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 Goin' on the Warpath
Posts: 1386
  
Location: IN | I've been on here before some may remember my siblings and me raising them.
Technically they're my aunts and uncle. My grandparents adopted 4 foster kids and I practically raised them for years. My grandpa and I now don't get along so I never get to see them he won't let me. Which he has custody. So yes it's his decision but it is heartbreaking to me. He's old and sick and they never get to have any kind of life. He only let's the oldest get her permit so she can tote him where he wants to go but won't let her do anything else. Which again his choice as a parent if that's what call it.
When I got married he got jealous and jus things went downhill and I try everything to not say anything in hope I'll see them.
The oldest that lives there is 16. Almost 17 in October. Is there anyway she can choose to come live with me now? I'm married have our own home and plenty of room. And she wants to go off to college after high school. But I've been in her shoes and was treated the same way! I just don't know what it would take.
Please no mean comments. And my grandpa never got involved with the kids lives until way after I had taken care of them for years because my grandma got sick and down and I was like the house slave. On my 16th birthday they left me home to babysit while they went to dinner. That's kind of how things worked there.
Then I thought they gave me a lot by buyin me a horse but now I see it was just another thing to hold over my head.
One of my favorite horses I had for 10 years and he "claimed" it and wouldn't let me take it and found it he was giving it to everyone else and wouldn't let me have it. By prayer and the grace of God she ended up back in my hands and he was blowing up my phone to get her and said he didn't know they were giving her to me and he wanted her and all that. There was no way she was going back. So I have her still thankfully. But that's how he is.
And no I'm not doing it to get back at him. I don't operate that way. He will get his. Without any help from me.
But my sister has been begging to be with me for years and never wanted to be there with him.
Help?
And yes she has one year till she's 18... By she has 3 years of highschool left and every single year counts!
And every year of our childhood counts! You never get it back! |
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 I'm Cooler Offline
Posts: 6387
Location: Pacific Northwest | No advice, but my girlfriend's mom is the same way to her younger sisters. Literally doesn't let them do anything, ever, and feels like all of her children "owe" her something. The older one, 14, wants to live in Oregon with her aunt and uncle, which for right now the mom is allowing her to stay there for a month (which is shocking), but legally if the mom wanted the daughter back I think she would have to come back.
I also have a friend though that was legally emancipated from her parents at the age of like 16. That could be an option. |
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  Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
 
Location: Florida.. | truthfully I think this is a private matter and should be discussed with a lawyer not here..imho just my opinion |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 794
| Bibliafarm - 2014-07-25 8:27 PM
truthfully I think this is a private matter and should be discussed with a lawyer not here..imho just my opinion
Are you kidding. How much personal stuff has been discussed on here. All she is needing is a friend and she did as for no negative comments. |
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Goin' on the Warpath
Posts: 1386
Location: IN | I really just want to know if someone has personally went through something similar or know someone. I don't want to be battling it out in court till she's 18. She wants to live with me!
It's not that I want her here and will let her go wild. Because that's far from it. But she deserves a childhood. They took mine from me and I don't want to see theirs all the way taken!
I posted here because there's a bunch of knowledgable people. And maybe to see if anyone knows what I'm up against.
I can't stand people who think they are always owed something. That's how my grandpa is. And when you don't give It then he tells lies about you and tells everyone you stole random stuff from him. It's awful. He's shoved everyone away. But I don't want my sister to have to live being trapped! |
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 Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | I have to agree with Bibs to a point.....you can't get the answers you need from here....Every state has different laws concerning adoption, emancipation, fostering, etc, etc, etc.........You can make an appointment to talk to a lawyer (usually the first session is free) to see what your options are for your STATE! Good Luck! |
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 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| Sounds awkward, horrible, and very strange. However, we should all handle the cards we are dealt ourselves if we are physically and mentally available to do so. Maybe your sibling needs to stay right where she is in order to really understand why she needs to throw herself into overdrive at school and at work to distance herself from a weird situation.
Be supportive and strive to set an example of strength, independence, and "this is how you do it". Almost 17 comes with responsibility to self as a cognitive human being, and she'll have been watching you.
Sounds like the weird horse deals are just that-weird horse deals. There's lots of horses out there, I'd never lose tears over something I didn't pay for myself and know that I have every single legal right to. I'd advise you to stop picking feuds and wasting negative energy over someone else's property. Unless you have the paperwork in your name, with a bill of sale, he's probably being nice by only blowing up your phone.
The thing about grandparents, is that they have a tendency to pass away before you can make things right with them. Some family relationships are sounder and more loving and more understanding than others, but grandparents should always be respected. Granted, sometimes avoided, but ALWAYS respected. It's the nature of the grandparent beast. My advice is to seek a healing of your relationship with your family. You are young, married, and you and your union doesn't need the drama and hatred it sounds like you bring onto yourself. You can probably have more influence and more positive dealings with and for your siblings if you are in better standing with your grandfather.
I hope you can find it in yourself to be the stronger person, just for yourself. You can't be a good support system for confused teenagers if you have too much drama and negative emotion towards your own blood. What sort of example is that? |
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Goin' on the Warpath
Posts: 1386
Location: IN | classicpotatochip - 2014-07-26 11:33 AM
Sounds awkward, horrible, and very strange. However, we should all handle the cards we are dealt ourselves if we are physically and mentally available to do so. Maybe your sibling needs to stay right where she is in order to really understand why she needs to throw herself into overdrive at school and at work to distance herself from a weird situation.
Be supportive and strive to set an example of strength, independence, and "this is how you do it". Almost 17 comes with responsibility to self as a cognitive human being, and she'll have been watching you.
Sounds like the weird horse deals are just that-weird horse deals. There's lots of horses out there, I'd never lose tears over something I didn't pay for myself and know that I have every single legal right to. I'd advise you to stop picking feuds and wasting negative energy over someone else's property. Unless you have the paperwork in your name, with a bill of sale, he's probably being nice by only blowing up your phone.
The thing about grandparents, is that they have a tendency to pass away before you can make things right with them. Some family relationships are sounder and more loving and more understanding than others, but grandparents should always be respected. Granted, sometimes avoided, but ALWAYS respected. It's the nature of the grandparent beast. My advice is to seek a healing of your relationship with your family. You are young, married, and you and your union doesn't need the drama and hatred it sounds like you bring onto yourself. You can probably have more influence and more positive dealings with and for your siblings if you are in better standing with your grandfather.
I hope you can find it in yourself to be the stronger person, just for yourself. You can't be a good support system for confused teenagers if you have too much drama and negative emotion towards your own blood. What sort of example is that?
I have been in her shoes. They made my life awful. Self centered and all about what you can do for them and screw you if you can't. And then proceeds to act like a God Fearing man. I will not be around it. I've cut ties. And will not be around him.
When you fear that someone will always accuse you of stealing who knows what and making up lies and rumors about you every time you say hi.... You stay away. Some people think everyone is out to get them. And he's one of them.
I think he's loosing his mind so I try to let it go but the best is to stay away. But I want to see my sisters. I practically raised them for years and years. She never wanted to be with him. The oldest has always wanted to be with me because I was her "mother figure." I was the one who went to parent teacher conferences, field trips, made sure they had dinner, and clean clothes, and clean rooms. I took care of them all. So we have a good relationship. Now I'm not allowed to see them because he's "mad" at me for who knows what. He just makes up stories.
And as for the horse... He doesn't have a bill of sale either. He gave her to someone who knew she was mine to begin with. He did it behind my back and they gave her back to me when they knew I wanted her. So who knows what he told them. And I worked my tail off for that horse. I made that horse into everything she is. And she's not going anywhere. I'm sure everyone feels that way about their "family." Which she is. And he give her away to spite me. Not someone I want in my life. I won't be sad when he's gone. I just won't.
Id love to be around. But I'm not putting my heart at jeaporady to someone who purposely try's to hurt your feelings. I have never disrespected him as he has me. But I will not be walked on. I don't feel the least bit bad for wanting nothing to do with him. Blood is nothing to me. Never has been. Family is the ones who are there for you. I don't cause drama or even do anything at that. He's the one who's calling trying to start stuff and saying everything I ignore calls and don't even listen to voicemails. I delete everything. I don't deal with it or feed it. Or inflict it. Some people just love it themselves. |
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Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | had it wrote out it didn't post.I am friends with her on fb and hope she realizes it wasn't being rude. These type of adoption..unfit GPA. Etc etc situations are not smart to discuss on public forum. If she did indeed pursue it Google can work against her. That is why I said private. She should know it was to help her .she's a younger adult and might not realize the seriousness of it hope she gets it done. But putting it and discussing it on here could jeapodize a case. So before you assume I was being hateful why not ask.good grief |
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Goin' on the Warpath
Posts: 1386
Location: IN | Bibliafarm - 2014-07-26 2:35 PM
had it wrote out it didn't post.I am friends with her on fb and hope she realizes it wasn't being rude. These type of adoption..unfit GPA. Etc etc situations are not smart to discuss on public forum. If she did indeed pursue it Google can work against her. That is why I said private. She should know it was to help her .she's a younger adult and might not realize the seriousness of it hope she gets it done. But putting it and discussing it on here could jeapodize a case. So before you assume I was being hateful why not ask.good grief
I didn't take you as hateful! You're one of my favorites?? |
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Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | Ok good. I feel the sane thanks girlie |
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 Works Hard For The Money
Posts: 4469
Location: Memphis, TN | I don't have this exact experience but we are 1 1/2 years and $8000 into a step parent adoption with my son. It's an expensive and long process. It seems like there is a 30 day wait for every step and form to file. It was emotionally draining going to trial. We are currently in the 30 day appeal window before it can be finalized. My recommendation if you expect there to be any fight against the adoption then I would not do it. Chances are she will be 18 before it is all completed anyways. As suggested an emancipation may be easier. No matter what a lawyer consult is the best option to start. Do your research on lawyers. We got the best we possibly could and it paid off. Our opposing lawyer was a complete joke. Our first consult was free. |
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Adoption and living arrangements