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 Expert
Posts: 1631
   
Location: Somewhere around here | Over the summer I started riding my husbands Hancock/Skipper W gelding and just piddled around on him for a while and I started using him for barrels. Surprisingly he caught on very well and we were loping a good pattern in just two weeks of on and off work. Lately I've been taking him to some jackpots to exhibition him and he's hitting the top of the 4D time but we are going to wait a little longer until I run him in the Open. Anyway, my husband thinks the world of this horse. He broke him, trained him, won a reining belt buckle on him, used him as a sale barn horse and everything. For a few years now he's just been a pasture ornament but once I started riding him my husband has been critiquing me a lot more than usual. I love his input, especially since he knows this horse, but I feel like it's too much. He says I need to be real soft with him and use my feet more (and I have been practicing with that) but I'm also the one who's been riding him and feeling him pull on the bit or ignore my leg cues. I try to tell my husband what I'm feeling when I ride though he disregards me and makes me feel like his horse can do no wrong.
Basically, how can I tell my husband (in the nicest way possible) to back off and just listen to me?  |
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Expert
Posts: 1314
Location: North Central Iowa Land of white frozen grass | Just tell him. Us men are very simple minded. You women need to just tells us what is on your mind. |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | You say that this is you're husbands horse right? I would say his horse his rules 
Edit to say: Maybe just ask hubby how he wants his horse to be riden 
Edited by Southtxponygirl 2014-10-04 6:56 PM
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Expert
Posts: 1314
Location: North Central Iowa Land of white frozen grass | I think that he is losing his horse to his wife. It should be the one on the horses back is whos rules the horse goes by. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1129
Location: OH-IO | BS Hauler - 2014-10-04 7:46 PM I think that he is losing his horse to his wife. It should be the one on the horses back is whos rules the horse goes by.
I agree..If your not the one sitting up there then you really cant tell whats going on...
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I'm Over It!!
Posts: 2830
| Just say "Yes, dear". And then do what you need to do to get the horse to work. Barrels is a whole different ball game. But you do need to use good solid horsemanship techniques to achieve what you want. |
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Cold hands and Warm Heart
Location: oklahoma | melaself - 2014-10-04 7:33 PM Just say "Yes, dear". And then do what you need to do to get the horse to work. Barrels is a whole different ball game. But you do need to use good solid horsemanship techniques to achieve what you want.
This^^^ |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Well if he likes what your doing with his horse then just go with the flow. |
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Location: not settling | Can I suggest you get your husband to ride the horse himself and realize that he isn't responding to the cues that your giving him as well as hubby thinks he is.. that's what I made my husband do when he critiqued me.. he shut up fast |
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10D Crack Champion
| Have him demonstrate what needs to be done. Be really nice about it as though you are truly interested in learning. If he is able to get the horse to do what you can't, then video him, take notes, whatever to try to do what works. If he can't get the horse to do what needs to be done, then tell him to bite his tongue so as not to hurt your feelings.
The other options is to just not ride the horse and ask your husband what his asking price is for the horse since he doesn't want to ride him and you can't ride him the way husband sees fit. Tell him the only alternative is to sell the horse. |
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Ms. Dr. Phil
Location: My happy place | Took me 30 years to figure out the best answer, and a little help from Dr.Phil. You say very nicely "Thank you for caring enough to share, I promise to weigh it carefully." Then you go right back to doing what works for you. It's great advice and they are so shocked after a few times they get real creative at trying to tell you what to do. It works great with know it all teenagers too. |
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 Horsey Gene Carrier
Posts: 1888
Location: LaBelle, Florida | Horses will work differently for different riders. I know this first hand. I had a horse that I broke and trained, however, he was bonded to my husband (at that time). A man could get on him and worked like a champ, I would get on him and he made me work for everything I got out of him.
Just tell him straight up or go with the yes dear plan and ride him like you need to. |
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 Famous for Not Complaining
Posts: 8848
Location: Broxton, Ga | Tell him to shut the "mess" up .........or hand him the reins............... |
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Expert
Posts: 1695
Location: Willows, CA | Why create a problem between you over this horse? Sounds like you already have an open horse to run, right? Two weeks is not enough time to turn a finished competitive Reiner into a barrel horse. Especially, if he has not been used for a while. If your husband started, trained and won on this horse he may have some valid input. I am sure that you know that riding reiners is different, and based on very light leg and seat signals along with a looser rein and lighter hands. I think you are asking a lot of both your husband and his horse in too short a time. Asking him, in a nice way, to ride his horse and show you what he feels you are missing, was good advice. If you insist on making his horse your project, try to do it together. That sounds like a fun project. Think about how you would feel if he decided to make your barrel horse into a Reiner that ge could show. |
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 Proud to be Deplorable
Posts: 1929
| Question: Is this your horse or is it your husbands? I ask you how would you feel if someone took your horse that you trained and showed successfully? If this is your husbands horse I would try to do what he says. Or if you can't do that than I would hand the reins of his horse back to him and move on. Now if he is trying to tell you how to ride other horses that's a different story. |
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 Peecans
| Coming from the other side of this exact situation. (I ride my husband pretty hard when he rides Annabell) some horses are just hard to hand the reins ive on. Its best to either leave his horse for him or ride the horse without him.
Im not sure what it is about my mare but I cringe when other people are on her, I know she can be silly and need corrected but I sure don't like watching it being done. He dose not ride her anymore after a rather large fight about her and getting sour on cattle.
But I do agree with the BB that said his horss his rules because I have been on both sides of this situation. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1034
| winwillows - 2014-10-05 9:39 AM
Why create a problem between you over this horse? Sounds like you already have an open horse to run, right? Two weeks is not enough time to turn a finished competitive Reiner into a barrel horse. Especially, if he has not been used for a while. If your husband started, trained and won on this horse he may have some valid input. I am sure that you know that riding reiners is different, and based on very light leg and seat signals along with a looser rein and lighter hands. I think you are asking a lot of both your husband and his horse in too short a time. Asking him, in a nice way, to ride his horse and show you what he feels you are missing, was good advice. If you insist on making his horse your project, try to do it together. That sounds like a fun project. Think about how you would feel if he decided to make your barrel horse into a Reiner that ge could show.
This is wisdom. I agree completely |
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Expert
Posts: 1631
Location: Somewhere around here | Thank you all for some advice and letting me vent a little bit. I talked to him about it a little today and he seemed to understand and suggested a few things that actually might help, admitting that his horse can be pretty stubborn at times and has always seemed to be more of a "one man" sort of horse.
Just wanting to clear though that he hasn't been on the barrels only two weeks, that was earlier in the summer in July. He's being ridden daily and does more than barrels but he has been on the pattern for a few months now, not just two weeks. But I understand how I typed that, making it sound like I have. Opps!!! |
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 Night Watchman
Posts: 5516
Location: Central Montana | I totally understand where you care coming from. My twin sister and I live together and we have solved this problem by not getting on each other's horse unless expressly asked for a specific reason. Otherwise it can turn in to a big blown up fight where we barely speak for days.
Edited by GoinJettin 2014-10-05 9:23 PM
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 Am I really the Weirdo?
Posts: 11181
Location: Kansas | GoinJettin - 2014-10-05 9:22 PM I totally understand where you care coming from. My twin sister and I live together and we have solved this problem by not getting on each other's horse unless expressly asked for a specific reason. Otherwise it can turn in to a big blown up fight where we barely speak for days.
That sounds exactly like Matt and I though we don't live together. He can run my gray horse or just ride on my bay or my big red baby but I have a HANDS OFF policy when it comes to him riding Clifford. I can't see anything good coming from that pairing so its best to avoid the trouble all together. Also, I do NOT ride his horses unless he asks me to and even then I really don't like to do anything besides walk or trot them around and loosen them up for him to run. We both expect our horses to have a certain feel and I don't know how to achieve it on his horses nor does he know what I expect mine to feel like warming up. Last weekend, we ended up shouting at each other across the rodeo grounds after Clifford had a breakdown and Matt very unwisely offered his opinion of what happened to cause it. He did at least have the good sense to hand me Chance and disappear for a couple hours LOL. |
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 Ima Fickle Fan
Posts: 3547
Location: Texas | It sounds like he is trying to offer constructive criticism and it's not being taken as such. My husband and I have the same problem. He thinks he's helping, and I think he's nit-picking. The other problem is that this horse is his hard work, blood, sweat, and probably a few tears. It would be hard to hand that over and watch someone not ride the horse as he trained it to be ridden.
Like others have said, get his input, have him show you how he trained the horse, and go from there. Also, I like hubby getting on every now and then and tuning up on my horse for me. He's a stronger rider and all of our horses are much better for me after he's been on. |
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 Experienced Mouse Trapper
Posts: 3106
Location: North Dakota | winwillows - 2014-10-05 9:39 AM Why create a problem between you over this horse? Sounds like you already have an open horse to run, right? Two weeks is not enough time to turn a finished competitive Reiner into a barrel horse. Especially, if he has not been used for a while. If your husband started, trained and won on this horse he may have some valid input. I am sure that you know that riding reiners is different, and based on very light leg and seat signals along with a looser rein and lighter hands. I think you are asking a lot of both your husband and his horse in too short a time. Asking him, in a nice way, to ride his horse and show you what he feels you are missing, was good advice. If you insist on making his horse your project, try to do it together. That sounds like a fun project. Think about how you would feel if he decided to make your barrel horse into a Reiner that ge could show.
This AND speaking from experience, A little bit of appreciation and gratitude towards those that are truly helping and or creating a great situation for you goes a looooong way. |
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 Do You Feel Lucky Punk?
Posts: 3156
Location: NM...the Land of Manana | jayb - 2014-10-04 7:48 PM Can I suggest you get your husband to ride the horse himself and realize that he isn't responding to the cues that your giving him as well as hubby thinks he is.. that's what I made my husband do when he critiqued me.. he shut up fast
Agreed! |
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 I Chore in Chucks
Posts: 2882
Location: MD | whenever I'm getting unwarranted advice from my SO, I always say, "I love you very much." It's always in a tone that says, I really do love you but I can't handle what you're telling me right now. Either I can't deal with it, I don't want to deal with it, or I'd rather figure it out on my own. Then when I'm done I always apologize and say why I couldn't deal at that time, then it's done and over with and we can move on to something that isn't creating friction. I feel it's kind of a humorous way to avoid conflict and give out a warning without me acting like a jacka$$.
It's always worked, granted he doesn't ride horses and this is a different circumstance obviously but it can be applied in different ways.
I do agree though, why make that horse he doesn't want to hand the reins over for a problem between the two of you? |
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How do I not hurt my husbands feelings?