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| Well I haven't been on here for awhile because I started back to college so hello. I hate to vent but I feel lost and need moral support...I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. Listen, I know I'm young (almost 21) but I believe I'm pretty mature and I've been through a lot myself as well as we've been through a lot of things since we've been together (immediate family member passings and so many other things). Out of nowhere Sunday he texted me wanting a break...I was shocked. Even the day before and days leading to it he said he loved me and was working a lot for us. He said he wanted a break because he's stressed (just started working 7 10's) and wants to be single...he is going through a lot with some things but so am I and I feel like I have been there for him through so much that he should lean on me and come to me instead of pushing me away and treating me like a stranger. it just feels like someone punched me in the face. I thought I meant more to him than wanting to be single or anything. I thought I was a priority. He was a priority to me. I tried talking to him about it and he said I needed to stop making it hard on myself by talking to him and won't talk to me.. He deleted me off facebook (I deleted mine period anyways because I'm sick of social media except for BHW) and I texted him asking if he understood why I wanted to talk to him, that it had been a long time we were together and I would like to have some understanding and get some closure. By the way, I would talk on the phone over text any day but he's a texter and immature when he's mad and upset and would definitely not talk on the phone then. He then threatened to get a restraining order and block my phone number if I contact him...even though I wasn't blowing up his phone and just asked to talk so I could get some understanding. My heart feels broken...I feel like this is more permanent than a break and I just can't believe he's treating me like I'm a psycho. It makes me feel crazy with what he did and said he was going to do if I talked to him, and I haven't talked to him for 2 days. It kills me but I'm just gonna have to put my big girl pants on and leave him alone and let him talk to me if he wants to. I'm just so shocked and didn't see it coming at all. I've been making it and luckily I go to school full time, work two part time jobs, and volunteer so I stay busy but I feel like I'm in a fog and feel numb. I can't sleep and wake up so sick every morning (I'm not pregnant by the way). I just feel so low and just...I can't even explain it to be honest. I'm close to God and have been praying a lot, what else can I do to heal this pain to you others who have been through this or something similar? And no "You gotta lay under one to get over another" won't work with me. Lol. I'm not like that and get too attached. Time helps but I just feel completely lost and I want to be around people but don't. It's a weird feeling. Listen, I know I'm young and have my life ahead of me but I just want some advice and prayers for now. I don't wanna hear about the young thing cause you don't know me ya know. I just need some prayers please. I feel guilty to ask knowing others are going through illness and deaths, but I just need a few please. No snide comments, I'm not in the mood.. |
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I just read the headlines
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| I have no comforting words except to say I'll sure put you in my prayers.  |
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 Thread Killer
Posts: 7545
 
| He sounds very immature. I don't want to make you feel worse, but I wouldn't be surprised if there is someone else, honestly.
He is treating you like dirt because he is feeling guilty about something. By treating you like a psycho, he is trying to pass the guilt to you.
Also, about the "getting under another man to get over the first" advice. DON'T let people talk you into that BS. I'm sure you're aware of the possible outcome. Take care of yourself and seek some help either from your pastor or a therapist. The things you are experiencing right now sound like more than the standard sadness after a break up.
I think you dodged a bullet. Not only that, but the trash just took itself out. That almost never happens!
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | No advice but many hugs for you  and prayers that you get over your broken heart soon |
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 Expert
Posts: 1440
Location: Texas | No real advice other than keep yourself busy to keep from having too much idle time. It sounds to me like he has had this planned and finally get enough guts to finally do it. One doesn't take such drastic actions if it is just a break. Cut your losses and go hug on a dog or a horse! |
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 pressure dripper
Posts: 8699
Location: the end of the rainbow | I'm very sorry you are going through this. A broken heart can be very hard on you both mentally and physically (I once lost 40 pounds in less than 6 weeks). Just do your best to take care of yourself. Go talk to a counselor. You are never going to get the answers you want from him. Talk it through with a professional, it will help. |
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Industrial Srength Barrel Racer
Posts: 7268
| I shudder to think what my life may have been like if I would have stayed with the guy I was with at 21. Girl, this is THE time of your life, enjoy YOU, do things YOU enjoy - you have your whole life to find a man! (Gawd, I sound old - but really it's TRUE)! Learn to love and enjoy YOURSELF!! |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | Been there. My first long term boyfriend dumped me out of the blue during my first year of college after being together 3 years. I had no real reason from him...just..."we are young and shouldn't tie ourselves down". Years later I came to know that what he was really saying was that he thought the grass would be greener and he wanted to "sow his oats". (Joke on him is that the pickings werent as easy as he had hoped) Well of course I was devastated. Felt worthless and confused. But...I got involved with school, work...and made new friends on campus. Next thing you know I'm happy and feeling better and more confident. It happens by degrees. Make good positive choices every day and do things for YOU and your future. The pain fades I promise.
Part of the hopeless feeling is that right now HE has control of your emotions. He doesn't deserve that kind of power. Cut him off. Don't try to contact him in any way. If he starts to regret this and contacts you...as hard as it would be...you need to ignore him. Take back control. |
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 Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | Just Plain Lucky - 2014-09-17 10:19 PM He sounds very immature. I don't want to make you feel worse, but I wouldn't be surprised if there is someone else, honestly.
He is treating you like dirt because he is feeling guilty about something. By treating you like a psycho, he is trying to pass the guilt to you.
Also, about the "getting under another man to get over the first" advice. DON'T let people talk you into that BS. I'm sure you're aware of the possible outcome. Take care of yourself and seek some help either from your pastor or a therapist. The things you are experiencing right now sound like more than the standard sadness after a break up.
I think you dodged a bullet. Not only that, but the trash just took itself out. That almost never happens!
Yep, he is pushing you away for a reason. |
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 Expert
Posts: 2097
Location: Deep South | Break ups are really hard. They just suck. Plain and simple. Nothing any of us say will make you feel better.
But I think you should know that all of us have been there. I am a firm believer that every person gets their heart broke at LEAST once. I think it helps us be more compassionate, empathetic, and grateful for when we do find the one we are supposed to be with.
My advice... As BADLY as you just want to talk to him. Don't.
Don't call him, don't text him, don't stop by to see him.
And I can almost guarantee you that as soon as you START to feel a little bit better, just start thinking maybe you CAN do this, he is going to contact you. "Baby I think we should talk." or... "Babe, you want to grab a bite to eat?" Something that seems completely harmless. My advice.... Don't.
I promise you won't feel better, even as much as you convince yourself that it will help. It will only prolong your getting over him. It will only make it harder in the long run.
Break ups really are like ripping off the band aid. They are going to hurt regardless, but the more time you spend pulling it off the longer they hurt. The quicker you do it, the sooner you get over it. |
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 You get what you give
Posts: 13030
Location: Texas | been there done that, just in July. Although mine gave me his reasons and wants to work on things. It's now in my court I guess what I want to do. I don't think I can ever make myself busy enough to get it off my mind…and I'm taking 20 hours in vet school. |
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 Good Grief!
Posts: 6343
Location: Cap'n Joan Rotgut.....alberta | Griz - 2014-09-19 4:33 AM I shudder to think what my life may have been like if I would have stayed with the guy I was with at 21. Girl, this is THE time of your life, enjoy YOU, do things YOU enjoy - you have your whole life to find a man! (Gawd, I sound old - but really it's TRUE)! Learn to love and enjoy YOURSELF!!
im with griz on this one...............
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 330
| Just Plain Lucky - 2014-09-17 10:19 PM
He sounds very immature. I don't want to make you feel worse, but I wouldn't be surprised if there is someone else, honestly.
He is treating you like dirt because he is feeling guilty about something. By treating you like a psycho, he is trying to pass the guilt to you.
Also, about the "getting under another man to get over the first" advice. DON'T let people talk you into that BS. I'm sure you're aware of the possible outcome. Take care of yourself and seek some help either from your pastor or a therapist. The things you are experiencing right now sound like more than the standard sadness after a break up.
I think you dodged a bullet. Not only that, but the trash just took itself out. That almost never happens!
^This.
I've been in your shoes before (I'm 28 now). Feels like your heart was ripped out and you want to do anything you can to fix it.
I don't want to put more panic into your already anxiety-filled state, but guys don't end things for no apparent reason. I agree with Just Plain Lucky that something is going on, whether it be that he's planning to go have fun with someone else, or he already is.
And honestly, either way, you're better than that. If he can't be up front and discuss the relationship in a mature manner, let him go. If he can't have the cahones to just say why he's leaving (there is a reason, for him to say "no reason, I just need space" is bogus) then let him go and don't take him back. |
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Extreme Veteran
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| BamaCanChaser - 2014-09-18 9:22 AM
Break ups are really hard. They just suck. Plain and simple. Nothing any of us say will make you feel better.
But I think you should know that all of us have been there. I am a firm believer that every person gets their heart broke at LEAST once. I think it helps us be more compassionate, empathetic, and grateful for when we do find the one we are supposed to be with.
My advice... As BADLY as you just want to talk to him. Don't.
Don't call him, don't text him, don't stop by to see him.
And I can almost guarantee you that as soon as you START to feel a little bit better, just start thinking maybe you CAN do this, he is going to contact you. "Baby I think we should talk." or... "Babe, you want to grab a bite to eat?" Something that seems completely harmless. My advice.... Don't.
I promise you won't feel better, even as much as you convince yourself that it will help. It will only prolong your getting over him. It will only make it harder in the long run.
Break ups really are like ripping off the band aid. They are going to hurt regardless, but the more time you spend pulling it off the longer they hurt. The quicker you do it, the sooner you get over it.
Great advice! I agree completely!
This is what I did....
In my phone address book, under my ex's name, I put a close girlfriend's phone number. That way, when I texted him or called him, it didn't really go to him, it went to a girlfriend who could talk me back off the ledge. Worked like a charm! |
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 Expert
Posts: 2457
| Griz - 2014-09-18 5:33 AM
I shudder to think what my life may have been like if I would have stayed with the guy I was with at 21. Girl, this is THE time of your life, enjoy YOU, do things YOU enjoy - you have your whole life to find a man! (Gawd, I sound old - but really it's TRUE)! Learn to love and enjoy YOURSELF!!
Griz has a point - do things that you enjoy. Put yourself back together slowly and allow yourself to grieve over the loss. Then go ENJOY the heck out of your life!!!!
Maybe talk with your pastor or someone you trust at church? Allowing yourself to vent to someone who knows you and your morals can be very uplifting and empowering.
prayers and hugs that you continue to heal!! |
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 Cute Little Imp
Posts: 2747
Location: N Texas | I have been in your situation, but on the other side. I was the one who broke up with someone "out of the blue" after being together for about 5 years. We started dating at 18, I thought I had found The One, we got engaged, and then as things got more serious (having to actually plan a wedding, looking at houses), I realized he wasn't the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Ending our relationship was a decision I did not take lightly, and he didn't see it coming, but let me tell you, it wasn't "out of the blue". I KNOW I gave him signs things weren't right and he knew it, but didn't want to admit it. So there are signs, but people either choose to ignore them, or don't realize it's actually a sign. People don't break up with someone they've been in a long-term relationship with for NO reason. There IS a reason, you just don't know what it is and he's too chicken sh!t to tell you what it is.
The fact that he is cutting all contact with you and refuses to talk to you shows how guilty he's feeling and he's not man enough to explain himself. He's hoping you'll just go away so he doesn't have to deal with what he did.
So whether he's seeing someone else or just had a change of heart, just let him go. I know it's hard, but if you take him back, chances are he'll do it again. If he's willing to let you go to "sow his oats" or whatever he's doing, he doesn't deserve you. |
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  Friendly horse swapper
Posts: 4122
Location: Buffalo, TX | Griz - 2014-09-18 5:33 AM I shudder to think what my life may have been like if I would have stayed with the guy I was with at 21. Girl, this is THE time of your life, enjoy YOU, do things YOU enjoy - you have your whole life to find a man! (Gawd, I sound old - but really it's TRUE)! Learn to love and enjoy YOURSELF!!
Couldn't have said it better...I think the guy sounds very immature and I imagine she will look back and be grateful for this day....
BTW, my guess is he met another woman and is too chicken to face you with the truth...so sorry you are going through this, but in my opinion, you deserve better.... |
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 Ima Fickle Fan
Posts: 3547
Location: Texas | It's either another girl, drugs, or another issue you don't want to deal with. As much as it hurts, count your blessings that he did this now and not when you were married with kids.
He's not mature. A man handles issues, he doesn't avoid them. And this one threatens a restraining order since you won't allow him to be a coward. That speaks volumes.
List him in you phone as @$$hole or something else. Do NOT contact him. Give him enough space and you'll hear from him again. Be prepared for that. You never know when it will happen, but he will show up again at some point just like a bad penny. I hope for your sake, you are strong enough to tell him where to stick what he has to say.
Good luck. Cry for a day and move on. He's not worth your tears. Fake it till you make it. Spend time with horses, family, and friends. Stay so busy that you don't have time to think about him. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
Location: Somewhere in the middle of nowhere | I wouldn't change his name in my phone at all...I would just block him completely that way he can't mess with my mind and make me go through the hurt again, but that is what I would do. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1094
Location: Idahome | Been there! Dated a guy for a while in high school. He was a year ahead of me so he graduated and left town while we were still together. Broke my heart the day he came home and told me we were breaking up. I didn't get off the couch for a week. Then I learned that it was funner being single and I could do what I wanted. (I came to find out he was cheating)
Went off to college and met new friends and the person who is my best friend and husband. Couldn't see my lift any different and when I look back it was the best thing. Hugs to you, it will all be better in the end. |
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 No Tune in a Bucket
Posts: 2935
Location: Texas | Gunner11 - 2014-09-18 9:51 AM I have been in your situation, but on the other side. I was the one who broke up with someone "out of the blue" after being together for about 5 years. We started dating at 18, I thought I had found The One, we got engaged, and then as things got more serious (having to actually plan a wedding, looking at houses), I realized he wasn't the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Ending our relationship was a decision I did not take lightly, and he didn't see it coming, but let me tell you, it wasn't "out of the blue". I KNOW I gave him signs things weren't right and he knew it, but didn't want to admit it. So there are signs, but people either choose to ignore them, or don't realize it's actually a sign. People don't break up with someone they've been in a long-term relationship with for NO reason. There IS a reason, you just don't know what it is and he's too chicken sh!t to tell you what it is. The fact that he is cutting all contact with you and refuses to talk to you shows how guilty he's feeling and he's not man enough to explain himself. He's hoping you'll just go away so he doesn't have to deal with what he did. So whether he's seeing someone else or just had a change of heart, just let him go. I know it's hard, but if you take him back, chances are he'll do it again. If he's willing to let you go to "sow his oats" or whatever he's doing, he doesn't deserve you.
This was me 40 years ago. My boyfriend and I had dated off and on (mostly on) thru jr high and high school. Got engaged in hs. I met my current husband and he asked me out. I knew that if I wanted to go out with him that bad, the engagement wasn't right. I have only seen the ex a couple of times in that 40 years and I think with time we both realized it was for the best. Now that doesn't excuse him from being an a$$hole but you need to let it go. Not easy, but you can do it and will be better for it. Go ride you horse. It is the best therapy ever. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 929
| Griz - 2014-09-18 3:33 AM
I shudder to think what my life may have been like if I would have stayed with the guy I was with at 21. Girl, this is THE time of your life, enjoy YOU, do things YOU enjoy - you have your whole life to find a man! (Gawd, I sound old - but really it's TRUE)! Learn to love and enjoy YOURSELF!!
I agree with this. I remember being madly in love with my bf when I was 21 and after 4 years he dumped me. Turns out it was to be with my supposed best friend. After vomiting every day for a month and losing 30 lbs I "tried" to get over him. (Yes, it took a while, I'm not going to lie.) now that I am 35 I am SOOOO happy that I didn't hitch my wagon to his star. He was NOT a star. It will be hard, life will suck for several months...trust me, and DON'T lay under one to get over one!! But you will eventually get over him and move on.
It does seem very immature that he is going to these lengths to block you on facebook, get a restraining order if you are not being a psycho stalker/texter, etc. Count your blessings and look to God for help. Good luck, hun. |
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Good Ole Boys just Fine with Me
Posts: 2869
Location: SE Missouri | You have so many offering great advice. I hope you listen and don't take him back if he comes back around. He didn't decide this over night, he was just too chicken to discuss the issues he was having with it. Go find yourself, stand on your own two feet and do whatever YOU want to do. Time really heals and gives you perspective. Take one day at a time and stay busy. You really will be ok.
Prayers for you during this rough spot.
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 I Chore in Chucks
Posts: 2882
Location: MD | Just Plain Lucky is on point. He's passing the guilt onto you and there is either someone else, or he's got someone in his ear.
stay busy. find things to make you happy. enjoy your youth!
and i 2nd the opinion that the trash took itself out! If he genuinely needed some time apart he wouldn't do it by making you feel like garbage. Lose the loser! |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| Thank you everyone for the prayers and support. I really do appreciate it. I'm slowly getting a little better everyday but just feel straight up blah if that's even a feeling. Don't worry I'm not contacting him. It's hard but I'm not. I can definitely tell you drugs is not it, he's completely against drugs. Could be wanting to be with other girls..but I also feel like he got cocky as soon as he started making bank and got into the pipe fitters. He just started working for them last week and he broke it off on Sunday. That's all he started to talk about. Guess I didn't fit into his plans. Anyways, I'm tryin to stay strong and I hate that everyone else has had to go through heart break to give me such good advice and words of wisdom. It really sucks. But thank you guys <3 |
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 Veteran
Posts: 151
| There is great advice here. It is so hard to go through, and I think he is being especially mean and cold-hearted with the threats and blocking. You're poor heart has just been ripped out with no conversation and closure! I'm so sorry. I am old - lol, but went through this too and can remember waking up in the middle of the night with such bad panic I couldn't breathe. It felt like I couldn't get through the next 20 seconds...
Also, I was the same way about being around other people. I would want to be with my friends and then two seconds later need to get away from them.
But I was always great about NEVER calling, and in the end that was really the best thing. No matter his reason, this was a horrible way to treat you, I hope you don't give him a second chance! |
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 A Barrel Of Monkeys
Posts: 12972
Location: Texas | Aren't you glad you found out the kind of person is now, instead of spending one more day with him?
You've received great advice here. Give it time, and you will look back and thank your lucky stars he showed you his true colors. That's who he is - believe him.
Friends on BHW helped me thru a bad divorce a few years ago. My ex turned terribly cruel too. That's when you know you never want to go back to them. They show you they can't be trusted with your heart.
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| Thank you guys..it means a lot. It's really tough but I'm doin ok. |
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Thread Killer
Posts: 7545
| blccwgl55 - 2014-09-23 6:37 PM Thank you guys..it means a lot. It's really tough but I'm doin ok.
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 I'm Cooler Offline
Posts: 6387
Location: Pacific Northwest | Oh my goodness I'm going through almost the exact same thing. Including the waking up feeling sick. I didn't eat for 3 days straight and I hadn't even REALIZED I wasn't eating. I'm down to 105 and people keep asking me if I have an eating disorder. It's been two weeks and I'm slowly becoming more normal and I'm making an effort to actually eat even though I'm just not hungry.
I'm 25 but this was my first real relationship and therefore my first break up. I wonder if I would have been better off if I'd had more experience through high school.
Edited by livexlovexrodeo 2014-09-24 1:36 AM
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | Just Plain Lucky - 2014-09-17 9:19 PM He sounds very immature. I don't want to make you feel worse, but I wouldn't be surprised if there is someone else, honestly.
He is treating you like dirt because he is feeling guilty about something. By treating you like a psycho, he is trying to pass the guilt to you.
Also, about the "getting under another man to get over the first" advice. DON'T let people talk you into that BS. I'm sure you're aware of the possible outcome. Take care of yourself and seek some help either from your pastor or a therapist. The things you are experiencing right now sound like more than the standard sadness after a break up.
I think you dodged a bullet. Not only that, but the trash just took itself out. That almost never happens!
I'm going to have to agree. It hurts, yes I've been there....but him acting the way he is...should be a sign. None of us will really know the story,, and you probably won't either...because he is hiding something.
When my boyfriend and I took a break, he didn't delete me off facebook, nor threaten me with a restraining order. Your ex is hiding something I'm sorry to say :(
Hugs and prayers to you. You should only focus on your happiness, instead of trying to make him or anyone else happy. |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| I'm sorry you all have went through this or are going through it right now. Please don't let em break you down!! God does things for a reason. I would tell my anyone this stuff and need to listen to my own advice. Thanks for all the advice again, it means a lot. He hasn't blocked me but told me this morning that he just made up his mind and wants to leave it at that. I truly believe now that it's because he doesn't wanna be tied down and he told me that. I was afraid he would forget about me as soon as he got into the pipe fitters and I was right. I know how a lot of those oil and gas workers are and I didn't want that to happen but I knew it'd be a possibility, just thought he'd love me more than that. I truly think that he still has feelings for me but is the kind that is stubborn and although may feel regret won't usually go back when they make up their mind or will admit they're wrong. Even though I told him I wasn't trying to get back together with him and just wanted to end things on a good note he just kept sayin that he made up his mind and didn't wanna talk about it "Berk". My name's Berkeley by the way. He wasn't even seeing what I was saying and kept just wanting to say he made up his mind which makes me think he did and doesn't wanna feel anything for me. I'm not naive, I know it's shitty and he doesn't care about me enough if he's done that but I do know that it's bothering him and he doesn't wanna feel anything so he's refusing to even talk to me. Wish he'd grow a pair but that's his loss, not mine. He'll realize someday what he had. I already feel so much better though that he told me what was up and I'm not sitting here wondering exactly what was wrong, helps me heal. |
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Cute Little Imp
Posts: 2747
Location: N Texas | blccwgl55 - 2014-09-24 9:21 AM
I'm sorry you all have went through this or are going through it right now. Please don't let em break you down!! God does things for a reason. I would tell my anyone this stuff and need to listen to my own advice. Thanks for all the advice again, it means a lot. He hasn't blocked me but told me this morning that he just made up his mind and wants to leave it at that. I truly believe now that it's because he doesn't wanna be tied down and he told me that. I was afraid he would forget about me as soon as he got into the pipe fitters and I was right. I know how a lot of those oil and gas workers are and I didn't want that to happen but I knew it'd be a possibility, just thought he'd love me more than that. I truly think that he still has feelings for me but is the kind that is stubborn and although may feel regret won't usually go back when they make up their mind or will admit they're wrong. Even though I told him I wasn't trying to get back together with him and just wanted to end things on a good note he just kept sayin that he made up his mind and didn't wanna talk about it "Berk". My name's Berkeley by the way. He wasn't even seeing what I was saying and kept just wanting to say he made up his mind which makes me think he did and doesn't wanna feel anything for me. I'm not naive, I know it's shitty and he doesn't care about me enough if he's done that but I do know that it's bothering him and he doesn't wanna feel anything so he's refusing to even talk to me. Wish he'd grow a pair but that's his loss, not mine. He'll realize someday what he had. I already feel so much better though that he told me what was up and I'm not sitting here wondering exactly what was wrong, helps me heal.
I'm glad he at least gave you that much! I know from experience that it sucks SO bad when someone won't give you "closure". It really helps to move on if you know WHY they don't want to be with you anymore. Stay strong, you'll get through this! |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| Thank you! I'm staying strong. What's weird, and I'm really not looking or anything, is that a guy who I feel like is the "where have you been" kind of guy came out of nowhere and I'm just amazed at how nice I can be treated. I'm not saying I was treated horrible but not appreciated like I should've been. My heart obviously still loves my ex boyfriend because we've been through a lot and for so long but I also have realized so much in these past two weeks...I'm on a different level than he is. He's so immature and we don't have the same goals in life. I think I thought he did because I wanted to believe he was where I was at but no. This guy I hung out with yesterday was like a breath of fresh air. He has his shit together. I hate to even type this because it almost hurts my feelings for him to say that he's not where I am but he's just not. He wants to be selfish and be a boy living the single life. Sorry but I'm not gonna be in a long term relationship for that. It hurts because I still care for him so deeply but now I'm realizing that I think it's best and I NEVER thought I'd say that ever. I mean EVER. I'm really not looking for anyone else by the way but just hanging out with that man yesterday, whether it's something or not, made me realize what I deserve. The only way I could give my ex boyfriend another chance is if he grew up and showed me he cared but that doesn't happen over night and will take a long time and I'm not waiting around. It's not fair for me to. My heart still feels blah and my mind is being screwed but I'm getting through it thankfully for God, you all, and good people. |
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 Do You Feel Lucky Punk?
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Location: NM...the Land of Manana |  |
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 Tough Patooty
Posts: 2615
Location: Sperry, OK | blccwgl55 - 2014-09-28 7:12 PM Thank you! I'm staying strong. What's weird, and I'm really not looking or anything, is that a guy who I feel like is the "where have you been" kind of guy came out of nowhere and I'm just amazed at how nice I can be treated. I'm not saying I was treated horrible but not appreciated like I should've been. My heart obviously still loves my ex boyfriend because we've been through a lot and for so long but I also have realized so much in these past two weeks...I'm on a different level than he is. He's so immature and we don't have the same goals in life. I think I thought he did because I wanted to believe he was where I was at but no. This guy I hung out with yesterday was like a breath of fresh air. He has his shit together. I hate to even type this because it almost hurts my feelings for him to say that he's not where I am but he's just not. He wants to be selfish and be a boy living the single life. Sorry but I'm not gonna be in a long term relationship for that. It hurts because I still care for him so deeply but now I'm realizing that I think it's best and I NEVER thought I'd say that ever. I mean EVER. I'm really not looking for anyone else by the way but just hanging out with that man yesterday, whether it's something or not, made me realize what I deserve. The only way I could give my ex boyfriend another chance is if he grew up and showed me he cared but that doesn't happen over night and will take a long time and I'm not waiting around. It's not fair for me to. My heart still feels blah and my mind is being screwed but I'm getting through it thankfully for God, you all, and good people.
Where is the "LIKE" button when you need it! Sometimes the "one" comes along when you least expect it! Please don't shut this new guy out, leave the door open and see where it goes. |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| Thank you guys!! I'm so amazed at how God works! I think we need the like button back. Lol. My ex boyfriend would never come see me because I live 2 and a half hours away from him during school. He'd never save the money or anything and said he hated where I love but this guy said if he doesn't work this weekend he'll be making the similar drive so I can get my dance with him because he knows I like to dance. He's so sweet and I just feel in awe at how he's treating me. It's so nice and I feel so happy. I'm definitely not going to shut him out, I'm going to see where it goes. Thank you guys |
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 Expert
Posts: 1482
Location: on my horse | Awwwww!! I'm glad you're doing better and have someone of interest who treats you well! |
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 Sock eating dog owner
Posts: 4557
Location: Where the pavement ends and the West begins Utah | Keep going to school and dig deep into school . Ditch the phone you have and get a new one and dont keep his number.He gave you wings now fly and fly high and far away.  |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 330
| ACEINTHEHOLE - 2014-09-29 10:30 AM blccwgl55 - 2014-09-28 7:12 PM Thank you! I'm staying strong. What's weird, and I'm really not looking or anything, is that a guy who I feel like is the "where have you been" kind of guy came out of nowhere and I'm just amazed at how nice I can be treated. I'm not saying I was treated horrible but not appreciated like I should've been. My heart obviously still loves my ex boyfriend because we've been through a lot and for so long but I also have realized so much in these past two weeks...I'm on a different level than he is. He's so immature and we don't have the same goals in life. I think I thought he did because I wanted to believe he was where I was at but no. This guy I hung out with yesterday was like a breath of fresh air. He has his shit together. I hate to even type this because it almost hurts my feelings for him to say that he's not where I am but he's just not. He wants to be selfish and be a boy living the single life. Sorry but I'm not gonna be in a long term relationship for that. It hurts because I still care for him so deeply but now I'm realizing that I think it's best and I NEVER thought I'd say that ever. I mean EVER. I'm really not looking for anyone else by the way but just hanging out with that man yesterday, whether it's something or not, made me realize what I deserve. The only way I could give my ex boyfriend another chance is if he grew up and showed me he cared but that doesn't happen over night and will take a long time and I'm not waiting around. It's not fair for me to. My heart still feels blah and my mind is being screwed but I'm getting through it thankfully for God, you all, and good people. Where is the "LIKE" button when you need it! Sometimes the "one" comes along when you least expect it! Please don't shut this new guy out, leave the door open and see where it goes.
I will respectfully disagree, based on my own experience with pretty much the same situation you are going through OP!
Don't rush into something else. Just.don't.do.it.
You were with your guy for four years...you haven't been apart that long...you do not want to be in a situation a few months down the road where you genuinely like the new guy, and have your old one waltz back and say he's sorry, and still loves you, and wants you back. Then you are in a really shitty position - two guys, there's only one of you, one of them is going to get hurt, and you're going to feel bad because you'll blame yourself for hurting one of them (even though your ex is a douche, hehe!)
And don't you think for ONE MINUTE that he won't care when he finds out that you're hanging out with another guy...he was with you for four years too, finding out you're hanging out with someone else is going to be a hard pill to swallow for him even if he is hiding something or he insists that he's over you.
I've been there! It's not a good position. Let your head clear, give yourself TIME, before moving onto someone else. You need to feel genuinely OKAY being alone, you need to have no baggage left from your previous relationship. You need to feel at peace before moving on, and right now it doesn't seem like you are totally at peace with the way things ended, not that long ago.
My motto is: until I am GENUINELY OKAY thinking about my ex moving on to someone else, I'm not ready myself.
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| Thank you for the advice and kind words everyone. I'm really really not trying to move on too fast. It's just nice to talk to someone with the same interests, goals, and at the same level as me. And maybe it'll bloom into something else, I don't know. I still hurt thinking about what happened but I keep reminding myself how he treated me and the things he did and it just wasn't ok. I just was so blinded before and was holding on to MY love for him because I don't think his existed. I cared about him more than he cared about me. He's not a bad person but he's all about himself and doesn't have room for me. As selfish as he is, and this will sound totally opposite, but I don't think he loves himself either so how could he even love me? I'm just so thankful God has shown me that it was for the better because if he didn't I'd still be trying to hold on and run after him. I catch myself missing him obviously because it just happened but I think a lot of it has to do with being comfortable. He was my life everyday for a long time and now he's not there so it's an adjustment. I just look back now and see that it was falling apart a long time ago and I was giving so much of my love and he wasn't. I actually don't have the desire to talk to him because I need time to heal and I don't want him interfering. I wanted to think it could work but it won't and I have been holding on to someone and something that didn't exist. I'm doing a lot better than I thought I would with this, I think it was a long time coming. But I'm gonna take things slow and think about me and where God will take me. |
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Cute Little Imp
Posts: 2747
Location: N Texas | I'm very proud of you for the amount of progress you've made in such a short amount of time. God puts people in our lives for a reason. This new guy may not be The One, and it may never turn into anything, but he showed you what it's like to be treated right, and helped you realize how wrong for you your ex is.
Based on what you've said about your ex, if he comes back later on and begs forgiveness, I wouldn't give him the time of day. He may have an epiphany that he made a huge mistake, but I wouldn't put it past him to pull that crap again. You deserve someone who cares so much about you that they would NEVER EVER even consider letting you go. |
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OT but need some support/advice.