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Location: Keeping up with the numbers! | Just curious if thank you notes are obsolete any more. I sent out six graduation cards with what I would consider a very appropriate amount of money seven weeks ago. To date I have not received one thank you note or call. Is this a thing of the past? Just curious as new generations of children have different outlooks on life. Any thoughts???? |
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 Expert
Posts: 1432
Location: Never in one place long | I think this post has been on here before but NOPE I don't think so although, I'm in the same boat... I sent several decent sized checks out for our cousin graduates and haven't received a single thank you nor did they mention it when I saw them last. I also have not received thank yous from people that I've provided other things for. I don't except it but it is nice to at the very least KNOW they received it, I guess I know that by seeing when the check clears! |
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 Veteran
Posts: 204
| Apparently some people think so...I gave a monetary gift to an old friend for her wedding last October and never received a thank you. I don't think there's any excuse for that! I guess it goes back to how you were brought up? Beats me!  |
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 Veteran
Posts: 129
Location: South | I am a firm believer that if you receive a graduation gift or wedding gift you should send a "Thank you" note. This was the way my parents were raised, and the way they raised me. I gave a wedding gift a few months ago and still havn't gotten a "Thank you". I think that is just tacky on the receivers end. JMO |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
 
Location: Midwest | I wouldn't expect it if the person recieved the gift and thanked you in person at the time, however if this was a party you went to, or if you mailed it to them, I would think they should send you a thank you note OR call you to say thank you.
Cards in general though (of the paper sort) are not very popular anymore with the younger crowd.
I personally hate sending cards, though I did send thank you cards for my wedding gifts promptly. I believe I sent them after my wedding shower as well.
If a friend gets me a gift, or we exchange gifts in person, I do not later mail them a thank you card because I said thanks in person... and if someone mails me something, I normally will call or text (depending on the what the person prefers) to say thanks instead of sending a paper card. |
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 Expert
Posts: 3782
Location: Gainesville, TX | I remember being a bit late on getting my graduation and thank you cards out for wedding and graduation, sometimes because I had the wrong address. But everybody got sent something. If somebody does something nice for me day to day or birthday or something, I'll just call or thank them in person. But formal occasions still demand them I think. |
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Sideways Riding Expert
Posts: 11371
Location: ND--it snows, it floods, it snows, it floods | Probably one of my biggest pet peeves is not getting Thank You notes or at least some sort of response to a gift weather it be wedding, graduation or even birthday. I did send out 1 graduation card this year and got a thank you written by the kids mother which I was a little taken aback by but at least I got a response. I know my sister gets on my nephew and niece about it but my brother and his wife don't do anything...we barely get a response when they open the gifts in front of us which really irritates me. I've given up on hubby's side to recieve anything ever from them in some sort of response. |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | oija - 2014-07-15 10:52 AM I remember being a bit late on getting my graduation and thank you cards out for wedding and graduation, sometimes because I had the wrong address. But everybody got sent something. If somebody does something nice for me day to day or birthday or something, I'll just call or thank them in person. But formal occasions still demand them I think.
Agree.
I will usually only text people thank you if that is the primary way we communicate instead of phone calls (myself and many of my friends hate talking on the phone, lol), otherwise I will call. |
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| I believe if you are giving something or donating something and expect something in return (the thank you) then you are doing it for the wrong reason.
Even if I donate prizes to a barrel race, I don't expect anything in return, last year I donated peewee prizes never received a thank you card, but I seen on Facebook, it was acknowledged. I was happier to see the smiles on the peewees faces. |
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Location: Keeping up with the numbers! | Thank you for the responses. I think it is a generation gap. Cards are the only way to go anymore if you do not live close. I won't even get started on the price of cards...lol! I think the cheapest one I sent was $4.99.
I guess prior to your responses I was filling a little miffed. Outside of the family members, some of these graduates I have not seen for a while and to send them a nice card and what I perceive as a monetary amount I just felt warrented a thank you. At least from the parents anyway, as I know they are the ones who instigated giving them my address to send their graduation announcement to begin with. |
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 Expert
Posts: 2097
Location: Deep South | I think there is becoming a generation gap. I don't know if parents just aren't teaching their kids to do it or what the deal is. But where I'm from, people still expect to receive them for formal occasions.
Heaven forbid a bride doesn't send them out promptly. All the ladies at church are talking about her. |
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 Buttered Noodles Snacker
Posts: 4377
Location: NC | barrelracr131 - 2014-07-15 10:52 AM I wouldn't expect it if the person recieved the gift and thanked you in person at the time, however if this was a party you went to, or if you mailed it to them, I would think they should send you a thank you note OR call you to say thank you.
Cards in general though (of the paper sort) are not very popular anymore with the younger crowd.
I personally hate sending cards, though I did send thank you cards for my wedding gifts promptly. I believe I sent them after my wedding shower as well.
If a friend gets me a gift, or we exchange gifts in person, I do not later mail them a thank you card because I said thanks in person... and if someone mails me something, I normally will call or text (depending on the what the person prefers) to say thanks instead of sending a paper card.
I sent Thank You cards after all of my wedding and baby showers, but always thought it was a waste of time and money when I already told everyone thank you in person..... I can see sending them to someone you were not able to thank in person, but honestly don't see the point when you have already thanked them in person.... JMHO but my in-laws assured me it is a must so I did.  |
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"Heck's Coming With Me"
Posts: 10797
Location: Kansas | Wedding gift and graduation in the past couple of months......no thank you notes. I expect them.
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 Veteran
Posts: 113
Location: Tx | I am 27 and still send traditional "thank you" notes for everything! My parents required I do it when growing up and it stuck. From the time I learned to write I was doing my own thank you's for everything that was sent to me. My grandparents would send birthday, Christmas, dance competition flowers or money or for anything from any sponsors I had for softball, soccer, basketball or rodeo. I did it for all of my wedding stuff, baby stuff and my kids birthday gifts received from out of town. I was raised with very traditional values and my children will learn the same. I think people cherish a nice handwritten letter more than an electronic thank you. |
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 A very grounded girl
Posts: 5052
Location: Moving soon..... | Maybe its just my generation, but I would not expect anything less. If I were to give someone a gift for any occasion, I would expect a thank you note. If I don't get one, I would assume that the gift was not appreciated or wanted. |
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The Resident Destroyer of Liberal Logic
Location: PNW | I'm a Thank You card BEAST. I send them for EVERYTHING. Especially if the gift is from a distance, not only is it a polite thank you, but it also lets the sender know you received it. Any type of shower (baby or wedding), birthday gift, wedding gift - they all get cards from my family.
I think the problem here though, is a generation gap and just lack of etiquette. I don't mean that everyone needs beat over the head with Emily Post's book (there's heavier ones that would do a better job), but there's a general lack of etiquette and manners in today's younger generations - including my own. |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| I don't think wanting or expecting a thank you note at all means you are giving a gift for the wrong reason. It is polite and good manners to properly thank someone for their time and effort in acknowleging you with a gift. It is also my biggest pet peeve to not recieve a thank you note. So many of the "niceties" of out society are going by the way side, knowing your neigbors, being part of a community and it is a shame. No one should be too busy to show appreciation and good manners. My kids are ages 21- 25 and they write thank you notes for Christmas gifts to their grandparents. |
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 I Prefer to Live in Fantasy Land
Posts: 64864
Location: In the Hills of Texas | BeanCounter - 2014-07-15 11:01 AM Thank you for the responses. I think it is a generation gap. Cards are the only way to go anymore if you do not live close. I won't even get started on the price of cards...lol! I think the cheapest one I sent was $4.99. I guess prior to your responses I was filling a little miffed. Outside of the family members, some of these graduates I have not seen for a while and to send them a nice card and what I perceive as a monetary amount I just felt warrented a thank you. At least from the parents anyway, as I know they are the ones who instigated giving them my address to send their graduation announcement to begin with.
It's very easy and cheap to make your own Thank You cards or to buy them in a pack. |
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10D Crack Champion
| We still give thank you notes.
Jimmy Fallon does "Thank You Notes" every week. They are pretty funny!
I remember a co-workers husband saying one time that women would send a thank you note to the person who gave them a thank you note for a gift. Thank you for your thank you note!  |
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 No Tune in a Bucket
Posts: 2935
Location: Texas | I received a hs graduation invitation post marked July 7th for a June 6th graduation from a great niece that I see maybe every other year. I am trying to decide if it even deserves a response. |
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The Resident Destroyer of Liberal Logic
Location: PNW | RocketPilot - 2014-07-15 1:07 PM
I received a hs graduation invitation post marked July 7th for a June 6th graduation from a great niece that I see maybe every other year. I am trying to decide if it even deserves a response.
Just send a card - no cash or check.
In her defense.... About a month after I graduated high school I found about ten invites under the seat of my car that must've fallen next to the center console. Because they were all for family, I still mailed them for the sake of preventing hurt feelings and just in case they wanted a keepsake. Lol |
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  More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | My son graduated from HS in May and sent out thank you notes. He had to write them himself and I addressed the envelopes. He had a generic thank you for thinking of me type note that he wrote out but there were a few people such as my mom, my brothers and some cousins that IMO went above and beyond in what they gave him and he wrote them each a short personal note. I had to laugh at my brothers wedding this past weekend because my son heard a lot of...."thank you for the nice thank you note!" |
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| In the past year, I've sent one very generous check for a graduation gift, three very nice wedding gifts and 1 baby shower gift as well as putting out the $100 for the baby shower cake. I have received, in return, 0 thank you notes. I don't have a problem with not receiving an actual note in the regular mail. I do, however, have a problem with not getting a FB message or an email in place of a note....of which, I have also received 0 but I did get a verbal thank you for the baby shower gift/cake.
Edited by runs4fun 2014-07-15 2:18 PM
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 Playing the Waiting Game
Posts: 2304
| Kids aren't as good at this.. they think a on the phone thank you is good enough... NOT mine.. I made them write out thank you's.. Although Dustin was getting ready to go to basic training and it did take him longer than 7 weeks I think by the time he was done the last of them took 3 months. |
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 Bye-Bye Jiggle
Posts: 1691
Location: Where ever there's sunshine! | A hand written "thank you" is never out of style. They're classy. Those that think they're out dated are either too young to be able to appreciate anything hand written of too lazy to do it. I still write them and love receiving them! |
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Common Sense and then some
Location: So. California | Recently, I sent out 3 graduation cards with a little something inside. I received 2 thank you cards back. The first thank you card I received back was from a grand-niece that I didn't think I would get anything back from. That was a huge surprise as I wasn't expecting anything back from her and her note was so darn sweet!
If I'm giving something from my heart, I don't expect anything back. That is not the reason I am giving the gift. I am acknowledging THEIR accomplishment and happy to do so. 
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 Hugs to You
Posts: 7551
Location: In The Land of Cotton | A written thank you note is never out of style. People just don't teach their children anymore because it is easier to phone and text. Mine were taught to write thank you's and I expect my children to teach their children. |
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 Texas Lone Star
Posts: 5318
Location: where ever my L/Q trl is parked | It doesn't matter what we as the older generation think. The younger people I'm thinking , those born from 1990 don't really know such things cause their parents didn't either. I believe if you receive a gift a thank you card needs to be sent in return. I sent wedding gifts to sister's that had weddings within 2 months of each other. Got one cell phone thank you and the second girl took 4 months which was a card, but the she didn't even sign it. Someone told me that now per wedding ettiquette, the couple has a year to send out thank you cards. I don't agree at all, by that time they could be divorced. 
I'm amazed what the young 20's something don't know or have any idea....like when drying clothes you should alway clean the lint trap or at least look to see if it needed to be clean.... helps keep down fires. 
Edited by Aqhaczy 2014-07-15 3:29 PM
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 Money Eating Baggage Owner
Posts: 9586
Location: Phoenix | I work in the lost and found department at work and we found a kids Nintendo DS. When he and his family came to pick it up, he brought us pizzas and a handwritten thank you card. I couldn't help but think "GOOD parenting!" It made my day. |
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 Thread Killer
Posts: 7545
| Aqhaczy - 2014-07-15 4:27 PM
It doesn't matter what we as the older generation think. The younger people I'm thinking , those born from 1990 don't really know such things cause their parents didn't either. I believe if you receive a gift a thank you card needs to be sent in return. I sent wedding gifts to sister's that had weddings within 2 months of each other. Got one cell phone thank you and the second girl took 4 months which was a card, but the she didn't even sign it. Someone told me that now per wedding ettiquette, the couple has a year to send out thank you cards. I don't agree at all, by that time they could be divorced. I'm amazed what the young 20's something don't know or have any idea....like when drying clothes you should alway clean the lint trap or at least look to see if it needed to be clean.... helps keep down fires.
HA! Well, at least I can clean a lint trap. I can understand forgetting occasionally, but not doing it at all? UghI don't think that thank you cards are out of style. I tried to personalize my thank you cards after my graduation party. I kept a careful record of what everyone gave me amount wise, wrote not only the notes but the addresses too, and tried to personalize as best I could all while my mother was breathing down my neck ready to murder me for getting them out late. It's hard to personalize when you don't even know half of the people that came. Then after all of that, I found out that a few people didn't even get theirs. Needless to say I'm still traumatized. LOL |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1119
| I sent out thank you cards for our wedding within a month or so, but later found out that several people never received them (if I found out they didn't, I resent one!), but it makes me worry that there are people out there that didn't get one and think I'm tacky or inconsiderate for not sending thank you notes. |
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 Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | cheryl makofka - 2014-07-15 12:00 PM I believe if you are giving something or donating something and expect something in return (the thank you) then you are doing it for the wrong reason. Even if I donate prizes to a barrel race, I don't expect anything in return, last year I donated peewee prizes never received a thank you card, but I seen on Facebook, it was acknowledged. I was happier to see the smiles on the peewees faces.
it is proper etiquette though to respond with a thank you note for weddings, baby showers or graduations..or a thank you messege..something to acknowledge you got it and appreciate the gesture..
birthdays not
barrel races no... |
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Red Bull Agressive
Posts: 5981
Location: North Dakota | BleuIdGrl - 2014-07-15 2:36 PM A hand written "thank you" is never out of style. They're classy. Those that think they're out dated are either too young to be able to appreciate anything hand written of too lazy to do it. I still write them and love receiving them!
I'm both.
Just kidding, sort of. I mean, I was forced to write many as a child by my mother, but I've never recieved one and couldn't care less if I ever do. I think I've written maybe one as an adult. A verbal thank you, text message, whatever is fine by me. Maybe it's generational, but I just don't see the big deal. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1718
Location: Southeast Louisiana | I think maybe saying Thank You is a thing of the past for much of the younger generation. Whenever any event is coming up, we get specific instructions on what we are to buy for them. At the very least, money is expected. When the younger kids open cards nowadays, they look for the money and toss them aside without even reading them if there is nothing inside. Wouldn't surprise me if they took out the money and never bothered to see who it was from.
I recently had two showers. The first was a surprise and I have almost no addresses for those who attended. I haven't been on my feet enough to thank them in person, but I fully intend to. (So, if any of you are reading this... THANK YOU!!) For the second, I had a complete list of names and addresses and did send out Thank You cards. I tried to really put a personal message and some feeling into every one, too. I really was touched at everyone's efforts. I tried to tell everyone how much I genuinely appreciated what they did because I got one once from my cousin's new wife and it said, "Thanks for the clock, we will enjoy telling time on it." I got the feeling they didn't really like it, since I saw it in my Aunt's house after that. Her reply did make me laugh, though. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 984
Location: Southwest Minnesota | My daughter graduated this spring...we have not gotten Thank-you's done yet but are still planning on doing them. She has had a crazy, busy summer with a 2 week trip to Africa, working nearly full-time, showing horses, and doing 4-h projects. Her last day of work is this saturday and she leaves for college 8/23. So, sometime between those two dates we will have them complete! We are slow but I still think they are very important to do. Better late than never I guess. |
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Expert
Posts: 1695
Location: Willows, CA | We were a sponsor for the Sherry Cervi Youth Championship. You would be amazed at the number of thank you notes we got from those kids. Most were clearly from the kids themselves and are wonderful. They are learning young. |
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Regular
Posts: 62
| I'm still a believer in Thank You notes. When I won awards I always tried to get thank yous out as quick as I could. When I was an awards director I would send Thank You's to each donor just so in case the person who received the award didn't. I wanted the donor to know they were appreciated so when I asked the next year they would be eager to donate.
My daughter shows at our County Youth Fair each year and has sold something in the auction the last three years. It is a requirement for the kids to write thank yous to whoever buys their animal or project, whoever puts add-ons and to the buckle donors if they win one before they receive their auction check. We've been cheating the last couple of years. I take pictures of her with her auction item, print it on my computer with a personalized note printed on the picture and send that to them. I think the people and businesses enjoy getting those because I've seen them hanging up behind their counters. |
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 Expert
Posts: 3534
Location: Stuck in a cubicle having tropical thoughts | When I got married a couple years ago, it took me about 2ish months to get all my Thank you Notes sent.
That being said, my in-laws and grandparents think Thank you notes are the most important thing in the world.
For me, I personally HATE to receive a thank you note in the mail. But that is the environmental hippie in me. I think handwritten thank you cards and envenlopes are a waste to the environment. More often than not, those thank you notes end up in a landfill.
Hubby and I went to a couples baby shower last year. We received an eInvite, RSVP'd via email and got our eThankYou. I LOVED it. Makes it way easier, quicker and organized for the folks having the baby and on the receiving end I didn't have to wonder what to do with an extra piece of paper and envenlope.
I'm having my first baby shower in a couple weeks. I'm already being yelled at by people 60 and over about how we have to hurry and get thank you's out before the baby arrives. Hubby and I are in our 30s. He will write the ones for his side because his mom thinks she the queen of england and he does it to shut her up.
I have also been handed little scrolls and a party favor while leaving a 'shower' party that said thank you for attending and thank you for the gift. They were handed out by the door. Might be less personable, but makes it way less work for the person the party is thrown for.
I do think it's a generation gap at this point. I don't even notice if I don't receive a thank you.
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Industrial Srength Barrel Racer
Posts: 7268
| Frodo - 2014-07-15 11:36 AM Wedding gift and graduation in the past couple of months......no thank you notes. I expect them.
I do too! If I can take the time (and money) to shop for a gift or card and money, the recipient can take the time to fill out a thank you note! Good grief - what happened to MANNERS??? |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | barlracr429 - 2014-07-15 9:48 PM I don't even notice if I don't receive a thank you.
Same here.... I honestly read them and throw it away if I do get one.
When I give a gift to someone, I don't expect anything in return. Giving them the gift is enough reward for me :)
Life is too short for me to become upset over not recieving a little card in the mail. |
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 Veteran
Posts: 221
Location: Alabama | I just recently got married (06/28/2014) and I finished up my thank you notes yesterday and mailed them this morning. I agree that people took time to send us a gift or bring it to the wedding so they deserve a thank you note and I tried to personalize all of them. However, I do not trust the postal service so I am nervous not all of them will get delivered and people may think I didn't send a thank you note.
I also sent a wedding gift to a good friend of mine back in May. I have yet to receive a thank you note. As I said, I do not trust the postal service so I sent a text asking if they received my card (had a gift card in it). The response was we have received so many I am not sure if we have gotten it or not. I told him I mailed it back in May and he responds, oh I am sure we received it. Well how about a thank you or why don't you check and make sure you received it. I am pretty upset about that situation. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 477
| trobertson - 2014-07-15 10:47 AM
I am a firm believer that if you receive a graduation gift or wedding gift you should send a "Thank you" note. This was the way my parents were raised, and the way they raised me. I gave a wedding gift a few months ago and still havn't gotten a "Thank you". I think that is just tacky on the receivers end. JMO
I so agree with all of you that thank yous should be sent. A trend I have been seeing here at weddings is.. "in lew of thank you notes we will be making a donation to some cancer fund.." Hey, nice to make a donation, but why not do the donation in the place of something else in the wedding?? Sometimes when you don't receive a thank you, you wonder if they even got the gift!! Not talking just from weddings, but to those of you who perhaps mailed monetary gifts to graduates that didn't get thank yous, does it make you wonder if they even got the card?? I will say the one grad party we attended and gave a gift too, we did get a prompt thank you a week later, so courtesy it not totally lost by everyone! |
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 Water Weight Barbie
Posts: 6829
Location: Oz, Kansas | When my daughter & I prepared & mailed out her graduation invites I printed out 2 copies of the address labels so she could get a thank you note out in the mail after receiving a card. I know she told everyone that attended thank you but I still felt they deserved a proper card. Now my niece on the other hand, created an event on facebook & invited people that way & no thank you cards were mailed & I don't even think she told me thanks when I handed her my card. |
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 Own It and Move On
Location: The edge of no where | barrelracr131 - 2014-07-16 7:09 AM barlracr429 - 2014-07-15 9:48 PM I don't even notice if I don't receive a thank you. Same here.... I honestly read them and throw it away if I do get one.
When I give a gift to someone, I don't expect anything in return. Giving them the gift is enough reward for me :)
Life is too short for me to become upset over not recieving a little card in the mail.
I don't care if I receive one or not.. When I send a gift, I don't expect anything back.. It's called a gift.
90% of thank you notes are jolted out in under 2 min and generic and then they go in the trash 5-10 min after receiving....Who really has time to care about it?
Perhaps it's a generational thing, but what is the big deal about a handwritten card vs an email or fb msg? I dislike clutter and would actually just prefer something electronic.
fb notes, emails, calls and texts are all great. |
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 Stinky Cat Owner
Posts: 4097
Location: Oregon | I appreciate thank you notes if I've mailed or shipped something to someone. It's not that I expect something in return or a pat on the back or whatever, I realize it's a GIFT. I would just like to know that the person that I sent the gift to actually received it and that someone else didn't intercept it. In my opinion it's a basic common courtesy to say THANK YOU.
Please, thank you and just being POLITE are becoming less common it seems. |
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 I'm Not Here
Posts: 1856
Location: right where I wanna be | I sent thank you notes out after my graduation, bridal shower, wedding, and baby shower. I also sent thank yous to the people who came and brought gifts to my sons first birthday party. People like getting thank yous and in my opinion it is what you are supposed to do. A handwritten thank you says alot about a person. |
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 Veteran
Posts: 234
| I think that the times have change and not always for the better. With the electronic age alot of things are very impersonal, we text and do social media with people we don't even know. But I still was raised to take the time to acknowledge the gift with a thank you. I sent out money, gift cards and gifts to our family members and do not get a thank you the next time I see them, so its very disappointing. |
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 Dr. Ebay
Posts: 8507
Location: Land Of Oz | I feel a little insulted if I don't receive a thank-you for a gift I spent money on and took the time to either go get or mail. It's not a self-gratification for me, it's simply the curteous thing to do IMO. I send thank yous out if I am the receiver. It lets me express my appreciation to that person. |
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Veteran
Posts: 234
| I have thought about this a little bit more. . If someone opens a door for you or does something for you, you would say, "Thank you" so it would just be common courtesy to acknowlege it and the same goes for thank you note cards for gifts . |
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 Independent Cuss
Posts: 3978
Location: Dearing, GA | I haven't read the whole thread, but I recently advertised my truck for sale on Facebook. A friend told her friend, who in turn bought my truck. I mailed a thank you card to my friend who referred the buyer to me. I think it was the appropriate thing to do, however I would not expect one from someone my age (I'm 21). |
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Veteran
Posts: 234
| I have thought about this a little bit more. . If someone opens a door for you or does something for you, you would say, "Thank you" so it would just be common courtesy to acknowlege it and the same goes for thank you note cards for gifts . |
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Are "Thank You" notes a thing of the past?