he's worked his life away for what? I'd rather have him then the money honestly but you're 100% right in saying men put a high emphasis on making a good living, especially in America but that isn't everything in this short life. It's hard to explain that to a hard working guy though! | |
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 Expert
Posts: 1718
Location: Southeast Louisiana | Try this... Tell him you know things aren't great, but you want to do whatever it takes to make it better. Start by letting him know you do appreciate everything he does. Then ask what you can do to help. Maybe even apologize and offer to try and make changes, especially if all of his statements are "just don't do this" or "stop doing this"
At first, he might be defensive and you might get answers like "nothing" or "I'm fine". Just let it go. Don't assume that, since you tried once, you've done your part. Be sincere. Try again the next day. He will eventually talk to you about it.
You're both resentful and one of you needs to steer out of the spin. It won't be easy or happen overnight.
After you show him some everyday support for a while, you can bring up your needs, if he doesn't start to reciprocate on his own. | |
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Posts: 1718
Location: Southeast Louisiana | Mimi barrel racer - 2014-07-12 8:21 PM
I'm so sorry for all that you and your husband is going through. I've been going through some tough times myself. Family issues, finances, my husband works for the Dept of Correction. A very dangerous and stressful job. He keeps a lot from me but by doing that it makes me feel like I'm one of his prisoners, in fact I have been a prisoners, I was arrested for getting into a fight with my mother cause I never could do anything to please her. My brother on the other hand is the golden child and everything that comes out of his mouth she believes. He's the one that called the police on me when my mother was the one that attacked me...... I was molested as a child by a family member. My parents never ask what happened or that they loved me. never said they were sorry this had happened to me. And the family member still comes around and my parents welcome him into their home like nothing happened. Now I have Post Dramatic Syndrome, I'm on medication, spent eight days in a mental hospital. My husband doesn't want to talk to me about all that is going on. I go to court Monday to see what happens to me... Coming from someone that is there, you can't keep it all inside. It will eat you alive. Trust me I know.... I pray that things don't get as bad for you as they are for me.... Pray, Pray hard to find peace. Peace with your husband and with yourself. God Bless !!!!!!
Oh my goodness! I just wanted to say I'm so sorry you're going through all of that. That is just terrible. | |
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 Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | DLV - 2014-07-12 8:23 PM
runs4fun - 2014-07-12 7:43 PM
Marriage is not easy. Men put a lot of pressure on themselves to make a good living, just because it's not important to you doesn't mean it's not very important to him. Plus, men have a need to be respected in their jobs and at home It doesn't sound like you give him a very happy home to come home to.
My husband was out of town a lot during the earlier years of our marriage and now he works very long hours...it's not always been easy for either of us but I respect a man that works hard...so many don't, you know. Just from reading your post, I felt sorry for him, for you too, but more for him.
That is true and I'm lucky to have a guy that works hard but working isn't everything... I grew up on a dairy farm with a father who always put work first, he didn't care if he spent any time with us and if we did, we had to spent it with him at the farm, to this day he has no relationship with any of his kids or Grandkids..he still works everyday and doesn't care... so he's worked his life away for what? I'd rather have him then the money honestly but you're 100% right in saying men put a high emphasis on making a good living, especially in America but that isn't everything in this short life. It's hard to explain that to a hard working guy though!
Daughter of a row crop farmer for whom family time has never been a priority, so I know exactly of what you speak. I'm not sure why my parents are still married. | |
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 BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25352
Location: Bastrop, Texas | OK, from a man's perspective, I'm just going to go ahead and be blunt here.
First of all, I'd love to hear his side of the story. This, to me, sounds like a hard working man simply trying to get ahead. If what you are saying is accurate, he's been working his ass off, and maybe he is having trouble adjusting to the new position and new responsibilities. The guy took a chance and is trying to advance......if he ends up being successful, you just might wind up as a beneficiary of his hard work, and maybe, just maybe you will wind up realizing that one of these days. I'll tell you one thing....you could do a heck of a lot worse. Sure, talk it over, but I would try hard to suck it up and roll with it as best you can. Chances are, if his position is as bad as it seems now, he will take it upon himself to make a change. I'm curious....are you working outside the home as well? | |
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 Underestimated Underdog
Posts: 3971
Location: Minnesota | This sounds exactly like mine and my husband's situation except in my case, I am the one who took the promotion. I work 20-30 more hours a week than my husband. I work 6 days a week and I'm on call. I did this to help my husband and I get ahead. I'm exhausted physically and emtionally. I get home and I barely have energy to get to the barn. My husband is stressed because I let the laundry go a few days longer and let the dirty dishes sit longer but thinking in the long run, this will be best for us. Things are tough now but I did this to gain more in the future. Give him a break. After I explained all this to my husband he somewhat got it. Its an adjustment and takes time. Good luck. | |
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 More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | Maybe you should be happy he works for a living. There's a hell of a lot of dead beats around, yours wants to work. | |
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BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25352
Location: Bastrop, Texas | CYA Ranch - 2014-07-13 12:03 AM
Maybe you should be happy he works for a living. There's a hell of a lot of dead beats around, yours wants to work.
Exactly, Val. | |
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 Horsey Gene Carrier
Posts: 1888
Location: LaBelle, Florida | Give it some time, and like the others say, try to help him out.
I know when I took on additional responsibilties at my job it took several months for me to get in the swing of things. And yes, I was exhausted and worked additional hours to get my work done.
Now that I know and am practised at it, the only time I end up staying longer than I planned is 'in season' and everyone (at work) is busting a hump.
Remember, men in general, think different than women. They tend to be doers, not talkers. Let him know that you appreciate what he is doing and give him time to adjust to the new job. | |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | HotbearLVR - 2014-07-13 12:07 AM CYA Ranch - 2014-07-13 12:03 AM Maybe you should be happy he works for a living. There's a hell of a lot of dead beats around, yours wants to work. Exactly, Val.
Agree... Be thankful that he cares enough to work hard and get the job done. He may have thought that the job would not be this involved when he made those promises to you. And realistically, he can't just tell his boss, "I have to go home because this isn't what my wife and I agreed to."
I can understand being sad or lonely- my husband works a lot of hours owning his own business. Honestly though, I don't understand the anger and resentment. He's doing his best to provide. Hard-working people are few and far between in this world- appreciate that you have someone who cares enough about you to work until they are literally at the point of exhaustion.
Try to see things from his perspective. Marriage is give and take, and often it feels like you are giving more than taking. I'd cut him some slack during what is likely an extremely stressful time in his life instead of adding to the stress when he gets home from work. (JMHO) | |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| My husband works long hours, he has an incredible work ethic. Yes, it was hard, he was gone by 5 in the morning and would not get home til after 6 or 7 and I was home with 4 kids. We were dead broke back then and I appreciated how hard he was willing to work for our family. That said I missed him, I never complained about the long work hours, we didn't have a pot to piss in, but I can still remember a huge fight we had when his sister wanted to take him fishing for the day. Hubby had been working for 3 months straight, going in a few hours every Saturday and Sunday, the kids were 4,3,18 months and 3 months. I blew a gasket and said you take off a day to spend with us and then you can go fishing. His sister got really mad at me which is a whole other story and why he was trying to keep the peace with her. He was a hands on dad when he was home, when the kids got older he never missed a soccer game, rodeo, etc. He still works those hours, makes huge $$ now (and if I am being honest, I like the big bucks and am glad he does what it takes to make that kind of money). He is gone to work when I wake up so there are evening jackpots, invites from friends that I don't go to all the time so I can be at home and spend time with him in the evenings, that is my choice of what I can do for him.
Edited too add, that after re reading your posts it sounds like your issue may be deeper than the long work hours but more along the lines that you feel like he does not care about your considerations and how this change is effecting you. I don't know what the answer is for you, as others have said, he is beat and focused on work and the new promotion. The question is how to get him focused on you??? IDK, it's probably the last thing you want to do but what would happen if you did some really nice things for him?? Play the part of the loving spouse and maybe you both will truly begin to feel that.
Edited by rodeomom3 2014-07-13 7:54 AM
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Expert
Posts: 1543
Location: MI | I’ve been where you are on almost all accounts, where I’ve tried to get my husband’s word or asked about the future, then been disappointed/felt resentment/hurt/etc when things weren’t as he said, for whatever reason.
Over time though I’ve found that I can’t get upset with my spouse for my reactions, as much as I want to and as much as it may be ‘justified’ per the situation. I know this isn’t a ‘popular’ view and it’s certainly not easy to carry out, but it is what it is.
I’m also learning to ask the questions, but not ask for my husband’s word, because as much as I want to be able to stick him with it, it’s not fair. He can’t control the future as much as I can’t. We just have to roll with it.
What I am responsible for is my attitude and what I give to the relationship. And honestly, in my relationship, my husband often listens more if I ‘fall on my sword’, so to speak. So…if my spouse has been grumpy/stressed/etc I might ask - genuinely, even though I might not feel that way, “Honey, it seems that you have been stressed lately. Is there anything I can do to help?” or “Honey, I hate to see you so upset and unhappy, is there anything you need?” If I still get a closed door, I give it some time and then return to it. It's not easy for time to go by in a stressful situation, but sometimes it needs to diffuse a little
Also, a lot of times when I’m feeling anger or resentment, I realize that it’s because I’m sad or hurt about the situation. I think it’s better to label it what it is, because anger and resentment isn’t good for communication, but sometimes sadness and hurt allow for vulnerability that opens up communication. "I realized that I'm not so much angry about you working more, I'm more sad that we aren't able to spend as much time together. Can we plan a date night/do xyz sometime soon?"
For what it’s worth, more ‘time’ isn’t time well spent unless the person spends it wisely. Hopefully, even though it’s less time at home, you guys can still spend quality time together. :)
Edited by Ridenrun4745 2014-07-13 10:01 AM
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 Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | Ridenrun4745 - 2014-07-13 9:59 AM I’ve been where you are on almost all accounts, where I’ve tried to get my husband’s word or asked about the future, then been disappointed/felt resentment/hurt/etc when things weren’t as he said, for whatever reason. Over time though I’ve found that I can’t get upset with my spouse for my reactions, as much as I want to and as much as it may be ‘justified’ per the situation. I know this isn’t a ‘popular’ view and it’s certainly not easy to carry out, but it is what it is. I’m also learning to ask the questions, but not ask for my husband’s word, because as much as I want to be able to stick him with it, it’s not fair. He can’t control the future as much as I can’t. We just have to roll with it. What I am responsible for is my attitude and what I give to the relationship. And honestly, in my relationship, my husband often listens more if I ‘fall on my sword’, so to speak. So…if my spouse has been grumpy/stressed/etc I might ask - genuinely, even though I might not feel that way, “Honey, it seems that you have been stressed lately. Is there anything I can do to help?” or “Honey, I hate to see you so upset and unhappy, is there anything you need?” If I still get a closed door, I give it some time and then return to it. It's not easy for time to go by in a stressful situation, but sometimes it needs to diffuse a little Also, a lot of times when I’m feeling anger or resentment, I realize that it’s because I’m sad or hurt about the situation. I think it’s better to label it what it is, because anger and resentment isn’t good for communication, but sometimes sadness and hurt allow for vulnerability that opens up communication. "I realized that I'm not so much angry about you working more, I'm more sad that we aren't able to spend as much time together. Can we plan a date night/do xyz sometime soon?" For what it’s worth, more ‘time’ isn’t time well spent unless the person spends it wisely. Hopefully, even though it’s less time at home, you guys can still spend quality time together. :)
Well said…….In the OP’s own words….they were having trouble before this…..I believe she is using this scenario as an excuse to be upset…..Knowing that he actually has no control over his work schedule and then to vilify him for his work ethic is somewhat selfish……..Threads like this boggle my mind and make me shake my head…..Every day, we read about the no-account, lazy, selfish bums of BFs and husbands on BHW. Thank your lucky stars that he “wants” to work and support your family….perhaps, give him a little slack….you just might catch more flies with honey than vinegar! | |
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 Dog Resuce Agent
Posts: 3459
Location: southeast Texas | Hopefully he won't get fed up with your b*tching and nagging and doesn't come home at all. There are too many gals out there that are willing to put up with a hard working man.
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More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | I have a husband that has always worked his arse off for our family. Since the day I married him in 1992 I've never worked more than a part time job and for the past 1 1/2 yrs I've had no job except to help him with his bookwork in the family business a few hours a week whenever it fits into my schedule. My days are spent riding, barrel racing and keeping our home and place up along with haying. I've seen very little of my hubby over the years in comparison with a lot of couples but I thank my lucky stars I have him, he busts his hump for us and he supports what I love to do. | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1001
Location: Kansas | maybe this will help you appreciate your husband a little more...
My husband left around 11:30 am yesterday and returned around 8 am this morning. However he was not working he was bar hopping with his buddies. After returning at 8 am this morning his partying was not over he continued to drink and blare loud music and cruise the roads on his rzr returning home every 10-15 mins still blaring the music. He has finally passed out about 20 minutes ago in his gross muddy clothes after tracking mud throughout the nice freshly cleaned house and will most likely sleep the rest of the day as usual and the house will smell like a brewery. He will be worthless workwise what little work he does for the next two days and by next weekend it all repeats.
I would give everything I had to have a husband that had the will to take on more work and put the time and sweat in to better his future instead of worrying about what he can spend money on next to look like a big shot, hanging out with friends and getting drunk. Also he is 37 and I am 31.
Maybe give the guy a little slack, make him a nice dinner and plan a date night or something. | |
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Expert
Posts: 1432
Location: Never in one place long | HotbearLVR - 2014-07-12 10:59 PM
OK, from a man's perspective, I'm just going to go ahead and be blunt here.
First of all, I'd love to hear his side of the story. This, to me, sounds like a hard working man simply trying to get ahead. If what you are saying is accurate, he's been working his ass off, and maybe he is having trouble adjusting to the new position and new responsibilities. The guy took a chance and is trying to advance......if he ends up being successful, you just might wind up as a beneficiary of his hard work, and maybe, just maybe you will wind up realizing that one of these days. I'll tell you one thing....you could do a heck of a lot worse. Sure, talk it over, but I would try hard to suck it up and roll with it as best you can. Chances are, if his position is as bad as it seems now, he will take it upon himself to make a change. I'm curious....are you working outside the home as well?
Thanks for this perspective, I am trying!!! Yes, I do work full time as well as several other unpaid volunteer jobs.... | |
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10D Crack Champion
| kscanchsnglaziergal - 2014-07-13 12:29 PMmaybe this will help you appreciate your husband a little more...My husband left around 11:30 am yesterday and returned around 8 am this morning. However he was not working he was bar hopping with his buddies. After returning at 8 am this morning his partying was not over he continued to drink and blare loud music and cruise the roads on his rzr returning home every 10-15 mins still blaring the music. He has finally passed out about 20 minutes ago in his gross muddy clothes after tracking mud throughout the nice freshly cleaned house and will most likely sleep the rest of the day as usual and the house will smell like a brewery. He will be worthless workwise what little work he does for the next two days and by next weekend it all repeats.I would give everything I had to have a husband that had the will to take on more work and put the time and sweat in to better his future instead of worrying about what he can spend money on next to look like a big shot, hanging out with friends and getting drunk. Also he is 37 and I am 31.Maybe give the guy a little slack, make him a nice dinner and plan a date night or something. Change the locks while he is gone, report him for driving under the influence and disturbing the peace. I can't believe on Sunday morning neighbors appreciate him blaring music up and down the roads. I hate it when people play loud music like that because it can be heard inside any home they pass. Even playing loud music in your own home or yard can disturb neighbors. That bump, bump sound of the music is so annoying and people playing their music don't realize how easily it is heard. Like living near a nightclub. Hope he doesn't hurt someone while driving drunk. You could call and report him anonymously. Maybe even get someone else to do it or use a public phone. You don't have to let him know it was you reporting if you don't want it known. It might end up being the best thing to ever happen to him.
Edited by sodapop 2014-07-13 1:02 PM
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Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | kscanchsnglaziergal - 2014-07-13 12:29 PM maybe this will help you appreciate your husband a little more... My husband left around 11:30 am yesterday and returned around 8 am this morning. However he was not working he was bar hopping with his buddies. After returning at 8 am this morning his partying was not over he continued to drink and blare loud music and cruise the roads on his rzr returning home every 10-15 mins still blaring the music. He has finally passed out about 20 minutes ago in his gross muddy clothes after tracking mud throughout the nice freshly cleaned house and will most likely sleep the rest of the day as usual and the house will smell like a brewery. He will be worthless workwise what little work he does for the next two days and by next weekend it all repeats. I would give everything I had to have a husband that had the will to take on more work and put the time and sweat in to better his future instead of worrying about what he can spend money on next to look like a big shot, hanging out with friends and getting drunk. Also he is 37 and I am 31. Maybe give the guy a little slack, make him a nice dinner and plan a date night or something.
WHY? Do you put up with this behavior? | |
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| For those with marital issues of any kind, and assuming that you love your spouse and want to keep them as your spouse, may I suggest the movie, "Fireproof". I think the original poster would benefit greatly from watching this movie. | |
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 A Barrel Of Monkeys
Posts: 12972
Location: Texas | NJJ - 2014-07-13 1:38 PM kscanchsnglaziergal - 2014-07-13 12:29 PM maybe this will help you appreciate your husband a little more... My husband left around 11:30 am yesterday and returned around 8 am this morning. However he was not working he was bar hopping with his buddies. After returning at 8 am this morning his partying was not over he continued to drink and blare loud music and cruise the roads on his rzr returning home every 10-15 mins still blaring the music. He has finally passed out about 20 minutes ago in his gross muddy clothes after tracking mud throughout the nice freshly cleaned house and will most likely sleep the rest of the day as usual and the house will smell like a brewery. He will be worthless workwise what little work he does for the next two days and by next weekend it all repeats. I would give everything I had to have a husband that had the will to take on more work and put the time and sweat in to better his future instead of worrying about what he can spend money on next to look like a big shot, hanging out with friends and getting drunk. Also he is 37 and I am 31. Maybe give the guy a little slack, make him a nice dinner and plan a date night or something. WHY? Do you put up with this behavior?
I hope this guy is rich, because that would be his only redeeming quality.  | |
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I'm a Cry Baby
Posts: 3781
Location: n.c. | Fun2Run - 2014-07-13 1:50 PM NJJ - 2014-07-13 1:38 PM kscanchsnglaziergal - 2014-07-13 12:29 PM maybe this will help you appreciate your husband a little more... My husband left around 11:30 am yesterday and returned around 8 am this morning. However he was not working he was bar hopping with his buddies. After returning at 8 am this morning his partying was not over he continued to drink and blare loud music and cruise the roads on his rzr returning home every 10-15 mins still blaring the music. He has finally passed out about 20 minutes ago in his gross muddy clothes after tracking mud throughout the nice freshly cleaned house and will most likely sleep the rest of the day as usual and the house will smell like a brewery. He will be worthless workwise what little work he does for the next two days and by next weekend it all repeats. I would give everything I had to have a husband that had the will to take on more work and put the time and sweat in to better his future instead of worrying about what he can spend money on next to look like a big shot, hanging out with friends and getting drunk. Also he is 37 and I am 31. Maybe give the guy a little slack, make him a nice dinner and plan a date night or something. WHY? Do you put up with this behavior?
Nope. Money wouldn't even help with this one. | |
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 Voice of Reason
Location: NOT at Wal Mart | I can relate, I worked outside the home for all of my marriage, I also took care of the children, house, vehicles, bills, animals and outside as in lawn and flower beds. I was the one who went to parent teacher conferences, Dr/dentist appointments and so on. I would have loved to get up go to work and come home to dinner but sadly that's not the way it is. We as women allow this to happen, men need to take a larger roll in parenting, house and so on. When a women works outside the home the chores should be shared. | |
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 Thread Killer
Posts: 7545
| sodapop - 2014-07-13 2:00 PM kscanchsnglaziergal - 2014-07-13 12:29 PMmaybe this will help you appreciate your husband a little more...My husband left around 11:30 am yesterday and returned around 8 am this morning. However he was not working he was bar hopping with his buddies. After returning at 8 am this morning his partying was not over he continued to drink and blare loud music and cruise the roads on his rzr returning home every 10-15 mins still blaring the music. He has finally passed out about 20 minutes ago in his gross muddy clothes after tracking mud throughout the nice freshly cleaned house and will most likely sleep the rest of the day as usual and the house will smell like a brewery. He will be worthless workwise what little work he does for the next two days and by next weekend it all repeats.I would give everything I had to have a husband that had the will to take on more work and put the time and sweat in to better his future instead of worrying about what he can spend money on next to look like a big shot, hanging out with friends and getting drunk. Also he is 37 and I am 31.Maybe give the guy a little slack, make him a nice dinner and plan a date night or something. Change the locks while he is gone, report him for driving under the influence and disturbing the peace. I can't believe on Sunday morning neighbors appreciate him blaring music up and down the roads. I hate it when people play loud music like that because it can be heard inside any home they pass. Even playing loud music in your own home or yard can disturb neighbors. That bump, bump sound of the music is so annoying and people playing their music don't realize how easily it is heard. Like living near a nightclub. Hope he doesn't hurt someone while driving drunk. You could call and report him anonymously. Maybe even get someone else to do it or use a public phone. You don't have to let him know it was you reporting if you don't want it known. It might end up being the best thing to ever happen to him.
Yes they do, they just don't care. | |
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Good Ole Boys just Fine with Me
Posts: 2869
Location: SE Missouri | Ctrygirl14 - 2014-07-12 11:18 PM This sounds exactly like mine and my husband's situation except in my case, I am the one who took the promotion. I work 20-30 more hours a week than my husband. I work 6 days a week and I'm on call. I did this to help my husband and I get ahead. I'm exhausted physically and emtionally. I get home and I barely have energy to get to the barn. My husband is stressed because I let the laundry go a few days longer and let the dirty dishes sit longer but thinking in the long run, this will be best for us. Things are tough now but I did this to gain more in the future. Give him a break. After I explained all this to my husband he somewhat got it. Its an adjustment and takes time. Good luck. This is more like our situation. My hubby work in TX for a year and I was crazy busy with work in another state.... He is now home and I just got a promotion that means more responsibility and time. I couldn't imagine not having his support or him not doing his part with other things. If he was b!$ching at me for not spending time at home, we would have serious issues when everyone pretty much knows that any promotion means more responsibility and more time (at first anyway)..
Too many dead beats out there that I'm sure would love to spend all day hanging out and not have a pot to piss in ever.. Please be thankful for someone that wants to provide.
Edited by abrooks 2014-07-13 3:32 PM
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | kscanchsnglaziergal - 2014-07-13 12:29 PM maybe this will help you appreciate your husband a little more... My husband left around 11:30 am yesterday and returned around 8 am this morning. However he was not working he was bar hopping with his buddies. After returning at 8 am this morning his partying was not over he continued to drink and blare loud music and cruise the roads on his rzr returning home every 10-15 mins still blaring the music. He has finally passed out about 20 minutes ago in his gross muddy clothes after tracking mud throughout the nice freshly cleaned house and will most likely sleep the rest of the day as usual and the house will smell like a brewery. He will be worthless workwise what little work he does for the next two days and by next weekend it all repeats. I would give everything I had to have a husband that had the will to take on more work and put the time and sweat in to better his future instead of worrying about what he can spend money on next to look like a big shot, hanging out with friends and getting drunk. Also he is 37 and I am 31. Maybe give the guy a little slack, make him a nice dinner and plan a date night or something.
Holy cow, why do you put up with his cra$?!!!! He sounds like a really stinky drunk, with your looks you sure could do better then this. | |
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Sideways Riding Expert
Posts: 11371
Location: ND--it snows, it floods, it snows, it floods | From previous posts you are not happy. Instead of dragging your husband down into YOUR unhappiness leave the marriage but DO NOT put all the blame on your husband. You own at least 50% of any issues your marriage has so do yourself a favor and find someone who will cater more to you and your wants and needs instead of trying to provide a living for your family. | |
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 pressure dripper
Posts: 8699
Location: the end of the rainbow | They are your feelings & you have a right to them. Your husbands actions obviously influence your feelings. But in the long run you need to remember that they are still your feelings. You are the one that decides whether you are happy or unhappy in your marriage. While he is responsible for his choices and actions your husband is not and can not be responsible for your feelings or your happiness - that is your job and your responsibility.
That said, if you are not happy then start changing things. But remember you cannot ever change another person. The changes you make are going to have to be your changes. How you react to things, your perspective on your life (how you view your husband, your home, your job and your happiness). Your behaviour towards your husband. Your communication with your husband. Those are changes that you can make.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you should settle for a relationship that makes you unhappy, I am saying you can't control what your husband puts into your relationship. But you can control how you look at the things he puts in to your relationship and how you react to them and you can control how that makes you feel.
Good luck & God bless. I hope you find the happiness that you so richly deserve.
Edited by willrodeo4food 2014-07-13 4:38 PM
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| DITTO the above;however, you should remember, the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence. Be prepared if you find out that the grass was pretty green in the pasture that you left. | |
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BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25352
Location: Bastrop, Texas | I guess I spoke up because, as a man, I get a little tired of some of the rip fests on husbands, especially one where the poor fella is working too hard and too long, especially one where the women usually own at least a couple horses, a decent trailer, and a pickup so they can "chase a dream", when the reality is the hobby is a significant financial drain most of the time. I would love to hear someone say, "I would love to have your problem". I guess someone already has shared their circumstances with a lazy drunken slob, but the man bashing gets old after a while, especially threads where people are so quick to suggest the woman should either give her husband an ultimatum or dump him.....because he's not always around to blow sunshine up his spoiled wife's ass, due to the fact he's working his ass off so she can pretend she's the next Sherry Cervi on weekends. I'm talking in general here......none of us knows the full story about the OP's marriage. For all we know, the guy is a horse's ass. I don't have that impression, though. | |
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| The above post made me wonder: When he is home, say on the weekends, are you home as well or off at a barrel race? I was the sounding board for a gal who was having some marital problems regarding the couple not ever having any quality time together but she was not wanting to give up any of her weekend barrel racing in order to spend time with him on the weekends when he was home...it's kind of hard to have it both ways. A little sacrifice on the part of both parties helps immensely. My recommendation to her was make Sunday an off-limits for barrel racing the majority of weekends...hers was home and it is the day of rest for those that don't have to work Sundays...it makes an amazing difference when couples/families actually take that day for a day of rest...and it sure doesn't hurt if a husband and wife also worship together. | |
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BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25352
Location: Bastrop, Texas | I vividly remember one individual here, a while back, talking about her very hard working husband, whose hard work has enabled them to own several nice vehicles, designer clothes and purses, horses, and a nice home. She credited her husband for that. Now she makes it sound like she's had to work outside the home, plus do all the things a stay-at-home mom would do, with no help from hubby....implying her husband only needs to worry about work. She's a martyr. I wonder which story is the real one....probably something in between, I'm guessing. | |
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 Hawty & Nawty
Posts: 20424
| I am saying this with respect, not ridicule. You have a man that is willing to work. You need to find happiness within yourself and not depend on him for it. Hugs. | |
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 Ditch the Stirrups
Posts: 5369
Location: Sorrow Not! Defending against workplace bullies | DLV I think what upsets you is that he is ignoring you, not that you do not appreciate your husband. It is no fun to feel like you have no say in a marriage.
If the tables were turned and you were the one who had taken a promotion against your husbands wishes and were writing for advice on how to deal with your husband feeling ignored...I wonder what the advice would be. I am pretty sure everyone would be telling you to scale back on work and pay more attention to your spouse. I doubt anyone would be saying your husband should suck it up and appreciate what he has.
It is possible to appreciate a hard working partner yet still want a decent balance in life between work and family. | |
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 Angel in a Sorrel Coat
Posts: 16030
Location: In a happy place | Everyone has been so nice on here. I cannot be which is unusual for me. I am going to say what I think some others would like to say but just haven't.
You need to be really ashamed of yourself! You just don't get it. You need to pray and thank God everyday for all the blessings you have to include a husband most women would take in a heartbeat. I guess I have seen some of the really bad things that come in a marriage through the years and wish I could do it over with someone like your husband. You probably need to move on in your life and find somebody that is not willing to work so hard and spend more time catering to you.
I apologize for my rant but I couldn't help myself. | |
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BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25352
Location: Bastrop, Texas | ninaom - 2014-07-13 6:40 PM
DLV I think what upsets you is that he is ignoring you, not that you do not appreciate your husband. It is no fun to feel like you have no say in a marriage.
If the tables were turned and you were the one who had taken a promotion against your husbands wishes and were writing for advice on how to deal with your husband feeling ignored...I wonder what the advice would be. I am pretty sure everyone would be telling you to scale back on work and pay more attention to your spouse. I doubt anyone would be saying your husband should suck it up and appreciate what he has.
It is possible to appreciate a hard working partner yet still want a decent balance in life between work and family.
Good point with your scenario. I have another scenario....maybe the hubby should just give up and take that lower paying, less time-consuming, less stressful job, in return for selling the horses and trailer, more weekends at home instead of jackpots, and rodeos. I bet that would lead to some real quality time. | |
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Ditch the Stirrups
Posts: 5369
Location: Sorrow Not! Defending against workplace bullies | HotbearLVR - 2014-07-13 7:13 PM
ninaom - 2014-07-13 6:40 PM
DLV I think what upsets you is that he is ignoring you, not that you do not appreciate your husband. It is no fun to feel like you have no say in a marriage.
If the tables were turned and you were the one who had taken a promotion against your husbands wishes and were writing for advice on how to deal with your husband feeling ignored...I wonder what the advice would be. I am pretty sure everyone would be telling you to scale back on work and pay more attention to your spouse. I doubt anyone would be saying your husband should suck it up and appreciate what he has.
It is possible to appreciate a hard working partner yet still want a decent balance in life between work and family.
Good point with your scenario. I have another scenario....maybe the hubby should just give up and take that lower paying, less time-consuming, less stressful job, in return for selling the horses and trailer, more weekends at home instead of jackpots, and rodeos. I bet that would lead to some real quality time.
why do you think the husband is paying for all that and not the wife? I wonder what the $ for the promotion is being spent on though...how do you know it isnt strip clubs? Or "boy toys"?
Honestly if I was in the same situation I would not mind at all.I think it is nice, really, that the wife is so interested in spending more time with her husband. | |
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BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25352
Location: Bastrop, Texas | ninaom - 2014-07-13 8:07 PM
HotbearLVR - 2014-07-13 7:13 PM
ninaom - 2014-07-13 6:40 PM
DLV I think what upsets you is that he is ignoring you, not that you do not appreciate your husband. It is no fun to feel like you have no say in a marriage.
If the tables were turned and you were the one who had taken a promotion against your husbands wishes and were writing for advice on how to deal with your husband feeling ignored...I wonder what the advice would be. I am pretty sure everyone would be telling you to scale back on work and pay more attention to your spouse. I doubt anyone would be saying your husband should suck it up and appreciate what he has.
It is possible to appreciate a hard working partner yet still want a decent balance in life between work and family.
Good point with your scenario. I have another scenario....maybe the hubby should just give up and take that lower paying, less time-consuming, less stressful job, in return for selling the horses and trailer, more weekends at home instead of jackpots, and rodeos. I bet that would lead to some real quality time.
why do you think the husband is paying for all that and not the wife? I wonder what the $ for the promotion is being spent on though...how do you know it isnt strip clubs? Or "boy toys"?
Honestly if I was in the same situation I would not mind at all.I think it is nice, really, that the wife is so interested in spending more time with her husband.
Pure conjecture....we don't know. It's easy to insinuate that kind of thing.
Maybe he has a drug problem? Maybe it's prostitutes? Maybe it's gambling? He is a man, after all, so many decide he's up to no good.
All I know is what the OP shared....a scenario where there's a marriage where there's already been stress and strife. A husband who decides to accept this position that is a promotion, requiring more work and stress, in return for the advancement and better pay. The guy hasn't been working long hours and has been showing signs of stress at home. My point of all of this is, as a man, from the outside looking in, on a forum frequented by 99% women, I'm a little tired of the husband-bashing, especially where I have a hard time commiserating, given the circumstances. I like what SHR ranch said....that a lot of women would give anything for a husband who is willing to work hard. I also find it refreshing to see that there are a lot of women willing to share stories about similar stories from earlier years in their marriage. What I see in those instances is a lot of gratitude and recognition that both the husband and wife suffered and sacrificed a great deal, but in the end, their marriage was strengthened because of it. | |
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More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | kscanchsnglaziergal - 2014-07-13 12:29 PM maybe this will help you appreciate your husband a little more... My husband left around 11:30 am yesterday and returned around 8 am this morning. However he was not working he was bar hopping with his buddies. After returning at 8 am this morning his partying was not over he continued to drink and blare loud music and cruise the roads on his rzr returning home every 10-15 mins still blaring the music. He has finally passed out about 20 minutes ago in his gross muddy clothes after tracking mud throughout the nice freshly cleaned house and will most likely sleep the rest of the day as usual and the house will smell like a brewery. He will be worthless workwise what little work he does for the next two days and by next weekend it all repeats. I would give everything I had to have a husband that had the will to take on more work and put the time and sweat in to better his future instead of worrying about what he can spend money on next to look like a big shot, hanging out with friends and getting drunk. Also he is 37 and I am 31. Maybe give the guy a little slack, make him a nice dinner and plan a date night or something.
You need hugs, prayers and the gumption to kick him to the curb. | |
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 Three in a Bikini
Posts: 2035
| sorrel horse ranch - 2014-07-13 4:46 PM
Everyone has been so nice on here. I cannot be which is unusual for me. I am going to say what I think some others would like to say but just haven't.
You need to be really ashamed of yourself! You just don't get it. You need to pray and thank God everyday for all the blessings you have to include a husband most women would take in a heartbeat. I guess I have seen some of the really bad things that come in a marriage through the years and wish I could do it over with someone like your husband. You probably need to move on in your life and find somebody that is not willing to work so hard and spend more time catering to you.
I apologize for my rant but I couldn't help myself.
Thank you SHR.
To the OP, new positions are hard and it sounds like your husband is giving it his all to make things better for everyone. You should be proud to have someone willing to go the extra mile in order to provide for your family.
Never be mad at your husband for working.
That is advice given to me by my mother, and now I am passing it along.
Hang in there!
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Voice of Reason
Location: NOT at Wal Mart | Sounds to me like a certain individual (I won't mention any names) just might be a member, if not CEO, of the he man women haters club. | |
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Ditch the Stirrups
Posts: 5369
Location: Sorrow Not! Defending against workplace bullies | I see a woman who wants to spend more time with her husband and when she asks for that, is ignored. Of course we don't know how the promotion $ are being spent; hopefully it is something that will benefit them both. Would any of you really want a husband who would spend all his time working and ignore you? I know I am as happy as i? have ever been right now with my newly retired husband. I could hassle him to work more but ?i like him home :) It seems like this is a communication and respect problem. It has nothing to do with man bashing. I think some may be personalizing this a bit too much... | |
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 Strong Willed Woman
Posts: 6577
Location: Prosser, WA | To me marriage is a partnership so hopefully he took your concerns seriously before taking a new job. I get what some are saying about be happy he is a hard worker. But there should be a happy medium in life as well. I've known of some super hard workers in life that only worked and never got to know their kids real well. I always kind of wondered what the point was. They could have worked just as hard as a single person and just gave some stranger the money to go to college. Same thing. LOL. I had a good friend that she lived in Oregon and her husband lived on the east coast somewhere. They saw each other 3 or 4 times a year. No kids. It worked for them but how many couples would that really work for? They both made good money though.There is no right or wrong answer but you both should figure out what your priorities are and see if they are compatible with each other. | |
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Expert
Posts: 2685
| WOW you people are rude. Pretty sure she asked what she would do to help change the situation not weather or not you want her husband because she doesn't deserve him or how horrible of a wife she is.
To the OP. Please skip a lot of these responses. I wish I could say I was surprised at what you got. I am sorry you are in this situation. It sounds like you want your happy together time back and stress from the new job has taken that away from him. I know it is hard to put a smile on your face when all you want to do is yell at him because he hurts your feelings. I have been there. Believe me. Honestly, I recommend finding out when he'll be off one evening and set up a date night of some sort where you don't leave the house but set something up out of the ordinary that is up his alley (dinner and beer outside just hanging out or fancy dressy dinner with the dining room all fancy) and get him home and enjoy and relax with him and sometime during the night after he has began to relax and enjoy tell him you want more nights like that and you miss having y'alls time. Don't gripe about the job because I think that might strike a cord. Make it about wanting to spend more time with him and relax and have fun again.
Best of luck. Sorry your thread went south. Some people just don't have very open minds. I do realize your not bashing him. | |
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Hawty & Nawty
Posts: 20424
| There should be more to life than being someone's husband/wife. What about what he wants? Maybe he desires to make a name for himself? Maybe this is the road to something bigger and better that will allow for more free time later?
I'd be snappy too if when I got home all I came home to was a pouty and whinny partner.
(I'm not bashing OP, I'm trying to help her see this in a different perspective.)
If he's burning the candle at both ends, it won't last long anyway.
I'm serious here, put a smile on your face and see how you can make this easier or one day all his hard work and money is going to go with him right out the door and not come back.
Food for thought. | |
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 Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | I say this with all sincerity, give that man a back massage when he comes home.
Hope it gets better for you soon, but if it doesn't, go buy another horse with his cash. | |
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Hawty & Nawty
Posts: 20424
| LRQHS - 2014-07-15 4:06 AM I say this with all sincerity, give that man a back massage when he comes home.
Hope it gets better for you soon, but if it doesn't, go buy another horse with his cash.
Dammit. HOT.COFFEE.EVERYWHERE. | |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | RidenFly - 2014-07-14 6:12 AM LRQHS - 2014-07-15 4:06 AM I say this with all sincerity, give that man a back massage when he comes home.
Hope it gets better for you soon, but if it doesn't, go buy another horse with his cash. Dammit. HOT.COFFEE.EVERYWHERE.
"Back massage" | |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | RidenFly - 2014-07-14 6:12 AM LRQHS - 2014-07-15 4:06 AM I say this with all sincerity, give that man a back massage when he comes home.
Hope it gets better for you soon, but if it doesn't, go buy another horse with his cash. Dammit. HOT.COFFEE.EVERYWHERE.
Sorry :) | |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | It may be the new position is more than he was told, or he may be adjusting to the workload.
Either way, it's important to try to shine it on when the other spouse is having a hard time. Try being nice. I bet he will be more understanding. | |
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Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | DLV - 2014-07-12 5:41 PM we had our problems before this but now I totally resent him and find it very hard to even try to be positive or nice to him...... I need advice for those of you that have gone through similar situations as I am definitely not making any progress and find my self wanting to be away from him as much as possible.
Sorry, folks but I think "some" of you have missed this vital part of her original post......IMO, this present scenario is just the "icing on the cake"...... her statements give me the impression that she doesn't REALLY "want" to fix this problem or get over being mad and resentful about it....... | |
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Expert
Posts: 1432
Location: Never in one place long | HotbearLVR - 2014-07-13 7:13 PM
ninaom - 2014-07-13 6:40 PM
DLV I think what upsets you is that he is ignoring you, not that you do not appreciate your husband. It is no fun to feel like you have no say in a marriage.
If the tables were turned and you were the one who had taken a promotion against your husbands wishes and were writing for advice on how to deal with your husband feeling ignored...I wonder what the advice would be. I am pretty sure everyone would be telling you to scale back on work and pay more attention to your spouse. I doubt anyone would be saying your husband should suck it up and appreciate what he has.
It is possible to appreciate a hard working partner yet still want a decent balance in life between work and family.
Good point with your scenario. I have another scenario....maybe the hubby should just give up and take that lower paying, less time-consuming, less stressful job, in return for selling the horses and trailer, more weekends at home instead of jackpots, and rodeos. I bet that would lead to some real quality time.
Funny you say that as I have actually sold my trailer, my horse and our truck just recently. I was sick of it being such a burden and wanted to have time to do other things and we wanted to pay off student loans which we did and not have a fair amount of money in the bank.... I have gone to about 5 shows in the past few months. We are remodeling our house and wanted to pay off loans so that was my sacrifice because he has also sacrified by not getting things he wants so I wanted it to be fair. I am not a spoiled person who does not appreciate my husband as you think. I have always worked very hard myself having a full time job since I was 13yrs old and all through college. I'd just rather have my husband then the extra money and I hate seeing him stressed. We'll get through it though I'm sure, just hard adjusting. I'm pretty low maintenance and do not require much money to survive. | |
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Thread Killer
Posts: 7545
| HotbearLVR - 2014-07-13 9:44 PM ninaom - 2014-07-13 8:07 PM HotbearLVR - 2014-07-13 7:13 PM ninaom - 2014-07-13 6:40 PM DLV I think what upsets you is that he is ignoring you, not that you do not appreciate your husband. It is no fun to feel like you have no say in a marriage. If the tables were turned and you were the one who had taken a promotion against your husbands wishes and were writing for advice on how to deal with your husband feeling ignored...I wonder what the advice would be. I am pretty sure everyone would be telling you to scale back on work and pay more attention to your spouse. I doubt anyone would be saying your husband should suck it up and appreciate what he has. It is possible to appreciate a hard working partner yet still want a decent balance in life between work and family. Good point with your scenario. I have another scenario....maybe the hubby should just give up and take that lower paying, less time-consuming, less stressful job, in return for selling the horses and trailer, more weekends at home instead of jackpots, and rodeos. I bet that would lead to some real quality time. why do you think the husband is paying for all that and not the wife? I wonder what the $ for the promotion is being spent on though...how do you know it isnt strip clubs? Or "boy toys"? Honestly if I was in the same situation I would not mind at all.I think it is nice, really, that the wife is so interested in spending more time with her husband. Pure conjecture....we don't know. It's easy to insinuate that kind of thing. Maybe he has a drug problem? Maybe it's prostitutes? Maybe it's gambling? He is a man, after all, so many decide he's up to no good. All I know is what the OP shared....a scenario where there's a marriage where there's already been stress and strife. A husband who decides to accept this position that is a promotion, requiring more work and stress, in return for the advancement and better pay. The guy hasn't been working long hours and has been showing signs of stress at home. My point of all of this is, as a man, from the outside looking in, on a forum frequented by 99% women, I'm a little tired of the husband-bashing, especially where I have a hard time commiserating, given the circumstances. I like what SHR ranch said....that a lot of women would give anything for a husband who is willing to work hard. I also find it refreshing to see that there are a lot of women willing to share stories about similar stories from earlier years in their marriage. What I see in those instances is a lot of gratitude and recognition that both the husband and wife suffered and sacrificed a great deal, but in the end, their marriage was strengthened because of it.
I can definitely see where you're coming from.
However, I see a lot of woman bashing on sites that I frequent that are 99% "populated" by men. There's a lot of hate on both sides that I wish would just stop. Enough is enough, already!
Anyway, I'm not a relationship expert so I don't really have an opinion. I do see lots of good advice though.
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Expert
Posts: 1432
Location: Never in one place long | LRQHS - 2014-07-14 6:06 AM
I say this with all sincerity, give that man a back massage when he comes home.
Hope it gets better for you soon, but if it doesn't, go buy another horse with his cash.
Lol! I actually do just that quite often (the back massage)... not so much lately though... perhaps I should. Just sold a horse so def not buying another! Maybe we should take a vacation together to have some quality time.... we're planning on one in a few months. | |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | DLV - 2014-07-14 8:25 AM
LRQHS - 2014-07-14 6:06 AM
I say this with all sincerity, give that man a back massage when he comes home.
Hope it gets better for you soon, but if it doesn't, go buy another horse with his cash.
Lol! I actually do just that quite often (the back massage )... not so much lately though... perhaps I should. Just sold a horse so def not buying another! Maybe we should take a vacation together to have some quality time.... we're planning on one in a few months.
That sounds like a great idea. Bora Bora looks nice and relaxing. | |
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Expert
Posts: 1432
Location: Never in one place long | RoaniePonie11 - 2014-07-14 12:51 AM
WOW you people are rude. Pretty sure she asked what she would do to help change the situation not weather or not you want her husband because she doesn't deserve him or how horrible of a wife she is.
To the OP. Please skip a lot of these responses. I wish I could say I was surprised at what you got. I am sorry you are in this situation. It sounds like you want your happy together time back and stress from the new job has taken that away from him. I know it is hard to put a smile on your face when all you want to do is yell at him because he hurts your feelings. I have been there. Believe me. Honestly, I recommend finding out when he'll be off one evening and set up a date night of some sort where you don't leave the house but set something up out of the ordinary that is up his alley (dinner and beer outside just hanging out or fancy dressy dinner with the dining room all fancy) and get him home and enjoy and relax with him and sometime during the night after he has began to relax and enjoy tell him you want more nights like that and you miss having y'alls time. Don't gripe about the job because I think that might strike a cord. Make it about wanting to spend more time with him and relax and have fun again.
Best of luck. Sorry your thread went south. Some people just don't have very open minds. I do realize your not bashing him.
Thank you. you are very right. | |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| We have gone through this 2 times. First was when my daughter was in jr. high. I never had a close relationship with my dad so I wanted her to have one with her dad. He was working overtime ALL the time, thinking that was what I wanted. But when I explained how showing heifers was something that he and Beth did together and would keep them from growing apart and how important the father/daughter relationship is to a pre-teen, he cut down on the overtime to go with us to the shows. Once the kids got in college, he took a promotion that was nothing but stress and working overtime, but not getting paid for it since he was salary. I supported him as well as I could. If he was grumpy, I asked if he wanted to talk, and if he didn't we would sit on the porch and drink a beer, or I would go ride and he would watch t.v. or go visit his cows. If he did want to talk, I just listened and said nothing but I love you. He has since changed positions and is much happier. I am blessed with the sweetest, most loving man, so when he was grumpy it broke my heart to see him feeling this way. Just give him some space and be patient with him. Recognize how you feel and let it go and then do something for yourself, whether it be reading a good book, listening to soothing music, or in my case sometimes listening to metal rock. It is normal to not want to be ignored, but don't resent him or think he loves you any less, because though he may not say it, he is doing this for you too. Find someone you can safely vent to, but make sure they are completely trustworthy. You can pm me if you want. | |
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 Own It and Move On
Location: The edge of no where | GLP - 2014-07-14 8:40 AM
We have gone through this 2 times. First was when my daughter was in jr. high. I never had a close relationship with my dad so I wanted her to have one with her dad. He was working overtime ALL the time, thinking that was what I wanted. But when I explained how showing heifers was something that he and Beth did together and would keep them from growing apart and how important the father/daughter relationship is to a pre-teen, he cut down on the overtime to go with us to the shows. Once the kids got in college, he took a promotion that was nothing but stress and working overtime, but not getting paid for it since he was salary. I supported him as well as I could. If he was grumpy, I asked if he wanted to talk, and if he didn't we would sit on the porch and drink a beer, or I would go ride and he would watch t.v. or go visit his cows. If he did want to talk, I just listened and said nothing but I love you. He has since changed positions and is much happier. I am blessed with the sweetest, most loving man, so when he was grumpy it broke my heart to see him feeling this way. Just give him some space and be patient with him. Recognize how you feel and let it go and then do something for yourself, whether it be reading a good book, listening to soothing music, or in my case sometimes listening to metal rock. It is normal to not want to be ignored, but don't resent him or think he loves you any less, because though he may not say it, he is doing this for you too. Find someone you can safely vent to, but make sure they are completely trustworthy. You can pm me if you want.
Really great advice. The more resentful you are of the hours he's gone, the less he's going to want to be around you. So what if he isn't doing as much as he used to around the place...Maybe cut back on the volunteering and just pick up the slack for him. | |
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 Expert
Posts: 3782
Location: Gainesville, TX | GLP - 2014-07-14 8:40 AM
We have gone through this 2 times. First was when my daughter was in jr. high. I never had a close relationship with my dad so I wanted her to have one with her dad. He was working overtime ALL the time, thinking that was what I wanted. But when I explained how showing heifers was something that he and Beth did together and would keep them from growing apart and how important the father/daughter relationship is to a pre-teen, he cut down on the overtime to go with us to the shows. Once the kids got in college, he took a promotion that was nothing but stress and working overtime, but not getting paid for it since he was salary. I supported him as well as I could. If he was grumpy, I asked if he wanted to talk, and if he didn't we would sit on the porch and drink a beer, or I would go ride and he would watch t.v. or go visit his cows. If he did want to talk, I just listened and said nothing but I love you. He has since changed positions and is much happier. I am blessed with the sweetest, most loving man, so when he was grumpy it broke my heart to see him feeling this way. Just give him some space and be patient with him. Recognize how you feel and let it go and then do something for yourself, whether it be reading a good book, listening to soothing music, or in my case sometimes listening to metal rock. It is normal to not want to be ignored, but don't resent him or think he loves you any less, because though he may not say it, he is doing this for you too. Find someone you can safely vent to, but make sure they are completely trustworthy. You can pm me if you want.
Brilliant as always! | |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | What type of problems were going on before? Do they contribute to this issue? | |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| oija - 2014-07-14 9:03 AM
GLP - 2014-07-14 8:40 AM
We have gone through this 2 times. First was when my daughter was in jr. high. I never had a close relationship with my dad so I wanted her to have one with her dad. He was working overtime ALL the time, thinking that was what I wanted. But when I explained how showing heifers was something that he and Beth did together and would keep them from growing apart and how important the father/daughter relationship is to a pre-teen, he cut down on the overtime to go with us to the shows. Once the kids got in college, he took a promotion that was nothing but stress and working overtime, but not getting paid for it since he was salary. I supported him as well as I could. If he was grumpy, I asked if he wanted to talk, and if he didn't we would sit on the porch and drink a beer, or I would go ride and he would watch t.v. or go visit his cows. If he did want to talk, I just listened and said nothing but I love you. He has since changed positions and is much happier. I am blessed with the sweetest, most loving man, so when he was grumpy it broke my heart to see him feeling this way. Just give him some space and be patient with him. Recognize how you feel and let it go and then do something for yourself, whether it be reading a good book, listening to soothing music, or in my case sometimes listening to metal rock. It is normal to not want to be ignored, but don't resent him or think he loves you any less, because though he may not say it, he is doing this for you too. Find someone you can safely vent to, but make sure they are completely trustworthy. You can pm me if you want.
Brilliant as always!
Aww, thank you. How are Zephyr and the Chasin Firewater? | |
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Expert
Posts: 3782
Location: Gainesville, TX | GLP - 2014-07-14 9:14 AM
oija - 2014-07-14 9:03 AM
GLP - 2014-07-14 8:40 AM
We have gone through this 2 times. First was when my daughter was in jr. high. I never had a close relationship with my dad so I wanted her to have one with her dad. He was working overtime ALL the time, thinking that was what I wanted. But when I explained how showing heifers was something that he and Beth did together and would keep them from growing apart and how important the father/daughter relationship is to a pre-teen, he cut down on the overtime to go with us to the shows. Once the kids got in college, he took a promotion that was nothing but stress and working overtime, but not getting paid for it since he was salary. I supported him as well as I could. If he was grumpy, I asked if he wanted to talk, and if he didn't we would sit on the porch and drink a beer, or I would go ride and he would watch t.v. or go visit his cows. If he did want to talk, I just listened and said nothing but I love you. He has since changed positions and is much happier. I am blessed with the sweetest, most loving man, so when he was grumpy it broke my heart to see him feeling this way. Just give him some space and be patient with him. Recognize how you feel and let it go and then do something for yourself, whether it be reading a good book, listening to soothing music, or in my case sometimes listening to metal rock. It is normal to not want to be ignored, but don't resent him or think he loves you any less, because though he may not say it, he is doing this for you too. Find someone you can safely vent to, but make sure they are completely trustworthy. You can pm me if you want.
Brilliant as always!
Aww, thank you. How are Zephyr and the Chasin Firewater?
I will PM you. :) | |
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 Roan Wonder
Location: SW MO | I'm old school I guess. The complaint part of you have about not answering text or calls at work. I didn't think you were supposed to text at work & personal calls were only for emergencies??
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10D Crack Champion
| crossspur - 2014-07-14 9:20 AM I'm old school I guess. The complaint part of you have about not answering text or calls at work. I didn't think you were supposed to text at work & perosn calls were only for emergencies.
I thought that as well. I thought folks were only supposed to make work related calls while at work.I guess someone could respond to texts and personal calls on breaks and lunch.
To the OP so sorry things aren't going well. Hang in there! | |
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Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | crossspur - 2014-07-14 9:20 AM I'm old school I guess. The complaint part of you have about not answering text or calls at work. I didn't think you were supposed to text at work & personal calls were only for emergencies??
It depends on where you work. | |
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BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25352
Location: Bastrop, Texas | I knew that saying what I did would not go over well, but threads like this tend to be one sided, whenever one gender dominates. I don't have a problem if someone wants to use a public forum or social media to vent or garner some support, but I think a lot of people who read these wonder about the other person's side of the story. Maybe my comments served to put things in perspective and maybe, just maybe, the OP considered them, took a step back, and reconsidered things. Sometimes when we are told something we don't want to hear, it still has a positive impact and strikes a chord that eventually helps to right the ship. If that happens, then some of the vitriol directed toward me for going out on a limb will be well worth it. | |
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Hawty & Nawty
Posts: 20424
| OP- All of us wish you nothing but the best. I hate seeing marriages end period. | |
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| I agree that some that the previous issues you guys have had are mostly driving this discontent; it's just another thing on top of the others. I suggest you try to come to terms with whatever those issues are so you can get a better perspective on the current status.
I do think that perhaps this first 6-12 months might be a lot of hard work and hours for him. When I have made a challenging career more, it has taken me that long to get all the pieces in place and become efficient (spend less time) at it. It has always been worth it, but you have to get through the other side of it first. When I started my current position, Plant Controller for a manufacturing facility, I was working about 80 hours per week easily. The plant was going through some challenges, but that was why I got hired to get them through those. I don't have a spouse or kids at home, but I still had all the household stuff and animals to take care of also. How great it would have been to have help with the stuff at home.
With my experiences, I can be very easy to tell someone to kick him to the curb. However, in this instance (or I am mellowing out) I am going with the back massage.
Good luck. | |
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Expert
Posts: 1432
Location: Never in one place long | HotbearLVR - 2014-07-14 9:36 AM
I knew that saying what I did would not go over well, but threads like this tend to be one sided, whenever one gender dominates. I don't have a problem if someone wants to use a public forum or social media to vent or garner some support, but I think a lot of people who read these wonder about the other person's side of the story. Maybe my comments served to put things in perspective and maybe, just maybe, the OP considered them, took a step back, and reconsidered things. Sometimes when we are told something we don't want to hear, it still has a positive impact and strikes a chord that eventually helps to right the ship. If that happens, then some of the vitriol directed toward me for going out on a limb will be well worth it.
When you post on a public forum you have to be willing to accept whatever people say and I'm glad you posted your opinion, doesn't mean I have to take it but I think from every single post, there has been something that I can learn from. The fact that you assumed I was a spoiled, unthankful wife out rodeoing and spending my husbands money was not very fair because it's far from the truth and that's why I don't care so much about the money. I have no hard feeling about it. As I said on my OP, I was being resentful etc. and DON"T want to be! I was asking for advice on how to get through this and ending my marriage is NOT an option, neither or us want that nor would I even entertain the idea! We have to get through this and I'm certain we're both a part of the problem. I'm glad to hear so many have been through simular sitations and I'm so thankful for all the heartfelt advice and encouragment!
We had a great night last night and actually had fun!
Edited by DLV 2014-07-14 10:05 AM
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Meanest Teacher!!!
Posts: 8555
Location: sunny california | crossspur - 2014-07-14 7:20 AM I'm old school I guess. The complaint part of you have about not answering text or calls at work. I didn't think you were supposed to text at work & personal calls were only for emergencies??
That kind of depends. my hubby is a company man and he will take my call and answer a text in front of his boss. his reasoning is simple and everyone knows it: I work 60 hours a week when I cheat the company, and my wife does not complain. I take her calls and return her texts as a way of showing her SHE IS FIRST, and maybe that is why she doesn't complain and is a company wife. | |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | DLV - 2014-07-14 10:03 AM HotbearLVR - 2014-07-14 9:36 AM I knew that saying what I did would not go over well, but threads like this tend to be one sided, whenever one gender dominates. I don't have a problem if someone wants to use a public forum or social media to vent or garner some support, but I think a lot of people who read these wonder about the other person's side of the story. Maybe my comments served to put things in perspective and maybe, just maybe, the OP considered them, took a step back, and reconsidered things. Sometimes when we are told something we don't want to hear, it still has a positive impact and strikes a chord that eventually helps to right the ship. If that happens, then some of the vitriol directed toward me for going out on a limb will be well worth it. When you post on a public forum you have to be willing to accept whatever people say and I'm glad you posted your opinion, doesn't mean I have to take it but I think from every single post, there has been something that I can learn from. The fact that you assumed I was a spoiled, unthankful wife out rodeoing and spending my husbands money was not very fair because it's far from the truth and that's why I don't care so much about the money. I have no hard feeling about it. As I said on my OP, I was being resentful etc. and DON"T want to be! I was asking for advice on how to get through this and ending my marriage is NOT an option, neither or us want that nor would I even entertain the idea! We have to get through this and I'm certain we're both a part of the problem. I'm glad to hear so many have been through simular sitations and I'm so thankful for all the heartfelt advice and encouragment! We had a great night last night and actually had fun!
Glad to hear last night was good. Hope more will come for the two of you.  | |
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Expert
Posts: 1432
Location: Never in one place long | kwanatha - 2014-07-14 10:04 AM
crossspur - 2014-07-14 7:20 AM I'm old school I guess. The complaint part of you have about not answering text or calls at work. I didn't think you were supposed to text at work & personal calls were only for emergencies??
That kind of depends. my hubby is a company man and he will take my call and answer a text in front of his boss. his reasoning is simple and everyone knows it: I work 60 hours a week when I cheat the company, and my wife does not complain. I take her calls and return her texts as a way of showing her SHE IS FIRST, and maybe that is why she doesn't complain and is a company wife.
Exactly! and as I SAID on his LUNCH break, I'm pretty sure on lunch break, you are free to make a phone call in any place of work! His boss actually yelled at him for NOT answering my calls one time and told him he needed to call me more oftten when he is on business trips! | |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| DLV - 2014-07-14 10:03 AM
HotbearLVR - 2014-07-14 9:36 AM
I knew that saying what I did would not go over well, but threads like this tend to be one sided, whenever one gender dominates. I don't have a problem if someone wants to use a public forum or social media to vent or garner some support, but I think a lot of people who read these wonder about the other person's side of the story. Maybe my comments served to put things in perspective and maybe, just maybe, the OP considered them, took a step back, and reconsidered things. Sometimes when we are told something we don't want to hear, it still has a positive impact and strikes a chord that eventually helps to right the ship. If that happens, then some of the vitriol directed toward me for going out on a limb will be well worth it.
When you post on a public forum you have to be willing to accept whatever people say and I'm glad you posted your opinion, doesn't mean I have to take it but I think from every single post, there has been something that I can learn from. The fact that you assumed I was a spoiled, unthankful wife out rodeoing and spending my husbands money was not very fair because it's far from the truth and that's why I don't care so much about the money. I have no hard feeling about it. As I said on my OP, I was being resentful etc. and DON"T want to be! I was asking for advice on how to get through this and ending my marriage is NOT an option, neither or us want that nor would I even entertain the idea! We have to get through this and I'm certain we're both a part of the problem. I'm glad to hear so many have been through simular sitations and I'm so thankful for all the heartfelt advice and encouragment!
We had a great night last night and actually had fun!
I am glad you had a good night with your hubby. Just remember the ones who have gotten thru this are here for you. | |
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Veteran
Posts: 238
| I just read through all of this, 4+ pages. The only thing I keep coming back to is this; It seems when women pick up more (work, kids, school etc.) that they are also still expected to keep up with household chores. Yet when men pick up more, it's ok for them to just DROP it all and the spouse is to pick up the excess.
That drives me nuts. More-so because it's accepted as the way things are.
I can say, that every man has his good points and his bad. And every woman is different in what is acceptable to her. I have learned to accept that some of the things my friends take from their men is ok if it's ok to them. And ask the same from outsiders looking at my relationship. There's a reason there is someone for everyone. | |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | I chimed in once and I want to again.
To the OP.......life is hard. And I can honestly say I have walked in your shoes somewhat. I have never felt resentment towards my husband, but I have absolutely felt ignored and "unwanted" if you will. He works so many hours, then would be grumpy when he got home, and treated me like he treated one of his soldiers.
It was a two fold problem. And we had a few fights over it. First, he had to learn to leave work at work, and to change into a husband when he got home rather then the NCO he is at work all day long. That was hard for him.
The second part is that I had to realize that no matter how I felt, that there is NOTHING this man would not do for me, and that no matter how grumpy is was, how many hours he worked, or anything else, that he loved me more then he cared about himself. So when I finally allowed myself to understand that, I had to work even harder to make HIM feel appreciated for everything he does for me and for us.
Marraige is HARD. It's one of the hardest jobs any of us will ever have. You can spend 80 hours a week at work, but at night and on your days off, you are a free person. With marraige you never have a day off. You can't possibly spend that much time with the same person and not have your differences.
My biggest concern when I first posted is that you resented him, making him feel unloved and disprespected, which was only going to make matters worse. I didn't want to see that happen. When my husband and I were adjusting to mingling our two totally independent lives, I started to learn why divorce is so common. We were never at risk, and never will be, for divorce, but when we realized just how much work it was to have a great marraige, it made it easy to see why so many people don't succeed at it.
I hope you and your husband can find a common place to work through these issues. If he is anything like my husband, he will always worry first about making the income and such to provide for you for the rest of your life...... | |
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Sideways Riding Expert
Posts: 11371
Location: ND--it snows, it floods, it snows, it floods | You stated in the reply to HotBear that you don't want to feel resentful so maybe you BOTH need to take a step back and figure out what you BOTH want. How long has he been in this new position? My hubby took a promotion 2 years ago and things are just now starting to settle into a routine for him but it's still stressful on both of us. He has said that he would even go back to his old position in a heartbeat and even though I pushed for the new position I fully support him to go back if that's what makes him happy. Maybe you need to give up some of your unpaid volunteer stuff for awhile until things get sorted out and you will feel less stressed as well. I know that there are things that hubby just won't do no matter how often I bug him about it (household chores maily) and since we will be starting the building process on our house I have point blank told him we are getting someone to come in and clean for us because frankly I'm sick of spending my little free time cleaning the house. He started getting bucky about it until I explained that it wasn't fair to either of us. Either way good luck! | |
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Expert
Posts: 1432
Location: Never in one place long | missroselee - 2014-07-14 11:14 AM
I chimed in once and I want to again.
To the OP.......life is hard. And I can honestly say I have walked in your shoes somewhat. I have never felt resentment towards my husband, but I have absolutely felt ignored and "unwanted" if you will. He works so many hours, then would be grumpy when he got home, and treated me like he treated one of his soldiers.
It was a two fold problem. And we had a few fights over it. First, he had to learn to leave work at work, and to change into a husband when he got home rather then the NCO he is at work all day long. That was hard for him.
The second part is that I had to realize that no matter how I felt, that there is NOTHING this man would not do for me, and that no matter how grumpy is was, how many hours he worked, or anything else, that he loved me more then he cared about himself. So when I finally allowed myself to understand that, I had to work even harder to make HIM feel appreciated for everything he does for me and for us.
Marraige is HARD. It's one of the hardest jobs any of us will ever have. You can spend 80 hours a week at work, but at night and on your days off, you are a free person. With marraige you never have a day off. You can't possibly spend that much time with the same person and not have your differences.
My biggest concern when I first posted is that you resented him, making him feel unloved and disprespected, which was only going to make matters worse. I didn't want to see that happen. When my husband and I were adjusting to mingling our two totally independent lives, I started to learn why divorce is so common. We were never at risk, and never will be, for divorce, but when we realized just how much work it was to have a great marraige, it made it easy to see why so many people don't succeed at it.
I hope you and your husband can find a common place to work through these issues. If he is anything like my husband, he will always worry first about making the income and such to provide for you for the rest of your life......
I think you are very right about this. I have no doubt my husband will always take care of me, he is a good man I think just forgetting what matters in life at this point. It'll get better. Our husbands sound like they could be good friends. :) Thank you for the advice... it is very good advice and makes me think about this all. | |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | SpottedT - 2014-07-14 11:07 AM I just read through all of this, 4+ pages. The only thing I keep coming back to is this; It seems when women pick up more (work, kids, school etc.) that they are also still expected to keep up with household chores. Yet when men pick up more, it's ok for them to just DROP it all and the spouse is to pick up the excess. That drives me nuts. More-so because it's accepted as the way things are. I can say, that every man has his good points and his bad. And every woman is different in what is acceptable to her. I have learned to accept that some of the things my friends take from their men is ok if it's ok to them. And ask the same from outsiders looking at my relationship. There's a reason there is someone for everyone.
Very well said | |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 597
| I made a similar post a while back, and then I felt like a tool when 80% of the replies told me to suck it up! They were right. That said, it's so hard to feel alone all of the time, it's so hard to pick up the slack and feel like all of YOUR hard work goes unnoticed, I totally feel your pain. Try to feel blessed, try to change your attitude, try to remember that as the wife it's your job to set the tone at home, but at the same time truly, truly, try as hard as you can to remember that you are both HUMAN. As humans we make mistakes, we lean hardest on those we love the most, we unload our burdens on the people that we trust to hold them for us. It took me a very long time to change my attitude towards my husbands work ethic, but I did and now our lives are both easier for it.
I hope things get better for you guys, it's a hard row to hoe, but if you can make it through the tough times then the good ones are just that much sweeter! | |
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 Roan On The Range
Posts: 7889
Location: Stephenville, TX | People show love in lots of different ways. To you, showing love means time spent together. To him, showing love probably means providing as well. He took the promotion so he could provide...pay off the student loans and remodel the house. Most of his time and energy is being spent sorting through his new responsibilities at work right now, not an easy task. What he needs from you is some understanding, not nagging. When you do get to spend time with him, tell him you're proud of him for working so hard, you understand the promotion is important right now and you're looking forward to spending more time with him when things calm down. Maybe mention a few things you're looking forward to doing with him when time allows.
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| When I was a much younger than I am now wife, I found that my resentful type feelings tended to come around the same "time of the month" and then they'd disappear for another, say, month or so. Not trying to be facetious or make light of the situation at all but am very serious. I commented on this post with a couple of other thoughts and then just had the realization of how I used to get into these really bad funks that were hormone related and how miserable I'd be. Just thought I'd throw the thought out there. | |
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Teen Advice Giver
| While I'm not married yet my SO that I've been with for years now, is an extremely hard working man. Most nights he will come home from work at 3:30, do all the outside yard work, and then has to go back to work at 8:30pm for 2 hours.. Then gets back up at 6 to work again. The only times I've been upset with him working so hard, was I felt bad for HIM. I worry about him getting the rest he needs, being to stressed, etc.
I would never feel bad about myself though. I work too but am fortunate to have a job that doesn't require anything outside of 9-5 Monday thru Friday. He also works most Saturday mornings to make extra money.
I love how hard working he is and I know that one day, when we have kids, he will pass that hardworking attitude on to them....and for that I'm so happy. | |
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