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 Party Girl
Posts: 12293
   
Location: Buffalo, Wyoming | I will be meeting my soon to be step-daughter (I don't like that word) for the first time in about 3 weeks. Her dad and I have been together for over 5 years and it will be the first time in those 5 years he has seen her as well. Nothing to do with me.
Long story short, she is now 18 and has realized not everything that went wrong was her dads fault and has reached out to him to put things behind them. We will be meeting her and her boyfriend. She reached out to her grandma (SO's mom) a couple of weeks ago to see if she could spend Christmas with them (every other year his whole family gets together for Christmas and this just happens to be the year). SO wanted to meet with her before Christmas to get all the akwardness out of the way.
I am so dang excited this is finally happening and have told him for 5 years that one day she will want her dad back in her life. Just happens to be now.
Now I don't know what to do when I meet her. Do I hug her, shake her hand, tell her nice to meet you.... I have really no clue. Any advice would be great!
Edited by UTAHCANCHASER 2014-10-13 10:25 AM
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 Popped
Posts: 20421
Location: LuluLand~along I64 Indiana | tell her you have waited for this day for a very long time and then give her a big ole hug. |
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 Firecracker Dog Lover
Posts: 3175
| I agree with Lulu! Keep us posted! |
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Good Ole Boys just Fine with Me
Posts: 2869
Location: SE Missouri | THAT IS AWESOME!!!
A big sincere hug and tell her how glad you are to meet her! Just roll right with it and it will make it less weird for her. Or start with a hand shake and when they leave hug them. (screw the handshake, give that girl a hug) THat's how it's supposed to be, lol.. I'm from a little farther south, so everyone gets hugs when you are meeting the family, lol... (kids, boyfriends, girlfriends, friends, inlaws, it doesn't matter that's just the deal, lol)
Edited by abrooks 2014-09-25 4:34 PM
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 Go Your Own Way
Posts: 4947
Location: SE KS | give her a hug and tell her you are so excited this day has come... it will make her feel very welcomed and you will
be great in her eyes... be honest. |
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Party Girl
Posts: 12293
Location: Buffalo, Wyoming | abrooks - 2014-09-25 3:32 PM THAT IS AWESOME!!!
A big sincere hug and tell her how glad you are to meet her! Just roll right with it and it will make it less weird for her. Or start with a hand shake and when they leave hug them. (screw the handshake, give that girl a hug) THat's how it's supposed to be, lol.. I'm from a little farther south, so everyone gets hugs when you are meeting the family, lol... (kids, boyfriends, girlfriends, friends, inlaws, it doesn't matter that's just the deal, lol)
The SO is from Texas and all his family are huggers. |
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Good Ole Boys just Fine with Me
Posts: 2869
Location: SE Missouri | UTAHCANCHASER - 2014-09-25 4:35 PM abrooks - 2014-09-25 3:32 PM THAT IS AWESOME!!!
A big sincere hug and tell her how glad you are to meet her! Just roll right with it and it will make it less weird for her. Or start with a hand shake and when they leave hug them. (screw the handshake, give that girl a hug) THat's how it's supposed to be, lol.. I'm from a little farther south, so everyone gets hugs when you are meeting the family, lol... (kids, boyfriends, girlfriends, friends, inlaws, it doesn't matter that's just the deal, lol)
Well there ya go!!!! Gotta go with a hug then, lol..
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 Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | Everyone loves hugs!!  |
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 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| Be your warm and friendly self! Be prepared to have her set back slightly from you and not engage with you, it will be hard for her to know that her Dad has spent all this time away from her, but tons of time and shared memories with another female. That's just human feelings, and nothing personal against you. I have a 19 year old stepdaughter, and she's growing less suspicious of me all the time, but it's taken a couple years. Just remember to always be yourself, never stop smiling, and never act as though you disapprove of anything she does. You'll do great!! |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | luluwhit - 2014-09-25 4:25 PM tell her you have waited for this day for a very long time and then give her a big ole hug.
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 Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | luluwhit - 2014-09-25 4:25 PM tell her you have waited for this day for a very long time and then give her a big ole hug.
Yes, definitely this. |
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 Namesless in BHW
Posts: 10368
Location: At the race track with Ah Dee Ohs | luluwhit - 2014-09-25 4:25 PM tell her you have waited for this day for a very long time and then give her a big ole hug.
^^^THIS |
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Veteran
Posts: 186
Location: Good ole SE Mo | No additional advice than what's already been given but I do want to say that you have given me hope that one day by husband's kids will reach out to him and want to get to know him. Long stupid story but end result was we don't get to see them or have anything to do with them. Congrats to you and him! |
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  Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | I am going to jump in on the other side. I would suggest that you take your "cue" from HER body language....Some people are just NOT huggers and dislike being touched. I would give her a big ol' smile and tell her how very happy you are to meet her and ask "Can I give you a hug?" Good Luck! |
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 The Purple Princess
Posts: 2226
Location: Charlestown, IN | I agree with getting a feel for her body language before you go all out hugging her. I am personally not a hugger. I actually went thru the same situation a few years ago. Good luck, hope it turns out well for everyone. |
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 BHW's Lance Armstrong 
Posts: 11134
Location: Somewhere between S@%&# stirrer and Saint | UTAHCANCHASER - 2014-09-25 4:19 PM I will be meeting my soon to be step-daughter (I don't like that word) for the first time in about 3 weeks. Her dad and I have been together for over 5 years and it will be the first time in those 5 years he has seen her as well. Nothing to do with me.
Long story short, she is now 18 and has realized not everything that went wrong was her dads fault and has reached out to him to put things behind them. We will be meeting her and her boyfriend. She reached out to her grandma (SO's mom) a couple of weeks ago to see if she could spend Christmas with them (every other year his whole family gets together for Christmas and this just happens to be the year). SO wanted to meet with her before Christmas to get all the akwardness out of the way.
I am so dang excited this is finally happening and have told him for 5 years that one day she will want her dad back in her life. Just happens to be now.
Now I don't know what to do when I meet her. Do I hug her, shake her hand, tell her nice to meet you.... I have really no clue. Any advice would be great!
Girls do this type of thing. Been there done that! It is called patching things up with daddy so he will pay for my wedding! |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | I agree with NJJ dont be so fast to start hugging her, she has not seen her dad in 5 years, give her time to get that feeling of love going, I would watch how she reacts to her dad, after she had some time to dad, and if you feel like it you need to ask her for a hug. When you meet her just give a big smile and shake her hand. Unless she hugs you first and if this happen's then I say hug away. 
Edited by Southtxponygirl 2014-09-26 10:34 AM
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 Expert
Posts: 3782
Location: Gainesville, TX | I'm glad some people have made the suggestion not to immediately jump in and give a hug. I'm NOT a hugger with people I don't know, barely a hand shaker. It doesn't mean I'm not friendly and won't talk your ear off. But I only tend to hug family and close friends and usually at birthdays and Christmas. I'm really stiff in a hug with a person I'm not familiar with, just isn't easy for me. Always been that way. |
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| I've been in the situation of your soon to be step daughter...
I'd say to go off her body language... i dont like being touched by others and in this situation i agree she will be jealous of you more than likely and you dont want to push yourself on her.. just be yourself.
I didn't have anything to do with my dad for about 7 years too until i finally got moved out of my mothers house then started reconnecting. Now we vacation together and if i dont see him for a few days i begin to miss him :) It is so sad to think i missed 7 years of this! But divorce is tough on everyone. so to everyone out there in similar instances just give the kidos time! you have no idea what they were told and what the situations all were. |
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 Hugs to You
Posts: 7551
Location: In The Land of Cotton | I personally don't liked to be hugged, unless I really, really, like you. So, my suggestion is what NJJ said.
And, another suggestion - no matter what she says about lost time, no contact, her mother - DO NOT say a word. Use the hmm sound if you have to. Later as the relationship develops - words like - I wish things were different, your mother and father could not communicate very well, both parties had things to work on. Even if the mother was a total BA and you have written and verbal proof, don't mention it.
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Party Girl
Posts: 12293
Location: Buffalo, Wyoming | Thanks everyone! I think the best thing to do would be for her and her dad to meet alone first and maybe later that night or the next day we could all get together. I personally think it would be a little awkward for me to be there when they first start talking. I do not know all the details and I would rather them hash that out themselves.
I am not a big hugger unless I really know you... so I think I will just play it by ear and see how things go. Her parents have not been together since she was a year old so I don't think she will think I am the "other woman". I also come from a split family and am hoping that helps a little. I don't know at all how she feels as my dad was in my life the whole time but I have feelings of what she is going through.
And I can tell you I am 99% sure she isn't doing this so her dad will "pay for her wedding". From what we have heard from SO's mom she has a path she plans to follow and I doubt she will be getting married anytime soon.
Edited by UTAHCANCHASER 2014-09-26 11:38 AM
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Party Girl
Posts: 12293
Location: Buffalo, Wyoming | This Saturday is the day! Getting more and more excited everyday.
One more question: Should we bring her a gift or just play it out and see how it goes? |
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 Dog Resuce Agent
Posts: 3459
Location: southeast Texas | luluwhit - 2014-09-25 4:25 PM tell her you have waited for this day for a very long time and then give her a big ole hug. ^^^this^^^
get over not being a big hugger. If I can do it, you can too. Start making a point of hugging. Just because you can. Then one day it will be natural. Like saddening a horse/colt for the first time. After a while, no big deal.
Oh, and gifts are for Christmas, birthdays. Unless it is something very personal and you just want her to have it.
Good luck, takes pictures of her and her dad together and other family members with her.
Edited by roxieannie 2014-10-07 11:04 AM
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 Hot Dispatcher
Posts: 10185
Location: Utah | UTAHCANCHASER - 2014-10-07 9:42 AM This Saturday is the day! Getting more and more excited everyday.
One more question: Should we bring her a gift or just play it out and see how it goes?
Good Luck |
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 Strong Willed Woman
Posts: 6577
Location: Prosser, WA | Douglas J Gordon - 2014-09-26 8:23 AM
UTAHCANCHASER - 2014-09-25 4:19 PM I will be meeting my soon to be step-daughter (I don't like that word) for the first time in about 3 weeks. Her dad and I have been together for over 5 years and it will be the first time in those 5 years he has seen her as well. Nothing to do with me.
Long story short, she is now 18 and has realized not everything that went wrong was her dads fault and has reached out to him to put things behind them. We will be meeting her and her boyfriend. She reached out to her grandma (SO's mom) a couple of weeks ago to see if she could spend Christmas with them (every other year his whole family gets together for Christmas and this just happens to be the year). SO wanted to meet with her before Christmas to get all the akwardness out of the way.
I am so dang excited this is finally happening and have told him for 5 years that one day she will want her dad back in her life. Just happens to be now.
Now I don't know what to do when I meet her. Do I hug her, shake her hand, tell her nice to meet you.... I have really no clue. Any advice would be great!
Girls do this type of thing. Been there done that! It is called patching things up with daddy so he will pay for my wedding!
You have a pretty low opinion of women. There are lots of reasons besides money to reunite with a parent. |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | kanchazer - 2014-10-07 11:19 AM UTAHCANCHASER - 2014-10-07 9:42 AM This Saturday is the day! Getting more and more excited everyday.
One more question: Should we bring her a gift or just play it out and see how it goes? Good Luck
A gift would be kinda neat, do you know what she likes? |
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 Expert
Posts: 1857
| NJJ - 2014-09-26 9:23 AM
I am going to jump in on the other side. I would suggest that you take your "cue" from HER body language....Some people are just NOT huggers and dislike being touched. I would give her a big ol' smile and tell her how very happy you are to meet her and ask "Can I give you a hug?" Good Luck!
I'm not a hugger and I have been in the weird position of meeting someone for the first time after years and can say that I didn't want to be hugged and if they had asked to give me a hug I would have felt even more awkward and probably would have withdrawn. Just take the leads from her, let her guard come down before trying to get into her space. Sorry i'm the odd one out I guess. |
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Expert
Posts: 1857
| UTAHCANCHASER - 2014-10-07 10:42 AM
This Saturday is the day! Getting more and more excited everyday.
One more question: Should we bring her a gift or just play it out and see how it goes?
I think the best gift is a photo album of her dad through out the years.... his family, pictures of stuff that she wouldn't know. Good ice breaker too, help void the awkward silence that may happen. |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Hope all goes well! Since she is 18 I would do as the others have suggested like NJJ, ask her if you can hug her, respecting her space will go along way. Tell how excited you have been to meet her and you look forward to getting to know her and having her in your life. I would also add that you want her to feel comfortable with the new situation as well, that you have worried about coming across "too strong" or doing the wrong thing. Sometimes it is better to just say what your thoughts are then letting things hang in the air giving others a chance to interpret them differently then you intended. She is old enough to understand and appreciate your sincerity.
Edited by rodeomom3 2014-10-07 2:55 PM
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 If it Ain't a Paint it Ain't!
Posts: 8519
Location: Mansfield, Tx | FlyingJT - 2014-10-07 2:46 PM
UTAHCANCHASER - 2014-10-07 10:42 AM
This Saturday is the day! Getting more and more excited everyday.
One more question: Should we bring her a gift or just play it out and see how it goes?
I think the best gift is a photo album of her dad through out the years.... his family, pictures of stuff that she wouldn't know. Good ice breaker too, help void the awkward silence that may happen.
Or just a nice picture frame... and hopefully you will be able to take a picture of them together that night
and she can put it in that frame....
(put a note in the frame, picture coming soon, or something like that)
good luck....
I have to agree like one of the other posters said... this gives me hope that my husbands girls will one day
want to see him... ( ex's can sure play a BIG ugly part in divorce if they want to, very sad)
VERY HAPPY FOR HIM..... |
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 Thread Killer
Posts: 7545
| Douglas J Gordon - 2014-09-26 11:23 AM
UTAHCANCHASER - 2014-09-25 4:19 PM I will be meeting my soon to be step-daughter (I don't like that word) for the first time in about 3 weeks. Her dad and I have been together for over 5 years and it will be the first time in those 5 years he has seen her as well. Nothing to do with me.
Long story short, she is now 18 and has realized not everything that went wrong was her dads fault and has reached out to him to put things behind them. We will be meeting her and her boyfriend. She reached out to her grandma (SO's mom) a couple of weeks ago to see if she could spend Christmas with them (every other year his whole family gets together for Christmas and this just happens to be the year). SO wanted to meet with her before Christmas to get all the akwardness out of the way.
I am so dang excited this is finally happening and have told him for 5 years that one day she will want her dad back in her life. Just happens to be now.
Now I don't know what to do when I meet her. Do I hug her, shake her hand, tell her nice to meet you.... I have really no clue. Any advice would be great!
Girls do this type of thing. Been there done that! It is called patching things up with daddy so he will pay for my wedding!
Wow...
Anyway, good luck to you. Sending hugs and good vibes your way! |
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Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Douglas J Gordon - 2014-09-26 10:23 AM UTAHCANCHASER - 2014-09-25 4:19 PM I will be meeting my soon to be step-daughter (I don't like that word) for the first time in about 3 weeks. Her dad and I have been together for over 5 years and it will be the first time in those 5 years he has seen her as well. Nothing to do with me.
Long story short, she is now 18 and has realized not everything that went wrong was her dads fault and has reached out to him to put things behind them. We will be meeting her and her boyfriend. She reached out to her grandma (SO's mom) a couple of weeks ago to see if she could spend Christmas with them (every other year his whole family gets together for Christmas and this just happens to be the year). SO wanted to meet with her before Christmas to get all the akwardness out of the way.
I am so dang excited this is finally happening and have told him for 5 years that one day she will want her dad back in her life. Just happens to be now.
Now I don't know what to do when I meet her. Do I hug her, shake her hand, tell her nice to meet you.... I have really no clue. Any advice would be great!
Girls do this type of thing. Been there done that! It is called patching things up with daddy so he will pay for my wedding!
You seem to have problems with a lot of women  |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1114
Location: CA | IRunOnFaith - 2014-09-25 5:47 PM Everyone loves hugs!!
Edited by allaboutme 2014-10-07 11:35 PM
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 Witty Enough
Posts: 2954
Location: CTX | allaboutme - 2014-10-07 11:34 PM IRunOnFaith - 2014-09-25 5:47 PM Everyone loves hugs!!
Yea, I am with the no-hugger group here. Just take her lead, if she wants to hug go for your life. But if not then don't think about it. Don't want to make things more akward.
Anyway, good luck!! And let us know how it went. |
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Party Girl
Posts: 12293
Location: Buffalo, Wyoming | Here is a small update...
We spent all day with her on Saturday and things went great! Her and her dad went to breakfast and then picked me up afterward. No hugs right of the bat which was fine. We toured around and got to know each other. There is a bunch of drama going on with her and her mother and we told her we are here no matter what. Her dad told he is not trying to be instant dad but wants to be her friend and help her succeed. We will give her all the tools she needs if this is what she wants to do. After she graduated she kind of got pushed out and had to start doing things on her own. She has a great head on her shoulders and has some great goals. We are going to help her start building some credit and get her into school.
She is going to plan a trip to see us after hunting season and we are flying her to Arkansas to spend Christmas with all of us.
After dinner we were parting ways and she gave both of us a hug. We are taking baby steps for now but I think we are on the right track. I think she is finally seeing that her dad is not the only one in the wrong. |
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 Buttered Noodles Snacker
Posts: 4377
Location: NC | So glad it went so well |
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Namesless in BHW
Posts: 10368
Location: At the race track with Ah Dee Ohs | YAY! Sounds like all went well! |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | UTAHCANCHASER - 2014-10-13 10:31 AM Here is a small update...
We spent all day with her on Saturday and things went great! Her and her dad went to breakfast and then picked me up afterward. No hugs right of the bat which was fine. We toured around and got to know each other. There is a bunch of drama going on with her and her mother and we told her we are here no matter what. Her dad told he is not trying to be instant dad but wants to be her friend and help her succeed. We will give her all the tools she needs if this is what she wants to do. After she graduated she kind of got pushed out and had to start doing things on her own. She has a great head on her shoulders and has some great goals. We are going to help her start building some credit and get her into school.
She is going to plan a trip to see us after hunting season and we are flying her to Arkansas to spend Christmas with all of us.
After dinner we were parting ways and she gave both of us a hug. We are taking baby steps for now but I think we are on the right track. I think she is finally seeing that her dad is not the only one in the wrong.
Sounds like a good first meeting , now all it can do is just get better with time |
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Shelter Dog Lover
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Popped
Posts: 20421
Location: LuluLand~along I64 Indiana | thank you for the update and really glad that all went great. |
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Firecracker Dog Lover
Posts: 3175
| Thanks for the update!! Great news!!! |
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 Special Somebody
Posts: 3951
Location: Finally horseback again.... | Great news!!!
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 More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | Very happy for you and your dad. It sounds like she is a very nice girl with a head on her shoulders. |
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Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | Happy to hear that it went well......baby steps....... |
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Witty Enough
Posts: 2954
Location: CTX | Yay! Glad to hear it went well! Thanks for the update! |
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Party Girl
Posts: 12293
Location: Buffalo, Wyoming | Just another update on this situation:
Her and her boyfriend came to visit on Saturday and left Monday morning (pretty short trip). We had a great time! We are going to help her get enrolled in college and get her a car. We may also be able to put her to work PT in our business. The work that she would be doing for us can be done anywhere and is very easy. We bought her plane tickets for Christmas and she is very excited about it.
Things are going really well. She is a great girl!
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 That's White "Man" to You
Posts: 5515
| Great to hear the update! |
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If it Ain't a Paint it Ain't!
Posts: 8519
Location: Mansfield, Tx |
Glad things are working out.... |
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Popped
Posts: 20421
Location: LuluLand~along I64 Indiana | |
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Miracle in the Making
Posts: 4013
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yes this but don/t use that word step may i suggest the daughter you have waited 5yrs to meet? |
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Meeting for the first time... UPDATED