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Posts: 2036
 
Location: Montana | I am not sure what to do. 16 years ago my stepson was convicted for molesting two of our other children. He was 14 at the time. We asked that he be given therapy etc. He was removed from our home and lived with my husbands parents. We were asked by the therapist to come in for a session. We went and he confessed to everything that he had done. It was awful, he was 8 when his dad and I married. He confessed that he had abused other children in my inlaws neighborhood starting at the age of 6, the youngest child was 3 at the time. He also confessed to abusing his other two siblings on his mothers side they were 5 and 3 when he was 14. He also confessed to other things that were so foul I dont want to repeat it here.
Soon after my husband and I were married I realized that he had some real issues; stealing, lighting controlled fires, lying. While he lived with us we had several dogs come up missing. Two died for no apparent reason, once he left our home we have never lost another pet accept due to old age. I never thought that he had anything to do with it at the time.
I was in my late 20s at the time and still very naive. Before I found out about the abuse I thought that he was acting out because of the parental neglect from his natural mother. My husband had sole custody since he was a year old; with visitation "per his discretion" this was in the mid 80s, so the neglect had to have been sever. In my 30s I earned a psy. degree with an emphasis on children at risk. That is when I realized that he is a sociopath or what is now called antisocial personality disorder.
My husbands parents were not very nice people. We were living in my husbands small home town. His parents grew up there and they went around telling anyone who would listen lies about us. It became unbearable for our children so we moved.
My stepson contiued to break the law etc. He has spent more time in prison then out. He has started harrassing my 72 and 74 yr old parents. He has broken into their home in the past, now it is phone calls, (which my mom had blocked) and a letter, where by he is minimizing his actions and wanting us to help us expunge his record for the sexual abuse so that he doesnt have to register as a sex offender anymore. He is still incarcerated. We have not had any contact with him since we moved. I do not know what I can do legally; I am hoping someone here can give me a direction to go. It will be a cold day in hell before we would ever help him. I feel very threatend by his continued harrassment.
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 Expert
Posts: 4121
Location: SE Louisiana | No..No..NO!!! a million times NO!!! Whatever it takes... court order to stay away.. whatever.... Something else to think about... I don't believe that at the age of 8 he just pulled this behavior out of his butt.(so to speak).. Someone did this to him or showed him or told him this was ok to do and caused him to turn in this direction... If he ever manages to change this activity he will be in the minority..
Edited by komet. 2014-11-20 1:16 AM
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 Sparky
Posts: 13038
 
Location: I call the back seat on the short bus!! | May I suggest finding a good church coupled with some good therapy/counseling?? Bad thing about that is if you get the wrong counselor. But a church where the preacher is a true man of God will help one more than anything. You're stepson has obviously been a manipulator and still is...I'm going to guess a lack of boundaries and too smart for his own good? Hugs.
I think the best thing YOU can do is start reading everything you can get your hands on about this stuff. Study it and put it into action. Actions speak louder than words. more hugs...
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Sparky
Posts: 13038
Location: I call the back seat on the short bus!! | And NO. I don't believe helping him to "get out early" is a smart way to go in this case. Sounds like he needs to sit and think about it more... ;(
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 Not Afraid to Work
Posts: 4717
| Look into court orders.... file one. His victims should also be listed. Upon release, it will be part of his probation/parole and violating will send him back to prison. If he's more concerned about getting his record expunged then he hasn't changed. If an offender has changed and truly wants to mend a relationship they will approach it differently.
Hugs! |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Send him a letter to not contact you or anyone in your family. Seek legal advise in regards to a restraining order if he continues to harass you. |
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  Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | he needs to stay locked up. thats alot of kids and young ones.. he appears dangerous and could even harm your parents.. dont help.. talk to police get a restraining order.. etc.. parents to..DONT ACCEPT any more letters or calls.. and DONT reply.if he has a no contact on file.. he is breaking his orders evn in prison and they dont take that lightly.he will have more time added on |
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 More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | rodeomom3 - 2014-11-20 6:03 AM Send him a letter to not contact you or anyone in your family. Seek legal advise in regards to a restraining order if he continues to harass you.
^^^^this |
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 Famous for Not Complaining
Posts: 8848
Location: Broxton, Ga | I agree with Bibs stay away from him and he needs to remain locked up I see him as a threat to you and your family's lives. These types do not change. |
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 Miss Laundry Misshap
Posts: 5271
| I would get a restraining order for you and for your parents. I would also call his incarceration facility and let them know that he has been harassing people. |
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 Witty Enough
Posts: 2954
Location: CTX | Bibliafarm - 2014-11-20 7:13 AM he needs to stay locked up. thats alot of kids and young ones.. he appears dangerous and could even harm your parents.. dont help.. talk to police get a restraining order.. etc.. parents to..DONT ACCEPT any more letters or calls.. and DONT reply.if he has a no contact on file.. he is breaking his orders evn in prison and they dont take that lightly.he will have more time added on THIS!
What ever you do, DO NOT reply or even think about helping him. Once a psychopath always a psychopath. And he sure sounds like one to me!!
These type of people will not change, they only get better at manipulating and will hurt somebody eventually!
Good luck!! And stay safe!
Edited by cranky B4 10am 2014-11-20 8:09 AM
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 554
| I am sorry you are going thru this. But there are just some people that are broken and cannot be fixed. I would stay away and no contact. |
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 Expert
Posts: 2128
| Agreed. Speak to someone in law enforcement about a protective order against him. I feel based on the information you posted you should have no problem getting a restraining order. Take the letters and anything else with you to show the authorities as evidence of his harrassment. They need to know that you fear for your well being/safety/ect. (if you do feel that way). It is sad because he is a member of your family, but he obviously is a dangerous person. Do what you have to do and pray for him. |
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 Hugs to You
Posts: 7551
Location: In The Land of Cotton | This person no matter who he is related to will not change. He is only worried about himself and not having to register as a sex offender? He needs to stay locked up forever. I would also contact the prison warden or a person in the prison where he is. I believe there is some type of punishment for him if he is sending out threatening letters.
Prayers for you and your family. You are not going to be able to change this vile person. |
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 BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25352
Location: Bastrop, Texas | He sounds like a very dangerous psychopath....a textbook case. These types are the most dangerous among us. For the good of society, he needs to be incarcerated, or at least institutionalized. Sad and scary at the same time.
You need to do everything you can to keep him out of your lives. |
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Location: Lost with the rest of the MINIONS! | I have no advice, just so very sorry that you have to go through this. Hugs to you and your whole family. |
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 MaMa Hen
Posts: 12223
Location: Louisiana | I have had experience with people in prison, and one thing that no one else has mentioned is that they constantly want money. They want/need money in their prison accounts, to get luxury items such as cigarettes, food, "favors", and things that aren't allowed in prison but guards will bring it to them. So my first thought regarding your parents is that they might fall for his lies and send him money. PLEASE make sure they are not doing this. Contact the warden of the prison where he is and tell him/her that he is harrassing your family. Ask them to monitor his outgoing mail and stop anything from coming to your parents. Of course, if he calls, it will be collect, and anyone can refuse the call. And get that restraining order. I am sorry this guy has put your family and others through this. Some people can't be helped, and he sounds like one of them. It is a shame that his life turned out like it did, but you have to protect your family from him. Prayers for you.  |
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Expert
Posts: 2036
Location: Montana | Thank you for all of the replies. I am waiting for a call back from the prison counselor. I am not sure why they directed me to him. My first thought was to write him a letter back and though I know that it would make me feel better, it will just fuel the fire. My mother blocked her number when he first started calling and has sent him no money, though he did ask her for some initially.
My children did receive counseling after this happend and are now young adults starting their own families. They are well adjusted, hard working, honest people. I dont want to tell them what is happening; because I dont want to upset them. I am going to look into a harrassment suit. Thank all of you again for your helpful, kind words, prayers and for allowing me to vent.
Edited by Bandit94 2014-11-20 12:20 PM
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 Playing the Waiting Game
Posts: 2304
| CYA Ranch - 2014-11-20 7:20 AM rodeomom3 - 2014-11-20 6:03 AM Send him a letter to not contact you or anyone in your family. Seek legal advise in regards to a restraining order if he continues to harass you. ^^^^this
I'd take this one step further and have an attorny send the letter... In this way you have not contacted him directly and will send a message that YOU do NOT want to have anything to do with the scumbag that he is. |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | I would just get a no contact order for you and the family. If he violates it, he will be warned then more jail time. |
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| You need to do whatever it takes to keep him locked away. Some people are just born bad, no amount of medications or therapy will change them. He started at age 6 and look at he damage he did, keep him locked up. I watched a friends family go thru this, lying, stealing, animal abuse, fire starting and physical attacks on family members. After years of therapy, medications, mental hospitals, county jail, halfway houses he got his way 4 years ago at the age of 24 he murdered his father, stepmother and stepbrother. This kid was raised next door to my brothers family he ran with my nephews till he was 16 and got to weird for them, his father did everything in the world to get him help.
A restraining order is a piece of paper, it will not stop him if he wants hurt you or your family. |
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Expert
Posts: 2036
Location: Montana | I fully intend to do what I can, unfortunately they keep releasing him. I personally feel that people like him should be put to out of everyones misery. What happend to your friends family is my biggest fear. I understand exactly who we are dealing with and I agree with you. He doesnt know where we live or where my kids live and I have this place set up just in case. Four dogs, many firearms, cameras, fully fenced yard, some may think it is overkill but I admit that he scares me. I put my children through many years of defense classes. We live a few states away from where he and my parents are. Two of my brothers live on my parents farm with them and they are armed.
Edited by Bandit94 2014-11-20 9:23 PM
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10D Crack Champion
| komet. - 2014-11-20 1:04 AM No..No..NO!!! a million times NO!!! Whatever it takes... court order to stay away.. whatever.... Something else to think about... I don't believe that at the age of 8 he just pulled this behavior out of his butt.(so to speak).. Someone did this to him or showed him or told him this was ok to do and caused him to turn in this direction... If he ever manages to change this activity he will be in the minority..
What is it that caused him to turn to this horrific life when so many who have been abused don't become abusers themselves? |
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Expert
Posts: 4121
Location: SE Louisiana | sodapop - 2014-11-20 10:34 PM
komet. - 2014-11-20 1:04 AM No..No..NO!!! a million times NO!!! Whatever it takes... court order to stay away.. whatever.... Something else to think about... I don't believe that at the age of 8 he just pulled this behavior out of his butt.(so to speak).. Someone did this to him or showed him or told him this was ok to do and caused him to turn in this direction... If he ever manages to change this activity he will be in the minority..
What is it that caused him to turn to this horrific life when so many who have been abused don't become abusers themselves?
So many that have gone through this remember what it was like and would never put someone else through it... But others would... I grew up in very rural Missouri in the 60s, 70s and 80 and saw more of this than I care to remember. I still know most of those people and I see it going from generation to generation. And still it is not reported very much. |
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Expert
Posts: 2036
Location: Montana | In order to get a harrassment order I have to disclose where we live, which he would be able to see, so I am not going to file one. My parents had one in place but it ran out a few months ago, my Mother is going to get another one. I have been put in contact with a state run victim notification agency. I also spoke with his prison counseler, he is in solitary confinement and gained himself another month in jail for the harrassment. He will be released Dec of 15. then he will have 36 months of probation.
Komet, he has never said anything about having been abused himself since coming under his Dads custody. My mother in law was an ugly person. She was highly manipulative, told many lies and harrassed us at every op. My husband worked a lot and his mom would care for his son before we met. She played a lot of mind games with everyone but those that didnt know her would think that she was a nice lady. I dont believe that she did anything abusive to him but she never held him accountable would lie for him, belittle my husband in front of him, etc. What I now know is that persons like my step-son are often born with a predisposition for this kind of behavior and need a very structured environment. If you add in early neglect and abuse (his mom) then top it off with an unstructured environment (grandma) then you get someone like him. Our basic personalities are set by the time we are around six and our abilty to attach to others is formed in the first year.
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 Love Me Some Robert Redford
Posts: 2335
Location: WV | So sorry but I would keep him from everyone and everything... |
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Expert
Posts: 2036
Location: Montana | mam0329 - 2014-11-22 10:25 AM So sorry but I would keep him from everyone and everything...
I am trying to. The victims advocacy group that I have been put into contact with through the state has asked for copies of all correspondence. I have been given a contact person and they are gathering information so that their will be a case file. It is under thier suggestion that I dont reveal where we all are. Unfortunately, the authorities dont hold people like him accountable the way that they should. |
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Expert
Posts: 4121
Location: SE Louisiana | Bandit94 - 2014-11-22 10:56 AM In order to get a harrassment order I have to disclose where we live, which he would be able to see, so I am not going to file one. My parents had one in place but it ran out a few months ago, my Mother is going to get another one. I have been put in contact with a state run victim notification agency. I also spoke with his prison counseler, he is in solitary confinement and gained himself another month in jail for the harrassment. He will be released Dec of 15. then he will have 36 months of probation.
Komet, he has never said anything about having been abused himself since coming under his Dads custody. My mother in law was an ugly person. She was highly manipulative, told many lies and harrassed us at every op. My husband worked a lot and his mom would care for his son before we met. She played a lot of mind games with everyone but those that didnt know her would think that she was a nice lady. I dont believe that she did anything abusive to him but she never held him accountable would lie for him, belittle my husband in front of him, etc. What I now know is that persons like my step-son are often born with a predisposition for this kind of behavior and need a very structured environment. If you add in early neglect and abuse (his mom) then top it off with an unstructured environment (grandma) then you get someone like him. Our basic personalities are set by the time we are around six and our abilty to attach to others is formed in the first year.
Well that would make sense... The understanding now is you can be born gay or born straight... Why not this? |
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 Angel in a Sorrel Coat
Posts: 16030
Location: In a happy place | Grits - 2014-11-20 9:26 AM I have had experience with people in prison, and one thing that no one else has mentioned is that they constantly want money. They want/need money in their prison accounts, to get luxury items such as cigarettes, food, "favors", and things that aren't allowed in prison but guards will bring it to them. So my first thought regarding your parents is that they might fall for his lies and send him money. PLEASE make sure they are not doing this. Contact the warden of the prison where he is and tell him/her that he is harrassing your family. Ask them to monitor his outgoing mail and stop anything from coming to your parents. Of course, if he calls, it will be collect, and anyone can refuse the call. And get that restraining order. I am sorry this guy has put your family and others through this. Some people can't be helped, and he sounds like one of them. It is a shame that his life turned out like it did, but you have to protect your family from him. Prayers for you.
Grits reading through all the posts some talk about a restraining order. And you suggested it to. My question is can this possibly help at all? I have had no experience and was just wondering. Your advice is so good. |
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This isnt horse related. I really need some advise