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| I don't want to have to be mean. So yesterday I was sitting in my office at work and a coworker came in. He usually does this at least two or three times a day to just ramble and then he goes on his way. He's a really nice guy and usually our conversations consist of him talking and me shaking my head or replies like, "oh wow" "that's neat", etc. Well.....yesterday he came in and proceeded to profess his love for me. I was so taken back that all I could do was sit there and stare at him. He went on about how the things I do drive him crazy, how he purposely walks to get glasses of water just to see if I'll notice him even when he has two full ones in his office already... he just went on and on. I'm Married!!! he asked if I wanted him to leave my office and I said yeah that would be good. Later that day he asked me if I was weirded(if that's even a word) out by what he told him and because I didn't want to completely smash his heart in the ground I told him it was fine but I'm married and children and it just wouldn't work and that i'm sorry if I ever gave the impression that I was into him, etc, etc. He then asked me if he would be someone I would date. I told him if I had met him years earlier, you just never know what could happen. Wrong thing to say!! Today he keeps following me around and coming in my office telling me how beautiful I am and i'm really getting major anxiety over this. I told him that we shouldn't bring it up anymore but I don't think he thinks im serious. I don't want to make work anymore awkward than it now is... I tried to sneak into my office this morning so he wouldn't hear me but I dropped my keys and then he was there! I feel like I've done something terrible, I mean I obviously gave the impression that I was into him, when all I was doing was being nice, and now I don't know what to say to get it across to him without being a complete bitch. I keep thinking that if I just ignore him maybe he'll get the hint but..... it's not working! ugh..... rant over I suppose. |
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  Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | I don't know what type of work environment you are in but I would certainly go to my Supervisor (or Human Resources) and tell them about his advances....nip it in the bud......ASAP! |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | You are being much too nice
id tell him to get bent. Somebody that doesn't respect my wishes and my marriage is not welcome to talk to me unless it relates to work. |
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 Popped
Posts: 20421
Location: LuluLand~along I64 Indiana | well sir... i am flattered but not interested in any relationship with you. if you continue to make inappropriate comments or jestures i will inform my supervisor and then my husband.... and fyi my husband has been to jail before and aint scared to go again....  |
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Red Bull Agressive
Posts: 5981
Location: North Dakota | Oh wow, now that's an awkward situation! I guess the simplest/most obvious solution is to be very clear and direct without being mean. Maybe decorate the office with a few extra pictures of your family ;). If he really keeps it up, couldn't that be classified as harassment? I have the opposite issue, I am generally completely ignored by men so I'm probably not too helpful. I was completely sucked in by your story though. Good luck! |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1079
| WOW!
This post should be titled "most interesting thing on BHW today" - you'd get a lot more activity because this is insane!
This guys sounds like a serious goober. Get mean, he needs it! |
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| I first off would inform your husband of this, so there are no surprises.
Secondly I would inform the individual that there is no attraction, and he needs to keep his thoughts to himself, only to come into your office if directly work related, if he cannot do this then HR will be involved.
If he doesn't keep his distance, I would inform HR, and go to the police and file a complaint, as this sounds like major potential stalker
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 Expert
Posts: 1304
| I've had the same problem and realized I was being too nice. It sucks to feel like you're hurting someone's feelings (because I personally hate doing it so much) but when it comes to this, he deserves it. He has no boundaries and if someone doesn't let him know what kind of freaky dickwad he's being, he could cross the line even more than he has!!! |
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Popped
Posts: 20421
Location: LuluLand~along I64 Indiana | star1218 - 2014-08-06 2:52 PM WOW!
This post should be titled "most interesting thing on BHW today" - you'd get a lot more activity because this is insane!
This guys sounds like a serious goober. Get mean, he needs it!
i vote this a close second to the butt blister thread...  |
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 Lady Di
Posts: 21556
Location: Oklahoma | I would look him straight in the eye, and say, "If you EVER talk to me again about anything other than work, I will press sexual harassment charges on you." Then I would go back to work and ignore him and if he appears and tries to talk to you about ANYTHING other than something pertaining to work that you and he are both involved in, I would call a lawyer. He sounds like a stalker. This is not something to take lightly. JMO |
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Blessed 
Location: Here | dianeguinn - 2014-08-06 1:57 PM I would look him straight in the eye, and say, "If you EVER talk to me again about anything other than work, I will press sexual harassment charges on you." Then I would go back to work and ignore him and if he appears and tries to talk to you about ANYTHING other than something pertaining to work that you and he are both involved in, I would call a lawyer. He sounds like a stalker. This is not something to take lightly. JMO
And tell your husband now |
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 Own It and Move On
Location: The edge of no where | dianeguinn - 2014-08-06 1:57 PM I would look him straight in the eye, and say, "If you EVER talk to me again about anything other than work, I will press sexual harassment charges on you." Then I would go back to work and ignore him and if he appears and tries to talk to you about ANYTHING other than something pertaining to work that you and he are both involved in, I would call a lawyer. He sounds like a stalker. This is not something to take lightly. JMO
Perfect advice. You've explained you're married, he's not being respectful of that. No more nice. |
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Expert
Posts: 1857
| blccwgl55 - 2014-08-06 1:53 PM
I've had the same problem and realized I was being too nice. It sucks to feel like you're hurting someone's feelings (because I personally hate doing it so much) but when it comes to this, he deserves it. He has no boundaries and if someone doesn't let him know what kind of freaky dickwad he's being, he could cross the line even more than he has!!!
This, this is my problem.... |
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 Ms. Marine
Posts: 4641
Location: Texas | Stop being nice. |
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Expert
Posts: 1857
| I just told him, not 5 minutes ago, that I am very sorry that he is attracted to a married women but I am married, happily with two children for over 10 years, and he is going to have to get over it because there is nothing that will, could, maybe happen. That i'm very sorry to sound mean and that I don't care about his feelings but things need to return back to normal. He said sorry and that one day he hopes that I can tell him the truth about how I feel about him..... awkward!!!!! (I don't understand this guy) He then gave me a hand shake and disappeared! Luckily I'll never have to be alone with this person but unfortunately I'm the only female in my office and I have told one other person and like my husband he thought it was funny and nothing to worry about.. Maybe being a female I look differently at things but I feel like this is something to worry about. |
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 Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | Crotch kick should fix your problem. |
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Expert
Posts: 1857
| LRQHS - 2014-08-06 2:28 PM
Crotch kick should fix your problem.
He'd probably think I was flirting with him!! |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | FlyingJT - 2014-08-06 2:29 PM LRQHS - 2014-08-06 2:28 PM Crotch kick should fix your problem. He'd probably think I was flirting with him!!
Then, you didn't kick hard enough. Try again lol. |
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 Expert
Posts: 2258
| dianeguinn - 2014-08-06 1:57 PM
I would look him straight in the eye, and say, "If you EVER talk to me again about anything other than work, I will press sexual harassment charges on you." Then I would go back to work and ignore him and if he appears and tries to talk to you about ANYTHING other than something pertaining to work that you and he are both involved in, I would call a lawyer. He sounds like a stalker. This is not something to take lightly. JMO
Get serious with him. I totally agree with this I had a slalker right out of high school and had to get tough to get him gone. Don't take that chance ! I joked about mine because I couldn't figure out why anybody would stalk me I am not that special . He broke into my house, dated my neighbor and made threats to my husband. He was eventually shot and killed by cops years later . So Iam wary of weirdos ! The guy is most likely harmless but needs to know his advances and comments are not welcome in any way. Not trying to be scary either just my story. |
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 Cute Little Imp
Posts: 2747
Location: N Texas | FlyingJT - 2014-08-06 2:24 PM I just told him, not 5 minutes ago, that I am very sorry that he is attracted to a married women but I am married, happily with two children for over 10 years, and he is going to have to get over it because there is nothing that will, could, maybe happen. That i'm very sorry to sound mean and that I don't care about his feelings but things need to return back to normal. He said sorry and that one day he hopes that I can tell him the truth about how I feel about him..... awkward!!!!! (I don't understand this guy) He then gave me a hand shake and disappeared! Luckily I'll never have to be alone with this person but unfortunately I'm the only female in my office and I have told one other person and like my husband he thought it was funny and nothing to worry about.. Maybe being a female I look differently at things but I feel like this is something to worry about.
Stop being sorry and apologizing to him! You are being way too nice. He knows you're married with children and he doesn't care...continuing to be nice will get you nowhere. I'm not saying you need to turn into a major B, but you need to be more firm. He's the kind of guy who doesn't know how to take "no" for an answer, and if he thinks there's even a sliver of hope, he's going to cling to it for dear life.
If he brings it up again, tell him "I've told you several times I'm married, and I need you to stop. If not, I will have no choice but to go to HR."
He's creating a hostile work environment for you and needs to know you're serious. |
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Expert
Posts: 1857
| cutnrunqhmt - 2014-08-06 2:35 PM
dianeguinn - 2014-08-06 1:57 PM
I would look him straight in the eye, and say, "If you EVER talk to me again about anything other than work, I will press sexual harassment charges on you." Then I would go back to work and ignore him and if he appears and tries to talk to you about ANYTHING other than something pertaining to work that you and he are both involved in, I would call a lawyer. He sounds like a stalker. This is not something to take lightly. JMO
Get serious with him. I totally agree with this I had a slalker right out of high school and had to get tough to get him gone. Don't take that chance ! I joked about mine because I couldn't figure out why anybody would stalk me I am not that special . He broke into my house, dated my neighbor and made threats to my husband. He was eventually shot and killed by cops years later . So Iam wary of weirdos ! The guy is most likely harmless but needs to know his advances and comments are not welcome in any way. Not trying to be scary either just my story.
Oh my goodness! I'm sorry that happened to you... I just end up feeling guilty, I think that's why I avoid being to direct with him. I think I will get more stern if this continues. It has been a whole hour without him showing up at my office so i'm hoping that my last comments to him he got the idea! |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | In his delusional mind...you keep saying..."I can't because I'm married"...what he needs to hear is "I don't like you...leave me alone" Don't make apologies. Don't leave room for interpretation.
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Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | FlyingJT - 2014-08-06 2:24 PM I just told him, not 5 minutes ago, that I am very sorry that he is attracted to a married women but I am married, happily with two children for over 10 years, and he is going to have to get over it because there is nothing that will, could, maybe happen. That i'm very sorry to sound mean and that I don't care about his feelings but things need to return back to normal. He said sorry and that one day he hopes that I can tell him the truth about how I feel about him..... awkward!!!!! (I don't understand this guy) He then gave me a hand shake and disappeared! Luckily I'll never have to be alone with this person but unfortunately I'm the only female in my office and I have told one other person and like my husband he thought it was funny and nothing to worry about.. Maybe being a female I look differently at things but I feel like this is something to worry about.
He is NOT going to "get" it....report him!!!! |
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 Horsey Gene Carrier
Posts: 1888
Location: LaBelle, Florida | Report it, and get nasty back at him.
He has crossed a line and if your company doesn't take care of it, report them.
Don't just let this go. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1079
| NJJ - 2014-08-06 3:07 PM FlyingJT - 2014-08-06 2:24 PM I just told him, not 5 minutes ago, that I am very sorry that he is attracted to a married women but I am married, happily with two children for over 10 years, and he is going to have to get over it because there is nothing that will, could, maybe happen. That i'm very sorry to sound mean and that I don't care about his feelings but things need to return back to normal. He said sorry and that one day he hopes that I can tell him the truth about how I feel about him..... awkward!!!!! (I don't understand this guy) He then gave me a hand shake and disappeared! Luckily I'll never have to be alone with this person but unfortunately I'm the only female in my office and I have told one other person and like my husband he thought it was funny and nothing to worry about.. Maybe being a female I look differently at things but I feel like this is something to worry about. He is NOT going to "get" it....report him!!!!
Yep - this went from creepy to psychotic real fast. I have the heebie jeebies from over here. I'd be pissed to have been put in this situation and you NEED to tell this guy off. And tell your supervisor, I think he should borderline lose his job over this. This is not normal behavior at all. |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| Trust me, I know it's hard! I still have a really hard time hurting people's feelings and rarely do. I'm the kind of person that says sorry too much, will do a lot to make someone happy, etc so I totally understand why you may feel bad! But seriously don't. He's a LOSER. Someone who doesn't respect a marriage is dirt and you need to remember that. You can be mean/bitchy to him because HE is DIRT. I'm not married but have been in a long term relationship with my SO and my first semester of college taught me to have a back bone. I led on people simply because I was being nice! Just like you! They'd get the wrong idea and when I saw that, that's when I'd be like um...no..NO. And because I was too nice and wasn't giving them a pretty much flat out f**k off, they didn't get it! The one was old enough to be my dad and I had to block him from my phone! As much as it sounds like it, I'm seriously not naïve but I hate hurting people's feelings and just couldn't stand up for myself. I finally had to and it worked. And it'll keep working. Keep doing it and it'll get easier every time. You might have to just straight up tell him to go screw himself or pick your nose while you know he's looking..do something gross to make him unattracted to you. Lol, jkin. Keep us posted, good luck!! |
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Expert
Posts: 2685
| Referring to the most recent post about his response to your telling him it's not going to happen it all needs to be reported to a supervisor. This sounds like it could turn into a kidnapping real quick. He sounds crazy and dangerous. Please keep in contact with someone going to & from work. Have a thing set up where you text someone or talk on the phone while going to and from your car and carry a weapon. Even a knife. I wouldn't put him nabbing you at the car past him. |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | How old is he? Is he cute? |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 929
| FlyingJT - 2014-08-06 12:24 PM
I just told him, not 5 minutes ago, that I am very sorry that he is attracted to a married women but I am married, happily with two children for over 10 years, and he is going to have to get over it because there is nothing that will, could, maybe happen. That i'm very sorry to sound mean and that I don't care about his feelings but things need to return back to normal. He said sorry and that one day he hopes that I can tell him the truth about how I feel about him..... awkward!!!!! (I don't understand this guy) He then gave me a hand shake and disappeared! Luckily I'll never have to be alone with this person but unfortunately I'm the only female in my office and I have told one other person and like my husband he thought it was funny and nothing to worry about.. Maybe being a female I look differently at things but I feel like this is something to worry about.
It IS something to worry about...and if no one in your office or your husband takes it seriously...I would be on my way to the gun store after work to get a CCW permit and/or a taser for my purse. (I have both, just in case.) it is NOT funny and you are right...if it makes you feel icky or uncomfortable, it is harassment in the eyes of the law. |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | I'm just asking disliker. |
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The Resident Destroyer of Liberal Logic
Location: PNW | dianeguinn - 2014-08-06 1:57 PM
I would look him straight in the eye, and say, "If you EVER talk to me again about anything other than work, I will press sexual harassment charges on you." Then I would go back to work and ignore him and if he appears and tries to talk to you about ANYTHING other than something pertaining to work that you and he are both involved in, I would call a lawyer. He sounds like a stalker. This is not something to take lightly. JMO
THIS. He sounds like a looney toon that could go real crazy in a hurry. And tell your husband ASAP.
If I were you, I'd just turn into the biggest biznitch in the world to this guy. No feelings even remotely spared. Lol |
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 That's White "Man" to You
Posts: 5515
| What is your name so that we might recognize you in the news reports? |
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Expert
Posts: 1857
| LRQHS - 2014-08-06 3:42 PM
How old is he? Is he cute?
haha, he's young, I think in late twenties. Should I send him your direction?? |
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The Resident Destroyer of Liberal Logic
Location: PNW | NJJ - 2014-08-06 3:07 PM
FlyingJT - 2014-08-06 2:24 PM I just told him, not 5 minutes ago, that I am very sorry that he is attracted to a married women but I am married, happily with two children for over 10 years, and he is going to have to get over it because there is nothing that will, could, maybe happen. That i'm very sorry to sound mean and that I don't care about his feelings but things need to return back to normal. He said sorry and that one day he hopes that I can tell him the truth about how I feel about him..... awkward!!!!! (I don't understand this guy) He then gave me a hand shake and disappeared! Luckily I'll never have to be alone with this person but unfortunately I'm the only female in my office and I have told one other person and like my husband he thought it was funny and nothing to worry about.. Maybe being a female I look differently at things but I feel like this is something to worry about.
He is NOT going to "get" it....report him!!!!
And that's when you start carrying to work. Text somebody when you get ready to leave your office, then call that same person as soon as you are safely in your car and on your way home - if there's more than 15 minutes between, your contact person should take action. Stalkers are NOT something to take lightly. They can go from a "sad crush that's not going anywhere" to "I'm going to tie you up in my basement until you love me" pretty quickly.
Also, if my husband acted like it was a joke... I'd be FUMING. He needs to watch more Dateline. Or maybe I need to watch less? Either way, take care of yourself, be smart, and BE SAFE. |
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Expert
Posts: 1857
| RodeoCowgirl4u - 2014-08-06 3:42 PM
FlyingJT - 2014-08-06 12:24 PM
I just told him, not 5 minutes ago, that I am very sorry that he is attracted to a married women but I am married, happily with two children for over 10 years, and he is going to have to get over it because there is nothing that will, could, maybe happen. That i'm very sorry to sound mean and that I don't care about his feelings but things need to return back to normal. He said sorry and that one day he hopes that I can tell him the truth about how I feel about him..... awkward!!!!! (I don't understand this guy) He then gave me a hand shake and disappeared! Luckily I'll never have to be alone with this person but unfortunately I'm the only female in my office and I have told one other person and like my husband he thought it was funny and nothing to worry about.. Maybe being a female I look differently at things but I feel like this is something to worry about.
It IS something to worry about...and if no one in your office or your husband takes it seriously...I would be on my way to the gun store after work to get a CCW permit and/or a taser for my purse. (I have both, just in case. ) it is NOT funny and you are right...if it makes you feel icky or uncomfortable, it is harassment in the eyes of the law.
I already carry, and no I didn't go get my ccw, I don't think I need a little piece of paper stating that I can protect myself. The unfortunate thing is that I have to leave it in my car and if they ever find out that it's in my car I would be terminated immediately. It's a weapon free campus. |
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 Ima Fickle Fan
Posts: 3547
Location: Texas | You do NOT have to be nice to someone who is disrespecting you, your marriage, and your children. It's called boundaries and he is crossing the line. I had a friend do this... He also happened to be the police chief on the campus I work at. He made it quite clear that if I ever wanted to have an affair and more, he would be willing. I tried to be nice. Figured out real quick, that does NOT work. Finally told him to lose my cell number, do NOT stop by my office, do NOT contact me, and unfriended him on FB so he couldn't keep tabs on me. I also deactivated a blog I was keeping.
Bottom line - You have to be mean. Think back to when you were younger. ANY time your crush was nice to you, that gave you hope. That is what you being nice or "normal" to him does. Anything other than being mean gives him hope. You need to tell your supervisor what has happened and you need to be mean. |
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 Expert
Posts: 4121
Location: SE Louisiana | Just tell him he needs two more legs, a mane and a tail before you would even consider it...  |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | FlyingJT - 2014-08-06 4:01 PM LRQHS - 2014-08-06 3:42 PM How old is he? Is he cute? haha, he's young, I think in late twenties. Should I send him your direction??
I'ma need a picture first.
Tell him that he is "lookin for love in all the wrong places." |
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Expert
Posts: 1857
| Whiteboy - 2014-08-06 3:57 PM
What is your name so that we might recognize you in the news reports?
Lets not think that way.... I'm sure he's just a little self centered, young, and dumb! |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1079
| FlyingJT - 2014-08-06 4:06 PM
Whiteboy - 2014-08-06 3:57 PM
What is your name so that we might recognize you in the news reports?
Lets not think that way.... I'm sure he's just a little self centered, young, and dumb!
ooof girl you are too nice. |
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Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | FlyingJT - 2014-08-06 4:06 PM Whiteboy - 2014-08-06 3:57 PM What is your name so that we might recognize you in the news reports? Lets not think that way.... I'm sure he's just a little self centered, young, and dumb!
Edited by NJJ 2014-08-06 4:31 PM
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Expert
Posts: 4121
Location: SE Louisiana | NJJ - 2014-08-06 4:19 PM
FlyingJT - 2014-08-06 4:06 PM Whiteboy - 2014-08-06 3:57 PM What is your name so that we might recognize you in the news reports? Lets not think that way.... I'm sure he's just a little self centered, young, and dumb!
Subtle??
Edited by komet. 2014-08-06 4:23 PM
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| One thing you shouldn't have done was shake his hand, you gave him physical contact.
From now on, if he comes into you office, call someone else in before you say anything.
Do not shake his hand, don't even smile at him, he is delusional and this just feeds his fantasy. |
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Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | komet. - 2014-08-06 4:21 PM NJJ - 2014-08-06 4:19 PM FlyingJT - 2014-08-06 4:06 PM Whiteboy - 2014-08-06 3:57 PM What is your name so that we might recognize you in the news reports? Lets not think that way.... I'm sure he's just a little self centered, young, and dumb! Subltle??
OK....more like blatant hints....... |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | Also, DO NOT FRIEND HIM ON FACEBOOK....no matter how many times he requests. |
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Expert
Posts: 1857
| LRQHS - 2014-08-06 4:24 PM
Also, DO NOT FRIEND HIM ON FACEBOOK....no matter how many times he requests.
That is one thing that I have NOT done. I told him I would never friend him on facebook! Plus he doesn't have my phone number so that's good! He also can't access employee files so he should never be able to find out where I live. I live 45 minutes from work so following me home would be obvious. |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | You know, you could start burping and farting anytime he comes near you....maybe, pick your nose too......eat a big can of pork and beans tonight. |
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 The Bling Princess
Posts: 3411
Location: North Dakota | STALKER STALKER STALKER!!! I'd be packin some heat and watching my back. I'd also report his sick a$$ to your HR department for harrassment! Definately not normal behavior. I'm pretty sure he knew you were married and have kids, even if you didn't tell him, co-workers just know details like that and for him to profess his love just screams sicko to me! Be careful! |
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 Ima Non Controversial Girl
Posts: 4168
Location: where the wind blows | LRQHS - 2014-08-06 3:29 PM You know, you could start burping and farting anytime he comes near you....maybe, pick your nose too......eat a big can of pork and beans tonight.
Your cracking me up with your comments today. OP - I like this advice. |
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Expert
Posts: 1857
| WYOTurn-n-Burn - 2014-08-06 4:31 PM
STALKER STALKER STALKER!!! I'd be packin some heat and watching my back. I'd also report his sick a$$ to your HR department for harrassment! Definately not normal behavior. I'm pretty sure he knew you were married and have kids, even if you didn't tell him, co-workers just know details like that and for him to profess his love just screams sicko to me! Be careful!
I was very taken back and all I could think about is..... dude you know I'm married..and.. how did I get myself into this mess! I'm nice to everyone and I don't have people professing their everlasting love for me daily or nothing! If he says one more thing out of line I'm going to have to take it to my boss, but I'm afraid that since their friends that my boss won't believe me. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 929
| FlyingJT - 2014-08-06 2:04 PM
RodeoCowgirl4u - 2014-08-06 3:42 PM
FlyingJT - 2014-08-06 12:24 PM
I just told him, not 5 minutes ago, that I am very sorry that he is attracted to a married women but I am married, happily with two children for over 10 years, and he is going to have to get over it because there is nothing that will, could, maybe happen. That i'm very sorry to sound mean and that I don't care about his feelings but things need to return back to normal. He said sorry and that one day he hopes that I can tell him the truth about how I feel about him..... awkward!!!!! (I don't understand this guy) He then gave me a hand shake and disappeared! Luckily I'll never have to be alone with this person but unfortunately I'm the only female in my office and I have told one other person and like my husband he thought it was funny and nothing to worry about.. Maybe being a female I look differently at things but I feel like this is something to worry about.
It IS something to worry about...and if no one in your office or your husband takes it seriously...I would be on my way to the gun store after work to get a CCW permit and/or a taser for my purse. (I have both, just in case. ) it is NOT funny and you are right...if it makes you feel icky or uncomfortable, it is harassment in the eyes of the law.
I already carry, and no I didn't go get my ccw, I don't think I need a little piece of paper stating that I can protect myself. The unfortunate thing is that I have to leave it in my car and if they ever find out that it's in my car I would be terminated immediately. It's a weapon free campus.
well here in hippy dippy CA...you do need a CCW. And here, even on a weapons free campus, if you show the permit (and the reason) yo can carry on that weapons free campus. I would say that you have a PERFECTLY valid reason. That is truly scary...and some weirdos will even think you are playing "hard to get" if you are just mean to them. You need to tell HR. If they do nothing, carry the weapon and if they fire you for havin it...sue them. Your concerns are well documented here on this forum if the company tries to hide that there was anything wrong other than you carrying to work. |
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| jkrm - 2014-08-06 4:36 PM
LRQHS - 2014-08-06 3:29 PM You know, you could start burping and farting anytime he comes near you....maybe, pick your nose too......eat a big can of pork and beans tonight.
Your cracking me up with your comments today. OP - I like this advice.
Don't encourage her......i'm not burping, farting, or picking my nose! |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | FlyingJT - 2014-08-06 4:44 PM jkrm - 2014-08-06 4:36 PM LRQHS - 2014-08-06 3:29 PM You know, you could start burping and farting anytime he comes near you....maybe, pick your nose too......eat a big can of pork and beans tonight. Your cracking me up with your comments today. OP - I like this advice. Don't encourage her......i'm not burping, farting, or picking my nose!
It's good advise and could work  Let's practice....
Wooooo weeeeeee, lordy!!! I shouldn't have eaten all them beans last night! |
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 The Bird Lady
Posts: 6440
Location: The end of the Earth, SE AR | You'd better file a sexual harrassment report with your supervisor. He could go crazy the other direction, get mad at you and tell your boss you are sexually harrassing him. Can't trust those wackos. |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | WOOOOOOO WEEEEEEEE! I'm so sorry! They don't know which end they want to come out today!!!
Edited by LRQHS 2014-08-08 11:16 AM
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| RodeoCowgirl4u - 2014-08-06 4:43 PM
FlyingJT - 2014-08-06 2:04 PM
RodeoCowgirl4u - 2014-08-06 3:42 PM
FlyingJT - 2014-08-06 12:24 PM
I just told him, not 5 minutes ago, that I am very sorry that he is attracted to a married women but I am married, happily with two children for over 10 years, and he is going to have to get over it because there is nothing that will, could, maybe happen. That i'm very sorry to sound mean and that I don't care about his feelings but things need to return back to normal. He said sorry and that one day he hopes that I can tell him the truth about how I feel about him..... awkward!!!!! (I don't understand this guy) He then gave me a hand shake and disappeared! Luckily I'll never have to be alone with this person but unfortunately I'm the only female in my office and I have told one other person and like my husband he thought it was funny and nothing to worry about.. Maybe being a female I look differently at things but I feel like this is something to worry about.
It IS something to worry about...and if no one in your office or your husband takes it seriously...I would be on my way to the gun store after work to get a CCW permit and/or a taser for my purse. (I have both, just in case. ) it is NOT funny and you are right...if it makes you feel icky or uncomfortable, it is harassment in the eyes of the law.
I already carry, and no I didn't go get my ccw, I don't think I need a little piece of paper stating that I can protect myself. The unfortunate thing is that I have to leave it in my car and if they ever find out that it's in my car I would be terminated immediately. It's a weapon free campus.
well here in hippy dippy CA...you do need a CCW. And here, even on a weapons free campus, if you show the permit (and the reason ) yo can carry on that weapons free campus. I would say that you have a PERFECTLY valid reason. That is truly scary...and some weirdos will even think you are playing "hard to get" if you are just mean to them. You need to tell HR. If they do nothing, carry the weapon and if they fire you for havin it...sue them. Your concerns are well documented here on this forum if the company tries to hide that there was anything wrong other than you carrying to work.
We don't really have an HR department. It goes, Athletic Director, Assistant Athletic Director, my boss, and then me, however me and my boss share the HR responsibilities. I don't know... I've got such bad anxiety today that I haven't eaten, my head hurts, and I've only processed half the AR. He hasn't bugged me since I talked to him earlier so I'm hoping that I said enough and he's not as creepy as everyone is telling me he is.... |
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| LRQHS - 2014-08-06 4:47 PM
WOOOOOOO WEEEEEEEE! I'm so sorry! They are don't know which end they want to come out today!!!
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | FlyingJT - 2014-08-06 4:49 PM LRQHS - 2014-08-06 4:47 PM WOOOOOOO WEEEEEEEE! I'm so sorry! They are don't know which end they want to come out today!!!
Ain't no body stalking me......just sayin..... |
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| LRQHS - 2014-08-06 4:50 PM
FlyingJT - 2014-08-06 4:49 PM LRQHS - 2014-08-06 4:47 PM WOOOOOOO WEEEEEEEE! I'm so sorry! They are don't know which end they want to come out today!!!
Can't argue with that...Pork & Beans it is!!! |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | FlyingJT - 2014-08-06 4:56 PM LRQHS - 2014-08-06 4:50 PM FlyingJT - 2014-08-06 4:49 PM LRQHS - 2014-08-06 4:47 PM WOOOOOOO WEEEEEEEE! I'm so sorry! They are don't know which end they want to come out today!!! Can't argue with that...Pork & Beans it is!!!
Glad I could help :) |
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The Bling Princess
Posts: 3411
Location: North Dakota | FlyingJT - 2014-08-06 4:43 PM WYOTurn-n-Burn - 2014-08-06 4:31 PM STALKER STALKER STALKER!!! I'd be packin some heat and watching my back. I'd also report his sick a$$ to your HR department for harrassment! Definately not normal behavior. I'm pretty sure he knew you were married and have kids, even if you didn't tell him, co-workers just know details like that and for him to profess his love just screams sicko to me! Be careful! I was very taken back and all I could think about is..... dude you know I'm married..and.. how did I get myself into this mess! I'm nice to everyone and I don't have people professing their everlasting love for me daily or nothing! If he says one more thing out of line I'm going to have to take it to my boss, but I'm afraid that since their friends that my boss won't believe me.
I can only imagine how taken aback you were! That's pretty dang weird behavior on his part. Late 20s and he's walking back and forth to the water cooler trying to get you to notice him. WTHeck are we 12 here? That sort of behavior make me think he is a can short of a 6 pack. Also, you did not get yourself into anything, you were just being nice and there is nothing wrong with being nice. HE is the one crossing the line, not you. Don't wait to tell your boss, you need to tell them right away. If they are friends go above your boss' head and tell his manager. Explain to them that you felt it would have been a conflict of interest with them being friends. Stay safe! |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | This guy sounds really creepy and could trun out to be a stalker, I woul go to boss and give him/her a heads up about this, and yes I agree on telling hubby and let him in on this. Carefull girl... |
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 Chatty Kathy
Posts: 6635
Location: In Ky following Barrel Races & Walker hounds. | Do this next time hes around, should fix it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8QNozpMn40 |
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The Resident Destroyer of Liberal Logic
Location: PNW | Sounds like you work at a school of some sort? Tell the AD, and the Superintendent. |
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Posts: 1857
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Oh my goodness! That's the nastiest thing I've ever seen! Hahahahaha! She can't be serious, she sniffed her fingers! Eeww!!! |
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Expert
Posts: 4121
Location: SE Louisiana |
We're trying to shoo him away.. Not turn him on... |
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 Expert
Posts: 1482
Location: on my horse | This post brings up very bad memories of a similar problem I had. what he told you was almost verbatim what my stalker told me about admitting my true feelings. All I have to say is report this right now to the higher ups, all of them ASAP and if they don't take it seriously keep going up the ladder, take some time off work if you have to until you get someone to take this seriously.
DO NOT TAKE THIS LIGHTLY
Get a no contact order served on him if you can, repeated unwanted advances should be grounds enough for that and maybe that will put some fear into him.
If he feels an opportunity he can and will hurt you.
I know this all sounds harsh but it is the cold hard truth, speaking as a former victim of stalking take control of this situation now.
Edited by redmansmyman11 2014-08-06 7:08 PM
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 330
| "He said sorry and that one day he hopes that I can tell him the truth about how I feel about him"
OP, he obviously doesn't get what you mean. If he did, he wouldn't still be saying that you'll change your mind later.
I highly suggest you read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker. In The Gift of Fear, de Becker draws on his extensive expertise to explode the myth that most violent acts are random and unpredictable and shows that they usually have discernible motives and are preceded by clear warning signs. Through dozens of compelling stories from his own career and life, he unravels the complexities of violent behavior and details the pre-incident indicators (PINs) that can determine if someone poses a danger to us. Readers learn how to:
•Recognize the survival signals that warn us about risk from strangers
•Rely on their intuition
•Separate real from imagined danger
•Predict Dangerous Behavior
•Evaluate whether someone will use violence
•Move beyond denial so that their intuition works for them
Offering in-depth solutions to people who are dealing with domestic abuse or workplace violence or who are the targets of unwanted pursuit, de Becker also provides unique insight into death threats, stalkers, assassins, children who kill, and mass killers. After reading The Gift of Fear, individuals will be able to confidently answer life’s highest-stakes questions:
•Will the employee I must fire react violently?
•How should I handle the person who refuses to let go?
•What is the best way to respond to threats?
•What are the dangers posed by strangers?
•How can I help my loved ones be safer?
The Gift of Fear is an important book about human behavior, one which has left millions of readers stronger and safer.
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | This, ps there are swears
but it works
http://youtu.be/8wRXa971Xw0 |
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Veteran
Posts: 238
| RE: HR department. If you work for a school's athletic department, you do have an HR department. Who cuts your paycheck? That's all done through your HR person. THAT is who you go to. They are there for YOUR protection.
They need to know that there is a situation. |
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 Roan Wonder
Location: SW MO | Has he ever seen your husband maybe you need him to come to work one day. Most men are terrified of my husband. I don't know why they all think he one person you wouldn't want to make mad |
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Cute Little Imp
Posts: 2747
Location: N Texas |
Ha! Greatness. |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| Lmao, I'm rolling |
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| How is today going? |
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Expert
Posts: 1857
| cheryl makofka - 2014-08-07 11:24 AM
How is today going?
Well, I'm alive! He hasn't said anything to me but I still notice him walking by my office and staring. I didn't say anything to my boss but I did over hear him ask why he was always hanging around. I think maybe he notices. It's lunch time and he left so I'm going to make my run to the restroom and kitchen and make it back to my office before he gets back. |
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| FlyingJT - 2014-08-07 12:02 PM
cheryl makofka - 2014-08-07 11:24 AM
How is today going?
Well, I'm alive! He hasn't said anything to me but I still notice him walking by my office and staring. I didn't say anything to my boss but I did over hear him ask why he was always hanging around. I think maybe he notices. It's lunch time and he left so I'm going to make my run to the restroom and kitchen and make it back to my office before he gets back.
Go tell your boss!
You should not be working in fear of any sort even if it is awkwardness.
As I said before go tell your boss as if he is asking stop the rumours that may begin before they begin.
Glad you are alive. |
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 Northern Chocolate Queen
Posts: 16576
Location: ND | I had a fairly similar situation at a job. My supervisor was part owner in the company as well as very good friends with the owner/boss. Supervisor decided it was entertaining to come into my office & play with my hair....even asked me to bring a brush to work so he could comb it! He was incredibly creapy!!! I didn't feel like talking to my boss about it would do any good since him & the supervisor got along so well. So I told another co-worker who I was good friends with, he thought is was amusing & had a little fun teasing me about it.....until the day him & I where moving some boxes & supervisor walked by & made a comment to me that I really should get a sexy tattoo on my lower back......My friend went to the boss at that point (as he was basically the bosses adopted son). I only worked there another 6 months or so but my supervisor never said another 5 words to be & was never in my office alone again.
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 Veteran
Posts: 292
Location: Northeast Nebraska | Why do people feel the need to be nice to idiots like this? Tell the MOFO off, file a complaint against him and tell your husband what he's doing! Oh, and pack some heat, because this freak could be dangerous. |
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Veteran
Posts: 292
Location: Northeast Nebraska | FlyingJT - 2014-08-06 2:24 PM I just told him, not 5 minutes ago, that I am very sorry that he is attracted to a married women but I am married, happily with two children for over 10 years, and he is going to have to get over it because there is nothing that will, could, maybe happen. That i'm very sorry to sound mean and that I don't care about his feelings but things need to return back to normal. He said sorry and that one day he hopes that I can tell him the truth about how I feel about him..... awkward!!!!! (I don't understand this guy) He then gave me a hand shake and disappeared! Luckily I'll never have to be alone with this person but unfortunately I'm the only female in my office and I have told one other person and like my husband he thought it was funny and nothing to worry about.. Maybe being a female I look differently at things but I feel like this is something to worry about.
Oh my God, I just read this after I already commented once. File a sexual harrassment claim against him AND the idiot that laughed and dismisssed you. File a restraining order with the police. Tell your husband and carry a gun. This nut IS DANGEROUS. |
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Veteran
Posts: 292
Location: Northeast Nebraska | FlyingJT - 2014-08-07 12:02 PM cheryl makofka - 2014-08-07 11:24 AM How is today going? Well, I'm alive! He hasn't said anything to me but I still notice him walking by my office and staring. I didn't say anything to my boss but I did over hear him ask why he was always hanging around. I think maybe he notices. It's lunch time and he left so I'm going to make my run to the restroom and kitchen and make it back to my office before he gets back.
FILE THE COMPLAINTS. The boss talked to HIM and not you? FILE A COMPLAINT ON HIM TOO. This is a DANGEROUS situation and being nice is NOT going to save you. The gun does no good in your car if he decides to slaughter you in your cube during lunch because you didn't bring him a sammich. |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | FlyingJT - 2014-08-07 12:02 PM cheryl makofka - 2014-08-07 11:24 AM How is today going? Well, I'm alive! He hasn't said anything to me but I still notice him walking by my office and staring. I didn't say anything to my boss but I did over hear him ask why he was always hanging around. I think maybe he notices. It's lunch time and he left so I'm going to make my run to the restroom and kitchen and make it back to my office before he gets back.
Why wont you tell your boss whats going on? Why are you letting him control what you do around the office, you need help with this and we are not there to do it for you so you really need to stand up to this and get it fixed now befor it really gets outa hand. |
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 Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | You need to go to HR. Now. |
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Cute Little Imp
Posts: 2747
Location: N Texas | cheryl makofka - 2014-08-07 12:12 PM
FlyingJT - 2014-08-07 12:02 PM
cheryl makofka - 2014-08-07 11:24 AM
How is today going?
Well, I'm alive! He hasn't said anything to me but I still notice him walking by my office and staring. I didn't say anything to my boss but I did over hear him ask why he was always hanging around. I think maybe he notices. It's lunch time and he left so I'm going to make my run to the restroom and kitchen and make it back to my office before he gets back.
Go tell your boss!
You should not be working in fear of any sort even if it is awkwardness.
As I said before go tell your boss as if he is asking stop the rumours that may begin before they begin.
Glad you are alive.
Yes! Now is the perfect time for you to tell your boss! Say "hey, I overheard you ask Creepy Guy why he hangs out, and it's because he's in love with me"...or however you want to put it. At least you know he'll believe you, since he's noticed it himself.
If you have to sneak around and plan things around when Creepy Guy will be there, you're just going to cause yourself anxiety. You should NOT have to do that at your place of work. |
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Location: Kentucky | and if the "face" doesn't work work try this :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xplUpR3m0io
I had a creepy stalker once, I was assistant director at a daycare and a dad fell in love with me! I was 20 and he was 40+ something. He told me he wanted me to have his babies and blah blah. I would open at 6 am by my self every morning and he would be outside with his twin girls waiting on me, drop them off and sit in the lobby/front room for like an hour! trying to talk to me and tell me all about his feelings. He ex wife thought I was trying to take over her family and kids bc he told her about how he had fallen in love me with and wanted me to raise their daughters ( he had custody) I had to get a protection order on her bc of the threats and actions she was doing to make my life hell. I told him I was in no way attracted to him and in a serious relationship. Finally had to be rude and the director have a talk with him and it mostly stopped and then I quit the job. Fast forward 4 years later, no contact with him or her don't even see them. Thank goodness, and shocking because we live in a county with only two stop lights. My husband and I buy a farm close on the house start to move in and find out she is dating my neighbor  . Doesn't start off well but after almost living here two years later it has calmed down and things are "OK" but he has now seen me outside when he comes to pick up the kids, and knows where I live. At first I was a little uneasy about it all but I have learned it will all be alright and if worst comes to worst I will just shoot  . Stay safe and good luck
Edited by pinky pie 2014-08-07 1:03 PM
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| Southtxponygirl - 2014-08-07 12:45 PM
FlyingJT - 2014-08-07 12:02 PM cheryl makofka - 2014-08-07 11:24 AM How is today going? Well, I'm alive! He hasn't said anything to me but I still notice him walking by my office and staring. I didn't say anything to my boss but I did over hear him ask why he was always hanging around. I think maybe he notices. It's lunch time and he left so I'm going to make my run to the restroom and kitchen and make it back to my office before he gets back.
because I don't want him to know that I turned him in.... I'm a little worried by his reaction. And HR, again me and my boss share the responsibilities. we are a separate entity of the college however we operate within the college and with the college name. so we don't use the colleges HR. Very hard to explain. I am going to ask him to say something to him but I just need time to think of what. He will know I turned him in and my bosses don't fire people very easily, they put up with a lot at this place. Someone got caught drinking on the job and wasn't even fired! |
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 Hugs to You
Posts: 7551
Location: In The Land of Cotton | I am the HR person at our company.
Tell your supervisor and/or HR now. This is the "now" world we live in. People do kill people at work, not just on TV. |
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I Really Love Jeans
Posts: 3173
Location: North Dakota | Tell your husband then tell your boss! People like him usually flip out and get really mad and try to make the person they are after look bad. He will go to your boss or other co-workers in the future with nasty comments about you once he really gets the fact that you are not nterested. Thats how people like him work! He will get mad almost as if you were dating so nip it in the butt before he gets even more stupid! |
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 Expert
Posts: 2161
Location: NW. Florida |
The ol scratch and sniff test. |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | If you can and if hubby can have hubby come by for some lunch dates and let this fool see that you do have a good marriage to a good man, If I could I would come up there and tell this creep to just back off for you... I dont like to beat around the bush, I would love to do this  |
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 Whack and Roll
Posts: 6342
Location: NE Texas | By you sneaking around and hiding and waiting til he's gone, he's getting a big part of the high he's looking for in controlling you. You're giving him the fix he needs even if it's small. What you need to do is go to your boss or supervisor....if you don't have one there, go the whomever you report to and let them know the situation. Then you stand proud, don't act intimidated, and go and do whatever you want to whenever you want to within the office. You are allowing him to control you and how your day is going and that is exactly what he is wanting. Good luck! Time to stand tall, get tough, and show that poker face! |
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Cute Little Imp
Posts: 2747
Location: N Texas | LRQHS - 2014-08-06 3:42 PM
How old is he? Is he cute?
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=f76_1323277426&comments=1
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Expert
Posts: 1599
| FlyingJT - 2014-08-07 1:03 PM Southtxponygirl - 2014-08-07 12:45 PM FlyingJT - 2014-08-07 12:02 PM cheryl makofka - 2014-08-07 11:24 AM How is today going? Well, I'm alive! He hasn't said anything to me but I still notice him walking by my office and staring. I didn't say anything to my boss but I did over hear him ask why he was always hanging around. I think maybe he notices. It's lunch time and he left so I'm going to make my run to the restroom and kitchen and make it back to my office before he gets back. because I don't want him to know that I turned him in.... I'm a little worried by his reaction. And HR, again me and my boss share the responsibilities. we are a separate entity of the college however we operate within the college and with the college name. so we don't use the colleges HR. Very hard to explain. I am going to ask him to say something to him but I just need time to think of what. He will know I turned him in and my bosses don't fire people very easily, they put up with a lot at this place. Someone got caught drinking on the job and wasn't even fired!
Honestly, you are really p*ssing me off with your responses....and this one, like the rest of them make absolutely no sense. Like many have said, you work for a college, they are required to implement HR practices...there is an escalation chain that you have previously identified....so use it and be done with this. It's almost as if you are making excuses because you enjoy the attention! Sorry, don't mean to be rude but your safety is nothing to make excuses about!!! |
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Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | lopnaround - 2014-08-07 2:21 PM FlyingJT - 2014-08-07 1:03 PM Southtxponygirl - 2014-08-07 12:45 PM FlyingJT - 2014-08-07 12:02 PM cheryl makofka - 2014-08-07 11:24 AM How is today going? Well, I'm alive! He hasn't said anything to me but I still notice him walking by my office and staring. I didn't say anything to my boss but I did over hear him ask why he was always hanging around. I think maybe he notices. It's lunch time and he left so I'm going to make my run to the restroom and kitchen and make it back to my office before he gets back. because I don't want him to know that I turned him in.... I'm a little worried by his reaction. And HR, again me and my boss share the responsibilities. we are a separate entity of the college however we operate within the college and with the college name. so we don't use the colleges HR. Very hard to explain. I am going to ask him to say something to him but I just need time to think of what. He will know I turned him in and my bosses don't fire people very easily, they put up with a lot at this place. Someone got caught drinking on the job and wasn't even fired!
I agree. |
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Cute Little Imp
Posts: 2747
Location: N Texas | lopnaround - 2014-08-07 1:21 PM
FlyingJT - 2014-08-07 1:03 PM Southtxponygirl - 2014-08-07 12:45 PM FlyingJT - 2014-08-07 12:02 PM cheryl makofka - 2014-08-07 11:24 AM How is today going? Well, I'm alive! He hasn't said anything to me but I still notice him walking by my office and staring. I didn't say anything to my boss but I did over hear him ask why he was always hanging around. I think maybe he notices. It's lunch time and he left so I'm going to make my run to the restroom and kitchen and make it back to my office before he gets back. because I don't want him to know that I turned him in.... I'm a little worried by his reaction. And HR, again me and my boss share the responsibilities. we are a separate entity of the college however we operate within the college and with the college name. so we don't use the colleges HR. Very hard to explain. I am going to ask him to say something to him but I just need time to think of what. He will know I turned him in and my bosses don't fire people very easily, they put up with a lot at this place. Someone got caught drinking on the job and wasn't even fired!
I know it's hard, but you HAVE to get over the mindset of "I would rather go out of my way and be uncomfortable than to hurt his feelings." What's more important--your peace of mind, safety, and well-being or keeping his feelings from being hurt?
You are NOT being mean by standing up for yourself!! |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1079
| Yup. I agree too. You shouldn't feel "bad" or guilty what so ever for turning this douchebag in. HE put you in this spot, not only by making a single comment but continued f'd up comments. He should be let go. If he isn't, I dont know if I could continue to work there. That's how bad this all is. |
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Expert
Posts: 1857
| lopnaround - 2014-08-07 1:21 PM FlyingJT - 2014-08-07 1:03 PM Southtxponygirl - 2014-08-07 12:45 PM FlyingJT - 2014-08-07 12:02 PM cheryl makofka - 2014-08-07 11:24 AM How is today going? Well, I'm alive! He hasn't said anything to me but I still notice him walking by my office and staring. I didn't say anything to my boss but I did over hear him ask why he was always hanging around. I think maybe he notices. It's lunch time and he left so I'm going to make my run to the restroom and kitchen and make it back to my office before he gets back. because I don't want him to know that I turned him in.... I'm a little worried by his reaction. And HR, again me and my boss share the responsibilities. we are a separate entity of the college however we operate within the college and with the college name. so we don't use the colleges HR. Very hard to explain. I am going to ask him to say something to him but I just need time to think of what. He will know I turned him in and my bosses don't fire people very easily, they put up with a lot at this place. Someone got caught drinking on the job and wasn't even fired!
yes you do! and thanks for your comment, you're quite helpful! |
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Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | lopnaround - 2014-08-07 1:21 PM FlyingJT - 2014-08-07 1:03 PM Southtxponygirl - 2014-08-07 12:45 PM FlyingJT - 2014-08-07 12:02 PM cheryl makofka - 2014-08-07 11:24 AM How is today going? Well, I'm alive! He hasn't said anything to me but I still notice him walking by my office and staring. I didn't say anything to my boss but I did over hear him ask why he was always hanging around. I think maybe he notices. It's lunch time and he left so I'm going to make my run to the restroom and kitchen and make it back to my office before he gets back. because I don't want him to know that I turned him in.... I'm a little worried by his reaction. And HR, again me and my boss share the responsibilities. we are a separate entity of the college however we operate within the college and with the college name. so we don't use the colleges HR. Very hard to explain. I am going to ask him to say something to him but I just need time to think of what. He will know I turned him in and my bosses don't fire people very easily, they put up with a lot at this place. Someone got caught drinking on the job and wasn't even fired!
^^^ THIS......YOU keep making excuses......Your boss HAS already noticed...NOW is the time to say that he has been bothering you.....what else do you want? |
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 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| I work in the oilfield. I have had a bit of this go on before I knew what the hell I was looking at. Men with a few screws loose can act an awful lot like dogs. You pet them once and feed them a scrap from your sandwhich, then they won't leave, then they get pissed and bite when you kick them out of the way.
In future, be the lady that is polite, but nothing more. No more smiling and nodding, putting up with long visits. You're a professional with a husband, not some gimme that acts naive enjoying the attention. If you do enjoy the attention, you need to get a grip.
This is your mess, you allowed it to happen. Now you fix it. Yes, the man was in the wrong, absolutely. But you have allowed yourself to be the victim, and it's time for that to go away, whatever your reasons are.
1. You need to confirm this to your boss. Sounds like boss already knows. Boss just probably waiting to see what you'll do to get yourself out of the situation. Bosses always know more than you think. That's their job. I know, I just had a female employee soaking up attention, then wig out over the same expression. Your situation and explanations are almost carbon copy. Stop being naive, this happens all the time. Even if you yourself couldn't see it happening, I guarantee everyone else did, and has their own, probably jaded, opinions about the situation.
2. You need to tell your husband. You need to tell your husband. What on Earth do you have a husband for, girlie, if not protection and partnership against external baddies?? You need to tell your husband. You are his wife. My husband would be in destroy mode by now, and I'd have the documentation to back him in court.
3. If you have not already done so, you need to put your side of the story and any dates, specific occurrences, etc into writing. Print it out and keep it on hand. Print out another copy for your boss.
3.5 You need to make sure somebody walks with you to your car after work. No excuses.
4. The next time dude rolls up in your office, you better be recording the entire conversation, the one that starts with you stating, "I am not interested in conversing with you. I am not in love with you. I do not like you. Leave me alone, walk a big circle around me from now on. Authorities and my husband have been notified of your actions towards me, which I do not like, nor encourage. Please leave and never speak to me again."
5. If this doesn't help, you better go to the police. My husband being himself, the cops would get called all right, but it would be after hours, off property, and it would be the Dude making the call.
You got yourself into this mess, whatever the naïveté or not. Time to deal and face the music. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1079
| classicpotatochip - 2014-08-07 3:22 PM I work in the oilfield. I have had a bit of this go on before I knew what the hell I was looking at. Men with a few screws loose can act an awful lot like dogs. You pet them once and feed them a scrap from your sandwhich, then they won't leave, then they get pissed and bite when you kick them out of the way. In future, be the lady that is polite, but nothing more. No more smiling and nodding, putting up with long visits. You're a professional with a husband, not some gimme that acts naive enjoying the attention. If you do enjoy the attention, you need to get a grip. This is your mess, you allowed it to happen. Now you fix it. Yes, the man was in the wrong, absolutely. But you have allowed yourself to be the victim, and it's time for that to go away, whatever your reasons are. 1. You need to confirm this to your boss. Sounds like boss already knows. Boss just probably waiting to see what you'll do to get yourself out of the situation. Bosses always know more than you think. That's their job. I know, I just had a female employee soaking up attention, then wig out over the same expression. Your situation and explanations are almost carbon copy. Stop being naive, this happens all the time. Even if you yourself couldn't see it happening, I guarantee everyone else did, and has their own, probably jaded, opinions about the situation. 2. You need to tell your husband. You need to tell your husband. What on Earth do you have a husband for, girlie, if not protection and partnership against external baddies?? You need to tell your husband. You are his wife. My husband would be in destroy mode by now, and I'd have the documentation to back him in court. 3. If you have not already done so, you need to put your side of the story and any dates, specific occurrences, etc into writing. Print it out and keep it on hand. Print out another copy for your boss. 3.5 You need to make sure somebody walks with you to your car after work. No excuses. 4. The next time dude rolls up in your office, you better be recording the entire conversation, the one that starts with you stating, "I am not interested in conversing with you. I am not in love with you. I do not like you. Leave me alone, walk a big circle around me from now on. Authorities and my husband have been notified of your actions towards me, which I do not like, nor encourage. Please leave and never speak to me again." 5. If this doesn't help, you better go to the police. My husband being himself, the cops would get called all right, but it would be after hours, off property, and it would be the Dude making the call. You got yourself into this mess, whatever the naïveté or not. Time to deal and face the music.
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 I'm Cooler Offline
Posts: 6387
Location: Pacific Northwest | I know a girl that was raped by a stalker when she was in high school. Her friends usually took turns following her home from work, and something happened one night and no one was able to do it. The guy shoved her in the car, tied her up, and raped her right outside her house.
Personally, I have no problems not being nice. People annoy me anyways, the block feature on FB is like my favorite thing ever and I have no issue with telling someone where they can shove it right to their face. There are some friggin stupid people out there I've discovered. I don't want to limit the stupidity to just men, but I've had two boys repeatedly ask me on dates over FB even after I told them I had a GIRLfriend. I blocked them on everything and was a total b-tch when I saw them anywhere in person. |
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Expert
Posts: 1857
| classicpotatochip - 2014-08-07 3:22 PM
I work in the oilfield. I have had a bit of this go on before I knew what the hell I was looking at. Men with a few screws loose can act an awful lot like dogs. You pet them once and feed them a scrap from your sandwhich, then they won't leave, then they get pissed and bite when you kick them out of the way.
In future, be the lady that is polite, but nothing more. No more smiling and nodding, putting up with long visits. You're a professional with a husband, not some gimme that acts naive enjoying the attention. If you do enjoy the attention, you need to get a grip.
This is your mess, you allowed it to happen. Now you fix it. Yes, the man was in the wrong, absolutely. But you have allowed yourself to be the victim, and it's time for that to go away, whatever your reasons are.
1. You need to confirm this to your boss. Sounds like boss already knows. Boss just probably waiting to see what you'll do to get yourself out of the situation. Bosses always know more than you think. That's their job. I know, I just had a female employee soaking up attention, then wig out over the same expression. Your situation and explanations are almost carbon copy. Stop being naive, this happens all the time. Even if you yourself couldn't see it happening, I guarantee everyone else did, and has their own, probably jaded, opinions about the situation.
2. You need to tell your husband. You need to tell your husband. What on Earth do you have a husband for, girlie, if not protection and partnership against external baddies?? You need to tell your husband. You are his wife. My husband would be in destroy mode by now, and I'd have the documentation to back him in court.
3. If you have not already done so, you need to put your side of the story and any dates, specific occurrences, etc into writing. Print it out and keep it on hand. Print out another copy for your boss.
3.5 You need to make sure somebody walks with you to your car after work. No excuses.
4. The next time dude rolls up in your office, you better be recording the entire conversation, the one that starts with you stating, "I am not interested in conversing with you. I am not in love with you. I do not like you. Leave me alone, walk a big circle around me from now on. Authorities and my husband have been notified of your actions towards me, which I do not like, nor encourage. Please leave and never speak to me again."
5. If this doesn't help, you better go to the police. My husband being himself, the cops would get called all right, but it would be after hours, off property, and it would be the Dude making the call.
You got yourself into this mess, whatever the naïveté or not. Time to deal and face the music.
I'm working on fixing it. Thanks for your input. Heading to a meeting with my two bosses now and I'm going to explain the situation. He hasn't come in my office at all today, so that's a good thing. I do avoid running into him because it just makes me feel uneasy. My husband does know, but he didn't seem to concerned, or just didn't let me know he was. I haven't looked the guy in the eyes at all today, I don't know if I should be staring him down or avoiding him. |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | FlyingJT - 2014-08-07 4:35 PM classicpotatochip - 2014-08-07 3:22 PM I work in the oilfield. I have had a bit of this go on before I knew what the hell I was looking at. Men with a few screws loose can act an awful lot like dogs. You pet them once and feed them a scrap from your sandwhich, then they won't leave, then they get pissed and bite when you kick them out of the way. In future, be the lady that is polite, but nothing more. No more smiling and nodding, putting up with long visits. You're a professional with a husband, not some gimme that acts naive enjoying the attention. If you do enjoy the attention, you need to get a grip. This is your mess, you allowed it to happen. Now you fix it. Yes, the man was in the wrong, absolutely. But you have allowed yourself to be the victim, and it's time for that to go away, whatever your reasons are. 1. You need to confirm this to your boss. Sounds like boss already knows. Boss just probably waiting to see what you'll do to get yourself out of the situation. Bosses always know more than you think. That's their job. I know, I just had a female employee soaking up attention, then wig out over the same expression. Your situation and explanations are almost carbon copy. Stop being naive, this happens all the time. Even if you yourself couldn't see it happening, I guarantee everyone else did, and has their own, probably jaded, opinions about the situation. 2. You need to tell your husband. You need to tell your husband. What on Earth do you have a husband for, girlie, if not protection and partnership against external baddies?? You need to tell your husband. You are his wife. My husband would be in destroy mode by now, and I'd have the documentation to back him in court. 3. If you have not already done so, you need to put your side of the story and any dates, specific occurrences, etc into writing. Print it out and keep it on hand. Print out another copy for your boss. 3.5 You need to make sure somebody walks with you to your car after work. No excuses. 4. The next time dude rolls up in your office, you better be recording the entire conversation, the one that starts with you stating, "I am not interested in conversing with you. I am not in love with you. I do not like you. Leave me alone, walk a big circle around me from now on. Authorities and my husband have been notified of your actions towards me, which I do not like, nor encourage. Please leave and never speak to me again." 5. If this doesn't help, you better go to the police. My husband being himself, the cops would get called all right, but it would be after hours, off property, and it would be the Dude making the call. You got yourself into this mess, whatever the naïveté or not. Time to deal and face the music. I'm working on fixing it. Thanks for your input. Heading to a meeting with my two bosses now and I'm going to explain the situation. He hasn't come in my office at all today, so that's a good thing. I do avoid running into him because it just makes me feel uneasy. My husband does know, but he didn't seem to concerned, or just didn't let me know he was. I haven't looked the guy in the eyes at all today, I don't know if I should be staring him down or avoiding him.
Hope that you get this all taken care of, so that you're working life can get back to normal |
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Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| Good for you! Be direct. Get this thing knocked out. As for the dude, don't acknowledge him in any way. It will just encourage him.
Be straight up with your bosses. I'd like to scold your hubby, this kind of thing can go sideways really quick! Just keep your head up and go with your gut. |
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Sock Snob
Posts: 3021
| I had a guy who wasnot all there love me in high school he would stalk me that is before the laws are what they are now. I found out they one of my coworkers knew some of his kin had then talk to him. He was a slow leaner probably had the intellect of am 8th grader, so i was trying not to be cruel just firm. But sometimes even when you spell it out, some guys like it when you are mean. It goes past firm. Some people are just not right so it does not matter what you say. But get you boss or someother guy maybe hubby to tell him to leave you alone ot they will press charges. That stalker was about 35 yoears ago.
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Expert
Posts: 4121
Location: SE Louisiana | Carbon Copy - 2014-08-07 1:12 PM
The ol scratch and sniff test.
I remember those when I was a kid... but this,,,,.... redefines it and gives it a hole new meaning... 
Edited by komet. 2014-08-07 10:54 PM
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | Ok...if you work for an educational institution Title IX applies here and your entire college can get in serious hot water if this situation continues or goes badly. Your institution should have a Title IX liason for you. THAT is who you can go to and it is their entire job to see that the situation is corrected. Your sneaking to the bathroom etc to avoid him is a classic example of a Hostile Work Environment. And...there are penalties for Retaliation by either the creep or your boss/supervisor.
Take action...do it now...do it rationally. If you are fearful he will retaliate...make that clear to the HR staff. Docuement anything that happens. |
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 Tough Patooty
Posts: 2615
Location: Sperry, OK | Update today? How did things go with the bosses yesterday? |
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Expert
Posts: 2161
Location: NW. Florida | komet. - 2014-08-07 10:39 PM Carbon Copy - 2014-08-07 1:12 PM The ol scratch and sniff test. I remember those when I was a kid... but this,,,,.... redefines it and gives it a hole new meaning...
She's probably been told by someone that she acted like her sh*t didn't stink....she was just testing it. I'm of age of the scratch and sniff too. It just struck me as funny.
To OP hope you've come up with a solution with your boss. |
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Expert
Posts: 1956
Location: Ky | FlyingJT - 2014-08-06 2:24 PM I just told him, not 5 minutes ago, that I am very sorry that he is attracted to a married women but I am married, happily with two children for over 10 years, and he is going to have to get over it because there is nothing that will, could, maybe happen. That i'm very sorry to sound mean and that I don't care about his feelings but things need to return back to normal. He said sorry and that one day he hopes that I can tell him the truth about how I feel about him..... awkward!!!!! (I don't understand this guy) He then gave me a hand shake and disappeared! Luckily I'll never have to be alone with this person but unfortunately I'm the only female in my office and I have told one other person and like my husband he thought it was funny and nothing to worry about.. Maybe being a female I look differently at things but I feel like this is something to worry about.
I am a small business owner and male. We don't have a large staff any more but we used to. I've read this whole thread now. Your response above seems to have been the proper move to take. You didn't want to cause him trouble and just wanted to be clear to him that you were not interested and to stop with his behavior.
You should most definately tell your husband also.
No one can give you advice on the computer without knowing more info and how your work relationship was before and how you two got along before.
If that ended the problem then it was a simple misunderstanding. But, from some of your following posts it seems that it did not end the situation. Just the overt part of it. That is not acceptable in any form or fashion. Have no further conversations with him. Go to your direct supervisor and tell them exactly what happened and what's still happening. If that person takes no action then go to their boss.
After going through the chain of command and no action has been taken, talk to an attorney. There is no reason for you to be harassed in the workplace and this is harassment pure and simple.
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 Chasin my Dream
Posts: 13651
Location: Alberta | I'm just hoping for a safe resolution to this all and please don't disregard that he doesn't know where you live or hasn't maybe followed you or potentially may....stalkers have their own frame of mind beyond our understanding! |
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 Potato Soup Queen
Location: Alabama | You were nice because you have a submissive personality, and that could get you into trouble!
Men don't view "nice" the same way we do or for the same reasons.
Get over it, before he gets over on you (and not in a good way). Grow a spine and tell him to
STAY AWAY |
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Expert
Posts: 4121
Location: SE Louisiana | Farrierlady - 2014-08-09 11:49 PM
You were nice because you have a submissive personality, and that could get you into trouble!
Men don't view "nice" the same way we do or for the same reasons.
Get over it, before he gets over on you (and not in a good way). Grow a spine and tell him to
STAY AWAY
Translation here... Get a Tazer and ZAP him to the floor the next time he steps into your cube... Then keep zapping him until someone takes it away... I promise he won't come back.... (oh and screaming like a banshee helps too) |
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Expert
Posts: 1599
| Bump for update? OP, the reason I got short with you was out of genuine concern for your well-being. Can't take this stuff lightly! |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | Did the beans work??? |
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Expert
Posts: 1857
| LRQHS - 2014-08-11 2:17 PM
Did the beans work???
Only on successfully getting myself kicked to the couch! haha! But on a serious note I did talk with my bosses. We did a "informal resolution" which was documented, and reported to the University's Title IX Coordinator. The consequences were discussed with him if he doesn't leave me alone, he will have the report on his record for 3yrs, and a resolution has been reached for protecting me from him. He will be leaving at the end of the football season. So.... all is well today! |
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Expert
Posts: 1857
| lopnaround - 2014-08-11 2:14 PM
Bump for update? OP, the reason I got short with you was out of genuine concern for your well-being. Can't take this stuff lightly!
Sometimes you just need a good slap in the face to make you see things differently. No worries and no hard feelings. |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | FlyingJT - 2014-08-11 4:08 PM LRQHS - 2014-08-11 2:17 PM Did the beans work??? Only on successfully getting myself kicked to the couch! haha! But on a serious note I did talk with my bosses. We did a "informal resolution" which was documented, and reported to the University's Title IX Coordinator. The consequences were discussed with him if he doesn't leave me alone, he will have the report on his record for 3yrs, and a resolution has been reached for protecting me from him. He will be leaving at the end of the football season. So.... all is well today!
Whateva....it was the beans.....you can't fool me :)
Glad it worked out :) |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | FlyingJT - 2014-08-11 4:08 PM LRQHS - 2014-08-11 2:17 PM Did the beans work??? Only on successfully getting myself kicked to the couch! haha! But on a serious note I did talk with my bosses. We did a "informal resolution" which was documented, and reported to the University's Title IX Coordinator. The consequences were discussed with him if he doesn't leave me alone, he will have the report on his record for 3yrs, and a resolution has been reached for protecting me from him. He will be leaving at the end of the football season. So.... all is well today!
Glad to hear that you talked to you're bosses about this, |
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Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | Southtxponygirl - 2014-08-11 5:23 PM FlyingJT - 2014-08-11 4:08 PM LRQHS - 2014-08-11 2:17 PM Did the beans work??? Only on successfully getting myself kicked to the couch! haha! But on a serious note I did talk with my bosses. We did a "informal resolution" which was documented, and reported to the University's Title IX Coordinator. The consequences were discussed with him if he doesn't leave me alone, he will have the report on his record for 3yrs, and a resolution has been reached for protecting me from him. He will be leaving at the end of the football season. So.... all is well today!
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | FlyingJT - 2014-08-11 4:08 PM LRQHS - 2014-08-11 2:17 PM Did the beans work??? Only on successfully getting myself kicked to the couch! haha! But on a serious note I did talk with my bosses. We did a "informal resolution" which was documented, and reported to the University's Title IX Coordinator. The consequences were discussed with him if he doesn't leave me alone, he will have the report on his record for 3yrs, and a resolution has been reached for protecting me from him. He will be leaving at the end of the football season. So.... all is well today!
Edited by TrailGirl 2014-08-12 7:29 AM
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Expert
Posts: 1599
| FlyingJT - 2014-08-11 4:09 PM lopnaround - 2014-08-11 2:14 PM Bump for update? OP, the reason I got short with you was out of genuine concern for your well-being. Can't take this stuff lightly! Sometimes you just need a good slap in the face to make you see things differently. No worries and no hard feelings.
Just read your update and I am so relieved for you!!!! Great news and glad there is no hard feelings. Well done:) |
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Veteran
Posts: 292
Location: Northeast Nebraska | FlyingJT - 2014-08-11 4:08 PM LRQHS - 2014-08-11 2:17 PM Did the beans work??? Only on successfully getting myself kicked to the couch! haha! But on a serious note I did talk with my bosses. We did a "informal resolution" which was documented, and reported to the University's Title IX Coordinator. The consequences were discussed with him if he doesn't leave me alone, he will have the report on his record for 3yrs, and a resolution has been reached for protecting me from him. He will be leaving at the end of the football season. So.... all is well today!
Sorry, but nuts don't give in that easy. He will blame you for losing his job. You better beware and aware, even after he is "gone." |
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Blessed
Location: Here | GoGaited - 2014-08-12 8:07 PM FlyingJT - 2014-08-11 4:08 PM LRQHS - 2014-08-11 2:17 PM Did the beans work??? Only on successfully getting myself kicked to the couch! haha! But on a serious note I did talk with my bosses. We did a "informal resolution" which was documented, and reported to the University's Title IX Coordinator. The consequences were discussed with him if he doesn't leave me alone, he will have the report on his record for 3yrs, and a resolution has been reached for protecting me from him. He will be leaving at the end of the football season. So.... all is well today!
I agree.  |
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I don't know what I should do..... I do but...