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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 684
  
Location: Oklahoma | I have a CRAZY story, and this is only the half of it…About a year and a half ago, after getting divorced, I was looking for a house to rent. One of my co-workers, who I had worked with on occasion, but didn't know very well, had asked if I wanted to find a place together, as she was looking to move closer to town. We ended up moving in together, and for about six months, everything seemed great. She was very quiet and kept to herself, paid her part of the bills on time, no worries, and we became decent friends. After about six months, drama started to unfold. Stories of her father molesting her as a child and adult, her ex-husband (from another state) driving to Oklahoma to rape her, family that she used to live with showing up and beating her/hitting her with their car, struggling with an uncontrollable seizure disorder, multiple suicide threats, ect. I felt horrible for her, and myself and a couple of other friends went way out of our way to help her, and be there to support her. We took her to file police reports, sat on the porch with the shot gun, because she was receiving threats and being stalked by these family members. She told us her parents were both being taken to jail (in California), over rape charges that the DA was forcing her to testify for. Then when this supposed court date got closer, one parent took a plea deal (and later died in prison), and the other committed suicide in jail. We were there for her, supported her, and so on. There are four of us that she'd been confiding in. I found myself questioning a few things, with the legal process that was supposedly taking place didn't sound right, and when I realized that every time someone supposedly hurt her or showed up, it was when I was away for training, or at work on duty. When she called me in another fake suicide attempt, at three in the morning when I was away at Camp Gruber, it was my last straw. Finally we all got together and started talking amongst ourselves about everything, and stories just didn't add up.
We started digging, and the more we dug, the more upset we became. We searched for death records of her parents. We contacted California DOC for records of her parents incarceration. We checked with the police departments and county's that charges were supposed to have been in. Nothing. They didn't exist. More digging led to us getting in contact with her sister, and then with her father and mother, who are very much alive. We found out from her family, that this has been a re-accruing theme in several states that she has bounced from. In each situation, when she was found out, she left the state, moving in with family somewhere else, and starting all over again. We found out that it started when she was in high school, claiming her father had molested her, but that DFS and police had come to the conclusion she was seeking attention, and no charges were ever brought. We also found out from her family, that when she was taken to the hospital for 'seizures', that doctors determined that there was nothing medically wrong with her, she was not having seizures, and suggested it was an attention issue.
Needless to say, she has constantly lied to us, and at this point, I don't think any of us even know the real her. We have all wasted countless hours trying to help her, and trying to get her help. Even getting her into counseling! I already told her yesterday that she needed to move out, because she hasn't been able to cover her part of the bills lately. We also, addressed it with our superiors at work (on a hush hush basis), as when we stopped listening to her bs, she started telling them (I guess because she wasn't getting the attention from us). Normally, I wouldn't bring something like this to the workplace, but we really don't believe she's stable, and after confronting her, there's no telling what she will do. Needless to say, we thought it important to pass that information on so she would be regulated to in-house work, and not out in the public with a loaded sidearm! Tonight we plan on confronting her on the lies. Is there a good way to approach someone who is this in depth into living their lies? I'm just blown away, and incredibly hurt by it all. I want answers, but don't want her to go crazy and burn the house down either. Have any of you ever dealt with this kind of situation? Is there really a good way to go about it? | |
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 Horsey Gene Carrier
Posts: 1888
Location: LaBelle, Florida | Reguardless of how much you helped her, she won't take it. She is a LIAR and probably beleives her own lies at this point.
Do what you need to do to protect yourself and get as much distance from her as possible. If you can, cut her from your life and move on.
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 Ima Fickle Fan
Posts: 3547
Location: Texas | I had a liar for a roommate in college. Nowhere near to the extent you are dealing with.
The reality is you won't get answers you are wanting. All you will get is more lies. The best thing to do is get yourself out of the situation and away from this person. You can ask all you want, but you won't get the truth you are seeking. You've asked her to move out. I'd make sure she does. Calling her out on her lies could create more problems... Or she could disappear. I have no great advice other than to remove yourself from the situation. | |
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| It sounds like she is a psychopath.
I honestly wouldn't confront her, it is like backing a frightened animal into a corner, her reaction is not going to be good.
I can see her attempting suicide ending up in the hospital, and you are going to feel like you caused it, she will make you feel that way via text, phone, before she actually tries.
I honestly would go to the police and have her removed from the property as you fear for your safety, soon she will be accusing you of doing horrible things. I would file a restraining order
I would also block her number, change the locks, and ship all of her belongings to work or somewhere else so she has no excuse to renter the house. | |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 448
Location: lone star state | There are 3 types of people when it comes to drama, 1. those who avoid drama 2. those who invite drama and 3. Those who ARE the drama!
Your roommate is the drama and will burn bridges everwhere she goes carrying her drama with her. Cut your ties ASAP. She will likely cause more drama on her way out but stand your ground and sever all ties. She will move on quickly once she isn't getting attention from you! | |
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  Angel in a Sorrel Coat
Posts: 16030
Location: In a happy place | cheryl makofka - 2015-01-11 10:32 AM It sounds like she is a psychopath. I honestly wouldn't confront her, it is like backing a frightened animal into a corner, her reaction is not going to be good. I can see her attempting suicide ending up in the hospital, and you are going to feel like you caused it, she will make you feel that way via text, phone, before she actually tries. I honestly would go to the police and have her removed from the property as you fear for your safety, soon she will be accusing you of doing horrible things. I would file a restraining order I would also block her number, change the locks, and ship all of her belongings to work or somewhere else so she has no excuse to renter the house.
Great advice.
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| cheryl makofka - 2015-01-11 10:32 AM
It sounds like she is a psychopath.
I honestly wouldn't confront her, it is like backing a frightened animal into a corner, her reaction is not going to be good.
I can see her attempting suicide ending up in the hospital, and you are going to feel like you caused it, she will make you feel that way via text, phone, before she actually tries.
I honestly would go to the police and have her removed from the property as you fear for your safety, soon she will be accusing you of doing horrible things. I would file a restraining order
I would also block her number, change the locks, and ship all of her belongings to work or somewhere else so she has no excuse to renter the house.
Cheryl gave you great advice. It does no good to confront someone like her. I have dealt with some one like her and confronting her just isn't going to work. It may make you feel good but in the end you won't because it will just escalate her craziness and validate her fantasy of her against the world. | |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 533
Location: Mississippi | She sounds like she is mentally ill. You have just described a family member of mine. She was finally committed to the psych ward & diagnosed with schitzofrenia (sp?). | |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 448
Location: lone star state | If you are renting I would find a new place to stay TODAY! Even if it is temporily until she willingly leaves the current property. At this time she has not broken the law and has just as much right to be at your home as you do (its her home too). Get your property calmly and quietly and leave. Law enforcment cannot make her leave her home without a court order. | |
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 Born not Made
Posts: 2931
Location: North Dakota | I agree that she sounds mentally ill. It could be that she truly believes all these things have happened to her and she means you no harm, or it could be that she is manipulative and dangerous.
Either way, I would not confront her and get yourself out of the situation, but I would alert the police that she may need to be admitted because she may be a danger to herself or others. | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 684
Location: Oklahoma | cheryl makofka - 2015-01-11 10:32 AM
It sounds like she is a psychopath.
I honestly wouldn't confront her, it is like backing a frightened animal into a corner, her reaction is not going to be good.
I can see her attempting suicide ending up in the hospital, and you are going to feel like you caused it, she will make you feel that way via text, phone, before she actually tries.
I honestly would go to the police and have her removed from the property as you fear for your safety, soon she will be accusing you of doing horrible things. I would file a restraining order
I would also block her number, change the locks, and ship all of her belongings to work or somewhere else so she has no excuse to renter the house.
We've already notified the higher ups of what is going on with her. The scariest part is we work in law enforcement. That was the first thing I did as we did not want her on duty with a weapon. I honestly don't plan to confront her, I told her yesterday that she needed to move and it was not up for discussion. I gave my reasoning because she hasn't been paying bills. Unfortunitly, weather I do or not, the other friends who were duped into all of this plan to confront her tonight no matter what. If I've gotta deposit her crap at the end of the drive I will. I do not do drama, and I can't believe I let myself be duped, and put myself out there for her. | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 684
Location: Oklahoma | firewaterfuelsme - 2015-01-11 12:19 PM If you are renting I would find a new place to stay TODAY! Even if it is temporily until she willingly leaves the current property. At this time she has not broken the law and has just as much right to be at your home as you do (its her home too). Get your property calmly and quietly and leave. Law enforcment cannot make her leave her home without a court order.
Well I can't really go anywhere, I've got all of my things, horses, ect here. HOWEVER, I was smart in the fact that while I do rent, she is NOT on the lease, so her butt is out the door. From what I've gathered speaking to her family, the other two times shes been confronted about all the stories and lieing, shes up and left the state. I'm hoping that will be the route she takes.
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 684
Location: Oklahoma | The thing that is so baffling to me about this entire ordeal, is how GOOD she's been at lying. I agree that she definitely needs some help medically, I'm no physiatrist but I agree that she's probably got some kind of mental disorder. If you met this woman, you wouldn't think anything of her. She seems perfectly normal, if not a little reserved and quiet. She honestly is a good officer, and dedicated to her job. Seems perfectly legit. But its like she has to have all this attention, with someone feeling sorry for her. It started with just a couple of people, and when we stopped running to her over suicide threats, she reached out to other people instead. It really just blows my mind. | |
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 Don't Wanna Make This Awkward
Posts: 3106
Location: Texas | osu_barrelracer - 2015-01-11 12:52 PM
cheryl makofka - 2015-01-11 10:32 AM
It sounds like she is a psychopath.
I honestly wouldn't confront her, it is like backing a frightened animal into a corner, her reaction is not going to be good.
I can see her attempting suicide ending up in the hospital, and you are going to feel like you caused it, she will make you feel that way via text, phone, before she actually tries.
I honestly would go to the police and have her removed from the property as you fear for your safety, soon she will be accusing you of doing horrible things. I would file a restraining order
I would also block her number, change the locks, and ship all of her belongings to work or somewhere else so she has no excuse to renter the house.
We've already notified the higher ups of what is going on with her. The scariest part is we work in law enforcement. That was the first thing I did as we did not want her on duty with a weapon. I honestly don't plan to confront her, I told her yesterday that she needed to move and it was not up for discussion. I gave my reasoning because she hasn't been paying bills. Unfortunitly, weather I do or not, the other friends who were duped into all of this plan to confront her tonight no matter what. If I've gotta deposit her crap at the end of the drive I will. I do not do drama, and I can't believe I let myself be duped, and put myself out there for her.
If your friends are going to confront her it needs to be outside of your home. | |
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Tried and True
Posts: 21185
Location: Where I am happiest | She is mentally ill. I would quietly and diplomatically rectify the situation and get her out. Get her to move without creating an enemy. You ( or your animals) could very well be her next target . I would also talk to your friends, and get them to please stay quiet, but vigelant and not rock her boat. I would also send your letter to Dr. Phill. lol. Maybe he can help her and get her committed. lol | |
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 Take a Picture
Posts: 12838
| osu_barrelracer - 2015-01-11 1:00 PM
The thing that is so baffling to me about this entire ordeal, is how GOOD she's been at lying. I agree that she definitely needs some help medically, I'm no physiatrist but I agree that she's probably got some kind of mental disorder. If you met this woman, you wouldn't think anything of her. She seems perfectly normal, if not a little reserved and quiet. She honestly is a good officer, and dedicated to her job. Seems perfectly legit. But its like she has to have all this attention, with someone feeling sorry for her. It started with just a couple of people, and when we stopped running to her over suicide threats, she reached out to other people instead. It really just blows my mind.
People who are pathological liars are good. My brother is and my whole family will believe him over anyone else in the family. I try not to communicate with the jerk. | |
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 BHW's Lance Armstrong 
Posts: 11134
Location: Somewhere between S@%&# stirrer and Saint | First of all it is very difficult to deal with a liar. They are professionals! They have spent many years perfecting their craft. I dated a woman for 6 months and back in the beginning she told me I am 50 years old and I give relationships 6 months. I thought things were going pretty well but I didn't give the statement a second thought. We never discussed marriage but everything to me seemed good.Well she started dating another guy at the same time and she finally told me she was on a date in a text.Cutting through stuff she filed a stalking charge against me to distance me so her new boyfriend wouldn't find out about our relationship. Now I the criminal charges have been dropped against me with more than $10,000 spent defending me. The civil defense was waiting until the criminal was complete so the civil is just starting.I met with the city attorney in the beginning and asked her after I clear my name are you going to prosecute her as agressively? She said if she lied we will.Last week I turned in most of all my physical evidence to the police chief and met with the same prosecuting attorney that was going against me.This woman D. E. Peters lied like a SOB on the witness stand. She made up so many lies that even the Judge said the "Court was confused". This woman with her lies has tried to put me in jail, ruin my name and reputation. I am on the Federal Watch list. I have problems entering my own country and the stalking charge comes up on every traffic stop.I am waiting now for the police to do their investigation into her perjury while under oath and false police reports. I am waiting for Felony charges to be filed against her.Waiting to defend yourself against a liar is very difficult. For one thing people love gossip so that is very damaging. Emotionally it is amazing how it drags you down to the bottom. These last 6 months have been devastating to me all because a woman wants to cover her lies at my expense.All I can say to the OT just hang in there because the truth will surface. It may take a while but it will surface.
Edited by Douglas J Gordon 2015-01-11 3:57 PM
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 Expert
Posts: 1718
Location: Southeast Louisiana | WOW! I'm shaking my head reading this!
Best advice was above... Move out now. It will be expensive and a lot of trouble, but so worth it in the long run.
Your department should investigate her background a little further. If she has lied on her employment application, that alone could be grounds for dismissal. I'm sure she didn't put everything in there since she has a history of doing this.
Good luck. Be safe... even at home! | |
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 Chasin my Dream
Posts: 13651
Location: Alberta | streakysox - 2015-01-11 2:02 PM osu_barrelracer - 2015-01-11 1:00 PM The thing that is so baffling to me about this entire ordeal, is how GOOD she's been at lying. I agree that she definitely needs some help medically, I'm no physiatrist but I agree that she's probably got some kind of mental disorder. If you met this woman, you wouldn't think anything of her. She seems perfectly normal, if not a little reserved and quiet. She honestly is a good officer, and dedicated to her job. Seems perfectly legit. But its like she has to have all this attention, with someone feeling sorry for her. It started with just a couple of people, and when we stopped running to her over suicide threats, she reached out to other people instead. It really just blows my mind. People who are pathological liars are good. My brother is and my whole family will believe him over anyone else in the family. I try not to communicate with the jerk.
To continue on streakysox, they literally are in their own world and don't see outside and how their actions affect other people....my brother in law is one and heaven forbid you confront him, he'll
come unclued cause he's never in the wrong and we should all feel sorry for him and he has a major sense of entitlement ....be careful!
Edited by dream_chaser 2015-01-11 7:28 PM
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | Probably the most disturbing part of all of this is that the delusional liar is in law enforcement and carries a gun. Seriously...she needs a psych evaluation and removal from any job that involves sharp objects...definitely doesn't need a gun.
If there are DOCUMENTED/provable suicide attempts. (even if she was faking it...if she went to the hospital or paramedics responded etc) There SHOULD be grounds for removing her from any law enforcement role.
Whatever you do...try to have witnesses (maybe other LEO) to be there as you are getting her to move out. She could completely ruin your life with lies and claims of things you never did. Above all protect yourself physically and don't be alone with her. | |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9991
Location: Kansas | how did she even pass a polygraph??? | |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| hoofs_in_motion - 2015-01-12 8:20 AM
how did she even pass a polygraph???
Because they really believe what they are saying at that time. A friend told my mom she had cancer, mom called her mom to offer support and anything else she could do to help. Guess what? She didn't have cancer, her mom didn't even know about it. That pretty much clued her mom in on the lies finally. She is much better about lies now, but I always take what she says with a grain of salt, so to speak. | |
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 Serious Snap Trapper
Posts: 4275
Location: In The Snow, AZ | dream_chaser - 2015-01-11 5:26 PM streakysox - 2015-01-11 2:02 PM osu_barrelracer - 2015-01-11 1:00 PM The thing that is so baffling to me about this entire ordeal, is how GOOD she's been at lying. I agree that she definitely needs some help medically, I'm no physiatrist but I agree that she's probably got some kind of mental disorder. If you met this woman, you wouldn't think anything of her. She seems perfectly normal, if not a little reserved and quiet. She honestly is a good officer, and dedicated to her job. Seems perfectly legit. But its like she has to have all this attention, with someone feeling sorry for her. It started with just a couple of people, and when we stopped running to her over suicide threats, she reached out to other people instead. It really just blows my mind. People who are pathological liars are good. My brother is and my whole family will believe him over anyone else in the family. I try not to communicate with the jerk.
come unclued cause he's never in the wrong and we should all feel sorry for him and he has a major sense of entitlement ....be careful!
My BIL is the same way. It's lie upon lie upon lie. It's a different lie about the same story to each person. Most of the time he can keep up with them. But If asked about why the story changed, there becomes a whole new web of lies to get out of the original.
Luckily, his lies are not that in depth. He will literally lie about what he ate for dinner. Or how the weather is. Just stupid, irrelevent things turn into lies. The unfortunate thing is, he could be a good person. He has an upbeat personality. Everyones likes being around him.....But you go into each conversation knowing that none of it's true. And that's sad.
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 Fact Checker
Posts: 16572
Location: Displaced Iowegian | TrailGirl - 2015-01-12 8:15 AM Probably the most disturbing part of all of this is that the delusional liar is in law enforcement and carries a gun. Seriously...she needs a psych evaluation and removal from any job that involves sharp objects...definitely doesn't need a gun. If there are DOCUMENTED/provable suicide attempts. (even if she was faking it...if she went to the hospital or paramedics responded etc) There SHOULD be grounds for removing her from any law enforcement role. Whatever you do...try to have witnesses (maybe other LEO) to be there as you are getting her to move out. She could completely ruin your life with lies and claims of things you never did. Above all protect yourself physically and don't be alone with her.
^^^^^ THIS......If there is documented proof of suicide attempts and she is still in law enforcement, I would be contacting the State Attorney General's Office and somebody's head would roll....... | |
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 A very grounded girl
Posts: 5052
Location: Moving soon..... | I have a family member that lies so much that she and her husband forget what they told you last. I have washed my hands of them. Just move on and stay away from her. Your time is precious and you don't need to waste it on her. Good luck. | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 684
Location: Oklahoma | NJJ - 2015-01-12 11:13 AM TrailGirl - 2015-01-12 8:15 AM Probably the most disturbing part of all of this is that the delusional liar is in law enforcement and carries a gun. Seriously...she needs a psych evaluation and removal from any job that involves sharp objects...definitely doesn't need a gun. If there are DOCUMENTED/provable suicide attempts. (even if she was faking it...if she went to the hospital or paramedics responded etc) There SHOULD be grounds for removing her from any law enforcement role. Whatever you do...try to have witnesses (maybe other LEO) to be there as you are getting her to move out. She could completely ruin your life with lies and claims of things you never did. Above all protect yourself physically and don't be alone with her. ^^^^^ THIS......If there is documented proof of suicide attempts and she is still in law enforcement, I would be contacting the State Attorney General's Office and somebody's head would roll.......
That is the bigest reason we went up the ladder with it, and made sure they were aware. They pulled her firearms certification right then and there. Why they didn't do it earlier (they were aware to an extent on the suicide threats), I'd choc up to pure officer shortage and politics. | |
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Expert
Posts: 1718
Location: Southeast Louisiana | Good to hear from you today, lol.
Let us know how this turns out, and copyright the story for the book and movie deal. This sounds like one of those movies like "Hand that rocks the cradle" or "Misery" or something... | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 684
Location: Oklahoma | Figured I'd give yall an update. I decided I did not want to address anything with her, other than kicking her butt to the curb, however, two of my co-workers were very adamant about addressing her. They came over last night, however she refused to talk to them. She barricaded herself into the room, sitting in front of the door and holding the door knob. They were very kind in their approach, but she refused to talk to them. At this point, I don't want to have anything to do with her, so I could care less; however, they were worried because they thought she might try and kill herself, and knew she had a lot of prescription pain pills. So I called a friend at county who was working and he came out and made her open the door long enough for her little dogs to run out and her to say she was fine. Because she wouldn't actaully say she was going to hurt herself, we couldn't exactly haul her off to be commited. After he rolled out, she still refused to open her door, however, one of my co-workers all but took it off the hinges and forced her to listen to what they had to say. She either refused to answer, or denied everything they say. They pleaded with her to get help, and went home. The only thing that I told her was that, no negotiating, she had to be out tomorrow (today). I informed her that myself, or another friend from PD would be at the house all day to make sure she got her things, and only her things out; and that if she didn't remove herself, to expect a can of Top Cop under her door.
She came into work this morning and filled out some leave paperwork, and from what she told the Lt, it doesn't sound like she will be back. She left me a message this morning saying she would be gone today, but asking that I take care of her dogs until she can move them. I spoke to her sister this morning who said she was asking family for money so she could go live with them.
As much as I wish she would get help, it sounds like she's just going to run to whoever will take her, and start all over again. It really is sad.
Edited by osu_barrelracer 2015-01-12 2:00 PM
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | Who gives this person prescription pain pills? Why the heck does she have them? I'm guessing she lied to the doctor to get them...but if not and they aren't actually hers...geez.
And now I'm sad she has furry little lives depending on her. I hope they don't come out the losers in all of this nonsense. | |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 684
Location: Oklahoma | TrailGirl - 2015-01-12 2:13 PM Who gives this person prescription pain pills? Why the heck does she have them? I'm guessing she lied to the doctor to get them...but if not and they aren't actually hers...geez. And now I'm sad she has furry little lives depending on her. I hope they don't come out the losers in all of this nonsense.
She had surgery on her neck last year...and for whatever stupid reason they are still prescribing them to her! She had a huge bottle of hydrocodine last week when I went to let her dogs out. | |
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 Forever Young
Posts: 6768
Location: relocated to Texas | cheryl makofka - 2015-01-12 9:32 AM It sounds like she is a psychopath. I honestly wouldn't confront her, it is like backing a frightened animal into a corner, her reaction is not going to be good. I can see her attempting suicide ending up in the hospital, and you are going to feel like you caused it, she will make you feel that way via text, phone, before she actually tries. I honestly would go to the police and have her removed from the property as you fear for your safety, soon she will be accusing you of doing horrible things. I would file a restraining order I would also block her number, change the locks, and ship all of her belongings to work or somewhere else so she has no excuse to renter the house.
This advice sounds good, but is totally not how the real world works. You can't kick her out of the house because she is a liar, you can't get a restraining order because she is a liar. She makes up outlandish stories to get attention, but it doesn't sound like she has threatened you in any way. Your idea to confront her sounds good on the surface too...but what do you think she is going to say? Do you think she is suddenly going to come through with the truth? It may make you feel good to let her know that you have her number, but that is not the smartest course of action. The best thing you can do is to put distance between you and she as soon as you can. YOU move out if you have to. I guarantee if you confront a person like this, she is going to turn her tactics on you and she will be telling lies about you to anyone who will listen. She is good at it too, remember, she fooled you for quite a while. Her family has already shared with you that this is a lifestyle for her. Unfortunately, I have dealt with this personality and learned from the experience that the best thing you can do is cut ties as quickly as possible. Don't be her next target. She doesn't sound like she would physically harm you, IMO (unless her family told you she has a history of violence, then I would be worried.). It sounds like she does this for attention. She has to keep getting a new audience because once people get her number, the game is over for her. | |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1162
Location: White Mountains of AZ | That is so sad to hear...I bet she doesn't even realize what's she's doing. Trust your instinct in what to do here. I'm not sure what would be best, so just know I'm praying for you and everybody's safety in this mess! | |
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How do you deal with a liar?.....long