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boon
Posts: 2
Location: South texas | Cant remember the login to my old account but i was so desperate to know opinions that I made a new one! ok ok so my husband & I have been married for 5 years and we really had never talked about children until I got pregnant with my only daughter who is now 2! I grew up as an only child and was incredibly happy as I am extremely introverted. My husband has been hinting often lately that he would love another child (or more) because its not fair to my daughter to be an only child if we have the choice to give her siblings. I however am honestly not a huge fan of the idea of more children because I enjoyed growing up as an only child so much. I know some people get really touchy on this subject about "selfishness" but i would still love to hear yalls opinions!! |
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 Expert
Posts: 1357
 
Location: Mississippi | I was an only child, and my daughter is an only child. I have never missed having siblings - never knew the difference. Honestly, I'm not sure how people afford more than one these days. My daughter seems well adjusted - she just passed the bar exam and has a great job as an attorney. I don't think it affected her to be an only child either. |
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  Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
 
Location: Displaced Iowegian | I know both.....those who loved being an only child and those who are not very well adjusted because they WERE the only child........That being said, this is an "in-depth" discussion that you NEED to have with your husband. If he really wants more children, he could grow to resent you for making the decision to not have any more........
Edited by NJJ 2014-12-28 6:52 PM
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boon
Posts: 2
Location: South texas | @NJJ my husband is a really laid back guy and I know it wouldnt phase him either way. I think he is just coming from a place of wanting to make sure our daughter is happy. We are both not the "i want a huge family" kind of people. I think he is just worried for her. |
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 Heeler Hoarder
Posts: 2067
| I have a brother and I know as we get older I couldn't imagine being a only child. But if your child is close with cousins etc. that might make a difference ? I think personally I would want my child to have a sibling if given the option. I would sit down and discuss it with your husband, it's really a personal decision. |
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Addicted to Baseball
Location: Where the stars at night are big and bright, TX | I never wanted kids much of my adult life. Then I married and we planned for the first. Three weeks out from having her I "knew" I was to have another. I didn't want her walking this earth alone after we're gone - but past that I had an overwhelming feeling she was to have a sibling so we had another. He blessed us with a boy. One of each, they love each other immensely, and compliment each other perfectly.
You need to be making this decision with your husband - my decision to have another stemmed from something else telling me she was not to be alone in this world, hard to explain, as it didn't come from me having planned it ahead of time. My sister and I never get along and we were close in age, and my husband and his brother didn't get along and they are 5 years apart. I heard another voice when the thought crossed my mind and it was about her, I went with those feelings, I'm glad I did.
You'll get a different opinion from everyone anyway. |
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Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | laurenR85 - 2014-12-28 6:47 PM @NJJ my husband is a really laid back guy and I know it wouldnt phase him either way. I think he is just coming from a place of wanting to make sure our daughter is happy. We are both not the "i want a huge family" kind of people. I think he is just worried for her.
Your child is only two......you have several years to consider whether or not to add to your family....Good Luck! |
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Red Bull Agressive
Posts: 5981
Location: North Dakota | I think it's very personal but my sister and I are BFF's and with all the moving my family did and my shy, introverted nature, I would have had NO friends in many situations if I didn't have her. We only wish we were closer in age (5 yrs apart).
Edited by cavyrunsbarrels 2014-12-28 6:52 PM
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 678
Location: Canada | My son is four and he will be an only child. I work from my home office but he goes to daycare so he gets to socialize with other kids his age. He loves it.
There are 10 years between my sister and I so we both grew up basically as only children. I really think it depends on how you raise your child to how they act. As long as you insist on manners, values, and hard work whether you have one or one hundred they'll be just fine :) |
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 No Tune in a Bucket
Posts: 2935
Location: Texas | I have a sister that is 8 years older than me. We worked together for years with me as her supervisor. We still have a close relationship and do lots of things together. I have another sister who is 14 months older an me. If something good happens, she is my first call. If something bad happens, she is my first call. We really didn't have 'best friends' in high school because we did everything together and didn't need one. I would never have kids 14 months apart, but it worked for us. My older sons are 5 years apart and I think that is a little too far much.
Edited by RocketPilot 2014-12-28 10:07 PM
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 Veteran
Posts: 149
Location: Mississippi | A siing would be a good thing. I was an only child and sometimes missed not haveing a someone to play with. Untile we got neighbors with kids. It's 50/50 |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1118
Location: The South | Well I'm an only child and I'm fabulous 
Sorry I'll try to be serious. My roommate in college said she couldn't tell that I was an only child so hopefully that means I'm not a spoiled selfish brat LOL.
My husband has one sister that's 5 years older so I'll give you my perspective on the differences.
His parents did more for her financially when she was in school. She graduated with less $$ in student loans and didn't work all through school like my husband did. Then she got pregnant from a one-night stand and now they are spending a buttload of $$ putting the kid in a decent school, etc.
My husband doesn't really talk about it, but I can tell that deep down it hurts his feelings that they've helped her out more.
I guess my point is this-I don't see how parents can keep everything "equal" when they have more than one kid; it seems like someone might always feel like they're getting the short end of the stick.
Who knows though. You'll get tons of opinions I'm sure, but what really matters is what your gut tells you is right for your family.
We've decided not to have children and believe me, everyone has an opinion on that too!  Good luck! |
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 Super Woman
Posts: 1368
| I am a only child and my son who is 17 is a only child and grandchild. He is well adjusted with goals he is accomplishing that most 30 yr olds don't have. My son hated the thought of even adopting a sibling. He has been for being the only child since he could talk. Lol! However, the older I get the more I wish I had a sibling. It is very hard dealing with older parents being sick ect. when you are a only child. I wish the best for you its a hard decision. |
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 Mature beyond Years
Posts: 10780
Location: North of the 49th Parallel | I'm an only child and somedays I do wish I had a sibling. I do have a cousin, that as we have grown up (now early 20s) has become my "brother". When/if I have kids, I want more than one. |
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 Texas Taco
Posts: 7499
Location: Bandera, TX | I'm a 42 year old only child. I wish I would have a sibling, especially now with my parents getting older.
My parents spoiled me growing up and still do, however I wish I could have shared the love as well as expectations with someone else. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1718
Location: Southeast Louisiana | barn goddess - 2014-12-28 9:10 PM
I am a only child and my son who is 17 is a only child and grandchild. He is well adjusted with goals he is accomplishing that most 30 yr olds don't have. My son hated the thought of even adopting a sibling. He has been for being the only child since he could talk. Lol! However, the older I get the more I wish I had a sibling. It is very hard dealing with older parents being sick ect. when you are a only child. I wish the best for you its a hard decision.
It would be worse if you had siblings who didn't agree with you and weren't willing to share the work load equally of caring for elders daily. |
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Expert
Posts: 1718
Location: Southeast Louisiana | I believe if you grow up in a dysfunctional environment, as an only child or with siblings, you will likewise have negative experiences. It has nothing to do with simply having siblings or not.
Discuss it with your husband and do what is right for your situation. Just don't tell the child her whole life that you wish you'd had other kids and she likely won't see it that way. Be happy with your choices and voice that. |
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 Ace Ventura Pet Detective
Posts: 2411
Location: Wisconsin | I have often asked my son this same question. Does he miss having siblings? He is 28 and very successful..and his answer is always the same. "Mom, my success is because of you and Dad...and then always adds, "and How could you have afford two of me"! Just to add..this is a personal choice for some and not for others, so this is for you to decide..
Edited by nettieb3 2014-12-28 11:41 PM
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Expert
Posts: 1477
Location: In the land of peanuts and cotton | I'm a only child and love it! But I won't lie I'm about the biggest spoiled brat you will find. I'm not proud of it but that's just the way I am. I never missed having anyone to play with because I was never a sharer. What's mine is mine and you don't touch it. I'm 22 and don't plan on having kids but if I do I just want one. I think if you have just one you can do more with him/her and give more. There's no way I could have everything I have now if I wasn't a only child. |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| It is a very personal decision and what ever you decide will be the right one. My kids (2) didn't get along when they were younger. They were almost 4 years apart, girl and a boy. But now you mess with one you've messed with them both. They love each other and love hanging out with other now. I never let them be ugly to each other and I encouraged their individuality. I have a brother and a sister and there have been times as adults we have not gotten along, but we do now and I love them so much. Even when we didn't get along, we stuck up gor each other because that's what family is supposed to do. We never lived close to our cousins and other family so maybe that explains our experience. Like others have said, only you and your husband know what is right for your family. |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | I am an only child. I was spoiled but not spoiled rotten. My folks made sure that I earned things. I worked from 8th grade on. I'm not huge on material "things", am not a big shopper or anything like that. I have a good relationship with my folks and am fairly well-adjusted (lol).
I was given a lot, but I am very grateful. I don't "miss" having a sibling, though I would not have minded having one.
Not all siblings are close... my husband has a brother who is a complete jerk. They don't keep in touch at all- so basically, now, he's an only child too (when his parents need help).
I would do what feels right. Don't feel obligated to have more than one if that's not what you or your husband inherently want. |
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 Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | I can't imagine life without my sister. I have a boy and girl 3 years apart and they love each other dearly, although they fight like crazy at times: one is a picker and the other has a red headed temper. Our lives would be poorer if we had stopped at one, which I kind of wanted to because I couldn't imagine loving another that much, and hated being pregnant, but the good Lord took it out of my hands and sent her to us anyway. She has been such a blessing to our family, beyond what I could have ever imagined. After 2 I knew without a doubt we were DONE and got my hubby snipped. |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| Three 4 Luck - 2014-12-29 9:43 AM
I can't imagine life without my sister. I have a boy and girl 3 years apart and they love each other dearly, although they fight like crazy at times: one is a picker and the other has a red headed temper. Our lives would be poorer if we had stopped at one, which I kind of wanted to because I couldn't imagine loving another that much, and hated being pregnant, but the good Lord took it out of my hands and sent her to us anyway. She has been such a blessing to our family, beyond what I could have ever imagined. After 2 I knew without a doubt we were DONE and got my hubby snipped.
LOL, yeah, HE sure does let you know your path! I didn't want any kids and after my daughter, didn't care if I had another one, but once again the Lord stepped in and helped me see one more kid was needed at our house. I couldn't love my kids more and having more than one does not take away love for the first one. |
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 Playing the Waiting Game
Posts: 2304
| Mom had 8 kids in 9 years was a real trip growing up... that being said my Ex is and only child and he is having a real hard time now that his parents are getting to that age of needing care and extra help and he's the only one to make the decisions... He really wishes now that he had a brother or sister to help out. ALSO from my point of veiw him being an only child he has a hard time fighting... aka resolving conflicts... he thinks when you fight that's it and doesn't really understand that you can still be friends after you're done. |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | Having siblings doesn't mean they will help out with older parents.... My hubs has one, but I highly doubt he will be of any help... EVER. My BIL didn't even call my MIL when she had her knee replaced until the next holiday after her surgery. SMH |
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Member
Posts: 11
| I am going through the same thing. I have a 4 year old son and my husband and I are trying to decide on another child. He has children from previous relationships that are not in the picture. I only have my son. I am happy with him being an only child. My dad is an only child and he says that is the worst thing you can ever do to a person. Both of my grandparents on his side have passed and he says there is nobody left to share the memories with. I see his point, but I am still not sure what my husband I will decide. |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| My grandmother passed this year. She was 95. ALL her children helped care for her. My uncle did the most since he lived in the same town. My aunt lived a couple hours away, but she and her daughter visited at least once a week. My mom lived 7 hours away, but would go up for Doctor appointments and whenever Granma was hospitalized to help take care of her in addition to other periodic visits. Not all siblings fight and not all kids leave the care of their parents to just one kid. It breaks my heart to hear how some of you are left alone to care for your parents. That is just not right. I include you in my prayers and am in awe of your resolve and love you have for your family.  |
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Veteran
Posts: 120
| TessBelle - 2014-12-29 5:39 AM
I'm a only child and love it! But I won't lie I'm about the biggest spoiled brat you will find. I'm not proud of it but that's just the way I am. I never missed having anyone to play with because I was never a sharer. What's mine is mine and you don't touch it. I'm 22 and don't plan on having kids but if I do I just want one. I think if you have just one you can do more with him/her and give more. There's no way I could have everything I have now if I wasn't a only child.
Not trying to be mean....but this is a good example of why NOT to have an only child...this is the dreaded only child syndrome that people talk about.....kudos to you for being honest..but wow......lol
Edited by banjomia 2014-12-29 10:41 AM
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 Party Girl
Posts: 12293
Location: Buffalo, Wyoming | If it weren't for my 3 sisters I probably wouldn't have had any real friends when I was growing up. The 4 of us are the best friends anyone could ever have. Of course we fight but we stick up for one another no matter what!
If I have kids I do want 2 so they have someone to grow up with. We do not live close to either side of our family so they wouldn't really have any cousins to grow up with.
Good luck in your decision. |
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| My ex was an only child and was very selfish and cold. But, his mother was that way also. I determined that I would have 2 kids which I did - a boy and a girl--got lucky there. They are great friends now as adults. My siblings had never been really close, but as we've grown older we have grown closer and appreciate having siblings more.
That being said, it is a personal decision for your and your husband. |
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 Thread Killer
Posts: 7545
| I think this is a choice that only you and your husband can make.
There are so many different outcomes; good or bad. I know great only children and a few not so great only children, just like I know great people who have siblings and not-so-good people who have (good) siblings. It just depends. Having me as a sibling/friend didn't stop my sister from becoming selfish, either. I still lover her, though.
My great grandfather had 4 children and only one (my great aunt) took care of him. Thankfully she had the help of his grandchildren. |
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 Expert
Posts: 2276
Location: ohio-in my own little world with pretty ponies :) | I couldn't imagine being an only child. I loved always having someone there to play with or hang out with. My cousin is an only child and was always jealous and sad she didn't have siblings...although she was close with us it still wasn't the same. |
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 Am I really the Weirdo?
Posts: 11181
Location: Kansas | I have two younger brothers - one is 4 years younger and the other is 12 1/2 years younger - and my boyfriend is an only child. My brothers and I are all more outgoing than Matt is, probably because we grew up with other kids around. Brett as the youngest is by far the most social, most outgoing and most willing to share things with others probably because he grew up going to all of Kyle and I's events, basketball games, horse shows etc, and had to find ways to entertain himself. Though Matt is an only child, he is pretty close to one of his cousins - also an only child - and that's nice. All 4 of us grew up being fairly spoiled, but not terribly so. My brothers and I are the only grandkids on my Mom's side of the family so grandma and grandpa always spoiled us while at Matt's, his parents did the spoiling. lol. As far as having 1 kid or more, I don't really have an opinion. 2 would almost certainly be the max for me as I absolutely hate doctors offices, hospitals and throwing up. Honestly I would prefer to just adopt or have someone else do the pregnancy thing for me! LOL> |
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 Veteran
Posts: 246
Location: Idaho | This is a personal decision between you and your husband. I am one of two siblings. We are 6 years apart. We get along but we arent "close". My husband is an only child (great man!) When we first got together in my mind I wanted 3. We got surprised with our first one. And she has been our only one, she is now 8. Neither of us are planning on another for a few reasons. Financially, right now we can support all three of us and our hobby (horses, which we all do and enjoy together), We've never "felt" we needed/wanted another child ( which my mom said she would only have one and 6 years later "felt" very strongly she needed another, ive always waited for that feeling and havent gotten it.) We are happy! I work to keep my kid in check because its easy to spoil her. She is a little (or a lot) due to the grandparents but i do make it a priority to keep her in check. She is pretty well adjusted, however, kids her own age dont get her and she has a hard time relating to them. Shes spent so much time with adults, she can relate to older kids and adults easily.
Bottomline, its your choice and what you need for you and your husband. I will say that the way our society has changed it has caused a lot of people to only have 1 child. I have many friends who only have 1. With both parents working, if you have horses as a hobby, life getting faster and faster..... its hard with even one. Not to say it cant be done with more children, because it can. Dont let anyone guilt you into having more if you dont want to have anymore. I get a lot of grief from people for only having one. But i know what works for us and we are happy. Would we still be happy if we had another.. yes... i rarely hear people say they regret having a child, but nonetheless, it our choice to make. :) |
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 I hate cooking and cleaning
Posts: 3314
Location: Jersey Girl | I was an only child and so is my son. We are both well adjusted and normal LOL On a more serious note, you need to do what you feel is right for you and your family. Just because you have a sibling it doesn't mean you are going to have a close or good relationship with that person. I know plenty of people that never see or talk to their siblings. |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | I told myself that when I had my daughter, I don't want anymore kids. And at this point....I'm still thinking that on occasions LOL, only because my daughter is in her crabby 2 year old "I want this" temper stage. But I also want another baby down the road. |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | I have two boys, but when I had my first one I was thinking I didnt want any more, he was perfect always good didnt cause any problems was just a good little fella, but as time went on I got to thinking I do want another one, wish I didnt want so long but they are 9 years apart and love them both so much but I always thought I should had have that 3rd one. Oh well but at least I got my second boy and no way would I have it any other way. My mother was an only child and she always told me she was a lonely little girl growing up and she had a hard time making friends because she was so shy. |
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thoughts on only children.