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 California Cowgirl
Posts: 14973
    
Location: California | .
Edited by F Bar 2014-10-30 12:49 PM
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California Cowgirl
Posts: 14973
Location: California | I'm sorry to bring the negativity to the board but I am feeling beyond hopeless and I have nobody left. |
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Meanest Teacher!!!
Posts: 8555
Location: sunny california | go volunteer and see how that makes you feel. Helping others feels good |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 963
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas. | Many prayers for you. I was in a rough relationship for the past two years. I finally got out of it in February and it took me a while to get out of it. But I am now doing awesome. If you don't go to church I encourage you to go it will make your week go by better. If you don't already I also encourage you to read your bible daily. It will also help your day go by better. I didn't believe it when my mom told m to do so but im passing good information down to a person who needs it . Big hugs.
Edited by txkrystal 2014-10-28 7:08 PM
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Expert
Posts: 3147
| Find a counselor-pastor or professional! You can't afford not to go! Sounds like you and your husband both need counseling, but go alone if he refuses. A pastor should be able to refer you to inexpensive counseling if he can't help you. Good luck! |
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Cold hands and Warm Heart
Location: oklahoma | Pray and read your bible. Also, looking outside yourself and finding ways to help others.. Change your outlook. It won't happen overnight, been in your shoes, and the only one that can turn it around is you. Perserver
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 Shoot Yeah
Posts: 4273
Location: Where you need a paddle... Oregon! | I wish I had advice. I just want to say that my life has taken a total shift this past year and turned upside down. I have nowhere to go and don't make enough to move out. It is hell. I just want to say a little prayer for you and encourage you to remain hopeful. Hang in there. We are always stronger than we think.
Edited by Lady 2014-10-28 8:57 PM
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Location: South Dakota | txkrystal - 2014-10-28 7:05 PM Many prayers for you. I was in a rough relationship for the past two years. I finally got out of it in February and it took me a while to get out of it. But I am now doing awesome. If you don't go to church I encourage you to go it will make your week go by better. If you don't already I also encourage you to read your bible daily. It will also help your day go by better. I didn't believe it when my mom told m to do so but im passing good information down to a person who needs it . Big hugs.
Yes...look for a church that you can feel comfortable in...join in, make new friends there. There are good people all over, that will put a smile on your face, but we need to be willing to reach out and make that first move....also embrace the thought "Bloom where you are planted"...
We are all responsible for our own happiness...no one can do that for you....your dogs need you...and you need them....enjoy long walks with them, and pray while you are walking and think of all the good things in your life....of which there are many....truly. |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Sounds like to me you and your husband are just spining your wheels and you are a very very unhappy girl, I remember when you went back home and your family went threw all that trouble to get you back there. The only way for this marriage to work is to be happy and in love and you sound neither.
Get a job to help your days go by faster and see if any love will grow between you two, but to me this sounds like a lost cause, sorry. |
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  Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | can you reach out to your dad.. he loves you alot I think I remember and would do anything for you.. do it girl.. make the call.. if you feel that much in dispair you deserve more then just existing.. hope it all works out how you want it to.. |
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 Night Watchman
Posts: 5516
Location: Central Montana | I remember reading your previous post.......why did you go back..........
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 Thread Killer
Posts: 7545
| I think you need to get out of there.
Now. |
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10D Crack Champion
| I thought your situation had escalated to violence from him. I may have my stories wrong. All I can say......If you met yourself for the first time today, what advice would you give? If you were happy in your life, living life like you dreamed, what would you tell a sister, friend, cousin, or even another board member to do in your present situation? Isolation is not good in any unsettling situation. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1119
| Is there anything you could do for work as a freelancer? Writing, bookkeeping, etc? You could start a blog, podcasts, online store...something that you could invest yourself in other than keeping house? It may help you feel like you have more purpose.
I also agree with the church suggestion. Even if you are not religious, it could help to be around other people instead of being isolated. It may also be a way to get involved in something. For instance, the church I belong to has gotten deeply invested in helping those who have been sold into sex trafficking. There are so many ways to get involved with it, they are constantly asking for volunteers.
I am so sorry for the situation you are in, and I'm sure you feel hopeless. I am sure that anyone on this board, including me, would be willing to lend an ear if you ever need to talk! Just focus on figuring out what would make you happy and work towards getting there. I don't have any other advice, but I hope that a year from now you are living a life filled with happiness! |
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Blessed 
Location: Here | CurlyQ - 2014-10-28 7:10 PM Pray and read your bible. Also, looking outside yourself and finding ways to help others.. Change your outlook. It won't happen overnight, been in your shoes, and the only one that can turn it around is you. Perserver
I agree talk to The Lord even if you don't know him Talk to him read the Bible Help those in need Enroll in online education |
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Blessed
Location: Here | Keeping you in my prayers |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 963
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas. | sodapop - 2014-10-28 10:39 PM
I thought your situation had escalated to violence from him. I may have my stories wrong. All I can say......If you met yourself for the first time today, what advice would you give? If you were happy in your life, living life like you dreamed, what would you tell a sister, friend, cousin, or even another board member to do in your present situation? Isolation is not good in any unsettling situation.
Please if it is violence please get out. I was in a violent relationship and it took me forever to get out. I took a trip to jail . Now on my record for only who knows how long could be a year could be the rest of my life all because my husband hit me and I defended my self . And it took me that trip to decide hey he honestly really don't love me or he would of never layed a hand on me after I got out of jail I got my daughter back and moved back home with my mom and step father who would do anything for me . right now no I don't have the best job I enjoy it I babysit and am able to be around my daughter daily. so please if it is violent please get out. I use to sit at home with just my daughter. And I was bored all the time my house was clean I cooked and cared for my child other than that I didn't get to do anything. But since I've moved back to my parents house I've learned what freedom is I care for my parents house I care for my child I cook and babysit but I am able to go out and do things also.
I am sorry for the miss spellings.
Edited by txkrystal 2014-10-28 11:35 PM
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | I think maybe we keep trying because we don't like to fail...give up...and sometimes if we have lost who we are...we start believeing we need someone else to be whole. If there is violence...get out. Now. Otherwise...
Develop yourself...invest time in you. Develop activities and interests outside of the home. Get a job. By working you will see the results of the effort you put in...you will pocket some money to store up for your independence if that is the route you choose to take. Make that job an escape from your home life. Don't take it with you to work.
You need to realize your self worth and know that you do not need any other person to be happy...that by putting someone else in control of your happiness you are giving that person far too much power. Take it back.
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 pressure dripper
Posts: 8699
Location: the end of the rainbow | My heart breaks for you. To answer one of your questions - I personally do not believe that people who love each other slit each others throats verbally. What you are talking about is hateful and hurtful and very different than bickering with a loved one or a friend even. It sounds toxic to me. No one can thrive and grow in a toxic environment.
Is the torture you are putting yourself through worth the positive things you are gaining from your marriage?
my only other advice is to seek counseling and please please please take care of yourself. Just from what I've seen of you here on bhw over the years you are a beautiful and giving person with a kind and loving soul. Please nurture and protect that.
Edited by willrodeo4food 2014-10-29 8:31 AM
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 Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | GoinJettin - 2014-10-28 9:58 PM I remember reading your previous post.......why did you go back..........
That's what I was thinking. I remember you being scared for yourself and your animals. I'm sorry, but I don't see how you can love and trust someone you've been afraid of in that way--how can you sleep beside him? These types always make promises to do better and inevitably break those promises. When I was in your shoes, mr a-hole wrote me this long, sweet, pitiful letter begging for another chance and promising to seek counseling or mental help or whatever. I remember one of my aunts saying awwww, he sounds so sincere, maybe you should give him another chance--no. N-O spells no. Just no. |
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 Expert
Posts: 2457
| ridejg - 2014-10-28 9:25 PM
txkrystal - 2014-10-28 7:05 PM Many prayers for you. I was in a rough relationship for the past two years. I finally got out of it in February and it took me a while to get out of it. But I am now doing awesome. If you don't go to church I encourage you to go it will make your week go by better. If you don't already I also encourage you to read your bible daily. It will also help your day go by better. I didn't believe it when my mom told m to do so but im passing good information down to a person who needs it . Big hugs.
Yes...look for a church that you can feel comfortable in...join in, make new friends there. There are good people all over, that will put a smile on your face, but we need to be willing to reach out and make that first move....also embrace the thought "Bloom where you are planted"...
We are all responsible for our own happiness...no one can do that for you....your dogs need you...and you need them....enjoy long walks with them, and pray while you are walking and think of all the good things in your life....of which there are many....truly.
Ditto to the above - when we are searching so hard, God is waiting to help. Look to your Bible, call your family, and pray.
Find a church you are comfortable at ... hop on the internet and get to looking girl. A good pastor can help and at the very least can point you in the direction of low cost or free counseling. When we hit rock bottom and feel we have no place to go is when we find our inner strength. Volunteer, find people who are honest, good, hopeful people - allowing yourself to get out of the house is the big first step.
You CAN do it. Hugs and Prayers for you  |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | |
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 Expert
Posts: 1432
Location: Never in one place long | Pm'd you! Please watch W.F. Harley's 6 counseling sessions on youtube. It helped us immensly!! Have you tried the Love Language quiz or read the book? This also helped us a ton! On another note, if there is violence in the home or you are fearful for your life or that of anyone elses, walk away, you deserve better!
Edited by DLV 2014-10-29 9:46 AM
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 Purveyor of unconventional wisdom
Posts: 17112
Location: CA | Think on This...
Individuals do not meet by chance. They ARE necessary in the experiences of others, though they may not always use their opportunities in a spiritual way or manner.
Reading 2751-1
Edgar Cayce |
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 Serious Snap Trapper
Posts: 4275
Location: In The Snow, AZ | I'm not one with advice aside from seek the Lord.
Sending prayers for you. Make sure you're safe. |
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 The Original Cyber Bartender
Location: Washington | If your asking the question, I think your there. Time to seek help and get out. The first step is up to you......your responsible for your happiness. |
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 Miss Laundry Misshap
Posts: 5271
| Please read this. Abuse isn't necessarily hitting anyone.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/reut-amit/he-never-hit-me-domestic-abuse_b_5974386.html |
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 Balance Beam and more...
Posts: 11511
Location: 31 lengths farms | Can I ask F-Bar, if this was your sister or a daughter going thru this would you help them pack up and move on or would you tell them to stick it out and work on it? |
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 Expert
Posts: 1857
| F Bar - 2014-10-28 7:00 PM I have been on the fence about reaching out and exposing my situation but I feel as if I have reached the end of answers that I am capable of finding on my own. My marriage is new. It was last minute and rushed. It has already suffered a huge blow ending in issues with both our families. We bicker like cats and dogs . I am need and need affection. He is closed off and doesn't communicate. I left once after a blow out and a broken home. I hurt my family and those who helped me in a state of total despair when I got back to California and came all the way back to Idaho because we promised each other things would be different. The words we have slung as weapons can never be forgotten. Do people who truly love each other cut each others necks verbally?
Im once again with no support system and I feel as if I am alone even in my marriage. We go through the motions every day but the truth and love feels absent. I feel as though I have lost my identity , my feeling of self worth. There is no room for growth or career opportunity for myself in this tiny dead end town. I cook, clean and keep the house in order but I feel as though I lost who I am. I have my two dogs , the other two were adopted out in amazing homes after the last disaster. The dogs can sense my pain and I can see the tension taking a toll on them. Leaving and the heartache involved seems undoable and overwhelming. The thought of that drive alone makes my stomach turn and my eyes pour tears. The thought of sitting here feeling dead inside gives me the same feeling. I cannot find myself , I cannot make the long days hes at work and me alone pass. Every day is groundhogs day. There are not enough books to read to keep me busy. Outside it is already in the 40s as a high . I don't know how to find the answers anymore .I don't know what to do to regain myself. My family is bias and I cannot afford a counselor. Is there a missing path that I have overlooked? How do you find yourself when you have been broken down so far? How bad does something have to make you feel in order to walk away? I don't know why I am sharing this or what answers I'm hoping to fnd but I know I truly cannot keep it on my chest anymore. If anyone has been in this spot please show me a sign. Ive never felt so alone.
We do not get self worth from others. We can't truly find out who we are, what we want, what we deserve, by looking at others for the answer. He may or may not be the one you are suppose to be with, Idaho may or may not be the place you are intended to live, but there is a reason you are where you are. There is somehting to be learned, either good or bad. Ask yourself, Why did you marry him, why were you willing to move to Idaho, what did you think it was going to be like, what is there to gain from the situation you are in now, what can you do to better this situation, and is it time to walk away? If the situation you are in doesn't make you happy, change it!! |
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When do you know when you've hit rock bottom?