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 Toy Story Fanatic
Posts: 4148
  
Location: Oregon | In the last 9 yrs I have had my Dad live with me-he passed away 4 yrs ago after cancer and I was his caretaker. My Grandmother moved in right after he passed, she just passed away in my home on Sept 29,2014. NOW my Mom wants to move in.
Let me give you a little background. My Mom left when I was 5 yrs old. My Dad raised us 3 kids. I saw her a handful of times growing up till she moved back here when I was 17. She currently lives with a boyfriend who she talks badly about even tho she refuses to pay anything to support the household. He pays everything. I am stalling bigtime on letting her move in here. I just see a repeat of what she is doing to her boyfriend. I am 11 yrs from retiring and do not want to spend my money to support her. I grew up around my Dad and even lived with my Grandma for a year in addition to her always taking me with her. I do not regret taking care of them.
Now I do see her and talk to her all the time now but she is so negative it makes me crazy. Always something bad to say about someone. There are3 of us she left with my Dad-ages 5,3, and 1. She also had 2 more with 2 different guys-she kept my other brother and sister. I know I get to be the "lucky" one, I use that term loosely because I am here by myself and everyone else has children at home who she complains about but I am not at being the winner.
Sorry have to vent and know I have to have a discussion with her but I cannot post this on FB and no one in my family is on BHW.
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 Don't Wanna Make This Awkward
Posts: 3106
Location: Texas | Tell her she needs to show some responsibility and learn to be more positive(maybe see a counselor?) before you will even "consider" letting her move. I would want to see major changes for atleast 3 months and if she goes back to her old bad habits tell her she's out. |
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 A Barrel Of Monkeys
Posts: 12972
 
Location: Texas | Save your sanity and tell her you are enjoying your solitude after being a caregiver for so long. |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| I don't think just because someone is a blood relative you are obligated to ignore bad behavior that has gone on for years. I would not let her move in if I were in your position. Hugs. |
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 I Chore in Chucks
Posts: 2882
Location: MD | Fun2Run nailed it.
if she moves in the negativity is going to set in and it's going to make you miserable. If you think the conversation to not let her move in is tough, could you imagine a conversation to kick her out? |
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 Veteran
Posts: 287
| Agree with all the above. You are not obligated and don't "owe" her anything. You do owe YOU happiness. You did a great service to your dad and Grandma and also have paid your dues if your close to retirement. So tell your mother that you need to recover after caring for your dying relatives. Good luck and be strong |
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 Lived to tell about it and will never do it again
Posts: 5408
| Just say NO, you don't owe her any explanations. |
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 Quarter Horse HIstorian
Posts: 2878
Location: Aubrey, Texas | Stay strong and take care of yourself. You need time to yourself to deal with losing your dad and then grandmother. Say a little prayer for protection whenever you have to deal with her. Hugs! |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | Stand Strong and DO NOT let her guilt you into letting her move in! Just don't.
She was selfish and put her needs first when she left you guys as kids. She continues to be selfish now by expecting the child she basically abandoned to now turn around and support HER.
She is not a medical need with no where to go. She is hoping to use your strong sense of family and compassionate nature to get what she wants. Please don't let her.
You are so wonderful for having sacrificed and cared for your close family members when they needed you most. Take this time now to live for yourself. You truly deserve it! |
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I'm Over It!!
Posts: 2830
| You have no responsibility to this woman. The fact that she is your mother is and was out of your control. She is using it to guilt you into taking care of her. You aren't even required to give her an explanation. I'm sure she didn't give you one covering why she didn't take care of you. Tell her no and walk away.
And don't expect anyone who has never been in this position to understand. I have and you will receive the "I can't believe you would do this. After all she is your mother" responces. That's why I tell most people that I'm an orphan.
Edited by melaself 2015-03-25 8:19 AM
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 Expert
Posts: 2097
Location: Deep South | I agree with everyone else.
Hugs and prayers to you though. You are obviously a kind, compassionate soul. I know it must be hard to tell your family "no." |
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 Good Grief!
Posts: 6343
Location: Cap'n Joan Rotgut.....alberta | no way should you let her move in........she will make you miserable and drag you down with her negativity................
m |
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  Angel in a Sorrel Coat
Posts: 16030
Location: In a happy place | I agree with everyone else. Do not let her move in. I was a caregiver for 18 years and it takes so much out of you. It is time for you to take care of yourself now. Your health is important too. |
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 Hugs to You
Posts: 7550
Location: In The Land of Cotton | I agree with everyone else too. Blood doesn't' make you family. Your personal sanity is more important too.
Just say no. |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Ditto to what the others are saying, you do not have to take her in, this is your home. Tell her shes fine where shes at now. Keep the negative out of your home and you will stay healthy and happy. 
Tell her that shes got other kids that she can go live with. |
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 Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| I think she turned her Mom card in when she left and didn't contribute to raising you. Don't let her move in. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1273
Location: South Dakota | Just say no and stick to it. |
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Quarter Horse HIstorian
Posts: 2878
Location: Aubrey, Texas | Actually, just tell her that WE said no! |
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Owner of a ratting catting machine
Posts: 2258
| cloverleaf - 2015-03-25 11:56 AM
Actually, just tell her that WE said no!
Exactly right!!! |
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 Money Eating Baggage Owner
Posts: 9586
Location: Phoenix | Fun2Run said it best!!! |
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Expert
Posts: 1314
Location: North Central Iowa Land of white frozen grass | Tell her that you will be just like her thinking when you were young and she left you. Pay backs are hell. You do not owe this woman anything. This woman has no feelings for you other than she is a user. |
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Toy Story Fanatic
Posts: 4148
Location: Oregon | Lol. Oh that made me laugh!! Tell her we said no :) :) :) I have had a relationship with her since she came back. But it is not the same as my dad and my grandma. So far I have dodged it and will prob talk with my sister-she did live with her growing up. I get along great with her. Thanks everyone for giving me a place to vent. It can't be Facebook because too much family there.
Edited by squeek 2015-03-25 1:42 PM
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 Ones with the Hotties
Posts: 1451
Location: Centerburg, OH | I would tell her that you need time for yourself. Its high time you did some living. It's not like she is homeless and you are her last hope. (yet) |
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 Sock eating dog owner
Posts: 4553
Location: Where the pavement ends and the West begins Utah |   ![]() It's OK just to say NO.It's you turn to LIVE! |
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 To the Left
Posts: 1865
Location: Florida | Speaking from experience, say no, not once, not twice, but everytime you talk to her. I let my mother move in for a couple of weeks, that turned into 30 years! I finally bought her own home in another state that she liked to spend summers in and told her the agreement is that she does not move back. I know it sounds harsh, but she is so negative that she didn't even catch the true meaning.
Save yourself, you have done your share already.
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Way OT but no where to talk...LONG