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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
 
| Was told by a friend and my 15 yr old that my wife is filing for divorce in February, my daughter wanted to know if I had money put up for an attorney. Said she was worried about me. I just told her not to worry about me I would be just fine. It's going to be hard on her for sure. Any thoughts on what I should do to make this easier on her ? |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
  
Location: Kansas | all I can say is hugs  |
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 Do You Feel Lucky Punk?
Posts: 3156
Location: NM...the Land of Manana | The only advice I have is to keep it civil and don't talk bad about the wife in front of your daughter. Sorry you have to go through this. |
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 Namesless in BHW
Posts: 10368
Location: At the race track with Ah Dee Ohs | WOW! Not a way I would want to know my spouse is filing for divorce. Hugs to you and prayers. |
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 Hugs to You
Posts: 7551
Location: In The Land of Cotton | No matter what do not ever, ever say anything bad about her mother. You can think it, you can know the facts are true, but there is no reason to drag her into it. Just keep repeating to her -just like a parrot- if you have to - that you wish things were different. Different means many things. Let her draw her own conclusion. Don't add to it. She will figure it out on her own later in life. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| I am cival. I will never talk bad about her mother, I wouldn't want anyone talking bad about my mother, she said she wasn't going to live with her. Wants to live with me we rodeo together her mother never comes to her barrel races. And always complains about her horses. She is graduating early and going to college in 2 yrs |
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Veteran
Posts: 100
| I am divorced and happily remarried, I had a child involved in my divorce, she was 8 at the time. My advice to you is DO NOT involve your daughter in any of the legal or emotional aspect of this. This is between you and your soon to be ex wife. So many times a side will try and rally the child to side with them on issues and it's just not fair to the child. Protect yourself, don't believe 99% of what is told to you by the other person, their attorney is usually telling them to play nice for alterior motives. Get a great attorney, they are worth the money if you have assets to lose. Save ALL communication with the other party. Most important keep your hurt out of your decision making, this is now business making decision time and follow your attorney's instructions to the LETTER! Just my advice from my personal experience and several close friends experiences. Good luck and remember this too shall pass. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1162
Location: White Mountains of AZ | I have a friend who is going threw divorce, his kids are younger though. But don't drag her into it, keep it civil as best you can, it will all work out. She will understand in the future and appreciate you not trash talking or undermining her mom. Hugs and prayers to ya!! |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| This is exactly what I'm going to do. She is very mature for her age. She will see in her own time |
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  Sock eating dog owner
Posts: 4557
Location: Where the pavement ends and the West begins Utah | Your lawyer will put you under hypnosis making your life a burning he)(.be very cordial In giving. Let your wife have half of everything and move on or give your wife everything and move on.in the end you have nothing anyway on top of attorney fees time 3 . Neither party will have a thing to show for it except heart ache and loss of jobs that include several jobs and hopefully not having your vehicle repoed. They will also have you filing bankruptcy you and your wife. You have 30 days to make a choice. I would walk away and save yourself the insanity. Keep your composure for you and your daughter. Good luck to you. Neither one of you will win. That is how the courts handle it. |
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 Playing the Waiting Game
Posts: 2304
| After my divorce my boys would ask "Why do we have to go to dads?" My pat answer everytime was "Because he loves you and wants to spend time with you." I did sound like a parrot.. The boys came to realize that thier dad really wanted free slave labor but every other weekend and wednesday they went to thier dads, with me saying the same thing. Try to make it easy for the child... It won't be easy for you..
Edited by suzy2qtee 2015-01-02 9:44 AM
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| Yes there are a lot of assets invoked. Home and land 6yrs old and paid for. I don't want to loose everything, I was going to leave it for my daughte, but was told my wife wants to sell and split everything |
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 Thread Killer
Posts: 7545
| strawfly special - 2015-01-02 10:45 AM Yes there are a lot of assets invoked. Home and land 6yrs old and paid for. I don't want to loose everything, I was going to leave it for my daughte, but was told my wife wants to sell and split everything
So sorry, no doubt this is going to be hard on everyone.
Best to get a lawyer now and not make decisions based on speculation/hearsay. Not trying to discredit your daughter or friend, just telling you to play it safe.
Also, the fact that you want to help your daughter through the process speaks volumes-you need to keep that attitude. It's already been said enough by everyone else, but do not talk bad about her mom no matter how difficult she may be. Can't stress this enough!
Edited by Just Plain Lucky 2015-01-02 9:53 AM
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Tried and True
Posts: 21185
Location: Where I am happiest | Boy, what a way to find out! Are you seperated now? My advice, start researching for the very best divorce attorney now. Once you have obtained the very best to be had in your area at least you know she can not retain that attorney. If you are seperated now, through your attorney file for legal seperation so community property assets, and bank accounts and debts/credit card debts are protected and you wont be suprised by emptied bank accounts, second mortgages taken on your house, or $30,000 credit card debt. Any debt she enters into now untill your assets are legally protected you are liable for. Sorry your going through this. It's a tuff time. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| So to keep attorneys from taking everything . It would be better to just sell and split everything 50/50 ? |
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Thread Killer
Posts: 7545
| strawfly special - 2015-01-02 10:52 AM So to keep attorneys from taking everything . It would be better to just sell and split everything 50/50 ?
You will not be protected if you do that. Best to get a lawyer, and a good one. Might seem easy to just sell and split, but it could go very, very wrong and the fit could hit the shan BIG TIME. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| We are not seperated. So if I wait for her to file will they just kick me out of my home or what ? |
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 Googly Goo
Posts: 7053
| strawfly special - 2015-01-02 9:52 AM So to keep attorneys from taking everything . It would be better to just sell and split everything 50/50 ?
It doesn't work that way. You need to consult an attorney on the laws of your state. He can tell you your options and probable settlements. Any other move would be foolish. |
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Tried and True
Posts: 21185
Location: Where I am happiest | strawfly special - 2015-01-02 9:52 AM
So to keep attorneys from taking everything . It would be better to just sell and split everything 50/50 ?
My advice is go and consult with an attorney before you make any rash decisions. It also really depends on how amicable you both are and if the 2 of you an actually, rationally communicate. Which in reality, that almost never happens. But you do need to protect assets and debt incurred. Once your attorney is obtained, you and your wife CAN come to agreements if both are forthright and amicable so no large attorney fee's are incurred. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 448
Location: lone star state | I would have a civil conversation with your wife now! Approach her and confront her without telling her how you know. Maybe she had a bad day and mouthed off to your daughter something she didn't really mean just blew where she shouldn't have...I agree with the advice of not saying negative things to your daughter about her mother.Stay civil even if she doesn't. The hi road always takes you farther. Maybe she will agree to a good counselor who even if your marriage can't be saved can mediate your divorce and assets without having the court decide for you. Saving you both hard earned money in the long run. Prayers to you- no one wins in these situations but the lawyers. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| Thanks everyone, I'm not that worried about me. I just don't want my daughter to loose in this deal. Have to sell her horses, trailer, truck, I bought them for her do when she goes to college rodeo |
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 Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | cow pie - 2015-01-02 9:43 AM Your lawyer will put you under hypnosis making your life a burning he)(.be very cordial In giving. Let your wife have half of everything and move on or give your wife everything and move on.in the end you have nothing anyway on top of attorney fees time 3 . Neither party will have a thing to show for it except heart ache and loss of jobs that include several jobs and hopefully not having your vehicle repoed. They will also have you filing bankruptcy you and your wife. You have 30 days to make a choice. I would walk away and save yourself the insanity. Keep your composure for you and your daughter. Good luck to you. Neither one of you will win. That is how the courts handle it.
NOTE....DON'T listen to this person ^^^^^^ who must have had a terrible divorce and a stupid lawyer.
Hire an attorney NOW.........A divorce CAN be amiable but an attorney can protect you and your assets. I don't know what state you live in but most likely, IF you want to keep the property, you will be required to have it assessed and "buy her out". Your attitude about your daughter is commendable....keep her out of it and Good Luck!
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 If it Ain't a Paint it Ain't!
Posts: 8519
Location: Mansfield, Tx | strawfly special - 2015-01-02 9:45 AM
Yes there are a lot of assets invoked. Home and land 6yrs old and paid for. I don't want to loose everything, I was going to leave it for my daughte, but was told my wife wants to sell and split everything
I would go ahead an get a lawyer NOW... seriously.. you don't need to wait..
Do you know your wife wants a divorce? if so, be the first to give it to her... do let it be be decision...
to me... it will look better on your part... get a lawyer... have him start looking into what you can do to keep everything you want... do give her time to "come up with money" or whatever she waiting on in Feb. to do..
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If it Ain't a Paint it Ain't!
Posts: 8519
Location: Mansfield, Tx | NJJ - 2015-01-02 10:12 AM
cow pie - 2015-01-02 9:43 AM Your lawyer will put you under hypnosis making your life a burning he)(.be very cordial In giving. Let your wife have half of everything and move on or give your wife everything and move on.in the end you have nothing anyway on top of attorney fees time 3 . Neither party will have a thing to show for it except heart ache and loss of jobs that include several jobs and hopefully not having your vehicle repoed. They will also have you filing bankruptcy you and your wife. You have 30 days to make a choice. I would walk away and save yourself the insanity. Keep your composure for you and your daughter. Good luck to you. Neither one of you will win. That is how the courts handle it.
NOTE....DON'T listen to this person ^^^^^^ who must have had a terrible divorce and a stupid lawyer.
Hire an attorney NOW.........A divorce CAN be amiable but an attorney can protect you and your assets. I don't know what state you live in but most likely, IF you want to keep the property, you will be required to have it assessed and "buy her out". Your attitude about your daughter is commendable....keep her out of it and Good Luck!
Excatly...
HIRE ONE NOW !!!! to protect your stuff... don't wait for wife to file... |
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If it Ain't a Paint it Ain't!
Posts: 8519
Location: Mansfield, Tx | strawfly special - 2015-01-02 10:06 AM
Thanks everyone, I'm not that worried about me. I just don't want my daughter to loose in this deal. Have to sell her horses, trailer, truck, I bought them for her do when she goes to college rodeo
Then you need an attorney... and one now...
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Expert
Posts: 1561
| I diddnt read all the responses, file 1st and DO NOT move out of the house. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| I know she wants a divorce. Will it make me look like the bad guy if I file 1st. She told my daughter she's waiting until feb and then she would have the money to file, I've been trying to wait until my daughter graduates snd goes to college. I know our marriage is over been over for a while. Been trying to put it off for my 15 yr old. So she would have a home. |
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Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | Itsme - 2015-01-02 10:25 AM I diddnt read all the responses, file 1st and DO NOT move out of the house.
^^^^ THIS
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 448
Location: lone star state | If its for sure over ,You should seek a good attorney and file first. A good attorney can help you put your daughters horses and equipment into a protected fund for your daughter so she doesn't loose her future.
Edited by firewaterfuelsme 2015-01-02 10:39 AM
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 Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | You want the divorce, your wife wants the divorce, your daughter wants to live with you.......it's amicable. Why are you worried about looking like the bad guy? Go get an attorney and get it over with. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| I'm wondering what the judge will say. Me filling for divorce. When I know she wants a divorce. Everyone will look at me as the bad guy. Like oh he is divorcing her. I'm going next week and talk to an attorney about all our assets. I don't mind selling and splitting home. Then I can take care of my daughter as far as her horses and equipment |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | I think if your daughter understands all that is going on and you keep open lines of communication with her, then I wouldn't care if anyone else thought I was the bad guy. Be honest, straight forward and do what it takes to get this over with as quickly as possible. |
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 Take a Picture
Posts: 12841
| strawfly special - 2015-01-02 10:55 AM
I'm wondering what the judge will say. Me filling for divorce. When I know she wants a divorce. Everyone will look at me as the bad guy. Like oh he is divorcing her. I'm going next week and talk to an attorney about all our assets. I don't mind selling and splitting home. Then I can take care of my daughter as far as her horses and equipment
Who cares what others think. I have always chosen the road not taken and lived the life that pleases me. I am an extremely happy person and feel that life is too short to be miserable. Get a lawyer, file for divorce, move on. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| Thanks to everyone for all the good advice. It's just a lot to think about . |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 448
Location: lone star state | Judges don't care who files. Most judges have seen and heard the most awful terrible things that who filed for the divorce is not on their radar. I work with judges and I assure you filing for divorce doesn't make you the bad guy. |
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Thread Killer
Posts: 7545
| strawfly special - 2015-01-02 11:55 AM I'm wondering what the judge will say. Me filling for divorce. When I know she wants a divorce. Everyone will look at me as the bad guy. Like oh he is divorcing her. I'm going next week and talk to an attorney about all our assets. I don't mind selling and splitting home. Then I can take care of my daughter as far as her horses and equipment
If you conduct yourself in an honest, non-combative manner, you have nothing to worry about. Serving the papers first won't make you the "bad guy" (and who cares what people think anyway!) It makes you proactive in this situation and hopefully on top of what needs to be done.
Good luck. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| Say I do file 1st what happens then? |
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 BHW Resident Surgeon
Posts: 25352
Location: Bastrop, Texas | First and foremost, find a good attorney and lay everything out there for him/her. Take what others tell you with a grain of salt. If you live in a no fault state, that should simplify things. These things can drag on, sometimes for years. Don't fall into the trap I've seen others fall into and take pity on your ex and give everything up in the process. Most likely, you will have to split anything you acquired during your marriage roughly 50:50. Generally, what you brought into the marriage should remain yours. At some some point, once things cool off, you might want to sit down and try to have a reasonable discussion. You may find that you and she are pretty close on most matters. If you can negotiate a reasonable, mutually acceptable settlement between the two of you, then good for you! Still, I would retain a good lawyer, if for no other reason than to make sure you aren't missing something. If you are worried about a custody battle, and if your daughter clearly wants to live with you as the custodial parent, I wouldn't think you have much to worry about, especially if she is in her teens, because I think most courts tend to comply with the child's wishes, assuming you are a fit parent. If you are granted custody, I suppose child support might be a consideration, even if you are the custodial parent, particularly if your ex has a career/job/earning potential. Just because she is a woman shouldn't get her off the hook. I think more states are beginning to look at it this way.
More than anything else, I would say don't be discouraged and let yourself get too blue. It may feel like you will never get out of this funk, but, mark my word, one day you will wake up and realize you are ready to move on and start fresh. |
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 Proud to be Deplorable
Posts: 1929
| strawfly special - 2015-01-02 11:48 AM
Say I do file 1st what happens then?
She will have to get an attorney and answer you. that is when you will find out if she wants a fight or not. |
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 Toastest with the Mostest
Posts: 5712
Location: That part of Texas | strawfly special - 2015-01-02 10:55 AM I'm wondering what the judge will say. Me filling for divorce. When I know she wants a divorce. Everyone will look at me as the bad guy. Like oh he is divorcing her. I'm going next week and talk to an attorney about all our assets. I don't mind selling and splitting home. Then I can take care of my daughter as far as her horses and equipment
I've practiced family law for over 13 years now and this is what I can tell you. Nobody in that courtroom really cares who filed first and all the typical little things that envitably make up the many reasons why any normal couple seeks a divorce. You are one of many people who will file now and probably into March because you've (1) made it past the holiday season to have one last "family" get together before the big break and/or (2) your tax return is coming in and you finally have the money to file and hire someone. Barring some bad abuse, criminal acts or other atypical stuff -- you are just one of many people who have had enough and want to move on with their life and make it better for everybody involved. It's sad but reality and everybody involved in the process just really wants to help you achieve that goal.
What does the judge care about? Honestly the best divorces are the ones they hear the least about because it involves the parties pretty much working stuff out on their own and involving the court on a minimum basis. Judges love to see people work together to take care of their own business and issues.
Those are my favorite divorces too because I know those people will probably have the healthiest relationships down the road when their kids are growing up and they start having families of their own. Nasty divorces are painful for even the attorneys to deal with and honestly, we actually really hate having to deal with them because not even we win. I don't practice family law for just the money (it would never be enough) and a bad divorce even sucks away part of my own soul -- so much that now I don't take them anymore because you can't pay me enough to deal with all the drama that two people who want to "take each other to the cleaners" can cause. I made that decision when I wasted two hours of my own life trying to work with another attorney on getting two early 20-ish "kids" to agree on who would get the Christmas lights and waterhoses in their divorce. It was the only thing we couldn't agree on.
Right now you are in the most stressful part of the divorce because you are in no-man's land concerning on what's going to happen and distrust in the future between what your wife wants to do and what you want to have happen. When you don't know what the other side wants and why, it's not easy to deal with them and makes each side get up-in-arms over what might happen.
My best advice is to talk to an attorney and probably not the most expensive one out there or even the one who has the most posh law office on the corner. Find someone who really cares about their clients and helping you keep your relationships as civil as you can. Sometimes a fixed fee is better than hourly rate billing because the attorney knows they have to turn things around and get an agreement within so much work time. People laugh when I say that most divorce attorneys really work on getting people to agree and try not to rock the boat if it's not necessary. We are the ones working on a fixed fee and the more you fight, the more that eats into our bottom line and time spent on you in our office. We love it when we can get a couple to agree on the majority, if not all, of their issues.
Know what your options are and if your attorney agrees, it may be a good thing to just sit down with your wife and let her know what you want. I've seen "bad divorces" completely lose all of their steam with one conversation in which the parties actually talk instead of upping the fear factor on what they might do or could do to each other. You may have never been able to agree on things as husband and wife but start seeing and talking about each other as parents instead -- ones who can work things out because it's a whole new ballgame between you two.
You're welcome to PM me if you have any questions and think I might be able to help. Good luck.
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| Me and my daughter talked about custody yesterday on way to open arena. She said can I live with you. And I said how about living with both of us maybe every other week with me then her. She will be going to college soon. Will a judge agree to this if we do? Have joint custody and neither pay child support. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 448
Location: lone star state | Its called a "rule 11 agreement" judges will go with what is signed and agreed upon by both parties. You will need an attorney to help you with the paperwork to ensure it is done correctly. You also mentioned being worried about filing and looking bad, if she is agreeable she can sign a "waiver of service" which means she won't be served by a process server saving you $ and her embarrassment. She will go to the attorney office and basically pick up her papers.
Edited by firewaterfuelsme 2015-01-02 12:12 PM
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Sock eating dog owner
Posts: 4557
Location: Where the pavement ends and the West begins Utah | You can red line my comment. That's ok with me but read all comments.you haven't a lawyer yet. Your willing to get a lawyer and go to battle that's cool. The first sentence out of your lawyers mouth will be to sell everything and split 50-50. Both of you will disagree and one lawyer will recommend the the round robbin in which who ever bloodiest the other one first looses the house.you asked how to make it easy. I told you Walk away with dignity intact and a friendship with your wife and family. Whom you married to honor and cherish till death do you part.as a man you can start over easily without having to pay lawyer fees which will be more than a down payment on better property. But what do I know I've always been a nobody. Good luck get a lawyer. KyAGB. |
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Porta Potty Pants
Posts: 2600
| Red Raider - 2015-01-02 12:00 PM
strawfly special - 2015-01-02 10:55 AM I'm wondering what the judge will say. Me filling for divorce. When I know she wants a divorce. Everyone will look at me as the bad guy. Like oh he is divorcing her. I'm going next week and talk to an attorney about all our assets. I don't mind selling and splitting home. Then I can take care of my daughter as far as her horses and equipment
I've practiced family law for over 13 years now and this is what I can tell you. Nobody in that courtroom really cares who filed first and all the typical little things that envitably make up the many reasons why any normal couple seeks a divorce. You are one of many people who will file now and probably into March because you've (1) made it past the holiday season to have one last "family" get together before the big break and/or (2) your tax return is coming in and you finally have the money to file and hire someone. Barring some bad abuse, criminal acts or other atypical stuff -- you are just one of many people who have had enough and want to move on with their life and make it better for everybody involved. It's sad but reality and everybody involved in the process just really wants to help you achieve that goal.
What does the judge care about? Honestly the best divorces are the ones they hear the least about because it involves the parties pretty much working stuff out on their own and involving the court on a minimum basis. Judges love to see people work together to take care of their own business and issues.
Those are my favorite divorces too because I know those people will probably have the healthiest relationships down the road when their kids are growing up and they start having families of their own. Nasty divorces are painful for even the attorneys to deal with and honestly, we actually really hate having to deal with them because not even we win. I don't practice family law for just the money (it would never be enough) and a bad divorce even sucks away part of my own soul -- so much that now I don't take them anymore because you can't pay me enough to deal with all the drama that two people who want to "take each other to the cleaners" can cause. I made that decision when I wasted two hours of my own life trying to work with another attorney on getting two early 20-ish "kids" to agree on who would get the Christmas lights and waterhoses in their divorce. It was the only thing we couldn't agree on.
Right now you are in the most stressful part of the divorce because you are in no-man's land concerning on what's going to happen and distrust in the future between what your wife wants to do and what you want to have happen. When you don't know what the other side wants and why, it's not easy to deal with them and makes each side get up-in-arms over what might happen.
My best advice is to talk to an attorney and probably not the most expensive one out there or even the one who has the most posh law office on the corner. Find someone who really cares about their clients and helping you keep your relationships as civil as you can. Sometimes a fixed fee is better than hourly rate billing because the attorney knows they have to turn things around and get an agreement within so much work time. People laugh when I say that most divorce attorneys really work on getting people to agree and try not to rock the boat if it's not necessary. We are the ones working on a fixed fee and the more you fight, the more that eats into our bottom line and time spent on you in our office. We love it when we can get a couple to agree on the majority, if not all, of their issues.
Know what your options are and if your attorney agrees, it may be a good thing to just sit down with your wife and let her know what you want. I've seen "bad divorces" completely lose all of their steam with one conversation in which the parties actually talk instead of upping the fear factor on what they might do or could do to each other. You may have never been able to agree on things as husband and wife but start seeing and talking about each other as parents instead -- ones who can work things out because it's a whole new ballgame between you two.
You're welcome to PM me if you have any questions and think I might be able to help. Good luck.
What Red Raider said … and that is also why I don't practice family law anymore either … it can be heartbreaking to have a client insist on something you've advised them they are not going to get! Try try try to work things out and when you come to something you can't work out - ask yourself if you are fighting just to fight or if there is truly something there. I've seen people fight over Wal-Mart silverware! Seriously.
Edited by azsun 2015-01-02 12:44 PM
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| Cow Pie your telling me to just Walk Away and start over just cause I'm a man. I can start over with nothing easy, what about working my tail off to have something in life. I'm not going to argue and fight over little stuff. She can have all furniture and everything in the house. But house needs to be sold and money split. |
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Tried and True
Posts: 21185
Location: Where I am happiest | strawfly special - 2015-01-02 1:02 PM Cow Pie your telling me to just Walk Away and start over just cause I'm a man. I can start over with nothing easy, what about working my tail off to have something in life. I'm not going to argue and fight over little stuff. She can have all furniture and everything in the house. But house needs to be sold and money split.
Or if you want to keep the house and stay there, you can offer to "Buy her half out" . Get an appraisel done and take a loan out for 1/2 the value. Then she gets her "half" and you can keep your property and place for your daughter and her horses. |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | strawfly special - 2015-01-02 1:02 PM Cow Pie your telling me to just Walk Away and start over just cause I'm a man. I can start over with nothing easy, what about working my tail off to have something in life. I'm not going to argue and fight over little stuff. She can have all furniture and everything in the house. But house needs to be sold and money split.
I thought that Cow Pie was your wife for a second. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| I think it would be best to sell and move. That would be fair for everyone.
LRQHS that was funny I needed a laugh. Thanks |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | You're welcome :)
I would want to sell and move on too. I'd even go so far as to buy a piece of land and live in the LQ of a trailer if I had to for a bit. The rebuilding could be very good for your soul. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 915
Location: SE KS | ThreeCorners - 2015-01-02 1:06 PM
strawfly special - 2015-01-02 1:02 PM Cow Pie your telling me to just Walk Away and start over just cause I'm a man. I can start over with nothing easy, what about working my tail off to have something in life. I'm not going to argue and fight over little stuff. She can have all furniture and everything in the house. But house needs to be sold and money split.
Or if you want to keep the house and stay there, you can offer to "Buy her half out" . Get an appraisel done and take a loan out for 1/2 the value. Then she gets her "half" and you can keep your property and place for your daughter and her horses.
Consult an Attorney!!!!!!
What state you live in has a lot to do with the outcome!!!!
I would not want to have to start over with a new place, as it has taken this long to
get what I have (to enjoy) because if it takes me this long again, I will be too old to enjoy it!!!!! |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| I have built 3 houses this one is the 3rd that's why it's pd for kept putting equity back into the next one. I have thought about living in horse trailer and having a metal building/ barn built and building a house inside it. I got another laugh a minute ago my daughter sent me a text that said YOU DONT HAVE TO BE LONELY @ FARMERS ONLY. COM LOL |
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 Tough Patooty
Posts: 2615
Location: Sperry, OK | strawfly special - 2015-01-02 1:29 PM I have built 3 houses this one is the 3rd that's why it's pd for kept putting equity back into the next one. I have thought about living in horse trailer and having a metal building/ barn built and building a house inside it. I got another laugh a minute ago my daughter sent me a text that said YOU DONT HAVE TO BE LONELY @ FARMERS ONLY. COM LOL
 I like your daughter already! |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | strawfly special - 2015-01-02 1:29 PM I have built 3 houses this one is the 3rd that's why it's pd for kept putting equity back into the next one. I have thought about living in horse trailer and having a metal building/ barn built and building a house inside it. I got another laugh a minute ago my daughter sent me a text that said YOU DONT HAVE TO BE LONELY @ FARMERS ONLY. COM LOL
Well, I felt it was premature to mention, but when you're ready, we'd be happy to write up your profile and screen potential dates for you  |
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Expert
Posts: 1586
Location: west of East Texas | DO NOT trade 'stuff' for freedom and custody. Be fair to her but BE FAIR TO YOURSELF also. Call three lawyers today and set up initial meetings, then decide which one fits you best. File as quickly as you can, it starts the clock and sets the evaluation date for bank accounts that mysteriously disappear when divorce happens. Move 1/2 the money into a separate account now. Don't trust a future ex-wife that has told others she is getting a divorce, especially since she told your daughter. Get it over with a quick as you can. Dragging it on will hurt everyone, especially the daughter who will be put in the middle, whether she really is or she just feels that way.
My point of view here comes from being the same teenage daughter and the divorced one later on in life. I love both my parents but my dad let my mom steamroll him because he thought she would be fair. I also chose to live with my dad and it was TOUGH to keep what was left even with both of us working. My dad was like most men and just wanted what was easiest and didn't fight over the material things.
My adult POV comes from believing we were having an amicable divorce and custody agreement, the one we had been talking about for a year just waiting for him to find a place to move.......... right up until he got mad about something insignificant and then he went full combat on me, hired an additional lawyer (the nasty one here in this twon), and blindsided me. He cleaned the bank accounts out the day after he filed, got phony appraisals filed with the court, devalued 'his' assets, inflated 'my' assets, got a court order for me to move in 10 days and yet still pay all the household bills. (I earned 2x more than he.) The list goes on. I don't care how 'amicable' the divorce is, protect yourself enough to keep things equal.
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| LRQHS - 2015-01-02 1:07 PM
strawfly special - 2015-01-02 1:02 PM Cow Pie your telling me to just Walk Away and start over just cause I'm a man. I can start over with nothing easy, what about working my tail off to have something in life. I'm not going to argue and fight over little stuff. She can have all furniture and everything in the house. But house needs to be sold and money split.
I thought that Cow Pie was your wife for a second.
OMGawd you are funny |
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Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | LRQHS - 2015-01-02 1:32 PM strawfly special - 2015-01-02 1:29 PM I have built 3 houses this one is the 3rd that's why it's pd for kept putting equity back into the next one. I have thought about living in horse trailer and having a metal building/ barn built and building a house inside it. I got another laugh a minute ago my daughter sent me a text that said YOU DONT HAVE TO BE LONELY @ FARMERS ONLY. COM LOL Well, I felt it was premature to mention, but when you're ready, we'd be happy to write up your profile and screen potential dates for you
Oh...NOOOOOOO....Run, Strawfly......RUN ! ! ! ! |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| I REALLY, REALLY APRECIATE all the advice, it's not everyday you get steamrolled with this kind of news.
LRQHS let's wait a little while on the dating profile LOL |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | strawfly special - 2015-01-02 1:42 PM I REALLY, REALLY APRECIATE all the advice, it's not everyday you get steamrolled with this kind of news. LRQHS let's wait a little while on the dating profile LOL
Rats :( |
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Namesless in BHW
Posts: 10368
Location: At the race track with Ah Dee Ohs | ACEINTHEHOLE - 2015-01-02 1:31 PM strawfly special - 2015-01-02 1:29 PM I have built 3 houses this one is the 3rd that's why it's pd for kept putting equity back into the next one. I have thought about living in horse trailer and having a metal building/ barn built and building a house inside it. I got another laugh a minute ago my daughter sent me a text that said YOU DONT HAVE TO BE LONELY @ FARMERS ONLY. COM LOL I like your daughter already!
Me too!!!  |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| LRQHS when I do decide to date again you will be the 1st to know so you can screen dates for me LOL
I garuntee you they will love and ride horses as much as I do or it's a deal breaker. Lol |
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Tried and True
Posts: 21185
Location: Where I am happiest | You could pm Red Raider that posted on this thread beings though she is a good family law attorney and see if she knows a good divorce attorney in your town. |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | strawfly special - 2015-01-02 1:57 PM LRQHS when I do decide to date again you will be the 1st to know so you can screen dates for me LOL I garuntee you they will love and ride horses as much as I do or it's a deal breaker. Lol
Don't you worry, Strawfly. I got this covered :) Hang in there for now. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| Red raider sent you a pm |
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Tried and True
Posts: 21185
Location: Where I am happiest | strawfly special - 2015-01-02 1:57 PM LRQHS when I do decide to date again you will be the 1st to know so you can screen dates for me LOL I garuntee you they will love and ride horses as much as I do or it's a deal breaker. Lol Why not just ask LRQHS out? Ready made horsey date right there. lol
Came back to ad....when your ready of course. LOL
Edited by ThreeCorners 2015-01-02 2:03 PM
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| That would be long distance dating I live in miss and she lives in La, but I do have a few Cajun friends down in La. Lol |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | Ohhhh, LRQHS has her a good man right now. But, you come on down here and I'll take you club hopping to try to find you a respectable woman. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| Lol, I may do that in the spring, I was just informed I have a date tonight taking my daughter to see a scary movie called Woman in Black |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| OK let's get this over with. I have gotten several PM'S stating I need to save my marriage by all means nessecary. My marriage had been over a couple yrs when I caught her cheating. We agreed to stay together for our daughter. Until she graduates. So there is no saving what has been over for 2 yrs |
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Tried and True
Posts: 21185
Location: Where I am happiest | strawfly special - 2015-01-02 2:44 PM OK let's get this over with. I have gotten several PM'S stating I need to save my marriage by all means nessecary. My marriage had been over a couple yrs when I caught her cheating. We agreed to stay together for our daughter. Until she graduates. So there is no saving what has been over for 2 yrs
So sorry. There are just some things you cant fix or "Get over" and that is one of them. I thought I could when my ex cheated. I couldnt. It was always there and we were both miserable. My life now is SO much better and it makes going through all I did, worth it to get to where I am now. Life is to short to be miserable and some things just cant be fixed. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| Thanks Three Corners and everyone else for all the advice |
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 Forever Young
Posts: 6768
Location: relocated to Texas | strawfly special - 2015-01-03 8:52 AM So to keep attorneys from taking everything . It would be better to just sell and split everything 50/50 ? Is it possible to sit down with your wife and the two of you together decide on the division of your assets? Bottom line is you are both going to end up with so much. In a lot of states it's 50/50. If she wants to sell the house and you want to keep it, you can have it appraised and buy her out of her half. You don't need to pay attorneys to make these kind of decisions, if you can both agree to be reasonable. In my divorce, my ex husband and I hashed out our agreement before going to an attorney, then we went to an attorney to file the paper work. The divorce cost a total of $1500.00 and we had considerable assets. We both agreed we didn't want to lose those assets in attorney fees. If both parties can keep emotions and fighting out of it, you will both be better off financially. Good luck to you. Divorce is no fun even if the marriage has been dead for a couple of years. It will be better for your daughter if you can both be civil too. Hugs to you.
Edited by Hollywood's Fan 2015-01-02 3:36 PM
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Forever Young
Posts: 6768
Location: relocated to Texas | strawfly special - 2015-01-03 1:44 PM OK let's get this over with. I have gotten several PM'S stating I need to save my marriage by all means nessecary. My marriage had been over a couple yrs when I caught her cheating. We agreed to stay together for our daughter. Until she graduates. So there is no saving what has been over for 2 yrs
Some things can't be fixed. When a person cheats, a covenant is broken and even if the couple does not divorce, the betrayal is always there. Speaking from experience, even if you try to fix things, it never goes away.
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| We haven't been trying to fix it we have just been getting along for my daughter you know she could have told me instead of bringing her into it. I haven't asked my daughter any questions about it. I think it's better for her to be left out of the legal part of it |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | Serious question, Strawfly. Do you chew? |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| I dip at rodeos or ropings. But not on a date or at a movie or dinner LOL |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | strawfly special - 2015-01-02 3:47 PM I dip at rodeos or ropings. But not on a date or at a movie or dinner LOL
Interesting...... |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| Heck I've seen women that dip LOL |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| ARE YOU ALREADY BUILDING MY PROFILE ???? |
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Namesless in BHW
Posts: 10368
Location: At the race track with Ah Dee Ohs | ThreeCorners - 2015-01-02 2:00 PM strawfly special - 2015-01-02 1:57 PM LRQHS when I do decide to date again you will be the 1st to know so you can screen dates for me LOL I garuntee you they will love and ride horses as much as I do or it's a deal breaker. Lol Why not just ask LRQHS out? Ready made horsey date right there. lol
Came back to ad....when your ready of course. LOL
That was my thinking too!!! |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | strawfly special - 2015-01-02 3:51 PM ARE YOU ALREADY BUILDING MY PROFILE ????
Maybe...... |
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Namesless in BHW
Posts: 10368
Location: At the race track with Ah Dee Ohs | strawfly special - 2015-01-02 3:51 PM ARE YOU ALREADY BUILDING MY PROFILE ????
She probably is....beware Strawfly!!  |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | total performance - 2015-01-02 3:53 PM ThreeCorners - 2015-01-02 2:00 PM strawfly special - 2015-01-02 1:57 PM LRQHS when I do decide to date again you will be the 1st to know so you can screen dates for me LOL I garuntee you they will love and ride horses as much as I do or it's a deal breaker. Lol Why not just ask LRQHS out? Ready made horsey date right there. lol
Came back to ad....when your ready of course. LOL
I got me a man....plus, he couldn't handle me |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | How many fingers you got? |
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 That's White "Man" to You
Posts: 5515
| LRQHS - 2015-01-02 3:59 PM How many fingers you got?
money or fingers...get your priorities straight! |
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Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | Whiteboy - 2015-01-02 4:01 PM LRQHS - 2015-01-02 3:59 PM How many fingers you got? money or fingers...get your priorities straight!
Is it too much for a girl to want both??? smh.... |
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Namesless in BHW
Posts: 10368
Location: At the race track with Ah Dee Ohs | LRQHS - 2015-01-02 3:59 PM How many fingers you got?
I think you run him off!!  |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| All my fingers so far lol |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| All my fingers so far lol |
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 Expert
Posts: 4121
Location: SE Louisiana | strawfly special - 2015-01-02 4:18 PM
All my fingers so far lol
That doesn't tell us how many..  |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 937
| Hey I have a single mother who I'm trying to set up with a nice guy! What kind of age range are we talking about here?! |
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Tried and True
Posts: 21185
Location: Where I am happiest | You came to the right place Strawfly.  |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| 8 fingers and 2 thumbs lol |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| Yeah I guess I came to the right place!! Who needs farmers only when you can go to BHW Lol |
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That's White "Man" to You
Posts: 5515
| In all seriousness...maybe your wife gave you that heads up so that you have a chance to pull your head out before it is too late. Sometimes it takes a threat to motivate someone. I don't know or really care if it is you or her, but if this was me, I'd maybe do a little self evaluation to see if there is something I could do to save that marriage. But I still love my wife, which is not the case with everyone i'm sure. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| So whiteboy if your wife cheated on you 2 yrs ago and y'all haven't BEEN together as husband and wife for 2 yrs been waiting until your daughter graduates and goes to college before getting a divorce, you would be trying to stay ? Even though she says she wants a divorce |
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Cold hands and Warm Heart
Location: oklahoma | strawfly special - 2015-01-02 4:51 PM So whiteboy if your wife cheated on you 2 yrs ago and y'all haven't BEEN together as husband and wife for 2 yrs been waiting until your daughter graduates and goes to college before getting a divorce, you would be trying to stay ? Even though she says she wants a divorce
Have you talked to your wife at all about this since finding out? |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| No I have not but my daughter and a good friend of ours was told by her not to say anything. So if I confront her she will know they told me. I don't want to cause any problems for them |
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That's White "Man" to You
Posts: 5515
| strawfly special - 2015-01-02 4:51 PM So whiteboy if your wife cheated on you 2 yrs ago and y'all haven't BEEN together as husband and wife for 2 yrs been waiting until your daughter graduates and goes to college before getting a divorce, you would be trying to stay ? Even though she says she wants a divorce
To be honest I would have kicked her to the curb 2 years ago, if that was her attitude. I can understand why parents try to stay together for the sake of the children but in most cases it isn't doing anybody any favors. So the question is why wait for her to file? |
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 Veteran
Posts: 204
Location: Texas | I usually don't respond to these type of post but noticed in your initial post you requested suggestions for your daughter. A lot of the replies refer to what you should do with your marriage/divorce/wife. I haven't read all of the replies therefore this may have been mentioned. My advice is to not let your daughter see the emotional effect this has on you. Long story-short my husband moved in with his father when his parents got a divorce. My husband was 8 and was exposed to the emotional roller coaster his dad went through. Thus, making my husband lose a lot of respect for the female gender including his mother. I'm a firm believer in the saying how a man treats his mom is how he will treat his wife. It has taken my husband a long time to appreciate and respect women in general after what he witnessed what his mother "caused" his dad. Moral of the story, stay strong in front of your daughter. I know it will be easier said than done. Good luck and prayers! |
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Cold hands and Warm Heart
Location: oklahoma | strawfly special - 2015-01-02 5:05 PM No I have not but my daughter and a good friend of ours was told by her not to say anything. So if I confront her she will know they told me. I don't want to cause any problems for them
Why not by pass who told what to whom and ask her to sit down with you, that you'd been thinking about a new year, new you? Move on. Idk, I couldn't live like that, was married to a cheater and to me, it does no one any favors to prolong the inevitable. Good luck to you. I'd go talk to an attorney and like someone said a few pages ago, don't sell yourself short. Be fair to yourself as well and not settle just to get it over with and not deal. Great advice on the parenting too, I never said anything bad about my sons dad cuz I figured sooner or later he'd be old enough to draw his own conclusions. |
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Porta Potty Pants
Posts: 2600
| Please consult with a few attorneys as soon as possible. He/She can give you options based on your situation and circumstances, the state you live in, etc. Some states require a divorcing couple to attend a mandatory parenting class - you can't get divorced without it and if you refuse to attend, you don't get custody or visitation until you do - which requires a new set of court filings.
Take with you a listing of all your assets and liabilities, the source of those assets (acquired before or during marriage - if you live in a community property state), the value of those assets the amount of debt. In Arizona once a petition for dissolution is filed, the court also issues an injunction prohibiting the sale of assets, etc that is served on the other party. These are critical to protecting your assets, particularly if you have joint bank accounts and vehicles (depending on how they are titled).
Your dating profile should be completed and several dates line up by the time you get that taken care of. |
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 Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | be amicable but dont let her have everything.. dont move out, let her file, and see if she is willing to let you buy her half out .. usually the judge will allow joint custody.. half half.. so no child support but wife can say you provide childs insurance , drs, life insurance on yourself to daughter, and dental etc.. sometimes it works out if wife isnt nasty.. i think men get the raw end of deal in these situations "Usually" but seems lately judges have been more fair.. if you have a great attorney and remain calm ..try to work together with a mediator first.. |
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 Shoot Yeah
Posts: 4273
Location: Where you need a paddle... Oregon! | I haven't read all the responses. This is when I wish I had a computer and not just my phone to read and type on. I'm going thru a divorce right now. My husband wanted to handle our divorce ourselves, and because I had a lot of guilt being the person who wants out of the marriage, I initially thought that would be fine. But then he got a girlfriend and his barely tolerable controlling personality became intolerable. He has exposed our 12 year old son to her, her family, overnight visits, etc. without talking to me beforehand. When I found out and asked he just accused me of being controlling. Even after our kids told me they weren't ready to be around her. I've received harassing texts from her and his mother. He plans that I will sign papers and just leave. Based on that, and that he has completely disrespected me as the mother to our children, I hired an attorney. I had to sell jewelry and get cash from my parents, but it's the only way I can protect myself. I say, get an attorney and let them handle it for you. Whatever you decide, I've learned it's a very personal situation and everyone's walk us different. Surround yourself with people who support your journey. Good luck. |
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Sock eating dog owner
Posts: 4557
Location: Where the pavement ends and the West begins Utah | Talk to her about it. I agree with you . It would be a win win if you could sell the house and split the difference. If both of you can agree before getting a lawyer you can part as experienced friends. It gets tough and hard once the court becomes involved they'll tell you I can get it all for you I never lost a case with so and so. I just saying save the heart ache and your wallet. There are no winners. Yes mine was ugly which is why I refuse to marry again. Believe it or not once you spend the next 5 years trying to settle everything. $20,000 in your pocket is a whole lot cheaper and less frustrating. |
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Veteran
Posts: 165
| strawfly special - 2015-01-02 10:06 AM
Thanks everyone, I'm not that worried about me. I just don't want my daughter to loose in this deal. Have to sell her horses, trailer, truck, I bought them for her do when she goes to college rodeo
Not sure what a judge would say about the truck and trailer etc. considering that she doesn't go to college for another 2 years, but her horses, saddles, equipment... are her belongings and shouldn't be included in your assets as a couple. |
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Tried and True
Posts: 21185
Location: Where I am happiest | Glittergirl - 2015-01-03 12:39 AM strawfly special - 2015-01-02 10:06 AM Thanks everyone, I'm not that worried about me. I just don't want my daughter to loose in this deal. Have to sell her horses, trailer, truck, I bought them for her do when she goes to college rodeo Not sure what a judge would say about the truck and trailer etc. considering that she doesn't go to college for another 2 years, but her horses, saddles, equipment... are her belongings and shouldn't be included in your assets as a couple.
Dont be to sure about that. It would depend on who's name is on those titles, papers, and where the money came from and how nasty/petty the ex is. When I went through my divorce my ex tried to attach the kids horses as community property. He even went so far as to try to attach the saddles my daughter had won as community property "Because of the money spent winning those saddles.". Thank God I got a good attorney right off the bat to protect my kids interests.The saving grace on those horses is my parents bought my sons rope horse for him, and my daughters horse was paid for out of her own personal account we had set up for her when she was 1. You would be amazed what some do. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| Thanks everyone for all the advice. I'm going to have time today to look back and read again while not at work. |
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| 1. Get an attorney even if you don't file right away. Get advice on protecting what you are entitled to in case she decides to clean you out or run up credit cards just before she files. 2. Most people assume the first to file is the injured party. Less stigma attached. 3. No matter how agreeable she seems that can change in a heartbeat. After a bit people seem to get angry and go for blood. 4. If you can mend this then do so. If not then move on and get on with your life. Good luck to you and your daughter.
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 927
Location: Iowa | keep your guard up and talk to an atty. Think about what you really want and what isn't worth fighting about and letting the lawyers eat up more money. There will be some dark days but there is light at the end of the tunnel. I believe in karma. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 920
| I know some people with horses going through a divorce sell them to a trusting amily member or friend and then buy back when it's over. Cheaply...like for nothing |
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Googly Goo
Posts: 7053
| shubug007 - 2015-01-04 4:33 PM I know some people with horses going through a divorce sell them to a trusting amily member or friend and then buy back when it's over. Cheaply...like for nothing
I know people that tried to hide or misrepresent assets in court and got slammed when it was discovered. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 596
| The horses are in my daughters name at AQHA so I think horses will be ok. She has a new truck in her name she pays for and a camper in her name. So I can let her have her truck and camper and I will keep my truck and LQ for my daughter, then sell house and split money. |
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Namesless in BHW
Posts: 10368
Location: At the race track with Ah Dee Ohs | strawfly special - 2015-01-04 5:39 PM The horses are in my daughters name at AQHA so I think horses will be ok. She has a new truck in her name she pays for and a camper in her name. So I can let her have her truck and camper and I will keep my truck and LQ for my daughter, then sell house and split money.
Sounds like your on the right track. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 927
Location: Iowa | she could make you keep paying for the house if she has physical care custody of the girls. Prayers be with you. |
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 Reaching for the stars....
Posts: 12708
| One very small trinket of info - a horse is both an asset and liability. I can't remember if it's one or two years that the liability amount (i.e., expenses to care for each horses) is deducted from the value of each horse. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? |
Just remember...like it or not...Your wife has shown you in the past that she CANNOT be trusted. So when she tells you anything about how "fair" she wants this to be etc...smile and nod...but get that attorney. Her idea of "Fair" may be to take everything and let you start over with nothing. For the sake of the daughter...protect yourself and her future by getting someone skilled on your side.
The very fact that she is telling your daughter of her plans...and then asking HER to keep it secret. That's despicable. It's emotional blackmail. |
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Wants and is filing for Divorce