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Member
Posts: 6
| My long term boyfriend and I have bought a couple of nice horses together for me to train and ride. They have always been registered in both of our names. I recently bought a new horse, that was high dollar, a different caliber than the others who I am hoping to have big plans for. One would assume that I would just put him in both of our names, however I am thinking twice about it, which would cause really hard feelings in our relationship. I have been divorced before, and lost horses in the process. Not that I foresee this happening in our relationship, but I have learned from my past and feel I need to protect myself, as I could not afford to replace him (which would be nothing compared to the emotional toll). He would have his feelings hurt and be heartbroken to hear this. It makes me feel selfish but smart. What do I do? |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
   
Location: Kansas | NOPE! put the horse in your name |
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 Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | All my horses are in my name only.
ETA: we had been married for 6 years before I took him as a partner in the farm, and even then the lawyer asked me to think long and hard before signing the papers. That was a harder decision than getting married! LOL. And I still put the horses in my name. 
Edited by Three 4 Luck 2014-11-21 8:38 AM
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 Expert
Posts: 1392
Location: Central Texas | At my house if I buy it, it goes in my name. If "we" buy it, it goes in both names. That goes for everything not just animals. House, vehicles, trailers...etc. I too have been divorced and lost all my horses in the divorce. I have been with my current SO for almost 13 yrs now and this is what works for us. |
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Member
Posts: 5
| Put the horse in your name. At least until you two have been married for a while. Don't want to make the same mistake twice. Just tell him it's nothing personal you are just watching out for yourself until your relationship is more concrete. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 669
Location: Central Texas | GraciousLegacy - 2014-11-21 8:33 AM
At my house if I buy it, it goes in my name. If "we" buy it, it goes in both names. That goes for everything not just animals. House, vehicles, trailers...etc. I too have been divorced and lost all my horses in the divorce. I have been with my current SO for almost 13 yrs now and this is what works for us.
This is our routine as well. |
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 Namesless in BHW
Posts: 10368
Location: At the race track with Ah Dee Ohs | If money was spent from the two of you, both names. If you used your own money, then I say your name.
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Member
Posts: 6
| I just feel bad in that the horses we both went in on, are in both of our names. A horse he bought, is in my name bc he didn't have a membership and didn't care about getting one, so just told me I could register it. Everything he does is for me and my wants and dreams. He is all about making me happy and is so giving. Now I finally got this opportunity, and it's making me feel selfish. The horse is a stud, which makes it harder. We are both so excited about his future and I feel this would crush him. |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| total performance - 2014-11-21 8:55 AM
If money was spent from the two of you, both names. If you used your own money, then I say your name.
^^^ This^^ |
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Member
Posts: 6
| But a horse that he only bought (for me) is in my name only. He doesn't ride, is just my biggest supporter ever. |
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 Angel in a Sorrel Coat
Posts: 16030
Location: In a happy place | Put him in your name. I would try to sit down with boyfriend and explain your feelings upfront. Your fears are very real. I for one was married to my husband for 25 years and when he found the young girlfriend everything went out the window. Let him know you love him dearly but you have been through a divorce and readily know how you can lose things. You might even offer to put the one horse he bought himself in his name if it makes him feel better.
I hope he is understanding but under no circumstances would I put the horse in both your names. |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| So if he put one horse in your name only, why would putting this one in your name only upset him? |
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 Veteran
Posts: 141
Location: College Station, TX | Don't make decisions based on a past relationship. This isn't your ex husband.
Not saying putting him in only your name isn't the right decision (all mine are only in my name as of now), but don't do it only because you're protecting yourself from your past. This isn't your past, and it sounds like you have a really good thing going. Discuss it with him and tell him what your thinking, but make sure it doesn't sound like you're holding things against him that he didn't do. |
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 I Chore in Chucks
Posts: 2882
Location: MD | Talkeetnababe - 2014-11-21 10:16 AM Don't make decisions based on a past relationship. This isn't your ex husband. Not saying putting him in only your name isn't the right decision (all mine are only in my name as of now), but don't do it only because you're protecting yourself from your past. This isn't your past, and it sounds like you have a really good thing going. Discuss it with him and tell him what your thinking, but make sure it doesn't sound like you're holding things against him that he didn't do.
^^^^ |
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 Expert
Posts: 1857
| have you talked to him about it? Told him what fear you have of it being put in both names, etc? He might be up set but he might also understand and it might not be as big of a deal to him as you think.... |
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 Go For It!
Location: Texas |
The expression "long term boyfriend" is kind of funny to me. It sounds like you are already answering your own question... you aren't confident enough in your relationship to make this a non issue. Maybe you need to rethink the relationship, not the horse, lol. How would you feel if he decided that he wanted that horse in just his name... I'm guessing that would pretty much end the relationship, lol. Sounds like a double standard to me.
I hope it all works out for you.
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Expert
Posts: 1586
Location: west of East Texas | Why say anything at all? Just register it how you want to, doesn't sound like he's all that involved in the paperwork.
or
Did you buy the horse or did he? If y'all bought it together, register it together. If you bought it on your own, register as such. How did y'all talk about it when considering the purchase? Was it yours, his, or ours? You must have discussed it sometime before the purchase. If he participated in the decision to purchase or came up with some of the money, then it's a joint project. If this horse isn't considered part of the 'buy/sell' department and you paid for it, it's yours and I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 667
| I would sit him down and talk to him and tell him your thoughts and honest reasons. If he is concerned about it maybe tell him that you will put the one horse that HE bought for you in his name completely and take your name off the papers. If you bought the horse with your money then you need to only have your name on the papers. Sounds like you already have a "program" working/.... joint money= joint names on papers. you just have to work on the other now. Good Luck. Hopefully he will understand |
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Member
Posts: 6
| Long term boyfriend in that it is not a new relationship, we are just not married. I do not know if we will get married, it is not a big issue for us. Our relationship is really great and I know that marriage or no marriage, we will be together. I guess I should have said my significant other.
I purchased the horse alone. I guess others are right in that I should not look at my past relationship in this one, but you know the saying "you fool me once, shame on you. you fool me twice, shame on me".... |
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 Always Off Topic
Posts: 6382
Location: ND | nothing wrong necessarily with having it in your name but that should be conversation that should be had and if your relationship is as you describe, it should be an easy conversation.....the fool me once adage only relates in the same situation.....if that is the thought process for the new relationship or further relationships, it will always lead to failure at some level |
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 Good Grief!
Posts: 6343
Location: Cap'n Joan Rotgut.....alberta | all my stuff and animals are in my name only......
m |
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| Does it really matter whose name is on the papers in the eyes of the law?
If you are living together and have purchased things together, depending on your state laws, you may be considered common law, then the lines get blurred as you acquired the horse while you were together therefore is both of yours, it may not matter whose bank account the money actually came out of.
I don't understand how or why people would pay AQHA more then one membership per year per household.
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 972
Location: Texas! | I believe most common law states you must both agree to be husband and wife not just bf/gf. I don't think just living together makes you married. Atleast the ones I've looked into. Wyoming doesn't have common law so I don't worry too much about that. |
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In a bind....