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Location: ohio-in my own little world with pretty ponies :) | So dumb? Is that mean?
Ok, I'm 20 so I am "one of those young people" BUT I don't act like anyone my age. That's why I only have 1 friend my age and she is the complete opposite of me and is "one of those young people"
Anyways....I see all over fb and in life them doing drugs and partying and dating BAD people! It drives me insane! Do you have nothing to live for? Do you not have any hobbies or interests? Does that guy that hits you/buys drugs for you/or whatever seem like someone you would have children with?!?!
What brought this on I guess is my SO's cousin. She's a year younger and I'm pretty close with her. Well, she had a baby at 16. She started dating a new(way older guy last year. She's 18 now. They lives together and she left bc he was controlling. Decided to go back and then just 2 weeks ago left again and filed charges bc he BEAT THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF HER! Bruises from head to toe and she admitted he has pushed her child down. And then last night she posts a picture with him and says he's the love of her life and he's so amazing and stuff.....what goes on in people's minds?!?! Her family tries to talk to her and stuff but she doesn't care or listen. |
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 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| Believe me. Good, solid, seemingly stable adults are just as guilty. |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | classicpotatochip - 2014-08-01 8:45 AM Believe me. Good, solid, seemingly stable adults are just as guilty.
Yup!
High school never ends.... |
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 Expert
Posts: 2457
| Whew ... I don't know either. My BFF from college went through something similar. I stepped in when she showed up to class with unexplainable bruises - I asked her to move in with me. We literally took a stock trailer and 4 of my very close guy friends and moved her out ... all the while, her SO at the time sat in a lawn chair berating us and throwing beer cans at us. Many years later, she has spoken openly about how she felt trapped and that he was her only option in life, she felt at the time that she had nowhere to go and no one she could rely on - which was TOTAL BS as her family and I spoke to her about it often and moved her out of the situation.
I think the desire for something better has to be there, ya know? And the desire to stand on your own two feet and be something - maybe not just desire but to actually DO it and not be afraid of failing? A very good mentor in my life said it best - you have to love yourself and value yourself before anyone else will.
I'm incredibly thankful that I have a wonderful family that taught me early on to be a strong independant woman. They instilled a work ethic and faith in God, which are two thing I attribute to never settling for anything.
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Expert
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Location: ohio-in my own little world with pretty ponies :) | lindseylou2290 - 2014-08-01 9:46 AM
Whew ... I don't know either. My BFF from college went through something similar. I stepped in when she showed up to class with unexplainable bruises - I asked her to move in with me. We literally took a stock trailer and 4 of my very close guy friends and moved her out ... all the while, her SO at the time sat in a lawn chair berating us and throwing beer cans at us. Many years later, she has spoken openly about how she felt trapped and that he was her only option in life, she felt at the time that she had nowhere to go and no one she could rely on - which was TOTAL BS as her family and I spoke to her about it often and moved her out of the situation.
I think the desire for something better has to be there, ya know? And the desire to stand on your own two feet and be something - maybe not just desire but to actually DO it and not be afraid of failing? A very good mentor in my life said it best - you have to love yourself and value yourself before anyone else will.
I'm incredibly thankful that I have a wonderful family that taught me early on to be a strong independant woman. They instilled a work ethic and faith in God, which are two thing I attribute to never settling for anything.
She has a place to go at her moms and she knows it. She's afraid to be alone with out a boyfriend....this guy was also in the army and claims he has been to war and crap and he hasn't. My SO used to be friends with him and I know his ex wife...he says his issues are from PTSD? A load of crap!
How can you have your 2 year old little boy around this garbage?!?!
I came from a home where my mom isn't independent. Relies on my dad for everything. All that. I've never been like that. I'm independent and I do things myself. If my SO and I decided to break it off I would be upset...I would not be out looking for a new guy the next day bc I can't be alone. There is so much better out there and she is so pretty and awesome and he tears her down |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 425
Location: GA | I don't understand it either. I feel like nobody stands up for themselves these days or wants to work for anything. I'm 21 and my SO is 24. We both have decent jobs, our own house, and pay our own bills.
But like Lindsey said, some women get trapped into these relationships where they feel like they're not good enough for anything else - especially if that's all her A-Hole boy has been telling her. And many of these so called "men" threaten these women's families. It's something that is very hard to understand if you've never been there. I never have, but I know someone who has.
It's a very hard, frustrating feeling but unfortunately there's not much you can do. If she needs help, you can always be there but it's hard to step in or give advice to a woman in a situation like that. |
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 Midget Lover
 
Location: Kentucky | I just ignore it. I flushed my FB of all the POS's. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 425
Location: GA | Murphy - 2014-08-01 9:54 AM I just ignore it. I flushed my FB of all the POS's. Agreed. Facebook causes too much unneccessary drama.
ETA: Not saying this is unneccessary but there's not much you can do. You can't change her mind. Seeing these posts from her will just bother you more..
Edited by kgraham38 2014-08-01 8:59 AM
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Posts: 1432
Location: Never in one place long | Honestly... I think a lot of it comes from girls growing up without a strong male role model in their life (Dad). They just want attention and SOMEONE to love them, they aren't taught they are better than that and they don't know what it really means to respect and love someone. It's truly heartbreaking. |
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Location: Idaho | Its not just young people. It happens even when people are adults. A big difference today is social media. You see their dirty laundry daily because they want the attention. (That , i feel is this generation more than any other) i was in a relationship that wasnt abusive but he did maintain some control over me without me knowing it. He was a cheater but when id confront him about things id heard, he had a way of sounding so sincere and innocent. How could i not believe him? But i was young and didnt think people could or would be that deceiving.Then I literally caught him in a lie. I knew the truth and he didnt know i knew. I confronted him giving him the opportunity to come clean and all i got was lies. I broke up with him, which was still hard for me to do. I wanted to go back so bad even though i knew it was a bad relationship. However, im glad it happened. Because that guy gave me one of the best skills! I now can feel when a person is a bad person. Mostly guys. When i meet someone I can generally feel something either i like them or I dont. And when i dont like them for no outwardly obvious reason, I know here is something about them that is bad. And so far my feelings have been right on the money! Ill tell my husband, you know for some reason, I really dont like So and So, and he will defend him... Oh he is a good guy... and down the road we find out he is a cheater, controller, liar, abuser, or something like that. No better feeling than your husband saying, you know... you were right about that guy!
Long story longer! :) People need to be needed. And if a person isnt confident in themselves or has been made to believe they arent capable living without certain things/people, that is powerful. Its like a drug addiction. You can live without it but you dont think you can. Whoever controls you mind is in charge.
Edited by TSlashO 2014-08-01 9:12 AM
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| I am hearing two different issues,
First your Facebook friends, I am not friends with anyone who would post things that would be inappropriate for my boss, or my mother to see.
The second the abusive relationship. The physical abuse heals, it is the emotional, and financial abuse that keeps people in the situation. It is a very hard circle to get out of.
PTSD is a real diagnosis, it should not be a crutch, but again it comes down to coping mechanismsand support systems. It sounds like both need to go to counselling separately. |
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 Cute Little Imp
Posts: 2747
Location: N Texas | classicpotatochip - 2014-08-01 8:45 AM
Believe me. Good, solid, seemingly stable adults are just as guilty.
Exactly! Some people never grow up! |
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Expert
Posts: 2457
| lexyy12 - 2014-08-01 8:53 AM lindseylou2290 - 2014-08-01 9:46 AM Whew ... I don't know either. My BFF from college went through something similar. I stepped in when she showed up to class with unexplainable bruises - I asked her to move in with me. We literally took a stock trailer and 4 of my very close guy friends and moved her out ... all the while, her SO at the time sat in a lawn chair berating us and throwing beer cans at us. Many years later, she has spoken openly about how she felt trapped and that he was her only option in life, she felt at the time that she had nowhere to go and no one she could rely on - which was TOTAL BS as her family and I spoke to her about it often and moved her out of the situation. I think the desire for something better has to be there, ya know? And the desire to stand on your own two feet and be something - maybe not just desire but to actually DO it and not be afraid of failing? A very good mentor in my life said it best - you have to love yourself and value yourself before anyone else will. I'm incredibly thankful that I have a wonderful family that taught me early on to be a strong independant woman. They instilled a work ethic and faith in God, which are two thing I attribute to never settling for anything. She has a place to go at her moms and she knows it. She's afraid to be alone with out a boyfriend....this guy was also in the army and claims he has been to war and crap and he hasn't. My SO used to be friends with him and I know his ex wife...he says his issues are from PTSD? A load of crap! How can you have your 2 year old little boy around this garbage?!?! I came from a home where my mom isn't independent. Relies on my dad for everything. All that. I've never been like that. I'm independent and I do things myself. If my SO and I decided to break it off I would be upset...I would not be out looking for a new guy the next day bc I can't be alone. There is so much better out there and she is so pretty and awesome and he tears her down
You just hit the reasons on the head right there Lexy - She's afraid to be alone. That is real emotion and can cripple people in a heart beat.
You are independent and can do things on your own. Totally different frames of mind.
I agree with other posters about social media. People seeking attention are gonna air their laundry on facebook. Thus people will pay more attention to them! Tada ... the cycle keeps going! Being that I was in college when Facebook started ... the attention seekers will always do this and the people who have real lives outside of facebook don't. They would rather talk in person to someone about it and don't want everyone to know their business.
I'd do some removing of people from your facebook - it really is ok to do this ...  |
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Expert
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Location: ohio-in my own little world with pretty ponies :) | She has already deleted me because I put my opinion out there. She deleted everyone else that did same. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 814
Location: California | You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. I have learned this after trying several times to help friends when they were in bad situations or in need.
I am 25, married, a home owner, have a great job, can afford nice things, etc...I look at people that are my age and I can honestly say, that I am one of the few "successful" ones. You know why?? OUR GENERATION FEELS ENTITLED TO EVERYTHING. THEY DON'T WANT TO WORK FOR ANYTHING. THEY ARE LAZY. THEY DON'T HAVE THE DRIVE TO BE SUCCESSFUL.
That's a little off topic from the issue with your friend, but she is in that cycle with the crappy boyfriend because she doesn't have any DRIVE to make herself the best possible person that she can be. She's the only one who can decide to make her's and her childs life better. Nobody will be able to force her to do anything. That's why I say that you can't help anybody that doesn't want to be helped. Tough love. |
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 Dancing in my Mind
Posts: 3062
Location: Eastern OH but my heart is in WV | I have to stand up for the millions of young kids that are great kids/ young people. I just returned an hour ago from a mission trip. Of the 35 people at our camp, 21 of them were teenagers under the age of 19. What a great group of teens! Hard workers and kind people. There are lots of great young people out there but they are not on fb or other social medias causing the drama because they have more important things to do!!!!! |
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I Really Love Jeans
Posts: 3173
Location: North Dakota | It starts at home! Good parents make great kids! |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | Guess I was one of those stupid young people......I got pregnant at 20, and was with the man up until a year ago. He would beat the living crap out of me, and told me if I ever left him he would kill me.
I felt forced to stay with him, because I had nowhere else to go, I was foolish.
Sometimes you have to learn a lesson, before reality really takes holds of the reins and tells you where you need to be for the future. |
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  Twin Sister to Queen Boobie
Posts: 13315
Location: East Tennessee but who knows?! | IMO, people are dumb because they've had too easy.
Think about it... in the normal city/suburban world everything is easy and quick. People don't have to struggle to do anything any more, and most don't do without anything of real necessity.
Struggle and hard times uses the thinking part of the brain. There's no reason to get creative or figure something out if everything easy.
Edited by Fairweather 2014-08-01 5:38 PM
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 I don't pay very good attention!
Posts: 6615
Location: The line between sanity & insanity in Oklahoma |
If I knew the answer I could have saved my sister..
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 I Prefer to Live in Fantasy Land
Posts: 64864
Location: In the Hills of Texas | How about all the adults going back to live with Mommy and Daddy?? LOL |
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 Total Germophobe
Posts: 6443
Location: Montana | lexyy12 - 2014-08-01 7:53 AM lindseylou2290 - 2014-08-01 9:46 AM Whew ... I don't know either. My BFF from college went through something similar. I stepped in when she showed up to class with unexplainable bruises - I asked her to move in with me. We literally took a stock trailer and 4 of my very close guy friends and moved her out ... all the while, her SO at the time sat in a lawn chair berating us and throwing beer cans at us. Many years later, she has spoken openly about how she felt trapped and that he was her only option in life, she felt at the time that she had nowhere to go and no one she could rely on - which was TOTAL BS as her family and I spoke to her about it often and moved her out of the situation. I think the desire for something better has to be there, ya know? And the desire to stand on your own two feet and be something - maybe not just desire but to actually DO it and not be afraid of failing? A very good mentor in my life said it best - you have to love yourself and value yourself before anyone else will. I'm incredibly thankful that I have a wonderful family that taught me early on to be a strong independant woman. They instilled a work ethic and faith in God, which are two thing I attribute to never settling for anything. She has a place to go at her moms and she knows it. She's afraid to be alone with out a boyfriend....this guy was also in the army and claims he has been to war and crap and he hasn't. My SO used to be friends with him and I know his ex wife...he says his issues are from PTSD? A load of crap! How can you have your 2 year old little boy around this garbage?!?! I came from a home where my mom isn't independent. Relies on my dad for everything. All that. I've never been like that. I'm independent and I do things myself. If my SO and I decided to break it off I would be upset...I would not be out looking for a new guy the next day bc I can't be alone. There is so much better out there and she is so pretty and awesome and he tears her down
She needs to realize that she doesn't need a boyfriend to make her whole...no one can make her whole but God. That she doesn't need a relationship. She needs to know that there is that right guy out there for her, if she would just settle down, live her life, and wait for him to come along. I feel sorry for her because I know what it feels like when you want that relationship to work out...you want to feel secure and wanted a loved. But then later you look back and wonder what you were ever doing with that guy in the first place. But I especially feel sorry for her child as he has no choice in this. And if the man is treating her child like that at this point, I can only imagine how things can get worse. When it comes to the little 2 year old, we have wondered for a long time how someone could have a child around that type of influence. If you ever Google Great Falls, MT for child abuse deaths, I can think of 3 deaths in the last 5 years. And it was pretty much the same situation each time...a girl got pregant (either married or not), then someone she is having a relationship with other than the father of the child abuses the child to the point of death. I'm not saying every situation is the same, it just happens to be what happened around here. It is very sad and unfortunately quite prominent here.
Prayers that things get better. 
Edited by mtcanchazer 2014-08-01 10:43 PM
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10D Crack Champion
| It is about values, standards, self worth, insecurities, life experiences, expectations, etc. Some don't feel there is anything better out there. They may have grown up with a slew up people around them that aren't top notch. Some feel that this is the best life they can live. It has to do with social circle too. In reality the good men and women out there are slim pickens in some areas.
Some people can't stand to be alone. Therefore, they would rather be with a mediocre person than be alone. Also if they are alone by choice, people start to question them and think they are weirdos. In so many areas of the country people expect a person to be attached to someone. Single folks get embarrassed being single. How many people out there can go to a restaurant and eat alone? Not many could. That is just an example, but going to a gathering of friends, a party, whatever.
It is also very difficult to live on your own financially as a single person talking care of all responsibilities. Some people will take on a bf/gf/husband/wife just to help lighten the load financially or otherwise. Many say oh you can make it happen and it can be done. However, there was a time when people went straight from their parents home to a home shared with a spouse. Even if they lived on one income, it was not living alone and there were specific roles in that. A single person living alone takes on all those roles. Some will take on a mediocre person just to help split a few bills because they feel overwhelmed trying to make it on their own.
The biggest reason young people make these choices now is because it is considered acceptable behavior. No one has a line drawn for acceptable behavior anymore. I think about many years ago being almost mowed over by a kid on a scooter at a barrel race. That kid is probably old enough to have children by now. I can only imagine what he would allow his child to do in public. It's a cycle.
Sorry I got off topic a bit. LOL
Edited by sodapop 2014-08-01 8:30 PM
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Expert
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Location: ohio-in my own little world with pretty ponies :) | doublezerogranny - 2014-08-01 6:41 PM
If I knew the answer I could have saved my sister..
I'm so sorry! This is our fear. She keeps getting out but just goes right back to it. She never has any money bc she pays for everything. Apparently he can't work bc of "his disorder" or whatever. Luckily, her son isn't around him much as she works a lot so he is with his dad or her mom most of the time. He is never alone with him thank god. But still. How could you be with someone you can't trust with your child? That's the most precious thing you could ever have and you put it in danger. So frustrating. |
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10D Crack Champion
| Nevertooold - 2014-08-01 5:43 PM How about all the adults going back to live with Mommy and Daddy?? LOL Although people don't laugh or look down on adults whose parents give them some land, a down payment to build a house, a job in the family business, co-sign a home/car/land loan, etc. It's still substantial help in one way or another. If they've got the ability to do it and they want to do it then I would say good for them. Many parents likely had some kind of assistance from their parents starting out as well. Very few people have what they have without help from someone.
Edited by sodapop 2014-08-01 8:40 PM
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I Prefer to Live in Fantasy Land
Posts: 64864
Location: In the Hills of Texas | sodapop - 2014-08-01 8:36 PM Nevertooold - 2014-08-01 5:43 PM How about all the adults going back to live with Mommy and Daddy?? LOL Although people don't laugh or look down on adults whose parents give them some land, a down payment to build a house, a job in the family business, co-sign a home/car/land loan, etc. It's still substantial help in one way or another. If they've got the ability to do it and they want to do it then I would say good for them. Many parents likely had some kind of assistance from their parents starting out as well. Very few people have what they have without help from someone.
I'm talking about the dead beat adults that prefer to smoke dope, drink and sit around while their parents take care of them. My husband has 2 guys he knows that their 40 year old kids have come home to live off of them. Sad. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 794
| I teach high school and last year had three girls get in to a fight one day in class( verbal not fist) when I got to the bottom of the problem they were all dating the same guy and didn't know it until that day. One of the girls had actually run away with the guy a few weeks before I thought she was sick was why she was out of school. Anyway the guy was 25 and the girls were all 16 he had beat all three up at one point or another and they all claimed they loved him. (I reported him to authorities and he is not serving time for rape x3) After we got the guy out of town I talked to all the girls in a group and they all said the same thing it made them feel Bad. They all came for very affluent families in our town and just wanted to be rebellious. I think this is a lot of the reason people act the way they do and make the choices they make. |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Nevertooold - 2014-08-01 8:48 PM sodapop - 2014-08-01 8:36 PM Nevertooold - 2014-08-01 5:43 PM How about all the adults going back to live with Mommy and Daddy?? LOL Although people don't laugh or look down on adults whose parents give them some land, a down payment to build a house, a job in the family business, co-sign a home/car/land loan, etc. It's still substantial help in one way or another. If they've got the ability to do it and they want to do it then I would say good for them. Many parents likely had some kind of assistance from their parents starting out as well. Very few people have what they have without help from someone.
Oh I know what your talking about, happens alot. |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | Southtxponygirl - 2014-08-02 10:52 AM Nevertooold - 2014-08-01 8:48 PM sodapop - 2014-08-01 8:36 PM Nevertooold - 2014-08-01 5:43 PM How about all the adults going back to live with Mommy and Daddy?? LOL Although people don't laugh or look down on adults whose parents give them some land, a down payment to build a house, a job in the family business, co-sign a home/car/land loan, etc. It's still substantial help in one way or another. If they've got the ability to do it and they want to do it then I would say good for them. Many parents likely had some kind of assistance from their parents starting out as well. Very few people have what they have without help from someone.
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | barrelracr131 - 2014-08-02 12:15 PM Southtxponygirl - 2014-08-02 10:52 AM Nevertooold - 2014-08-01 8:48 PM sodapop - 2014-08-01 8:36 PM Nevertooold - 2014-08-01 5:43 PM How about all the adults going back to live with Mommy and Daddy?? LOL Although people don't laugh or look down on adults whose parents give them some land, a down payment to build a house, a job in the family business, co-sign a home/car/land loan, etc. It's still substantial help in one way or another. If they've got the ability to do it and they want to do it then I would say good for them. Many parents likely had some kind of assistance from their parents starting out as well. Very few people have what they have without help from someone.
Ha ha ha ha ha,,, thats funny right there  |
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 Veteran
Posts: 253
Location: SoCal | I have a friend who got pregnant and ended up sticking with the guy, the baby is around 8 months now, and the guy is abusive, she'd known him for multiple years before they had started dating. I can't tell you how many times I've wished I didn't live 4 states away and had a place for her to stay, because I'd pick her up even if I had to drag her away. |
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Sock Snob
Posts: 3021
| It is not just young people, i have am older brother he is 67 years old he wife died about 2 years ago unexpectly had been married for a long long time no kids, there is a 49 year old lady right across the street, they met went out she has a failed neck surgery and ptsd from the workman com person, she has latched on and has a 16 year old daughter. He went from on relationship into another he is a very nice guy too nice she will take advantage of him. I knew after a couple of months she did some wierd things he called me about he felt life and she played up too it gave her a bad hand she is not the same person as her family, i think they are in it because he has a little money and if he is buying they dont mind at all. Those too just dont match and he really doesnot look happy, he just made his mind up that he is not going to be lonley. I lost my husband a year and half ago i havent dated yet it is not that i havent been asked but they are the guys i want to spend time with. I like myself and can go home and not be lonley. my husban was not the most touchy feely person, but 2 things he taught was how me as a women to take care of my self and how to make money, he did not teach me but i learned to be confident and know that i am very smart the kind with common sense. My younger brother can do algabra and or,trig, but i can by a car for 400.00 spend 200.00 and getting 1695.00 for,it.
Edited by daisycake123 2014-08-02 4:02 PM
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OT- why are young people