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boon
Posts: 1
| I've made a new account to conceal my identity, I don't want too much to get out.
I have an issue with work/family. I work for my in-laws and I've just about had it. I originally went to school for a teaching position, but my then bf talked me out of it and I changed to a business degree so I could help him out and work the company once I graduated. under some stupid assumption that it would 'ours' in the future. I started working in winter of '08 and worked on weekends and random days off during the school year (like winter break, presidents day, spring break and summers) I had two jobs on summer and my final summer off during school I worked here full time and really learned a lot and started doing about 40% of the work that was amongst 5 women in the office. one sister was "out" on maternity leave and so I did 100% of her stuff and learned from another how to do just about all of her stuff. once I graduated I started working for mid $20s an hr. a stupid amount for what the job calls for, but I was hourly and worked all that I could when I was in need of some extra $. about three months later one of the ladies' moved and so I took her position.. and still maintained 100% of the maternity leave sister's duties. A little more justifiable work for the pay. times got hard and so we all took some pay cuts and I became salary.. mine was a couple dollars and hour and about $400 a month.. and I lost my ability to get OT if needed/called for. but I no longer have to deduct hours from my paycheck for a vet trip, dr. visit, sick days, etc. it sucked and I had to cut some "extras", but we (husband and I)really have no debt other than one truck payment a month.
times got even harder with four of us in the office (owner does nothing, but draws a nice paycheck. that's fine if you own the place) it was either someone leave and there be three (with another paycut to the "kids") or we all keep jobs and practically make half. one sister (the one that actually worked, did HR/payroll/insurance) left so we could still make SOMETHING and her man makes ridiculous amount of money and she temps in at places when needed so she is financially stable. I took over her duties HR & payroll duties, while still maintaining my old ones which included what I was hired to do...maternity leave sister's duties.. (she still works here and really has no official daily duties other than she was supposed to take over the insurance aspect and I've left her a few notes of things asking for her do to do and not a one of them have been done.) and the job of the lady that left. I do the work of about 2-3 people and sometimes it's really hard, but I work hard and do what I can each day. I originally started working from 7:30-5 when I was hourly, then when I went to first salary I worked from 8-5 and now with second paycut I work from 9-5 just for my own sanity and trying to justify the cut.
here is where my real issues begin. maternity sister is an absolute spoiled brat. she has anywhere from 1-3x her salary in advances each month that she will never have to pay back because her mom won't make her. (she has gambling and materialistic/shopping problems) she has not been affected at all by these paycuts. she also only works 2-3 hours a day... and I am honest to God not lying. she's supposed to be working 9-5, but she leaves by 2 everyday because of her son. (Um, send him to pre-school or daycare/babysitter.).. and she's gone from getting here at 9/9:30am, to 10, to 11 and now it's to where she doesn't get here until 11:30 (it's noon right now and she's still not here) or later everyday and still leaves around 1:30/2pm.... and our takehome pay is the exact same amount. I know it's un Christian-like of me to get upset, but I went to college and got an education, she only has her HS diploma and about a day or two of college. It just wasn't for her. that's fine, but it's just because she didn't have to go and better herself so she didn't. she does a little work, but it's really not enough to still justify what pay she does actually get. if someone needed to leave the company, it needed to be her. but she is sister to my husband and all I ever hear is how it will be "their" company someday. my husband does not agree with how she is, at all, but he is not in 100% control and cannot dictate the situation. I know he can't treat his sister like a regular employer would, because if she pulled this crap at another place she would be out of a job. he doesn't want to be a bad guy and get stuck in the middle, but I feel like he isn't standing up for his wife who actually works and tries to better the company. he is stressed to the max most of the time and so I don't bring anything up, but it gets to the point that when he tries to talk to me like an employee I get so pissed off an angry and don't want to help him out. he asks me to do tasks that I've done for 5-6 years and I say "that's her job. have her do it"..... it's really not fair for either one of us. but I also think it's not fair for me to be miserable and work my arse off for way less than silver spoon sister does. my husband asks me to be patient and someday it will all be different... and then somedays when we're in a heated argument he asks me to look for another job.... but I really don't think there could be another employee that would go above and beyond to help him out.
If it were as easy as showing up early everyday and working late everyday and that would grant me a raise and more seniority then I would do that... but it's simply not going to get me anywhere. the mom and daughter are so close and she can manipulate her however she wants her. I'm torn between being a good and Godly wife and working and helping out my husband 24/7 ( I still work late at nights and on weekends if needed in order to help him out ) and just calling the job quits and starting at the bottom of the ladder somewhere else with my sanity and not having these feelings towards his family. I know I would probably start out making not so great money, but I believe in hard work and advancing. My problem is that I probably wouldn't be able to get of work like I can now for vet appts and barrel races....and even a few years down the road it will be easier when we start a family if we're at the same company (maternity leave, having the ability to bring the baby to work with me if I needed to) I really am torn down the middle. my horses are my sanity and I think if I had to miss out on races and time with them I would go just as insane as I am with the family.
please offer any suggestions, even if it is just to suck it up. |
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 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
 
| Find a better job somewhere else. Your happiness and your marriage probably depend on it.
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 678
Location: Canada | Time to leave before it starts affecting your marriage more. You're starting too if not already having ill feelings towards his family and you're snapping at him for tasks at work. For the sake of your sanity and your marriage it's time you give adequate notice and move on to another job.
One of two things will happen either the sister will have to pick up the slack because no one is doing it for her, or they'll have to hire someone else and hopefully sit her down and have a chat. Either way you get to keep your sanity and get out before you start feeling even more resentful towards the family.
Best of luck. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 330
| Honestly, I didn't even read the entire post before my response was "Find work somewhere else"
Some things just.aren't.worth.it.
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 448
Location: lone star state | I would make a list of all the good things and bad things about your job. Evaluate if the good outweighs the bad. My guess is spoiled sister has always been spoiled sister but its getting to you now where in the beginning it didn't matter because you were happy. Its worth alot to be free to come and go as you please as long as your work gets done. Its worth a lot to be with your spouse everyday. When you have kids you will get to be with them when needed. If you can't change your perspective on spoiled sister and focus on you and your job then your happiness is at stake and maybe this job is for someone else who will have the perks of relaxed schedule when needed and working with your husband. If you teach for example you will have all the politics and more drama and dealing with kids and rotten parents! You would have summer off and Christmas break tho... |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
 
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | I would be looking for a better job with better hours, taking a pay cut would have to do if it were me, I would want to keep my marriage happy. Working for family hardley ever works out, sounds like you are working your butt off and not getting anywhere as in moving up in the business. Good luck to you  |
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 Pork Fat is my Favorite
Posts: 3791
Location: The Oklahoma plains. | New job ASAP and just say it isnt for you- do not make it personal (even though it is). |
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Expert
Posts: 1314
Location: North Central Iowa Land of white frozen grass | The last job that I had things started to pile up like this in a way and I finally made the decision to leave. Remember it is your decision to go to this job every day not theirs. They will get over it. They will also find out how valuable you were. Don't assume that you and your husband are going to inherit this business. Some things don't always turn out like you think they will. |
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 Expert
Posts: 2097
Location: Deep South | I'm on the "new job bandwagon" too!
There is no way in hell I could work for my inlaws. Salvage your relationship with them while you still can. Combining two families is difficult enough without adding the stress of running a business together.
Yes you are correct in that working for someone who isn't your family probably won't be as "convenient" as you have it right now, as far as taking off, taking kids to work, etc. But there are billions of people who make it work everyday. MOST people do not work for their inlaws and they still manage to get all of those things taken care of just fine, and you will too.
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 Ima Fickle Fan
Posts: 3547
Location: Texas | I don't know what the perks are, but I wouldn't stick around a place where I kept getting more responsibility and my pay cut. Is the business really going to get left to you and hubby with spoiled sister in the mix? Flexibility is great, but there are other jobs out there that have it. And it sounds like your job has taken over all aspects of your life. To me, that's not healthy. |
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  Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | Life is waaaaay too short to work in a job that you hate.....Move on to a job that makes YOU happy. If anyone inherits the business, it will be your husband anyway.......and you can always return at that time! Convenience is not a good reason to stay! |
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 pressure dripper
Posts: 8699
Location: the end of the rainbow | Having had my last job turn into something similar without the family involvement I can guarantee that you will be do much happier if you find another job. This has been building (along with your stress levels) for a long time. For the sake of your own happiness & your marriage please don't let it get to the point where you explode. |
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 The Vaccinator
Posts: 3810
Location: Slipping down the slope of old age. Boo hoo. | classicpotatochip - 2014-09-09 12:05 PM
Find a better job somewhere else. Your happiness and your marriage probably depend on it.
****THIS**** |
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OT- work and family issues