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Expert
Posts: 1611
  
| Please pray, share experiences, and send good thoughts towards my family. Anyone had a loved one get dysphagia, aspirate and then come back? We were at the point of giving liquid morphine every hour Friday night but now they have improved. Looking for comfort in others sharing their stories please. |
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| We've had 3 very positive experiences with hospice in that they took the inevitable and made it easier. The hospice nurses are generally pretty reliable in being able to tell you what to expect although not able to pin point exactly when someone will pass, they can come pretty close. Hospice is such a blessing in allowing the passing of our loved ones to be as peaceful as is possible. I've never experienced exactly what you described and would assume that your loved one is just not quite ready to go yet. Many prayers for you and your family during this time. I know it's very hard and stressful.
Edited by runs4fun 2014-09-08 4:34 PM
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  Angel in a Sorrel Coat
Posts: 16030
Location: In a happy place |  |
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 Keeper of the King Snake
Posts: 7622
Location: Dubach, LA | I need these stories too. I'm entering this phase-caretaker- now.
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 Max is Back
Posts: 6795
Location: Flat Rock,IL | |
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 Texas Taco
Posts: 7499
Location: Bandera, TX | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1079
| my father in law passed away almost 1 year ago. He was on a downward slide with kidney dialysis and ultimately decided he'd rather go home and live out his days than monkey around with the terrible things that go along with dialysis.
He was home for 3 weeks or so? Had Hospice and had many many very good days and was able to see a lot of his friends and family and visit from the comfort of his own chair. I think when it was all over that has given the family a lot of peace. It was stressful and very hard but knowing and having time with him was in some ways a gift.
Prayers to you. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
Location: Somewhere in the middle of nowhere | |
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 Purveyor of unconventional wisdom
Posts: 17112
Location: CA | I don't do hospice, but I have had the honor of helping a few of people pass over in the last year. I am a Reiki Healer, and when people are "called" to cross over there is no stopping it. It is not like I help the physical body with much more than pain, it is the emotional and the spiritual worries that are put to rest before they go. Many times people wait until they are sure everyone is ready for them to go. I am not sure really how they manage this, but i have see folks wait till that out of town relative shows up before they let go.
One thing I have witnessed is that although there is suffering, I think that is necessary for the mind to let the body go. We that are healthy and are watching our loved ones fade away have the obligation to honor this process through our own pain. Just remember that pain is temporary, and after they are gone if you are aware enough to pay attention, you will find messages, strange occurances that have the flavor of that love one. Something as simple as a song you haven't heard in forever that they used to sing, or in my case a random cashier handed me a bouquet of flowers, just because she thought I should have them. I do beleive they are still with us, and that we never really die, we just move on to the next thing, but always love those that are left behind. |
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Expert
Posts: 1336
Location: Central Arkansas | T turning 3, my husband and I do Reiki also. I have never been there to help someone pass tho. I mostly work on people long distance. My husband has a few
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| We lost my neice 2 years ago to a brain tumor, she was 31 and special needs. She was bed ridden at the end but was lucid up to the last day. She was at home in her room that she loved so much surrounded by family. Hospice was exceptional at helping and guiding us through such a stressful sad time. Anne ran a fever which hospice said meant she had 24 -36 hours left so we did not leave her side. She was surrounded by family who comforted her and told it was OK to leave us and go to Heaven at which she responded "she didn't want to go to Heaven she wanted to go to Walmart" - she loved Walmart. We thought she was not hearing us because she had not responded to us in almost 12 hours but apparently she was still hearing and processing everything. We were telling all the wonderful things we loved about her, laughing at her antics- and that is when she passed, listening to us talk about how much we loved her, she took a peaceful breath and was gone. The hospice nurse was wonderful how she prepared her for her trip to the funeral home and in comforting us.
Prayers for you and your family.
Edited by rodeomom3 2014-09-08 7:16 PM
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 Toy Story Fanatic
Posts: 4148
Location: Oregon | I am currently caring for my 95(96 on 10/3) Grandma. Hospice is coming in now and they are great. My Grandma isn't in any pain, her body is just done. She weighs 66 lbs, won't eat hardly, and sometimes is just a tad ornery. She has wanted to pass for a year. She needs constant care so between myself, my Mom(her DIL) and my daughter someone is always here with her. She still gets up but needs assistance. We have had 2 falls because she doesn't listen. They have told me that she could pass tonight or 2 months from now. It is not easy but bless you for taking care instead of shoving your loved one in a home. Hospice helps, yes I also use small doses of Morphine and Lorazapham to help with her breathing and she has oxygen on 24/7. Hugs!! |
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 Blaines and Beauty
Posts: 1431
| Last September my dad passed away with primary brain cancer. He requested to stay at the house and we had hospice come and help us. The team we had was amazing! They knew when the end was near and helped us through it. We kept him on morphine so he would stay comfortable for his last week of life. We had to make sure we kept him turned every few hours. They told us that when the end was near, when you turned him, he would quit breathing then pick back up. And the night he passed, about midnight that is exactly what he did and he passed away about 5 am. My mom was with him the entire time holding his hand and said it was very peaceful. Make sure you talk to them and let them know how much you love them. My dad held on and held on and I knew he was close and I said my final goodbyes and so did my sister who called from out of state and that was his last day with us. It was like he was waiting for us to say our final words. |
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Queen Bean of Ponyland
Posts: 24954
Location: WYOMING | Been there. Hugs! |
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 Money Eating Baggage Owner
Posts: 9586
Location: Phoenix | This thread makes me want to cry. My parents aren't anywhere near that but it pains me to think that it will happen someday. Thank you for sharing your stories with us!! |
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| Remember that Hospice also provides spiritual counselors in the way of clergy and grief counselors before and after the passing of your loved one. Hospice is a really wonderful thing. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 887
Location: MN | October 15 will be 1 year since my mother passed away. She was so resiliant and was responding very well to her chemo, but when she declined fast. After caring for her one weekend so my Dad could close up their lake home I now have a whole new appreciation and admiration for caregivers! It's physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting. But, knowing that our loved ones are getting every bit of care and attention they need to be comfortable is more than worth it.
My mother had a dedicated hospice team and the company was fantastic responding to my Dad, helping through any changes, and coordinating everything. I was shocked that even when they were making deliveries to the house to get us set up with equipment, they worked even in the evening. Every "i" was dotted and "t" was crossed. They knew what would be needed and always seemed one step ahead. As hard as it was, and still is, to be without her, even in the days after I was so thankful to have a great hospice team around Mom and us. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 887
Location: MN | FlyinByU - 2014-09-08 6:47 PM Last September my dad passed away with primary brain cancer. He requested to stay at the house and we had hospice come and help us. The team we had was amazing! They knew when the end was near and helped us through it. We kept him on morphine so he would stay comfortable for his last week of life. We had to make sure we kept him turned every few hours. They told us that when the end was near, when you turned him, he would quit breathing then pick back up. And the night he passed, about midnight that is exactly what he did and he passed away about 5 am. My mom was with him the entire time holding his hand and said it was very peaceful. Make sure you talk to them and let them know how much you love them. My dad held on and held on and I knew he was close and I said my final goodbyes and so did my sister who called from out of state and that was his last day with us. It was like he was waiting for us to say our final words.
This. I know my grandfather was right there with Mom in her last hours, I heard her talking to him. We were lucky that all of us kids, Grandma and my dad were at her side. Praying over her, and telling her it was ok to go with Grandpa seemed to help. There was a clear transition in those moments. |
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Sock Snob
Posts: 3021
| My husband was housebound for,4 years with lung problems caused by smoking. But when he was house bound for,the first year he did pretty well and he could get around some and get into the tub and could get into my truck. Then he was in and out ofmthe hospital. My pulmonogist was talking tp me as i continued tomwork and take care of him and he didnot eat manynfast food meals eity i always have cooked fron scratch and knew he did have much pleasure in life left and food made him happy. But my lung doc told me he should be in hospice, and his gp would not do that to,help me and my husband. Call the social worker at the hospital where my lung doc works. She told me a couple things to do one of which was to call the local hospice they came out talked to him and them told me he was not sick enough. But the social worker told horse turds amd told me to,call his lung doc and he wrote the script. they dont always like to do things if they think the patient is going to live more than six months, but they can recertify. I never told my husband that he was in hospice imjust told him it was home health but he was home along and they sent a nice male nurse that mymhusband was crazy about until themnurse had a stroke and they didnot have some all,thentime. But i knew he was being checked on 3 times a,week. And eventually theymsent someone to,help with bathing and i would do,it on weekends unless he was sick and they knew what the government would pay for to,help him. They also paid for some of his meds. They that company did not have anybody else in the area and stopped coming. About 3 months later he was sick he got a bad stomach bug went to local hospital and they hadt no rooms sent him to the big hospital and his med list did nit make it and theymmissed some of his meds and when he got out he was never as good and they put him back on hospice and with a different company we putmhim on morphine and i had it out with them and he did not know they upped his morphine and he was out for over 14 hours they told him he needed that he told me he did not and i told them, if he felt like he needed more that he would tell me and i had no problem but it was up to him as the morphine would slow his breathing down. But they just brought the stronger and told him he needed it. I told her i better not catch that and if they need to,change his meds it had to go thru me, and i would talk to him and it would be up to the. They where in a hurry. Wonder how many they just did that too to,hurry things up. Really pissed me off, thye did not kniw i am a nurse. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 448
Location: lone star state | Prayers to you. This can be a very special time knowing when a loved ones time on earthis almost up allows friends and family to say goodbye for now. It is bittersweet but having gone through it with my niece who had cancer and passed away at home with family was a good experience as well as gut wrenching. Those close will get a glimpse of heaven during the experience.
Steve Jobs said it best in his last words, "O Wow! O Wow!" |
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Purveyor of unconventional wisdom
Posts: 17112
Location: CA | I sincerely hope the main thing people are getting from this thread is to make sure...don't wait another day to tell those you love how you feel.
One of my cancer clients had a daughter he hadn't seen since she was 2, and now she was a mother herself. I told him to go see her, and he was worried she wouldn't welcome him. I told him, it isn't about you...it is about her, and no matter what, you tell her you are sorry and you are proud of the woman she has become. He passed about 3 weeks after visiting with her and she made it to his "celebration of life". I got to meet her and see what that one visit had done for her self esteem. We chatted for probably an hour, and I really felt she needed some of those answers and that it did change her life.
So call that person you were mad at for some stupid reason, or even a big reason... tell them you are angry, but you still love them. The saddest thing i have heard is saddness that the last words were unkind. Just sayin.....
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| T turning 3 - 2014-09-08 9:30 PM I sincerely hope the main thing people are getting from this thread is to make sure...don't wait another day to tell those you love how you feel.
One of my cancer clients had a daughter he hadn't seen since she was 2, and now she was a mother herself. I told him to go see her, and he was worried she wouldn't welcome him. I told him, it isn't about you...it is about her, and no matter what, you tell her you are sorry and you are proud of the woman she has become. He passed about 3 weeks after visiting with her and she made it to his "celebration of life". I got to meet her and see what that one visit had done for her self esteem. We chatted for probably an hour, and I really felt she needed some of those answers and that it did change her life.
So call that person you were mad at for some stupid reason, or even a big reason... tell them you are angry, but you still love them. The saddest thing i have heard is saddness that the last words were unkind. Just sayin.....
That beautiful story brought tears to my eyes. Such good advice. |
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Expert
Posts: 1611
| Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and stories. Being a caregiving in the home for your own loved one is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do. The level of stress mentally, emotionally, and physically is incomparable to any other pain. |
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Purveyor of unconventional wisdom
Posts: 17112
Location: CA | astreakinchic - 2014-09-09 8:31 AM Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and stories. Being a caregiving in the home for your own loved one is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do. The level of stress mentally, emotionally, and physically is incomparable to any other pain.
I pray you are not doing this alone. Make sure you have a support group, and a strong one. Lean on them! You are doing God's work and He wouldn't want you to do it alone. He is with you as well, but sometimes you just need someone to help you and let you cry. ( and it is more than okay to let it out now and then. ) |
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 If it Ain't a Paint it Ain't!
Posts: 8519
Location: Mansfield, Tx | I have a question for those that let your loved ones pass at home.
My mom wants to pass a home... we have hospice coming to see her ( which she is still doing good but they are set up) panceratic cancer..
part of me is ok with her choice of passing at home b/c it's what she wants.. but then there is a pc. of me that doesn't want to walk into her home knowing that she passed in that certain spot, etc... and her not be there anymore... I don't want that memory I guess
( does that make sense) ??? Am, I looking at this all wrong? |
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If it Ain't a Paint it Ain't!
Posts: 8519
Location: Mansfield, Tx | astreakinchic - 2014-09-09 8:31 AM
Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and stories. Being a caregiving in the home for your own loved one is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do. The level of stress mentally, emotionally, and physically is incomparable to any other pain.
I'm not a full time care giver ... BUT, I understand your stress, emotional, physical craziness that can go on...
Remember to walk away and take a moment to yourself when it's needed... BIG HUG.....
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
Location: Somewhere in the middle of nowhere | RunningOnPaints - 2014-09-09 10:04 AM I have a question for those that let your loved ones pass at home. My mom wants to pass a home... we have hospice coming to see her ( which she is still doing good but they are set up) panceratic cancer.. part of me is ok with her choice of passing at home b/c it's what she wants.. but then there is a pc. of me that doesn't want to walk into her home knowing that she passed in that certain spot, etc... and her not be there anymore... I don't want that memory I guess ( does that make sense) ??? Am, I looking at this all wrong?
My SO's mom passed of pancreatic cancer so I understand what you are going through....it was difficult. She had her good days, one of her last days was a really good day. She spent her days at home, she was the most comfortable there but she quit wanting to go outside to even sit on the porch. She had a chair she always sat in, in the end she even ate there and when she passed, she passed in that chair. I don't think it is so much of just where they passed but when they do pass, everything reminds you of them. We still drive by her old house and still think of her. Our best memories are those of sitting at the dinner table looking at old picture albums with her until midnight. She told us which pictures were her favorites and why.....love that time we had. |
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| I understand your concern and you will very, very often be reminded of the spot that she passed in but it's not a terrible thing as so many things will remind you of her anyway. Bottom line, to me at least, is let it be her choice. Plus, like many have said, they will often have a VERY good day and seem almost like their going to be okay just a day or so before passing and that period is such much sweeter at home. |
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Purveyor of unconventional wisdom
Posts: 17112
Location: CA | RunningOnPaints - 2014-09-09 11:04 AM I have a question for those that let your loved ones pass at home. My mom wants to pass a home... we have hospice coming to see her ( which she is still doing good but they are set up) panceratic cancer.. part of me is ok with her choice of passing at home b/c it's what she wants.. but then there is a pc. of me that doesn't want to walk into her home knowing that she passed in that certain spot, etc... and her not be there anymore... I don't want that memory I guess ( does that make sense) ??? Am, I looking at this all wrong?
After she passes every time you go by that spot you will feel the loss, but after a while you will smile thinking of the good times you had. That is when you know you are healing. :) |
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Max is Back
Posts: 6795
Location: Flat Rock,IL | RunningOnPaints - 2014-09-09 11:04 AM
I have a question for those that let your loved ones pass at home.
My mom wants to pass a home... we have hospice coming to see her ( which she is still doing good but they are set up) panceratic cancer..
part of me is ok with her choice of passing at home b/c it's what she wants.. but then there is a pc. of me that doesn't want to walk into her home knowing that she passed in that certain spot, etc... and her not be there anymore... I don't want that memory I guess
( does that make sense) ??? Am, I looking at this all wrong?
I'm sorry to hear this about your mom , I'll be praying for you. |
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If it Ain't a Paint it Ain't!
Posts: 8519
Location: Mansfield, Tx | Thanks everyone....
I will respect her wishes of course... and let her pass in her home...
My dad will still be there after she passes so we will still be going in and out of the house..
I think often of how I will handle things after she is gone and I have to go into the house... and I think I will have good days and day... Like someone mentioned.... It will bring back good memories and make me smile
after awhile I'm sure...
Thanks again... Cancer sucks... that's for sure....
My mom is a breast cancer survivor for 16 years , then to get panceratic cancer...at the young age of 65...
For all.... Stay Strong... in your FAITH.... |
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Hospice stories...Going through the ending stages of a loved one's life..