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Posts: 1304
 
| This is kinda long, sorry! And no rude comments please! I'm in a serious relationship with someone who does not necessarily like my dog and my dog doesn't like him. He poops and pees and acts out when he comes over and I'm not there, even if my SO tries to bond with him or play with him (trying to make it better). My dog was a rescue and has had a problem with young men (my friends, boyfriend, etc) so he must've had some bad history with one. Now we're at a cross roads because we would like to live together in the future he doesn't really want him and doesn't understand how I can put up with his behavior, but he doesn't understand because my dog is fine otherwise. My SO works hard for what he has so it's understandable that he doesn't want an animal ruining things inside such as carpet, etc once we live together. I want to keep him, obviously, and he does not so we're trying to come to a middle ground. We've contemplated having him outside in the future, bringing him in on occasion, and getting him a buddy for company which I have greatly considered and is the best option we've come up with but he's also only 11/12 lbs and it makes me nervous to have a small dog outside. Not only that, but he's somewhat high maintenance so I'm just not sure about how he would do. We've tried many things to cure my dog of this behavior as well as work on my SO and dog's dynamic and will continue to work on this but in the mean time we're looking at future options in case he doesn't stop. Other than this problem, we get along great and are on the same page! And my dog is well behaved! Any suggestions or options we haven't thought about? I'm thinking the outside option might be best. We have a while until we move in together but we're talking about it now so there's no problems. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 372
| dump him |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| Yea I said no rude comments and that's not gonna happen so further suggestions are welcome. |
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  Shipwrecked and Flat Out Zapped
Posts: 16390
Location: DUMPING CATS AND PIGS IN TEXAS :) | They say if your dog doesn't like your dude, then you should get rid of the dude. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 614
Location: Usually on my horse | I know what I would do. I have several rescue dogs and when I take one in, it is for life, and there are no options but to make the situation work.
I am not sure how you could even consider keeping a dog that size outside. Getting the dog a buddy might help, but then you need to consider another living breathing animal with feelings that you will have to commit to for life. The dog was there first and I think you need to consider that. If you really love that dog, there should be no question as to who will come first. My dogs are "my children". Would you make your children live outside if they did not get along with with your boyfriend ??? |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| Dear Lord. Although he doesn't like him, he wants me to be happy and to come to an agreement. I was searching for advice on possible options, I don't need to be criticized. I'd never consider getting rid of him let alone throw him out into the elements. Although it makes me nervous, I would have him a heated/air conditioned shed and everything I could to make him happy. My dog doesn't like any younger men (20's-30's), none. Does that mean I have to wait til I'm older and gray to invest time into someone? We get along other than the simple fact that my dog acts out and creates a mess when he's around and we're trying to solve it. |
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 Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | First, I wouldn't get rid of the dog., or keep him outside. Second, is there a dog trainer in your area that can observe the behavior? Or work with you guys? Maybe spending more time together will help ease the situation. |
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 Firecracker Dog Lover
Posts: 3175
| Clearly the poor dog was traumatized at some point so this is going to take some time. Have your boyfriend feed your dog at feeding time - the dog will associate him with food and that is a positive. Build up from there. A buddy may help but in the meanwhile your boyfriend is going to have to compromise and give the dog a chance. If he pees when he sees him, he's scared. So the boyfriend needs to pet him, tell him its okay, give him treats, etc. After a while the dog will learn the boyfriend is not a threat. Good luck to you. |
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 Miss Laundry Misshap
Posts: 5271
| Could you have your BF wash his clothes with your laundry soap and wash with your body wash and shampoo to try to make him smell like you?
Does he have any animals that might be threatening to the dog? My mom's cat hates me because I have my dogs scent on me, he hates my dog. Since he's a rescue, you never know what'll trigger them. My mom's dog showed up at my house as a 6 week old pup, we rescued her. She freaks out over red pickup trucks. So obviously whoever dumped her had a red truck. She literally growls and cowers and tries to run the other way around red trucks. She never even notices other trucks. |
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 Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | I believe that in time your dog and boyfriend could get along.
My SO and my Aussie/Pit mix hated each other in the beginning. My lab/chow mix was afraid of him and yelped everytime he tried to pet her. Literally for a whole year this went on! My Aussie/pit would nip at him and put him back in his truck whenever he would pick me up for dates... And she's only about 35-40 pounds soaking wet. And my lab would run and hide. Both of mine are rescues.
After a weekend of ice and snow inside the house with only my SO to feed/care/discipline/ and keep them warm, they all came to terms with each other. My lab will wiggle her whole body when he comes home from work and snarl at him like she's smiling. It's quite the scene to see.
My aussie/pit goes for rides with him around our small place in his pickup and waits for him by the door when he gets home. (But she's my dog when she nips an unknown visitor or brings up dead wild animals like birds and jack rabbits she's caught that need cleaned up.) We love them and have thought about adding another but decided it was best to keep just them for now.
How long has it been since your dog and boyfriend have known each other? If it's not been at least a year, I wouldn't change a thing. I know messes are terrible to clean up, but it isn't your little furbaby's fault. Give him time, he will come around. |
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 Good Grief!
Posts: 6343
Location: Cap'n Joan Rotgut.....alberta | Id keep the dog...i will not ever choose a person over any of my animals.......M |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | Have you tried crate training the dog? That would at least limit any accidents to one area while you are gone.
Also, if the dog is not fixed that will help.
Funny story, my male corgi was intact when I got him. He never had any accidents or marked. When my husband started coming around, I though he had super bad aim in the bathroom- IT ALWAYS SMELLED LIKE PEE. Turns out, the dog took to marking the bathroom right after my (then BF, now husband) would use it. A little snip, snip (of the dog HAHA), and voila, no more marking. Dang dog even peed once in my tub! He was not super keen on my husband since he was taking his mommy away, but he has adjusted. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1392
Location: Central Texas | Since you are not willing to get rid of the guy I say get a crate and have the dog crated when your not home. This way the only thing he is ruining is whatever blankets are in the crates. They will probably, eventually come to terms with each other. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1119
| About a month after my husband and I started dating, he got me a dog. The dog was supposed to be for both of us and was going to be a hunting dog for my husband. That did not work out so well. Chase was absolutely scared to death of my husband for YEARS. I'm not going to say there wasnt' some arguments about the dog and what I should do with him, but eventually my husband started to just ignore the dog (rather than trying to be "friends" or, the opposite, getting angry at everything). Eventually Chase started to just get used to Jared being there without any expectations (good or bad) and he started warming up to my husband. He got to do it on his own terms, which seemed to help a lot. Chase literally went from cowering and hiding every time Jared was around to now looking for him for protection. It was definitely not a fast transition, but well worth it! |
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 Expert
Posts: 1898
| I had a heeler that hated my husband, then boyfriend, when we first started dating. He was not allowed on the couch ever but would try his dangedest to get up between him and I. When my husband would try to hug me or give me a kiss my dog would snarl and growl. He even peed on his leg once, it mortified me but hubby took it in stride. This went on for over a year. It never really concerned my husband and eventually the dog warmed up to him.
These things take time. The boyfriend is going to have to invest some time in the dog plain and simple. And if he has a bad attitude about the dog, the dog is not going to respond favorably to his presence.
I would not get rid of the dog or leave him outside, but I sure wouldn't allow the dog to keep me from forming a partnership with someone I love. You're going to have to put some effort in it and not give up in the first month. |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| Thank you everyone for the suggestions. I will look into possibly a trainer. I have a special treat that only my SO gives him and I'm also looking into getting him some puppy Prozac because I feel that he's very skiddish and that might help. My grandmother has a rescue Bassett that is on it and it's done wonders for her! He is crate trained and is better when I'm home with him but is still scared. One day he'll run and hide and the next he'll lick his hand and lay beside him, but if my boyfriend tries to let him out for me, bond with him, or pet him when I'm not there more times than none he will poop, pee, or freak out like he's never seen him before! I wouldn't get rid of him so let me reassure that to everyone. I think it will take time, I'm just nervous that in that time he's going to destroy things and make matters worse. It makes me feel better to hear that others have went through the same thing and I hope that it gets better! |
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 Stinky Cat Owner
Posts: 4097
Location: Oregon | And this is one of the reasons I am single.   |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| We've only been together around 7 months and I sincerely feel that he's the one for me. I was in a relationship for almost 4 years prior and although this hasn't been as long we're light years ahead and this is just better than anything in the past and I couldn't be happier. Other than this dilemma. I know we can push through it though. |
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 Friendly horse swapper
Posts: 4122
Location: Buffalo, TX | When my long time boyfriend passed away, I took his little jack rat terrier home with me..."Goose" hated me and I couldn't even pick him up without wrapping a towel around him first....it took him awhile, but I knew he was traumatized by the loss and he needed extra attention....it took over a year for him to really warm up to me, but he did and now he's my buddy and no more snapping and biting at me.....I've had him 2 years now and he's a different dog...I think your boyfriend should be tolerant of him and make a big effort to make friends and let your dog warm up to him in his own time...but your boyfriend will have to genuinely love the dog and the dog will know the difference.... |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| Hell he's like this with my guy friends and any other young males he's met (at work, in public, vets) it's not a matter of bein single in my case. I'd probably have to be a lesbian if anything and that ain't happenin. Lol |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 999
Location: Sunny So Cal | Try giving him some calming powder and calming cookies. My friend gives it to her dog for seperation anxiety. I don't see why it wouldn't work in this situation. You would give a tsp of the calming powder in the food. I also like the comment about him feeding the dog everyday. And if you can get a behavior trainer that should help as well. Good luck!
edited because my spelling errors were driving me nuts. I can't handle it when I don't make sense. oh well 
Edited by Cowgirl Kat 2015-04-22 1:24 PM
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | Just give it time.
When you aren't there, I'd tell him to ignore the dog as much as possible. That way he hopefully won't get as upset. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? |
They need more time to adjust to one another. Have the boyfriend feed him as others have suggested. Have him drop a treat to the dog randomly. He can talk in a soothing voice but maybe not pressure the dog or try to hold/pet it unless it comes to him. If you have a tile or non carpeted area/room/hall that you can confine him to with a baby gate when you aren't home...putting puppy pads down...that may prevent carpet damage.
They need more time and he will have to be more patient. Making the little guy live mostly outdoors will not solve the problem. If anything it will cause the dog even more stress and upset. Relationships require compromise...time to start learning that now I guess.
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | One other thing...you said the Boyfriend doesn't like the dog. Trust me...the dog KNOWS that the guy doesn't like him. That is not helping! The boyfriend needs to really be more compassionate here and not take the dog's behavior towards him personally. The dog is scared. He will have to change his attitude towards the dog for the dog to grow to trust him. Hopefully the boyfriend can do that but some men just get an attitude/ego about catering to an animal's needs. I hope that's not the case here.
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Expert
Posts: 1561
| Do you have any archery equipment handy? |
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Friendly horse swapper
Posts: 4122
Location: Buffalo, TX | blccwgl55 - 2015-04-22 1:09 PM Hell he's like this with my guy friends and any other young males he's met (at work, in public, vets) it's not a matter of bein single in my case. I'd probably have to be a lesbian if anything and that ain't happenin. Lol
LOL...I hear ya, but this little dog didn't like women or kids either, and he did finally break over and changed, but like I said, it took over a year...I really though it would never happen...give it time....this is him....friendly little guy...
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Firecracker Dog Lover
Posts: 3175
| Itsme - 2015-04-22 11:48 AM Do you have any archery equipment handy?
Does being a jackwagon come naturally or is it practiced? |
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Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | brlraceaddict - 2015-04-22 1:51 PM Itsme - 2015-04-22 11:48 AM Do you have any archery equipment handy? Does being a jackwagon come naturally or is it practiced?
I don't understand this comment?... What does archery equipment have to do with a dog and a boyfriend who don't get along?...
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 Ms. Marine
Posts: 4641
Location: Texas | Make sure when your SO is with you, you're giving your pup plenty of attention as well. I think it could be a similar situation as when a couple have a baby and the dog gets pushed aside, not intentionally but for obvious reasons. He could be feeling abandoned somewhat. It's just going to take time. |
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 A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Cindy Hamilton - 2015-04-22 1:50 PM blccwgl55 - 2015-04-22 1:09 PM Hell he's like this with my guy friends and any other young males he's met (at work, in public, vets) it's not a matter of bein single in my case. I'd probably have to be a lesbian if anything and that ain't happenin. Lol LOL...I hear ya, but this little dog didn't like women or kids either, and he did finally break over and changed, but like I said, it took over a year...I really though it would never happen...give it time....this is him....friendly little guy...
Awww what a sweet face, LOL
So happy that you didnt give up on him and I'm betting he loves you now.  |
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
| I don't think drugs are the answer for the dog.
Sadly it sounds like your SO is trying to make you choose.
I would suggest to SO to take the dog to a weekend obedience course for beginners and work up to advanced. If SO refuses to do so you know he is trying to control you and the dog is just an excuse.
One other question have you asked SO outright if he even likes dogs? |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | If your dog dont like someone thats a red flag for me, Sorry I trust my dogs instinct they have never been wrong. |
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Firecracker Dog Lover
Posts: 3175
| IRunOnFaith - 2015-04-22 1:09 PM brlraceaddict - 2015-04-22 1:51 PM Itsme - 2015-04-22 11:48 AM Do you have any archery equipment handy? Does being a jackwagon come naturally or is it practiced? I don't understand this comment?... What does archery equipment have to do with a dog and a boyfriend who don't get along?...
You have to read Itsme's comments on the other thread about stupid FB posts and then you will understand. I really should not have dignified its' statement with a response but I simply could not help myself in this instance. |
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Friendly horse swapper
Posts: 4122
Location: Buffalo, TX | Southtxponygirl - 2015-04-22 3:16 PM Cindy Hamilton - 2015-04-22 1:50 PM blccwgl55 - 2015-04-22 1:09 PM Hell he's like this with my guy friends and any other young males he's met (at work, in public, vets) it's not a matter of bein single in my case. I'd probably have to be a lesbian if anything and that ain't happenin. Lol LOL...I hear ya, but this little dog didn't like women or kids either, and he did finally break over and changed, but like I said, it took over a year...I really though it would never happen...give it time....this is him....friendly little guy...
So happy that you didnt give up on him and I'm betting he loves you now.
No, I never gave up on him...I took that picture over a year ago as I was reaching for him because he growled and snapped at me every time....I can pick him up now and he gives kisses and wants to follow me around, so he made a complete turn around, and I like to think he does love me now...lol....I'm glad this picture is in his past, so anything is possible with time, love, and effort... |
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 Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | Southtxponygirl - 2015-04-22 3:34 PM If your dog dont like someone thats a red flag for me, Sorry I trust my dogs instinct they have never been wrong.
Most dogs are really good judges of character. Some have been traumatized or have the type personality that clouds their judgement, so this doesn't always hold true. You have to know your dog. If I had listened to mine like I know I should have, I wouldn't have married my first husband because she hated him at first sight. My real husband she liked the instant she met him. We still had issues when he moved in tho because while she liked him, she didn't respect him as being anything to her. We had to work at that, and she never did really get there. She was MINE and no one else's to the day she died. And then my sister's dog had to go live with our mom when she got married because the poor thing was terrified of loud noises and my BIL is a naturally loud person. She spent all her time hiding when he was around. |
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 Chicken Chick
Posts: 3562
Location: Texas | Three 4 Luck - 2015-04-22 3:52 PM Southtxponygirl - 2015-04-22 3:34 PM If your dog dont like someone thats a red flag for me, Sorry I trust my dogs instinct they have never been wrong. Most dogs are really good judges of character. Some have been traumatized or have the type personality that clouds their judgement, so this doesn't always hold true. You have to know your dog. If I had listened to mine like I know I should have, I wouldn't have married my first husband because she hated him at first sight. My real husband she liked the instant she met him. We still had issues when he moved in tho because while she liked him, she didn't respect him as being anything to her. We had to work at that, and she never did really get there. She was MINE and no one else's to the day she died. And then my sister's dog had to go live with our mom when she got married because the poor thing was terrified of loud noises and my BIL is a naturally loud person. She spent all her time hiding when he was around.
Edited by pinx05 2015-04-23 12:04 AM
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| Thank you for all of the positive responses! I hope the connection between archery equipment and my dog was a twisted joke and wasn't serious..I'll brush it off regardless. I'm so happy to hear all of the success stories and the advice that I simply just haven't thought about yet! I wouldn't normally turn to medication, because I don't for myself, but I know my dog and seeing the change it had for my grandmother's Daisy Duke I'm really wanting to try it. He's scared of everything and shakes a lot, even with me, and I just want him to feel at ease and calm. I'm not opposed to a prescription if it makes him feel better. I'm going to look into those calming cookies as well! I talked to my SO last night and told him how important to me it was to work on their relationship and he was on board. Some things that will be implemented are him not getting him out of the kennel when I'm not there but talking nice to him and giving him a treat through the door every time he comes over, us both petting him more and paying more attention when he's over, me getting a spray bottle for discipline (which works for him) because raising our voices when he misbehaves just makes things worse, he has a vet appt today and I'm going to talk to the vet and see what we can do for him (the medicine my grandmother has only runs at $8/month), we're also going to take him to the dog park and on walks together when we have time, and I also told him to see the positive in my dog so that it translates to him and he won't feel worse so it'll improve his attitude. We're workin on it! |
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| You might look into therapeutic grade essential oils to diffuse in the room while you and your boyfriend are with your dog. They are really nice for anxiety and fear issues and if your boyfriend is trying to hard to make friends with your pup, then it will relax him too. Just a thought. Your little dog is lucky you and your SO are serious about being a family together. Keep us updated and I hope whatever you decide to do works! |
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Chicken Chick
Posts: 3562
Location: Texas | blccwgl55 - 2015-04-23 9:23 AM Thank you for all of the positive responses! I hope the connection between archery equipment and my dog was a twisted joke and wasn't serious..I'll brush it off regardless. I'm so happy to hear all of the success stories and the advice that I simply just haven't thought about yet! I wouldn't normally turn to medication, because I don't for myself, but I know my dog and seeing the change it had for my grandmother's Daisy Duke I'm really wanting to try it. He's scared of everything and shakes a lot, even with me, and I just want him to feel at ease and calm. I'm not opposed to a prescription if it makes him feel better. I'm going to look into those calming cookies as well! I talked to my SO last night and told him how important to me it was to work on their relationship and he was on board. Some things that will be implemented are him not getting him out of the kennel when I'm not there but talking nice to him and giving him a treat through the door every time he comes over, us both petting him more and paying more attention when he's over, me getting a spray bottle for discipline (which works for him) because raising our voices when he misbehaves just makes things worse, he has a vet appt today and I'm going to talk to the vet and see what we can do for him (the medicine my grandmother has only runs at $8/month), we're also going to take him to the dog park and on walks together when we have time, and I also told him to see the positive in my dog so that it translates to him and he won't feel worse so it'll improve his attitude. We're workin on it!
I would just have your boyfriend ignore the dog. That is what my husband does with my dogs and they all get along swell lol. He doesn't have to mess with them, they don't beg him to pet them, they don't stare at him when they need to go potty lol. They don't sleep and fart all night on his side of the bed lol. |
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 Expert
Posts: 3782
Location: Gainesville, TX | I think you have gotten some great advice. Use your crate training more efficiently. Definitely get some help with the trainer. Have the boyfriend be more interactive. If he works with the dog maybe on some tricks or something and starts to see him as 'source of food and love' he will probably get better. It takes time. That said. My sister has some small dogs that do great outside for a good portion of the day. They bring them inside at night and put them in their crates. They all have long hair though. I'm not sure if your dog does or not. So long as you have a yard of some type, I really don't see the issue. I'm not sure another dog would help though. I would think that just might be one more distraction for what sounds like a sensitive animal anyway. |
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Friendly horse swapper
Posts: 4122
Location: Buffalo, TX | I should have mentioned that I put a drop of Star of Bethlehem Bach Remedy on each ear...you can also use Rescue Remedy or any other oil you think might work better for his circumstance. I use Bach Remedies on my horses, so it probably contributed to this little dog's change. |
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Expert
Posts: 3815
Location: The best kept secret in TX | brlraceaddict - 2015-04-22 3:37 PM IRunOnFaith - 2015-04-22 1:09 PM brlraceaddict - 2015-04-22 1:51 PM Itsme - 2015-04-22 11:48 AM Do you have any archery equipment handy? Does being a jackwagon come naturally or is it practiced? I don't understand this comment?... What does archery equipment have to do with a dog and a boyfriend who don't get along?...
Oh, alrighty. I didn't read that thread... Looks like I missed a lot... |
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 A very grounded girl
Posts: 5052
Location: Moving soon..... | Your story needs help from Cesar Millan. You never know, you could possible be on TV with your dog story. www.cesarsway.com |
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 I Chore in Chucks
Posts: 2882
Location: MD | brlraceaddict - 2015-04-22 1:26 PM
Clearly the poor dog was traumatized at some point so this is going to take some time. Have your boyfriend feed your dog at feeding time - the dog will associate him with food and that is a positive. Build up from there. A buddy may help but in the meanwhile your boyfriend is going to have to compromise and give the dog a chance. If he pees when he sees him, he's scared. So the boyfriend needs to pet him, tell him its okay, give him treats, etc. After a while the dog will learn the boyfriend is not a threat. Good luck to you.
that.
I would also consult in a professional to help with your situation. Dog was clearly traumatized if he doesn't like men like that. If I were you I would make it a priority to help him grow from whatever past he's had by having your SO do things like having him feed him, treat him, take him potty, maybe go on a drive or play a fun game your dog loves. Hopefully your dog will figure it out and accept him into his life.
Edited to fix my very long run-on sentence.
Edited by Crowned Image 2015-04-23 1:23 PM
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | Call Cesar 911 and talk to him about this I bet he would love to help you out. |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| Thanks everyone! I talked to the vet yesterday and we started him on a small dose of basically Xanax. It'll take a while to see if it helps. Last night he was shaky around my boyfriend but we petted him and he gave him treats after he'd do his tricks and that seemed to help. Then he patted his leg and my dog jumped up on the couch to get close to him, he also licked his hand, so I think we're moving in the right direction!!  |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| I'd love to get Cesar Milan but I can't figure out where to find out how to on his dang website?!? Lol |
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A Somebody to Everybody
Posts: 41354
Location: Under The Big Sky Of Texas | I googled contacts for Cesar 911 there is a form that you can fill out, its customer service.. I'll see if I can load it on here for you.
Well heck I cant get it to load..
Edited by Southtxponygirl 2015-04-24 11:08 AM
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A very grounded girl
Posts: 5052
Location: Moving soon..... | There are casting for the show now! Here is the link: http://www.cesar911.com/casting |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| Thank you guys! I'm gonna try applying. I don't necessarily care about being on TV but if that's what I have to do to get his help I'll do it! |
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 ...Dot Dot Dot...
Posts: 2062
Location: SW New Mexico | If my dogs didn't like a boyfriend...or anyone for that matter... there was a darn good reason...
Of course, when I was younger, I didn't listen.. >:(
Now I'm older.. you bet I listen.. My dog loves me unconditionally!! Boyfriends ... not so much..
If only I'd listened to my dogs on my first 2 marriages!!
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 To the Left
Posts: 1865
Location: Florida | If your dog doesn't like him, you are making a mistake. He is bad news. |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| If you would've read previously, my dog doesn't like any young man he has met (coworkers, friends, veterinarians, etc). |
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Expert
Posts: 1304
| He likes someone one day and dislikes them the next like he had never met them before. We're workin on it. |
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 Toastest with the Mostest
Posts: 5712
Location: That part of Texas | Only thing that I can say is you might want to rethink having the boyfriend feed treats through the crate door right now. If you are making the crate a "safe" place for the dog, having the boyfriend force interaction when he can't leave the crate might take away from that. If the crate is the dog's space, I'd keep any interaction away from there so he always has a safe place in his mind to escape to. |
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