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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 937
  
| How do you deal with the aftermath of suicide? I'm so mad and upset and have so many emotions running through me right now I don't know what to do. My father committed suicide Sunday and I'm so devastated right now. My brother was the one who found him and I hurt so bad for my brother. Nobody should have to see that. We have set up services and tried to get everything together but the list is so long. I never in a million years expected to be going through something like this... |
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 Veteran
Posts: 209
| I have been in your shoes before, my father committed suicide just shy of 4 years ago, my mom and I were the ones to find him, my sister was away at friends. It was her birthday. If you need anything please please please PM me. Or I can give you my facebook or phone number. It is hard to go through and its certainly not easy. Many prayers to you |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
 
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | So sorry to read this, no advice for you all I can do is some hugs for you and say a prayer for you and your family.  |
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 Tried and True
Posts: 21185
Location: Where I am happiest | Oh gosh. I am so so sorry. I have no words of wisdom but my most sincere prayers are with you and your family. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 669
Location: Central Texas | hugs and prayers. There are suicide support groups out there. Reach out to one. |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 425
Location: California | 
So sorry to hear this! Just know your father will always be with you & looking over you. I lost my father about 11 yrs ago now. Honestly it doesn't really get that much easier... it's more like you just get used to missing someone. Let all of your emotions take over, because they're going to eventually. Don't hold anything back. I still have moments where I break down.
All you can do is be there for your brother, & go through this together. Don't ask yourself questions (why, what could you have done diff. etc), because you will most likely never know the answers... it can be extremely hard, but you don't want to beat yourself up over something you couldn't control.
Edited by ccarpe18 2015-02-26 12:31 PM
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 Ima Fickle Fan
Posts: 3547
Location: Texas | First off, I wish I could give you a million hugs. My heart hurts for you and your family. I lost my brother (only full sibling) and uncle to suicide.
Here is what I have learned:
1. The anger is natural. Don't feel guilty for it.
2. You will never have the answers you want. Those left behind want to make sense of it all. To make sense of it requires answer that only your father could give you.
3. We will never understand the demons people face. We never truly know the battle each person is dealing with.
4. We want to understand suicide with a rational and logical mind. A person who commits suicide is neither of the two.
5. God loves each of us. Only God knows what is in our hearts and minds. He understands our struggles. Never for a moment believe that your father will be in hell for what he did. Only God determines our fates and he knows our challenges.
6. People call suicide selfish because of the pain inflicted on those left behind. From my experiences, it would be selfish on my part to force the daily struggles upon my brother and uncle so I would not feel sorrow and loss.
I know I will see both of them again. I know that this life is temporary and Heaven is eternal. While that doesn't make the pain any less, it makes the sorrow bearable.
Prayers for your family.
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 Namesless in BHW
Posts: 10368
Location: At the race track with Ah Dee Ohs | Oh gosh. Many prayers for you and your brother. I have no advice, just hugs and prayers. |
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 I Prefer to Live in Fantasy Land
Posts: 64864
Location: In the Hills of Texas | I'm lost for words. No one should have to lose a family member this way.
Hugs and prayers.. |
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Location: Texas | I am so sorry to hear this. Dear Lord, please wrap your arms around this family during this time of pain and loss, lift them up with strength and courage to get through this hard time.
My dad, found my aunt (his brother's wife), hanging from the rafters of their barn. On a blanket below her, my 10 month old cousin was playing. My father had to get her down, call his brother with the news and 911. We were all sad, confused and shocked. But, my dad was just plain mad. He did not attend the funeral, to this day will not talk about it and if someone brings her name up he will instantly get mad and walk away.
With that being said, I can only hope yourself and your family are able to get though this without anger. I know everyone handles death differently but in this case I would highly suggest seeing a therapist.
Many, many prayers for yourself and your family!!! |
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 Roan Wonder
Location: SW MO | aggiejudger - 2015-02-26 12:31 PM
First off, I wish I could give you a million hugs. My heart hurts for you and your family. I lost my brother (only full sibling) and uncle to suicide.
Here is what I have learned:
1. The anger is natural. Don't feel guilty for it.
2. You will never have the answers you want. Those left behind want to make sense of it all. To make sense of it requires answer that only your father could give you.
3. We will never understand the demons people face. We never truly know the battle each person is dealing with.
4. We want to understand suicide with a rational and logical mind. A person who commits suicide is neither of the two.
5. God loves each of us. Only God knows what is in our hearts and minds. He understands our struggles. Never for a moment believe that your father will be in hell for what he did. Only God determines our fates and he knows our challenges. 6. People call suicide selfish because of the pain inflicted on those left behind. From my experiences, it would be selfish on my part to force the daily struggles upon my brother and uncle so I would not feel sorrow and loss. I know I will see both of them again. I know that this life is temporary and Heaven is eternal. While that doesn't make the pain any less, it makes the sorrow bearable. Prayers for your family.
This says it all and says it wonderfully
Prayers for you and your family |
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 Party Girl
Posts: 12293
Location: Buffalo, Wyoming | Many to you.
4 weeks ago this Saturday and very close friend of mine comitted suicide. I will never ever fathom why he did this. He was always a happy go lucky guy.
I have found comfort in the sunset and sunrise over the mountains. That is where he loved to be. I took a picture a weekend after it happened and when I went back to look at the picture there was a little black speck that was not there to begin with. I feel that was KC telling me he was there. I also had a very vivid dream about him last week. He was holding my hand through the whole dream. I woke in the best mood I had been in since I heard the news. I think he was telling he was doing good and will always be with me.
I still break down uncontrollably (which I am sure I will do for many years to come) but I find strength knowing I have the best guardian angle watching over me. |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | I'm so sorry, many many prayers for you and your family. I've been there, but on the other side. I pray you find peace through this. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1898
| Hugs to you and your family.
I can't say I know how you feel or where you are coming from. What I can say is I have experienced this tragedy twice.
A friend of mine who was like my other mother took her own life about 8 years ago. It was unbelievably hard for me. I was hurt, mad, upset, lost, you name it I suffered that emotion. Like someone else said, you never get over it, you just learn to live with it. There are still songs I can't listen to because they make me sob like a baby.
In grade school and high school my husband had two very close friends. The three of them were like brothers. Last March, life became to much for one of the friends and he choose to leave this world. My husband's other friend was on the phone with him when he did it. Almost a year later and he still calls my husband in tears asking why he couldn't stop him.
For some people, the suffering becomes more than they can bare. There is no amount of counseling or prescription that can make them better. The only way they see the pain stopping is to leave this world behind. Both of my friends felt like if they were gone everything would be better for the people around them. Just remember that there is nothing you could have done.
Remember him for the good and the joy he brought. Remember for who he was before.
If you need anything please don't hesitate to send me a PM or I as well will give you my facebook. This is a hard long journey. Prayers to you and your brother. I hope you find peace in knowing that your father is no longer suffering. |
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 Expert
Posts: 2161
Location: NW. Florida | So sorry. |
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 BHW's Lance Armstrong 
Posts: 11134
Location: Somewhere between S@%&# stirrer and Saint | So sorry for you and your family and all others that have experienced this. When a person is at their lowest it is very hard to understand their thinking. No matter how low you feel there is hope and someone to help you even if you don't see it. God bless
PS the Savior is there to succor you if you turn to Him for comfort. It may be hard to see but search and He will be there.
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 937
| aggiejudger - 2015-02-26 12:31 PM First off, I wish I could give you a million hugs. My heart hurts for you and your family. I lost my brother (only full sibling) and uncle to suicide.
Here is what I have learned:
1. The anger is natural. Don't feel guilty for it.
2. You will never have the answers you want. Those left behind want to make sense of it all. To make sense of it requires answer that only your father could give you.
3. We will never understand the demons people face. We never truly know the battle each person is dealing with.
4. We want to understand suicide with a rational and logical mind. A person who commits suicide is neither of the two.
5. God loves each of us. Only God knows what is in our hearts and minds. He understands our struggles. Never for a moment believe that your father will be in hell for what he did. Only God determines our fates and he knows our challenges.
6. People call suicide selfish because of the pain inflicted on those left behind. From my experiences, it would be selfish on my part to force the daily struggles upon my brother and uncle so I would not feel sorrow and loss.
I know I will see both of them again. I know that this life is temporary and Heaven is eternal. While that doesn't make the pain any less, it makes the sorrow bearable.
Prayers for your family.
I am struggling and worried about his soul. My brother has already said he thinks he has gone to hell and when he talks about it I get really upset. I don't want to believe he has gone to hell. I want to see my Dad again in heaven but I am so worried about it.
I don't think I will ever understand why he choose this but I am glad he isn't in pain anymore.
I think what has hit me the hardest was he had out all of my old buckles on his dresser looking at them before he died and I just wonder why I or my brother couldn't be enough of a reason for him to try and stick around.
My parents were divorced so me and my brother are the closest relatives and are responsible for everything. His debt and estate and everything will be going into probate and I am scared to death about this as well. |
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 Sorry I don't have any advice
Posts: 1975
Location: Sunnyland Florida |
Prayers for you and all of your family during this difficult time.
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Nut Case Expert
Posts: 9305
Location: Tulsa, Ok | People who resort to suicide have to be in a place so deep and so dark that nobody that has not been there can begin to concieve of understand the depth of their illness. My heart goes out to you and your family. I hope you will eventually find peace with this tragedy. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1162
Location: White Mountains of AZ | Suicide is hard. I am soooo very sorry for your loss! I lost a friend to suicide few years back. Very unexpected. Her mother found her in the barn on the moms property. Even now, I tear up. Just imagine a thousand hugs and even more prayers for you and your family. BHW family is very big and is here for you ! :) |
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 Texas Tenderheart
Posts: 6715
Location: Red Raiderland | Sourkiss, I am so very sorry for your loss. It is something that you try to wrap your head around but you just can't come up with any sense for it. I lost my best friend to suicide 17 years ago this past Monday. I can say that when it happened and for the first year I had a lot of anger and could not believe she left me and her family. After a while I began to just miss her and accept that she was in a very dark place that no one could have saved her. I now have very vivid dreams about her and most of the time I waking smiling and thinking she is ok and other dreams I feel like she is trying to tell me something. Those dreams she always seems so somber. I don't know what to make of it but I am so grateful to still see her in my dreams. She died when we were 31 and she will forever be young and beautiful. I miss her A LOT but for some reason she had to go and I will never have the true reason why but I finally love watching videos or looking at pictures of us. It finally makes me laugh, smile and even cry.
Many people have told wonderful stories of their loss and I hope we can comfort you if only for a brief moment. Emotions are so raw at this time for you and your brother so don't hold anything against him and know that every human has their unique way to deal with the loss of a loved one whether it's by accident, natural causes or suicide. Here is a big to help hold you tight at this dark time. |
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 Looking for Lady Jockey
Posts: 3747
Location: Rodeos or Baseball games | Sending prayers your way. |
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Common Sense and then some
Location: So. California | My heartfelt sympathy and compassion for your loss. Sending many HUGS your way..
I'm not going to try to explain suicide, as I don't understand the depths of dispair some people feel. My heart truly aches for them.
What I do know is that God LOVES all of his children and he forgives us for our sins. God can see into our heart and He understands the pain and torment that some suffer through. I believe those that are victims of suicide are comforted in His arms and they are relieved of the bondage that held them hostage in this world. That His loving embrace is the first thing they feel once they leave this world and that all anguish and suffering is immediately removed.
Believe that your father has gone home to God and all his earthly sins have been washed away. Please try to picture your father in God's loving arms and know that he no longer suffers. Feel God's love and understanding has healed your father's soul and that he is now free and full of God's love and grace. Know that he has now ascended to heaven and awaits his place, basking in God's compassion and mercy. Amen. |
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 Love Me Some Robert Redford
Posts: 2335
Location: WV | Many hugs to you. I have no better advice than what has already been given here from others. No matter how it happens the loss of a loved one is very hard. Prayers to your family that God brings you comfort in this tragic time. |
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Miss Southern Sunshine
Posts: 7427
Location: South Central Florida | For me it was my Sister-in-law but also my close friend. I was so angry once the shock faded...that I didnt even cry for 2 years. I went through the motions and did most of the planning because my husband (his sister) was devistated. Then one day I started to cry and thought I would never stop. It was a total SHOCK, no one had any idea. I will keep you all in my prayers...it is a strange world, no one knows what to say, people kind of expect you to move on faster, well faster than I was ready anyway. There is no normal... |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 319
| I'm so sorry you are going through this. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 937
| Anniemae - 2015-02-26 6:13 PM My heartfelt sympathy and compassion for your loss. Sending many HUGS your way..
I'm not going to try to explain suicide, as I don't understand the depths of dispair some people feel. My heart truly aches for them.
What I do know is that God LOVES all of his children and he forgives us for our sins. God can see into our heart and He understands the pain and torment that some suffer through. I believe those that are victims of suicide are comforted in His arms and they are relieved of the bondage that held them hostage in this world. That His loving embrace is the first thing they feel once they leave this world and that all anguish and suffering is immediately removed.
Believe that your father has gone home to God and all his earthly sins have been washed away. Please try to picture your father in God's loving arms and know that he no longer suffers. Feel God's love and understanding has healed your father's soul and that he is now free and full of God's love and grace. Know that he has now ascended to heaven and awaits his place, basking in God's compassion and mercy. Amen.
Thank you for your kind words. I truly hope you are right. The thought of him in Gods embrace gives me comfort. I truly appreciate it. I'd like to think I have a new gaurdina angel. |
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 IMA No Hair Style Gal
Posts: 2594
| Tomorrow marks two months since my husband’s father took his life.
Take things minute by minute if you have to. My husband has been taking it very hard. All of his kids are. I strongly recommend therapy. We are basically just trying to cope and survive. Keep on truckin. I am here if you ever need to talk. I am sorry because I know I can't say anything to make you feel better. I am a good listener though if you need an ear. |
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Industrial Srength Barrel Racer
Posts: 7268
| I have no advice but I am so very sorry for your loss. Many prayers! |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Prayers for your loss, I am so sorry you lost your father this way. Suicide is so difficult for those left behind to understand. I hope with time you find peace in your grieving. |
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 Expert
Posts: 3782
Location: Gainesville, TX | This is tough. I don't have much in the way of help but many prayers. |
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 Special Somebody
Posts: 3951
Location: Finally horseback again.... | Im so very sorry for your loss
I just got word that one of my clients husband, who recently retired from the military committed suicide Wednesday.
I cant fathom what you both are going through but will pray that God wraps his arms around you both and somehow eases your pain. |
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Common Sense and then some
Location: So. California | Checking in to see how you are doing today. Sending more hugs your way.
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Veteran
Posts: 139
Location: Abbotsford B.C. Canada | We can never know the pain someone may be feeling who commits suicide. I lost my dad to suicide . He was depressed because he could not stop drinking. I ended up treating or thinking about his problem like a disease. Some people get depressed and are in emotional pain and just like having a terminal disease feel they must end it.
They do not realize how much it affects those around them unfortunately, but do not lay blame.
So I accept his death as a consquence of something as serious as cancer though it is behavior related maybe due to a a host of issues.
I think the key is keep the memory of your dad alive by holding him in your thoughts in those quiet moments when you are alone and can remember him. If you keep him in your heart always, he is not truly gone, he is with you still. Remember the good times and the good things you shared and cherish that always.
We were caught off guard but looking back the signs were there. You and your brother will have to be there for each other now and all you can do is endure this pain, but honour your father, remember him always and keep in mind never ever forget or take for granted the family bonds you still have. His passing is never perhaps going to be easy to explain. We underestimate the mental pain and trauma some people face.
Take what you can from this and go forward more determined than ever to support each other whether family or friends and cherish the relationships you have. Tragedy can strike anytime and we never know when. Maybe that is his legacy to you. If he is in your heart he is not gone, just waiting for the time when you are all back together again.
I can only say this old northern cowboy says a prayer for your dad and for you and your family. Keep the love burning.
With respect,
Coastal Rider
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 New Word Inventor
Posts: 1506
Location: Who knows | sourkiss378 - 2015-02-26 1:12 PM
aggiejudger - 2015-02-26 12:31 PM First off, I wish I could give you a million hugs. My heart hurts for you and your family. I lost my brother (only full sibling) and uncle to suicide.
Here is what I have learned:
1. The anger is natural. Don't feel guilty for it.
2. You will never have the answers you want. Those left behind want to make sense of it all. To make sense of it requires answer that only your father could give you.
3. We will never understand the demons people face. We never truly know the battle each person is dealing with.
4. We want to understand suicide with a rational and logical mind. A person who commits suicide is neither of the two.
5. God loves each of us. Only God knows what is in our hearts and minds. He understands our struggles. Never for a moment believe that your father will be in hell for what he did. Only God determines our fates and he knows our challenges.
6. People call suicide selfish because of the pain inflicted on those left behind. From my experiences, it would be selfish on my part to force the daily struggles upon my brother and uncle so I would not feel sorrow and loss.
I know I will see both of them again. I know that this life is temporary and Heaven is eternal. While that doesn't make the pain any less, it makes the sorrow bearable.
Prayers for your family.
I don't think I will ever understand why he choose this but I am glad he isn't in pain anymore.
I think what has hit me the hardest was he had out all of my old buckles on his dresser looking at them before he died and I just wonder why I or my brother couldn't be enough of a reason for him to try and stick around.
My parents were divorced so me and my brother are the closest relatives and are responsible for everything. His debt and estate and everything will be going into probate and I am scared to death about this as well.
I would find it a very petty God indeed that would condemn someone who commits suicide. People with normal brain chemistry just don't do this. They aren't crazy, but something is off that makes them view the world differently, and it's in a haze of emotional pain. It's a pain that can't be seen, and some are very good at covering it up behind smiles, but it's there. They don't necessarily want to die, but it gets to the point that their life hurts so much, it's a relief to them to be rid of it. Their fear of death is overwhelmed by the emotional pain. This is not a choice (people like to throw absolutes out there like "happiness is a choice" but if your brain chemistry is off, it is NOT). Someone suffering from this doesn't choose to be this way, hence why I say it would be petty, indeed, for God to condemn. I would like to think that a God that knows everything about all creation would see that and understand it's a death from an unseen malady, an intangible enemy.
No one should feel guilty for things that are out of their hands. Be angry, be sad, grieve. It is normal and natural. Just don't blame yourself. |
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Suicide