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 Veteran
Posts: 262
 
| My husband wants me to sell my Barrel Horse or stop Barrel racing. I have 2 toddlers and I work from home. They go to daycare during the day and I use my lunch hour to ride my horse. I compete at most one day out of the weekend and usually it's 2-3 Sundays a month. He says this keeps me from being a good mother and wife. I am the primary caregiver of our kids. They go everywhere with me except for doubleheaders and those times they are with my mom other family member. He doesn't care for the kids if I'm not there. I had Horses when we met and have competeted off and on and at one point before kids. I gave up Horses for 3 years so we could put money into the house and build a barn. Now he says everything's changed. I need to grow up and get my head out of the clouds. We argue about this constantly. The arguements get nasty. Nothing physical. We've tried and given up on marriage counseling. I love him but I'm apprehensive when he and I are in the same room. I don't know what to do. Any advice? |
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The Advice Guru
Posts: 6419
 
| Sounds like he is emotionally abusive and controlling, read up on all the signs of domestic abuse.
Hugs |
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  Warmblood with Wings
Posts: 27846
 
Location: Florida.. | tell him no and just walk away . dont argue.. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1304
| Does he have a hobby or something that he's passionate about? If not, he should get one because everyone should in my opinion and if so, you'd think he'd understand some.. Having a family is busy busy busy but that doesn't mean you have to completely give up doing things for you. I'm not married and haven't been but prayers and hugs for you  |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 669
Location: Central Texas | Canchsr5 - 2015-06-25 9:21 AM
My husband wants me to sell my Barrel Horse or stop Barrel racing. I have 2 toddlers and I work from home. They go to daycare during the day and I use my lunch hour to ride my horse. I compete at most one day out of the weekend and usually it's 2-3 Sundays a month. He says this keeps me from being a good mother and wife. I am the primary caregiver of our kids. They go everywhere with me except for doubleheaders and those times they are with my mom other family member. He doesn't care for the kids if I'm not there. I had Horses when we met and have competeted off and on and at one point before kids. I gave up Horses for 3 years so we could put money into the house and build a barn. Now he says everything's changed. I need to grow up and get my head out of the clouds. We argue about this constantly. The arguements get nasty. Nothing physical. We've tried and given up on marriage counseling. I love him but I'm apprehensive when he and I are in the same room. I don't know what to do. Any advice?
I am so sorry and forgive me for being brutally honest here. You know what you have to do and if you need validation for doing it, you got it. Hope it all works out happily for you and your children. |
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Member
Posts: 30
Location: Indiana | Don't let him bring you down. If you give up everything for him and what he wants, you will really start to dislike him. If you give up Barrel Racing, then he will probably find something elese that he wants you to give up. What have you ask him to give up? I don't know why spouses always want to change you, when they already knew that you liked something when they met you and dated you. I would like to know why it always has to be about Control! I have lived this!
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 Whack and Roll
Posts: 6342
Location: NE Texas | Bibliafarm - 2015-06-25 9:25 AM tell him no and just walk away . dont argue..
I agree with Bibs ^^^. Give him the facts, and don't engage in any argument. The end. If he gets loud and yells, just walk away. |
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 Expert
Posts: 2128
| The only reason you would need to limit doing something you LOVE is if it were straining your family finacially, or causing you to miss out on important things with your husband/kids. Other than that I would not stop. A husband should be supportive of your hobbies. It def sounds like you take care of your children. Why would he want to see you stop doing what makes you happy? Is he needing attention from you? Will he compromise? Maybe go to some races and hang out with you? You shouldnt have to quit. He shouldnt expect you to if he cares for your happiness. Wishing you all the best. |
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 Hog Tie My Mojo
Posts: 4847
Location: Opelousas, LA | Canchsr5 - 2015-06-25 9:21 AM My husband wants me to sell my Barrel Horse or stop Barrel racing. I have 2 toddlers and I work from home. They go to daycare during the day and I use my lunch hour to ride my horse. I compete at most one day out of the weekend and usually it's 2-3 Sundays a month. He says this keeps me from being a good mother and wife. I am the primary caregiver of our kids. They go everywhere with me except for doubleheaders and those times they are with my mom other family member. He doesn't care for the kids if I'm not there. I had Horses when we met and have competeted off and on and at one point before kids. I gave up Horses for 3 years so we could put money into the house and build a barn. Now he says everything's changed. I need to grow up and get my head out of the clouds. We argue about this constantly. The arguements get nasty. Nothing physical. We've tried and given up on marriage counseling. I love him but I'm apprehensive when he and I are in the same room. I don't know what to do. Any advice?
Those two things would be absolute deal beakers for me, JMHO. Say you give up your horse, it will be something else a few months later. It is not the horses he has a problem with, he is being a controlling jerk. I am sad for you, I don't know your situation but I know you deserve to be treated better and not be apprehensive about being in the same room with the man you should feel safe with.
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 Veteran
Posts: 138
Location: MS | I've never been in your situation so I can't say what I'd do for sure. BUT the statement "He doesn't care for the kids if I'm not there" would be enough for me to be gone. I agree that he sounds emotionally abusive and controlling. Also, you saying you are apprehensive when in the same room with him tells me you feel he could be physically abusive, he just hasn't gone there yet.
I have one toddler and ride/barrel race. I could never imagine my husband saying anything like that to me.
Prayers for you and your children. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1857
| Which can you live without more?
From what your post says, I personally would tell him to start kicking rocks! The biggest red flag is not that he wants you to stop barrel racing, but the fact that he doesn't take care of his own children, maybe monetarily but you made it sound like not emotionally at all!
To play devils advocate for a moment: Maybe he is threatened by the time you spend with the horses rather than him. He wants more of your attention. Men are big baby's, they need to be reassured often to feel like the are worthy. Are you giving your relationship as much attention as you are giving the horses and barrel racing? Do you keep the kids because you are afraid to ask him to, and he doesn't offer? Men are very poor at reading minds!
Edited by FlyingJT 2015-06-25 11:04 AM
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 Midget Lover
Location: Kentucky | Holy insecurity issues.
Edited by Murphy 2015-06-25 9:45 AM
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I just read the headlines
Posts: 4483
| blccwgl55 - 2015-06-25 9:27 AM
Does he have a hobby or something that he's passionate about? If not, he should get one because everyone should in my opinion and if so, you'd think he'd understand some.. Having a family is busy busy busy but that doesn't mean you have to completely give up doing things for you. I'm not married and haven't been but prayers and hugs for you
I am married with 2 grown children and I could not agree more with the above! Everyone needs a hobby/passion for something. Don't let him take this away from you. Encourage him to develop a hobby. Sounds like he needs one. All the happy people I know have hobbies. My dad is 84 and LOVES hay season. He is happiest on his tractors. That is his hobby. My husband loves watching sports and his cows. I pray ya'll can work it out. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 929
| Wow. I am so sorry for you being in this situation. I also agree to not argue...just walk away. It does not sound as if he is a happy person, IMO- not caring for his own children and wanting to take your happiness away. Especially if he knew you did this before you got married and had kids. I hope that you come to some amicable resolution for both yourself and your children. |
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 Shelter Dog Lover
Posts: 10277
| Murphy - 2015-06-25 9:45 AM Holy insecurity issues.
Agree, as a mom of 4 kids all a year apart mind you, my husband kept them on weekends while I worked to help pay bills, he also did the laundry and had dinner on the table. We did not have horses back then, did not get into horses till the girls were older. I ride now, finances are great, last year I was at D&D, Caldwell saddles was there, sent him a text I wanted to try a saddle, would be around 5K if that was OK- his response- if it makes you happy and you like it buy it. You can do better, there are men out there like mine. If you are not putting financial strain on the family, I see no reason to give up what you love. Some of the best advice I got about parenting was do a litte something for yourself everyday- your something is horses.
Why in the heck does he not think he has to help with the children? My husband wanted to, he wanted to be hands on. Sounds like your husband wants a stepford wife and came to the marriage thinking that he was the soul decision maker. Why does he feel the need to control you and keep you in the house is the bigger question. I am sorry you are going through this, especially with the kids, I am sure it is so difficult to think about breaking up a family but it does not sound like it would be much different for you if he were living somewhere else. The issue is not about horses but his lack of support for you. |
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 Accident Prone
Posts: 22277
Location: 100 miles from Nowhere, AR | I think of it like this. Would you want your children to grow up and give up all they are and all they love to do to be slaves to spouse and kids? I don't know anyone who would answer yes to that question. Martyring oneself doesn't lead to happiness for anyone involved. Most girls I know willingly slow down on their hobbies to make time for their families, but to give it up completely? No way.
It sounds like there is a lot more going on here than your barrel racing a few times a month. |
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 Jr. Detective
Location: Beggs, OK | Three 4 Luck - 2015-06-25 10:10 AM I think of it like this. Would you want your children to grow up and give up all they are and all they love to do to be slaves to spouse and kids? I don't know anyone who would answer yes to that question. Martyring oneself doesn't lead to happiness for anyone involved. Most girls I know willingly slow down on their hobbies to make time for their families, but to give it up completely? No way.
It sounds like there is a lot more going on here than your barrel racing a few times a month.
Exactly. I HAD a husband like that, only worse. Eventually you figure out that it's not about horses or whether supper was ready when he wanted it or whether his laundry was done....it's all about CONTROL. He is unhappy and if you didn't have horses and had knitting as a hobby, he would tell you that yarn was too expensive.
You can't live with or love someone who doesn't love themselves or see the value in their own wife and children. I left because I couldn't stand the thought of my daughter thinking that this behavior was tolerable. |
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 Extreme Veteran
Posts: 425
Location: California | Nobody tells me to give up my animals.... they were my first love & will be my last. I've had horses & such through loss, heartbreak, depression and the works. I would not trade it for the world. Honestly, if someone told me I ever had to give up any of my animals (which I don't have kids so they are my kids), I would give that person an ultimatum. I don't need that kind of person. To me, there's no "me or the horse" its just, "or the horse"
I understand you have started a family with this person, but remember WHO YOU ARE. & don't let ANYONE ever take that away from you. You already gave up the horses for 3 years... why should you have to continue doing that? & you can't force someone to change. He may be like this for the rest of his life. Sorry if I am coming off rude. My animals are my kids. |
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 Damn Yankee
Posts: 12390
Location: Somewhere between raising hell and Amazing Grace | Hugs lady.....that's not fair. My husband was never around horses prior to meeting me. He is now my farrier..... |
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Location: NE Texas | Life is too short to not pursue your passion. If this IS your passion, which is seems to be, a good partner would be supportive and try to find every possible way to encourage you (build you up). Doesn't sound like he's a good partner if he's not helping "care for the kids when you're not around". You can't change the spots on a spotted donkey...... I would be having a very serious conversation w/out it being heated...remain calm and try your best to not engage if it starts getting ugly. I'm not saying to leave him, but there has to be some common ground. Good luck! |
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Industrial Srength Barrel Racer
Posts: 7268
| He sounds like a bully. I am sorry for your situation. Big hugs. |
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 Looking for Lady Jockey
Posts: 3747
Location: Rodeos or Baseball games | Griz - 2015-06-25 10:16 AM
He sounds like a bully. I am sorry for your situation. Big hugs.
Agree with Griz. Sending hugs.  |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 629
| Some of the best advice I got about parenting was do a litte something for yourself everyday- your something is horses.
 Completely agree. I do not have kids, (so take this advice as you see fit) but I am married. When the topic of kids comes up with family, we say, we are thoroughly thinking it through before making a decision.
I firmly believe 2 things about marriage and kids. Your spouse should never be prioritized below any children. (Of course, assuming you have a stable marriage - if there is any kind of abuse, this does not apply) You should never prioritize yourself below your children or your spouse.
Having kids, and a life, and a spouse is a juggling act. There are days the kids take up more time than anything. There are days it should be the spouse. There are days you HAVE to put you first.
You cannot be the best wife, mom, employee, daughter if you don't do something for yourself to keep you happy. |
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 Witty Enough
Posts: 2954
Location: CTX | Wow, sounds like he wants more control over you. You say you ride during lunch, and go to a handful races a month. So really you only take time "away" from your family on those Sundays....
IMO I would seriously rethink your relationship with him. He might not be physically abusive right now, but he might get there soon....
The fact that he does not take care of the kids when you are out is a huge nono for me. They are his kids also, and he needs to take responsibility.... we are not living in the 1800's anymore....
Does he have an issue with you going out with girlfriends (like lunch, or a movie or something) if so, major red flag...
My husband was not in horses at all. But now he helps feed them, goes to races with me, brushes them before I need to run. And also video's all my runs (and those of friends when they don't have anybody available).
He is very supportive of me, and I know I am very lucky in that, because there are not a whole lot of hubbies tagging along all the time...
Now I know we don't have kids together, but I know with his kids he was hands on.
I would not give up your sanity (which it is for me....) for anybody. But maybe he can find a hobby of his own to focus on.
Hope it all works out for you. Good luck and be strong! |
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 Sock eating dog owner
Posts: 4557
Location: Where the pavement ends and the West begins Utah | Divorce $ 20 at court house. Put for sale out front of house. Split the difference. Not worth walking on egg shells for the rest of your life. You will learn to hate and every MALE that walks this earth. Now is never too late. Love him from a distance. Hugs. |
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Sock eating dog owner
Posts: 4557
Location: Where the pavement ends and the West begins Utah | Divorce $ 20 at court house. Put for sale out front of house. Split the difference. Not worth walking on egg shells for the rest of your life. You will learn to hate and every MALE that walks this earth. Now is never too late. Love him from a distance. Hugs. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 628
Location: Missouri | My bf jokes about it from time to time but if he ever told me to give up my horses, BUH BYE! Kids or no kids. I've seen women be controlled by men and I will NOT have it. Take me for me or get out the door I can have another guy in no time.
I would seriously consider your relationship. Why be with someone who doesn't support you in ALL that you do! Girl I think it's time to sit yourself down and contemplate your life and your decisions. At the end of the day you are your #1 ( and of course your kids) but you should be able to enjoy your life. Prayers and be strong. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 1182
Location: Do I hear Banjos? | You say you work from home...is that your preference? Have you always had a job in the home? I ask because a man like this one is trying to isolate and control the woman. If your only social interaction with friends outside of family is the barrel races...I suspect THAT may be the real issue for him. Whatever his motive...it's WRONG.
If he isn't even being "burdened" with the care of the children when you are at a race...what is he doing? He should WANT to care for the kids part of that time. The fact that he doesn't really bothers me.
Are you apprehensive around him because you just don't want to argue any more...or do you fear he could get physical? If it's the latter...you need to seriously talk with your family to let them know your concerns so they are there to support you.
There is no reason you cannot be an awesome mom and wife while keeping your hobby. It sounds to me like he needs to look in the mirror and think about what he needs to do to be a better husband and father. |
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Nut Case Expert
Posts: 9305
Location: Tulsa, Ok | There is something seriously wrong with an individual that is threatened by an animal. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 597
| Here's my advice; if you don't put yourself first NO ONE ever will.
We teach people how to treat us, whether that treatment is good or bad is up to us. You don't have to be a diva, you don't have to be a princess, but having a horse and going to a few jackpots is not diva treatment!!! Be very careful not to let go of too much, once you lose it (whatever "it" may be) it's difficult to get it back. Good luck girl, I'm sorry you're in this situation. |
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 Expert
Posts: 1395
Location: Missouri | TrailGirl - 2015-06-25 2:05 PM
You say you work from home...is that your preference? Have you always had a job in the home? I ask because a man like this one is trying to isolate and control the woman. If your only social interaction with friends outside of family is the barrel races...I suspect THAT may be the real issue for him. Whatever his motive...it's WRONG.
If he isn't even being "burdened" with the care of the children when you are at a race...what is he doing? He should WANT to care for the kids part of that time. The fact that he doesn't really bothers me.
Are you apprehensive around him because you just don't want to argue any more...or do you fear he could get physical? If it's the latter...you need to seriously talk with your family to let them know your concerns so they are there to support you.
There is no reason you cannot be an awesome mom and wife while keeping your hobby. It sounds to me like he needs to look in the mirror and think about what he needs to do to be a better husband and father.
This was my first thought, also. Big hugs and prayers to you, OP. |
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Red Bull Agressive
Posts: 5981
Location: North Dakota | I'd say throw him a big ol' F U. But that's just me. Of course I don't know him or your situation, and I'm sure he has some good qualities, but from your post he sounds like a lazy, insecure a$$hole. The fact that he won't even care for his own children when alone with them is highly alarming. Him making unreasonable demands for you to get rid of the horses or stop competing would be enough for me to leave. If it were ME I would give him an ultimatum. Either he starts pulling his weight and shuts up about the horses, or you leave. That's just me. Only you can know what's right for you.
Edited by cavyrunsbarrels 2015-06-25 8:53 PM
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 My Heart Be Happy
Posts: 9159
Location: Arkansas | A lot of what I was going to say has already been said. So I'll just say I'm sorry you're going thru this and prayers for you and your children. |
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 Take a Picture
Posts: 12841
| I married a man that was very controlling. He made me quit riding. At that time I was the one to beat around here. My wonderful horse went to waste in the pasture. My husband became very ill and died after a 5 year illness where i had complete care of him. I really do not think he ever appreciated what i did. This is a whole other story but I had to wait at the police station for about 3 hours and was trying to find something to read. The only thing I could find was a pamphlet about spouse abuse. As I read the pamphlet I realized that was me. Wow.
After 15 years of not ridding, I just can't ride anymore so I went to a clinic at Josey's. I know everyone there and used to compete against all of them. One of the ladies asked me why I had not ridden in so long. Another one answered that my husband would not let me ride. I was so surprised that everyone knew.
You need to encourage your husband to get some counseling. This is only going to get worse until you resent everything about your husband. It does not contribute to a healthy relationship. |
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Veteran
Posts: 225
Location: Montgomery TX | Honey, I have been in your shoes! There are so many people praying for you and your family. I love the support we can get from our board buddies.
I was married to a man very similar to how you are describing your husband. In my case, I sold the horses and everything associated with them. It did not help, not one bit! There was always something that he found to gripe about, eventually he became physically abusive also. Not saying your husband will, but mine did. I took my kids and left. Fast forward 12 years, I am now in a position to start riding and hauling again. I'm not competitive by any means! LOL But I'm happier and more care free than I have been in a very long time. I'm in a relationship with a wonderful man who will shove me out the door to the barn when I'm grumpy, he knows it relaxes me and I'll come back in the house in a much better mood. He has his motorcycles, fishing and hunting and I have my pony and we're both happy with that.
Whatever you do, be safe and know we are praying for you. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 316
| I have been there with no children (not married) Asked for how long I am going to be doing this and would get angry and jealous when I went every weekend. Now my S.O. jokes about how horses are my first priority over him because he knows how much they mean to me and he says they are important to him just due to the fact that they mean so much to me and knows that where ever we may end up living that my horses are always coming with
Mind you neither were horse people before we met |
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 Chicken Chick
Posts: 3562
Location: Texas | wild_west - 2015-06-25 6:56 PM
Here's my advice; if you don't put yourself first NO ONE ever will.
We teach people how to treat us, whether that treatment is good or bad is up to us. You don't have to be a diva, you don't have to be a princess, but having a horse and going to a few jackpots is not diva treatment!!! Be very careful not to let go of too much, once you lose it (whatever "it" may be) it's difficult to get it back. Good luck girl, I'm sorry you're in this situation.
I agree.
My husband wanted me to sell my horses for financial reasons, and I was pregnant, couldn't continue working where I was because I was pregnant yada yada. I did end up selling them, and even though it was the right thing to do at the time for our family I still kind of resent it. Some days I have pity party days and I feel like I will never have horses again.
I was also the person that would give up any extras so we could afford this, or we could pay that off faster. Meanwhile money was being blown by everyone but me. So I finally got fed up, husband got a good raise and I am doing the things I always wanted to do but never wanted to spend the money. Husband made a comment a few weeks ago about how high maintenance I have become in the last few months. I said "Well I am tired of doing without and still getting no where. Now I am doing the things I have always wanted to do." His answer "About time." lol He is the type that will blow money and not bat an eye (as long as bills are paid), I was trying to off set his spending habits by not spending any myself. So now we both blow money and I am having a heck of a time lol. Can't take it with us lol. |
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 Friendly horse swapper
Posts: 4122
Location: Buffalo, TX | I have been a victim of a bully and control freak....NEVER AGAIN....I haven't been in a relationship for a long time for this very reason, and I can tell the women who have supportive SO's and spouses to cherish that relationship...and I can also tell the ones in daily arguments and walking on eggshells to get out now, life is too short....like Dr. Phil says..."Id rather be happy and alone than sick with someone else"...and I hate to tell you it is a sick relationship that will destroy your self worth over time....he does not value you at all, so please value yourself, plus your kids are seeing him as a sick role model and it will affect their relationships seeing your dysfunstional one and how you respond......
another thing is that if you stay long enough and then leave, you will actually experience symptoms of PTSD...the relief of finally having some peace in your life and being able to make your own choices is so overwhelming that it takes a lot of time to get used to, and only those who have been there will know what I'm talking about...hugs!!! |
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 Dog Rescue Hero
Posts: 1660
Location: Oklahoma City OK | This issue resonates with me....I've never understood why someone who supposedly loves you, wants you to give up or deny you something that makes you happy. Just doesn't make sense..... |
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 Serious Snap Trapper
Posts: 4275
Location: In The Snow, AZ | So very sorry for your situation. No advice....
But this just is a grand reminder of how blessed I am. My husband never liked horses. But as a stay at home mama, he is our familys sole provider. And he HAPPILY pays for my horses, surprises me with saddles and tack. Encourages me to attend races. Hauls us to them. Helps brush and saddle with me and cheers me on. He is my biggest SUPPORTER. As a husband and partner should be. But I know he is AMAZING. I couldn't handle being with someone who wanted to control what I did. Thank you for reminding me of how truly blessed I am. |
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 Elite Veteran
Posts: 600
Location: Oklahoma & Texas | My husband isn't into the horses... there was a time at the beginning of our marrige (now married almost 11 years) that i gave up hauling and training all the time and focused on my career and our lives... i never sold the 2 horses i had left and just had nice pasture ornaments that occasionally got rode... then after about 3 years of that i got tired of not doing the one thing i loved so much... and i just started easing it back into my life now i have a whole herd again and a big rig to haul with and a couple broodmares even lol... he was never against the horses.. he just got jealous of time spent out there or we were busy doing other things... occasionally now he will make comments like i like the horses more than him lol or the dogs.. lol.. i usually respond with - and you're just now realizing this? LOL.. seriously..you have to draw the line at some pt.. you have every right to be happy as well. your hopes and dreams are no less important than his.. and if this is what makes you happy - he needs to stand back and let you do your thing.. im not saying he's going to be sitting in the stands watching your runs... mine never hardly goes... but when its time for you to feed em or go ride - he needs to get over it... i sort of encouraged mine to get hobbies of his own - which was hard b/c he's kind of a home body but i got him a membership for his bday for the gun club/skeet club and then he also decided he wanted a harley - i was all for it.... then its hard for them to justify the money/time spent on the horses when they have their own "hobbies" too.. whenever he complains about the feed bill i remind him about the harley payment or the harley insurance or whatever lol... fair trade right! But its also not a pt of tension for us because of it!
Remember too with your kids you are their example - and do you want them seeing/growing up knowing that its ok to give up the things you love or be bullied by your partner... i totally agree if its financial there's no question i would cut back too but if its just for the sake of making him happy b/c he just doesn't understand - no way.. he knew what he was getting into when he married you and your dreams are no less important now. |
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Take a Picture
Posts: 12841
| I went to a barrel race tonight and here comes a guy with a baby stroller. He stopped at the bottom of the steps. Unbuckled the baby, went upstairs to sign the wife up. You could tell that he knew what he was doing so this was not his first time. I immediately thought of this post. |
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 Three in a Bikini
Posts: 2035
| If it were me...
I would take into consideration the cost of this hobby. Most importantly, who is paying for these fun filled weekends?
If it is 100% all on you then I would not give it a second thought. Poopoo on him for behaving that way.
But if he is footing the bill then maybe it is time to rethink your priorities.
Take care of yourself first. If this is your thing then take control of the situation and let him know you can do ith WITH or WITHOUT him. |
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Elite Veteran
Posts: 926
| I am so sorry that you as a horse lover/addict is in this position. I told my husband, who was an animal lover, but not a horse addict, before we were married....if you find that I need to chose between you and the horse, I'll understand, I'll help you pack, and we can always be friends. He jokes about it, is my video guy at the barrel races, and we will celbrate our 40th anniversary this year.
While this may not solve your issues, I hope that for others it will encourage them to be honest about their equine addiction. Help him understand you love him, and your children, however you have this life long addiction/love of equines.
It sounds harsh, but you'll be much happier in the long term with your equines, than without them.
Good luck.
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Veteran
Posts: 262
| Thank you everyone for the overwhelming responses and encouragement. I also enjoyed reading about the lucky ones who have supportive spouses. It gives me hope. I have encouraged him to get a hobby. He has done some golfing but thats it. It is not strapping us for me to Barrel race. As a matter of fact we separated our accounts a few months ago so I give him my portion for bills. He makes more money than I do and doesnt even need my portion. At this point our arguments are getting more frequent and I'm seriously considering packing our things and leaving. I'm almost there but it's scary. I just don't want to make the wrong choice for my kids. But something has to change. We can't go on like this. It's a rough place to be in. I have support from my family and close friends but it's still scary. Do I leave or stay. It's a constant question. |
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Extreme Veteran
Posts: 512
| Canchsr5 - 2015-07-07 3:35 PM
Thank you everyone for the overwhelming responses and encouragement. I also enjoyed reading about the lucky ones who have supportive spouses. It gives me hope. I have encouraged him to get a hobby. He has done some golfing but thats it. It is not strapping us for me to Barrel race. As a matter of fact we separated our accounts a few months ago so I give him my portion for bills. He makes more money than I do and doesnt even need my portion. At this point our arguments are getting more frequent and I'm seriously considering packing our things and leaving. I'm almost there but it's scary. I just don't want to make the wrong choice for my kids. But something has to change. We can't go on like this. It's a rough place to be in. I have support from my family and close friends but it's still scary. Do I leave or stay. It's a constant question.
Praying for you.
Was in a similar situation a few months ago (not as drastic) but things have really improved with the help of the good Lord, prayers, and time. Plus standing up for myself!
Edited to say: Even if you are spending his money and you are staying home caring for the little ones. Does he know how much it would cost to pay for full time day care? Someone to come clean? Cook? And take care of everything? You can probably google this, but a guy had calculated how much his wife was making as a stay at home mom and it was a significant amount of money. I will try to find the article. Anyhow, your job is SO important and we, as mom's deserve time to pursue dreams. I constantly battle guilt, but we shouldn't! We want our children to experience and see us pursuing things we are passionate about. I want my son to have passion, fire, goals, and dreams!
Here is the article: http://www.weareglory.com/blog/fathers-you-cant-afford-a-stay-at-ho...
Edited by Blueridgedreaming 2015-07-07 3:53 PM
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 Texas Lone Star
Posts: 5318
Location: where ever my L/Q trl is parked | Canchsr5 - 2015-07-07 3:35 PM Thank you everyone for the overwhelming responses and encouragement. I also enjoyed reading about the lucky ones who have supportive spouses. It gives me hope. I have encouraged him to get a hobby. He has done some golfing but thats it. It is not strapping us for me to Barrel race. As a matter of fact we separated our accounts a few months ago so I give him my portion for bills. He makes more money than I do and doesnt even need my portion. At this point our arguments are getting more frequent and I'm seriously considering packing our things and leaving. I'm almost there but it's scary. I just don't want to make the wrong choice for my kids. But something has to change. We can't go on like this. It's a rough place to be in. I have support from my family and close friends but it's still scary. Do I leave or stay. It's a constant question.
Do you think its fair of him to ask you to give up something you enjoy? If you are a good mother by taking care of your children and it's not breaking the bank then he's the one that needs to grow up. He's jealous that you are doing something you like and still able to take care of all the other things that go along with your life. Do you think it's okay to constantly have fights about this when you have your children around, even if they can't actually see or hear? Children pick up on the anxiety of all that, just like your horse can feel if you are nervous or anxious when riding, is that fair to them. He's also probably feeling left out when you are gone barrelracing.
IMO you supported yourself before him and even though you have 2 more to suport you can and will do it again. Ditch the sucker (it is scary) and have enough guts to get out and start again.... you say you have the support of your family and it will be a bit hard. But wouldn't the peace of mind and all be worth that alone. Prayer for you and all involved.
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Take a Picture
Posts: 12841
| Sounds to me that the hand writing is on the wall and he is grasping at anything to have control over you and start a disagreement. Kids are better off out of a situation then to have their parents having disagreements all the time. They are smarter than you think. |
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 Don't Wanna Make This Awkward
Posts: 3106
Location: Texas | streakysox - 2015-07-07 10:04 PM Sounds to me that the hand writing is on the wall and he is grasping at anything to have control over you and start a disagreement. Kids are better off out of a situation then to have their parents having disagreements all the time. They are smarter than you think.
This is very true.
I say pack up and go stay with family or a friend if you can and see how he reacts, maybe it will be a wake up call for him and he will put some effort into changing. |
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Hungarian Midget Woman
Location: Midwest | streakysox - 2015-07-07 10:04 PM
Sounds to me that the hand writing is on the wall and he is grasping at anything to have control over you and start a disagreement. Kids are better off out of a situation then to have their parents having disagreements all the time. They are smarter than you think.
I agree that it is not really about barrel racing and more about control or insecurity.
I am very sorry you are having trouble.
My husband jokingly complains about the money I spend, but he also encourages me to go to races and go riding. He wants me to be happy.
I am usually not on the "leave him" train, but if what you are saying is all true, that may be your best option. I would not want my children to see that behavior day in day out and believe that to be acceptable or normal. That has the potential to affect their relationships in the future. |
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Duct Tape Bikini Girl
Posts: 2554
| Sell your husband. Not the horses. |
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Husband & Barrel Racing