redracinmo - 2014-10-17 1:04 PM  I have never wanted kids, still dont. I have been told all the things you have been told.  Luckily my husband doesnt want any either and at 37 and 44 we still havent changed our minds after 18 years together.  Much to my sister and mothers dislike.  If the mother thing has passed u by then it has passed u by. not all of us are made out to be mothers and i think it takes a special woman to stand up to peer pressure to say nope it isnt for me. 

lhighquality - 2014-10-17 1:08 PM

I too have been told all the things you have about having kids!!! I'm 41 & no human kids, horses are my kids!!! You know you, don't let anyone sway you!! (they aren't the one(s) that will be taking care of the child.

star1218 - 2014-10-17 1:27 PM

DLV you and I could have nice sit down talk about this very thing.   I turn 30 (sigggghhh...) in Dec. and I have never had a single desire of any sort to have a kid. My husband feels the same, so we differ there, but as for me and you - I get it.   
I sometimes catch myself thinking about if I am going to regret it? I don't know. All i do know is time keeps ticking by and still I don't want it.   I always tell people that ask (who I think can handle the truth) that I don't want any but In the back of my mind I've always thought I have plenty of time to change my mind if I wanted to. That isn't always going to be the case and then THAT freaks me out.
Right now it's I don't want them...soon it would be I can't because I'm past the right age...time will decide for me and that is scary.

Jazz's Girl - 2014-10-17 12:56 PM The mothering a human gene passed me by. Now kittens, puppies, or horses. I LOVE. Little humans are disgusting. And yes Ive been told I'd change my mind. Almost 27 and it aint happened. Luckily or unluckily, my husband has 3 monsters and has been snipped so NO BABIES FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I do not care for kids and after dealing with his 3 I like them even less. And Ive been told everything you have. I reply with I have 4 legged kids. And will have many more of those. No advice but heres a (((((((((hug)))))))))))))

Jazz's Girl - 2014-10-17 12:56 PM The mothering a human gene passed me by. Now kittens, puppies, or horses. I LOVE. Little humans are disgusting. And yes Ive been told I'd change my mind. Almost 27 and it aint happened. Luckily or unluckily, my husband has 3 monsters and has been snipped so NO BABIES FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I do not care for kids and after dealing with his 3 I like them even less. And Ive been told everything you have. I reply with I have 4 legged kids. And will have many more of those. No advice but heres a (((((((((hug)))))))))))))

Nevertooold - 2014-10-17 1:48 PM It seems everytime they do research on this subject the results are that the happiest couples are childless and I have found that to be true with every couple I know that doesn't have kids.



Personally...There is no way I would want to raise or bring a baby up in our New America. 

Nevertooold - 2014-10-17 1:48 PM It seems everytime they do research on this subject the results are that the happiest couples are childless and I have found that to be true with every couple I know that doesn't have kids.

Personally...There is no way I would want to raise or bring a baby up in our New America. 

rachellyn80 - 2014-10-17 1:54 PM  Now...you know how happy I am!  ...and I have four of them now, lol.  I have a fantastic partner though.  That man is head and shoulders above any other I've ever met for helping out with our every day life from cooking, cleaning, and taking care of children.  It's a matter of what your relationship is based on, what your goals are, and what your support system consists of.  That will be a huge deciding factor in whether you can be a happy productive couple/family with children....should you decide that you want them.



I 100% agree with not having children if you don't want them.  I can refer you to several great books to read about the damage that can be done by being raised by an emotionally unavailable mother.



And to address the current state of the world....I hope to raise children that are sympathetic to the needs of others, confident in their own abilities, and can make a difference in the world around them..no matter how small.  It is terrifying to raise children knowing that there are any number of dangers out there to take them away from you...but, I can't imagine my life without them.  

RunNitroRun - 2014-10-17 1:58 PM

I NEVER, NEVER, NEVER wanted children. I liked being the center of my universe and spoiling myself whenever I wanted. I was the expensive shoes, purses, manicures and facials type of girl but as usual life had different plans for me. (Caution: you may want to get some crackers for the cheese below)

I had my son when I was 28. Initially being pregnant creeped me out especially the first time he rolled over and my entire front moved but then it sort of became this magical thing between us. Now he's the center of my universe and I wouldn't change it for the world. It is different when it's your own kid and I still don't like other peoples children but every time I look at my son I can get teary (and I'm not a crier) with how much love I have for that boy. He has changed my world for the better and while we have days where being a parent is the most challenging thing in the world there are days that are so flipping magical you can't help but wonder how you got along before.

Now that being said if life hadn't intervened I probably would have never had kids. I can honestly say though if I could go back in time and know exactly how it would turn out I would do EVERYTHING the same :)

Nevertooold - 2014-10-17 2:35 PM I was thinking about you as I was typing as I've never known anyone that is so into their children and if there were more people like you and your husband our world would definitely be a lot different. The problem is you two are in the minority. Your family is very blessed. I wish more people were wired like you and your husband.  

Just Bring It - 2014-10-17 4:45 PM I am 28 and on the fence. Growing up I KNEW I never wanted to have kids (I didn't want to get married until I was 40 but that changed...lol) and then once I met my husband I started thinkg "well maybe..." But I just don't know. He is amazing with kids and would be a wonderful father so it is because of that I would like to make him one but then again I really do not like kids. I never want to hold my friend's babies. I do not oo and ahh over babies. Pregnancy also freaks me out. My husband is perfectly content on not having kids. He tells me he is fine with whatever I decide. We are happy with our lives the way they are. The dogs, cats, and horses are enough responsibility for us...lol. . 

TrackinBubba - 2014-10-17 3:54 PM Girl you took the words right out of my laptop. 



I have never wanted kids. My husband has always wanted a herd of kids but he's evolved to one if I'm ever ready for it. If not, he's ok with that too. He's basically perfect. If I could skip the pregnant part, I'd be more inclined. If he would agree to adoption, then I'm in. But dang I don't want to be pregnant and I do not do babies. 



One day I'll jump but for now I"m on the fence. 

EmtRoper - 2014-10-18 2:45 PM So I will be the Odd one out.. I NEVER wanted children.. EVER they terrify me, the still do terrify me. BUT I have seen how my husband is AMAZING with children and he would like at least one. The fear of pregnancy, labor and all of that is literally TERRIFYING BUT, I am willing to have them for my husband. Mostly because he will be an AMAZING father. So I am almost willing to put all of my fears aside and push through it for him. NOW when I eventually am having a baby and FREAKING out when I am Pregnant someone can tell me how I knew I would be this scared lol.

RidenFly - 2014-10-17 1:28 PM I don't believe for one instant the happiest couples are childless.  Where do they come up with this?  



I knew I wanted them when they started arriving.  I knew I didn't when Walmart clothes wasn't good enough.  Then they have the audacity to ask me which ones are my favorite.  "I don't like any of you!"  



 



The truth is, I love my babies.  Now I have grandbabies and I couldn't imagine life without them.

jkrm - 2014-10-17 5:25 PM  

Racey Stacey - 2014-10-17 1:43 PM I have always said I didn't want any kids.  Heard all the same things you did, blah blah blah.  Loved kids, always had them around, but did NOT do babies..  Then, I got pregnant...  Everyone knew I was so adamant about not having kids that several, including my own mother, didn't believe me when I told them I was pregnant...  I cried every single day for the first 3 months because I did not want to be pregnant or have kids...  Then I had my first ultrasound and everything changed.  When you see that little something growing inside of you, it is simply amazing.  No words can really pin point how that moment changed my mind.  From that point on, I could not wait to have my baby.  I had a pretty simple pregnancy and stayed extremely active the entire time.  I was up bouncing around after a few hours of giving birth.  Felt great.  My little girl is beyond the best thing to ever happen to me.  She is my life.  I didn't know what I was missing out on by not having a child.  I didn't know true love until I laid eyes on Stella.  I agree that kids aren't for everyone but if you're considering it, your mother instinct will kick in during the baby stage.  I wasn't worried about how I would be but it's more than obvious that a few friends/family were.  HA  I hear constantly how great of a mother I am and how they couldn't believe I'd have kids or be that kind of mother, blah blah blah.  I am always like you saw/see how I take care of my animals, which is better than most people live so what would make you think I'd treat a human any different?!?!  And one other thing I love more than anything is the barn/horse time my daughter and I spend together.  I think she has a passion for it more than I do/did at her age.  She is only 4 and tells everyone she's going to be a veteranian. 

Whiteboy - 2014-10-17 5:18 PM There is nothing better than when I walk in the door from work and my 2 year old runs up to me yelling, "Datty" and give me a big hug around my leg.  No "thing" in this world can ever compare. 



I'm probably gonna get flamed for this, but...I feel really sorry for anybody that will never know that kind of happiness.   



I also wonder if the collapse in moral values in our nation is at least in part because of the lack of interest in marriage and families.  If people have nothing to worry about but "themselves" why would they care about the future? (I know this isn't true with everyone)

Whiteboy - 2014-10-17 6:18 PM

I'm probably gonna get flamed for this, but...I feel really sorry for anybody that will never know that kind of happiness.   



I also wonder if the collapse in moral values in our nation is at least in part because of the lack of interest in marriage and families.  If people have nothing to worry about but "themselves" why would they care about the future? (I know this isn't true with everyone)

Whiteboy - 2014-10-17 5:18 PM

There is nothing better than when I walk in the door from work and my 2 year old runs up to me yelling, "Datty" and give me a big hug around my leg.  No "thing" in this world can ever compare. 

I'm probably gonna get flamed for this, but...I feel really sorry for anybody that will never know that kind of happiness.   

I also wonder if the collapse in moral values in our nation is at least in part because of the lack of interest in marriage and families.  If people have nothing to worry about but "themselves" why would they care about the future? (I know this isn't true with everyone)

cheryl makofka - 2014-10-18 4:22 PM I have to disagree with your statements IF PEOPLE HAVE NOBODY TO WORRY ABOUT THEMSELVES, WHY WOULD THEY CARE ABOUT THE FUTURE Working in the health care for years, I have about 100 reasons why I choose not to have children, yes some people would my reasons are selfish, but in would say it is me being aware of my limitations and what I am not willing to compromise. I have also heard from board members here and it drives me crazy people have choose to have children, but have admitted their children are not their first. My values my parents instilled in me taught me if you want to have children they need to come first before everything. For me deciding to not have children, I am caring about the future, what I can contribute as a person as an individual, I am also caring about the life I choose not to bring into the world. Personally I think all who want children should have a mental health assessment attend education seminars and be issued a liscence to have a child. This would be doing the future a favor

Brrelhorse - 2014-10-17 4:39 PM

 
I love my friends' children. Because I don't have to take care of them. Their cuteness is there to fulfill my need to see cute things. I don't expect them to behave for me, and they don't expect 18 years of dinner from me. I see this as a good setup.

Not only do I not want children, but I think what really blows people's minds is that I've realized I don't need them. Apparently, some people agree with me, and apparently that's national news if the August 12 issue of Time is any indicator: The entire cover story was dedicated to the marvelous epiphany that "having it all" -- whatever that even means -- for some Americans means not having children. We've come far as a country, haven't we, when a well-established journalistic bulwark recognizes that -- gasp -- married couples might actually chose to subvert the cultural paradigm and elect to never need a minivan! What'll they come up with next? Gay people having babies? What sorcery is this?

Listen. I'm being real here: I need my sleep much more than I need children. Does that sound selfish? That's probably because it is! Which is probably one of the top reasons I shouldn't enter into parenthood in the first place. Which is just so funny, because people who have no business being in my business say the darndest things when I tell them I'm not having children. A sampling:

"You should totally do it! It's a blast!"
I bet having a dog is also a blast, but I don't even want the responsibility of caring for a dog. You'd probably talk me out of having a dog I didn't want to care for, so why would you try to talk me into having a human being I don't want to care for?

"You'll change your mind."
This is one of my absolute favorite things that people like to say when I tell them I'm not having children. It's so funny, because it implies they know me better than I know myself. To which I like to respond, "HOORAY! A REAL, LIVE, FREE PSYCHIC! What else can you tell me about myself that I don't know? Will I win the lottery? Will I ever finally lose those last, stubborn five pounds, or should I just give up? Also, how will the final season of "Mad Men" end?? Will we ever find out what really happened on the final scene of The Sopranos? What other secrets of the universe are you hiding in that magical brain of yours?"

"But what will you do when you're old?"
Um, let's see... hopefully spend the savings account that I didn't drain on summer camp and braces and college on traveling the world, all while dressed like Bea Arthur in "The Golden Girls." Playing shuffleboard. Hopefully.

"You'll just figure out a way to afford it."
LOL. Oh GOD you are just the funniest thing! Truly, a hoot! You're a stand-up comic, right? What's funny about that bullshit is that someone probably shared the same Pollyanna-ish platitude with the millions of people in this country who couldn't afford kids when they started out and still -- even with college educations and decent jobs -- never managed to "just figure out a way to afford it." The other thing that's funny is that this is another of the benefits of not having kids -- you never have to figure out a way to afford it.

"But what if you regret never having your own kids?"
I'd rather regret never having children than have children and regret it.

"But you'll never know happiness like the happiness of being a parent."
I'll also never know what it's like to have a penis. Or be Cuban! Or be able to dunk a basketball on the 1992 Olympic Dream Team. I'll also never know what it's like to change a fetid diaper or what it's like to have a teenager who devotes months, if not years to hating me, followed by decades of passively resenting me. Thank you for your genuine concern regarding the status of my happiness, Deepak Chopra, but as a genuinely content person, I'm living proof that happiness isn't just reserved for parents and that it's possible to know happiness without venturing into parenthood. I love it here on the sandy child-free beach upon which I'm currently sunning.

"Why wouldn't you want to have children if your body is capable of it?"
Yes, someone actually said this to me. My body's also capable of having a gang bang, but I'm definitely not boarding that bus. So I'm not even honoring that with a response. The side eye was invented for this occasion.

"Good for you!"
Thank you. Can't say I disagree.

shubug007 - 2014-10-17 7:57 PM I LOVE KIDS! I also love to send them home. I work in a school. All my motherly needs are met there. In truth when I want kids I want to adopt. much of that comes from seeing the kids in our school in the system or needing a loving family. Breaks my heart. I feel it selfish of me wanting to have my own when so many need a home.

RidenFly - 2014-10-17 6:34 PM

Good grief.  There would have to be another Czar named by the annoited one to run that department.  

Everyone's parents are a little screwed up.  So what?  We survive anyway. 

cheryl makofka - 2014-10-17 6:35 PM


What about the children born with physical deformities and mental impairment due to their parents smoking/injecting drugs and/or drinking throughout their pregnancies.

What about the children who are sexually abused by their mother/father when they are as little as two years old or even younger.

What about the children who are living in houses where meth is cooked, the meth is absorbed through the skin and inhalation.

What about the kids who are born into gangs or join gangs as there is no other alternative

You cannot tell me these kids are okay.

cheryl makofka - 2014-10-17 8:35 PM What about the children born with physical deformities and mental impairment due to their parents smoking/injecting drugs and/or drinking throughout their pregnancies. What about the children who are sexually abused by their mother/father when they are as little as two years old or even younger. What about the children who are living in houses where meth is cooked, the meth is absorbed through the skin and inhalation. What about the kids who are born into gangs or join gangs as there is no other alternative You cannot tell me these kids are okay.

cheryl makofka - 2014-10-17 8:35 PM


What about the children born with physical deformities and mental impairment due to their parents smoking/injecting drugs and/or drinking throughout their pregnancies.

What about the children who are sexually abused by their mother/father when they are as little as two years old or even younger.

What about the children who are living in houses where meth is cooked, the meth is absorbed through the skin and inhalation.

What about the kids who are born into gangs or join gangs as there is no other alternative

You cannot tell me these kids are okay.

cheryl makofka - 2014-10-17 6:22 PM I have to disagree with your statements IF PEOPLE HAVE NOBODY TO WORRY ABOUT THEMSELVES, WHY WOULD THEY CARE ABOUT THE FUTURE Working in the health care for years, I have about 100 reasons why I choose not to have children, yes some people would my reasons are selfish, but in would say it is me being aware of my limitations and what I am not willing to compromise. I have also heard from board members here and it drives me crazy people have choose to have children, but have admitted their children are not their first. My values my parents instilled in me taught me if you want to have children they need to come first before everything. For me deciding to not have children, I am caring about the future, what I can contribute as a person as an individual, I am also caring about the life I choose not to bring into the world. Personally I think all who want children should have a mental health assessment attend education seminars and be issued a liscence to have a child. This would be doing the future a favor

Whiteboy - 2014-10-17 10:06 PM


You are a communist aren't you? 

Just Plain Lucky - 2014-10-17 6:09 PM I've heard the first statement so many times before that I'm almost numb to it. Almost. Well maybe not since it's the ultimate insult to people who simply don't want children and those who really can't have them despite wanting them so badly.



The second is a new low, though. Wow, I think I've heard it all now. The crown jewel. The icing on the cake. The piece of resistance. *Slow clap*  

cheryl makofka - 2014-10-17 10:24 PM Not communist, a communist believes in equality, I don't, but since every country supports social assistance; We need to pass a drivers test, we have to apply for a marriage liscence, for certain jobs we need a criminal record check, some mental health assessment. If we had liscences to bear children, all children would then be wanted, every person applying for a liscence would know the inherent risks of children physical, mental, socioeconomic on themselves and the child. This would be making an informed choice. This would save a lot of money not as many people on welfare, people not procreating to receive more money from the government to spend on themselves.

hoofs_in_motion - 2014-10-17 9:59 PM


I'm sorry but I grew up not really knowing my father, my mother smoked method, crack, snorted coke......was a severe alcoholic...so I grew up taking care of myself. NOT ALL KIDS WHO GROWNUP IN HOMES LIKE THAT BECOME SCREW UPS. I grew up knowing that I will better myself and never touch drugs....and to this day, I never have.I do agree that those poor children should never have ever seen that, no they are not okay...and most grow up in foster homes. My heart will always ache for them. And some of those people should never have children because of the hell they put those kids through in life. I've seen it myself, and I will never allowy child to ever look upon that hell I had to see as a child. Rant over, sorry if I get flamed.....but it ticked me off.

Running Roan - 2014-10-17 10:21 PM Back to the original topic of being childless by choice...



People find happiness in different things. And that's okay. No intervention to save them from "missing out" on your idea of happiness is necessary. Just be happy that they're happy and let them be.









 

Running Roan - 2014-10-17 10:21 PM Back to the original topic of being childless by choice...

People find happiness in different things. And that's okay. No intervention to save them from "missing out" on your idea of happiness is necessary. Just be happy that they're happy and let them be.




 

Whiteboy - 2014-10-17 11:28 PM


First, I'm sorry you are offended by what I said.  To those who want children and cant conceive, there are alternatives. 

Second, so you believe that family structure is not helpful in developing your own personal values?  Some of the very best people I know came from difficult family circumstances, however, it is much harder to have to rise above the problems than it is to never be involved with them.   Some people are always looking for justification though, they find oportunities to be offended, and those people don't change their mind very easily.   

DLV - 2014-10-17 12:10 PM

So next month I turn 30 and I still have no desire to have kids! Everyone always told me "oh you'll change your mind" "when you get older you'll want kids" etc etc.... but I still really do not! I have no desire to be pregnant, give birth or spend my time raising one or spend $1,000's on a child! When we got married, we both said we really didn't want children but now my husband has said he does and I don't! I have always said if I DID decide I wanted kids, I'd like to adopt an older child but he wants no part of that so we're at a standstill. I'm really not a baby person and don't think I'd enjoy it and knowing my husbands job, he'd not have a lot of time to spend with a child so I'd be doing most of the work. I know everyone says "when it's your own kid it's different" or "you need to have someone to take care of you when you're old" but I don't think it's a responsible decision to just have a kid in hopes that you'll like it or for "someone to take care of you" which just because you have a child is NO gaurentee that they will and the decision is irreversible obviously!! I'd be fine today getting my tubes tied and not looking back but my husband says no as he thinks I'll change my mind! Maybe in time I will change my mind but I'm 30 and don't want to be a super old parent and still don't want to so I'm thinking no! Anyone else feel this way? How do you know? I don't want regrets but really am thinking I'll never change my mind about this! It's not that I don't like kids, I am very involved with them in several ways but after a few hrs, I'm exhausted and ready to give them back to their parents! Any thoughts!?

DLV - 2014-10-17 1:10 PM

So next month I turn 30 and I still have no desire to have kids! Everyone always told me "oh you'll change your mind" "when you get older you'll want kids" etc etc.... but I still really do not! I have no desire to be pregnant, give birth or spend my time raising one or spend $1,000's on a child! When we got married, we both said we really didn't want children but now my husband has said he does and I don't! I have always said if I DID decide I wanted kids, I'd like to adopt an older child but he wants no part of that so we're at a standstill. I'm really not a baby person and don't think I'd enjoy it and knowing my husbands job, he'd not have a lot of time to spend with a child so I'd be doing most of the work. I know everyone says "when it's your own kid it's different" or "you need to have someone to take care of you when you're old" but I don't think it's a responsible decision to just have a kid in hopes that you'll like it or for "someone to take care of you" which just because you have a child is NO gaurentee that they will and the decision is irreversible obviously!! I'd be fine today getting my tubes tied and not looking back but my husband says no as he thinks I'll change my mind! Maybe in time I will change my mind but I'm 30 and don't want to be a super old parent and still don't want to so I'm thinking no! Anyone else feel this way? How do you know? I don't want regrets but really am thinking I'll never change my mind about this! It's not that I don't like kids, I am very involved with them in several ways but after a few hrs, I'm exhausted and ready to give them back to their parents! Any thoughts!?

barlracr429 - 2014-10-18 9:26 PM


Oh honey, you sound exactly like me my entire life......up until a year ago.....I'm 31.5 now, my hubby will be 38 in a couple weeks. We met 6 years ago. We maried 3 years ago. We never wanted kids. I never wanted to be pregnant or give birth. I did not want to feel a baby move inside me. I had absolutely NO interest in children. I didn't want to hold them or even look at their photos or even look at the cute videos on facebook. This past Jan we got a surprise and even though we've always been careful, we found out we were pregnant. At first I was shocked, paniced and terrified. The longer I was pregnant the more excited we both got. My husband would hold every little kid he came across and couldn't wait for his baby to get here so he could hold her and 'tree frong' her on his shoulder. I couldn't wait for her to be here so I caould see her, hold her, hear her and eventually take her to shows, buy her a pony and watch her grow. Then our worst nightmare happened. The world stopped. Aug 12, 2014 - 3 weeks before our due date, our beautiful daughter was stillborn. My pregnancy had been picture perfect. They have no reason that this happened other than she must have cut her blood supply off by turning on her cord and pressing against it. We both learned a lot this year. I went from the girl who never wanted to be prgnant or have a baby and wanted to ride my horses to the girl who would be pregnant for 100 years and who would give up my horses, my truck, my trailer, my land, even my dogs, to have my daughter back. Devastated doesn't even describe how we feel. We had so many dreams and plans for her. We were going to give her the world but she chose heaven instead and she's an angel who looks after us. We stop at the cemetery every day. Now we feel like we are in a race against the clock to have a child. But we also feel guilty for trying to have another child. We don't want our daughter to think we are replacing her. She will always be our first born, our oldest and she will always have part of our broken hearts. If we are ever blessed to have another child, the next one will be her brother or sister. At the moment we have a baby room, filled with a crib, clothes, diapers, wipes, changing pad, stoller, car seat, etc, just waiting for a baby. The way I look at everything in this world has changed this year. I would give anything to feel her move inside me again.

My advice - have a baby. You will never regret it.

Nevertooold - 2014-10-17 1:48 PM It seems everytime they do research on this subject the results are that the happiest couples are childless and I have found that to be true with every couple I know that doesn't have kids.



Personally...There is no way I would want to raise or bring a baby up in our New America. 

barlracr429 - 2014-10-18 9:26 PM Oh honey, you sound exactly like me my entire life......up until a year ago.....I'm 31.5 now, my hubby will be 38 in a couple weeks. We met 6 years ago. We maried 3 years ago. We never wanted kids. I never wanted to be pregnant or give birth. I did not want to feel a baby move inside me. I had absolutely NO interest in children. I didn't want to hold them or even look at their photos or even look at the cute videos on facebook. This past Jan we got a surprise and even though we've always been careful, we found out we were pregnant. At first I was shocked, paniced and terrified. The longer I was pregnant the more excited we both got. My husband would hold every little kid he came across and couldn't wait for his baby to get here so he could hold her and 'tree frog' her on his shoulder. I couldn't wait for her to be here so I could see her, hold her, hear her and eventually take her to shows, buy her a pony and watch her grow. Then our worst nightmare happened. The world stopped. Aug 12, 2014 - 3 weeks before our due date, our beautiful daughter was stillborn. My pregnancy had been picture perfect. They have no reason that this happened other than she must have cut her blood supply off by turning on her cord and pressing against it. We both learned a lot this year. I went from the girl who never wanted to be prgnant or have a baby and wanted to ride my horses to the girl who would be pregnant for 100 years and who would give up my horses, my truck, my trailer, my land, even my dogs, to have my daughter back. Devastated doesn't even describe how we feel. We had so many dreams and plans for her. We were going to give her the world but she chose heaven instead and she's an angel who looks after us. We stop at the cemetery every day. Now we feel like we are in a race against the clock to have a child. But we also feel guilty for trying to have another child. We don't want our daughter to think we are replacing her. She will always be our first born, our oldest and she will always have part of our broken hearts. If we are ever blessed to have another child, the next one will be her brother or sister. At the moment we have a baby room, filled with a crib, clothes, diapers, wipes, changing pad, stoller, car seat, etc, just waiting for a baby. The way I look at everything in this world has changed this year. I would give anything to feel her move inside me again. My advice - have a baby. You will never regret it.

barlracr429 - 2014-10-18 9:26 PM Oh honey, you sound exactly like me my entire life......up until a year ago.....I'm 31.5 now, my hubby will be 38 in a couple weeks. We met 6 years ago. We maried 3 years ago. We never wanted kids. I never wanted to be pregnant or give birth. I did not want to feel a baby move inside me. I had absolutely NO interest in children. I didn't want to hold them or even look at their photos or even look at the cute videos on facebook. This past Jan we got a surprise and even though we've always been careful, we found out we were pregnant. At first I was shocked, paniced and terrified. The longer I was pregnant the more excited we both got. My husband would hold every little kid he came across and couldn't wait for his baby to get here so he could hold her and 'tree frog' her on his shoulder. I couldn't wait for her to be here so I could see her, hold her, hear her and eventually take her to shows, buy her a pony and watch her grow. Then our worst nightmare happened. The world stopped. Aug 12, 2014 - 3 weeks before our due date, our beautiful daughter was stillborn. My pregnancy had been picture perfect. They have no reason that this happened other than she must have cut her blood supply off by turning on her cord and pressing against it. We both learned a lot this year. I went from the girl who never wanted to be prgnant or have a baby and wanted to ride my horses to the girl who would be pregnant for 100 years and who would give up my horses, my truck, my trailer, my land, even my dogs, to have my daughter back. Devastated doesn't even describe how we feel. We had so many dreams and plans for her. We were going to give her the world but she chose heaven instead and she's an angel who looks after us. We stop at the cemetery every day. Now we feel like we are in a race against the clock to have a child. But we also feel guilty for trying to have another child. We don't want our daughter to think we are replacing her. She will always be our first born, our oldest and she will always have part of our broken hearts. If we are ever blessed to have another child, the next one will be her brother or sister. At the moment we have a baby room, filled with a crib, clothes, diapers, wipes, changing pad, stoller, car seat, etc, just waiting for a baby. The way I look at everything in this world has changed this year. I would give anything to feel her move inside me again. My advice - have a baby. You will never regret it.

dashnlotti - 2014-10-18 11:27 PM This is one of the reasons my fiance and I don't want to have children.  I've never wanted them, I've always known.  He knew how I felt but after we had been together a few years and it was obvious we would be together forever, we had a serious talk about it.  When we first started dating he did say he wanted kids.

I told him, "I need you to accept NOW, that I don't want kids.  I understand if you can't, but I don't want to be 40 and get blamed for 'not giving you children'."  He said he wanted to be with me, end of story!

I am not that great with kids, don't like them in general, don't even hold little babies, etc.  He, on the other hand, LOVES kids and they love him.  But his reason for not wanting any of his own is the world we live in.  We live in a horrible place that is only getting worse as each day goes by- I can't imagine bringing a child into this mess.  We decided long ago we would be the cool aunt and uncle, and I do love his two nephews- two of the only babies I like!



Some people-family!-make inappropriate comments sometimes, but whose family doesn't lol.  I suspect he had a talk with his mother because she no longer makes the, "Oh, you will change your mind," comments.  My favorite line is, "You'll slip up one day and get pregnant!" Gee, thanks-been going babyless for over six years now, it isn't that hard to avoid.

For reference, I'm 24 and fiance is 27. 

Of course, we have talked about how we would parent IF we ever had kids-that's part of a relationship.