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Teen Advice Giver
  
| I could really use some advice, opinons on this..
We are getting married next July and already sent the save the dates out (they didnt have specific details, just "Save the date" and the date).
Now that we are booking the DJ, Photographer, etc. we are spending WAY more then we ever thought. Wedding is already up to $14,000 if we stay on the path we are on.
We are extremely stressed out now, and this was never how we planned things to go. Alot of this was from family pressure to do certain things, etc.
Is there anyway classy way to switch from having a large wedding (we had sent save the dates to approx. 120 people) to just a private family event (less then 50 people).
This is just stressing me out too much :( |
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 Bulls Eye
Posts: 6443
  
Location: Oklahoma | We had immediate family only at our wedding. We got married at Mon Bel Ami Chapel in Vegas. We did have a reception/moving away party though at his parents house the following weekend. We catered in food and about 100 people showed up. So much easier and simpler. |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| TwistedK - 2014-10-23 9:08 AM
We had immediate family only at our wedding. We got married at Mon Bel Ami Chapel in Vegas. We did have a reception/moving away party though at his parents house the following weekend. We catered in food and about 100 people showed up. So much easier and simpler.
Could I do it again, this is what I would do. |
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Teen Advice Giver
| TwistedK - 2014-10-23 10:08 AM We had immediate family only at our wedding. We got married at Mon Bel Ami Chapel in Vegas. We did have a reception/moving away party though at his parents house the following weekend. We catered in food and about 100 people showed up. So much easier and simpler.
My thing is I don't want to hurt anyones feelings. We already sent the save the dates out, so I'm nervous about essentially un-inviting pretty much everyone aside from family.
We didn't send the formal inviations out yet though. |
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 Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | Can you have a private ceremony sooner, and then on the day you have on your "Save the Date" just have a big reception? That will save a lot of money. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 550
| NickyandMickey - 2014-10-23 10:05 AM
I could really use some advice, opinons on this..
We are getting married next July and already sent the save the dates out (they didnt have specific details, just "Save the date" and the date).
Now that we are booking the DJ, Photographer, etc. we are spending WAY more then we ever thought. Wedding is already up to $14,000 if we stay on the path we are on.
We are extremely stressed out now, and this was never how we planned things to go. Alot of this was from family pressure to do certain things, etc.
Is there anyway classy way to switch from having a large wedding (we had sent save the dates to approx. 120 people) to just a private family event (less then 50 people).
This is just stressing me out too much :(
I think you say it exactly like this.
Most people understand the stress of planning a wedding, I wouldn't be insulted if I got something like this.
Make it something that pleases you and you are happy with.
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Teen Advice Giver
| Murphy - 2014-10-23 10:13 AM Can you have a private ceremony sooner, and then on the day you have on your "Save the Date" just have a big reception? That will save a lot of money.
That is seriously such a great idea... I didn't think of that !
Like just have a big picnic on the date! BTW- our wedding is supposed to be only the 4th of July! So a huge party/picnic would probably work!
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Bulls Eye
Posts: 6443
Location: Oklahoma | Mine was my 2nd wedding. The first time around I had the big church wedding/reception with about 100 people and was expensive. A lot of the things were done to please the family/guests. That marriage lasted less than 3 years. The best advice I can give you: A wedding lasts a day, a marriage lasts a lifetime.
Yes, you've sent out the save the dates... but you could get married in a small intimate ceremony and use the date you've saved for the party.
I wouldn't change a thing about the 2nd wedding. It was so much less stressful with just having the family there and going to Vegas.
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  Playing the Waiting Game
Posts: 2304
| I got nothing for you but a hug |
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Sideways Riding Expert
Posts: 11371
Location: ND--it snows, it floods, it snows, it floods |
If your wedding is on the 4th of July why go to the trouble of having a huge DJ reception....make it a party and grill hot dogs, burgers, ect. Have your ceremony earlier in the day for your family and then have a backyard BBQ type deal for friends. If people can't understand why you prefer it like that then they can pay for whatever they want (I'm directing this towards the family pressure). When hubby and I got married my MIL was very adament about certain stuff and I point blank told her that we have a budget and if it wasnt' something that hubby or I wanted or cared for then WE weren't paying for it. If they wanted to fine but I wasn't forking out of our budget for it. |
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Teen Advice Giver
| I think that getting married sometime in Spring with just close family and friends...and then having a formal type dinner after at a restaraunt.
Then on 4th of July renting out a shelter at a park somewhere and having a cookout ?
I already feel weight lifting off my shoulders...just thinking of doing this instead. |
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 Tough Patooty
Posts: 2615
Location: Sperry, OK | NickyandMickey - 2014-10-23 9:27 AM I think that getting married sometime in Spring with just close family and friends...and then having a formal type dinner after at a restaraunt.
Then on 4th of July renting out a shelter at a park somewhere and having a cookout ?
I already feel weight lifting off my shoulders...just thinking of doing this instead.
You could also rent that shelter at the park for all day on the 4th.. have your ceremony mid-morning, early afternoon and then the party that evening.. would save even more money, as not to have to pay for two venues. When you send the actuall invites, just have 2 seperate ones made.. one for the family with the time of the ceremony with party to follow, and one for friends with the time of the party. Simple, easy peasy! |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | You got some really good ideals on here and glad that you are already feeling better.
When I got married, we had a nice outdoor wedding in my aunts front yard that was a really awesome place, we didnt have no DJ's just a wedding cake and my dad and uncles BBQ'ed for us afterwards. It was very simple..
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 Baby Blue's
Posts: 7306
Location: Texas | I hate that we have created this monster that is the current wedding trend. When did we start feeding 200 people at weddings for people that make, at best, a combined amount of $60,000 per year?! Sooooo many better things could be done with that money. It's a shame. Thanks Pinterest! |
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Industrial Srength Barrel Racer
Posts: 7268
| I don't think I have EVER heard someone say they wished they had had a bigger wedding! |
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 Party Reptile
Posts: 1545
Location: Magnolia, Texas | Elope and tell everyone you just couldn't wait - have a party later, download some music and play it from your phone or ipad. Have BBQ, beer, wine, etc. I didn't elope, but my wedding was under $1000....food, dress, drinks, music, decorations included. We had a blast and everyone said they wished that more people had our kind of wedding.
Good luck |
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 Own It and Move On
Location: The edge of no where | I stressed out when I started planning a wedding...the whole thing seemed to be about fulfilling everyone else's expectations and wishes. I chunked the whole stupid thing, gave my parents 24 hours notice and got married with only our immediate families on a sat night.. then we all went to a nice dinner. I didn't even bother with a dress, wore a cool one I already had that I loved.
Then we had a big reception 6 months later at my parents ranch. No stress, just lots and lots of fun. I wouldn't change a thing about the way I did things.
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 Hugs to You
Posts: 7551
Location: In The Land of Cotton | To me weddings are way out of control. Do a simple ceremony with very close family. Or elope. And, then have a nice relaxed party on the 4th.
Enjoy the day and your family and friends who are there to help you celebrate. |
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Location: not settling | Didn't want a huge ceremony (max 65 people- including kids). MIL had a different idea and wanted to invite ALL extended family and numerous friends- I lost it and hubby finally told her that she couldn't have everyone she wanted invited unless she paid for all of them. We ended up having a outdoor ceremony (60 people) done by a JP, catered supper after the ceremony (my family supplied the beef- caterer just prepared it). Then a bigger wedding dance (approx. 200), it was what we wanted. Made all of my decorations by myself and sold them after. After the cost of DJ, photographer, caterer, and bar- we only ended up having to pay $700. Our bar ended up covering most costs. ($3/drink).
Go with what you want. |
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Rad Dork
Posts: 5218
Location: Oklahoma | ACEINTHEHOLE - 2014-10-23 9:41 AM NickyandMickey - 2014-10-23 9:27 AM I think that getting married sometime in Spring with just close family and friends...and then having a formal type dinner after at a restaraunt.
Then on 4th of July renting out a shelter at a park somewhere and having a cookout ?
I already feel weight lifting off my shoulders...just thinking of doing this instead. You could also rent that shelter at the park for all day on the 4th.. have your ceremony mid-morning, early afternoon and then the party that evening.. would save even more money, as not to have to pay for two venues. When you send the actuall invites, just have 2 seperate ones made.. one for the family with the time of the ceremony with party to follow, and one for friends with the time of the party. Simple, easy peasy!
Try not to let the planning process bring you down! I hated, hated, hated planning my wedding (150-200 guests, my dad is one of twelve in a huge Catholic family.. and they don't miss weddings!!), but after getting to see everyone there it was all worth it.
ETA: I read somewhere that a couple had perfected a Pandora station and used that as their DJ. I thought that would be a really neat idea! Of course you can't make it play your dance songs at a specific time, but for just general dancing it's a cheap way to go!!
Edited by Longneck 2014-10-23 12:06 PM
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 I Chore in Chucks
Posts: 2882
Location: MD | are you saving the same date?
I would be heart broken having to essentially tell people you can't come. :(
If I were in your shoes I would say that you should hold a small private ceremony and then have a reception at a cheap place or someones house?
just a thought
but extra congrats on your upcoming wedding! |
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Teen Advice Giver
| Thank you for all of the responses!
I talked with my fiance a little bit about this today but we are going to talk more in detail later on tonight.
We are leaning towards having a private ceremony and formal dinner sometime in May. Then having a wedding party on the July 4th.
I would love to just have a private ceremony and then inivte everyone to the reception but the reception is what is costing so much ! Plus I already bought my dress and it's a really nice fancy dress and there is no way I would be able to wear it to an outdoor reception...thats why I'd like to just have a formal dinner after the private ceremony.
So much stress |
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 Firecracker Dog Lover
Posts: 3175
| I agree with others. We had a small wedding - approx. 40 people in attendance, and then had a big reception. We had some veggie trays, a friend made my cake for the cost of ingredients, and I decorated it with stuff you wouldn't normally expect, and then I had pizza and beer (it was pretty cheap - $180 for all the pizza and I had 175 guests at the big reception/party). Remember you don't have to stuff people to the gills. Since you are doing a 4th of July wedding I love the grilled burgers and hot dogs idea. None of our guests were offended they all were not invited to the actual ceremony. Have fun and good luck! |
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 Expert
Posts: 1357
Location: Mississippi |
GREAT idea! |
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 Expert
Posts: 2457
| NickyandMickey - 2014-10-23 12:20 PM
Thank you for all of the responses!
I talked with my fiance a little bit about this today but we are going to talk more in detail later on tonight.
We are leaning towards having a private ceremony and formal dinner sometime in May. Then having a wedding party on the July 4th.
I would love to just have a private ceremony and then inivte everyone to the reception but the reception is what is costing so much ! Plus I already bought my dress and it's a really nice fancy dress and there is no way I would be able to wear it to an outdoor reception...thats why I'd like to just have a formal dinner after the private ceremony.
So much stress
Chin up girl! I'm in a similar spot ... It will all work out and you'll have it sounds like a couple of SPECTACULAR days!!
Stay positive, stick to your budget, and you CAN make it happen!!! |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 929
| My husband and I had the most amazing wedding for about $3000 total. We had 145 people at ours, got married under the oak tree in the pasture, lugged hay bales out and covered them with burlap for seats, had a dance in our arena (we did pay for a DJ) purchased food and our friends had a "taco stand" for us as their present to us, and drove away from the ceremony in a white pick-up. My dress cost about $500, the bridesmaids dresses were from Panhandle Slim and cost $70, the guys wore jeans, white arena shirts and brown vests that were $54. I am very crafy and recruited some of my artsy girlfriends to assit in making decorations. To this day our town still talks about how fun my wedding was to attend. In the end...it's not about "stuff" and how fancy it looks, its about you and your husband saying your vows. Those that have issue with it should be quiet unless they are offering to pay for it. (And that's what I told mine.) Have fun and do what you want...you shouldn't start off with cripping debt from a wedding of all things. |
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Veteran
Posts: 268
| I know a couple who had a small ceremony - just family. After basically they had a reception after and the fact they got married was a surprise! More less it was a big party after a surprise wedding! It was great! Not a lot of fuss and not too expensive. It was great! Everyone loved it other than they had to keep the secret for so long! Good luck! |
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Switching wedding from large to small- Need Advice