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 Underestimated Underdog
Posts: 3971
    
Location: Minnesota | I dont know what Im asking for or if Im even asking for anything, maybe a hug or someone to talk to. I dont know. This probably wont make any sense and I hope that's okay with everyone. I've tried talking to people here in MN and its not helping. I feel like some of you on this board are more of a friend to me then the friends I can actually see or have even met for that matter.
A month and a half ago I lost my mare. It was my first time loosing a horse, it was so unexpected and I didnt have time to say goodbye. A few weeks later I moved out of the house my husband and I shared. I tried and tried for a couple years to make things work and I couldnt do it anymore. Two weeks ago my aunt died. She basically raised me after my mom died. Her and my mom were like sisters. My aunt was married to my mom's twin brother. My aunt wrote to me in a journal and I read it every day. Sometimes it makes it better but other days I cant help but feel horrible.
I cant see past the next 5 minutes and I dont know how to handle all of this. My aunt wouldnt want me to be like this, I know all that but that doesnt stop me from sitting here not knowing...I took a personal day from work because the nightmates have kept me up for days. I close my eyes and they're there, I wake up crying. I go back to sleep and the nightmare just picks back up. I cant escape from my reality into my dreams because my dreams have turned into nightmares that wont stop.
Im rambling and I dont even know what Im looking for.
Thanks for listening. You've been great BHW. |
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 Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | I've been wondering where you have been on Facebook. I am so sorry to hear about this. You have a great outlet here and an awesome support system.  |
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 Undercover Amish Mafia Member
Posts: 9992
Location: Kansas | I'm so sorry sterling. I'm here if you need anything. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 550
| Hugs & prayers.
That is a rough few months to go through, and like you said, sometimes the next 5 minutes is the best you can do. You just have to keep going 5 minutes at a time, and things WILL get better. It is sometimes hard to believe in the midst of the pain, but they do. |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Hugs and prayers, hang in there for the better times that are ahead of you and they will come. |
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  Playing the Waiting Game
Posts: 2304
| Greif takes it's own time... Just keep breathing! Because sometimes that is all you can do.. I hope your job is sympathetic to your issues and allows you the time you need. I've had many days that I woke up and had to tell myself... BREATHE... And I do get through one more day.
Please don't blame GOD... I feel it's the devil trying to get you to turn away from GOD that is putting these obsticles in your way.
Bless you and I'll pray for you to have the strength to get happy. |
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Go Get Em!
Posts: 13503
Location: OH. IO | HUGS TO MY FAVORITE GIRL!! After the loss of your mare and the loss of the life at home and the loss of your aunt I guess I wouldnt expect anything but difficult times for awhile.But your aunt is Pain free and for that I say celebrate! She sure was very sick and the pain is gone now. SHE WANTED YOU TO BE STRONG AND HAPPY.Remember her in happy memories and live your life through her. As for your new life...knowing what I know....again CELEBRATE!!! YOU DESERVE BETTER! and as for Jetta.WOW!!! HOW BLESSED WAS THAT MARE TO HAVE YOU!!!!!! You did so right by that mare that im positive she passed peacefully with so much love for you! Again CELEBRATE!!! See...your life is a celebration of great things.Take it to the fullest! Theres gonna be pain..hurt and struggles no doubt..But all we can do is thank God for what he has given us.YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE!
Edited by jake16 2015-03-19 9:05 AM
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 Veteran
Posts: 120
Location: The Great Midwest | What tough times you have been going through and I will pray that the Lord can comfort you in this time of hurt and pain. I just lost my mother last October to GBM stage 4 brain cancer. If you look it up the prognosis is the worst you could ever get. No survival and it slowly takes away your body functions. I can still picture her last 5 weeks of life when she was on hospice as if it was yesterday. The pain and suffering she had to go through is unbareable. BUT I choose to think of all the wonderful times I had with her. Now being only 24 I didn't get as many as most will with their moms. She made it to my wedding, but won't get to meet my children. On top of it it's only been 5 months and my father is actively seeing someone..... Someone who my mother hated..... THAT is hard to bear. I keep my head up and keep strong for HER and I have a feeling your Aunt and mom would want you to do the same. I am sure they were strong tough women and gave you the best advice you could ever have. I do not know what your religious beliefs are but I wholehartedly believe my mom is up in heaven smiling down on me (and sometimes shaking her head ;) and she is in a much better place then here. No worries, no pain just living in sheer bliss for eternity. THAT is what helps me get through these trying days because I love her SO much that I want her to live like that. And another thing that helps is I try to be thankful for all of the blessings I still have and that the Lord is providing for me. He is giving me sucess with my business which I am so passionate about, my wonderful younger sister who reminds me so much of my mother, and my best friend my husband. I could not make it without them. And last but not least my mare. I don't know how many you have in your herd but be thankful for those big 4 legged creatures! They are a blessing in disguise and can cheer you up through the hardest of times. Cheer up, hold your head high and know YOU can get through this, you have your mother and aunts wonderful experiences and advice that I am sure they gave to you during their time on Earth. Stay strong and I will be praying for you and feeling your pain as well, it's not easy. Your friend from MO ~ Rachel |
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 Whack and Roll
Posts: 6342
Location: NE Texas | Ctrygirl14, first of all, BIG HUGS to you!!!! Life is so hard sometimes, especially when it feels like everything happens at once. The one thing that you need to know is that as tough as things are right now, a time is coming when things will be equally as bright and great, so do not give up. I encourage you to find someone to talk to locally that doesn't know you....maybe a pastor at a church or a counselor. Someone who you can just open up to and talk about everything. I find that when I am at my lowest it helps to just talk and for me it's easier to talk to someone I don't really know. I believe that until we are able to almost purge verbally the things that are troubling us, they continue to build until we just cannot take anymore. Please find someone who can lend you an ear so you're able to do this. If you need to do it here, call me, or email me i'm happy to be that ear for you. Not because I can fix anything, but because I know the importance of just letting it go through words and the relief it can bring.
The one thing you need to know is that it is all going to be ok, I promise. There is a light at the end of this tunnel, and you have the power to reach it sooner than later. I want you to look in the mirror at yourself and say out loud to yourself that it is ok to let all of this go, that your mourning is over, and that you CHOOSE happiness over sadness at this very moment. I know that sounds silly but words are powerful! Even when we're talking to ourself out loud. The quicker you are able to do this and make this choice for yourself, the quicker you will find that light. Now please understand that the sadness will creep back, but when it does, again, say outloud that you choose happiness and retrain your brain to think of something that brings you joy. If you're having trouble finding something, get a new hobby, take up reading, go do something that makes you feel GOOD (I like to go to the tanning bed, or get my hair done, or nails done when i'm feeling bluesy....and I never do any of that on a regular basis, so it's something out of the norm that makes me feel good about me).
I promise you that if you can find something that makes you happy and retrain your brain to think of those happy things, then your nightmares will go away. If you find yourself thinking about the things that are bringing you sadness before you go to sleep, you're going to have to train yourself to clear your brain and redirect your thoughts. Sometimes when I can't sleep due to my mind being in over drive, I will simply think GO TO SLEEP, GO TO SLEEP.....yes, almost like counting sheep. HAHA But it redirects my thoughts and relaxes my body and mind and i'm able to close my eyes and sleep.
You are not alone in your struggles, you need to know that. We all have things that have bogged us down emotionally, physically, spiritually and otherwise. I know my struggles aren't as bad as many other people's on here, but I had about a year where nearly everyone I was close to let me down including my own father, my ex husband, the person I considered to be my best friend, and yes, it changed me, but I made sure it was for the better. This is the choice you have to make for yourself as well. Be sure that these experiences change you, but only for the better. I believe in you and know that you are able to do this, to get through this, and to prosper. We have never visited via PM or otherwise, but know that I am here for you, as are many others here on BHW! I want you to smile, to rest, and to choose right now that this is the first day of the rest of your life and by golly you're going to make it a good one! Big hugs again to you and i'm sending big smiles and sunshine your way!!! You got this!!!! |
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Underestimated Underdog
Posts: 3971
Location: Minnesota | I'm alone, I feel alone. My husband is gone, my mom is gone, my aunt is gone. I have these four walls and this computer. I've never felt like Ive hit such a bottum before. I'm begging God to help me. I dont know what to do.
Im the journal, my aunt wrote that she wished she would of talked about God with me more. My aunt reintroduced me to church after my mom died and its only because of my aunt that I restored my faith in God...She wished there was someone that would talk about God with me more.
God only gives us what we can handle, right? Is that how the saying goes? |
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Veteran
Posts: 120
Location: The Great Midwest | Ctrygirl14 - 2015-03-19 9:11 AM
I'm alone, I feel alone. My husband is gone, my mom is gone, my aunt is gone. I have these four walls and this computer. I've never felt like Ive hit such a bottum before. I'm begging God to help me. I dont know what to do.
Im the journal, my aunt wrote that she wished she would of talked about God with me more. My aunt reintroduced me to church after my mom died and its only because of my aunt that I restored my faith in God...She wished there was someone that would talk about God with me more.
God only gives us what we can handle, right? Is that how the saying goes?
I would LOVE to talk about faith and our everlasting wonderful God! I am here if you need me! I honesty saw your post and the title caught my attention then I just had this feeling to click on it. As I was reading your post I wanted to respond but didn't know what to say. I asked God to help me say the right words, to have my experience and words help comfort you. My church has a series going on right now titled "you'll get through this" and boy do I NEED to hear this. Our pastor talkes about the story of Joseph how he is loved by his father, hated by his brothers and sold into slavery by them for over 20 years and his father just thinks he is missing. Through out his 20 years as a slave he NEVER wanders away from God even though he wants to! IF you have time here is the links to my pastors sermons about this. You can watch the videos and I hope it helps comfort you!
http://www.bscc.org/?page_id=684
Praying for you  |
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 Cute Little Imp
Posts: 2747
Location: N Texas | I agree with Herbie, you need to find someone who you can go and talk to. It's awesome that you can talk about your struggles to your board buddies, but speaking to someone in person will be very helpful, especially someone who is equipped to give advice to someone in your situation. Yes, God doesn't give you more than He think you can handle. Hang in there, it WILL get better.
Edited by Gunner11 2015-03-19 9:23 AM
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1119
| Sterling, my heart is aching for you. Any of those things on their own would be enough to cause severe heartache within a person, but to have all three happen in such a short amount of time is gut wrenching. You are strong, and as much as it hurts to look into the future, you can get through this. Please know that you will, one day at a time. If you need to talk or text, please reach out to me or anyone else on this board. My number is 309-236-4014. |
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 More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | I'm so sorry Sterling. I had no idea you were going through all of this. I'm sending you prayers, many hugs and an ear to listen if you need to talk. Is splitting from your husband something that can be worked out? |
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 Namesless in BHW
Posts: 10368
Location: At the race track with Ah Dee Ohs | jake16 - 2015-03-19 9:03 AM HUGS TO MY FAVORITE GIRL!! After the loss of your mare and the loss of the life at home and the loss of your aunt I guess I wouldnt expect anything but difficult times for awhile.But your aunt is Pain free and for that I say celebrate! She sure was very sick and the pain is gone now. SHE WANTED YOU TO BE STRONG AND HAPPY.Remember her in happy memories and live your life through her. As for your new life...knowing what I know....again CELEBRATE!!! YOU DESERVE BETTER! and as for Jetta.WOW!!! HOW BLESSED WAS THAT MARE TO HAVE YOU!!!!!! You did so right by that mare that im positive she passed peacefully with so much love for you! Again CELEBRATE!!! See...your life is a celebration of great things.Take it to the fullest! Theres gonna be pain..hurt and struggles no doubt..But all we can do is thank God for what he has given us.YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE!
Great words Jake16. Sterling, we are all here for you. |
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Underestimated Underdog
Posts: 3971
Location: Minnesota | CYA Ranch - 2015-03-19 9:34 AM
I'm so sorry Sterling. I had no idea you were going through all of this. I'm sending you prayers, many hugs and an ear to listen if you need to talk. Is splitting from your husband something that can be worked out?
I honestly dont know. Im feeling so alone and broken that I dont know if Im confusing wanting to be with him or I'm just needing time to get through this. I dont know how much more time I can do all of this. The last 4 days have taken everything from me. I barely got myself to work yesterday morning and today I couldnt get myself there. Is this because of my aunt or my marriage? Both? Probably. I don't know if one is making the other worse or what to do. I feel crazy. |
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 That's White "Man" to You
Posts: 5515
| Ctrygirl14 - 2015-03-19 9:11 AM I'm alone, I feel alone. My husband is gone, my mom is gone, my aunt is gone. I have these four walls and this computer. I've never felt like Ive hit such a bottum before. I'm begging God to help me. I dont know what to do. Im the journal, my aunt wrote that she wished she would of talked about God with me more. My aunt reintroduced me to church after my mom died and its only because of my aunt that I restored my faith in God...She wished there was someone that would talk about God with me more. God only gives us what we can handle, right? Is that how the saying goes?
I like this one better.
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 Fact Checker
Posts: 16575
Location: Displaced Iowegian | I have no other words to express that haven't already been written here......but you are a very strong young lady and I know that you will continue to put one foot in front of the other......prayers for you...... |
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 Serious Snap Trapper
Posts: 4275
Location: In The Snow, AZ | I'm not good with words. So I'm just here to offer my prayers to you. God is good, all the time. We just can't always see it. |
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Whack and Roll
Posts: 6342
Location: NE Texas | jake16 - 2015-03-19 9:03 AM HUGS TO MY FAVORITE GIRL!! After the loss of your mare and the loss of the life at home and the loss of your aunt I guess I wouldnt expect anything but difficult times for awhile.But your aunt is Pain free and for that I say celebrate! She sure was very sick and the pain is gone now. SHE WANTED YOU TO BE STRONG AND HAPPY.Remember her in happy memories and live your life through her. As for your new life...knowing what I know....again CELEBRATE!!! YOU DESERVE BETTER! and as for Jetta.WOW!!! HOW BLESSED WAS THAT MARE TO HAVE YOU!!!!!! You did so right by that mare that im positive she passed peacefully with so much love for you! Again CELEBRATE!!! See...your life is a celebration of great things.Take it to the fullest! Theres gonna be pain..hurt and struggles no doubt..But all we can do is thank God for what he has given us.YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE!
Really well spoken, jake16! And you're so right, if we make even the things that bring us the most stress a celebration, then these things become positives in our life. |
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Expert
Posts: 1343
Location: East Texas | Ctrygirl14 - 2015-03-19 9:11 AM
I'm alone, I feel alone. My husband is gone, my mom is gone, my aunt is gone. I have these four walls and this computer. I've never felt like Ive hit such a bottum before. I'm begging God to help me. I dont know what to do.
Im the journal, my aunt wrote that she wished she would of talked about God with me more. My aunt reintroduced me to church after my mom died and its only because of my aunt that I restored my faith in God...She wished there was someone that would talk about God with me more.
God only gives us what we can handle, right? Is that how the saying goes?
Ctrygirl,
1 Corinthians 10:13 NIV
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
He tells us that there is no trial that we may go through that is common to what a lot of others have gone through. There are times when we feel that no one can possibly understand what we are going through. We feel that we may not be able to make it, because we're having to endure what no one else has had to endure. God is saying that He knows that what you are going through is very hard. He know it may seem unbearable. But you need to realize that others have gone though very similar trials and He enabled them to get through it. I will get you through it too!
There are those times of trial when there seems to be absolutely no way out. It's as if we had been pushed into a room with no windows and no doors. We can see no hope whatsoever of getting out. In those times, He tells us that He will make a way to escape. At just the right time, in just the right way, He will open the door.
Prayers that that He will give you strength and place people in your path to keep you uplifted and be there for you. If you are not involved in a local church, try and find one and surround yourself with people who will pray with you and for you!
Many hugs!!
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Underestimated Underdog
Posts: 3971
Location: Minnesota | jake16 - 2015-03-19 9:03 AM
HUGS TO MY FAVORITE GIRL!! After the loss of your mare and the loss of the life at home and the loss of your aunt I guess I wouldnt expect anything but difficult times for awhile.But your aunt is Pain free and for that I say celebrate! She sure was very sick and the pain is gone now. SHE WANTED YOU TO BE STRONG AND HAPPY.Remember her in happy memories and live your life through her. As for your new life...knowing what I know....again CELEBRATE!!! YOU DESERVE BETTER! and as for Jetta.WOW!!! HOW BLESSED WAS THAT MARE TO HAVE YOU!!!!!! You did so right by that mare that im positive she passed peacefully with so much love for you! Again CELEBRATE!!! See...your life is a celebration of great things.Take it to the fullest! Theres gonna be pain..hurt and struggles no doubt..But all we can do is thank God for what he has given us.YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE!
Thanks, Mom. You are my sunshine. |
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More bootie than waist!
Posts: 18425
Location: Riding Crackhead. | Ctrygirl14 - 2015-03-19 9:42 AM
CYA Ranch - 2015-03-19 9:34 AM
I'm so sorry Sterling. I had no idea you were going through all of this. I'm sending you prayers, many hugs and an ear to listen if you need to talk. Is splitting from your husband something that can be worked out?
I honestly dont know. Im feeling so alone and broken that I dont know if Im confusing wanting to be with him or I'm just needing time to get through this. I dont know how much more time I can do all of this. The last 4 days have taken everything from me. I barely got myself to work yesterday morning and today I couldnt get myself there. Is this because of my aunt or my marriage? Both? Probably. I don't know if one is making the other worse or what to do. I feel crazy.
Pray! You have someone listening whenever you need to talk. He will guide you! Why did you and your husband split? Were you not happy or was there other things going on? |
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 Not Afraid to Work
Posts: 4717
| Sterling,
where in MN are you?? I'd be happy to take you to dinner, lend an ear, whatever you need.
I also can help you find a good person to talk to you. You may just need something temporarily to assist with all your recent grief. |
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 Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
Location: Florida.. | Jake said it well..
Hugs to you and Please know that it will get easier one day at a time.. These are your hardest days . Losing my mare Biblia that was my heart and then losing wayne my love of my life one month later tragically and no goodbye, I never thought Id dig out of the deep hole. its hell.. but God will bring you out of it.. TRUST me.. There will be brighter days sunshine days.. one day at a time. one hour at a time if need be.. you will always have hard days and sad days and then the good memories will be more then the bad and you reflect back on the time you did get to spend time with them and love them. MOURN, CRY,GRIEVE, and get angry but please PRAY and LEAN on GOD or your higher being.. and your friends.but please trust me when I say it hurts now but it does get easier as time goes by you learn that you were blessed to have them in your life. |
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 Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | Breaks my heart to read this. I can't say much more than Herbie said. Her advise is always spot on. I can't tell you how many of her words that I have printed up and read and re read all of the time.
Where are Vinny and Boston?
I'm not sure if time heals, but it lessens the blow of things. I totally agree that you need to go to a counselor. One saved my life. I'm ready to see you thriving. I pray for that to happen because you deserve it. You deserve happiness and a great life, because you are a great, kind-hearted, loving person with no faults.....except that you like Goolash :)
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 Hawty & Nawty
Posts: 20424
| Try and find one thing that's good to focus on. I don't care what it is, just keep directing your thoughts to that one thing. Take each day a minute at a time. Hugs and if you need to talk pm me. |
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 Expert
Posts: 3782
Location: Gainesville, TX | Prayers for you during this difficult time. A lot of people have given great advice so I don't have much to add. When you have tons of stuff build though, its easy to lose sleep. Of course the irony here is that it is much harder to deal with these things if you don't sleep. I had a really tough time last year with some things and couldn't sleep. I used Zzzquil from Walmart. I didn't use it all the time but some. It helped. The better I slept, the more capable I felt dealing with my day. Best thing is that it is non habit forming. If you want to try a more natural form, Alteril, is also good. Getting someone to talk to, especially a trained counselor is also usually a good idea. |
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Rad Dork
Posts: 5218
Location: Oklahoma | Prayers for you during this tough time you're going thru. I wish I could help you out more, but please know that you are in my prayers! |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Sorry that you are having a tough time Sterling, prayers that it will get better for you as soon as possible your a strong girl and I know that you will get threw this, I hope that you and your husband will work it out, I know that you love him
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Expert
Posts: 1207
| Sorry you are going through this. Hugs!! Joyce Meyers "Battlefield of the Mind" is what helps me get through difficult times. Hang in there. |
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 pressure dripper
Posts: 8699
Location: the end of the rainbow | stayceem - 2015-03-19 8:13 AM
Sterling,
where in MN are you?? I'd be happy to take you to dinner, lend an ear, whatever you need.
I also can help you find a good person to talk to you. You may just need something temporarily to assist with all your recent grief.
please take her up on this. Grief can be overwhelming at the best of time and you have taken 3 huge hits right in a row without a chance to even catch your breath, must less recover. Grief counseling may be just the ticket. If you feel like you need to go church shopping find out when services are at several in your area. Go sit quietly in the back during a service or 2 at each one. You will know when you are in the right place. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? |
So this may sound goofy...but...could you get a puppy? Something that gives kisses and fluffy unconditional love? Something that keeps you anchored to the now...and needs you? When I was going through a dark time having my little dog greet each morning in the happy way dogs do...her joy to see me when I got home...and her need for me to be there to care for her helped to get me through and past that time. And she was a great listener...and didn't mind if I got tears in her fur.
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | I'm so sorry you are dealing with all of this. This is so much for anyone to handle. I agree with talking to a counselor, contact me anytime. I'm not on here much lately with work but I pop in from time to time.
Remember, this too shall pass. You have a lot of life waiting ahead of you. So much good will be in days ahead of you.
You have gotten some great advice here. Hang in there. Sometimes, you just have to take things one day at a time. Big hugs |
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 Total Germophobe
Posts: 6443
Location: Montana | Everyone else offered the best advice, so I'll offer some prayers for you. Just remember, it is always darkest before the dawn. |
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 Expert
Posts: 3534
Location: Stuck in a cubicle having tropical thoughts | When I'm feeling down I like to go to Amberely Snyder's wall and see how positive she is and how she is turning her lemons into lemonade. In her RFDtv interview she said "Not everyday is easy and don't expect it to be, but KEEP GOING". I was having a tough day yesterday, couldn's stop crying. Even though I've seen her barrel run at the American a dozen times, somebody else shared it again on their page so I watched it again and hearing Amberley say that really helped me.
On Aug 12, 2014 my sweet baby daughter, my first born, became an Angel Baby. She was stillborn 3 weeks before our due date. She was only 1 day shy of being medically considered full term. We don't know why this happened. Their best guess is she had some type of cord accident and cut her own blood flow off. I had just had 3 different baby showers in the 10 days before she was born. All of the gifts were still in the living room when we came home from the hospital.
Then in Oct my dad's 48YO cousin died of a heart attack while on vacation in the Phillipines, then a long time friend and horse dad passed of a heart attack on a fishing tip in KY. He was 52. Then my husband's grandma passed 4 days before Christmas. She was his last living grandparent. And my Grandma went in for knee replacement surgery and during her recovert they found ovarian cancer.
So you can say it's been a tough year, but I try to remember to count my blessings. As bad as things seem, it could always get worse. Most days are emotional. We visit our daughter in the cemetery often. You have to know you are not alone in your grief. It is not easy. I guess it's how we know we are alive. How we know we get to live another day. My mom's sister (my aunt) passed from being kicked in the head by a horse when she was 6.5 years old. Our daughter is buried right behind her, just across the driveway. She passed on her parents, my grandparents, wedding anniversary. Some days i think about how my grandma has gone 40+ years without her daughter. how she had to bury her baby. I just lose it when I think about it. I had another 4H friend die in a freak car accident 3 years ago. She was 24. Her brother who was 16, also died. Her dog was also in the vehicle and passed. These children had no other siblings. Their mom is a family friend. My heart is permanetly broken for them. Not a single day goes by since the accident that i don't think about them. Walking into their duel funeral was one of the most overwhelming sights I've ever seen. I wish I could fix it all. i wish I could take everybody's pain away. My husband is so sad. He misses and loves his daughter so much. All of this just puts things in persepective and makes you realize some things are just not that important. |
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Go Get Em!
Posts: 13503
Location: OH. IO | barlracr429 - 2015-03-19 10:13 PM
When I'm feeling down I like to go to Amberely Snyder's wall and see how positive she is and how she is turning her lemons into lemonade. In her RFDtv interview she said "Not everyday is easy and don't expect it to be, but KEEP GOING". I was having a tough day yesterday, couldn's stop crying. Even though I've seen her barrel run at the American a dozen times, somebody else shared it again on their page so I watched it again and hearing Amberley say that really helped me.
On Aug 12, 2014 my sweet baby daughter, my first born, became an Angel Baby. She was stillborn 3 weeks before our due date. She was only 1 day shy of being medically considered full term. We don't know why this happened. Their best guess is she had some type of cord accident and cut her own blood flow off. I had just had 3 different baby showers in the 10 days before she was born. All of the gifts were still in the living room when we came home from the hospital.
Then in Oct my dad's 48YO cousin died of a heart attack while on vacation in the Phillipines, then a long time friend and horse dad passed of a heart attack on a fishing tip in KY. He was 52. Then my husband's grandma passed 4 days before Christmas. She was his last living grandparent. And my Grandma went in for knee replacement surgery and during her recovert they found ovarian cancer.
So you can say it's been a tough year, but I try to remember to count my blessings. As bad as things seem, it could always get worse. Most days are emotional. We visit our daughter in the cemetery often. You have to know you are not alone in your grief. It is not easy. I guess it's how we know we are alive. How we know we get to live another day. My mom's sister (my aunt) passed from being kicked in the head by a horse when she was 6.5 years old. Our daughter is buried right behind her, just across the driveway. She passed on her parents, my grandparents, wedding anniversary. Some days i think about how my grandma has gone 40+ years without her daughter. how she had to bury her baby. I just lose it when I think about it. I had another 4H friend die in a freak car accident 3 years ago. She was 24. Her brother who was 16, also died. Her dog was also in the vehicle and passed. These children had no other siblings. Their mom is a family friend. My heart is permanetly broken for them. Not a single day goes by since the accident that i don't think about them. Walking into their duel funeral was one of the most overwhelming sights I've ever seen. I wish I could fix it all. i wish I could take everybody's pain away. My husband is so sad. He misses and loves his daughter so much. All of this just puts things in persepective and makes you realize some things are just not that important.
Oh my gosh.IM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS.I cant imagine your pain.My prayers are with you and your husband. |
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Veteran
Posts: 120
Location: The Great Midwest | barlracr429 - 2015-03-19 9:13 PM
When I'm feeling down I like to go to Amberely Snyder's wall and see how positive she is and how she is turning her lemons into lemonade. In her RFDtv interview she said "Not everyday is easy and don't expect it to be, but KEEP GOING". I was having a tough day yesterday, couldn's stop crying. Even though I've seen her barrel run at the American a dozen times, somebody else shared it again on their page so I watched it again and hearing Amberley say that really helped me.
On Aug 12, 2014 my sweet baby daughter, my first born, became an Angel Baby. She was stillborn 3 weeks before our due date. She was only 1 day shy of being medically considered full term. We don't know why this happened. Their best guess is she had some type of cord accident and cut her own blood flow off. I had just had 3 different baby showers in the 10 days before she was born. All of the gifts were still in the living room when we came home from the hospital.
Then in Oct my dad's 48YO cousin died of a heart attack while on vacation in the Phillipines, then a long time friend and horse dad passed of a heart attack on a fishing tip in KY. He was 52. Then my husband's grandma passed 4 days before Christmas. She was his last living grandparent. And my Grandma went in for knee replacement surgery and during her recovert they found ovarian cancer.
So you can say it's been a tough year, but I try to remember to count my blessings. As bad as things seem, it could always get worse. Most days are emotional. We visit our daughter in the cemetery often. You have to know you are not alone in your grief. It is not easy. I guess it's how we know we are alive. How we know we get to live another day. My mom's sister (my aunt) passed from being kicked in the head by a horse when she was 6.5 years old. Our daughter is buried right behind her, just across the driveway. She passed on her parents, my grandparents, wedding anniversary. Some days i think about how my grandma has gone 40+ years without her daughter. how she had to bury her baby. I just lose it when I think about it. I had another 4H friend die in a freak car accident 3 years ago. She was 24. Her brother who was 16, also died. Her dog was also in the vehicle and passed. These children had no other siblings. Their mom is a family friend. My heart is permanetly broken for them. Not a single day goes by since the accident that i don't think about them. Walking into their duel funeral was one of the most overwhelming sights I've ever seen. I wish I could fix it all. i wish I could take everybody's pain away. My husband is so sad. He misses and loves his daughter so much. All of this just puts things in persepective and makes you realize some things are just not that important.
Amen. After loosing someone you love so much..... The little things just don't matter anymore and you are thankful for what you have.  It's tough loosing a parent but I hurt for for loosing your precious baby girl. I was only supposed to live maybe 48 hours. I had extreme swelling of my liver and spleen, and an apgar(spelling?) of 1 when normal is 10. I stayed in the hospital for over a month and had many complications and just couldn't get off of oxygen support. My mother stayed with me everyday (I just happened to be born 4 hours away from where they lived) i finally was able to go home. My dad just recently told me after my moms passing that she would pray and beg God if he let me live, let her take the burden from me. She always told me she knew her life had a purpose and after her original diagnosis he let her live 5 years and she helped encourage people with the same diagnosis, help them get through their battles when she was fighting one of her very own. But isn't it amazing what we will do for our babies. A mothers love is unconditional and I miss mine more then anything. Stay strong I will be praying. |
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