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  Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
   
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | I have on several occasions posted on here about my husbands mother. From me convincing her to come live with us so we could help her get better health care (which she did), to her treating me less then appropriately, to her blaming me and spready rumours about me when I had my miscarraige.
Anyways, last June/July she moved back to her hometown, four hours away. She went downhill healthwise from there, which is what we all predicted. She called my husband about 6-8 weeks later and proceeded to accuse him of not loving her anymore and not giving a **** about her, so forth and so on. I ended up calling her shortly after to explain to her that she had absolutely no right to say those things to him, that I didn't believe she meant it, and that she needed to call him and apologize. I also told her that if it ever happened again, that it would force me to ask my husband to stop speaking with her completely. I will protect my husband from anything, including his own mother.
Things went well. She called and apologized. She mistakenly thought it meant that she could be my friend again, and I know it caused some tension when she realized it didn't (she tried calling me a few times but I will not speak with her unless it's a necessity).
Fast foward to November. She called and asked us to come down for Thanksgiving. We declined. But only because we both had to work. We offered to come down on a weekend between Thanksgiving and Christmas. A week prior to Thanksgiving she ends up in the hospital in really bad condition. We drive down the day before and sat with her all day and talked about plans with family.
She got better and went home. Last saturday my hubands sister sent me a text to give me a heads up that she was calling all her kids and screaming/cussing at them for not telling the hospital to let her die. I intercepted her call to Josh so he didn't have to be yelled at for loving her. I was not mean with her, and tried to talk some sense into her that everybody loved her too much to let her go.
Sunday night she tried to commit suicide by overdosing on prescription meds, then admitted she did it before Thanksgiving as well (when she went to the hospital).
She is in the hospital right now but she refuses to speak to any of her kids because her daughter called 911. I think the plan is that she goes home on hospice because she is refusing treatment. I asked hubby to go see his mom before she passes and he is refusing. He said if that's how she wants to be then he won't have anything to do with it.
I know that conversation back in August where she accused him of not loving her ruined a lot for him. He's never been the same towards her since.
So I'm asking for prayers for her, her family, and mostlly prayers for my husband that he can find strength and that he will be ok no matter what he decides to do.
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 Bulls Eye
Posts: 6443
Location: Oklahoma | Many many prayers for strength for you and your husband and his mother right now. |
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 Triple Extra-Ordinaire
Posts: 4244
Location: Okla |  Prayers for your husband and the whole family. |
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 Angel in a Sorrel Coat
Posts: 16030
Location: In a happy place | First prayers for your entire family and your wonderful husband.
Second I don't believe it is necessary for him to go see her for him to have peace in his life.
There are some compliacated things in my family and have had to face some of what your husband is doing. And I found peace. He just needs to what he feels is right for him at the moment. jmo |
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 Making the post season
Posts: 7288
Location: your guess is as good as mine | So many |
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 Special Somebody
Posts: 3951
Location: Finally horseback again.... | I am very sorry for what your going through but want to give you a small bit of insight that you may or may not being lookingat.
It sounds to me that his mother has mental health issues or possibly some dementia.
I know it is difficult to hear but in all reality, it may not be the real person talking.
My father whom I was extremely close to called me one day screaming and yelling at me, which had never in my life happened, I was heartbroken by what he said to me. I spent months not saying much to him because of it. He was diagnosed with Alzheimers shortly after.
That being said, please take into consideration that your mother in law may not be in a coherent state of mental health. Some stages of dementia or even depression are common for elderly people to think no one cares, people are stealing from them, they want to die, ect. When in reality they have a loving and supportive family. ( We deal with this with my husbands grandmother as well)
It is always said to be hardest on family members of dementia patients because they can say hurtful things and not really know they said it. To them, they are just abandoned.
Do yourself and your husband a favor and do some research on dementia, alzheimers and depression. You may find out that it isnt an issue of his mother being hurtful toward you but a mental health issue instead.
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 Dr. Ruth
Posts: 9891
Location: Blissfully happy Giants fan!!! | |
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 If it Ain't a Paint it Ain't!
Posts: 8519
Location: Mansfield, Tx | |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | Canchasr1 - 2014-12-16 4:24 PM I am very sorry for what your going through but want to give you a small bit of insight that you may or may not being lookingat.
It sounds to me that his mother has mental health issues or possibly some dementia.
I know it is difficult to hear but in all reality, it may not be the real person talking.
My father whom I was extremely close to called me one day screaming and yelling at me, which had never in my life happened, I was heartbroken by what he said to me. I spent months not saying much to him because of it. He was diagnosed with Alzheimers shortly after.
That being said, please take into consideration that your mother in law may not be in a coherent state of mental health. Some stages of dementia or even depression are common for elderly people to think no one cares, people are stealing from them, they want to die, ect. When in reality they have a loving and supportive family. ( We deal with this with my husbands grandmother as well)
It is always said to be hardest on family members of dementia patients because they can say hurtful things and not really know they said it. To them, they are just abandoned.
Do yourself and your husband a favor and do some research on dementia, alzheimers and depression. You may find out that it isnt an issue of his mother being hurtful toward you but a mental health issue instead.
We already know that her mental state is fragile and has a lot to do with it. Hence the reason I called her back in August and told her i knew she didnt mean what she said. My only goal at that point was to keep the relationship between her and my husband somewhat intact because he didnt want to talk to her after that.
My husband says its not really her anymore but either way hes bull headed and hes not ok with her trying to kill herself. She has even asked her kids to help her do it
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| Prayers for emotional healing for you, your husband, and his siblings, and to find each within each other and themselves.
Prayers to your mother in law to find peace within herself, as it sounds like she is battling a few demons. Hopefully the hospital will offer counselling and medication. There are a few injectable antipsychotic drugs that may be the better choice for her |
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Expert
Posts: 5321
Location: Texas | |
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 Love Me Some Robert Redford
Posts: 2335
Location: WV | |
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 More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| Canchasr1 - 2014-12-16 3:24 PM
I am very sorry for what your going through but want to give you a small bit of insight that you may or may not being lookingat.
It sounds to me that his mother has mental health issues or possibly some dementia.
I know it is difficult to hear but in all reality, it may not be the real person talking.
My father whom I was extremely close to called me one day screaming and yelling at me, which had never in my life happened, I was heartbroken by what he said to me. I spent months not saying much to him because of it. He was diagnosed with Alzheimers shortly after.
That being said, please take into consideration that your mother in law may not be in a coherent state of mental health. Some stages of dementia or even depression are common for elderly people to think no one cares, people are stealing from them, they want to die, ect. When in reality they have a loving and supportive family. ( We deal with this with my husbands grandmother as well)
It is always said to be hardest on family members of dementia patients because they can say hurtful things and not really know they said it. To them, they are just abandoned.
Do yourself and your husband a favor and do some research on dementia, alzheimers and depression. You may find out that it isnt an issue of his mother being hurtful toward you but a mental health issue instead.
^^^^THIS^^^. It's do hard on the ones who have to deal with this. Prayers for you and your family. |
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 Ms. Marine
Posts: 4641
Location: Texas | |
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Expert
Posts: 2685
| I am so sorry. Prayers for everyone. |
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Blessed 
Location: Here | |
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Nut Case Expert
Posts: 9305
Location: Tulsa, Ok | missroselee - 2014-12-16 4:00 PM Canchasr1 - 2014-12-16 4:24 PM I am very sorry for what your going through but want to give you a small bit of insight that you may or may not being lookingat.
It sounds to me that his mother has mental health issues or possibly some dementia.
I know it is difficult to hear but in all reality, it may not be the real person talking.
My father whom I was extremely close to called me one day screaming and yelling at me, which had never in my life happened, I was heartbroken by what he said to me. I spent months not saying much to him because of it. He was diagnosed with Alzheimers shortly after.
That being said, please take into consideration that your mother in law may not be in a coherent state of mental health. Some stages of dementia or even depression are common for elderly people to think no one cares, people are stealing from them, they want to die, ect. When in reality they have a loving and supportive family. ( We deal with this with my husbands grandmother as well)
It is always said to be hardest on family members of dementia patients because they can say hurtful things and not really know they said it. To them, they are just abandoned.
Do yourself and your husband a favor and do some research on dementia, alzheimers and depression. You may find out that it isnt an issue of his mother being hurtful toward you but a mental health issue instead.
We already know that her mental state is fragile and has a lot to do with it. Hence the reason I called her back in August and told her i knew she didnt mean what she said. My only goal at that point was to keep the relationship between her and my husband somewhat intact because he didnt want to talk to her after that.
My husband says its not really her anymore but either way hes bull headed and hes not ok with her trying to kill herself. She has even asked her kids to help her do it
Anyone that attempts to take their own life has to be in a place so deep and dark that it is incomprehensible to a healthy mind. Please help your husband find the compassion to express his love in spite of what he is feeling. He needs to do this not only for his mother but for his himself. Regret is a terrible thing to live with. |
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Location: Lost with the rest of the MINIONS! | I am so sorry you are going through this. Many prayers for you, your husband and your whole family. |
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 I Am Always Right
Posts: 4264
Location: stray dump capital of the world | Your husband needs to make peace with his mom before she passes. I watch my mother being eaten with guilt over not making peace with her own mother. It will be better for him in the long run. Sending prayers for you and your husband. |
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Expert
Posts: 1586
Location: west of East Texas | Prayers for peace for each of your hearts and minds. |
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 Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | You have received some good insight here......prayers for peace........ |
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 Swiffer PIcker Upper
Posts: 4015
Location: Four Corners Colorado | I grew up with a grandmother who is an alcoholic and like clock work every Thanksgiving and Christmas we would go to the E.R. at least once because she would go on a bender and then take pills and try to kill herself. She did it for attention and loved everyone flying in and fussing over her. It was awful. eventually my aunt moved her to an assisted living facility near them and the rest of the family where she could be the center of attention everywhere and from what I hear she is happy and hasn't tried to kill herself since.
I understand where your husband is and it is a hard place to be and probably even harder because it is his mom. I would leave it up to him if he wants to talk to her. Some people handle things differently if he has told her how he feels and decided not to talk to her that is his choice and may just be his way of handling it. I will probably never speak to my grandmother again as I don't have much to say to her. I also lost my father to suicide and my childhood best friend, it is just something that is so hard to wrap your head around.
Edited by equussynergy 2014-12-17 9:05 AM
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | Let me start by saying that hubby and his mom arent on bad terms right now. I think hes just to the point that he refuses to go running to her every time she does something. She is home from the hospital. Not sure on details. She sent hubby a text and apologized for her "stupid stunt" as she pit it.
He has a little tome off work this month so i am going to see aboit going to visit her one day. I can use the holidays as an excuse to get him to go if I have to |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | And thank you guys for the prayers and support |
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She's a Tough One
Posts: 3199
| No advice here. Just sending prayers your guys way. |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | No updates on his moms exact health condition, but i was able to talk him into a one day visit. |
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 Semper Fi
Location: North Texas | MissRoseLee, speaking from personal experience, I commend you on your efforts to take care of Josh and His Mother's relationship. Again from personal experience Josh will NOT regret visiting with and having a relationship with His Mother after the fact. Please feel free to pass this onto him. |
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I'm a Cry Baby
Posts: 3781
Location: n.c. |
Many prayers for your husband, you and the whole family.
An aging parent is a tough one to deal with. I'm not good with words, so if I put this
indelicately, I apologize. I'm glad you talked him into going to visit his Mom. Because regardless of the situation,
we only have one.
Strength to both of you. And as Josh said; it's not really his Mom. |
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 I Don't Brag
Posts: 6960
| Hugs and prayers for you, your husband and his family and bless you for trying to run interference for your hubby. Not all spouses are so supportive. |
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Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | We are down here now. Its going well enough. One of his brothers couldnt be bothered to show up.
I had found an old photo of his mom and brothers. So I put it in a nice frame for her. Had hubby give it to her. She hated it. But oh stinking well. I wasnt wanting to come but hubby asked me to. Its been a good visit so far for his family.
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Can I ask for prayers for family.....