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Parents separating due to infidelity
Graceisgone
Reg. Oct 2014
Posted 2014-10-22 7:54 PM
Subject: Parents separating due to infidelity


boon


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I'm posting under a temporary name because I'm not comfortable with the situation.

My dad, out of the blue, had an affair with another married woman (whose husband has since kicked her out). After 30 years of marriage it looks like he can't handle the bills, hates where we live and is confused so it looks like he's going to go with this other gal and run off together and I don't ever want to speak to him again as I feel he has soiled our family name. Our community (normal and horse) is small and he made no attempt to cover it up--everyone knows. This guy used to be my hero and a lot of people looked up to him--not anymore. It's trash and I hate him for it. I was attached to my last name but now I give zero shits and have no qualms about changing it when I get married.

This other woman is unstable, doesn't have a job, and didn't even have any concern for her kids when she was kicked out--just wanted her horses. She's also much younger than my father. We haven't spoken in over 45 days, but I need to speak with him soon to figure out what his deal is. What do you say? If he stays with her--he's not my dad anymore and we'll never speak again.
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FriendswoodKat
Reg. Dec 2008
Posted 2014-10-22 8:21 PM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity




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Your situation is heartbreaking and I am so sorry you are having to go through it. I pray you find the strength to forgive and the ability to rise above the actions of someone you trusted deeply. May God be by your side.
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cheryl makofka
Reg. Jan 2011
Posted 2014-10-22 8:36 PM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity


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Prayers to you.

I honestly have no idea how I would discuss this with my dad, if the same thing occurred.

The reason I posted was this

Your father is only one person who has that last name, YOU, your siblings, and Your Mother all carry the last name, be proud of it, be proud of your family, do not let one small coward little man take that away from you.

Hugs and prayers to you and your family during this time.
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RocketPilot
Reg. Jun 2006
Posted 2014-10-22 8:37 PM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity



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I don't think your friends in the community are going to think any less of you because your father is an idiot. Support your mother and be a shoulder for her to lean on, and if possible, lean on her.  Be there for each other.   You are disappointed in your father and that is understandable. People will talk, but not about you because you have no control over the situation.  Hold your head up.  Hugs and prayers for you.  I hope that you have a good friend or family member that you can speak with.

Edited by RocketPilot 2014-10-22 8:38 PM
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firewaterfuelsme
Reg. Feb 2013
Posted 2014-10-22 8:41 PM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity


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You are not responsible for your fathers choices. Prayers to you while your family goes through this difficult time. Keep your head high and keep making good choices. Your father has to answer for the choices he makes. He may seem happy with his new life but it is only temporary then he will be sorry for abandoning his family. Meanwhile you and your mom can heal and move forward with life. Be happy, things happen for reasons that are hard to understand but I bet your mom will end up happier than ever when the hurt heals. The community will not hold you accountable for bad choices your father is making. Put a smile on your face and keep on living as you were before this occurred.
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svincent
Reg. Feb 2012
Posted 2014-10-22 8:58 PM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity


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Oh, I'm praying for you. That is a ROUGH situation. I too come from a split family due to infidelity. My mom cheated with a TOTAL dirtbag of a guy, got pregnant, the whole nine yards. I was 14 at the time. After she did that, I refused to live with her and her dirtbag boyfriend/fiancé/whatever, so I moved in with my grandparents. To this day, our relationship is AWFUL; and I truly have no desire for her to be in my life or my children's - not 100% because of the infidelity, but because of choices she has made since then. She continues to act impulsively, emotionally, and immaturely. We speak MAYBE five times a year - she's like a stranger to me and constantly tries to make me feel guilty for having a successful life. You are not alone. *hugs*

PS: I couldn't wait to change my name when I got married! lol
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Graceisgone
Reg. Oct 2014
Posted 2014-10-22 9:11 PM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity


boon


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Thanks everyone. They haven't separated yet....but he's not living at the house. Mom is confused on how to act and how hard to come down on him. She's worried about finances and it's not looking good. Dad doesn't have a steady income so if wages were to be garnished for HIS debts--SHE would be affected, not him. It's just scary. This sort of thing isnt supposed to happen to my family.
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lucky2
Reg. Oct 2008
Posted 2014-10-22 9:19 PM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity


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I'm so sorry for all you are going thru..i wish i could just hug you girl. You dont deserve this and neither does your mom. I know you are probably all embarrassed about it and what it has done to your family and name. Please remember that ppl will not judge you by what your dad did/does. My heart goes out to you and i will be praying for your mom and you.
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cheryl makofka
Reg. Jan 2011
Posted 2014-10-22 9:23 PM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity


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Graceisgone - 2014-10-22 9:11 PM

Thanks everyone. They haven't separated yet....but he's not living at the house. Mom is confused on how to act and how hard to come down on him. She's worried about finances and it's not looking good. Dad doesn't have a steady income so if wages were to be garnished for HIS debts--SHE would be affected, not him. It's just scary. This sort of thing isnt supposed to happen to my family.

She needs to speak with a lawyer file for separation (may be different terminology in your state) so she will not be responsible for his debits.

She needs to do this tomorrow.
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chasendacash
Reg. Oct 2008
Posted 2014-10-22 9:55 PM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity


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Warning, this got way longer than I intended....

You don't say how old you are so I will give you my take on it.  I was in your shoes in my late teens (my senior year of high school).  My parents were 'the' cool couple that actually seemed to have fun together and we spent all of our time together, all of us deeply involved in the horses --- together!  To find out that my mom had been having an affair blew family, friends, and our horse community AWAY.  There were some very UGLY months that followed that.  I had a LOT of anger but I never declared that she wasn't my mom anymore.  I told her that I hated what she was doing, sometimes I avoided her, and I watched my dad suffer heartache like I had never seen before.  She and I had to have a cooling off period but did get together at least once a week for dinner, etc.  After a few years went by I was able to see that my parents really didn't need to be together.  They truly did want different lifestyles and had totally opposite retirement plans.  They would have been miserable as empty nesters with each other.   She and I had more headbutting to do over the years but she was still my mom.  Sometimes I had to just give her space and do my own thing but I actually spent more time with her than I did my dad in my adult years just from logistics and similar social activities.  She passed away unexpectedly 9 years ago (I was 43, she was 66) and I'm so grateful that I had what time I did with her.  I guess I've told you all that...  to tell you this....   It is going to flat out suck to watch what goes on from here.  It is OK to be angry and be mad at him but remember he is your father.  If he is a good father, let him be.  If he is a bad father, still treat him with respect but protect yourself.  Try to stay out of being the go-between for the two of them.  Be honest with both of them but let them have their problems, don't make them yours.  Believe me when I say, this too shall pass.  Mine became two separate groups of people that I knew and loved and we moved on.  I pray for you, sometimes the kids take it harder than the parents.
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Southtxponygirl
Reg. Nov 2006
Posted 2014-10-22 11:08 PM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity



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This is just such a sad thread. hugs to the OP  
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Dreamingofcans
Reg. Jan 2011
Posted 2014-10-23 7:19 AM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity



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Sorry you're going through this. Praying you find what you need to guide you through this difficult and heartbreaking time. 

Sending hugs your way.
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luluwhit
Reg. Dec 2005
Posted 2014-10-23 7:41 AM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity



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i watch my parents marriage fall apart as i was 22 and knew my dad was having an affair..... How do you tell your mom about that?  well believe me i harbored alot of anger at my dad.  as an adult i saw that anger eat at me and make me a bad person.  i learned forgivness and allowed my dad back into my life but it takes a long time to get there.
you have every reason to be angry, hurt and plain ole pissed off.  just dont let all that angry creep in and make you a bad person.  That takes a long time to repair. 
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RidenFly
Reg. Nov 2006
Posted 2014-10-23 7:52 AM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity



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For your own sake, I pray you can forgive your father.  Sometimes, people are so miserable they don't know where to run.  Sometimes they are just stupid.  Since you don't know in your heart where he was coming from, the best thing you can do for YOURSELF is just forgive him the best you can and move forward with your own life.  I promise, if you carry around a burden of hate and bitter resentment, you will suffer all the way around.

HUGS and feel free to PM me if you need a shoulder. 
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canrunnr
Reg. Sep 2003
Posted 2014-10-23 8:06 AM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity



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My parents got along great. They never fought.  Then out of the blue one day, was told Dad wanted a divorce. I was heartbroken! My dad is my idol. 9 days after the divorce, my dad got remarried. To his secretary. I was such a mess of mixed emotions. I found letters that showed they had been seeing each other while mom and dad were married.  Again, a mess of emotions. My parents, even through the divorce and all, have never spoken an unkind word about each other. My mom, who had every right to, never did.
Over time, I realized that the one thing I want for anyone, is to be happy. You only get one life. I then realized that was true for my Dad too. He deserved to be happy. Did he do it the wrong way? Abso-freaking-lutely! ONly in the last few years, can we talk about it.
Do NOT give up on your dad. Yes, it's devastating, yes it is embarassing. But one day, you may realize that even though he went about it the wrong way, your parents may be happier in the long run. My dad has been married for 33 years. My mom is more independent and is happier. Yes, she loved being married. But she even sees where even though they didn't fight, they were headed down different paths.
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SpottedT
Reg. Jan 2012
Posted 2014-10-23 8:08 AM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity


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It's hard that this has happened to your family. It seems like, from what you say, that your dad is not a bad person. Until this happened, you thought he was wonderful. We can love people for who they are, but still be disappointed and mad at something they have done. It's hard to realize your parents and heroes are also human. They make mistakes that they don't necessarily see as mistakes at the time.

I do know your feelings and being torn between the two in the situation. My advice would be to not do anything rash, don't disown someone who you have truly thought to be a good person for all these years, it's hard to take back declarations and words once done/said. There is no shame to you or your mother. Just give yourself the time and space you need and allow your parents to figure out their life. They love you and always will. It is hard for both of them, but they don't need anything from you but your love.

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Nateracer
Reg. Feb 2008
Posted 2014-10-23 8:49 AM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity



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Maybe it's the way you worded it, but it really seems to me like your dad is having a mid-life crisis.   If he's having trouble with supporting the family, maybe unhappy for other reasons, etc...it's possible he turned to cheating as a way of making himself feel better.  In the end, I would hope that he feels worse and makes amends with your mom and family. 
I pray that you can make amends with your dad.  He's still your dad.  I hope that he can figure himself out and you can realize what he did/does doesn't pertain to your personal relationship.  He is his own person making his own, albeit bad choices.   
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Herbie
Reg. Oct 2003
Posted 2014-10-23 9:25 AM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity


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I will add a little different twist on a parent/child relationship and seperation.  I come from a divorced family; my parents have been divorced for as long as I can remember and my step mother in the picture since I was 5.  My Dad is one of those kind of people that everything is conditional, he is very condescending and manipulative, and leads by intimidation.  No physical but mental.  He just would make you feel so stupid and like a piece of crap if you didn't agree with him.  When I divorced my first husband after 9 years of marriage, my Dad wanted to come out and "handle" everything.  I said, no, that I had everything under control.  My Dad and my ex husband were very close through my marriage.....kind of like the son he never had (and I am my father's only child).  So on we go.  Divorce is finalized and I end up having to pay my ex husband $18000 to buy out his part of the equity in our home....even though it was my father who had given us the $20,000 down payment when we bought the place.  I didn't argue it, I wanted out.  So I sucked it up, sold my mare that I had raised and trained and paid him to get on with my life. 

Now let me back up a bit.  My father had raised horse all of my life.  He was successful with the stallion and some of the colts early on, but then quit showing.  After college and through my first marriage, I was the sole promoter of my father's program.  I was training and selling a colt or two a year and these horses were starting to get a little recognition making barrel horses.  My husband also rode a horse from this program to work cattle on, but it was one of my rejects and he was just doing pasture work.  I had colts from this program from ND, WY, several in LA, a couple in TX, and three I was training when reality smacked me right in the face.  When my ex husband left, he took with him 2 horses from this program that my father still owned.  I made no big deal about it.  But when my father called me and asked if my new husband and I would meet him for dinner the next night I was shocked.  Why???  Because my father lives 10 hours from me.  When I asked if he would be in town.....he stuttered and mumbled and finally admitted he was sitting in my ex husbands living room (who lives 30 mins from me) and had been there for 2 days due to an emergency trip he had to make to pick up a couple of colts he had in reining training in Gainesville.  Really?!?!?!  Emergency trip???  And he couldn't call me or come stay with me???  Then the real bomb dropped....he had brought the stallion who's colts I had been promoting and the 2 YO that I had my eye on next to my ex husband and gave them to him.  Never called me and asked me what I thought, my opinion, or even cared if it hurt me. 

After that my step mother accused me of cheating on my ex (which never happened....in fact my ex was the one coming home at 5 AM and staying out all night drinking and my father and step mother knew this), and  then proceeded to tell me how wrong I was for being upset about the situation and for turning my back on them...how immature I was.  When I didn't defend myself other than to tell her she knew the truth and I wouldn't resort to stone throwing, my father wrote me an email saying that I had broken her heart and he wouldn't listen to me spew my venom.  I'd be happy to post the whole email conversation.  HAHA  It's one for the record books and is full of things a parent should never say to a child.  They chose a relationship with my ex husband over a relationship with me.  And while it stinks, that's the choice they made and I have chosen to not be a part of their lives. 

I do still text each of them on birthdays and holidays but I do not call, email, and won't until there is an apology.  Not an "i'm sorry you feel the way you do about what we chose" but a true "i'm sorry, we made a mistake and just want to fix our relationship".  I don't care about the horses, but I will not be slapped in the face like that or be so blatently disrespected....even if he is my father and she is my step mother.  I two have step children....and I can assure you I would never chose anyone over them no matter how much I liked their spouse, SO, whatever.  My loyalty is to those girls and their father, period.  Obviously that isn't the case with my father and step mother.

Sorry for the long post, but I said all of that to say this.....some people just don't show the same sense of loyalty to family as others for some reason.  They can justify their actions in a million different ways, none of which make any sense to a rationally thinking person.  When all of this was going on, and the months to follow, I really did harbor alot of anger and hurt.  I didn't understand how any parent could do that to their child, especially when they knew how I felt about them having a relationship with him (I had asked them to stop grooming that relationship about 6 months prior to this happening).  I had to just walk away from it all so as not to become a very angry person over all and while I do hate it, I feel like i'm a better person for not having them in my life at this point.  I won't compromise myself for others poor choices and you can't either.  IMO forgiveness is a choice but respect is earned.....and your father will have to earn that back from you.  I would encourage you not to harbor anger and hostility....do what you need to do in order to expunge those feelings.  Talk to him, to a counselor, pray about it, and allow yourself to know that you are not responsible for his poor choice.  If you choose to forgive him, be sure he knows how you feel about his choice and allow him to earn your respect back.  Should you choose to forgive, your relationship is a clean slate and you have chosen to not let his choice be an issue in your relationship with him. Prayers to you.....this is definitely not easy, and I don't envy your position, but know that you are definitely not alone.  There are alot of us who have been through some crazy things with our parents and lived to tell about it.  :)  Number one goal needs to be that YOU do whatever YOU need to in order for this to not affect your ability to love and to trust.  Big hugs to you!!!!

 

Edited by Herbie 2014-10-23 9:59 AM
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Gunner11
Reg. Mar 2011
Posted 2014-10-23 9:36 AM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity



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RidenFly - 2014-10-23 7:52 AM

For your own sake, I pray you can forgive your father.  Sometimes, people are so miserable they don't know where to run.  Sometimes they are just stupid.  Since you don't know in your heart where he was coming from, the best thing you can do for YOURSELF is just forgive him the best you can and move forward with your own life.  I promise, if you carry around a burden of hate and bitter resentment, you will suffer all the way around.

HUGS and feel free to PM me if you need a shoulder. 

Good advice! I'm so sorry you're going through this! It sounds like your dad is going through a really rough time and doesn't know how to deal with things, so is trying to escape everything. While I believe that is in no way, shape, or form an excuse for cheating, I find it hard to believe this was just out of the blue. Unless a person is just a low down dirty dog, they don't just cheat for no reason. There's a lot that parents hide from the kids to protect them, so there's probably a lot that went on in your parents' relationship that you don't even know about.
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hoofs_in_motion
Reg. Apr 2011
Posted 2014-10-23 9:46 AM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity



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banjomia
Reg. Aug 2011
Posted 2014-10-23 10:04 AM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity


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Just keep something in mind.....you never know whats going on inside a marriage. I'm not saying that infedility is right, I'm just saying its not our place to judge. This happened to me when I was 19 and it was devastating. I was so mad at my mom...but no matter how mad I got..she was still my mom.....as an adult, and a marriage of my own, my understanding of life,marriage, kids and family is far more comprehensive now than it was back then. With long talks and with a new understanding, I actually understand what happened with my parents. We are now a very happy family and I love my step dad and my mom. You are hurt and you are angry and possibly to young to understand the dynamics of marriage. You loved your dad before this happened and I can promise you, you will not stop loving him. You may not respect his choices, but someday you may have a better understanding. Until then, pray for them and pray for strength to face each day. I promise you will find it.
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GOIN' FAST
Reg. Apr 2011
Posted 2014-10-23 10:11 AM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity



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I am so sorry you are going though this. I too have been in your shoes. Long story short I never kept in touch with my Dad and he passed in a sudden accident at 59 and I have regrets everyday about the things I should have done and said.

Even if your Dad is going though a crisis there is NO need to cheat!!!! That is a horrible excuse!

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oija
Reg. Feb 2012
Posted 2014-10-23 10:49 AM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity



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No advice, but lots of hugs and prayers.
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teehaha
Reg. Dec 2003
Posted 2014-10-23 2:18 PM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity


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hugs to you.  You sound young and I would hope before you become too full of hate and anger towards your father you might seek quidance from your pastor or school counselor.  Support your mom all you can as I'm sure she needs it right now.   If you have a job, bring home a bag of groceries now and then or chip in 20 bucks towards a electric bill and skip entry fees for a weekend and a extra hug or I love you will go a long way.


 





 
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Graceisgone
Reg. Oct 2014
Posted 2014-10-23 3:19 PM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity


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Thanks for the responses....they all help. If he thinks life will be easy with her, it won't. She has no job and doesn't rope good enough to make a living at it. I know that so immature but it's true. She didn't even want her kids. Like really? If he doesn't stay with her and separates from mom, I'll maybe forgive him. Stay with her--I doubt we'll speak again. He was flaunting their relationship at 2 of the largest rodeos in the area--cheating is one thing. Parading it around? That's about as f*cking disrespectful as it gets.
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txkrystal
Reg. May 2012
Posted 2014-10-23 3:44 PM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity


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Prayers for you and your family .
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Just Plain Lucky
Reg. Jun 2008
Posted 2014-10-23 4:01 PM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity



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(((Hugs))) I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds like your dad is making some really bad and hurtful decisions besides the cheating. Yeesh. .. 
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rowdy256
Reg. Aug 2008
Posted 2014-10-23 6:16 PM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity



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Hugs to you!! My dad did the same thing. I was mad, I got over it and forgave him. This happens more than you think. There are worse things in life than this, and in time this will pass. Be there for your mom and do what you can to help her out. One of the life lessons is when you think you know someone, sometimes you don't. My dad moved his married girlfriend in his grandmothers home and shipped her off to a nursing home. The kicker he was, he got mad at his married girlfriend for cheating when she had 3 other boyfriends on top of him and being married. He told my mom during the divorce no one will tell me what to do ever. Okay his married girlfriend told him when he could call, to run to the bathroom, every minute of the day. Hope this story makes you laugh, cuz I laugh at it. There was way more to this story than what I told.
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luckyjo
Reg. Apr 2007
Posted 2014-10-23 8:28 PM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity


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I am 51 now, but when I was 6 my mom caught my 40 year old dad cheating on her. She put my sister and I in the car, drove back to Arkansas and never looked back. My mom was 37, and she never remarried. My dad was never a part of my life again. It hurts, but it will make you a stronger person. So sorry you are having to deal with this.
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farmer's tan
Reg. Dec 2012
Posted 2014-10-23 11:37 PM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity




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Prayers to you, your mom and your family--this garbage is happening way too often nowadays. Your mom really should be consulting an attorney-a lot of times the initial consultation is free.

It is surprising to me how much cheating is just accepted today-if it doesn't affect someone personally, people just don't seem to be bothered by it compared to 15-20 years ago. So, I wouldn't worry to much about people talking. I had a family member who was cheated on - his wife was sleeping with a married man (whose wife kicked him out). He just kept forgiving and trying (while she just kept cheating with her boyfriend-even took her own kids on her "dates"). It affected his kids and other family members-who all knew what was going on--but the small town where they lived, everybody just shrugged like it was OK.

I hope you can find some peace in all this mess-it will take time but keep the faith.
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Lightfoot
Reg. Jul 2004
Posted 2014-10-24 8:39 AM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity



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Graceisgone - 2014-10-23 2:19 PM Thanks for the responses....they all help. If he thinks life will be easy with her, it won't. She has no job and doesn't rope good enough to make a living at it. I know that so immature but it's true. She didn't even want her kids. Like really? If he doesn't stay with her and separates from mom, I'll maybe forgive him. Stay with her--I doubt we'll speak again. He was flaunting their relationship at 2 of the largest rodeos in the area--cheating is one thing. Parading it around? That's about as f*cking disrespectful as it gets.

What most cheaters don't realize is that they are not only cheating on their spouse, they are cheating on their children as well.  Don't let this make you bitter or color your future relationships.  Be there for your mama and let your dad go about making an ass out of himself and see who comes out happier in the end. God bless you, I know how it feels. My mom cheated and I have been cheated on, sort of shakes your self confidence. 
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Carbon Copy
Reg. Jun 2006
Posted 2014-10-24 9:08 AM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity



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Location: NW. Florida
Lightfoot - 2014-10-24 8:39 AM
Graceisgone - 2014-10-23 2:19 PM Thanks for the responses....they all help. If he thinks life will be easy with her, it won't. She has no job and doesn't rope good enough to make a living at it. I know that so immature but it's true. She didn't even want her kids. Like really? If he doesn't stay with her and separates from mom, I'll maybe forgive him. Stay with her--I doubt we'll speak again. He was flaunting their relationship at 2 of the largest rodeos in the area--cheating is one thing. Parading it around? That's about as f*cking disrespectful as it gets.
What most cheaters don't realize is that they are not only cheating on their spouse, they are cheating on their children as well.  Don't let this make you bitter or color your future relationships.  Be there for your mama and let your dad go about making an ass out of himself and see who comes out happier in the end. God bless you, I know how it feels. My mom cheated and I have been cheated on, sort of shakes your self confidence. 

 
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cooper08
Reg. Apr 2008
Posted 2014-10-24 2:57 PM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity



I keep my butt inside


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It is very common unfortunately. I don't have a relationship with my father because he left my mom and my sisters and I for younger girls. He sticks around early 20s. The problem is he would be angry and take things out on my sisters and I for not "respecting" them like they are "much more mature" than my sisters and I (his words). The latest went to a community college some and still lived at home.

There are two ways this works- you talk to him and clear the air about what the situation is. He is going to have to respect your feelings and make up to you the hurt he caused. If he chooses the new girl over you then don't fight it- just walk away.

I am getting married in April and it does sting that I don't have my Dad there to walk me down the aisle or do the father daughter dance (he will be invited but not to do those things), but I am a much happier person since I cut those ties. (He actually blew up one day and told me not to think of him as a father, when he cooled down I held him to it).

What happened in the relationshpi you have to break yourself away from- don't let yourself get so defensive for your mom----bc you will. But remember- a Daddy will make things right even in a divorce. someone that is not a good true Daddy won't and is not worth your time.
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angelica
Reg. Apr 2005
Posted 2014-10-24 3:30 PM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity


I Really Love Jeans


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Location: North Dakota
I am sorry for what has happened! My dad cheated on my mom and when she found out she filed for divorce and moved in with another man, so I guess they were both tired of each other. My mom remarried and my dad dumped the woman he cheated with and ended up getting married to the first person he met after the divorce. Both of my parents made new lives for themselves and moved on. I ultimately ended up with my grandmother because my mother became aggressive towards me and my dads new wife made him kick me out when I was 14. I always had a 3.85 gpa and never got in trouble and never talked back etc... but they still did not want me around. I graduated college, got married, had children etc.. and I moved on. After not really dealing with my father for 20 years I decided that everyone makes mistakes and decided to forgive him. He was living alone because his new wife decided to leave him when he started having health issues and couldn't work anymore, she moved on to someone else when he couldn't pay her way anymore. Anyway like I said I did forgive him. This past Christmas 2013 I decided to take all my children to his home and surprise him with a christmas tree and gifts. He cried and sat around and told different stories to my children he didn't really know. Four months later I got a call from my sister that he was in the hospital with the flu, he died two days later, I heard the phone ring, my husband came into the living room, sat beside me and got me by the hand and told me my dad died! He has been gone since this past April. I am blessed I decided to go see him when I did! What we forget is that our parents are also humans and they need to live their own lives. Maybe divorce was better for them even though it was not good for me as a kid. My point is don't push away your dad, he will not live forever!   
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farmer's tan
Reg. Dec 2012
Posted 2014-10-24 4:40 PM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity




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cooper08 - 2014-10-24 2:57 PM It is very common unfortunately. I don't have a relationship with my father because he left my mom and my sisters and I for younger girls. He sticks around early 20s. The problem is he would be angry and take things out on my sisters and I for not "respecting" them like they are "much more mature" than my sisters and I (his words). The latest went to a community college some and still lived at home. There are two ways this works- you talk to him and clear the air about what the situation is. He is going to have to respect your feelings and make up to you the hurt he caused. If he chooses the new girl over you then don't fight it- just walk away.


THIS is the part that is beyond belief to me--how the cheaters just expect the kids to accept "new mommy" or "new daddy" without saying a word--and the new piece gets cranky and tries to cause problems when the children don't fawn over them like their parent does.  

You are right--if they choose a piece over their children there's not much you can do--they are too broken in the head for kids to try and reason with them.  Maybe someday they will see the light.
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CJE
Reg. Mar 2005
Posted 2014-10-25 10:04 AM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity



Famous for Not Complaining


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banjomia - 2014-10-22 11:04 AM Just keep something in mind.....you never know whats going on inside a marriage. I'm not saying that infedility is right, I'm just saying its not our place to judge. This happened to me when I was 19 and it was devastating. I was so mad at my mom...but no matter how mad I got..she was still my mom.....as an adult, and a marriage of my own, my understanding of life,marriage, kids and family is far more comprehensive now than it was back then. With long talks and with a new understanding, I actually understand what happened with my parents. We are now a very happy family and I love my step dad and my mom. You are hurt and you are angry and possibly to young to understand the dynamics of marriage. You loved your dad before this happened and I can promise you, you will not stop loving him. You may not respect his choices, but someday you may have a better understanding. Until then, pray for them and pray for strength to face each day. I promise you will find it.

Very well said...........no one knows what goes on behind closed doors even if one lives inside the doors............best thing to to is just love them both............
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permanent vacation
Reg. Jul 2014
Posted 2014-10-25 8:26 PM
Subject: RE: Parents separating due to infidelity


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Less than 10% of relationships/ and or marriages stay together when they start with infidelity. Your Dad may want to return home at some point.
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